 The Jell-O program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with Good Morning from Babes and Arms. Have you people got what I call a second helping family? A bunch of real he-man-eaters who always come back for more? Well, if you have, Jell-O is one mighty fine answer. Well, with Jell-O, you can always have plenty. First, because Jell-O is amazingly inexpensive. It costs only a few cents a package, and one package serves the average family generously. And second, Jell-O is so quick and easy to prepare, there's practically nothing to it. It dissolves instantly and hot water and sets quickly in your refrigerator. And Jell-O makes such swell desserts. It's a brand new hit every time. All six flavors are crammed with extra-rich flavor. That's put into Jell-O by a special process, and seal right in so it can't get out. It's a flavor so rich and full, tempting and delicious, that it tastes as refreshing as the real ripe fruit. Just be sure to get genuine Jell-O when you buy. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Orchestra, and now, ladies and gentlemen, for the third time this season, we bring you our master of ceremonies. A man who smokes a cigar so short that it finally becomes an inlay, Jack Benny. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, that introduction was so cute, and you're so big that I just can't be mad at you. It was very clever, Don, although a bit exaggerated. Well, Jack, you do smoke your cigars pretty short. I know, Don, but there's a reason for that. It just so happens that the cigars I smoke are very hard to get. They're made especially for me by a man in Tampa, Florida, a fella called Perfecto Ginsburg. Oh, it's an excellent smoke. Are your cigars very expensive, Jackson? Well, they are, Phil, if you buy them individually. Of course, you can order them by the box or by the gross and save money. How do you get them? Jack buys them by the yard and cuts them off. Now, Mary, that's not only silly, but unbelievable. Go on, you even send your old matches back to Sweden to be redipped. Mary, the only matches I ever sent back to Sweden were those that didn't work. Jeepers, nobody could be as tired as you make me out to be. Oh, no. Tell them what you did last week to Little Dennis Day, our new singer. Mary, we got a long play to do tonight. And now, folks... Come on, Mary, what happened? And now, folks... What about Dennis? Jack paid him a salary in silver dollars and then taught him how to stand on his head. Now, Mary Livingston, you're just making that up. In the first place, I don't pay Dennis a salary. I give it to his mother, who in turn gives it to Dennis. Who in turn stands on his head. Oh, that's tough on him, Mary. Phil, when we need a scorekeeper here, I'll let you know. Meanwhile, make like a mummy. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as you may remember, last week we announced that tonight, the Benny Leibstock Company... I mean the Benny Leibstock Company... would present their version of Daryl Ebsanic's production, Stanley and Livingston. Now, in our version, I will play the part of Mr. Stanley, the newspaper man, as portrayed on the screen by that sterling and inimitable actor, Spencer Tracy. Inimitable? Yes. What are you talking about? That guy's a great actor. Phil, that was a compliment. Inimitable means that Spencer Tracy cannot be imitated or duplicated. Not tonight, anyway. We'll see about that. Now, Mary, you're going to be my secretary. And, Phil, for some unknown reason, you're going to be the editor of the newspaper, you know, my boss. Your boss, eh? Yes. Benny, you're fired. Wait for the play. And, Don, Don, you're going to be a cannibal. A cannibal? Why, Jack, you promised me that I could be the editor. Gee, I had the headlines all set and everything. Yes, Don, I can just see the big red letters on your headlines. Rain tomorrow, so go to your neighborhood grocer for Jello today. We'll take care of that for you, Don. Now, Dennis Day... Wait a minute, Jack. Dennis isn't here yet. He isn't? What's the matter with that kid, anyway? I told his mother last week that he must be here on time. You know, Jack, I don't think Mrs. Day likes