 As we have Alan Stein, Jr. on Habits and Hustle Today. Alan is a performance coach. Otherwise, usually, he used to be known as a strength and conditioning coach. He's written a great book called Raise Your Game, High Performance Secrets from the Best of the Best. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. My pleasure. It's wonderful to connect with you. It's wonderful to connect with you. Why don't we start by giving me kind of a differentiation or what's the difference between a strength and conditioning coach, a performance coach, and a mental performance coach? I think there's so many different coaches around people, me included, get very confused. For sure. Well, when I first started, so basketball was my first passion. I fell in love with the game at four or five years old and here four decades later, it's still a major pillar of my life. So most people are familiar with what would be a basketball coach or a skills coach. Well, when I got in high school and college, I started to develop an equal affinity for the fitness side for strength, conditioning, improving athleticism. So I started as a strength and conditioning coach. And then as that started to grow, I realized that what I did was more than just help someone get stronger and get in good shape. So that title was kind of insufficient. And what I was trying to do was help people improve their overall performance on the court. So it kind of just morphed into being what I call a performance coach, which is how most of the people in the space refer to it now. Well, we were talking about that like before, right? For sure. It's kind of a natural evolution, right? And if you're doing a lot of the strength and the strength and conditioning or the fitness stuff, that like over time, people realize it's not about the physical, it's about the mental. Yes. So right, because you can do a squat all day if you're mentally right, right? It's not about just you need to have that motivation, that perseverance, behavior change in your head. Absolutely. And that's where that natural progression. So I went from most of my focus being on helping players improve their body, helping them improve their athleticism, movement efficiency, but realized that the key to all of that was the mental side. So it started diving more on the mental side. And then within the mental side, then you've also got things, as you were just mentioning, grit and perseverance and leadership, the ability to influence your teammates and impact your teammates. So that was really how this natural transition. And now I'm in the corporate world as a speaker and I teach businesses how to utilize those same principles. The vast majority of what it takes for an elite athlete to be an elite or an elite team to be a championship team is the same stuff folks can and should be using in the business world. Now, did you always work with athletes or did you start with everybody, everyday people, then kind of morph that into athletes? Started with just general population, because at the time, as soon as I graduated college, I mean, I was basically an independent contractor, just a trainer on my own. So just to make ends meet, I had to train anyone and everyone at any time. So right outside of DC, there was a gym called Planet Fitness. And this was before the Planet Fitness chain. This was an independent gym. And one of the things that made them unique was that they allowed independent trainers to come in and they didn't charge you anything. As long as your members were clients and you were a member of the gym, then you could, I mean, you could basically make your own living there without the need of having to get your own studio or own gym. So it was perfect. Oh, so the people had to be members. Yeah, all of my clients were members, yeah. So, and I looked at it as, I mean, it was just an opportunity to work on my craft. I mean, the skill set of training or teaching or coaching someone really doesn't change a whole lot whether you're an elite athlete or you're just a general, you know, general population fitness enthusiast. So I was still working on my craft, but my interest was always in athletes. And so then that slowly morphed into training any athlete of any sport. I mean, I've done a lot of work in football and soccer. But since my love was in basketball, I knew that's where my heart was. So I over time, and it took several years. Then I finally got to the point where I was only training basketball players. But it was a journey. I didn't just wake up one day and go, I just want to train basketball players and they all just started falling out of the sky. Right, exactly. I was going to ask you. Yeah, I had to earn. And that's one of the things I find interesting is, you know, and I sound old when I say young people, but like people coming up now and they say, you know, we want to be able to do some of the things you do. And I said, well, you can't do what I'm doing now. You have to do what I did 20 years ago when I was in the same position. Right. And if you're not willing to do those things, then you're not going to be able to do these things. Right. Because, you know, it's- The fundamentals. That's a process. Absolutely. And you talk about that in your book and I agree with it 100%, right? I said this earlier before I even saw you today that everyone wants these shortcuts, right? To kind of get to the top tier. But the reality is you need to do the process. You need to learn the fundamentals, the basics, and do them really, really well in order even to get to that place. And that's in any industry? It's in any industry. Before we started rolling, we were talking about The Rock and Mark Wahlberg and other people that have ascended to the highest level of their craft. All of them have mastered the basics. Absolutely. You know, Mark Wahlberg didn't just all of a sudden become a Hollywood phenomenon. He paid his dues and he did the things that he needed to do. And then when the opportunity was there, he was prepared for it. Absolutely. It's preparation. But also all those people who, by the way, I'm going to get on this podcast at one time, Mark my words. Absolutely. I said it again out loud. Now, it's out there in the universe. And I'll help you in any way that I can. Thank you. I appreciate that. It's out there, so let's see. But anyway, back to you. That I feel that it's also work ethic is the thing, right? Like it's preparation, having that work. It's basically having that work ethic to prepare and grind and grind and grind. And people only see what's on the outside. They don't see all the hours that go behind. So I guess, how did you even make a transition from everyday people to being a strength and conditioning coach for basketball? Because that's also very difficult. And that's super competitive. Like every trainer I know, every male trainer, is their thing is they want to be with athletes, right? So tell us. And one thing I know, your future guest, Drew Hanlon, he's the one that coined the term unseen hours. That I absolutely love. And I've stolen that right from him. I've given him credit. If I was making money on it, I'd give him royalties. But yeah, most of what it takes to be successful in anything happens during the unseen hours. And that's, Drew knows that firsthand because he's a major pillar in the players he works with in their unseen hours. Everyone sees once the lights go on and the cheerleaders start dancing, they see the end product, but they don't know how much those guys work behind the scenes with Drew. So yeah, the unseen hours are vital. And as far as making that transition, I mean the first thing I had to do was just set an intention and make a decision. Very similar to you just set that intention of having those folks on your podcast. Like you have to have crystal clear clarity on what it is that you want. But I also realized I couldn't take a full roster of general fitness clients and then the next morning have a full roster of basketball players. It's a process. So over time, while I was in the role that I