 the 40 or T podcast. I mean, days are wake up and I think you're you're so fat. And I know I'm not. Because, you know, in a year, I've lost like four stone. It's like, these are how these things affect us, you know, but I still feel like there's self image self is doing. Yeah. And this is why I thought I'm going to give you everything today. I thought that I'm really going to take this opportunity to touch, to talk, to, you know, be an advocate, because if other people can do it. And I feel like a pimp for nothing. I want to be able to shed light on people. I mean, that's what I live for, you know. I don't live for me. I live for people. And I think if I didn't have my mom, I don't think I'd be here for stock to be honest. But there is an aspect of mental health, which I think is very, very underrepresented it underrepresented, which is things about your about your body, body image and self esteem. Like we're living in a time where there's a lot of standards out there. A lot of, you know, we talk a lot about how social media can really warp the perceptions of women. But I think it's also for men as well. Or I grew up hating my body. Instagram people out, you know, out in the world taking steroids and saying that they can just achieve this through hard work and that you're weak and that you can't do all of this. And, you know, if you're, if you don't have a particular body type, then you're not a real man or you're not attractive. You know, everyone experiences that. Yeah. Body image issue these days. 100%. I was growing up and I, you know, I didn't feel like I found my style until a certain age. And I'd see people that were her in this particular thing. And I'd be like, I always had this vision of I want to be that person. And now I just I just I don't want to be that person. You know, my outfits speak for themselves sort of things. And it's them things that we we learn, you know, that how do I how do I how do I reword that? Like, you kind of you look at people and you want to let and you want to get how where they are. Yeah, but to the point where it's it's not like that anymore, because the creative person inside me is like, I really don't know how to touch on that or he or how to even, you know, explain what it is I'm trying to say. So it's something around like individuality. Yeah. And self expression, not feeling good, you know, you know, not feeling comfortable in, you know, your body image. I mean, like, I, you know, I said, I'm struggling a lot with eating. And, you know, for me, if I eat something, I'm trying not to exercise straight away and stuff like that. Because, you know, that's the thing you've like, if you do that, you're going to become this or you're going to look certain way. And in terms of like, appearance, you see how it swaps. You see how that when I was younger, it used to be like, I wish I was, you know, I wish I could express myself through my fashion this way, like that person is, where now it's like kind of just swapped. And it's kind of like, you know, about what I just said in regards to the think it was, was it was it eating? Yeah. Yeah. I throughout my life, I've always had issues with my own body image, self esteem. I used to try and the reason why I kind of was so adamant on getting a certain body typing, getting like a level of leanness and dropping my weight down was because I really struggled with, like, the fact that I wasn't very good at talking to girls. And that I couldn't, you know, I really wanted a relationship. And I was like, Oh, well, people don't find me attractive. And I am just so socially awkward. And I can't speak to people. So what do I do? Well, you know, I try and fix external things, trying, you know, I try and wake up getting lean and getting strong and, you know, and I think that that for me was a big ignition for my own sort of eating disorder habits. It was also, I think, it wasn't necessarily about my body image as well. It was more like it was like another way of sort of having myself. Yeah, yeah, like that. Yeah, 100% I was believing it. So it was kind of, you know, there's that paging aspect to it, which is it's somewhat dramatic, just by its nature. And I kind of felt like I deserved it at that time. That I wasn't good as, you know, I didn't deserve to have that that meal or that food or that those sweets. So I kind of punished myself. Yeah, we do by not eating and yeah, I don't think I've we're at completely two different. I feel like I'm I've only just started to acknowledge that it's a problem. And I think for anyone that struggles or has struggled with eating disorder. I don't know how to say this. There's only so much we're ready to open up about, you know, at a time and as so it's kind of nice to hear your outlook and how it affected you. Because I'm not that I'm okay to say, look, I've got an issue with Ian. But there's, there's a lot more, you know, yeah, comes with time doesn't it? Yeah, it does. And I really love it. I don't love hearing you say this, but