you very much. Oh, she doesn't. I should worry and get a wrinkle. Just worry about the ones you got. What was that? What'd you say? I said, just worry about the ones you got. A wrinkle? Never mind. I'll find out what's keeping that kid married. Get Mrs. Day on the telephone. It's Hollywood 2734. I'll tell her a thing or two, believe me. Operator, get me Hollywood 2734. You've been getting away with murder, and I'm not going to put up with her temperament any longer. What are you going to do? Get off the program? Phil, you better keep still. I'm mad at you clear through Christmas already. And another thing. Hello? Who is this? Oh, Jack, it's Gladys. Hang up. I gave you the wrong number. Mrs. Day is Oxford 7071. Oh. Operator, get me Oxford 7071. Gee, I got a little mixed up there. Gladys, eh? Say, Jack, is that the tomato I saw you with on Vine Street the other night? Phil, she's going to have her teeth fixed so no crack. She's a darn nice kid. Hello? Guess a minute, Mrs. Day. Here's your call, Jack. Okay. Hello, Mrs. Day. This is Jack Benny. Now, Mrs. Day, what about Dennis? We've been on the air 15 minutes and he's not here yet. What? He's been a bad boy and he can't come to the program. But this is his job. I don't care if he won't eat his carrots. There must be other ways to punish him. But I know Mrs. Day. I know Mrs. Day. I know Mrs. Day. Look, he knows Mrs. Day. Mary. Now, will you... Now, will you please... Now, will you please make an effort to get Dennis over here immediately? Thank you. Goodbye. Oh, just a minute, Mrs. Day. Why we're on the subject. I've had just about enough of your meddling. I'm running this program. If you don't like it, you can stay away. All right, Jack. Take your finger off the hook. Mary, I was just rehearsing what I'm going to say when she comes in. Now, everybody settle down. Come on, Phil. Let's have a good number. Two, seven, three, four. You know what I meant, Phil. So hit it. Okay, Jackson. I can't understand Gladys being home. She told me she was going to Santa Barbara for the weekend. From George White Scandals, played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Oh, pardon me, Jack. I just found this gold cigarette case under the piano. Does it belong to you, Phil? No, I don't carry one. Now, let's see that, Don. I thought it might have dropped out of your pocket, Phil, while you were leading the band. No, it isn't mine. Let's see that, Don. Is this your cigarette case, Mary? No, I don't smoke. Let's see that, Don. I'm sure it doesn't belong to any of the boys in the band. Of course not. Let's see that, Don. I know it isn't mine. Let me see that, Don, for goodness sake! Now, give me that cigarette case, and I'll hold it until the rightful owner claims it. But, Jack, I found it. I better hold it. Don, I'm responsible for anything that's found in the studio. So hand it over. Okay, Jack. Here you are. Thanks. And now, folks... It's beautiful, isn't it? It's gold, all right. Well, getting back to our place, Ami and Livingston, we, uh... smart-looking, too. Lovely. We have attempted something in a more legitimate vein. Now, in our version, as I said before, I'm going to play the part of... Come along, Dennis, and stop sulking. Yes, he is, folks. Tuck boat, Ami. Well, good evening, Mrs. Day. I'm so glad you were able to get here. Really, it's very sweet of you. I'll have no sarcasm, young man. I had a perfectly good reason for keeping Dennis at home. He was a bad boy. But, Mother, I don't like carrots. I don't blame you. Dennis, if you ever expect to be a great singer, you must eat your vegetables. Mrs. Day, for your information, Bing Crosby never ate a carrot in his life. And he's doing all right. Well, Crosby feeds carrots to his horses. Yes, and look at them. Well, they need his raw meat. Now, let's forget about carrots. Oh, Dennis. Yes, please. Right after your song, we're going to do our play. And since you don't like vegetables, you're going to be a cannibal. Dennis is not going to be a cannibal. I'm sorry, Mrs. Day, but that's what he'll have to be. He's had no acting experience. What else can he do? I can stand on my head. Wait till Saturday. Anyway, Dennis, it's all