 chapter 28 of Ruth this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Cynthia Lyons Ruth by Elizabeth Clegg Horne Gaskell chapter 28 an understanding between lovers it was well they had so early and so truly strengthened the spirit to bear for the events which had to be endured soon came thick and threefold every evening Mr. and Miss Benson thought the worst must be over and every day brought some fresh occurrence to touch upon the raw place they could not be certain until they had seen all their acquaintances what difference it would make in the cordiality of their reception in some cases it made much and Miss Benson was proportionably indignant she felt this change in behavior more than her brother his great pain arose from the coolness of the Bradshaw's with all the faults which had at times graded on his sensitive nature but which he now forgot and remembered only their kindness they were his old familiar friends his kind if ostentatious patrons his great personal interest out of his own family and he could not get over the suffering he experienced from seeing their large square pew empty on Sundays from perceiving how Mr. Bradshaw though he bowed in a distant manner when he and Mr. Benson met face-to-face shunned him as often as he possibly could all that happened in the household which once was as patent to him as his own was now a sealed book he heard of its doings by chance if he heard at all just at the time when he was feeling the most depressed from this cause he met Jemima at a sudden turn of the street he was uncertain for a moment how to accost her but she saved him all doubt in an instant she had his hand in both of hers her face flushed with honest delight oh Mr. Benson I am so glad to see you I have so wanted to know all about you how is poor Ruth dear Ruth I wonder if she has forgiven me my cruelty to her and I may not go to her now when I should be so glad and thankful to make up for it I never heard you had been cruel to her I am sure she does not think so she ought she must what is she doing oh I have so much to ask I can never hear enough and Papa says she hesitated a moment afraid of giving pain and then believing that they would understand the state of affairs and the reason for her behavior better if she told the truth she went on Papa says I must not go to your house I suppose it's right to obey him certainly my dear it is your clear duty we know how you feel towards us oh but if I could do any good if I could be of any use or comfort to any of you especially to Ruth I should come duty or not I believe it would be my duty said she hurrying on to try and stop any decided prohibition from Mr. Benson no don't be afraid I won't come till I know I can do some good I hear bits about you through Sally every now and then or I could not have waited so long Mr. Benson continued she reddening very much I think you did quite right about poor Ruth not in the falsehood my dear no perhaps not in that I was not thinking of that but I have been thinking a great deal about poor Ruth's you know I could not help it when everybody was talking about it and it made me think of myself and what I am with a father and mother and home and careful friends I am not likely to be tempted like Ruth but oh Mr. Benson said she lifting her eyes which were full of tears to his face for the first time since she began to speak if you knew all I have been thinking and feeling this last year you would see how I have yielded to every temptation that was able to come to me and seeing how I have no goodness or strength in me and how I might just have been like Ruth or rather worse than she ever was because I am more headstrong and passionate by nature I do so thank you and love you for what you did for her and will you tell me really and truly now if I can ever do anything for Ruth if you'll promise me that I won't rebel unnecessarily against papa but if you don't I will and come to see you all this very afternoon remember I trust you said she breaking away then turning back she came to ask after Leonard he must know something of it said she does he feel it much very much said Mr. Benson Jemima shook her head sadly it is hard upon him said she it is Mr. Benson replied for in truth Leonard was their greatest anxiety indoors his health seemed shaken he spoke half sentences in his sleep which showed that in his dreams he was battling on his mother's behalf against an unkind and angry world and then he would wail to himself and utter sad words of shame which they never thought had reached his ears by day he was in general grave and quiet but his appetite varied and he was evidently afraid of going into the streets dreading to be pointed at as an object of remark each separately in their hearts long to give him change of scene but they were all silent for where was the requisite money to come from his temper became fit full and variable at times he would be most sullen against his mother and then give way to a passionate remorse when Mr. Benson caught Ruth's look of agony at her child's rebuffs his patience failed or rather I should say he believed that a stronger severe hand than hers was required for the management of the lad but when she heard Mr. Benson say so she pleaded with him have patience with Leonard she said I have deserved the anger that is fretting in his heart it is only I who can reinstate myself in his love and respect I have no fear when he sees me really striving hard and long to do what is right he must love me I am not afraid even while she spoke her lips quivered and her color went and came with eager anxiety so Mr. Benson held his peace and let her take her course it was beautiful to see the intuition by which she defined what was passing in every fold of her child's heart so as to be always ready with the right words to soothe or strengthen him her watchfulness was unwirried and with no thought of self-tainting in it or else she might have often paused to turn aside and weep at the clouds of shame which came over Leonard's love for her and hid it from all but her faithful heart she believed and knew that he was yet her own affectionate boy although he might be gloomily silent or apparently hard and cold and in all this Mr. Benson could not choose but admire the way in which she was insensibly teaching Leonard to conform to the law of right to recognize duty in the mode in which every action was performed when Mr. Benson saw this he knew that all goodness would follow and that the claims which his mother's infinite love had on the boy's heart would be acknowledged at last and all the more fully because she herself never urged them but silently admitted the force of the reason that caused them to be for a time forgotten by and by Leonard's remorse at his ungracious and sullen ways to his mother ways that alternated with passionate, fitful bursts of clinging love assumed more the character of repentance he tried to do so no more but still his health was delicate he was averse to going out of doors he was much graver and sadder than became his age it was what must be an inevitable consequence of what had been and Ruth had to be patient and pray in secret and with many tears for the strength she needed she knew what it was to dread the going out into the streets after her story had become known for days and days she had silently shrunk from this effort but one evening towards dusk miss Benson was busy and asked her to go on an errand for her and Ruth got up and silently obeyed her that silence as to inward suffering was only one part of her peculiar and exquisite sweetness of nature part of the patience with which she accepted her penance her true instincts told her that it was not right to disturb others with many expressions of her remorse that the holiest repentance consisted in a quiet and daily sacrifice still there were times when she weird pitifully of her in action she was so willing to serve and work and everyone despised her services her mind as I have said before had been well cultivated during these last few years so now she used all the knowledge she had gained in teaching Leonard which was an employment that Mr. Benson relinquished willingly because he felt that it would give her some of the occupation that she needed she endeavored to make herself useful in the house in every way she could but the waters of housekeeping had closed over her place during the time of her absence at Mr. Bradshaw's and besides now that they were trying to restrict every unnecessary expense it was sometimes difficult to find work for three women many and many a time Ruth turned over in her mind every possible chance of obtaining employment for her leisure hours and nowhere could she find it now and then Sally who was her confident in this wish procured her some needle work but it was of a course and common kind soon done lightly paid for but whatever it was Ruth took it and was thankful although it added but a few pence to the household purse I do not mean that there was any great need of money but a new adjustment of expenditure was required a reduction of wants which had never been very extravagant Ruth's salary of 40 pounds was gone while more of her keep as Sally called it was thrown upon the Benson's Mr. Benson received about 80 pounds a year for his salary as minister of this he knew that 20 pounds came from Mr. Bradshaw and when the old man appointed to collect the purents brought him the quarterly amount and he found no diminution in them he inquired how it was and learned that although Mr. Bradshaw had expressed to the collector his determination never to come to chapel again he had added that of course his purent should be paid all the same but this Mr. Benson could not suffer and the old man was commissioned to return the money to Mr. Bradshaw as being what his deserted minister could not receive Mr. and Miss Benson had about 30 or 40 pounds coming in annually from a sum which in happier days Mr. Bradshaw had invested in canal shares for them although their