 The makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J. Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically American radio program. A friendly, enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of Wrigley's Spearman Gum are glad to bring you Life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hours entertainment. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama bascoe in Italy. More how I'm spending my time in America. Well, like every good American, all day long I'm playing my radio. Mama Mia, you should hear what goes on in those stories I'm hearing every morning. Tom is a lever-merry. Bess is a lever-jack. Junior is a runaway altogether. Frankie, he's a robber banker. The Jones house is a go crazy. Everybody's screaming and shouting a fight to them. This is called a family type of program. You don't believe in this, Mama Mia, but the whole country is listening to these exciting stories every day and a week. But not on a Saturday and a Sunday because everybody is attacking the weekend offer to rest. Then in the night of time they got to what's it called, private eyes stories. Mama Mia, the things that's happening there. First the fella is set afire to a building. Detective is a chaser. McCarty's a turnover. Everybody gets a kill. The other fella gets a murder. Then there's a comedy organ music. Then the crook is a get the revenge on a girl. He's a shooter, put her body in a cement, drop them in the river. He's a get a chaser by the cops. He's exploded the cops of both. Everybody is a get the drowned. Then there's a comedy, some more organ music. Mama Mia, you would have loved this program. Such a beautiful organ music. Still with these stories, Mama Mia is a siren. It must be fire or something. I'm better going to see. Hey, Astro, what's the happen? An automobile accident. Somebody was hit on the corner. Oh, yeah, that's the ambulance. Everybody, let's have a little air. He's not hurt. Just a little shock. That's it. Mr. Pellegrino, why they don't put up a traffic light? Why? In the red one, they got to hold a general election to find out if they got enough dough in the treasury. Maybe as a possible, they don't know about it. It's a busy corner and a whole step in a maple. Maybe if somebody was to tell them. Don't make me laugh. Alderman Johnson promises a traffic light before every election. Then he gets elected and you know them campaign promises. Sure. Yeah, but maybe if it was enough for people to ask for a traffic light. Not a chance. They figure we're living in a democracy. Everybody's got the same right to get bumped off. Yeah, but wait, wait, I know. Tonight in my night school class, I'm going to ask my teacher Miss Boling all about this. Ah, go ahead. Maybe she's going to have some ideas of how we're going to get to this traffic light. Sure, sure. Mr. Basko. Present. Mr. Horowitz. Present. Mr. Olsen. Present. Mr. Schultz. I ain't got a present, but if I knew you was coming, I'd have baked the cake. That was a lot of balloons. All right, all right. Now let's get on with our lesson. Today, we are taking up some irregular verbs and we'll start with the verb to be. Mr. Horowitz, will you conjugate the verb? Sir, what's the question? Oh, now please pay attention. Conjugate the verb to be. Oh, yes. To be, I be, you be, she be. Oh, no, no. Is that how you speak English? I be in the movies. You be in the movies. She be in the movies. Sure, if it's a be picture. Mr. Schultz. Class, I would like a correct answer on that question. Well, if you would like to make certain. Why don't you just call on me, Miss Boling? Oh, I hate to show off. Go ahead, Mr. Olsen. You may conjugate the verb to be. I am, you are, he is, she is, we are, you are, they are. Olsen, the suspense is killing me. What are we? All right, Mr. Schultz, I've heard enough. Now you conjugate to be. Me? Yes. All right. He be and she be got married and they had a little be be. See, I'll never get the correct answer from you. Mr. Basko, you may conjugate the verb to go. That's easy. The car want to go. Mr. Basko, conjugate it. You think that's going to start the car? Oh, no, no. Mr. Basko, don't you know what's wrong? Sure, there's lots of cars are going, but there's no traffic light. What? It's the corner and a whole step in a maple estate. It should have a traffic light. There wouldn't be so many accidents like there was a happen again today. Again? Oh, no. What's our civilization coming to? It used to be give a man a horse he can ride. Now it's give a man a car so he can have an accident with it. Oh, come now, Mr. Schultz. The automobile was a great invention. Some invention. 