 I'll press record, press record, press record. Y'all teach us about everything y'all want to teach us about. Blooper. Ha ha. I said a 6-4-5 front fucking chest go. This is so close to this. I don't know why I always get anxious for no reason. It's like I'm feeling like I'm crying. Because you have anxiety. I don't know why I get anxious for no reason. It's a wild side, it's a war outside. And everybody acting like they don't see it. Hella black, 107. You feel me? We getting in the hang of this thing. You know what I'm saying? After we hit 100, we going strong every week, posting that content. So shout out to all the patrons rocking with us. Go to patreon.com. So that's Hella Black Pie. We just had a little early moment on this podcast of extended content. So if you want to tap into that. But we have a special guest today, Makayla Coates. Do you want your whole name on there? I'm sorry. I kind of just want Makayla. Makayla. They really going to search me out. But how are people like, I don't know. What if people want to, I mean, we usually have guests that like we want people to support. OK. Well, Makayla Coates. So it's like, how do they find you? Like you never know, you know what I'm saying? We going to do the spelling, because it's a lot of Makayla is my name is spelled differently. OK, M-I-C-H-A-L-A underscore M-I-C-H-A-L-A-A at all social medias, if y'all want to follow me. Oh, Makayla, Makayla. No, just underscore Makayla at my social medias. I spelt my name. And then I spelt my app. OK, did you get it? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you today? I'm like, are you lost? What is going on? It's this dear new African. It's sent to the side, but my equilibrium is off. My dear new African. Your shock was just not aligned. My equilibrium is off. The faster. No, I'm hungry. You got some water next to you? Yeah, I do. All right. Don't pass out, please. Not on my episode at least. But yeah, so I'm excited for this episode. I'm sure y'all is even more excited because y'all have so known each other longer, you know what I'm saying? But before we really dive into this, you know, I think. Shout out to our producer, Jack, for reminding us about Black Joy because, you know, some new Africans forgot about that for quite a few episodes. So we're going to share our Black Joy. And then you feel me if you're a patron or if you're watching on YouTube, drop y'all Black Joy right now in the comments. You feel me? So let's start off with our esteemed special guest. What was your, uh, Black Joy, basically, is a second. I don't know if you've listened to Hella Black. I do. You do? Oh, shit. I'm like, that would kind of defeat the purpose of me being here. I'm sure you wouldn't be the first guest who's that would look bad though. You've already listened to it. I'm an intern. I'm in mentee, I guess. Well, yeah, you know, so, uh, what's some Black Joy you've had in the previous week or past two weeks? Or, yeah, what's the moment that you've had in the past? Whenever you. I think Black Joy that I have had, it hasn't been within the last couple of weeks, but like definitely within the summer has been like hosting the open mic night that we have for people's programs. That sure was cracking. And that was like the epitome of Black Joy because it's like this is still activism, spoken where all of those things are still like a form of activism. But we could still find joy and like talk about the day to day and like just the casual stuff within it. So brought joy to my heart. And I was fired. I didn't get to see yours. I'm sick. But there was, there was someone else who went. I did. Yeah, I heard you shut it down. It was it was some it was some dope. It was some it was some dope shit being spoken in there. Yeah, no kind of. Of course, I did. I've seen you before, though. So everybody else was shook. I'm like, I've seen this already. I know what to expect. But this is also like your first year in college that I've seen you. So you probably like a lot better now. Oh, yeah. Well developed video. If I still got it. Oh, searching videos. I feel like, oh, oh, Micaela. Fuck, I don't got it. It's proud of this Micaela, but this Micaela is not that proud of Micaela, but it was necessary. Do we, before I forget, we're going to cut a video you don't spoke a word into. Repotions, there are no fancy tricks. Don't worry. I won't pull a cord out of your ear. None of that is needed because I am black, woman and queer. About you, Rob, what's some black joy, some new African joy you've had? Shit, I think I can't remember if it was last Sunday. I had just randomly stopped by my granny house. No, this is wrong. Like randomly last Thursday, I stopped by my granny house and we were just having conversations. All y'all make some cabbage on Friday, but on Friday I already had plans to go somewhere. And so it was like Friday and Saturday I was busy so I couldn't eat it. So I said, just save for me till Sunday. And I can't remember. I was coming from on Sunday, but it popped into my head. And I'm like, oh shit, my granny made some cabbage, some rice and some pork chops. And I went over there. Shit was so good, bro. It was so good. I was so mad, so jealous at the insta story. Bro, then she ran it back yesterday. Like that's how mainy was. I'm like, okay, you gotta do this shit again. Like I haven't think about it for a day. I called her on the next Tuesday and was like, yo, we gotta run that back. It's the way you was like, oh, you were mad before. Let me give you another reason to be mad. My granny really be cooking. I know people got this thing where they just hype. Like I don't do that. I tell people that they can't cook. You know, like my other grandma, my granny Merlin, she'll be listening to