 Genesis chapter 2 beginning at verse 18 reading to verse 25 the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helper comparable to him out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field every bird of the air brought them to Adam to see what he would call them whatever Adam called each living creature that was its name so Adam gave names to all cattle to the birds of the air to every beast of the field but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place then the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and he brought her to the man and Adam said she's ugly no and Adam just seen if you're listening this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man therefore man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh they were both naked the man and his wife were not ashamed I want to just lay a foundation just bottom line foundation so the other man can build on on this foundation and give to us some insights and things that the Lord gives to us that I'm certain are going to be of benefit to us so I'm just going to give a very basic very basic Bible study as I as I introduce our conference today somebody once said the most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding it's probably true to some degree but as we look at this topic today we need to begin by simply stating the obvious I must first say that marriage throughout the world is being redefined in our own nation many of our leaders have rejected the concept of what is at one time was referred to as the traditional family there was a time when family was defined simply as a husband a wife raising children born to them as a married couple but today what is being offered in its place is a new definition that does not necessarily include the word marriage today to be a family only requires people caring about one another and they don't even need to live in the same house and sometimes they'll have children together and though they're not living together they're not married they have children they begin to refer to themselves as a family well marriage and its meaning and its importance as obviously steadily eroded over the last generation there are many reasons for that but I'll mention what would seem to be the most obvious the fact and the simple fact is is that divorce has produced millions of single-parent homes so millions of children are being raised in a single-parent home and those children are growing up without valuing marriage it doesn't have the same meaning to them as it does for those who are raised with two biological parents and so how can they value what they themselves have never experienced now there are Christians who have found themselves in that situation there's no condemnation to them we do not want to condemn or come off in any way as condemning to the single parents who are doing their best to raise their kids properly yet I'm sure that we would all agree that the ideal situation is a husband and a wife loving one another living together and raising their children together now the breakdown of marriage has affected the nation that we live in and its value is questioned among our youth and common cultural wisdom has affected the younger generation's perception of morality even those calling themselves Christians have become confused over these issues same-sex unions are constantly and forcefully presented as equal to heterosexual relationships this arrangement has gained the backing of modern psychology as well as the courts of law legalized homosexual marriage exists internationally as well as nationally and at this time in the United States there are some 17 states that have legalized same-sex marriage what's interesting about that is six states have done so by court decisions including California eight by state legislature and only three by popular vote 33 states still have same-sex marriage bands but the tide is turning in this battle what is occurring is a redefinition a redefinition of marriage and what happens is marriage is now being reduced to something being reduced to what would be called a civil matter homosexual unions are being presented as equal to the male and female marriage relationship and through enactment of lots becoming recognized as morally equal the activists know that the average Americans morals are determined not by scripture not by cultural tradition but the average Americans morals are determined by the things that are legal and so the sad fact is that under normal debate certain things are never really brought up concerning the differences between a heterosexual and a homosexual union for example homosexuals as a group have significantly higher levels of promiscuity of suicide domestic violence and relational instability in comparison to heterosexual relationships that's never brought up and so what we need to do is we need to be a voice for what God has stated in his word is marriage and what we do is we speak from a Christian perspective so we can ask the question what is a Christian marriage what is marriage and what is a Christian marriage and so at this point I'll give a simple definition a Christian marriage is a total commitment of one man and one woman to the person of Jesus and to one another it is a commitment in which there is no holding back of anything marriage is the refining process that God uses to have us develop into the person he wants us to become Proverbs 27 17 says as iron sharpens iron so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend and so we together sharpen one another and it's the refining process that God uses to help that to be so as you read the book of Genesis within the first nine chapters there are three institutions that are basic to civilization that are created you have the creation of the church human government and you have marriage and so what we'll be looking at obviously is an introduction to marriage now begin with me in verse 18 and note how it says here that God says it's not good that the man should