currently had, I was trying to star in that role, I was looking to expand my role and I would do anything and everything to get in front of basketball players. Because I'm from the DC area, which is one of the hotbeds for youth basketball, I got in with a couple of younger players and once I started working with them then everyone else was saying, well, we want our kids to work with Alan also. And that's the other part to note. Through self-awareness, I realized that I could be the most influential and impactful at the high school and youth level. Like that's the level that I wanted to work with. I didn't have aspirations of working with NBA players. I wanted to work with high school kids because I thought I could be a really good role model to them and help them set the foundation to be the players that they would be. That's a great distinction, right? Because you wanted to work with the youth, the people that as they were rising. So Kevin Durant was obviously, well, not obviously, was one of your people. There's a quote, Alan played a huge role in my development on and off the court and his guidance helped me to get where I am today. This book is a must read. So that's a great testimonial for your book. Kevin's a good, he's a good man. It's funny, I always picture him as a kid and now when I see him, he's doing these commercials and press conferences and I mean, it's just, it's remarkable. But it's really cool to see the growth he's had in every area of his life, not just in basketball. I mean, clearly he's an amazing basketball player, but I mean, when I first met him, the first workout I ever took him through, he didn't say two words in the whole hour. Didn't say two words. Like he was incredibly quiet and shy and introverted. And now this guy leads national press conferences and does international commercials. So just to see his growth in every area of his life has been really fun. It's probably, do you think it's because his confidence obviously grew as he got better and better and better, right? Cause practice gives you the experience that gives you the confidence. So what was the, what kind of put us through what the regiment would be for someone like Kevin Durant? Well, let me take, here's anyone that when they, when they saw Kevin play as a youngster, they said he's gonna end up being arguably the best player on the planet. I don't know that they're being truthful. I don't know that anyone knew he was going to be that amazing, but he had all the raw materials to be a phenomenal player. Give us the raw materials. His athletic ability, I mean, he had a great body. Yes, he was definitely slender, but I mean, he was long and lean. He was incredibly coordinated cause he went from being six one to six nine in like two years. Those talent. He did have the talent. He absolutely had talent. Had a very high basketball IQ. Like he understood the game, but that wasn't by accident. Kevin's always been a student of the game. Like he, he would study the players ahead of him and he would watch game film. Like being, being a smart basketball player was really, really important to him. Most importantly, as you just touched on, he had the passion. See, people forget that it's hard to put in the unseen hours of work if you don't love what you're doing. You know, when, when you're a Kevin, you're a gym rat. You, I mean, there's nothing in the world he would rather do as a teenager than play basketball. And if you think today, look at all the distractions teenagers have today. There's a lot of things they can be doing and getting in trouble with. There was nothing he'd rather do than play basketball. Well, we didn't have, like back then they didn't have the distraction of just plain social media. Yeah, they did not have that. When Kevin was in high school, yes, he didn't have as many distractions as kids today do. And that's why I have such high empathy for kids today because it's easy for us to kind of poo poo on them and say, well, why are you always on your devices? I'm 43. If there would have been iPads and iPhones when I was a teenager, I'd have been on them just as much as kids today would. But they didn't have those distractions. So I didn't have many choices other than to go to the park and shoot hoops. So that's why you're gonna put, I think you're gonna like, you're gonna teach kids early on and the onus is on the parents to create a structure and routine at that age when the kids are allowed to be on there and when the kids are not. Because otherwise, you're right, left your own devices. Of course, when I was a kid, if I didn't have any structure, I'd be like watching three's company and reruns for like 10 hours and being very happy, right? I mean, that's just, that is just the reality, right? Absolutely. And I have three young kids. I have nine-year-old twin sons and a seven-year-old daughter and navigating social media and screen time is a big portion of what we're trying to figure out. It's brutal. Yeah. I have a four-year-old and a six-year-old and all they wanna do is watch that iPad. Yes. It's really, really cool. But it's not gonna change. So it's up to us as the adults to be able to help navigate that safely. You know, it's that adage, you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. And that's the mindset that I have with my kids. Like, technology is not gonna go away. So I have to teach them how to navigate it responsibly. But back to your original question. Here's a story I haven't told very often, but this is what I knew Kevin Durant was going to be an elite human being, potentially an elite basketball player. We kind of lived on opposite sides of the Beltway and the Beltway and DC traffic can be just as bad as it is in New York and possibly even LA. So we had to work out super early in the mornings before school, because I just couldn't, I would pick him up sometimes from his apartment at six in the morning to go work out before school. Sometimes it'd have to be even earlier than that. And I remember a time where I picked him up and I took him to, I'll say it was a YMCA. I don't remember what type of gym it was, but it was just a normal facility. And we went in and it's, I mean, it's a weekday. It's definitely quiet at that time of morning. And there was a really elderly woman work in the front desk. I mean, I didn't ask for her ID, but I'm guessing she was probably 75 or 80. And we were walking in and she smiled and said, good morning. And Kevin just kind of walked past her. He had his hood on. I think he might even had headphones in. He was just kind of, he didn't want to be up that early. No kids want to be up that early. And how old is he at this point? He was 16. And he just kind of walked by her. And to her credit, she said, excuse me young man, I just said, good morning. And for a split second, I thought, okay, an elderly woman is talking to a teenager at six in the morning, like giving him a little bit of grief. This could really turn ugly. Like I sure hope he doesn't turn around and say FU or something like that. And instead he turned around, took his hood off and said, I'm sorry ma'am, good morning. And at that moment, I was like, all right, this kid is high character. He realized that he made a mistake. Probably didn't have the best manners when he walked by her, but he balanced that out by being incredibly respectful. Like that was when I knew he had the framework to have the type of character that would support however good he was gonna be as a player. And at that moment, I was like, all right, this kid's special. Could you take most elite basketball players by the time they're 16 or 17 are riddled with entitlement because everyone tells them how awesome they are. Everyone is kissing their butt. So you've got this teenager who's up early and doesn't wanna be up early. He's coming to do a strength workout which he did not want to do. Kevin hated doing weights with me. And this lady's given him a hard time for not saying good morning. I would think most kids in his position would have rolled their eyes at the very least