 Hello everyone, I am Narc Survivor, welcome to my YouTube channel. Before I begin please hit the thumbs up button down below to show your support. Hit subscribe and click all notifications to be notified when I upload a new video. And if you would like to book a one on one coaching session with me, just go to my website, it is NarcSurvivor.co.uk. This is why the narcissist comes back. The narcissist pretends to move on. The discard phase is just an illusion. They gave you a false idea and belief because they never really went anywhere. They were still watching and observing you, waiting for the right moment for them to come back. And they only come back for one reason. They only come back to ruin you, to wreak havoc on your life, and to leave you in a condition where you are not only useful, valuable or enjoyable. And that's all that it really is. Because they are extremely vengeful, so they will be seeking to harm you in return for their perceived injury. They will be resentful and unforgiving. They will be out for revenge because they perceive you as a threat and they believe that you have harmed them, even though you may not have done anything to them. And while you were dealing with them, you may have gone through a lot. You may have been in a dark place. You may have felt completely helpless. And you were experiencing emotional and psychological distress. But then you left the toxic relationship. You found the light and you made a positive personal transformation, where you made significant changes. And you became more mature, confident and attractive, to where you were always smiling and happy. And you were living the best life you could ever could have lived. But then out of nowhere, here comes the narcissist. Because it's like they have this predatory sex sense. They know when you're doing good. They know when things are getting better for you. And that is when they choose to come back. Because they don't want to see you doing well. Which is why they will come back with a sole purpose of ruining your life. After you may have just started a business, or you're getting ready to travel the world and things are getting more positive for you. And you're about to make this great comeback, this great recovery. And then here they come to take your hope and dreams away from you. And it may just start with a text message or a phone call. But then it leads into something where you're feeling bad for them. And you're wanting to give them another chance. So then you let them back into your life. And then the shit show starts all over again. The exact same thing that you went through before. And after everything that they did to you. Because they left you in a pit of misery and sorrow. And somehow you managed to climb out and reach a peak of happiness, success and accomplishment. And then they come back. Only because they want to put you back in that pit where they left you. After you're doing good and you're happy. You've been working hard. You've been going to the gym. And then they send you a message. Because they see that things are better for you now. They see that you're looking good. And if you don't put the pieces together and notice the difference of how things were so much worse for you when you were with them. Then you might just be foolish enough to let them back into your life. Just so they can do the same thing to you all over again. Because that's all that they're going to do. They will ruin you. And it will make them feel better about themselves. And then they will leave. It's like the cartoon Tas, the Tasmanian devil. They will spin into your life and destroy everything. And then they will spin away. Until you let them back in again. Which is why at some point you have to stop letting them come back. Because it becomes so predictable. So you should already know what's going to happen. Because it's already happened before. Which is why you've got to stop choosing the narcissist. And instead you need to choose yourself. Because otherwise they will keep coming back. And they will disguise it as though they're trying to help you. When you never needed their help to begin with, you were doing fine without them. But when they act like they're trying to help you, they're exploiting your empathy. And the narcissist can completely ruin your life by using your empathy. Because they see it as a weakness. So they will exploit it. They will act like they're in need of your help. Because that's the only way that they can establish a connection. They can't connect to you by being narcissistic. Because you're not narcissistic. So that just repels your way. So they have to play on your empathy. And sometimes they will act like they're trying to help you. But you don't always have to take their help. You can choose to set your boundary. You can choose to stand in your own truth. Because whether they're coming back pretending to help you. Or they're acting as though they need your help. There's only one thing they're really trying to do. They want to hurt you. And that's typically the only reason why they will pull you back into the relationship. Because they're not like us. Their brains are wired differently. They derive pleasure from inflicting pain, suffering, and humiliation on you. Their colors perverted, vicious, brutal, and cruel. So they want to destroy you. They want to see you hurt. And some of them may even derive sexual gratification from extreme cruelty. They get off on that. It's what makes them tick. Because that's likely being their own personal experience at one point in time. So they want you to emotionally react. They want to see you cry. And they won't care about whatever it is that you're going through. They will come back in the hopes that they will get you. That they will get to see you still laying in the pit of misery and despair that they left you in. Because that's just what vibes of them. Now you're on their turf. You're in their arena. Where their daily life experience is distress and discomfort. And happiness, wretchedness, but fortune, difficulty, hardship, problems, trouble, and adversity. Where you experience the absence of hope. You give up, you lose heart. Because that's exactly how it is for them. That's what they're used to. That's what they're familiar with. So of course they want to pull you into that. And that's the only reason why they come back. Because they want you to feel their pain. They want you to feel their hurt. They want you to share their miserable life experience. And they don't care about how it affects you. They don't give a damn. They want to see you in pain. While for us that would be very distasteful. We don't want to see another person in pain. We don't want to see them suffer. Because it's offensive and unpleasant. It causes us disgust. Because we're not naturally in pain. We're normally happy, healthy, and full of life. So of course we want that for other people as well. But that's not something that narcissists get to experience. They're corrupt and moral and depraved. They're contaminated. So now they want to contaminate you. They want to bring you into their realm, even if they're already with someone else. They will still come back just to cause you pain. Because even though it may look like they've moved on, they're still miserable. So it would hurt them to see you happy with someone else. So now they have to hurt you. They have to bury you beneath the ground. Because right now you may be a caterpillar or a cancun. And they don't want to see you grow into a beautiful butterfly. Because that would make them feel ugly in comparison to you. And then knowingly to you, you are their reference point. You set the bar. You set the standard. So they're competing with you. They're trying to outdo you. But at some point they realise it's a battle they can't win. So then they have to bury you. They have to take you down. So that it creates this illusion of elevation and superiority in themselves. But their logic and their attempts to destroy you really makes no sense at all. It's appropriate for them because they've already lost hope and belief in themselves. So they're not going to take the steps to grow and become something better and greater. They're not going to use their past experiences as their motivation or driving factor. Instead, they're just going to remain in that state for the rest of their lives. Because they're quite comfortable laying in their own filth. Well for you, it's very uncomfortable. You can't thrive in toxicity. So you're like get me out of that. Take me far away. And that is what you do. You move away from it. You aspire to be a better person based on your experiences with them. Because your experiences with this person are not a reflection of how you feel about yourself. So of course, it's going to feel uncomfortable. And you're going to want to avoid it at all costs. Because it's not meant for you. It's meant for them. That's how they're so comfortable with it. And they don't feel any desire to change it. Because that's how things are supposed to be for them, not for you. Which is why even when they bury you beneath the ground, you still find a way to sprout wings and fly away from it. Because that situation was not meant for you. You're worth more. You deserve better. You're meant for greater things. Which is just another thing that they despise about you. Because then that means that they have to lose access to you. Which is why they are always trying to find a way to come back in. But if you do let them back in, the same thing is going to happen all over again. They're going to want to hurt you and ruin your life. They're not going to make anything better for you. They're just going to bury you again. Because they don't realize that you have the power to grow, heal and become better. Because they don't have that ability. So they're always going to remain the same. And they're always going to seek to hurt you. Thank you for watching. If you found this video helpful, please give it a thumbs up. Share your thoughts in the comment section. Hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications. If you would like to support the channel, you can donate at paypal.me It's not survivor. You can book a one on one with me on my website. It's not survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.