be alone I will make him a helper you get into chapter one of Genesis you move on into chapter two and as you're reading you note that when God began to create all things God created them and said he pronounced all these things good the first thing that you find in scripture that God ever states is not good is when he says it is not good that the man should be alone God had determined from creation that man should have a mate and that that mate should be a woman it isn't good that the man should be alone so I will make a helper comparable to him and so it is not good that man should be alone Ecclesiastes 4 9 through 11 says it like this two are better than one because they have a good return for their work if one falls down his friend can help him up but pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up also if two lie down together they will keep warm but how can one keep warm alone so God intends for us to have somebody in our life that is an encouragement and as the scripture says a helper that is comparable to us now in a sense the man was not yet complete it's been said man is incomplete until he marries then he's finished and that's true but when it says he made Adam a helper that word helper that we use is actually a weak word it doesn't really express what the what the original language with the Hebrew actually says the word weak there is the word easer and it speaks of active intervention on behalf of someone else especially in a military context and Deuteronomy 33 7 for example it says here oh Lord the voice of Judah restore him to his people though his own hands strive for him help him in other words be with him against his foes intervene on his behalf and so Eve was to be a counterpart to him actively intervening on his behalf in the wars of life so the basic thing that we can get at this verse first is this one even when you have a relationship with the Lord it's possible to have an aloneness we're created for fellowship with God and we're created for fellowship with other people and marriage is intended to fulfill our need to love others and be loved by someone else second marriage is God's idea it's not man's invention intended to license and enslave women though that's not that bad an idea God said it's not good that man should be alone and God said I will make him a helper so we didn't invent it it's from God and what's interesting to me about all of that is God knew Adam's need before Adam even realized that he had such a need God's aware of what we need before we're even aware of it's like what Jesus said in Matthew 6 verse 8 your father knows what things you have need of before you ask and so God was well aware in his creation what he intended to do and was well aware of it before Adam even had a thought about it and God intended for for marriage to bring something into the life of Adam that was lacking it was intended to bring joy and satisfaction obviously we've we've all heard this story of the woman who awoke during the night and she found her husband was no longer in bed and so she put on a robe she went downstairs and there he was sitting at the kitchen table and he had a cup of coffee in front of him and so he was in deep thought and just staring at a wall and she saw him as he began to wipe a tear from his eye and was taking a sip of his coffee she said to him honey what's the matter what are you doing down here at this time of night and he said well you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16 she said yeah I do you remember how your father caught us in the back of the car yeah do you remember how he shoved that shotgun in my face and said either you marry my daughter or spent 20 years in jail yes I do and he wipes away another tear and he says you know I'd have gotten out today that's an old joke you guys still laugh so what did God do God gave Adam a helper in the car no God gave him a helper now Eve was given to Adam as a gift but it's not one of those gifts that you exchange to get what you really wanted you don't re-gift your wife you know because even such great gifts sometimes may be a bit difficult that doesn't mean we get rid of them again it reminds me of a story of a couple that was driving down a country road and they were angry one with one another they weren't talking at all they were arguing neither wanted to concede their position so they pass a barnyard of mules and pigs and the husband looks at his wife and says relatives of yours she says yeah they're my in-laws well Eve was supposed to be a helper a helper comparable to him now we need to remember it says comparable she was not less she wasn't any better she was just different and she was intended to correspond to his exact need so that gives us insight the mate that we have though there are the majority of the things we have in unity that's what brought us together and keeps us together but there are other things that actually they bring into the mix that fill in the gaps that we have in our lives and complete us i've noticed that to be true in marriage god seems to match us up with people who can fill those gaps you may be a person who is habitually late you will be the last person up in the rapture you'll have one more thing to do when you hear that trumpet i'll be right there lord but you marry somebody punctual some of you got in a fight this morning you knew you were supposed to be here at a certain time and the other one had one last thing to do they were putting on their makeup right and you said to the husband honey you can put your makeup on when you get there so late punctual some people are very messy everything has its place in the place it's the floor but you have other people who are just rate you know they're going to pick up all of your mess they're clean some people are very very loud you go to the restaurant you can hear they're loud and then there's the other person who's really quiet and it just kind of fills the gap there are some people who are very very generous then they