 This video is brought to you by Paramount Plus. Look alive, you maggots! It's time to recap the latest episodes of Halo! Really, Sarge? Playing a bugle-shaped corn chip would have sounded better than that. Playing an instrument? That sounds dangerously close to artistic expression, soldier! What's next? Creativity? Ugh! No thanks! You think that playing an instrument is a slippery slope? Not a fan of analogies, either. Those lead to similes, which they lead to metaphors. Before you know it, here's a poet, Lorian, of I Got Bravo 6. Speaking of art and flawless segues, Episode 4 of Halo begins with Master Chief returning to his home planet to look for some of his childhood drawings. Master Chief experiences anxiety for the first time, which makes me think that pellet he removed was just a serotonin liquid gel. If you'd like to experience anxiety just like Master Chief, talk to your doctor to see if being a human in the year 2022 is right for you. Meanwhile, Soren and Kwan go back to Magical to take back the resistance, and Kai removes her emotion pellet, too. With the pellet gone, Kai uses rifle grease to dye pink streaks in her hair like a rebelling teenager. Soon she'll be smoking, skateboarding, or pushing that ring of a barrel down the street with a stick like all the kids are doing these days. Back on Master Chief's home planet, he, Dr. Halsey, and Met Creep Aiden find young John 117's drawings of the artifact. No wonder his life was so messed up. Not only didn't his drawings make it on the family refrigerator, they got buried in the yard. That's brutal. In that case, the drawings was much too shallow. If you need something buried, you come to me. You name it, I'll bury it. Treasure, feelings, psychiatry bills, griff, everything. I love a good hole. And the Spartan psychiatry bills would be piling up, because we find out from Kai, Vanik, and Riz that as part of training, they each got pets that they had to put down. Yikes. Glad I never had to put my goldfish down. No wonder how he's doing. Your goldfish from when you were seven? Yeah, what do you think he's doing now? Probably playing with the other goldfish at the big aquarium upstate, I don't know. Sorry, griff, but your goldfish is in that big aquarium in the sky. Yeah, big sky aquarium. You've heard of it? Hell, brother. Episode four ends with Quad and Soren escaping Fincher's assassin and fleeing to the desert. Meanwhile, the Master Chief and Dr. Halsey find the second artifact. Episode five starts with a little flashback to Master Chief as a boy in some kind of an intergalactic Montessori school. And while we don't see young Master Chief get a great job sticker in finger painting, we do see him save another kid's life. In the continuing adventures of Soren and Quad, the two are stranded in the desert on Madrigal. After their motorcycle breaks down, faster than a cairn in their local pharmacy. Meanwhile, Master Chief grounds Kai from combat when he sees conduct unbecoming a Spartan cracking a smile. That is correct. There's only three things that you should be cracking in this man's red team. A beer, some heads, or a window if it's three being chilling out in the mess. Look out! Dr. Halsey is determined to excavate the Keystone, and right as they're about to cut it from the stone, it makes a horrible noise that causes everyone to grab their ears in pain. Hey, isn't that what the reviews said about your jazz album? That was your review after I shared it with you in confidence. Oh, yeah. I was tough. Tough but fair. The Master Chief is starting to put the pieces together about his past, and when he touches the Keystone again, it unlocks the memory of Dr. Halsey kidnapping him as just a little boy. In a fit of rage, Master Chief tries to attack Dr. Halsey, but Cortana renders him unconscious. Oh, man, I haven't seen Master Chief crash that hard since I got the Red Ring of Death. No sooner does he regain consciousness than the Covenant show up to wreck shop. Hell, yes. Time for my favorite part, the battle. The Master Chief stops a mud hole in Covenant's ass, and then he plain walks it dry. He definitely carries the entire fire team with the highest kill-death ratio, but totally ignores the objective. You know, making him every middle schooler you've ever played Halo with. In the end, though, the Covenant yoinks the Keystone into slip space and vanishes. Snatching it up like an intergalactic claw machine. Uh, Sarge, that was a simile. Griff, you're right. Here's Sharples' attack. Oh, no. I did it again. Come on, Sarge. Let's get you in medical. Better ride like the wind! No! Wait! I can't stop! Oh, hurry! We'll see you back here to talk more Halo. Now streaming on Paramount+.