or given with a finger. And instead he turns around, takes his hood off and says, I'm sorry, ma'am, good morning. Then I was like, all right, this kid's all right because he's got the character that will support however good he wants to be as a basketball player. Because at that age, like you said, so at that age, are there scouts already coming after him and doing all these things at this point? In today's day and age, by the time you're 16, if you can play, everybody's aware of you. Because Kevin had all of the major schools going after him, the Dukes, the Carolinas, the Kentuckys. And he ended up going to Texas because Kevin's always been one that likes to zig when everybody else zags. So he wanted to go to a school that traditionally wasn't a basketball powerhouse so that he could help put them on the map and leave their mark. So yeah, he's a special young man and I'm always, always gonna root for him. So what's one of his things that he did that in his preparation or his routine, that was unique that, you tell me. Well, one of the things that was so cool, even in high school, he was always the first kid to the gym and he was always the last one to leave. So in high school, you basically got the high school coach saying, look, man, I gotta go home. I'm gonna close the doors, you gotta go. I mean, it's been two hours since practice ended and he's still there getting up shots. And then I was friends with one of the GMs with the Thunder when he played for the Thunder and they said it was the same thing. They said that he and Russell Westbrook when they played together with the Thunder started to have a competition to see who could beat the other one to the gym because Katie would be there and Russell would show up and Katie'd be like, where you been, man? You're slacking, I've already been here for an hour. So then the next day, Russell would try to beat him to the gym and it got to the point where they're getting to practice two, three hours early just to see who can get in the gym first. But the most important part is because of their leadership, now that's starting to rub off on all of the other players. Now you've got your other players, your young players, your role players, well, they all wanna show up early because they wanna be like the superstars. So guys like that, their influence is contagious. So they get to the point where just by showing up early and staying late, now that becomes the culture of your organization and now everyone else is doing that. And I think that even rubbed off on James Harden before he left the Thunder. Like these guys that wanna be superstars, they put in the time. Right, put in the time. Yeah, there's absolutely no way you can replace the putting in of time. Absolutely, so let's get into it. So raise your game, the book. Okay, so the first thing that you talk about that you think is probably the most important thing of raising your game is self-awareness. Yes. Delve into this. Absolutely, self-awareness. I know in my own personal journey, self-awareness has been huge. I'm very amicably divorced. So when I was going through my divorce five years ago, I went in for some therapy. Very amicably. Well, I'm proud of that, because I love the fact that Max and I, we can be friends, we get along well, we co-parent very well. So I do say amicably because you don't hear those two words in the same sentence very often. I thought that in your bio, yeah. Yeah, most people are like amicably divorced. I don't think those can be in the same sentence. And they can be if you choose them to be. That part I'm thankful. Is that kind of like the Gwyneth Paltrow, like uncoupling? The uncoupling? The uncoupling, yeah. No, ours was still a divorce, but at least it was, yeah. I made the decision, and I know I go off on tangents all the time. I made the decision that I wanted to be civil, respectful, and compassionate through the whole divorce process. And because I knew that I was modeling for my children. Right, right, of course, that makes sense. What they would see. So thankfully, she made the same decision and that made life a lot easier. A lot easier. Yeah, with that, very, very thankful. But what I was gonna say is going in and seeing a therapist is what really started to help me realize I was very unaware. I had very low self-awareness, probably for the first 36, 37 years of my life. I just wasn't. Did you think you were aware? Of course. Absolutely. Because everyone thinks that they are, right? If we walk outside right now in Central Park and ask everyone are you self-aware, everyone will say yes. But everyone also says they're a good driver. And clearly, not everybody's a good driver. That's like me. Yeah, so most people, and that's the thing. If you're unaware, you don't even know that you're unaware. That's the deadly part. You don't know what you don't know. Yes. And we would say all the time in basketball, it's not the player that takes a bad shot that you worry about. It's the one that takes a bad shot and doesn't know it was a bad shot. Because now they're gonna come down and take that shot over and over because they don't know. Isn't that so true though? People who are just completely unoblivious to how they present themselves in the world. But you're even saying that even people, not the people who are obviously like that, but it's just other people who actually think that they're kind of deep and they have self-growth, they're even unaware. Yes, a good portion of people are. And I look at there's a few levels of self-awareness. On the surface level, you have knowing what you're good at, knowing your strengths, knowing your hopes and your dreams. But then it's also having the courage to look at the other side. I know what things are you not so good at. What are your challenges? What are your fears? What are your deep-rooted insecurities? Like what are the things, if the rest of the world knew about you, would scare you to death? And understandably, most people put that stuff at arm's distance. Because who wants to spend time thinking about their insecurities? Well, until you get a hold of them, they can run your life or they can run your decision-making process. So doing the dirty work or the hard work of being able to face your insecurities and face those things is vital. And I don't know if you were prepared for an eight-mile M&M reference, I saw that in your book, by the way. To me, that's the, and I'm an M&M fan. I'm an, so am I, I like M&M. But an eight-mile, spoiler alert for anyone that hasn't seen the movie that's now 20 years old. It's like 20 years old. I think it's not a spoiler alert anymore. Well, it was basically in his rap battle, he owned all of his insecurities and deficiencies before the other guy could make fun of him. And it's like, if you own that stuff, if you know what things are your shortcomings and what things you're insecure about, then you have the power over them instead of them having a power over you. So that's one level. Then the next level of self-awareness is making sure that the way you view yourself is the way the rest of the world sees you. And perfect example would be, if I asked you if you were a good listener, clearly you are. But if I asked you if you were a good listener and you said yes, and then I asked the people that know you the best and they said, no, Jen's an awful listener, well, that would mean there's a difference between the way you see yourself and the way the rest of the world sees you, which means you're actually unaware. Now, if I asked you if you were a good listener and you're like, oh, no, I'm not. And then I asked the people closest to you and they said, yeah, she's not. You would actually have high self-awareness because you'd be aware of the fact that you're not a good listener. And so making sure that we have, and this is not about pandering for people's affection or adoration, it's simply about making sure that the way you see yourself is the way the world sees you. And that's one of the problems with folks that have narcissistic tendencies is they view