20 million drivers running around the streets aiming at each other. The whole country is like a giant shooting gallery. Mr. Berthing was a friend of Astro, as they told me today, that it's not possible to get a traffic light and a corner of a whole step in a maple. You think so? Well, in our country, Mr. Basko, nothing is impossible. You could write your alderman, wire your congressman, appeal to some civic group, or write to some newspaper. Better still, go home, lock the door hide under the bed and pray a car won't find you. What's the use, Luigi? It ain't so easy to get public improvement so far. Schultz, my mind isn't made up. How am I going to write a letter to the newspaper? Oh, that was a good idea, Luigi. You sure you got nothing to lose? I'm not going to get in trouble if I'm a dude, sir, huh? Of course not. That's the duty of a good citizen. Well, certainly there's no trouble. Now you sit down, write a letter, and we'll see if we can't help you right now. Oh, thank you, Miss Berthing. I'm right. Dear newspaper friends, I'm a thing. Luigi, that's some letter you got in the paper. Oh, hello, Astro. You sought the word of my name on the bottom? Yeah. Hey, you're a celebrity. The whole neighborhood is talking about it. We even got a few petitions going around. Petitions? What's with that? Well, you take a piece of paper, write what you want on it, and everybody signs their name on it. Oh, it's like the Declaration of Independence. That's so good. Hey, Mr. Pellegrino. Ah, that's a corner. Hey, for tomorrow. Sure. What do you want, Mr. Pellegrino? Well, I'm going to walk three blocks to the street, the car. See if you can... Panigan, how come you don't stand in the middle of the street and direct the traffic? Because I've got to cover me, B. You know what would happen if I directly traffic, don't you? Yeah, the beat would be covering you. They're making me feel so important. Hello. Those are writing the letters to the newspaper. My own little banana nose. Oh, stop, Mr. Pellegrino. Hey, hey, hey. Look on you. Only a year and a half in the country, already you're telling the government where they should put their traffic lights. Yeah, but I was... Maybe you should have tell them what color lights you would like in the traffic signals. Maybe instead of red, you want it to be a lavender. Or maybe you should have write to your next letter to the president and say, Dear Mr. President, how's it about we should remove Europe to America so people could go abroad without leaving the country? You know, but at school, I'm going to understand that. You're not angry because I'm allowed to let it to the paper, huh? Oh, I'm not angry. Luigi, I've been here 27 years. I'm a fuller citizen. And I never yet to write a letter to a newspaper. And you know why? Because you can't write English. That ain't the only reason. It's because I got a more sense than to tell the government how they should run their business. Truman don't tell me where to sell my spaghetti. I don't tell him where to play his piano. My advice... Hello. Luigi Basko here. Listen to me. What am I going to do for you? I'm Hal Brown from the neighborhood political club. The boss sent me down to have a talk with you. Oh, you poor fellow. You lonely, you got nobody to talk with, huh? Mr. Basko, that was a nice letter you sent into the paper yesterday. Thank you. Don't send any more. Huh? Basko, you want me to leave my cards on the table? But I'm an old play poker. What? Look, Basko, I'm not here to kid around. Luigi, you let me handle this. You shut up! Luigi, you better handle it. I'll give it to you straight, Basko. The boss promised the voters that traffic light in his last campaign in a campaign before that, in a campaign before that. Then away he's never kept his promise in a government traffic light. Well, you see, it has to come before referendum. That is the legislative acts according to the constituted bodies. It proceeds by process of gerrymandering. Maybe I'm a stupider, but I don't understand it. Luigi, this is a politics and nobody understands it. Basko, I understand the neighborhood is sending around petitions and you're going to send them to the mayor. Be a smart boy and call the whole thing off. Yeah, but a traffic light isn't going to be a good thing. You'll get it. Everybody only let the boss handle it his own way. And the when? What's the difference when the boss will decide when? Under the boss. He's at the side of when another little boy is going to get hit by a car. Tell him, mister. Is it the boss who got any little boys and the girls of his own? Hey, Basko, you're radical. What's that? Look, Basko, you got a nice little antique shop here, but don't be surprised if some inspector cop walks in one of these days and finds out reasons why the joint should be closed. Closed? Yeah, little things like fire violations, zoning infractions, health infringements. Good night, mister Basko. Luigi. What the Pascuali? Sooner the swallows, are they going to fly back at the Capistrano? I think you're going to be with them. You think I'ma did it wrong, the Pascuali? That's a summer question you think I'ma did it wrong. You only made enemies with the alderman. That's all. He's going to pass the word up to the mayor about certain complain and immigrant. The mayor whispers to the governor. The governor tips off for the president. Then the president calls up at the radio repair man in your neighborhood and he jams up at your radio. Yeah, but a white Pascuali, why? I'll tell you why. So whenever Walter Winshal tells the American people some important and national secret, you're going to be left