this. She can make breakfast really good. I'm just saying just for clarity, cause people be online, you know, especially Thanksgiving, that is always, oh, look at my plates and you see many stuff, right? But when people be acting, I know all that shit don't taste good. I'm just being real. Like I just, so I brought my grandma Merlin up for context is to say like, I'll be telling her she can't cook, you feel me? But she got her dishes, that's good. And she will tell you this, bro. She make potato salad, that's hella good. And she make good ass eggs and bacon and maltose meal. She make that shit. And that's it. And so I say all this not to pit two wonderful black women against each other and my granny Charlene and my grandma Merlin, they're both beautiful and amazing cooks and they're all right. But my granny Charlene got mad range. And in that range of food, she does really good pork chops, cabbage and rice, bro, I'm telling you, like, shit is fire. I don't know, we just went off. I don't know. Fast got my brain on one. Fast got my brain. Then I'm like nine days sober. It's just a lot going on for me right now. Coming at all angles. Shout out to all my comrades that's fasting and shaking a alcohol and weed habits. Although I don't, I have my, I don't think weed is a bad thing, but to the people that's testing a discipline and shit. And so we all just a little shook right now and that was my black joy and my ramble for today. And hopefully I can stay on topic. Well, it's a good thing we got a guest tonight now. Because you feel to be doing all the talking now. I'm like, man, he's going to go home. Everybody who listened to it going to be like, so there's a poll between dishes and grandma's. You starting family beef on the podcast. Then I'm out as much as I did loop around. I think I connected the dots pretty well. You did. You got that. Okay. Great analysis of pork chops, cabbage. Cause y'all tried to, y'all tried to act like I was trying to start something. Which grandma is that? Oh, no, no, no. It still was grounded in black joy. Okay. It was grounded in your truth. Hey. What was your black joy? Shoot, I think just my own, you know, personal transformation I was just reflecting and my own growth, you know what I'm saying? For those of you don't know, I changed my name. You know what I'm saying? To Abbas Muhtakim and just, I think it resembles a lot of my growth and of course my Islamic faith, but just personal transformation on my damn, you know what I'm saying? Reading that piece you wrote about me, on my just thinking about different ways I've grown in the past six, seven years, you know what I mean? And just grateful for, grateful for that. A lot of struggles, you know what I'm saying? In between that, but being able to look back and reflect as I are, yeah. I'm making some growth and I was, you know, proud of myself for that, for sure. Same. I think first one to double down, I'm also proud of you. And I think this is the perfect, I'm glad that you, that McCain was here while we had this conversation because, you know, earlier I was reflecting as well. And like, it's wild how just like at this last, well, the last week I saw like me and you have definitely been like going through some like transformational shit as a result of like, Black August as a result of you taking Shahada as a result of us like really immersing ourselves in our readings and shit. And it's just so wild how, you know, niggas be feeling so old but then you realize how much further development we have, you know, to go. And like looking at you at, you just turned 21 in February. Yeah, like only 21 years old. A lot of conversations me and her be having, you know, I'd be trying to ground her. I'd be trying to like listen and be like, okay, like her reality is very real. Like that's what's going on. And also I'm trying to give like my quote, like sage advice as a nigga who like, been through it and trying to talk her down. Like, yo, you're going to be all right. I know it's hard to remember that you're going to be all right or hard to believe you're going to be all right. Cause you ain't made it out to the other side yet. Cause it's hella hard, especially in that moment, you know, when your stomach is hurting and you out there with them crackers in the middle of bum, fuck, nowhere for sure. I mean, that's all I was thinking about. Like when I was reflecting, I'm like, there's some times I'm like, bro, I do not know how often to get through this. Like some real times where I'm like, bro, am I going to make it through this shit? Like where you really don't be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, at the end of the tunnel. You know what I'm saying? But now I'm like, all right. Shit, I got through that shit in a certain joy. You feel posted and it's like, it's still a continued journey. You know what I'm saying? You don't just reach one fucking mile marker and then you done, you know, you got to keep going, keep pushing through, you know? So, yeah, growth, evolution, transformation and continuing to be a better person every day. That's all you can do. It's driving, it's driving for justice. You know what I'm saying? Day in and day out. So, Black Joy segment. And now for this next part of the episode. So we're going to start it off. We have talked about McKayla coats and we have done some hinting about who you are, but maybe you want to give like an overview of the people who, you know, the first time hearing you, what do you want them to know about McKayla? Who you are, what you're doing. Well, hey, y'all, hey, I am McKayla coats. Y'all could just call me McKayla or Kay or nothing. Pronouns are she, her, hers. I am a queer, black, academic, scholar, student, all of those, activists. Don't