settled. Oh, no, it isn't. He must have a more dignified heart. Oh, I suppose you'd like to have him play the lead. I suppose he can do a better job than I can. He's right. Oh, Mrs. Day, give it to him. Mary, she doesn't need any help from you. The old hag. What was that? I said, let's play tag. I feel young. Now, let's have no more interruptions, please. Go ahead with your song, Dennis. Yes, Mr. Benny. Hold it a minute. Come in. Well, you're part of the interruption, Mr. Benny, but I was rehearsing in this studio today, and I believe I left my cigarette case here. Did you happen to see it? Why, yes, a cigarette case was found. As a matter of fact, I have it in my pocket. Well, thanks. I'll just take it and run along. Oh, I'm sorry, but you'll have to identify it, Mr... Mr... Oh, Kaiser's the name. K Kaiser. Oh, K Kaiser. Evening, folks. How y'all? Well, I... I didn't recognize you when you came in. Say, who is this guy anyway? Got a big hand. Phil, this is K Kaiser, the orchestra leader. Oh, you working around here, Bob? Well, for heaven's sake, K Kaiser has his own radio program, and one of the greatest and most popular bands in the country. Well, thanks, Mr. Benny. Thanks very much. Oh, so you're in my racket, eh, Kaiser? Let me ask you something. How many pianos you got in your band? One. Well, take a look over there. I got two pianos. I got one good one. That's very good. Well, K, I'm really glad you dropped in to see me. I didn't drop in to see you. I just came back from a cigarette case. Oh. Well, as long as you're here, we might as well do a routine about it. That's Jack, all right. Free talent, Benny. Mary, I'm just trying to be a good host, that's all. Well, K, what are you doing out here in Hollywood? You're generally broadcast from New York. Yes, but I came out here to make a picture for RKO, so that's right, you're wrong. Oh, is that so? That's a swell title. You know, I made two pictures last year. He's making one good one. Mary, please. Well, K, how much longer are you going to stay in California? Well, we only have one more week out here, so I'd better take my cigarette case now. Oh. Well, look, K, I'll be glad to return the case to you, but I've got to be certain it's yours. Can you identify it? Why, certainly. There's a monogram on it. It says KK. What more do you want? Now, wait a minute. KK could stand for a lot of things. Chris Kringle or Crazy Cat? Why, it could even stand for Phil Harris. Oh, you mean Colonel Corn? That's it. That's it exactly. Okay, I'm afraid you'll have to identify the case a little better than that. Well, I don't know if I can. I just got it yesterday for a present. Well, maybe I can help you. Can you stand a quiz? Why, sure, sir. Shoot the sizzlin' sibilant sticklers, and I'll endeavor to circumvent the seriousness of the situation I'm in. Oh. Well, that took up two minutes, right there. Well, all right, K, let's go. Now, our first question comes from Mr. Jack Benny of Beverly Hills, California. Mr. Benny would like to know what metal your cigarette case is made of. Well, it's... Now, listen, K, here's a clue. When the blue of the night meets the watt of the day, da-dum, da-dum, dee. Gosh, that's beautiful. Phil, keep out of this. Have you got it, K? Well, would you give it to me just once more? Yeah, look, when the blue of the night meets the g-g-g-g-g-g-g of the day, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, K. G-g-g-g-g-g-g. Yeah, yeah. Students! That's wrong. Let's go. Now, K, I'll give you another chance. What's inside the case? Cigarettes. Correct. And what kind of cigarettes are they? Now, uh, let's see. I-I should know cigarettes. Well, K, here's a clue. You are my la-la star. You are my what-what star. Lucky. Lucky what? Lucky strikes and thanks for the plug. That's well, K, and here you are. You win. Here are your cigarettes. Well, what about the case? You don't get that. You missed the word gold. You didn't say gold. Well, I tried to, but you had your hand over my mouth. Oh. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day will sing... Jack, I'm not leaving here until I get my cigarette case. You'll have to see me later, K. Pull up a chair and watch our show. What are you gonna sing, Dennis? I'm gonna sing... Dennis is going to sing south of the border. And if you don't mind, I'd like to have Mr. Kaiser conduct the orchestra. I'll be glad to. Fine. If he picks up that stick, I'll phone the union. Oh, Phil, don't be such a baby. Sing, Dennis. That's where I fed him out to play. Never dreaming that and I lied. I'm singing south of the border and very good, Dennis. Thank you. Now, we're gonna do our play now, so take your clothes off and put this ring in your nose. Okay. Mr. Benny, I told you Dennis is not going to be a cannibal. All right, then I'll make him my native guide. That's a cannibal who went to college. Are you satisfied? And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction, Stanley and Livingston. The opening scene is the editorial office of the New York Herald. Where we find Jack Stanley, star reporter, and his secretary, Miss Mary Latush. Latush? I quit. Mary, we don't want to confuse your name with Dr. Livingston. Come on, come on, let's start the show. I want to get on you, Benny. Phil, just because you're my boss in the play, don't let it throw you. We now take you to the office of the New York Herald. Curtain. Music. Mr. Latush speaking. I hate that name. Mary. Who was that? Gladys. I want you to bring some white rock. Now, don't bother me for the next half hour, Miss Latush. I'm writing a story about Dr. Livingston. Is that the explorer that's lost in Africa? Yes, and the boss wants me to go look for him. He thinks it'll be a great scoop for the paper. Here comes the boss now. Where is he? Where is that star reporter? Let me at him. Look at him. Hello, Chief. There you are. And I'll see you, Stanley. I've been looking over that story you turned in yesterday. And it's the worst lot of junk I ever heard. Well, I thought it was pretty good, Chief. Good? Why, that stuff was turbulent, stagnant, abominable. You're showing off now. Last week, you didn't even know what that meant. Never mind the wise tracks. You either go out and get some hot news or resignate. Resignate? I knew he'd slip. Well, look, Chief, I'm trying to get all the news I can. Well, you can't sit here and wait for it. You've got to go out and dig, dig, dig. Chop, chop, chop. Well, all right. I'm doing my best, Chief. And another thing, Stanley. I gave you an assignment two weeks ago. I told you to go to Africa and find Dr. Livingston. Well, I'm waiting for my laundry to come back. He sends it to Walt Keegan. I do not. Now listen, Stanley. You better find Livingston. You're fired. You hear? Fired. Okay, Chief. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, boy, was that fun. Last time, I'll work for him as long as he works for me. Well, so long, Mrs. Tush. It looks like I got to go to Africa. I'm off to the jungle. Wait a minute. I'm going with you. Oh, what could you do there? You need a straight man, don't you? That's right. Well, come along, gal. We might as well leave right now. We'll find Dr. Livingston, or my name ain't Jack Stanley. Six months later, the Stanley expedition has reached Africa and have started their long trek into the jungle. As we pick them up, we find Mr. Stanley with his native guide, Zombie. That's you, Dennis. Who is accompanied by his mother. Oh, fine. Go ahead, Don. Africa, the jungle. Gee, it's hot. Four months trekking through the jungle and still no trace of Dr. Livingston. Mr. Tush, what have you got your finger up in the air for? I'm trekking, too. Hmm. Now, stick close to me. We're in constant danger. I wonder where we are. Wait. I'll ask my native guide. Hey, Zombie. Yes, please. Hmm. How far are we from Tanyanika? Me think, got him walked six more miles. Dennis, watch your language. Mrs. Day, he's a native. He's supposed to talk like that. Oh. Lead the way, Zombie. Just about enough of this jungle. Nothing but swamps and wild animals and those awful tits he flies. I wish they'd stay off my glasses. Oh, well. It won't be long now. Oh, Jack. Jack, watch out. What's the matter? Look what's in front of you. Look. Good heavens. Look out, Mrs. Day. There's a boa constrictor right in front of you. Well, let it get out of my