income did not fall much short of 100 a year and they lived in the chapel house free of rent so Ruth's small earnings were but very little in actual hard commercial account though in another sense they were much and Miss Benson always received them with quiet simplicity by degrees Mr. Benson absorbed some of Ruth's time in a gracious and natural way he employed her mind in all the kind offices he was accustomed to render to the poor around him and as much of the peace and ornament of life as they gained now was gained on a firm basis of truth if Ruth began low down to find her place in the world at any rate there was no flaw in the foundation Leonard was still their great anxiety at times the question seemed to be could he live through all this trial of the elasticity of childhood and then they knew how precious a blessing how true a pillar of fire he was to his mother and how black the night and how dreary the wilderness would be when he was not the child and the mother were each messengers of God angels to each other they had long gaps between the pieces of intelligence respecting the Bradshaw's Mr. Bradshaw had at length purchased the house at Abermouth and they were much there the way in which the Benson's heard most frequently of the family of their former friends was through Mr. Falkohar he called on Mr. Benson about a month after the ladder had met Jemima in the street Mr. Falkohar was not in the habit of paying calls on anyone and though he had always entertained and evinced the most kind and friendly feeling towards Mr. Benson he had rarely been in the chapel house Mr. Benson received him courteously but he rather expected that there would be some a special reason alleged before the conclusion of the visit for its occurrence more particularly as Mr. Falkohar sat talking on the topics of the day in a somewhat absent manner as if they were not the subjects most present to his mind the truth was he could not help recurring to the last time when he was in that room waiting to take Leonard a ride and his heart beating rather more quickly than usual at the idea that Ruth might bring the boy in when he was equipped he was very full now of the remembrance of Ruth and yet he was also most thankful most self congratulatory that he had gone no further in his admiration of her that he had never expressed his regard in words that no one as he believed was cognizant of the incipient love which had grown partly out of his admiration and partly out of his reason he was thankful to be spared any implication in the nine days wonder which her story had made in Eccleston and yet his feeling for her had been of so strong a character that he winced as with extreme pain at every application of censure to her name these censures were often exaggerated it is true but when they were just in their judgment of the outward circumstances of the case they were not the less painful and distressing to him his first rebound to Jemima was occasioned by mrs. Bradshaw's account of how severely her husband was displeased at her daughter's having taken part with Ruth and he could have thanked an almost blessed Jemima when she dropped in she dared do no more her pleading excuses and charitable explanations on Ruth's behalf Jemima had learned some humility from the discovery which had been to her so great a shock standing she had learned to take heed lest she fell and when she had once been aroused to a perception of the violence of the hatred which she had indulged against Ruth she was more reticent and measured in the expression of all her opinions it showed how much her character had been purified from pride that now she felt aware that what in her was again attracting mr. Falcahar was her faithful advocacy of her rival wherever such advocacy was wise or practicable he was quite unaware that Jemima had been conscious of his great admiration for Ruth he did not know that she had ever cared enough for him to be jealous but the unacknowledged bond between them now was their grief and sympathy and pity for Ruth only in jemima these feelings were ardent and would feign have become active while in mr. Falcahar they were strongly mingled with thankfulness that he had escaped a disagreeable position and a painful notoriety his natural caution induced him to make a resolution never to think of any woman as a wife until he had ascertained all her antecedents from her birth upwards and the same spirit of caution directed inwardly made him afraid of giving too much pity to Ruth for fear of the conclusions to which such a feeling might lead him but still his old regard for her for Leonard and his esteem and respect for the bensons induced him to lend a willing ear to jemima's earnest and treaty that he would go and call on mr. Benson in order that she might learn something about the family in general and Ruth in particular it was thus that he came to sit by mr. Benson's study fire and talk in an absent way to that gentleman how they got on the subject he did not know more than one half of his attention being distracted but they were speaking about politics when mr. Falcahar learned that mr. Benson took in no newspaper will you allow me to send you over my times i have generally done with it before twelve o'clock and after that it is really waste paper in my house you will oblige me by making use of it i am sure i am very much obliged to you for thinking of it but do not trouble yourself to send it Leonard can fetch it how is Leonard now asked mr. Falcahar and he tried to speak in differently but a grave look of intelligence clouded his eyes as he looked for mr. Benson's answer i have not met him lately no said mr. Benson with an expression of pain in his countenance though he too strove to speak in his usual tone Leonard is not strong and we find it difficult to induce him to go much out of doors there was a little silence for a minute or two during which mr. Falcahar had to check an unbidden sigh but suddenly rousing himself into a determination to change the subject he said you will find a rather lengthened account of the exposure of Sir Thomas Campbell's conduct at Badden he seems to be a complete black lead in spite of his baronetcy i fancy the papers are glad to get hold of anything just now who is Sir Thomas Campbell asked mr. Benson oh i thought you might have heard the report a true one i believe of mr. Dunn's engagement to his daughter he must be glad she jilted him now i fancy after this public exposure of her father's conduct that was an awkward speech as mr. Falcahar felt and he hastened to cover it by going on without much connection dick Bradshaw is my informant about all these projected marriages in high life they are not much in my way but since he has come down from london to take his share in the business i think i have heard more of the news and the scandal of what i suppose would be considered high life than ever i did before and mr. Dunn's proceedings seemed to be an a special object of interest to him and mr. Dunn is engaged to a miss Campbell is he was engaged if i understood right she broke off the engagement to marry some russian prince or other a better match dick Bradshaw told me i assure you continued mr. Falcahar smiling i am a very passive recipient of all such intelligence and might very probably have forgotten all about it if the times of this morning had not been so full of the disgrace of the young lady's father Richard Bradshaw has quite left london has he asked mr. Benson who felt far more interest in his old patron's family than in all the camels that ever were or ever would be yes he has come to settle down here i hope he may do well and not disappoint his father who has formed very high expectations from him i am not sure if they are not too high for any young man to realize mr. Falcahar could have said more but dick Bradshaw was jamaima's brother and an object of anxiety to her i am sure i trust such a mortification such a grief as any disappointment in Richard may not befall his father replied mr. Benson jamaima mr. Bradshaw said mr. Falcahar hesitating was most anxious to hear of you all i hope i may tell her you are all well with an emphasis on all that thank you thank you thank her for us we are all well all except Leonard who is not strong as i said before but we must be patient time and such devoted tender love as he has from his mother must do much mr. Falcahar was silent sent him to my house for the papers it will be a little necessity for him to have some regular exercise and to face the world he must do it sooner or later the two gentlemen shook hands with each other warmly on parting but no further illusion was made to either Ruth or Leonard so Leonard went for the papers stealing along by back streets running with his head bent down his little heart panting with dread of being pointed out as his mother's child so he used to come back and run trembling to sally who would hush him up to her breast with many a rough spoken word of pity and sympathy mr. Falcahar tried to catch him to speak to him and tame him as it were and by and by he contrived to interest him sufficiently to induce the boy to stay a little while in the house or stables or garden but the race through the streets was always to be dreaded as the end of ever so pleasant a visit mr. Falcahar kept up the intercourse with the bensons which he had thus begun he persevered in paying calls quiet visits where not much was said political or local news talked about and the same inquiries always made and answered as to the welfare of the two families who were estranged from each other mr. Falcahar's reports were so little varied that jemima grew anxious to know more particulars oh mr. Falcahar said she do you think they tell you the truth i wonder what Ruth can be doing to support herself in Leonard nothing that you can hear of you say and of course one must not ask the downright question and yet i am sure they must be pinched in some way do you think Leonard is stronger i am not sure he is growing