marry mr cheat we just have a tendency there are the ones who are are grouchy and they seem to marry the ones who are cheerful somebody asked the question do you wake up grumpy in the morning and the answer is no i let her sleep so some some people are lazy and some people are very active some people are pessimists and some people are optimistic some are very creative in everything they do and some are very static some are very volatile some are very patient it's just the way it is and we have a tendency of filling in our gaps and that's what Eve was going to do with Adam she was going to complete him now notice how it says in verses 19 and 20 that the Lord formed every beast of the field etc and that gave to Adam an opportunity to realize something to realize that he's alone so the survey of animals in pairs brought to the surface is natural longing something that was already there for a mate and so what does the Lord do verse 21 says the Lord God caused the deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept so God intervenes God takes an initiative and he does so on behalf of man he does it for Adam and it says here he caused Adam to go to sleep and so if we graciously rest in God God will graciously work for us and work all that for our good going to sleep and it says in verse 22 the rib which the Lord God had taken from man made into woman that word made it's very powerful word it actually contains what would be called an architectural element the word is built or fashioned and so God actually fashioned this woman precisely for him I was reading how God did not take the woman from the man's feet to be trampled upon and enslaved or from his head that she should dominate him but from his side to be his companion from beneath his arm to receive his protection and from near his heart to have his love and affection and what the Lord did is he brought her to the man now notice with me that the man did not have to go looking for the woman but God brought the woman to him and what's very interesting is when we have our wedding ceremonies I as a minister will be standing up here and I'll ask the question who gives this woman to be married to this man and the father of the bride normally will say her mother and I do that tradition came from this passage here because God is the one who brought as a father his daughter to Adam and so God brought the woman to the man we have some in the room right now who are are single unmarried I can tell because you're still happy and you're smiling you weren't forced to come I got when I was born a long time ago now I wanted to get married I think from very early in my life I think I proposed to the nurse that was attending my birth I wanted to get married and so as a young man growing up a young boy growing to a young man I was the kind of guy that if I began to date somebody that I was certain that this was going to be my bride the first woman I ever asked to marry me was named Bernadette Archuleta she was four years old and I was I was four we were both four years old so I wanted to get married from at least the age of four so by the time I went to high school and started meeting young ladies I began to wonder is this the one is this the one and so what the Lord did in my life is he allowed a natural longing to exist but my problem was this I was too anxious so it would seem that I would get an attachment that was stronger than was normal I'd want to be married and all and it never really worked out and so now I'm saved at the age of 20 and now I'm thinking for sure I'm going to get married because I've got God on my side and he says if there's anything that I desire I should ask and he will give it so I go to Bible study and here she comes Miss Lovely and I would say in Jesus' name that one's mine I claim her in the mighty name of God they didn't like me so I didn't I didn't I didn't have any dates a friend of my name George Adams was speaking to me on one occasion and said to me that he had prayed a prayer he had said he has read in his Bible and the Bible says that Adam went to sleep and God brought to him his wife and George said I prayed that prayer so I went home and I thought that's a good prayer because I'm obviously too anxious and so I began to pray that prayer and when I prayed God in Jesus' name may I fall asleep to my desires and may I delight myself in you for your word says if I delight myself in you you will give me the desire of my heart the desire of my heart really ought to be to delight myself in him but I applied that to other things that he had promised me in the word which would be one would include the fact that one day I would be married and I said to him would you allow me to be asleep to my desires I am tired of looking at this woman thinking oh maybe she's the one maybe this one's the one you see I said father in Jesus' name put me asleep to my desire and so my brother got saved in august august fourth he needed to be a disciple then I began to teach him Bible studies and so I began to teach him Bible studies and one day the young lady came walking into that Bible study and as she walked into that Bible study as I was teaching my brother there was a sense in my heart that this was the one that the Lord was going to bring to me I didn't act on that she didn't fit the bill you see I I'd been praying for a blonde blue-eyed and this one had been kept in the oven a little bit longer and I spoke to this young woman after the Bible study and the first thing she asked me is what is your sign she was going to college and that was the cool thing at that time horoscope and this and that she says what's your sign I said the fish and she said oh you're a Pisces and I said no ichthuse I'm a Christian I don't believe in horoscope and that's stupid stuff I've always had a genteel way about me a lot of manners and so we began to speak and I asked her when did you become a Christian she says oh I've been a Christian all my life so she lied to me too horoscopes and