themselves as much better than the rest of the world views them. They see the world through blinders and they think they're the best thing in the world and most people tend to disagree. So then how does someone like, I know you're not a psychologist, but are there ways to improve somebody's self-awareness? Because I know that in the book, you give people like a quiz and test. Well, the crazy part is I think the way that you improve self-awareness is by asking those close to you. That's really the only way. Because as you said perfectly, you can't see your blind spots. Now, part of self-awareness is acknowledging that, hey, I do have blind spots. I can't see what's in them, hence the reason they're blind spots. But if you're my good friend, can you help me see what's in those blind spots? So every one of us has blind spots and that's why we should insulate ourselves with people that are willing to tell us the things that we need to hear. Yes, the truth. I think the truth is the best gift. That's the best gift you can give someone. Just tell them the truth. But it's funny because here you are working with a bunch of athletes and you're saying self-awareness is the most important thing. Absolutely. To raise your game because that you build on other things. And yet like a lot of people would say that athletes, people who are celebrities, people like that are the most narcissists because all they have around them are people who are like, you know, basically, yes, yes, yes, man, yes, man, yes, man. So are you saying that people who are truly the best in their field don't have that narcissistic quality? Well, I think that might be a stereotype. I'm willing to bet that the highest performers in any industry, they have incredibly high confidence. I mean, their ego is something they'll also always have to keep in check. But I don't necessarily classify them as narcissists because I think most of them do at least insulate themselves with a couple of people that will tell them the truth. And one thing I've noticed in sport, the best athletes in the world all have coaches and they all want coaches. And they crave coaches that can give them the type of feedback that helps them get better. I agree with you, actually. I think that what happens a lot of times is to sustain success, you need to have the confidence and the humility to balance it out and surround yourself with people who keep you in check. It's when the people don't, when they have a bunch of yes-men around them and what I've noticed in my own personal life is when mayhem happens and that success becomes kind of untethered and you lose it just as fast because you're not, the fundamentals, yet again I keep on saying that word, don't are not in check, right? For sure. So basically to kind of help with the self-awareness surround yourself with people who are true friends and family who will give you the truth, who will kind of keep you in balance and hold you accountable. And in my opinion, that's what a friend will do, that's what a good coach will do, a good teacher, anyone. And as soon as you find that someone is not willing, well part of it too is we, if we're gonna consider ourselves the performers, we have to create a safe environment where we show that we're open enough to allow that type of feedback. Like I want the people closest to me to know, I want you to tell me things that I might not wanna hear and I want you to tell me things you might not wanna say but it's gonna be good for both of us in the long run if we're just honest with each other. And people, I used to be so fearful of confrontation, even just the word confrontation made me uncomfortable but confrontation is really just facing the truth head-on. That's an old coach K quote, like that's all confrontation is. Like you and I are having a disagreement about something and we just need to face the truth head-on. You need to explain how you're feeling and why you're feeling that way. I need to do the same thing and we're doing it in a safe enough space that the end result is we're both gonna be better off for it. So it's not me versus you, it's me and you and let's find this result. And as you know, especially in fitness, you have to go through discomfort in order to change your body. Like that is, and it's the same thing in anything. If you want your relationship to improve or you want emotional growth or you want your company to improve, then you have to be willing to go through periods of discomfort and getting feedback that you don't necessarily want to hear but is good for you is just part of that discomfort. And like just to kind of keep this going, it's not, it's also why it's important is is to focus also on your strengths but also know your weaknesses. So then you have a, you can figure out ways to kind of balance them out. So like that really resonated with me because that's my entire life, right? Like I know what I'm, I feel that maybe I don't in everything but I feel like I know what I'm good at. And I also, more importantly, know what I'm really bad at. And when I know what I'm bad at, I make sure I have people who I work with who compliment my strengths. So you can delegate the things that you're not very good at and or not like doing. That's how I think people really do become more successful. Absolutely, and that's how it teaches me. Exactly, and that's why it's important. That's why I think at the end of the day why self-awareness is so important. For sure. For anything else that comes, right? For sure. If you look at, take a typical NBA team. Now you've got maybe two dozen just amazing stars in the NBA. These are the guys that can do a little bit of everything. The LeBron James, the Kevin Durantz. But outside of those top players, everyone else in the NBA is a role player. Everyone else has one, sometimes two very specific skill sets that they can perform at a high level. And that's what they focus on. That's what they practice. That's what they do during workouts. That's what the team needs them to do. That's what the team pays them to do. And if they step out and start trying to do other things then the whole ship gets confused. And it's the same thing in business. Like if you're in marketing and I'm in accounting I don't need to be telling you how to market our company. I need to stay in my lane and do the accounting and same for you. And if you do your job and I do my job now together collectively will help the company raise their debt. No, absolutely. And that's why I think it's important to say that because a lot of times you could be again a jack of all trades and a master of none. But in reality, if you become a master of that one trade that's when real success and that's when you really kind of flourish, right? Because you can do a little bit of this and a little bit of that and then you end up doing a lot of nothing. Yes, absolutely. That's how I see it in a way. And when you can not only know your strengths but align those with the things that you also really love doing well that's when you're in your strength zone. That point of intersection between what you're good at and what you love wherever that thing intersects that's your strength zone. Because it's not just doing the things that we're good at. I mean who wants to spend their life doing things they don't like doing. So I delegate anything that I'm not good at or I don't enjoy doing and I delegate them to people that actually enjoy them. So I'm not giving someone else an errand I'm giving them something that they want to do. Absolutely. That's how high performing teams work. And it's also I find it sometimes I have to say though I have empathy for it because it's me too. Like what happens if you're good at a few things, right? And you could be a bad at a lot of things. How do you whittle down to that one thing that you should focus on? So you're saying, I mean, I think I'm only good at a very small handful of things. No, no, me too. There's a whole bunch of stuff I'm not very good at. Oh, I agree, but I'm saying besides you and I, right? There's other