I like I really like I love talking about all these horrible things. I'm so glad that you've had I just it's nice to I think anyone that's you know, should have eaten and they hear about it from someone else. It's easier to talk about. It's easier to be like, okay, there's a problem. But there's only so much I want to address. Like I'm not I'm not ready to get help for my hearing disorder and stuff. No, no, no pressure. Yeah, no, you know, it's it's them sort of things. And so I really like hearing that you've it's inspiring, man. It really is inspiring. And I think as well, we do have a tendency, like as as meant to glorify unhealthy states, like, you know, some of the the top like bodybuilding creators, they're like, you know, obviously great, great physique, lots of muscle, but, you know, they're chronically underweight, they're chronically like, and the reason why people go to follow them is because they are like that. We have that aspect of bigger X here and body dysmorphia kind of going around where men don't feel manly enough, because they don't look as muscular to look at themselves in the mirror and they're like, oh, how tiny am I? And I think that that's that's another aspect of it. And I think a lot of men, you know, they feel they feel a lot of I guess they feel weak, not looking a certain way. And we tend to glorify those people who use things like steroids and yeah, the weight down. And so there's that aspect of normalizing things that just should have been normalized, man. And I think I just I see it's in so many areas and not just in this and I just hate that, man, that the things are often this way, because there's a lack of support unit, and not enough people talking about the stuff that people should be talking about and highlighting. And I think there is the big stigma around the eating disorders of men just in general. Yeah, 100% representation is is focused towards women, not not enough towards men, even even though, you know, it's it's clear that we do experience it. Yeah, exactly. And I'd probably even say that there's more stigma around that eating disorder, sort of space than with mental health. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. You know, a lot of the manly man online might go, Oh, bloody get some food in here and do all these stuff. Yeah, stop eating loads of crap on the night. Right? Do you know there is one guy that I like because you don't have an eating disorder. There is one guy I like. He's a titaka, the Irish guy. And he doesn't care for his appearance. He doesn't whack off his top and go, yo, look at these abs. He's got his top on and he's not talking about, you know, all of the negatives. And he's talking about, you know, it, you know, this is how much you actually need to eat if you want to gain even a pound of fat, you know, like, don't be beating yourself up over. And it's them and kind of people that I think we need more of the people that aren't just, you know, do you know what I mean? But I have since since I really wish I had the guy's name. What's the guy's name? I'll send him to you. But he's an Irish guy and he does he does like his workouts, but he doesn't record like all of that stuff. It's not just that stuff. We see like, there's so many people that are just normalizing that, yeah, if you want to get this way, like we're training, you don't you can't eat that you can't you can't drink that you can't you know, you have to get this much sleep. That really feeds into it as well. Yeah. Good for an eating disorder. Like, these are bad foods. Yeah, yeah, these are bad foods. Eat these ones. You know, I already know, like you're telling someone like, I don't know the calories to like almost every single thing I eat, like, you know, and I think yeah, I think that that online stuff just really doesn't help either. So it's nice that there are there are things like this like podcasts like this online that are are positive in in, you know, making people aware. I think it's interesting because with any disorder, any condition, any neurodiversity, people already have kind of assumptions about what you'll be like and who you'll be. And like, I do the thing is is that I've gone through a lot of this stuff. And I still struggle with a lot of things and I have my family supporting me with certain things. But at the same time, I am doing my podcast, I am doing my online stuff, I am making a business. I do go to the gym, I used to be a combat athlete. You know, I used to fight people in a full contact sport. You know, it's not. It's just because I'm open about how I am and what what struggles that I've had. It doesn't automatically remove me from being able to be a strong person and a successful person. It's just exactly that stuff and that stuff. It's not this categorization of who I am as a person. It's those experiences that enhance our ability. And, you know, the ability to be more powerful. And so I think, yeah, we just need to recognize this stuff more, way more than it is.