forget organizer, because you can organize it. Being organizing, educator and student. I am all of these things. I am also very, very like human. That's what I would say, like humanitarian, like centering black folks, but overall trying to free all people as humans. And currently, oh, I'm also at Oaklander, real six, eight, no, just. It's okay, you can do that. East Oakland, yeah, Oakland Bay Area, my home definitely formed a lot of who I am in my beliefs, my politics, and I am a poet, artist, and that is who I am, I guess. Speak about being an academic, what are you studying? Right now I am double majoring in women and gender studies in Afro and African-American studies at an institution near you, not. At an institution near you, you say, I ain't gonna talk about this shit. Right, nah, nah, nah. Why'd you choose that as your area of focus? Well, originally, I thought I was gonna be like, poly-sci, Afro-African-American studies. Glad you're not, those niggas are annoying. That is insane. Mind you, not you. You're probably not annoying to me, but I'm pretty sure they're annoying. I'm pretty sure they're niggas who are annoying. But nah, I'd be seeing them in Twitter Wars. It's definitely some people who are in your line. The poly-sci thing is beyond what I'm doing, I'm sort of like, oh, I got my degree and I took poly-sci wood and the legislative branch and the government and the judicial, this is how change happens, no niggas. So that's actually hella funny. So I thought I was gonna be poly-sci, then the former president became the former president, and I was like, well, any president of a system that's goal is to kill me and my people is a president who is trying to kill me and my people. Like it doesn't matter who takes the seat, it's just the position overall is going to allow them. Like James Baldwin said, to blame a man instead of the system that allows the man to do whatever he's doing is cowardice. So I was like, mm, yeah, fuck that, like poly-sci stuff, and I go to a liberal school. So it get real deep in the oppression Olympics, especially in poly-sci majors and law and stuff like that. So I was like, mm, this doesn't feed my soul. I'd rather do something that's going to fuel me to keep going instead of just put money in my pockets. So then I was like, well, what else? So I'm black, I'm woman, I'm queer. It's a lot of stuff going on in my life, my personal life and personal relationships where folks are falling into their identity. So I thought it would be really important to like center some form of my education around like gender, gender fluidity, like just fluidity period, because I know that is a key point in oppression. Outside of that, I am like undergoing my doula trainings to become a black doula, which is a birth assistant, because black women out here, black people, black birth givers are out here being killed. And I want to like try to stop that, at least educate people, be it not activists, but advocate of them, because a big part of it is just like misinformation, no communication around like people's bodies and what their actual rights are. So that is what I'm studying and why. Sure, well, hopefully when you graduate, you know, come back around this area, you know what I'm saying? And when you know, people's program gonna have a doula program or a doula assistance where we can help folks, you know what I'm saying? And free services, you feel me? So, I'm proud of you and all that you have accomplished so far, you know what I mean? That's, I think about like where I was at 21, you know what I mean? Like where you at, you should be proud of yourself. Yeah, that's something I definitely took away because there's been points in my like summer where I've been like, damn, I'm around all these great people who's doing so much stuff, like I really don't feel like I should be here or I feel like I should be earning my spot, but a conversation we had, you were like, no, like at 21, you and Delincey was not where I am. And someday it's gonna be a 17 year old who's where I'm at right now. And that's how you know you're doing the actual work. So that's been pushing me forward. I've been talking to my little nephews, they've been reading the sada. And I'm like, whoa, not 14 years old. So like that's definitely been pushing me. Teach one, you feel me? Not the slogan. Each one teach one, it's a slogan, but I don't know, that should work. Nah, real shit. I remember like again, I guess it's a perfect segment because he talked about it a little bit at the beginning where y'all gonna move it around. If you're a patron, you know what I mean. If you're a patron, yeah, but we just gonna at least touch on this little part for everybody, but I remember being hella impressed. Like, I met you when you was a senior? No, I was probably a junior. You sure? I don't know. I was probably a junior again? Yeah, yeah, I remember being hella impressed. And it was because I could just tell like, so much as like the educator, they fucking paint this picture of what a student post look like or what somebody smart supposed to look like, right? And I went through that as myself, like for me, I looked like a nigga. Like I went to school, you know what I'm saying? But towards my last two years, I started getting on honor roll and shit. And so I remember seeing you and like the way I even got to come up to your schools because there was, you know, I was like, y'all wanna like meet some students and like, you know, do like kind of some feature pieces on them. Cause that's how I got into, like that was what I did with journalism and I just finessed it into like a communications role at a district office. We love that. And so that's how I even came up to the school. Like I was writing like feature