 but currently she works in body positivity and in coaches women on a way to feel positive about the body, not by just dieting or juice cleansing something that is for everyone and supposed to work for everyone, but something personal to them, working on the relationship to the body rather than just what they do and what they look like. All right, please welcome Kim. Hello. Ooh, fancy tech thing. I'm really bad with tech guys, okay. Do I just press the play button? I'm 80 years old. Hi everyone, I'm Kim. Thanks for coming, first of all, thanks for being here. So I'll just read this for you. This is my little pitch. I'm a teacher, writer, speaker. I work with smart women who overthink, focus on perfection and are tired of feeling guilty for eating an extra cookie and only going to the gym one time this week. Basically you can stop feeling like shit all the time and you don't have to go on the latest sugar cleanse or tell yourself a mantra every morning like you're welcome to, but like there's other options, I promise. So this is a bit about what I'm gonna share. Having a dream job I hated, starting my own business, wanting someone to tell me what to do, going against norms and lastly accepting that I can't change the world. So here we go, the dream job. So I, let me put this little piece of paper down. So okay, I was this very type A high school, college student, did all the things I was supposed to do, had this like great plan, did my internships, was like I'm gonna be this powerhouse PR woman. I don't know why, I think I watched a lot of like Sex and the City or something, but like I was like really into it and I did the internships, I was like so good with my like 20 years old with my business cards going out, networking and anyway I got the job that I wanted in corporate PR. And I was like that's it, like check, like life sorted, you know it's like this thing where you think I'm gonna do this one thing like, and now yeah done check, I've like done life now, go me. And I got in there and I hated it, like not initially awful, but like by the first month I was like this is the worst thing ever. I was miserable, I was starting to get really depressed, I was sick, I got physically sick all the time, just a lot of stress, they also didn't pay us enough for anyone that works in PR, I feel you. And yeah, I just, I hated it, but I was in this place where from the outside everyone was saying to me, oh my god, how'd you get that job, that's amazing, like you're doing so well, but inside I was like this is the worst, all I wanted to do every weekend was sleep all weekend, I didn't socialize, I didn't do anything, it was work, work, work, sleep, and I was getting praise for that. And it was, you know, it's sad, but a lot of people do get praise for that kind of thing and it's not great. And what ended up happening was I just looked ahead and was like I don't want to be doing this in 10 years, like those people that are 10 years down the line, they look miserable as well, it's not like you see someone and they're like, well, here I am, like living my best life and like no, they're not happy as well. So I was like that's not for me. So yeah, I just quit without a plan, which was really a great idea, but at the moment I knew it was what I had to do, even though everyone was like you are crazy, and maybe I was, and I don't think everyone should just go and quit their job, but sometimes you need to do, and I did, but then so I had this moment, right, after I quit, and I was like woo, you're like, the gates open, everything's amazing, you're so happy, and then it's immediately followed by oh my God, what the fuck have I done, and you're like you just don't, you're like have I ruined my life now, I had this job, what do I do, real feelings, and so yeah, you go from feeling like this is the best, I can sleep till 11 to oh but what am I supposed to do now? So I won't bore you with the details, but there was a lot of just thinking about what the hell I wanted to do and what I was good at, what my natural skills are, what I thought I was supposed to do and what I wanted to do, and I came to this kind of place of working with girls and women and something about nutrition and it all kind of blended together, but in that space I was still like okay, great, what do I do now, what do I do now, I started to get this idea, so my basically, my business plan was I'm just gonna take people for coffee, which like is not necessarily the right thing to do, and I've learned that now from listening to other people, don't just email people and say can I pick your brain for coffee, I did that, you're not supposed to do that, you're supposed to offer something you can help with, but that was my business plan, I was like great, I'm on top of this, change the world, but so I'd have these meetings with people from different industries and things I thought I wanted to do and I, yeah, I'd go in and be like that was a great chat and then leave and feel like oh, I didn't get what I wanted because I basically wanted someone to be like here, do these five things next and you'll have your life sorted out and I really wanted to go to the library and have it be like Kim's guide to life and do the five steps and have everything sorted and again, spoiler, that's not how it works, but yeah, I just wanted someone to tell me exactly what I was supposed to do and that never happens and I still kind of stayed on that path for a while, even as I was building