fast and such a blow as he has had will be most certain to make him more thoughtful and full of care than most boys of his age both these circumstances may make him thin and pale which he certainly is oh how i wish i might go and see them all i could tell in a twinkling the real state of things she spoke with a tinge of her old impatience i will go again and pay particular attention to anything you wish me to observe you see of course i feel a delicacy about asking any direct questions or even alluding in any way to these late occurrences and you never see Ruth by any chance never they did not look at each other while this last question was asked and answered i will take the paper tomorrow myself it will be an excuse for calling again and i will try to be very penetrating but i have not much hope of success oh thank you it is giving you a great deal of trouble but you are very kind kind jemima he repeated in a tone which made her go very red and hot must i tell you how you can reward me will you call me walter say thank you walter just for once jemima felt herself yielding to the voice and tone in which this was spoken but her very consciousness of the depth of her love made her afraid of giving way and anxious to be wooed that she might be reinstated in her self-esteem no said she i don't think i can call you so you are too old it would not be respectful she meant it half in joke and had no idea he would take the illusion to his age so seriously as he did he rose up and coldly as a matter of form in a changed voice wished her goodbye her heart sank yet the old pride was there but as he was at the very door some sudden impulse made her speak i have not vexed you have i walter he turned round glowing with a thrill of delight she was as red as any rose her looks dropped down to the ground they were not raised when half an hour afterwards she said you won't forbid my going to see ruth will you because if you do i give you notice i shall disobey you the arm around her waist clasped her yet more fondly at the idea suggested by the speech of the control which he should have a right to exercise over her actions at some future day tell me said he how much of your goodness to me this last happy hour has been owing to the desire of having more freedom as a wife than as a daughter she was almost glad that he should think she needed any additional motive to her love for him before she could have accepted him she was afraid that she had betrayed the deep passionate regard with which she had long looked upon him she was lost in delight at her own happiness she was silent for a time at length she said i don't think you know how faithful i have been to you ever since the days when you first brought me pistachio candy from london when i was quite a little girl not more faithful than i have been to you for in truth the recollection of his love for ruth had utterly faded away and he thought himself a model of constancy and you have tried me pretty well what a vixen you have been jemima side smitten with the consciousness of how little she had deserved her present happiness humble with a recollection of the evil thoughts that had raged in her heart during the time which she remembered well though he may have forgotten it when ruth had had the affection which her jealous rival coveted i may speak to your father may i not jemima no for some reason or fancy which she could not define and could not be persuaded out of she wished to keep their mutual understanding a secret she had a natural desire to avoid the congratulations she expected from her family she dreaded her father's consideration of the whole affair as a satisfactory disposal of his daughter to a worthy man who being his partner would not require any abstraction of capital from the concern and richards more noisy delight at his sister's having hooked so good a match it was only her simple hearted mother that she longed to tell she knew that her mother's congratulations would not jar upon her though they might not sound the full organ peel of her love but all that her mother knew passed onwards to her father so for the present at any rate she determined to realize her secret position alone somehow the sympathy of all others that she most longed for was ruth's but the first communication of such an event was due to her parents she imposed very strict regulations on mr. falcahore's behavior and quarreled and differed from him more than ever but with a secret joyful understanding with him in her heart even while they disagreed with each other for similarity of opinion is not always i think not often needed for fullness and perfection of love after ruth's detection as mr. Bradshaw used to call it he said he could never trust another governess again so mary and elizabeth had been sent to school the following Christmas and their place in the family was but poorly supplied by the return of mr. Richard Bradshaw who had left London and been received as a partner end of chapter 28 chapter 29 of ruth this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Cynthia Lyons Ruth by Elizabeth Clegghorn Gaskell chapter 29 Sally takes her money out of the bank the conversation narrated in the last chapter as taking place between mr. Falcahore and Jemima occurred about a year after Ruth's dismissal from her situation that year full of small events and a change of place to the Bradshaw's had been monotonous and long in its course to the other household there had been no want of peace and tranquility there had perhaps been more of them than in the preceding years when though unacknowledged by any all must have occasionally felt the oppression of the falsehood and a slight glancing dread must have flashed across their most prosperous state lest somehow or another the mystery should be disclosed but now as the shepherd boy in John Bunyan sweetly sang me that is low need fear no fall still their peace was as the stillness of a gray autumnal day when no sun is to be seen above and when a quiet film seems drawn before both sky and earth as if to rest the wearied eyes after the summer's glare few events broke the monotony of their lives and those events were of a depressing kind they consisted in Ruth's futile endeavors to obtain some employment however humble in Leonard's fluctuations of spirits and health in Sally's increasing deafness in the final and unmanable wearing out of the parlor carpet which there was no spare money to replace and so they cheerfully supplied its want by a large hearth rug that Ruth made out of ends of list and what was more a subject of unceasing regret to Mr. Benson than all the defection of some of the members of his congregation who followed Mr. Bradshaw's lead their places to be sure were more than filled up by the poor who thronged to his chapel but still it was a disappointment to find that people about whom he had been earnestly thinking to whom he had labored to do good should dissolve the connection without a word of farewell or explanation Mr. Benson did not wonder that they should go nay he even felt it right that they should seek the spiritual help from another which he by his era had forfeited his power to offer he only wished that they had spoken of their intention to him in an open and manly way but not the less did he labor on among those to whom God permitted him to be of use he felt age stealing upon him a pace although he said nothing about it and no one seemed to be aware of it and he worked the more diligently while it was yet day it was not the number of his years that made him feel old for he was only sixty and many men are hail and strong at that time of life in all probability it was that early injury to his spine which affected the constitution of his mind as well as his body and predisposed him in the opinion of some at least to a feminine morbidness of conscience he had shaken off somewhat of this since the affair with Mr. Bradshaw he was simpler and more dignified than he had been for several years before during which time he had been anxious and uncertain in his manner and more given to thought than to action the one bright spot in this gray year was owing to Sally as she said of herself she believed she grew more knattered as she grew older but that she was conscious of her knatteredness was a new thing and a great gain to the comfort of the house for it made her very grateful for forbearance and more aware of kindness than she had ever been before she had become very deaf yet she was uneasy and jealous if she were not informed of all the family thoughts plans and proceedings which often had however private in their details to be shouted at her at the full pitch of the voice but she always heard Leonard perfectly his clear and bell-like voice which was similar to his mother's till sorrow had taken the ring out of it was sure to be heard by the old servant though everyone else had failed sometimes however she got her hearing sudden as she phrased it and was alive to every word and noise more particularly when they did not want her to hear and at such times she resented their continuance of the habit of speaking loud as a mortal offence one day her indignation at being thought deaf called out one of the rare smiles on Leonard's face she sought and said bless thee lad if it but amuses thee they may shout through a ram's horn to me and I'll never let on I'm not deaf it's as good a use as I can be of she continued to herself if I can make that poor lad smile a bit if she expected to be everybody's confident she made Leonard hers there said she when she came home from her marketing one Saturday night look here lad here's a forty two pound seven shillings and tuppence it's a mint of money isn't it I took it all in sovereigns for fear of fire what is it all for Sally said he I lad that's asking it's mr. Benson's money said she mysteriously that I've been keeping for him is he in the study thinking yes I think so where have you been keeping it never you mind she went toward the study but thinking she