pieces, right? And the students that they presented to me were of course, or of course people who, they didn't really spend, you know, and also the people who were, the people who recommended them were not people who had spent time on your campuses. You know what I'm saying? They were like executives who probably just read off of a sheet, like based off like grades and then recommendations from the principals. And so that's how I got up there. You aren't on that list. And I remember you saying like, you was like, well, nigga, why are you not interviewing me? And I'm like, well shit, they didn't tell me too. I'm like, what's up? You wanna interview? Like it was like my first week or some shit. I'm like, I'm just, I asked for some students, you know what I'm saying? That this who they pointed me to, but I'll interview you too. Because I know you gotta interview me if you want that real. Yeah, my perspective is just like, one, I was already doing hella stuff for the school. Like all of the gallows, all of the like talking to visitors and showing them around. So like my labor was already being used. And then God not even gonna feature me. Like what? So I saw the Lindsey and I'm like, why is he pulling kids out of class? I don't wanna be up in here pulling me out of class. Talk to me, like what's going on? And when he explained like they told me that these was the kids, I said, well, here I am. And I got some friends. I know some other people who would like show this school way more like, like justice than these students who don't go to anything or don't like really involve themselves with the actual school. And then also just like, Brad, you gotta have people from the community of the school who you should talk to cause that's like who get the real like, I don't know, the police in the academic stress. Like all of those things is not universal for all of the students. I mean, you just gave me a more realistic depiction. Right? Like they gave the students who weren't getting suspended who weren't getting harassed by teachers who just essentially like, you know, fell in line. You know, you got someone like yourself who is You don't tell them you was smart. You know what I'm saying? Compromise. They never met me like, what's up, bro? I'll only imagine what she's saying to the teacher. You feel me? Like in terms of accountability, in terms of like, bro, making shit fair, you know what I'm saying? And so, yeah, you are, you were a much better represent after working at that school for four years. Like you for sure are a better representation of the school cause you were the person who seen the good and the bad. Like, okay, I excel in the classroom, but these niggas is also- Kicking me out. You know what I'm saying? Right? Yeah. Yeah. That was, like I told you when we first started, I still remember that day in as well. Cause I think you probably am our first, I think like the mentorship role in terms of, like the black community. I don't have it to the black community in so long. Oh, the black community that we're gonna speak about now. Yeah. So the mentorship role in the black community is one that's like, it didn't just fall upon you. You know what I'm saying? Especially if you are someone that excels at anything or is able to achieve anything, right? So I bring that up to say, I had always been in the mentorship role. I'm the oldest of seven kids. And then I just grew up playing sports. You know what I'm saying? The Bay Area sports community is hella small, especially like from like Pop Warner, right? Where you have, you probably start as a junior P-Weeding. You play all the way up to midgets. And as you wake your way up through midgets, there's like new kids coming through each year, right? So, you know, I got kids that was like seven, when I was 12, you know what I'm saying? Then when I was in high school, they was becoming like midgets. Then when I was in college, they was a high school, right? So you always end up playing mentors, like playing mentor, but all my mentorship came through sports. You was the first person that I mentored that wasn't a part of sports, you know what I'm saying? And yeah, our relationship developed hella naturally because we was both going through like finding ourselves type of shit at the same time. Like I wasn't that far removed from college. That's why I want to say it was your senior year, because- No, it definitely wasn't because I remember like, it was my junior year. And then in my senior year, that's when I saw like all black at the gaula. And I was like hella juice, fangirling. And then my senior year all black and you had came to the graduation. So I remember because, you know, they was on me. They was like, what? You know them? But I would say like, yeah, I didn't even, it's weird because I didn't start considering it a mentorship until I started talking about you outside of like the people that we both know. Me either, I was like, that's my little partner. That's like my brother. That's just how you would describe it too. Yeah, it was just like, yeah, that's family. I literally, hey fam, like that's it. And then I think you made me consider like my non-negotiables in the form of a mentor because I never like from meeting you to like up till now I never want to meet somebody who's only trying to be the teacher and never has room to learn. And I feel like going to you and like us both going through transitions at the same time, I'd be like, I can't do this no more. You'd be like, bro, I thought so too. Like me too, I'm stressed too. So I just, I don't know like seeing your humanity, seeing that you like, yeah, I'm doing this, but it's hell, like I'm doing this because I have to because I feel like I have to and the good is just