 J. E. L. L. Oh! The Jello Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with high-hole from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Here's the man who wants us to settle an argument. Music Here's the man who wants us to settle an argument for you. for him. He's Mr. O. Beck of South Perry Street, Chicago. Mr. Beck writes, one person who claims there are two Jell-O's. Another tells me there is only one Jell-O, which is right. Well, Mr. Beck, that's one argument which is easily settled. There is only one Jell-O. The name Jell-O is a trademark. The property is general food. If you hear any other Jell-O's in dessert called Jell-O, you'll know that isn't correct. Well, there is no other Jell-O. That's why we always urge you to ask for Jell-O by name, whenever and wherever you order it, whether it's from your grocer or in the restaurant. And here's something you want to know. Restaurants serving real Jell-O can obviously an autographed picture of Jack Benny. So look for his picture as your assurance that they serve genuine Jell-O. And remember, to enjoy Jell-O's extra rich fruit flavor, Jell-O's delicious true fruit goodness, always insist by name on the one and only genuine Jell-O. The whole played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a little surprise for you. Jack wired us at going to a slight delay on the train. He will be just a few minutes late. So in the meantime, while we're waiting for Jack, I'll turn the microphone over to his good friend and pinch hitter, Georgie Jell-O. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, Jell-O again. This is George Jell-O to stand in talking. I want to tell you folks that I'm very happy to be here tonight for two reasons. First, it's an honor and a pleasure to help Jack out. And second, it's a job. Of course, Don, it's nice to be working with you too. Well, thank you, Georgie. I think we'll get along just fine. Oh, by the way, Don, does Jack, I mean, he expects to give me something for this, you know? By that, I mean, I hope he won't take advantage of our friendship. Oh, no, Georgie, no. You know, Jack wouldn't do a thing like that. I'm sure that he will compensate you for your work. Well, I hope it's with money. You see, Don, I've already got a boy scout knife. But I don't mind playing benefits for the needy, but after all, Jack is not on his way to the pound, you know what I mean, don't you? Oh, Georgie, I think you'll find Jack perfectly fair. I'll be happy if I can find him. Well, how are you, Phil? Glad to see you. Hello, Georgie. Are you substituting here too? No, I'm on the program every Sunday. Hey, George, I heard you talking to Don. Are you worried whether or not Jack's going to pay you for tonight? Well, Phil, I'm not exactly worried, but I'd like to do one program where I don't have to write an apart for my lawyer. Anyway, Don, one rattle to Jack, and why is he late? Well, it seems that Jack Butler-Roch has forgot off the train at Albuquerque and Jack went out to look for it. I see. And the train pulled away without them. Oh, well, any train that would do that, I'll bet it whistles the girls at every crossing. But I guess he'll be here pretty soon, you know. He's on a very fast train right now, I'm sure. Well, Roger, sir, we're rolling right along now. Yeah, Mr. Bennett, show us a long shift. I'll say. Just think four whole days on a train. Oh, well, we'll be home pretty soon. I hope so. We're running out of sandwiches. Well, we would have been home yesterday if you hadn't gotten off at Albuquerque to look at those Indians. I thought I was back in Harlem. Harlem, I told you before, all those people at the station were Indians. Indians? Yes. Well, just the same, I thought Pat was eating a pork chop. Well, what of it? He can be an Indian and still eat a pork chop. I know, but he had it between two slices of watermelon. All right, you win. But I want to tell you something, Rochester. It's the last time I'm going to take you to New York. It's supposed to help me the only time I saw you is when you needed money. Well, you spent more than I did. That ain't no legend. Never mind that. And another thing, you lied to me. You told me you needed the money for a new suit. Now, where is it? The suit? Yes, the suit. You mean the one I had my heart set on? Yeah, where is that new suit I gave you the money for? Well, I'll tell you, boss, I was on my way to the store and got mixed up in a game of African badminton. Oh, so you lost your suit in a crab game, huh? Yes, sir. I rolled myself right out of the East of Paris. Oh, you did, huh? Well, that's a good thing we're going home. Say, Mr. Bennett, who's taking your place on a program tonight? A fellow named Georgie Gessel. He's a great pal of mine. Georgie Gessel? Yeah. You know, I've never seen him. What did he look like? Well, I'd say that Gessel was medium height, nice personality and looked something like an anteater. Although I doubt if he does. Say, is there a radio in this observation car? There's one right over there by that lady. Oh, fine. Pardon me, madam, do you mind if I tune in the radio? No, not at all. Go right ahead. Thanks. I'm very anxious to hear the Jack Benny program. You're just the type. Well, there's a fan for you. Hey, Rochester, tune in NBC. It's around 65 on the dial there. Yes, sir. So therefore, ladies and gentlemen, insist on genuine news. So therefore, ladies and gentlemen, insist on genuine jello as it is America's leading dessert. That's it, Rochester. That's Wilson, all right. And it comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. That was very good, Don. What you said was not only thrilling, but educational. Uh-oh, we got the wrong program. Quiet, Mr. Gessel. Well, Don, how am I doing so far? I'm handling the program all right. Well, he'll tell you the truth now, Georgie, and please don't repeat this to Jack. Well, I