my coaching business and I was doing workshops and speaking and teaching and doing a whole variety of things with people of all ages, but I still was kind of listening to other people and I think one of the main fuck ups within that is that I wish I listened to myself sooner because if I listened to myself sooner, I would have known like what track was best, like what I should do and that I just have to try things and no matter what kind of business you're in, you just have to try things, whether you're like, sending out snack boxes, coaching people, whatever you're doing, you have to try things to know what's gonna work, but I spent so much time wanting and wishing someone else would tell me what to do and you just, you can't do that and the best way is to fuck up and fuck up a lot and all the time, so yeah, so the transition was that I finally stopped listening to everyone else. I started doing whatever I wanted to do, which is a lot of times people were telling me, okay, if you're gonna work with women and work on health, you have to sell people weight loss. No one will buy anything from you unless you're selling weight loss and I was like, no, that's not true, I don't wanna do that. I don't also wanna sell weight loss like disguised as something else with a different name because that's bullshit too, so I just, I stopped listening to people telling me what I could and couldn't do and started doing it my way and started to feel good about that and started to enjoy it and started to get more clients and just feel better and yeah, you're gonna be judged all the time, whether people judge you to your face or in a Facebook group or something, you're gonna get judged, you just have to go for things and experiments, see what happens. Yeah, my most current fuck up is, well, I guess it's not a fuck up, but just that I can't change the world, I think a lot of people in the coaching space or these health spaces think, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna help so many people and sometimes it's hard when you have a friend and then they're going on a juice cleanse and you're like, no, but why don't you just work with me? I know what I'm talking about, but I know I've planted a seed, I'm making a difference, I'm helping someone and that person might come back to me six months down the line or a year down the line, but I know that seed is planted, so I have to accept that I can't change everyone, I can't do everything, I have to ask for help, ask for support, take chances, try things, and that's kind of what works, which is an ongoing lesson. It's a little summary side of things I think are important. It's okay to fuck up. If you never fuck up, that's the real failure. If you're just trying to do everything right all the time, like there's no point in that, like what are you doing? You're just gonna be like everyone else and you're not gonna be that person that people are inspired by that makes a difference, that you're at a talk listening to someone and you're like, yes, I wanna do that business. Well, you need to try things and get rejected and mess up and fail. Three is my favorite that I'm always learning that when you think you have figured out life will throw something else at you and you'll fuck up again, but don't worry because remember, one, it's okay. Also, I'm looking at this slide right now, guys. This is a fuck up, look at that numbering. That's not how you make a number list. I don't know what that is, but that happened, so there you go, number one. And then surround yourself with good people. This is a really big one for me because when I switched career paths, a lot, I didn't have any friends that were working in startups or were entrepreneurs. I didn't know anyone. All my friends were like lawyers, bankers, like that was the crew, like people in politics, like no one was like doing this. And so, yeah, you don't have to get rid of people, but make sure you have someone in your life, at least one person where you can kinda talk to and rant and complain and that gets you. Maybe you've just come here for the first time and you connect with one person, get their card, save it, talk to them, reach out, ask for help, ask for support, because that is so important. And if you don't have that, it's really lonely. And yeah, come check out my website if you're tired of feeling guilty for eating and cooking and complaining about how you didn't go to the gym multiple times this week. And this is the last point, don't be a Sharon. So sorry, is anyone here named Sharon? Cause like, apologies if you are, but don't be a Sharon. This person that's like, I'm so bad for eating this cake, like no Sharon, like you're fine, don't worry about it. You're not doing anything bad and people do that so often. I'm so faxed I did this, I'm so bad. You're not bad. No one died, it's okay. So don't be a Sharon, all right? Thanks guys. What life and what did you do about it? That's quite frequently. But a moment that, I'm thinking of how intense I wanna go with this. Yeah, a lot of times my message is very much like don't go, don't listen to diets, like listen to your body instead cause like spoiler, it knows what it's doing. But that's not as sexy as like, whatever do this like really cool thing where you only eat vegetables and then you're starving. But yeah, like so a lot of times the judgment comes from not people that I work with or potential clients but more people that are already in the wellness industry