way. Don't think it won't. Now, let's all be careful and stick close together. We got to watch out for cannibals. Come on, Zombie. Lead the way. Six hours later, our little group of explorers is approaching the village of Tanyanika. It's a wild and desolate country. Will they find Dr. Livingston? We shall see. Hey, Zombie. Are we near Tanyanika? Yes, Master. Plenty soon. Good. This may be the moment we've been waiting for. Oh, Jack, look. Look at that sign on the tree. Where? Right there. This is Wilshire Bowl, 9,000 miles. I must make a note of that. The boss will give me a raise. Hey, wait a minute. See that hut over there in the clearing? Look, Master. White man. White man. You're right, Zombie. Where are you going, Jack? I'm going over and talk to him. That might be Livingston. Pardon me, sir. Are you Dr. Livingston? No, I'm young Dr. Kildare. Dr. Kildare, what are you doing in Tanyanika? We're having a sneak preview of my latest picture. Oh, have they got a theater here in the jungle? Yes, there it is. Oh, yes. Well, I'll be darned. Jack, look what's coming next week. What? Man about town, starring Rochester. Oh, well, I got a fine chance here. Oh, well, so long, Doctor. So long. Lead the way, Zombie. We must find Livingston. Three weeks later, the Stanley expedition, tired and weary, have now reached the little village of Zambezi. Will they find Dr. Livingston? No. Well, there's no use stopping here. Come on, kid. We must find Livingston. Two years later, in our brave little band of explorers, after many hardships and privations, have now reached the little village of Tanyanika. Tanyanika, we were here two years ago. What's the matter with you, Zombie? Don't blame Dennis. Well, he's our guide, isn't he? Dennis is doing the best he can. Mrs. Day, my nerves are shattered. I'm at my ropes then. We're out in the jungle. Uh, uh, uh. Take it easy. Well, I'm afraid we'll have to give up. Our expedition is a failure. Listen, do you hear that? What is that, Zombie? Yu-Gi-Gi tribe. Very bad cannibals. Cannibals? Don't worry, Mr. Tush. I'll talk to these Yu-Gi-Gis in their native tongue. Here they come now. Gee, they look fierce. Yeah, look at their leader. Are those teeth? That ain't a grand piano. Now, all of you stay here. I'll go ahead and talk to them. Hoka. Hoka. Ni-hoka-ku-a-rani-kili-hoka-doctor-livingston. Guba. All me no jello. Straba. Razba. Chara. Orange. Lemon. Lime. Buga. Now, look, Chief. Master Him, no, Chief. This man, Chief. Oh, I'll talk to Him. Hey, Chief. Ni-hoka-ku-a-rani-kili-hoka-doctor-livingston. No-hoka-ku-a-rani. He's pretty mad. It's lucky I bought some drinkings with me. Here, Chief. Here's a string of beads for you. Guba beads. Mi-puka-bomba-hoka-cigarette-case. Cigarette-case? The Dukes is Kate Kaiser. Let me out of here. Oh, no, you don't. Student. Guba, Professor. Yes, grab him. All right, all right. Call him off. Here's your cigarette case. I wasn't going to keep it anyway. Thanks, Jack. So long, everybody. With all the cannibals in Africa, I had to meet him. Oh, well, play, Phil. Everybody likes to save money when they can. And here's news about some delicious new desserts that are economical, easy to make, and swell-tasty. They're the new jello puddings, vanilla, chocolate, and butterscotch. And are they grand? Smooth as satin, rich and creamy, with a flavor, a texture, a taste that's every bit as perfect as the old-fashioned kind. But jello puddings cost you only a few cents and take far less time and trouble to make. Each package serves four to six people. You'll say it's kitchen magic. Or all you do is add milk, then cook and stir until the mixture is creamy and smooth. That takes only a few minutes, and you have a swell dessert. Vanilla pudding, delicate and inviting. Chocolate pudding, rich and dark and real chocolatey. Butterscotch pudding with a mellow, golden color. And a true butterscotch flavor, the good old-fashioned kind. So try all three new jello puddings. The best way is to buy three packages at a time. Ask your girls tomorrow for jello, vanilla, butterscotch, and the chocolate pudding. We're a little late, so good night, folks. This is the National Broadcasting Company.