out. Come on, money. But millions of people find helpful and enjoyable during a busy day. Keep a package of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum handy in your purse or pocket. Every time you feel the need for a refreshing little pickup, chew a stick. Chewing on a good piece of gum really does something for you. It sort of relieves that feeling of strain and tension, gives you a bit of comfort and satisfaction that helps you feel better and work better. Then too, the lively, real mint flavor of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum leaves a clean, fresh taste in your mouth. Try it, won't you? Packages of refreshing, delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum tonight or tomorrow morning. And now let's turn to page two of Luigi Basco's letter to his mother in Italy. And I saw Mamma Mia just because I'm trying to get a traffic signal from my corner. Looks like I'm in the worst trouble of my life. And maybe you think I'm wrong. That street corner is not so bad. Believe me, Mamma Mia, three times I'm tried across the before and three times the same a taxi is a chase to me back. You should have seen me. I'mma jump around the more than Uncle Pietro's ago today. He's a sit-in-a-terp in a time. But I'm a kind of insta. I'mma do the right thing for the neighborhood. And then suddenly the door is open up and I'm here. Hello, little cabbage pus. Oh, hello, Pasquale. What are you doing? Still trying to fight the whole world, eh? Pasquale, my mind is made up and nothing is going to frighten me. No. Eh, Luigi, read this. Special delivery letters are just a commuter for you. Read to where it's a come from. Police department. Pasquale, what do they want from me? Open up. And maybe they offer you bargain rates in a cell at Alcatraz. Dear Mr. Pasquale. Pasquale, I'm so nervous. I can see the way your hands are shaking and those words are liable to fall off the page. Here, give me. I'm going to read you death certificate for you. All right, here. April 4th, the 1950 police debt. Debt, what's a debt? Debt. That's something you owe somebody. This is a sue on you for the traffic signal. Huh? Give me another Pasquale. I'm going to read. Dear Mr. Pasquale, one of our officers will see you at 7.30 PM with reference to traffic signal situation at a holster and a maple. Make sure you are at home when officer arrives. Let me see. Who signed this letter? Captain Tom Redden, 41st PCT. PCT. PCT, that's a bad. Dear Mr. Pasquale, what's this? A PCT telephone. Police are caught for trouble. Dear Mr. Pasquale, all I did was write a letter to paper about a traffic light. This country is a freedom of the speech. Sure, they got a freedom of press too, but still you got to pay for your newspapers. Luigi, your trouble is you read the words of the way they ain't. Now what's to happen? Your ignorance is brought to you to a catastrophe. Dear Mr. Pasquale, I'm not going to stop them. I'm not going to write them out to the police of the department. This is not going to help. It's gotten too big now, Luigi. They go over the heads of the police department. The FBI. The FBI, huh? Well, sure, I'm not going to downtown and writing out to see J. Edgar Hoover. Hey, wait, wait, Luigi, come back. Stupid little popsquake. J. Edgar Hoover. He don't even know Hoover's face to name as a hobbit. Sign out to Sider says the City Hall. My mummy is the biggest hall I've ever saw. Well, I'm better going inside. There's a man in a gray uniform. Maybe he's telling me. Pardon, mister. Yes? Where am I going to go see the FBI about a traffic lighter before the police are coming to close up on my store at 7.30 p.m.? What is this, a gag? No, that's my neck tie. I'm always aware of tight. Just who do you want to see, mister? What is it? It's about traffic a signal. Better go see Mr. Albert Schlicker in the traffic engineering department. Go right down the hall to Room 9. Thank you. Traffic engineering department. Ah, that's him. I'm a knocker. Hello, here. Hello. Yes? I've got plenty of time to talk with you. Who are you? Well, I'm Luigi Basker, 21 and 0, the whole of Stettist Street, to Chicago, Fort, Illinois. I'm a comment to see you by the letter I got from the police department about traffic a signal. You see? It's a busy corner. Oh, now I see. Well, Mr. Basker, we get hundreds of requests every day for traffic signal devices, but people often forget. We can't always work miracles. Very often. Poor man, I must have hurt your wrist. Why is it, Mr. Schlicker? I'm going to try to start a trouble. Little kids, it wasn't being a hit to buy cars or saws. Mr. Basker, perhaps I can save your time in mind by explaining how our department operates. Naturally, we do have a little red tape. Yes. You will know what red tape is, of course. Oh, sure. That's a little band-aid with the Macruderkrum. Not quite. You see, Mr. Basker, the traffic engineering department acts on request immediately by sending out a crew to count the volume of traffic at the intersection in question. If there's a count of 750 vehicles per hour at the intersection, including 175 per hour from the minor streets, and if