coming with it. I didn't necessarily like plan or seek the greatness that you're in now. Now I appreciate you for real. Yeah, and I think it's dope because shit, on that day you introduced me to Layla and she got to take pictures at my party a couple of weeks ago. And so it's, it was, it was fine. I appreciate you from having a courage to do that because whether you, however you view it in your head is like, oh, that's just what I do. It's like, nah, that should take courage. Yeah, definitely wasn't scared at all. I was like, what? He got piercings and everything. He cool. You gonna interview me, though? What's up? If that's the problem, who do I need to talk to to make it not a problem? Like, it would be a problem. And then you came here for the internship, you was like, hey, what's up? I'm finna get on this podcast. Like, when can we make that happen? I was like, all right, shoot. Let's do it at the end of your time working with us this summer. And so we can really talk about what the experience was like for you interning with us, working with us and what you learned and shit. And yeah, so how was the experience like for you? Working with people's programs and really, you hit the ground running. You know what I'm saying? So how was that like for you? Well, I'm not gonna lie. At first, I was hella scared. I'm like, oh my God. I couldn't understand why. I'm just like, what? I used to call the Lindsey for no reason, just be like, fam, I don't know. I don't know. I'm nervous. I'm scared. What if they don't like me? He like, what are you talking about? Like, it's not even about liking you. Like, what? You're good. And then I started meeting everybody individually. And once I started talking to people and seeing that they talk like me, like being at home, let me give some context. I have been in a state across the map on the other side by coastal on the other coast for like three years, not being able to come home, really being submerged in academia in the institution. So like, coming here and not using like, oh my God, do I have to put a greeting and a comma in my like emails to them? How academic, how like professional is this? It caused a shift in me. It was like these two identities that I didn't even see as code switching was like battling with work that I do on the regular and work that I actually wanna be a part of. So then once I came and saw y'all, I was like, what? Y'all ain't got no like uniforms. Y'all just regular outfits, just doing it. I'm like, okay. I'm just pulling up my sweatpants and shit. Right, I'm like, I don't even have to wear this. I'm like, what is going on? So just meeting everybody and seeing why the Lindsay was connected to them. You know, like seeing the similarities and how like y'all are all like very stern and how y'all carry ourselves in terms of the politic of the organization but y'all are also open for room to grow and room for things to like, for yourselves to unlearn. And I think that's the biggest thing that I'm taking along with like abandoning my ego is just like, always give myself space to learn. Always give myself space to like, I would say do a U-turn. You know, like always give myself space to get up out of there because sometimes the things that we learn just because it's like shared by the majority of people around us is not always right. And I think coming to this program or coming to the organization as an intern, like I had to realize that a lot of them poly-sci like practices is not right. A lot of the like... All the theoretical academic shit. Yeah, like even in terms of the stuff that fuels me in academia, like black feminists thought a lot of it like, D and I was having a conversation of the theories are great, but where's the work? Where's the grass root? Where's the actual like carry out of it? Because it's a lot harder than just talking. So I think that's some of the things that I learned from being in this org. And then also like the ability to make things happen. Like I feel like I come in to be like, yeah, I wanna do this with no real plan. Or when I start planning out, I just like see the big picture. So it's hard for me to actually step by step and teaming up with people throughout the organization to specifically carry out the open mic night was like, okay, this is how you budget. This is how you make sure you have all your resources. This is how you communicate with people because you always need to be in some type of community, especially when you're anti-capitalist, you know, like, and just overall like, you have to do the work in order to see it be done. And that's the biggest thing because colleges be real protest-y, but no action. Are there protests on campus and only the block of the campus? No, don't go into the community to do like community work. And walk past a black student being harassed by campus police. So it's like a lot of... Contradictions. Right, and so I think being in a place that was like allowing me growth, allowed me to see all of the contradictions and other things that I was associated with. Yeah, I hadn't really, I hadn't really, because I remember us talking and you saying that you had your anxieties around shit and I hadn't thought about how, you know, what other organizing experiences you might have had that made it to feel like, especially with something like ours, which is like super, like relevant in terms of like pop culture and in terms of like organizing, you know what I'm saying? So I'm like, oh, you probably had an idea of how this function before you came. And so I will, even like the first week you got here, I'm like, look, my goal for you is to not have some like, is to have authentic organizing experience. Like, niggas not finna turn to turn you into no super activists