people in the world who hopefully are listening to this podcast. And they're like, well, I really like and I'm good at like these three things. And they don't really, they have you how do you whittle it down and be how do you only focus on one thing? How do people like get to that point, right? Well, how do they find their superpower? How do they find that one thing to focus on? I think a lot of it is good old fashioned trial and error. I mean, one of the things you said that was so powerful before, not only do you know what you're good at, you know what you're not good at. Well, just as important to know what you like is to know what you don't like. And it doesn't matter if you're talking about trying to find a career or trying to find a spouse, like you need to know what you like and what you don't like. And sometimes that's just trial and error. That's why I encourage my own children to try as many different sports and activities as possible. And I say, look, if you sign up for baseball, if we sign you up, you're making the commitment to play the full season. Because if you're gonna start something, you're gonna finish it. If at the end of baseball season, if you don't like baseball, you don't ever have to play again for the rest of your life if you don't want to. But now you can check something off the list that, hey, I don't like this. And when I look back on my own childhood, I was very focused just on sport. I was not very well rounded. I never tried anything in the arts. You know, I didn't sing. I didn't play an instrument. I didn't dance. I mean, it's funny thinking about if I had, but I didn't even try any of that stuff because all I wanted to do was play sports. And who knows? I may have liked that stuff. I might've found a hobby or something that I liked. So with my kids, I want them to try as many things as they can. To find their passion. Yes. And anytime you can cross something off the list of, this isn't my thing, that's a good thing. Because now you don't have to try it again. And you're actually, you're narrowing the field down of what you will find. That's a 100% true, right? So like you should be trying a ton of stuff at the beginning or not at the beginning, when you're starting out kind of thing in life. Because that's how you really figure out and whittle down what you really want to do, what you really like, where your passion is. Because I think everyone does have passion within them. It's about untapping it, unlocking it and figuring out what it is, right? Absolutely. Because you don't want to do something for the rest of your life that you don't have passion for, right? I mean. To me, I think anyone that does, I feel bad for them. No, exactly. I feel that, you know, but a vast majority of people, that's what they do. But right, because they don't, because they don't have a lot of times they're fearful of trying. And then that's what holds them back. But then if, when you have the passion, right? That's when you have, that's when work ethic and discipline come in, right? Absolutely. Like even for you and I, you know, like in the, let's just stay fitness wise. You know, I like to run on a treadmill, right? I just do. And no matter how much, you know, someone says, oh, you should try, you know, cycling or you should, I'm like, I don't like it. So if I don't like it, guess what, I'm never doing it. I don't care, even if I'm a fitness person, I'm highly motivated. I love being fit. I'm very active. I won't do what I don't like. And that's people. So that's why when you find what you like, you're gonna end up doing it over and over and over again and get better at it. Absolutely. And that's why, you know, I've always been fascinated with language and with words. And we may see this one different. I'd love to hear your opinion. I mean, one of the most popular words in entrepreneurship and fitness is the word grind. And I don't like the word grind only because the connotation it has with me is it's like miserable. Like I don't want to grind through life. I have a great work ethic and I put a lot, I put my heart and soul into everything I do, but I don't want on my tombstone. I don't want someone as Alan grinded through life. Like that's not a compliment to me. Now, I also, I'm not saying those that like the word are wrong, they might have a different interpretation of how that word makes them feel. But when someone says like, Alan, you got to rise and grind. No, I don't. I'm gonna rise and enjoy the hell out of my life and I'm gonna do what I love to do and I'm gonna do it to the best of my ability, but there's no grinding going on. It's funny you say that. And that's just that specific word. No, I agree. Well, I think that's fine. You're very literal about the word, right? Like grind, cause it does. It has a connotation that like you're like, basically like being, you're being forced and doing something you hate. But I think that's just a popular hashtag. You know, people just like, people are like masses, right? Like, oh, someone, six people use it. I'm gonna use it. And like, I'm also like, I'm a, what do you call it? A victim of that myself. But I understand your point. Like I get that, you're right. And the other one is hack. People talk all the time about looking for a hack. Oh, I'm just saying that earlier. And like there's no shortcuts in real life. Yes, but to me, when I hear the word hack, that's how I interpret it. I interpret it. If you're looking for a hack, you're looking for a shortcut. And that's not what I do. So I don't, I'm not trying to hack my life. Or a hack of a, you also talked about like a comedian's a hack when they're really bad. Yes. That is absolutely a definition. See, I read your book. I know you did. I appreciate it. I did, I read your book. This, I don't even know if this is the area we're going, but one of the things I think too is important is when you decide what it is that you wanna be good at is not just having the narrow focus on the ways that you can improve that skill set. See, one of the ways that I mentioned in the book that I try to improve my craft as a professional speaker is I study hip hop and I study standup comedy. Cause those are two different forms of being in the orator that I'm fascinated with. So whether I agree with Eminem's content is irrelevant, but his precision, the way that he can bend words, the way that he can tell a story, you know, all of that stuff is an insane thing with a standup comic. You know, what they do, I don't wanna be a hip hop artist and I don't wanna be a standup comedian, but I wanna be able to emulate portions of their craft that fit in what I'm trying to do to make me better at my craft. Well, I, okay, it's funny you say those two because both of those, to do both of those things well, I mean, that's like crazy talent to be able to do that, to stand up in front of a bunch of strangers and like flow jokes or like to figure out jokes that are, but you gotta be super clever and super intelligent for that. And it's a ton of unseen hours. And it's a ton of unseen hours to like, to think of the joke, to practice the joke, to figure out what the joke is gonna, how it's gonna like, well how one thing basically flows into another one, it's virtually, for me it would be impossible, I would never be able to do even 30 seconds. It's an amazing craft. But what do you mean that you look at those? What do you get from that? Like what do you, how does, where does it teach you? Purely from trying to be an orator is their timing, their ability to pause or change their inflection, their volume, their physicality, their body language. You know, I mean, when you think about it, and when you stand up comedy, a standup comic for the most part has nothing other than a mic. Like there's no props, there's no slides, there's no, there's nothing. I mean, carrot top might be different, but generally speaking. And same as the hip hop artist, they have a mic. Yes. Or not. And that's it. It's the same thing. Yes, and they have to control an entire room just based solely off of what