that are well established in what they're doing, maybe like a personal trainer or just like someone that maybe works at a place where they're offering like a sugar cleanse for 20 days and that's where the judgment comes and sometimes they wanna say something to me. Rarely do people cause I come out like all guns blazing and most people when they know me they know that like better not say anything but it's happened before and it's made me uncomfortable and angry and mad and so I've reached out to people that also share similar views about health and women and bodies and I've like just kind of rallied around them and with them and felt supported by them and maybe they say something for me or I say something or we kind of like double team it and all say something together but it happens a lot from in this industry with people that are trying to make a profit off making women feel bad about themselves. Yeah. I knew that question was gonna come up so I don't wanna say, you can stalk me on LinkedIn if you wanna see, you can probably figure it out. Yeah. In case anyone's here that worked out where I worked, yeah. Hi. Oh, sorry about being too offensive, yeah. Yeah, okay, so I have thought about that and I've tried to do it but then when I do that it just feels awful and it doesn't come off as being me. The question was like, do I ever feel like I have to be too authentic? Should I be less authentic? And yeah, I think that's why I didn't work in corporate PR, I think it's why it wasn't like I did a great job and I was like, I like some of the hustle but I can't not be me and I know people sometimes have different versions of themselves depending on who they're talking to I'm just like, I don't know what that's like and so anytime I've tried to be a lesser version of me it just feels like, ooh, I don't know and I can't do it. I actually can't do it and it feels wrong and bad and then it comes off just so flat and so I've just embraced being me and all of that entails and sometimes that's too much for people but I've learned to just like embrace the too much because I'm not for everyone and I'm totally okay with that because not everyone is for me and something I always tell people is you don't like everyone and not everyone's gonna like you so it's okay. So yeah, I just embrace being too much and a little bit crazy and very authentic. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah, the question was about how did I go about kind of figuring out what was the right thing for me? So I traveled around Italy for like a month and ate lots of delicious food and that was fun but lots of like introspection. Some of the questions I asked myself were like very coaching type questions but I just was like, what was I, what did I like to do when I was younger? Like when I was a kid, like, what did I naturally gravitate to and what did I used to like to do and when did I stop doing that and why did I stop doing that and is there anything in that's stopping me from doing that now? And yeah, just like making lists of like literally like lists like what I'm good at, what I don't think I'm good at, what other people tell me I'm good at because a lot of times like especially like what other people tell you you're good at if you ask a friend that like they'll come up with all these things and you're like, wow, you walk away with like feeling great about yourself but also like it does highlight things for you that you might not have realized yourself but yeah, I just like talking about like I had like these different times where like, okay, I'll go back to school and become a dietitian and then all, you know, I had like I really did have like a lot of coffees with people and I did a lot of different things I had one time I was like doing three different part-time jobs and I had a couple different volunteer jobs I was just experimenting I like looked at my career as like then experiment at that point because I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do so I just tried out different things in different settings with different types of companies like corporate but also non-profits and smaller and bigger in different ages to see kind of what felt best and what I enjoyed best and what I was best at and then like built upon that and went from there if that answers your question. No, I get a lot, no, I haven't, you know I get people that like disagree like I was saying but yeah, I don't, I don't, I haven't gotten any hate mail yet I get, I'm not, I'm like thinking I'm like, oh God, no, yeah, I've gotten like Facebook comments like people disagreeing with me and then like everyone I know comes in is like, you're wrong, this is why, so that's fine but yeah, no, I get like, I get like nice mail that like is like feel good mail where people are like, I had one that made me feel really good where someone said they were showing their daughter my Instagram page because I wanted their daughter to have a role model that was like me and I was like, oh my God, those kind of things are like the nice like loving comments I get and I'm like and then every time, so I have a folder now where I keep like those kind of notes it's like love folder so every time I like feel bad and like I'm like, I'm fucking up today then like I just read that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but yeah, no hate mail yet just like stupid people on Facebook, you know that happens. Very much, we're gonna run. Thank you, don't be a Sharon.