and create these experiences that's not the norm. Like, bro, I want you to see how we function on a day-to-day basis. Second, I want you to learn, like really politically educate yourself. Like that's really important. Third is like to take care of yourself. Not run yourself into the ground. Not run yourself into the ground. Right. And I think that is the biggest thing that I would have to say to all college students out there, producing work for an institution is not worth your mental health or your physical health. Because I remember coming in or like, literally like being on campus, all campus long, during a freaking pandemic, getting up at all hours of the night to finish work, finish work, finish work, but as soon as something happened where I had to communicate to the professor, like, hey, I can't get this in. It's more like, where's your integrity? Where's your like, where's your commitment to this institution where I was doing work that like, actually affects people's well-being, which all like feeding folks hot food. If I said I didn't feel good, you'd be like, all right nigga, don't come in. Go ahead, get your rest. Do the work that you need to do for yourself. So I think the real activism piece that I got is like, you have to constantly be practicing it with yourself. You can't be out there saying, be good to yourself, and then you be in horrible to yourself for the benefit of others. Cause it's just going to like, either it's not gonna last or you're not gonna be around to see any of the benefits. Like literally no fruits of your labor, it's just gonna be labor and that's it. And I'm glad you mentioned being able to really understand like how the launching of programs and the sustaining of programs happen. Cause something that was a problem, not even a problem, it was a result of like inexperience as an organization is like, you know, the inexperience when like the inexperience meets the reactionary. And I guess they kind of like run parallel, I guess, but like it was certainly you would see people asking like, why are we not doing this? Why are we not doing that? And it's just like, bro, like ego thing too. You know, it's just like, oh, I want to launch this program. I want to do this. It's like, bro, for one, does this really meet the need of the people? Like, is this something that the people want or is this something you think the people needs? And have you thought about how it's going to be able to sustain that? How are we going to be able to make it bigger? And so I'm glad that's, cause I think that was something that was really important. And that's how we ended up having like actual goals as an organization. Like, what are the things that we want to focus on this year as opposed to just running around, reacting to the times and, you know, doing whatever might be having the attention of the people for a day or a week. And it's like, now we left to do some shit that people don't even really care about no more about going to support. And now the other parts that was actually benefiting folks are being left high and dry. Or the shit that actually contributes to the actual movement and the sustaining of movement as opposed to whatever is pop. And that's where it, you know. Yeah. I think that's something that I've seen, like once I was doubling down on like the structure of like how I can make the open mic night into like a re-occurring thing. A program. A program was just like, you reminded me that just because I was focusing on the event that I was controlled of, I still had to do medical support. I still had to support and like read my books for political aid. I still have to do all of those things because it's a machine. It all runs together. Right, and I did that big flex. I am a hygiene contributor now. Co-ordinator. Co-ordinator, you're just running that thing. I mean, that was for sure dope to come in, you know what I'm saying? And like work with you this past Friday and get the hygiene going and just, I'm like, all right, I could just really kind of step away. I'm like, all right, what you want me to do? All right, go open them boxes. Come on, you're tall. Like go grab this, go break down the bottle. All right, for sure. It's good, you know what I'm saying? But yeah, I think that's like the importance of really just building organization and seeing like how the different systems run. You know what I'm saying? Because it could have been, you know, all right, you want to do open mic. And I'm finna do this every two weeks to start off with all these other commitments that I have to the organization and I'm like, you might have burnt yourself out and then shoot maybe an event that didn't happen. You know what I'm saying? But now we're at a conversation this morning. All right, we're trying to get open mic going once a month now. You know what I'm saying? And actually have like a sustainable program, you know, to be able to build community and a culture of revolution as well as the material need of revolution too, you know? So yeah, it's been a dope experience having you work and learn with us, you know what I'm saying? And just being able to build, you know what I'm saying? In a real authentic way. You know, I hope as you go back to your white institution, your school, I was just going to say something else, but you know, checking myself. Let's say plantation. What was it? That's what I feel like. Yeah, we'll just settle with that. Share a property. Hopefully this like organization work can like help grounds you and your academics, you know what I'm saying? And as you approach your work, you know, in the academy, because that academy should just dawn to you know, and it ain't always real life. You know what I'm saying? It's like a bubble, a