that average is maintained for an eight-hour per day period, then the volume of traffic would be judge-sufficient to warrant the erection of a traffic signal. Is that clear? Estilation would also be dependent upon timing considerations, insofar as proper space distances have to be maintained between signals in order to maintain continuous flow of traffic without severe delay. Do you follow me? No. I don't think it's too much of traffic. Oh, maybe I'd better put it another way. How am I going to feel and wouldn't I help? I was thinking of the accident factor. Sir, please, don't get excited. Listen, Mr. Bosco, if the accident history is so severe as to require the installation of traffic signals, we would cut the red tape and grab the bull by the horn. Yeah, that's in your trouble. You spend too much of your time putting up a traffic signal for the bulls. No, it's not impossible. Let the stocky yards take care of the bulls. Don't buy a red tape and you got more money for the paper. Hey, Mr. Bosco, I'm a busy man. Yeah, but I'm... Good day, Mr. Bosco. Hey, cabbage pus. Was there no FBI post quality? Was traffic engineer in the department? Men used to start to explain to me but I'm acting stupid and they used to throw me out. Now I'm going to get even worse of trouble. Sure, sure. Luigi, trouble with you. You've got a traffic signal of brain. It stops when it should go. Now stop talking as so stupid to begin packing your clothes. Any minutes the police department is coming to throw you out of the country. Some of me is almost a half past seven. Pascuali, help me. Talk to them. Maybe you... Take it easy, Luigi. Calm down. Relax. You know when you come to Pascuali I always help you out. After all, I'm a vote in the 25 years in this country. I'm a respect of a citizen. I could have talked to the politics of boss and take you under my parole. I clear up everything for you. Oh, Pascuali, you would do all of this for me. Sure, little pumpkin head. Now, I'm going to do you a favor. Maybe you're going to do me a little favor. Sure, Pascuali. What the favor are you? Oh, no. All of the blush and the bride. Rosa! Over the city. Instead, he's thinking about a marriage. I'm sending you two to the movies. You're going to see love happy and sit in the balcony with the Marx brothers. Rosa, you and Luigi are going to be up and at the balcony for three hours. What do you say? We better take along a lot of popcorn. Oh, shut up, you guys. Now listen, I'm in. Oh, here's a policeman. Pascuali, please. Are you telling me? Sure, sure. I tell him. Mr. Officer, you don't have got to take this man away. I'm a personally... Mr. Vasco, Captain Redden of our precinct thought you should get the news first because it seems you did all the work. I was putting up that traffic signal tomorrow night. That's so wonderful, wonderful. You hear that, Pascuali? Yes, I'm here. Now, Officer, if you'll please excuse us. Me and Luigi, we've got other plans to talk about. Other plans? Yes, Luigi, about the wedding. What kind of a wedding would you like? Oh, the wedding? Well, Pascuali, make it a traffic signal wedding. Traffic signal wedding? What's that? Stop a year and a half ago. Wait till my son... Come here. Right now is a big, beautiful traffic light on the corner of a hollow state in a maple. And it's making me feel real good inside when I'm sitting a little bambini walking up and back without being afraid of the cars. Last night, Politico boss, Johnson, was a come around and started taking all of the credit. He was a walk across the street with everybody how big he was. And I guess what's happened? Officer Flanagan, who was a proud to present to the politician, would have first the ticket of a jaywalkin'. You're loving your son, Luigi Vasco, the little immigrant. Makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they'd like to remind you that you will also enjoy chewing delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum. There's lots of refreshing real mint flavor in a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint that cools your mouth, freshens your taste, and sweetens your breath. Besides, as you know, daily chewing helps keep your teeth clean, bright, and looking their best. So for a taste treat that's good and also good for you, get healthful, delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum. The Makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at the same time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is produced and directed by Cy Howard and is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Dermot. J. Carol Masch is starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Redis-Pasquale, Hans Connery the show, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Faulding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, Ken Peters as Olsen, and Sarah Burner as Mrs. Pellegrino. Music is under the direction of Lod Glustin. The Wrigley Company invites you to listen to their other program, the Gene Autry Show, every Saturday night over most of the same CBS station. Bob Stephenson speaking. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.