they say. And they realize that the words that they say, that the actual words are only a small portion of what they're doing, the way they say their words. Again, and you use the word flow, I love that word. Their flow, their rhythm, their timing, what they enunciate, what they say quietly, what they say loudly, how long they pause in between something completely changes the message. So most people would think that a standup comic, they only have words in their toolbox. No, they've got 50 things in their toolbox. And how funny they are depends on how well they use those tools. And I try to look at myself the same way as a professional speaker. I have a gig tomorrow morning in Orlando. I have a lot of tools at my disposal to get my message across to those people, hopefully in an entertaining and engaging way. And I can't just use my words or just use slides. I have to use everything I can. So as I watch standup comedians or I watch hip hop artists, I think I'm getting better at learning how to use those verbal tools. And then I try to apply them to my craft. Right, to be better. Absolutely. So, but before you came on here, I did another podcast with a woman named Lydia who wrote a book called The Most Powerful Woman in the Room is You, right? And one of her things that she talks about is public speaking is one of the most, one of the benchmarks of being really successful is being good at it. So you just touched upon the fact that you're doing a speaking engagement. Now, do you find that to be something also to be really good at something? Is that like a secret? Like you should be really, if you're a really good speaker, that gives you an edge. I think, you know, for me, what's interesting, I've got four speaking engagements this week. Well, look at you. I mean, speaking, yeah. No, speaking is my primary vocation right now. And it's, and I absolutely love it. Are you bragging? I am a little bit. The high that I get when I'm on stage, I don't think is any different than a stand-up comedian or a hip hop person would feel other than the fact that I'm not selling out Madison Square Garden. I'll have 150 people in a conference room. But I love being in front of people and I love sharing things that I'm passionate about. And I love giving people principles and strategies that they can apply to their life to get better. But the craft of speaking is something, I don't take myself very serious. I take my craft and my work very seriously. I mean, we're going on a tangent here. Tomorrow will be a 75 minute keynote. That's a long... Oh, really? See, I think that's short. What? I gotta do a TED talk for 18 minutes. I'm like freaking out. Well, here's the thing, and this is just my opinion as a professional speaker. I think the shorter the time, the harder it is because when you only have 18 minutes to do a TED talk, you can't mess up a single syllable. Right. Like there's not, you can't steer off. But when you have 75 minutes, you have a little bit of leeway. And I do, I do half day workshops and full day training. So I might be in with a corporate group for eight hours in a day. I've got plenty of time to go off on tangents and talk about things. When you have 18 minutes, you gotta keep that high and tight. No, exactly. I love that. It's so true, right? Okay, so then let's get, we went on a tangent. Okay, so... That's okay. We're not doing a TED talk, so it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. We're not. You're right. We can go on and on here at Nauseum. But okay, so where do we leave off before we talked about the public speaking? Do you remember? I'll just keep going with this and while you're thinking of what you want to say. Okay, please do. So with the professional speaking, I think there's three things that you need to look at. One is the content. So do I have something worth sharing that's gonna help someone? That's a portion of it. Two is the delivery. Can I share whatever I have in a way that makes you want to listen? Because remember, we're all competing for attention. So if you were gonna be in the audience tomorrow in Orlando, it's my job to be more engaging and entertaining than whatever's on your phone. Because I need you looking at me, not looking at your phone while I'm talking. And then the third part is, and this is very similar to fitness, it's the business side. Like you could be the world's best speaker, but if you don't know how to run a speaking business or you don't know how to get clients, then it doesn't matter how good you are because you're gonna be in trouble. So there's those three different pillars. And I try to give each of those pillars, my focus and trying to make sure that each one of those is in alignment. Because I'm not trying to only do two out of the three. If I wanna be a really good professional speaker, I gotta go three for three. And I gotta focus on those three things. So you're basically then talking about how you prepare for these things, how preparation. So let's go back with the book because there's much more here. So discipline, do we touch upon that? I liked one lesson actually. You talked about a guy named Dave Bullwinkle. Who's a scout for the Chicago Bulls. Good friend of mine. And he taught you a very valuable lesson about, and this applies to life. Absolutely. So do you wanna say it or do you want me to kinda talk about it? I'd be happy to take you through it. Yeah, this would have been well over 10 years ago, but he was a scout for the Bulls and his job was to watch college players to decide who the Bull should draft in the upcoming draft. And there was gonna be a game in DC where I live where Syracuse was gonna play Georgetown. And for the college basketball purists, they know that 10 years ago, back in the real Big East, that was a huge rivalry. This was a big game. Both teams had several players that were NBA caliber players. And the game was gonna be a two o'clock tip-off. And he called me a few days before and asked if I wanted to join him. And yeah, I have a Saturday open, a free basketball game, yeah, I'll be there. And he said, why need you to meet me at the arena at 11? And I got a little confused. I'm like, why would we ever have to be there three hours before tip-off? And he said, well, I need to be in there watching these guys when they don't think anyone else is watching them. I need to see how these players prepare. Yes, I need to see how serious do they take their warmup with their strength coach? How serious do they pay attention to their coach during their walkthrough? How much respect do they show the building service workers? Like I wanna see how they behave when they don't think someone's watching. And I remember he took page after page of notes when no one was in the arena except for he and I and he actually took more notes then than he took during the game. And I was blown away by that. And I would never mention players' names cause I don't wanna diminish anyone. But there were a few players who their stock went up based on the way they behaved and prepared. There were a few players whose stock went down based on the way they prepared. And in the NBA, you know, every position you fall in the NBA draft based on the slated rookie contract scale, you lose about 250 to $300,000 a year. So instead of being the 10th pick, going to the 11th pick, you lose about 300 grand a year for your first three years. So I'm not even saying this for dramatic effect. If you fall six or seven spots in the draft, you lose several million dollars in income. And if the reason you dropped several slots in the draft was because you don't take your warm-up serious or you're disrespectful to the building service worker, like that's just unacceptable. You know, control the controllables. Do what you're supposed to do in preparation and then those things won't happen. And to me, that's one of the biggest lessons I try to teach folks, you know. If you're going to lose a game or you're going to lose in a relationship or you're going to lose a piece of business, make sure it's not because of your