fake intellectual bubble. Not real life at all. It's like very. Yeah, but now you can see what happens when theory meets action. You know what I'm saying? Right. Now you can see and now you can find the real value about, okay, now you can approach that, approach your studies that way. You know what I'm saying? Like, whatever you learn in the class, like how can I make this applicable? Because I think. Or is it? Yeah. Is it even, you know what I mean? I think one of the things that helped me like still being close to academia and being in political ed is like grounding it in the time of when it was written. And I think that's really important because a lot of activists nowadays be like reading the stuff that happened with the party or seeing that stuff that happened like in the past and just be like, that would never work or some, some, some, but it's all because they think about it in now, in like the time of now, and they don't actually think about all of the like contextual, like historical context and everything else outside of that, just like in terms of who to center and how to communicate the actual like the event. Like, who is that going to leave out? Who is that going to include, you know, like understanding that there are going to be parts of my work that don't serve all of the people that I wanted to serve, but that's a part of the work too, you know, like in addition. So I think learning that in the program and also like, I think the biggest thing that I've been able to be proud of is just seeing the full like, I don't know, the full like cycle of the medical van because like coming out here and not not being around and like seeing all of the background work and meeting and researching and stuff like that. And now it's being used and like putting stuff into it and people are actually getting like wound trainings and stuff like that. Being a part of stuff that is going the last outside of me makes me feel a lot better. It makes me feel like I can live my life without ego because it's outside of me. It doesn't really matter. So. And how do you, we had a conversation I think last week and you expressed, you know, not wanting to go back. Just wanted to give you the space to process that because I think me and B could offer some advice. I've already offered you my advice, but maybe you want to read here or get some new insight from B. No, I don't want to go back. It snows over there and every time it's winter, I call somebody and let them know that hell froze over. That is the epitome of like 13 colonies, white devil, you know, type shit. I don't want to go back. I like after my first year of going, I didn't want to return, but it's a part of one. I'm in debt now. So I want to get whatever I can in exchange too. There's a couple more grants that I'm eligible for. So I want to use them for their money and three, like I'm not gonna lie, academia does give some resources that I would not have otherwise. Like even in terms of like what type of school or where the school is located, there's some stuff that I have access to that otherwise being a black queer woman in Oakland, California would not have access to. So like hell nah, I don't want to go back at all, but I am trying hard to graduate early so that I could like come back to the organization or like just continue my life outside of the school almost set up and set the name. Felt passionate about that one. I mean, I think you already have the answers yourself. Take the resources from the institution, bring it back to the people, you know what I'm saying? And seeing as you were a resource for the people as well. So get that money. I was gonna say graduate as fast as possible even me. So if you need to take a summer course next summer to get out, figure out every single way you can get out, you know what I'm saying? But take those resources, take that knowledge that you're learning that isn't often available to everybody, you know what I'm saying? And bring it to the people and maintain yourself. You know what I'm saying? Use this experience you just had to like, all right, when that time gets stressful, you know what I'm saying? Like try and send it like this. Some of the experience you've had out here is what I would say. It's like, all right, remember, this is home for you. You know what I'm saying? You take care of this mission and onto the next one. You know what I mean? And get, do the training and, you know. And the continuum. Yeah, I'd be looking at this as great practice of getting accustomed to sometimes doing things you don't want to do with the clear mission ahead of you. You know what I'm saying? I think I've had this conversation with you before it would be, I think like, I know we're not the same generation, but it's like that's such a small gap between our age group, right? What is, are you Gen Z or some shit? I don't know, but you're not that much older than me. Yeah, but it's like our generations have this thing where like motherfuckers be, they like to complain a lot. And some of it is a source of like entitlement of where it's like, you know, all my people have slaved enough or done like, nigga, well, whatever, let's not even call it slavery. Even liberation is gonna be work. Liberation work is work. You know what I'm saying? And it's struggle when it's not easy. A lot of times like you don't fight back in that hygiene pack. You don't feel like distributing that hot meal. You don't feel like writing this curriculum for political education, but you got to do what you need to do. And that's where like that shit that I went through in college, ages that work in those jobs, I didn't want to work. It created that muscle of doing what things I didn't want to do. And that's just not gonna, you're not