might have been hard on her darling and refusing to gratify his curiosity she turned back and said I say if thou wilt thou mayest do me a job of work someday I'm wanting a frame made for a piece of writing and then she returned to go into the study carrying her sovereigns in her apron here master Thurston said she pouring them out on the table before her astonished master take it it's all yours all mine what can you mean asked he bewildered she did not hear him and went on lock it up safe out of the way do not go and leave it about to tempt folks I'll not answer for myself if money's left about I may be cribbing a sovereign but where does it come from said he come from she replied where does all money come from but the bank to be sure I thought anyone could tell that I have no money in the bank said he more and more perplexed no I know that but I had done it you remember how you would raise my wage last martin mess 18 year you and faith were very headstrong but I was too deep for you see the I went and put it in the bank I was never going to touch it and if I had died it would have been all right for either will made all regular and tight made by a lawyer least wise he would have been a lawyer if he hadn't got transported first and now thinks I I think I'll just go and get it out and give it them bank is not always safe I'll take care of it for you with the greatest pleasure still you know banks allow interest do you suppose I don't know all about interest and compound interest too by this time I tell you I want you to spend it it's your own it's not mine it always was yours now you're not going to fret me by saying you think it mine Mr. Benson held out his hand to her for he could not speak she bent forward to him as he sat there and kissed him a bless you lad it's the first kiss I've had of you since you were a little lad and it's a great refreshment now don't you and faith go and bother me with talking about it it's just yours and make no more ado she went back into the kitchen and brought out her will and gave Leonard directions how to make a frame for it for the boy was a very tolerable joiner and had a box of tools which Mr. Bradshaw had given him some years ago it's a pity to lose such fine writing said she though I can't say as I can read it perhaps you just read it for me Leonard she sat open mouth with admiration at all the long words the frame was made and the will hung up opposite to her bed unknown to anyone but Leonard and by dint of his repeated reading it over to her she learned all the words except test a tricks which she would always call testy tricks Mr. Benson had been too much gratified and touched by her unconditional gift of all she had in the world to reject it but he only held it in his hands as a deposit until he could find a safe investment befitting so small a sum the little rearrangements of the household expenditure had not touched him as it had done the women he was aware that meat dinners were not now everyday occurrences but he preferred puddings and vegetables and was glad of the exchange he observed too that they all sat together in the kitchen in the evenings but the kitchen with the well-scoured dresser the shining saucepans the well-black grate and whitened hearth and the warmth which seemed to rise up from the very flags and rudely cheer the most distant corners appeared a very cozy and charming sitting room and besides it appeared but right that sally in her old age should have the companionship of those with whom she had lived in love and faithfulness so many years he only wished he could more frequently leave the solitary comfort of his study and join the kitchen party where sally sat as mistress in the chimney corner knitting by firelight and miss Benson and Ruth with a candle between them stitched away at their work while Leonard strewed the ample dresser with his slate and books he did not mope and pine over his lessons they were the one thing that took him out of himself as yet his mother could teach him though in some respects it was becoming a strain upon her acquirements and powers mr. Benson saw this but reserved his offers of help as long as he could hoping that before his assistants became absolutely necessary some mode of employment beyond that of occasional plane work might be laid open to Ruth in spite of the communication they had occasionally had with mr. Falker when he gave them the intelligence of his engagement to jemima it seemed like a glimpse into a world from which they were shut out they wondered miss Benson and Ruth did at least much about the details Ruth sat over her sewing fancing how all had taken place and as soon as she had arranged the events which were going on among people in places once so familiar to her she found some discrepancy and set to afresh to picture the declaration of love and the yielding blushing acceptance for mr. Falker had told little beyond the mere fact that there was an engagement between himself and jemima which had existed for some time but which had been kept secret until now when it was acknowledged sanctioned and to be fulfilled as soon as he returned from an arrangement of family affairs in scotland this intelligence had been enough for mr. Benson who was the only person mr. Falker saw as Ruth always shrank from the post of opening the door and mr. Benson was apt at recognizing individual knocks and always prompt to welcome mr. Falker miss Benson occasionally thought and what she thought she was in the habit of saying that jemima might have come herself to announce such an event to old friends but mr. Benson decidedly vindicated her from any charge of neglect by expressing his strong conviction that to her they owed mr. Falker horse calls his all but outspoken offers of service his quiet steady interest in lennard and moreover repeating the conversation he had with her in the street the first time they met after the disclosure mr. Benson told his sister how glad he was to find that with all the warmth of her impetuous disposition hurrying her on to rebellion against her father she was now attaining to that just self-control which can distinguish between mere wishes and true reasons that she could abstain from coming to see Ruth while she would do but little good reserving herself for some great occasion or strong emergency ruth said nothing but she yearned all the more in silence to see jemima in her recollection of that fearful interview with mr. Bradshaw which haunted her yet sleeping or waking she was painfully conscious that she had not thanked jemima for her generous loving advocacy it had passed unregarded at the time in intensity of agony but now she recollected that by no word or tone or touch had she given any sign of gratitude mr. Benson had never told her of his meeting with jemima so it seemed as if there were no hope of any future opportunity for it is strange how two households rent apart by some dissension can go through life their parallel existences running side by side yet never touching each other near neighbors as they are habitual and familiar guests as they may have been ruth's only point of hope was Leonard she was weary of looking for work and employment which everywhere seemed held above her reach she was not impatient of this but she was very very sorry she felt within her such capability and all ignored her and passed her by on the other side but she saw some progress in Leonard not that he could continue to have the happy development and genial ripening which other boys have leaping from childhood to boyhood and thence to youth with glad bounds and unconsciously enjoying every age at present there was no harmony in Leonard's character he was as full of thought and self-consciousness as many men planning his actions long beforehand so as to avoid what he dreaded and what she could not yet give him strength to face cowered as she was herself and shrinking from hard remarks yet Leonard was regaining some of his lost tenderness towards his mother when they were alone he would throw himself on her neck and smother her with kisses without any apparent cause for such a passionate impulse if anyone was by his manner was cold and reserved the hopeful parts of his character were the determination evident in him to be a law unto himself and the serious thought which he gave to the formation of this law there was an inclination in him to reason especially and principally with mr. Benson on the great questions of ethics which the majority of the world have settled long ago but i do not think he ever so argued with his mother her lovely patience and her humility was earning its reward and from her quiet piety bearing sweetly the denial of her wishes the refusal of her begging the disgrace in which she lay while others less worthy were employed this which perplexed him and almost angered him at first called out his reverence at last and what she said he took for his law with proud humility and thus softly she was leading him up to god his health was not strong it was not likely to be he moaned and talked in his sleep and his appetite was still variable part of which might be owing to his preference for the hardest lessons to any outdoor exercise but this last unnatural symptom was vanishing before the assiduous kindness of mr. falcahar and the quiet but firm desire of his mother next to ruth sally had perhaps the most influence over him but he dearly loved both mr. and miss benson although he was reserved on this as on every point not purely intellectual his was a hard childhood and his mother felt that it was so children bear any moderate degree of poverty and privation cheerfully but in addition to a good deal of this lennard had to bear a sense of disgrace attaching to him and to the creature he loved best this it was that took out of him the buoyancy and natural gladness of youth in a way which no scantiness of food or clothing or want of any outward comfort could ever have done two years had passed away two long eventless years something was now