effort or your attitude. Make sure it's for a different reason. Like if we're going to play a basketball game tonight, if you beat me simply because you're more talented, it'll still suck, but I can live with that. If you beat me tonight because I didn't play hard or I didn't have a good attitude, that's just unacceptable. Right. Well, yeah, so there's two things here, right? So the story that you said, what the message I got was you always act as if someone's watching you because everybody's always watching. So when you act as if, right, or because you never know, when you think no one's watching, there's been so many times when you know that happens, right? And those could be the biggest faux pas, right? Absolutely. But then the other thing you just said is control your controllables, which to me is another way to raise your game, right? Because you can, you put a lot, people put a lot of mental energy focus onto things that is completely out of their control. Absolutely. Versus the stuff that you can. And you can't only control much, you can control what your attitude. I say attitude and effort. And effort. You could, one could argue you can control your preparation, you control your enthusiasm, but I'm a believer that preparation is simply a combination of attitude and effort. That is effort, right? And enthusiasm is attitude and effort. So I think those are the only two things that we have 100% control over 100% of the time. There's other things we have influence over. Right. It's just actual control. So for me and my own life, if it doesn't have to do with my own attitude or my own effort, I do the best I can to not worry about it. Right. And to disregard it. And it's hard to do. Of course it's hard. It's very difficult. That's also, you got to train yourself. You got to train your brain. Yes. To not allow yourself to go there. Because it's very easy for me anyway. I get so worked up over things that are completely out of my control. Yes. And I lose my shit over it. And then. But now, if you're at the point where you can catch yourself doing it. That's exactly. You can shorten that window. So maybe beforehand, the old gen, when you'd get upset about something outside of your control, it puts you in a bad mood for a full day. Yeah, no. Now it puts you in a bad mood for a couple of minutes because you can catch it. Absolutely. So perfect example. We're in beautiful New York City. When we're done recording, I got to head to the airport to fly to Orlando. I don't control what traffic's gonna look like between here and there. So true, yeah. And there's a good chance in New York City the traffic is not gonna be very cooperative. So if I get stuck in traffic, what good is it for me to get upset? For me to get, you know, like it doesn't, it doesn't help. Cars are still in the way. If anything, I'm just making my life more miserable by getting upset at traffic. And raising your cortisol level. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it'll literally kill you. It'll literally kill you, exactly. And a distress will kill you for that. So I think a good way to do that maybe just self, like try to catch yourself like you said and talk yourself down the ledge. Like self talk, like nothing you can do. And like have those mantras in your head, right? Cause it does help. Okay, let's- And one of those mantras is that we, I'd said earlier, I said that note would make sense is to be where your feet are. That whole concept of being in the present moment. So be where your feet are. So to me, if I get stuck in traffic or when I get stuck in traffic after this is I don't have to worry about the future. Oh my gosh, am I gonna miss my flight? If I miss it, is there gonna be another? I don't have to worry about any of that. I just focus on being in the present moment. Just take a couple of deep breaths and just focus on whatever I'm doing. Which might just be looking out the window and enjoying a beautiful day in New York. Might be getting caught up on some emails or phone calls. But wherever you are, just be there. And that's one of the hardest things, I think it is for people to do. Absolutely. I mean think how many times you've been in a conversation with someone, they haven't really been in, they're not there. They're not thinking about, no, they're thinking about something else doing something else. That's why you said active listening in your book too, right? Like being an active listener. Don't just like listen to hear it until when's the next break that you can talk, right? Be able to like take it in, actually actively listen to what they're saying. And I think that's one of the most important skillsets cause it has such high utility. Being a good active listener will help you in every relationship in your life. Every personal and every professional relationship you have will immediately get better if you learn to actively listen. And yeah, and that's one for me. I talk about having low self-awareness before. I was an awful listener for most of my life. Now I'm not a world-class listener but I'd like to believe I'm getting better at it only because I'm conscious of it. Cause I would find myself, while you're speaking, I'm formulating what I wanna say back to you. Cause I'm a very competitive person. So it was always this, I wanna show you I'm right. I wanna show you I'm smart. Whatever you're saying, I'm gonna beat that. And what an awful way to go through life, right? It just take a breath and listen to what the other person is saying and then follow that up with something insightful or- Or not. Yeah, absolutely. But I think active listening is one of the most important skillsets. And I've noticed how much it's just changed in my life. Again, just being focused on it. Anytime now, cause the thing too is you had mentioned trajectory before, especially of your show, which is ramping up big time, which is awesome. We don't have to worry about where we are. We just have to focus on the direction that we're going. So I'm not worried about the fact that I might not be a world-class listener at the moment. I'm getting better every single day. I'm a better listener today than I was a year ago. And if you and I reconvene a year from now, I'll be a better listener then because it's something that I'm conscious of and I'm trying to improve. And that's what should be most important. Progress is way more important than perfection when it comes to any of this stuff. That's a good quote. I've said that all the time. I think a lot of people say that progress is much better than perfection or more important than perfection. Okay, so give us a couple more secrets from the best of the best of high performance. We went over a bunch. Secrets, yeah. Yeah, that's what you call it. You said high performance secrets from the best of the best. I do. You know what's funny is my publisher said, you can't ever say anything disparaging about your subtitle. And I'm like, you guys realize there are no secrets. Like what it takes to be successful, plenty of people have already told us. I don't think it's a secret at all. I'm just reading off the cover. No, I know you are, but that's the reason I started the chuckle. Because you're 100% right. I mean, anything that we consider or people consider a secret, those are the ones that are looking for a hack and are trying to grind through life. Exactly. You know what, that's funny because I think all of this stuff, and I've been doing this for a little bit now, I write about it in like four or five years. This is common sense stuff. None of these things, no offense, but like what's in all these books and columns and stuff. But you know what it is? It's like common sense isn't so common. Correct. And so people need to be reminded constantly of these things to kind of get it, to basically to remind them that, you know what? Like it's all within all of us to do these things. Absolutely. If we're just reminded of it. You know, like I'm not perfect in any of this by any means. I'm sure you're not either. Correct. And neither is Kevin Durant. You