 I'm on the top, make it good job. Literally, I'm shaking. Okay, so I was at the mall, right? And I was looking for, I was looking for shoes. And there's this guy, and he's like humming. He's like humming, like bouncing his head, like looking up and down to me. And I'm thinking he's going like, hmm, hmm. And, oh my God, oh my God. And I'm like, ew, off, like gross. Like I said it really loud too. Just for this, some girl to look at me, she goes, that's my husband. He's deaf. He hums because he can't hear himself. He's not hitting on you. Oh my God. Hi, my name is Tiffany, and I am a former fetus. On behalf of all fetuses, I would just like to say, please abort us. We don't want to be here. It's really not fair how it takes a plastic bag approximately 20 to 100 years to break the down. But it only takes one minor inconvenience for me. This simple, shit the fuck. Hi, excuse me, we have equality. Shit things happen to women and men. Hi, no we don't. Shit things happen to everyone regardless of gender. But shit things don't happen to men simply because they're men. I'm tired of being misgendered. Stop using sir and ma'am. And if you're gonna use sir and ma'am, at least look at the person you're getting ready to say, can I help you? Before you say, can I help you, sir, to a female? Since we're on the topic of things they don't understand, when women give birth to a baby or whatever, how come they don't have to take a DNA test but the guys do? Like, it just seems kinda sexist to me and unfair. The only guys have to take DNA tests when women give birth to babies. Like, it just doesn't make sense to me. And how do they know like, she's the mom? Like the real mom, you know? So I've had this job for like a week and a half, right? And I made sure when they interviewed me that my sleeves were rolled up so you could see that I have tattoos to the wrist. And I've worn short sleeves to this job every day for the past almost two weeks. And I already worked the whole lunch shift, okay? And I left, changed, put on makeup and came back so I could host tonight. Could they have talked to me about it before I left so that I would know what to change into? Maybe. But apparently my tattoo of a woman is inherently explicit. And I said, what about a woman's body parts are explicit? They said they just are. Bulls***, if it were a topless man, this would not be a f***ing problem. Now I need to get a long sleeve shirt from somewhere. So I need to cover up all of my tattoos. I'm f***ing up so f***ing mad. So I guess we'll just do it for the money, right? I'm not sure if any other girls did not know this information because I did not know it for 23 years of my life. I did not grow up with men in the house. So I've just learned something about the male body and I don't know what to do with this information. I'm having a conversation with my boyfriend and he says, yeah, like usually in a year I'll only buy a 12 pack of toilet paper. And I'm like, that doesn't add up. He tells me that, no, he like pees in the morning and then after his coffee at work, he will go take a dump at work. So therefore he's not using really any toilet paper at home. And again, I'm like, that, no, that doesn't make sense because you're still going to the bathroom in the morning. The luck he gave me was like, no, I don't need toilet paper in the morning. I'm like, yes, you do, wait, what? So I've just learned that when men go pee, they don't, you know, use toilet paper or anything. And probably makes me look real dumb right now, but I just, I didn't know. I don't know what to do with this information now. Guys, guys, I was laying down. I'm laying down, I'm still laying down. And I just got a new piercing and my earring is stuck to my pillow and I can't move my head. I tried to move my head and I think I feel my ear rip off my head. Guys, I really can't move my head. I can't move my head at all. My head's stuck to my pillow. If I can't get off, I'm at the girlfriend apartment. My phone's at 3% and I can't get to talk. Why am I gonna, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. This hurts so bad. I can literally feel blood circling in my ear hole. I can't move. I'm fast into my pillowcase. Cause I'm really scared apartment. I swear to God, I've never been so terrified of my entire life. I can't get, my ears stuck. I can't get it up. I'm gonna puke. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna puke. Yeah, I'm so scared you're gonna throw up. Yeah, I think I'm gonna do that. I can't get it off. Smoke shop to get a new lighter and some dabs or whatever. And the guy goes, didn't I just get you a lighter yesterday? And I was like, well, yeah, but it kind of lit my bed on fire. So I don't really want to use it anymore. And he goes, well, why didn't you bring it back? And I said, I don't know. I figured it was mostly just a user error. And he goes, don't be silly. Take this one. And he gave me this, like oh my gosh. Oh my God, I lit my car on fire. Tell me how you know fast food workers deserve to get $15, if not a ton more. I'll go first. So when I was 15, I had my first job working at Wendy's, the burger place. We had this limited time only mushroom burger thing. It was super gross to assemble, smelled funny. It was just not a good time for the employees. As the name implies, it is limited edition. We don't stock it after we're done that very limited run. So a dude comes in and wants to order it after that time period and gets super upset that we won't make it for him. When I tell you this man demanded his burger, he was full on screaming, banging on the counter and acting a damn fool over a mushroom burger. Tell me why at 15, my manager told me, go call the police. We need to escort this man out. No nuance November, but it's women in sports. There's no sound logic as to why women shouldn't be able to play in the MOB as a non-contact sport. One of the largest wage gaps that we have to this day in this country is sports. The average WNBA player makes $79,000 while their counterparts in the NBA make $7 million. Men that use the argument while they're softball or there's the WNBA don't understand this wage gap and don't understand that in the off season, most of these major league players have to work a coaching job to support themselves. Men masculinizing women in sports makes women not wanna play sports. Major rappers and celebrities who worship the NBA but don't keep that same energy for the WNBA only push the notion that women's sports are worse and are one of the major problems with sports. Women don't like watching the NFL because there's absolutely no female representation. Along the same lines, it's 2020 and men still aren't making room for women in sports. The only room that they have made is to report on them or cheer for them. I just got home from work and I walked in my backyard trying to let my dog out. And you know what just happened? I got a giant McCall just flew on my back. It had been me twice. What the fuck do I do? Really shaking. I hate birds. The government do let's this out their house. Okay, update. Got him on my shoulder. He bit me again. Yum. What if he touched me? He just took a fucking shit on me. He's like, what the fuck? I'm trying to fucking save you. He's gonna take a shit on me. Hey, if you wouldn't date someone because they're fat, that's fat phobia. Fat phobia is rooted in women and anti-blackness. I think it's hilarious that statistics show that all single unmarried women live happier and healthier lives than everyone else. While single unmarried men are most likely to die lonely and depressed. But men get on this app trying to scare women with threats of perpetual singledom. Can we talk about the fact that getting married means you have to share a room with someone for the rest of your life? No offense, but that sounds terrifying. Like imagine having a bad day and you just wanna be alone and you get home and there's a man on your bed. Tell me you wouldn't scream. Scott, hey, it's Courtney from Bumble calling you back. Yeah, I was just wondering if you fancied a shag behind a dumpster. Ah, you're looking for something more casual. No problem. I am so sick of falling in love with book characters that don't even exist. I'm okay though.