going to happen which touched their hearts very nearly though out of their sight and hearing jamaima was going to be married this august and by and by the very day was fixed it was to be on the fourteenth on the evening of the thirteenth ruth was sitting alone in the parlor idly gazing out on the darkening shadows in the little garden her eyes kept filling with quiet tears that rose not for her own isolation from all that was going on of bustle and preparation for the morrow's event but because she had seen how miss benson had felt that she and her brother will left out from the gathering of old friends in the bradshaw family as ruth sat suddenly she was aware of a figure by her she started up and in the gloom of the apartment she recognized jamaima in an instant they were in each other's arms a long fast embrace can you forgive me whispered jamaima in ruth's ear forgive you what do you mean what have i to forgive the question is can i ever think of you as i longed to do if i could find words oh ruth how i hated you once it was all the more noble in you to stand by me as you did you must have hated me when you knew how i was deceiving you all no that was not it that made me hate you it was before that oh ruth i did hate you they were silent for some time still holding each other's hands ruth spoke first and you are going to be married tomorrow yes said jamaima tomorrow at nine o'clock but i don't think i could have been married without coming to wish mr derbensen and miss faith goodbye i will go for them said ruth no not just yet i want to ask you one or two questions first nothing very particular only it seems as if there had been such a strange long separation between us ruth said she dropping her voice is lenard stronger than he was i was so sorry to hear about him from walter but is he better as she anxiously yes he is better not what a boy of his age should be replied his mother in a tone of quiet but deep mournfulness oh jamaima continued she my sharpest punishment comes through him to think of what he might have been and what he is but walter says he is both stronger in health and not so nervous and shy jamaima added the last words in a hesitating and doubtful manner as if she did not know how to express her full meaning without hurting ruth he does not show that he feels his disgrace so much i cannot talk about it jamaima my heart aches so about him but he is better she continued feeling that jamaima's kind anxiety required an answer at any cost of pain to herself he is only studying too closely now he takes to his lessons evidently as a relief from thought he is very clever and i hope and trust yet i tremble to say it i believe he is very good you must let him come and see us very often when we come back we shall be two months away we are going to germany partly on walter's business ruth i have been talking to papa tonight very seriously and quietly and it has made me love him so much more and understand him so much better does he know of your coming here i hope he does said ruth yes not that he liked my doing it at all but somehow i can always do things against a person's wishes more easily when i am on good terms with them that's not exactly what i meant but now tonight after papa had been showing me that he really loved me more than i ever thought he had done for i always fancied he was so absorbed in dick he did not care much for us girls i felt brave enough to say that i intended to come here and bid you all goodbye he was silent for a minute and then said i might do it but i must remember he did not approve of it and was not to be compromised by my coming still i can tell that at the bottom of his heart there is some of the old kindly feeling to mr and miss benson and i don't despair of its being made up though perhaps i ought to say that mama does mr and miss benson won't hear of my going away said ruth sadly they are quite right but i am earning nothing i cannot get any employment i am only a burden and an expense are you not also a pleasure and lenard is he not a dear object of love it is easy for me to talk i know who i'm so impatient oh i never deserved to be so happy as i am you don't know how good walter is i used to think him so cold and cautious but now ruth will you tell mr and miss benson that i am here there is signing of papers and i don't know what to be done at home and when i come back i hope to see you often if you'll let me mr and miss benson gave her a warm greeting sally was called in and would bring a candle with her to have a close inspection of her in order to see if she was changed she had not seen her for so long a time she said and jemima stood laughing and blushing in the middle of the room while sally studied her all over and would not be convinced that the old gown which she was wearing for the last time was not one of the new wedding ones the consequence of which misunderstanding was that sally in her short petticoats and bed gown turned up her nose at the old fashioned way in which miss bradshaw's gown was made but jemima knew the old woman and rather enjoyed the contempt for her dress at last she kissed them all and ran away to her impatient mr falca who was awaiting her not many weeks after this the poor old woman whom i have named as having become a friend of ruths during lenard's illness three years ago fell down and broke her hip bone it was a serious probably a fatal injury for one so old and as soon as ruth heard of it she devoted all her leisure time to old and fleming lenard had now outstripped his mother's powers of teaching and mr benson gave him his lessons so ruth was a great deal at the cottage both night and day there jemima found her one november evening the second after their return from their prolonged stay on the continent she and mr falca her had been to the bensons and had sat there some time and now jemima had come on just to see ruth for five minutes before the evening was too dark for her to return alone she found ruth sitting on a stool before the fire which was composed of a few sticks on the hearth the blaze they gave was however enough to enable her to read and she was deep in study of the bible in which she had read aloud to the poor old woman until the latter had fallen asleep jemima beckoned her out and they stood on the green just before the open door so that ruth could see if an awoke i have not many minutes to stay only i felt as if i must see you and we want lenard to come to see all of our german purchases and hear all our german adventures may he come tomorrow yes thank you oh jemima i have heard something i have got a plan that makes me so happy i have not told anyone yet but mr win the parish doctor you know has asked me if i would go out as a sick nurse he thinks he could find me employment you a sick nurse said jemima involuntarily glancing over the beautiful life figure and the lovely refinement of ruth's face as the light of the rising moon fell upon it my dear ruth i don't think you are fitted for it don't you asked ruth a little disappointed i think i am at least that i should be very soon i like being about sick and helpless people i always feel so sorry for them and then i think i have the gift of a very delicate touch which is such a comfort in many cases and i should try to be very watchful and patient mr win proposed it himself it was not in that way i meant you are not fitted for it i meant that you were fitted for something better why ruth you are better educated than i am but if nobody will allow me to teach for that is what i suppose you mean besides i feel as if all my education would be needed to make me a good sick nurse your knowledge of latin for instance said jemima hitting in her vexation at the plan on the first requirement of ruth she could think of well said ruth that won't come amiss i can read the prescriptions which the doctors would rather you did not do still you can't say that any knowledge of any kind will be in my way or will unfit me for my work perhaps not but all your taste and refinement will be in your way and will unfit you you have not thought about this so much as i have or you would not say so any festiviousness i shall have to get rid of and i shall be better without but any true refinement i am sure i shall find of use for don't you think that every power we have may be made to help us in any right work whatever that is would you not rather be nursed by a person who spoke gently and moved quietly about then by a loud bustling woman yes to be sure but a person unfit for anything else may move quietly and speak gently and give medicine when the doctor orders it and keep awake at night and those are the best qualities i ever heard of in a sick nurse ruth was quite silent for some time at last she said at any rate it is work and as such i am thankful for it you cannot discourage me and perhaps you know too little of what my life has been how set apart in idleness i have been to sympathize with me fully and i wanted you to come to see us me in my new home walter and i had planned that we would persuade you to come to us very soon she had planned and mr falchor had consented and now you will have to be fastened up in a sick room i could not have come said ruth quickly dear jemima it is like you to have thought of it but i could not come to your house it is not a thing to reason about it is just feeling but i do feel as if i could not go dear jemima if you are ill or sorrowful and want me i will come so you would and must to anyone if you take up that calling but i should come to you love in quite a different way i should go to you with my heart full of love so full that i am afraid i should be too anxious i almost wish i were ill that i might make you come at once and i am almost ashamed to think how i should like you to be in some position in which i could show you how well i remember that day that terrible day in the school room god bless you for it jemima end of chapter 29 chapter 30 of ruth this is a libra vox recording all libra vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit libravox.org recording by synthia lions ruth by elizabeth claghorn gaskell chapter 30 the forge deed mr win the parish surgeon was right he could and did obtain employment for ruth as a sick nurse her home was with the bensons every spare moment was given to lenard and to them but she was at the call of all the invalids in the town at first her work lay exclusively among the paupers at first too there was a recoil from many circumstances which impressed upon her the most fully the physical sufferings of those whom she tended but she tried to lose the sense of these or rather to lessen them and to make them take their appointed places in thinking of the individuals themselves as separate from their decaying frames and all along she had enough self-command to control herself from expressing any sign of repugnance she allowed herself no nervous haste or movement or touch that should hurt the feelings of the poorest most friendless creature who ever lay a victim to disease there was no rough getting over of all the disagreeable and painful work of her employment when it was a lessening of pain to have the touch careful and delicate and the ministration performed with gradual skill ruth thought of her charge and not of herself as she had foretold she found a use for all her powers the poor patients themselves were unconsciously gratified and sued by her harmony and refinement of manner voice and gesture if this harmony and refinement had been merely superficial it would not have had this balmy effect that arose from its being the true expression of a kind modest and humble spirit by degrees her reputation as a nurse spread upwards and many sought her good offices who could well afford to pay for them whatever remuneration was offered to her she took it simply and without comment for she felt that it was not hers to refuse that it was in fact owing to the bensons for her and her child's subsistence she went wherever her services were first called for if the poor bricklayer who broke both his legs in a fall from the scaffolding sent for her when she was disengaged she went and remained with him until he could spare her let who would be the next claimant from the happy and prosperous in all but health she would occasionally beg off when someone less happy and more friendless wished for her and sometimes she would ask for a little money from Mr. Benson to give to such in their time of need but it was astonishing how much she was able to do without money her ways were very quiet she never spoke much anyone who has been oppressed with the weight of a vital secret for years and much more anyone the character of whose life has been stamped by one event and that producing sorrow and shame is naturally reserved and yet Ruth silence was not like reserve it was too gentle and tender for that it had more the effect of a hush of all loud or disturbing emotions and out of the deep calm the words that came forth had a beautiful power she did not talk much about religion but those who noticed her knew that it was the unseen banner which she was following the low-breathed sentences which she spoke into the ear of the sufferer and the dying carried them upwards to God she gradually became known and respected among the roughest boys of the rough populace of the town they would make way for her when she passed along the streets with more deference than they used to most for all knew something of the tender care with which she had attended this or that sick person and besides she was so often in connection with death that something of the superstitious awe with which the dead were regarded by those rough boys in the midst of their strong life surrounded her she herself did not feel changed she felt just as faulty as far from being what she wanted to be as ever she best knew how many of her good actions were incomplete and marred with evil she did not feel much change from the earliest Ruth she could remember everything seemed to change but herself mr and miss Benson grew old and Sally grew deaf and Leonard was shooting up on jemima was a mother she and the distant hills that she saw from her chamber window seemed the only things which were the same as when she first came to Eccleston as she sat looking out and taking her fill of solitude which sometimes was her most thorough rest as she sat at the attic window looking abroad she saw their next door neighbor carried out to son himself in his garden when she first came to Eccleston this neighbor and his daughter were often seen taking long and regular walks by and by his walks became shorter and the attentive daughter would convey him home and set out afresh to finish her own of late years he had only gone out in the garden behind his house but at first he had walked pretty briskly there by his daughter's help now he was carried and placed in a large cushioned easy chair his head remaining where it was placed against the pillow and hardly moving when his kind daughter who is now middle-aged brought him the first roses of the summer this told Ruth of the laps of life and time mr and mrs Falkerhar were constant in their attentions but there was no sign of mr Bradshaw ever forgiving the imposition which had been practiced upon him and mr Benson ceased to hope for any renewal of their intercourse still he thought that he must know of all the kind of tensions which jemima paid to them and of the fond regard which both she and her husband bestowed on Leonard this latter feeling even when so far that mr Falkerhar called one day and with much diffidence beg mr Benson to urge Ruth to let him to be sent to school at his mr Falkerhar's expense mr Benson was taken by surprise and hesitated i do not know it would be a great advantage in some respects and yet i doubt whether it would in others his mother's influence over him is thoroughly good and i should fear that any thoughtless illusions to his peculiar position might touch the raw spot in his mind but he is so unusually clever it seems a shame not to give him all the advantages he can have besides does he see much of his mother now hardly a day passes without her coming home to be an hour or so with him even at her busiest times she says it is her best refreshment and often you know she is disengaged for a week or two except the occasional services which she is always rendering to those who need her your offer is very tempting but there is so decidedly another view of the question to be considered that i believe we must refer it to her with all my heart don't hurry her to a decision let her weigh it well i think she will find the advantages preponderate i wonder if i might trouble you with a little business mr Falkerhar as you are here certainly i am only too glad to be of any use to you why i see from the report of the star life assurance company in the times which you are so good as to send to me that they have declared a bonus on the shares now it seems strange that i have received no notification of it and i thought that perhaps it might be lying at your office as mr bradshaw was the purchaser of the shares and i have always received the dividends through your firm mr Falkerhar took the newspaper and ran his eye over the report i have no doubt that's the way of it said he some of our clocks have been careless about it or it may be richard himself he is not always the most punctual and exact of mortals but i'll see about it perhaps after all it may have come for a day or two they have always such numbers of these circulars to send out oh i'm in no hurry about it i only want to receive it sometime before i incur any expenses which the promise of this bonus may tempt me to indulge in mr Falkerhar took his leave that evening there was a long conference for as it happened Ruth was at home she was strenuously against the school plan she could see no advantages that would counterbalance the evil which she dreaded from any school for Leonard namely that the good opinion and regard of the world would assume too high an importance in his eyes the very idea seemed to produce in her so much shrinking afright that by mutual consent the subject was dropped to be taken up again or not according to circumstances mr Falkerhar wrote the next morning on mr Benson's behalf to the insurance company to inquire about the bonus although he wrote in the usual formal way he did not think it necessary to tell mr Bradshaw what he had done for mr Benson's name was rarely mentioned between the partners each had been made fully aware of the views which the other entertained on the subject that had caused the estrangement and mr Falkerhar felt that no external argument could affect mr Bradshaw's resolved disapproval and avoidance of his former minister as it happened the answer from the insurance company directed to the firm was given to mr Bradshaw along with the other business letters it was to the effect that mr Benson's shares had been sold and transferred above a 12 month ago which sufficiently accounted for the circumstance that no notification of the bonus had been sent to him mr Bradshaw tossed the letter on one side not displeased to have a good reason for feeling a little contempt at the unbusiness like forgetfulness of mr Benson at whose insistence someone had evidently been writing to the insurance company on mr Falkerhar's entrance he expressed this feeling to him really he said these dissenting ministers have no more notion of exactitude in their affairs than a child the idea of forgetting that he had sold his shares and applying for the bonus when it seems he had transferred them only a year ago mr Falkerhar was reading the letter while mr Bradshaw spoke i don't quite understand it said he mr Benson was quite clear about it he could not have received his half yearly dividends unless he had been possessed of these shares and i don't suppose dissenting ministers with all their ignorance of business are unlike other men in knowing whether or not they receive the