line that's not a good combination but as we were speaking there was something about her and so I drove home I was living in Norwalk I drove home with my sister Madeline and and I turned to Madeline and I said I just met my wife I just met my wife she was unsaved no I did not date her as an unsaved woman because two weeks later I think two or three weeks later she gave her heart to cry and she needed discipling so badly that shows you my heart that I began discipling her and have been with her for now 30 some years and that's what the Lord does so the unmarried instead of running around looking on e-harmony and coming to church and looking around maybe that's the one if you delight yourself in the Lord he will give you the desire of your heart I used to tell my kids prepare yourself the best that you can because the best person that you can be is the best gift you can give to your wife or your husband be the best man for the Lord or the best woman for Jesus and it works together because a man who wants to have a great wife is going to be looking for a godly woman be that godly woman so seek him first in his kingdom all these things shall be added unto you seek him first and watch what god will do in your life and god brought this woman to adam and god had fashioned her for him and adam said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh the first human is given reported speech for the first time only when there's another human to whom to respond the speech takes the form of a verse what is called is a naming poem adam asked god why did you make eve so beautiful god replied because i wanted you to love her adam said why didn't you make her a little smarter god replied i wanted her to love you so adam's response is one of gratitude first love is always very powerful and therefore he breaks into song and he he sings three things this song has three ingredients one a full awareness of woman's derivation from man she's like me she's flesh of my flesh secondly he recognizes his authority because he named her and thirdly he recognizes her kinship she's from me and he sings this beautiful song to this woman that god had brought and then we have the addendum therefore verse 24 a man shall leave his father mother and be joined to his wife that they shall become one flesh they were both naked the man and his wife they were not ashamed and so this is interesting and i'll close with this but a man shall leave his father and mother one of the greatest problems in marriage is the failure of leaving one's parents parents are no longer to be the controller of the lives of their children when they get married in surveys it's been asked who has the most difficult time within laws and uh the respondents normally will be from the woman's perspective the woman will say i have great problems with my mother-in-law and uh that's that can be a general truth at least those who responded you know because let's face it you know the young man was used to certain things and mama knows best and now he's married to this young woman this hussey who stole her baby and oh no he doesn't like his food cooked like that and oh he doesn't like the house cleaned like that and mama doesn't mean badly by it it's just that she's intervening and the young woman um you know is just constantly being taught by the mother-in-law to make things just right for the for the baby you know um marie and i lived a year with our family as we saved money to buy a house and for that year she never complained my wife never said a thing to me and 20 some years later she finally told me that was tough and i said you're kidding me she said no it was tough your mom and every day i didn't didn't bathe the baby ride i didn't i didn't do things right every day i heard that i said well you you know mommy was right you know so you'll have real problems in marriage you have to separate it's not necessarily like when my kids get married i'm not necessarily becoming the the the child who's not born to me i'm not becoming their new father in reality what i am is to step back and let them see me as what they want me to be but i'm not to impose myself on them i'm to let them be what they are supposed to be a new family having a new life together my responsibility ended when they got married and now they go off and do what the lord would have them to do and a man is to leave his father and mother and cling into his wife he's to cleave to her the word cleave speaks of being cemented they're supposed to be glued together it's supposed to be the two that become the one it's like two pieces of plywood that have glue that are pressed together and the two now become the one but if you try and drive a wedge between those two pieces and pull them apart damages on the inside it destroys from inside and so i is called by god to step away from my family to cling to my wife Marie and that's why our marriage one of the reasons our marriage has been blessed by the lord Marie and i got together early in our marriage and we made an agreement we will never say to one another i'm going to divorce you she said i'm going to kill you a few times but she's never said i'm going to divorce you and so they were naked now obviously that's more than mere nudity they were naked before one another they were open they were emotionally physically and spiritually open to one another they were close to one another they laughed with one another talked to one another fellowship with one another and they loved one another it's been said those who have no sin in their conscience might well have no shame in their faces though they have no clothes on their backs and the two became one and they were a perfect couple in the original perfect marriage and then they had kids perfect couple perfect marriage perfect relationship god wants to do a work in us today to bring that sense of love and unity and oneness he wants to do that today and i pray that he accomplishes that in us as we go through the rest of our teachings let's pray