gonna just wake up one night and be ready to struggle. You ain't never had to struggle in specific ways, right? Like not just having to exist as a poor black person, but like really having to struggle and having to train your mind in certain situations you don't want to be in, but still having to produce, still having to learn to retain information. Getting up when you don't feel like getting up, walking through that snow when you don't feel like, that's all shit I did when I was going to school in Idaho, you know what I'm saying? And that shit developed a habit in a character where I see people who don't follow through on certain tasks and they ain't never had to struggle before, who don't like being caught on any shit because they ain't never been caught to task before. And like, there's just certain ways, only certain ways and certain experiences that you have to have to develop certain characteristics. And I'm again, like you have, there's been times when you were talking to you, I'm like, all right, actually you're right. Cause just do something like be being on something. Like, is it masochism? You know, like when you're like, you'd be like, damn you're searching for pain sometimes. Like, there's been times I've been trying to talk you through shit. You're like, I don't know, bro. I'm like, actually you are right. I don't think you need to be struggling that damn hard. Cause now it's starting to impact your humanity and your livelihood. But there has to, you know, you got to practice your discernment where it's like, am I just, you feel me catin' off? Like, am I, is this shit, do I have the full ability and capacity to do this shit? Does doing it get me to my ultimate goal? Like that's when you know, like, all right, I can just stomach through this shit. You know, like it's not really impact. I just don't feel like doing it. I got the skills to do it. It isn't allowing me with my ultimate goal, but it's just starting to hurt my feelings a little bit and I'm tired. That's when you're gonna practice that discernment as opposed to like, yo, this shit is actually, actually impacting my humanity and I need to walk away from it. Yeah, I think that's something, something I was thinking about last night. I started reading Free to Land, right? And one of the things that they were talking about is like the, your politics and how like ultimately, like once you become a part of a organization or even like something that is like a mass, you start to take those practices and do it at home and stuff like that. And I would say like over the last year or so like with the whole like blow up of Black Lives Matter and how that was really big on campuses. Like it was so big on campuses that it was like, you're not a true black person if you don't go protest, but these be the same people who don't speak up in class when a white professor mispronounces a black person's name or stuff like that. So thinking about like, okay, ego again, you know, like am I actually not trying to do this because it is oppressive and it is against my politics or if I'm not trying to do this because I have the ability to say like, hey, look at all of the things I am, I shouldn't have to do this, you know, like ultimately it's a reflection or like it helps me to reflect on myself about the things that really matter to me because when I'm not at the institution to be a part of the institution, I don't wanna be in your programs, I don't wanna be on your like campaigns, none of that I actually want to do the work that I'm here to do. And so if it's like, if it's me here saying I don't wanna go back to school, I wanna finish school, but then go to school and not do the things to finish school, it's like, how much do I actually want that? And then being here at the organization, I think the biggest thing that helped me is that like, bro, this is your work, like this is for you, this is for your life, this is not for a promotion, this is not for recognition, this is not for like clout, this is for like your wellbeing and like the progression to New Africa. And if you're not willing to do the work, why should you reap the benefit? So being constantly like checking myself on like, yes, I do deserve like black privacy and rest and like being able to prioritize my joy and like the ability to not do shit, but I also have to do work in order to ensure that those things are accessible for me. Thanks, that's perfect, that's a great way to sum it up. Yeah, I ain't got nothing else to add on that. What do we tell the niggas though that they wanna support you? Oh yeah. Ooh, if y'all wanna support me, I will put my cash apps in my Instagram bio. My Instagram is at underscore M-I-C-H-A-L-A-A. I'm also a poet and the girl might produce something at the end of this year, you know, feeling very inspired. So if I end up selling any products, anti-capitalist, but you know, I am in a capitalist system, so I do need money to survive. Y'all can always donate to me. We gonna push her cash app on the Patreon and in the like description section of the YouTube video. Also support me by supporting them, become Patreons, you know, all of those things cause it goes back into the community. Patreon.com, such as Hope Black Pot. Tap in this next part of the episode, and if you guys subscribe, you hit the paywall. Unfortunately, unfortunately for us, nothing. What? So, appreciate you. Thank you. Jumping game. Appreciate y'all for having me. And congrats on the summer, and you know, hopefully you're going in with a different, you know, understanding. You know what I'm saying? And that will get you through those times, so. Proud of you. Oh, my heart. Yeah, definitely made family out of this. So, love y'all. Love you too. Hella Black, episode 107.