money that they believe to be owing to them i should not wonder if they were if Benson was at any rate why i never knew his watch to be right in all my life it was always too fast or too slow it must have been a daily discomfort to him it ought to have been depend upon it his money matters are just in the same irregular state no accounts kept i'll be bound i don't see that that follows said mr Falkerhar half amused that watch of his is a very curious one belong to his father and grandfather i don't know how far back and the sentimental feelings which he is guided by prompt him to keep it to the inconvenience of himself and everyone else mr Falkerhar gave up the subject of the watch as hopeless but about this letter i wrote at mr Benson's desire to the insurance office and i am not satisfied with this answer all the transaction has passed through our hands i do not think it is likely mr Benson would write and sell the shares without at any rate informing us at the time even though he forgot all about it afterwards probably he told richard or mr watson we can ask mr watson at once i am afraid we must wait till richard comes home for i don't know where a letter would catch him mr bradshaw pulled the bell that rang into the head clock's room saying as he did so you may depend upon it Falkerhar the blunder lies with Benson himself he is just the man to muddle away his money in indiscriminate charity and then to wonder what has become of it mr Falkerhar was discreet enough to hold his tongue mr watson said mr bradshaw as the old clock made his appearance here is some mistake about those insurance shares we purchased for Benson ten or a dozen years ago he spoke to mr Falkerhar about some bonus they are paying to the shareholders it seems and in reply to mr Falkerhar's letter the insurance company say the shares were sold 12 months since have you any knowledge of the transaction has the transfer passed through your hands by the way turning to mr Falkerhar who kept the certificates did Benson or we i really don't know said mr Falkerhar perhaps mr watson can tell us mr watson meanwhile was studying the letter when he had ended it he took off his spectacles wiped them and replacing them he read it again it seems very strange sir he said at length with his trembling aged voice for i paid mr Benson the account of the dividends myself last june and got a receipt in form and that is since the date of the allergic transfer pretty nearly 12 months after it took place said mr Falkerhar how did you receive the dividends an order on the bank along with old mrs Cranmers asked mr Bradshaw sharply i don't know how they came mr Richard gave me the money and desired me to get the receipt it's unlucky Richard is from home said mr Bradshaw he could have cleared up this mystery for us mr Falkerhar was silent do you know where the certificates were kept mr Watson said he i'll not be sure but i think they were with mrs Cranmers papers and deeds in box a 24 i wish old Cranmer would have made any other man his executor she too is always coming with some unreasonable request or other mr Benson's inquiry about his bonus is perfectly reasonable at any rate mr Watson who is dwelling in the slow fashion of age on what had been said before now spoke i'll not be sure but i am almost certain mr Benson said when i paid him last june that he thought he ought to give the receipt on a stamp and had spoken about it to mr Richard the time before but that mr Richard said that it was of no consequence yes continued he gathering up his memory as he went on he did i remember now and i thought to myself that mr Richard was but a young man mr Richard will know all about it yes said mr Falkerhar gravely i shan't wait till Richard's return said mr Bradshaw we can soon see if the certificates are in the box Watson points out if they are there the insurance people are no more fit to manage their concern then that cat and i shall tell them so if they are not there as i suspect will prove to be the case it is just forgetfulness on Benson's part as i have said from the first you forget the payment of the dividends said mr Falkerhar in a low voice well sir what then said mr Bradshaw abruptly while he spoke while his i met mr Falkerhar's they hinted meaning of the latter flashed through his mind but he was only made angry to find that such a suspicion could pass through anyone's imagination i suppose i may go sir said Watson respectfully an uneasy consciousness of what was in mr Falkerhar's thoughts troubling the faithful old clerk yes go what do you mean about the dividends asked mr Bradshaw impetuously of mr Falkerhar simply i think there can have been no forgetfulness no mistake on mr Benson's part said mr Falkerhar unwilling to put his dim suspicion into words then of course it is some blunder of that confounded insurance company i will write to them today and make them a little brisker and more correct in their statements don't you think it would be better to wait till richards return he may be able to explain it no sir said mr Bradshaw sharply i do not think it would be better it has not been my way of doing business to spare anyone or any company the consequences of their own carelessness nor to obtain information second hand when i could have it direct from the source i shall write to the insurance office by the next post mr Falkerhar saw that any further remonstrance on his part would only aggravate his partner's obstinacy and besides it was but a suspicion an uncomfortable suspicion it was possible that some of the clerks at the insurance office might have made a mistake Watson was not sure after all that the certificates had been deposited in box a-24 and when he and mr Falkerhar could not find them there the old man drew more and yet more back from his first assertion of belief that they had been placed there mr Bradshaw wrote an angry and indignant reproach of carelessness to the insurance company by the next mail one of their clerks came down to Eccleston and having leisurely refreshed himself at the inn and ordered his dinner with care he walked up to the great warehouse of Bradshaw and company and sent in his card and with a pencil notification on the part of the star insurance company to mr Bradshaw himself mr Bradshaw held the card in his hand for a minute or two without raising his eyes then he spoke out loud and firm desire the gentleman to walk up stay I will ring my bell in a minute or two and then show him upstairs when the errand boy had closed the door mr Bradshaw went to a cupboard where he usually kept a glass and a bottle of wine of which he very seldom partook for he was an epistemious man he intended now to take a glass but the bottle was empty and though there was plenty more to be had for ringing or even simply going into another room he would not allow himself to do this he stood and lectured himself in thought after all I am a fool for once in my life if the certificates are in no box which I have yet examined that does not imply they may not be in some which I have not had time to search Falkahar would stay so late last night and even if they are in none of the boxes here that does not prove he gave the bell a jerking ring and it was yet sounding when mr Smith the insurance clock entered the manager of the insurance company had been considerably netled at the tone of mr Bradshaw's letter and had instructed the clerk to assume some dignity at first invindicating as it was well in his power to do the character of the proceedings of the company but at the same time he was not to go too far for the firm of Bradshaw and company was daily looming larger in the commercial world and if any reasonable explanation could be given it was to be received and by guns be by guns sit down sir said mr Bradshaw you are aware sir I presume that I come on the part of mr denison the manager of the star insurance company to reply in person to a letter of yours of the 29th addressed to him mr Bradshaw bowed a very careless piece of business he said stiffly mr denison does not think you will consider it as such when you have seen the deed of transfer which I am commissioned to show you mr Bradshaw took the deed with a steady hand he wiped his spectacles quietly without delay and without hurry and adjusted them on his nose it is possible that he was rather long in looking over the document at least the clerk had just begun to wonder if he was reading through the whole of it instead of merely looking at the signature when mr Bradshaw said it is possible that it may be of course you will allow me to take this paper to mr Benson to to inquire if this be his signature there can be no doubt of it I think sir said the clerk calmly smiling for he knew mr Benson signature well I don't know sir I don't know he was speaking as if the pronunciation of every word required a separate effort of will like a man who has received a slight paralytic stroke you have heard sir of such a thing as forgery forgery sir said he repeating the last word very distinctly for he feared that the first time he had said it it was rather slurred over oh sir there is no room for imagining such a thing I assure you in our affairs we become aware of curious forgetfulness on the part of those who are not of business habits still I should like to show it mr Benson to prove to him his forgetfulness you know I believe on my soul it is some of his careless forgetfulness I do serve said he now he spoke very quickly it must have been allow me to convince myself you shall have it back tonight or first thing in the morning the clerk did not quite like to relinquish the deed nor yet did he like to refuse mr Bradshaw if that very uncomfortable idea of forgery should have any foundation in truth and he had given up the writing there were a thousand chances to one against its being anything but a stupid blunder the risk was more imminent of offending one of the directors as he hesitated mr Bradshaw spoke very calmly and almost with a smile on his face he had regained