know, it's constantly it's like working and effort, it's putting the effort in. Absolutely. To be reminded. Well what you just hit so perfectly and this can kind of be the major hub of all of it is what I call a performance gap. And that is the gap between the things we know and the things we do. I tell people all the time, reading my book will do absolutely nothing for you. Reading my book and actually applying it will change your life. So just the knowledge in and of itself doesn't do anything. And everyone listening to this and myself included, we have things that we know we're supposed to do and we simply don't do them. I mean, especially in the fitness world, I mean a good portion of it, if you were to ask most people walking the street, could they come up with a list of healthy foods? They could do that. And if you ask most people, how many hours should you sleep each night? They'll give you a number real quick. And if you ask most people, like generally speaking, they can't design a workout the way you can, but what should you do from a fitness standpoint? They'll say, do something physically active most days of the week for 30 to 45 minutes. Walk 10,000 steps a day or whatever. Now all of these people know those things, but statistically very few of them are doing any of these things. So it's not that they don't know, it's that they don't do. And to me, that's the most important concept from the book is we all know a lot, we just need to start doing. And in fact, I'm like you, I love professional development. I read, I listen, I listen to your show. I'd listen to anything that can get me better. But I know for a fact that if I didn't read, watch or listen to anything new for one year, but all I did was implement everything I already know, my performance would go through the roof. That's how much stuff I'm leaving on the table of stuff that I know I should be doing and I don't. It's so true. It's an incredibly humbling feeling. I mean, and that's the other thing is, maybe in health and fitness, you and I have very small performance gaps. We know what we're supposed to do and we do it, but then we have to look at- No, I had big performance gaps actually. In fitness? Yeah, I think, yeah. Really? I think because I'm a creature of habit, so I like to do the same things like I was saying earlier, I don't like to do what I don't like to do. But I love to do what I love to do. So I'm super dominant in one area and not so, and actually the opposite. But I think that is life. I think everyone's like that and it takes a lot of tweaking and training your brain like I said earlier to change that. But what I was gonna say to your point was, you're right, I think that what happens a lot of times is people are like keep on getting more and more information overload and they're not acting on what they already know. And that's really the truth. All of this is, these are actionable items, right? There's a reason why what we're doing with this podcast and your episode and everybody's episode is we are creating journals for everybody. So whatever you tell people, we're gonna put it into a PDF and anyone who's listening can download it as actionable items because to that point, exactly. Otherwise, people just hear this passively when they're driving, right? Cause they're on their way to something and then they don't act on it, right? They're like, oh, that sounds good. I'm gonna do that. Right, and then they don't because then they're listening to another podcast talking about another thing. And that's the problem with all this personal development stuff sometimes is that like if people just chose one or two items to focus on and just did those as opposed to listening to a beret of stuff, yeah, a beret of stuff and then like doing nothing, right? So with that being said. Well, last thought we'll end with is that people say all the time that they're trying to add tools to their toolbox. I'm like, why? Just so you can carry around a heavier toolbox. A heavier toolbox. Like what's the point? If you're not gonna use the tool, how many hammers do you need? Like if you're not gonna use the tools, then what's the point of adding them? And I think some people, they get so much satisfaction by listening, reading and watching to all of the new stuff and it makes them feel good. I just listened to Jen's podcast and I heard eight new things, man, this is awesome. Well, if you don't do anything with it, it's less awesome. It's less awesome. Instead of, you might have heard eight things that you loved. Just pick one and do that one and do it consistently. Do it during the unseen hours and you'll see your life start to change. And then when your life starts to change then pick another one and do that one and then pick another one. Cause we're in this for the long haul. I mean, statistically speaking, barring some type of accident. I should have another 40 or 50 years on this planet. That's a lot of time for me to start using these tools that I've been accumulating. You're accumulating. So let's wrap it with two things. Number one, I wanna ask you about those hot socks that you just brought me. Why did you bring me hot socks? Cause it's a reminder to be where your feet are. So anytime you have those socks on, I just want you to think I need to be present. I need to be in the moment, wherever I am, make sure that's where I am. Oh, I love that. Be where your feet are. That's why. I've heard Oprah and Nick Saban both say that quote. So I don't know who to attribute it to. Be where your feet are is not an Allenstein Junior original. I got it from one of them, but it's to me it's one of the most powerful mindsets we can have. And I say it to myself all of the time. Are those socks, hot socks that you remind yourself? Yes, absolutely. Okay, I'm gonna wear them later. And then- I feel like I should get a hot socks sponsorship or something. You should. I'm gonna reach out to them. Exactly. Free advertising. I know, right? Cause you've been doing, I'm sure every podcast and any other thing you go on your top, you bring the hosts, hot socks. And then the last thing is, what are your habits and rituals that you do every day? I have a few. One that the two that I'm most proud of is I make my bed every single day. And I've been doing that long before the Navy Admiral. Yeah, I came up with that. Not that, yeah, I've just been doing that for a long time. And I've been doing the Headspace Guided Meditation app. In fact, this morning was my 801st consecutive day doing it, cause it keeps track on the app. Wow. So that's why I like to start my day. I miss the day. No. And I love the gamification. Again, I told you I'm competitive. Yeah, you are. So there ain't no way I'm gonna let that streak break. But those two things where most people think, how is making your bed gonna do anything to change your life? With a simple win and a simple discipline. And by minutes of meditation every morning, I just start my day in a more peaceful and grounded way, which then helps me do whatever I'm gonna do next. So 10 minutes is not a lot. 10 minutes done every day for 800 straight days is a lot. And it's just like building something brick by brick. One brick doesn't make this Marriott. Right. Thousands of bricks makes this Marriott. So that's where we have to look at it. Yeah. 10 minutes, if you're only gonna do something 10 minutes one time, yeah, don't bother. If you're gonna do something 10 minutes every day for the rest of your life, it can absolutely change it. Yeah, consistency. That's great. Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. My pleasure. The book is called Raise Your Game by Alan Stein Jr. And how do people find you? If they're interested in the book, they can go to raiseyourgamebook.com or they can find anything about me at alansteinjr.com. Can they buy this on Amazon? They absolutely can. I bought mine on Amazon. Or if they're mesmerized by my silky and sexy voice, they can get the audible because I did the read for it. So, you heard it here first. Yeah. Thank you so much. Absolutely.