his self-command you are afraid I see I assure you you may trust me if there has been any fraud if I have the slightest suspicion of the truth of the surmise I threw out just now he could not quite speak the bare naked word that was chilling his heart I will not fail to aid the ends of justice even though the culprit should be my own son he ended as he began with a smile such a smile the stiff lips refused to relax and cover the teeth but all the time he kept saying to himself I don't believe it I don't believe it I'm convinced it's a blunder of that old fool Benson but when he had dismissed the clerk and secured the piece of paper he went and locked the door and laid his head on his desk and moaned aloud he had lingered in the office for the two previous nights at first occupying himself in searching for the certificates of the insurance shares but when all the boxes and other repositories for papers had been ransacked the thought took hold of him that they might be in Richard's private desk and with the determination which overlooks the means to get at the end he had first tried all his own keys on the complicated lock and then broken it open with two decided blows of a poker the instrument nearest at hand he did not find the certificates Richard had always considered himself careful in destroying any dangerous or telltale papers but the stern father found enough in what remained to convince him that his patterned son more even than his patterned son his beloved pride was far other than what he seemed Mr Bradshaw did not skip or miss a word he did not shrink while he read he folded up letter by letter he snuffed the candle when its light began to wane and no sooner but he did not miss or omit one paper he read every word then leaving the letters in a heap upon the table and the broken desk to tell its own tale he locked the door of the room which was appropriated to his son as junior partner and carried the key away with him there was a faint hope even after this discovery of many circumstances of Richard's life which shocked and dismayed his father there was still a faint hope that he might not be guilty of forgery that it might not be no forgery after all only a blunder an omission a stupendous piece of forgetfulness that hope was the one straw that Mr Bradshaw clung to late that night Mr Benson sat in his study everyone else in the house had gone to bed but he was expecting a summons to someone who was dangerously ill he was not startled therefore at the knock which came to the front door about twelve but he was rather surprised at the character of the knock so slow and loud with a pause between each wrap his study door was but a step from that which led into the street he opened it and there stood Mr Bradshaw his large portly figure not to be mistaken even in the dusky night he said that is right it was you I wanted to see and he walked straight into the study Mr Benson followed and shut the door Mr Bradshaw was standing by the table fumbling in his pocket he pulled out the deed and opening it after a pause in which you might have counted five he held it out to Mr Benson read it said he he spoke not another word until time had been allowed for its perusal then he added that is your signature the words were an assertion but the tone was that of question no it is not said Mr Benson decidedly it is very like my writing I could almost say it was mine but I know it is not recollect yourself a little the date is august the third of last year 14 months ago you may have forgotten it the tone of the voice had a kind of eager and treaty in it which Mr Benson did not notice he was so startled at the fetch of his own writing it is most singularly like mine but I could not have signed away these shares all the property I have without the slightest remembrance of it stranger things have happened for the love of heaven think if you did not sign it it's a deed to transfer for those insurance shares you see you don't remember it you did not write this name these words he looked at Mr Benson with craving wistfulness for one particular answer Mr Benson glanced anxiously at Mr Bradshaw whose manner gate and voice were so different from usual that he might well excite attention but as soon as the latter was aware of this momentary inspection he changed his tone all at once don't imagine sir I wish to force any invention upon you as a remembrance if you did not write this name I know who did once more I ask you does no glimmering recollection of having needed money will say I never wanted you to refuse my subscription to the chapel God knows of having sold these accursed shares oh I see by your face you did not write it you need not speak to me I know he sank down into a chair near him his whole figure drooped in a moment he was up and standing straight as an arrow confronting Mr Benson who could find no clue to this stern man's agitation you say you did not write these words pointing to the signature with an untrembling finger I believe you Richard Bradshaw did write them my dear sir my dear old friend exclaimed Mr Benson you are rushing to a conclusion for which I am convinced there is no foundation there is no reason to suppose that because there is reason sir do not distress yourself I am perfectly calm his stony eyes and immovable face did indeed look rigid what we have now to do is punish the offense I have not one standard for myself and those I love and Mr Benson I did love him and another for the rest of the world if a stranger had forged my name I should have known it was my duty to prosecute him you must prosecute Richard I will not sit Mr Benson you think perhaps that I shall feel it acutely you are mistaken he is no longer as my son to me I have always resolved to disown any child of mine who is guilty of sin I disown Richard he is as a stranger to me I shall feel no more at his exposure his punishment he could not go on for his voice was choking of course you understand that I must feel shame at our connection it is that that is troubling me that is but consistent with a man who has always prided himself on the integrity of his name but as for that boy who has been brought up all his life as I have brought up my children it must be some innate wickedness sir I can cut him off though he has been as my right hand beloved let me be of no hindrance to the course of justice I beg he has forged your name he has defrauded you of money of your all I think you said someone has forged my name I am not convinced that it was your son until I know all the circumstances I declined to prosecute what circumstances asked Mr Bradshaw in an authoritative manner which would have shown irritation but for his self command the force of that temptation the previous habits of the person of Richard he is the person Mr Bradshaw put in Mr Benson went on without taking any notice I should think it right to prosecute if I found out that this offense against me was only one of a series committed with premeditation against society I should then feel as a protector of others more helpless than myself it was your all said Mr Bradshaw it was all my money it was not my all replied Mr Benson and then he went on as if the interruption had never been against an habitual offender I shall not prosecute Richard not because he is your son do not imagine that I should decline taking such a step against any young man without first ascertaining the particulars about him which I know already about Richard and which determined me against doing what would blast his character for life would destroy every good quality he has what good quality remains to him asked Mr Bradshaw he has deceived me he has offended God have we not all offended him Mr Benson said in a low tone not consciously I never do wrong consciously but Richard Richard the remembrance of the undeceiving letters the forgery filled up his heart so completely that he could not speak for a minute or two yet when he saw Mr Benson on the point of saying something he broke in it is of no use talking sir you and I cannot agree on these subjects once more I desire you to prosecute that boy who is no longer a child of mine Mr Bradshaw I shall not prosecute him I have said it once for all tomorrow you will be glad that I do not listen to you I should only do harm by saying more at present there is always something aggravating in being told that the mood in which we are now viewing things strongly will not be our mood at some other time it implies that our present feelings are blinding us and that some more clear-sighted spectator is able to distinguish our future better than we do ourselves the most shallow person dislikes to be told that anyone can gauge his depth Mr Bradshaw was not soothed by this last remark of Mr Benson's he stooped down to take up his hat and be gone Mr Benson saw his dizzy way of groping and gave him what he sought for but he received no word of thanks Mr Bradshaw went silently towards the door but just as he got there he turned round and said if there were more people like me and fewer like you there would be less evil in the world sir it's your sentimentalists that nurse up sin although Mr Benson had been very calm during this interview he had been much shocked by what had been let out respecting Richard's forgery not by the fact itself so much as by what it was a sign of still he had known the young man from childhood and had seen and often regretted that his want of moral courage had rendered him peculiarly liable to all the bad effects arising from his father's severe and arbitrary mode of treatment dick would never have had pluck enough to be a hardened villain under any circumstances but unless some good influence some strength was brought to bear upon him he might easily sink into the sneaking scoundrel Mr Benson determined to go to Mr Falkohas the first thing in the morning and consult him as a calm clear-headed family friend partner in the business as well as son and brother-in-law to the people concerned end of chapter 30