think you've given this program new life, frankly. You're much more amusing than Jack. Hey, kid, Georgie, you're dynamite. He didn't even ask Phil. Hey, uh, Georgie, you've known Jack for quite a little while, haven't you? Yes, Jack and I have been in show business about the same length of time. As a matter of fact, we started out in the very same theater. Oh, the same theater, eh? Mm-hmm, and even in those days, Jack was a real showman. He wouldn't sell one single peanut during my act. That's a lie. It was popcorn. But anyway, Don, I must admit that Jack has made marvelous strides. He won some peanuts, the jello, and six delicious years. Oh, say, Don, where's Mary? Here I am. Hello, Georgie. There's Mary. She doesn't sound natural. Well, Mary, I guess you're anxious for Jack to get back. It'll seem strange working with me. No, I like to work with you, Georgie. You want to know something? Now, don't repeat this to Jack, will you? Oh, you can trust me. Well, believe me, it gets pretty tiresome. Week after week, look at that blank face of yours. Looks like a bowl of mush. Well, Mary, after all, I'm not so much to look at myself. I've never been taken for a Moyne-Loy. Of course, she's much taller than I am. But at least you're different than Jack. You smile and laugh once in a while. Jack never laughs. Well, my teeth don't slip out. Now, Rochester, my teeth don't slip out. No, sir. You hold them in better than anybody. Get away from me, will you? I want to hear this. Hey, Mary, I'd like to ask you something, and believe me, you're the first one I've mentioned this to. What do you think Jack's going to give me for taking his place tonight? Oh, he'll take care of you. First he'll tell you how wonderful it was of you to come up here, and then he'll give you a great big pat on the back. Oh, you mean the same as I get every place else? But Mary, Jack isn't that tight. He isn't, eh? Listen, Jordy. Jack's been in New York a week, and I bet he still got California air in his pocketbook. Well, surely he'd open it up to let the Morse see Radio City, wouldn't he? He ain't no good at all. Yeah, I wish this train would get in. Come here, Jordy. You want me to tell you something? What is it? You remember that birthday party Jack gave himself about a month ago, and he invited a big crowd? Yes, I remember. What are you laughing at? Well, between the first two courses, he ran out and had all the presents appraised. And then what happened? Well, Jack man, he only broke even on the dinner. And a little traitor. That's your tan you down, boy. And to think I bought him all gifts and Mary's, I can't wear. Oh, you can fold it up and use it for silk handkerchief. Well, Mary, you've given me a vivid picture of what I'll have to go through when Jack gets here. Jordy, by the time you get your money out of Jack's, you'll be so bent over you'll have to endorse a check on the floor. Oh, well, Playfield, with my luck, not only I won't get paid, but when I leave the studio, I'll probably tear my tan. Go ahead, Phil. Hey, that music sounds like Harrah's all right. Yes, sir. Los Angeles, Los Angeles, all out. Last one off the train's an old tomato. Here we are, Rochester. Come on, grab those bags and I'll see you at the house later. I'm going to rush over to the studio. Okay, boss. I play by Phil Harrison as orchestra, and I must say, Phil, after hearing the boys, I'm surprised at the way that Jack stands up here every week and keeps running down your music. He shouldn't do that. Of course he shouldn't. My music is all right. No, it's pretty bad, but Jack shouldn't mention it. Of course I tell you, Phil, the way I feel about all the music... Now, wait a minute, Jordy, wait a minute. Here comes Kenny Baker, do you know him? Well, no, not personally. You like him, Jordy. He's a great kid. He sings great songs. Quiet, my wife thinks he is. What? My wife thinks he is, is that it? Anyway... White... Anyway, you and me... No, you and me, it's Kenny to me. I'll handle him all right. I'll bet you dollars, Jordy Nuts. All right, it's a bet, it's a bet. Here comes, here comes, Jordy. Oh, yeah. Hello, hello, Kenny. How are you? I'm fine. Oh, yeah. Hello, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack, did you have a nice trip? Nice trip, what is it? Hey, John, didn't Jack go to New York? Wait a minute, Kenny, it's Jettles. Jettles. Where's that? Well, I've lost at least 35 cents already. Now, listen, Kenny, I'm just taking Jack's place till he gets here. My name is Jettles. Oh, yes. Well, see, with, I didn't recognize you there for a minute. No, Jiminy Cricket, I thought you didn't. You know me now, don't you? Sure. Hey, didn't I see you in a picture the other day with Betty Davis? What picture? Jettlebell. Jettlebell? Look, Kenny, the name of the picture is Jettlebell. It wasn't me, I don't make pictures, and here's Yadalla Mary. Thanks. Hey, what's going on? Nothing, Kenny. I just said Mary Yadalla that you couldn't drive me nuts. Ah, gee, you're a sucker. Hope this entire event looks good for a loss to me. I'll tell you that. Well, here I am. Well, if you're, if you're good to be back, I'm certainly glad to see you, Jack. Please leave me. Me too. I really miss you, old pal. So did I, Jack. Boy, am I glad to see you. Oh, yes, of course, certainly. I'm tight, except for my teeth which flip out, and I got a face like a bowl of mud. Doesn't have to be in a bowl. Well, there was a radio on the train. I heard every word you fellow said. It was fine, loyally, talking behind my back. Well, I didn't say anything against you, Jack. I know you didn't, Kenny. I just got here. I know that, too. Well, hello, Georgie. How do you like it here? I'll low in a little while. Well, I appreciate your coming over and helping me out tonight, Georgie. It was a great display of friendship. Here comes, folks. Now, look, Jack, patting on the back. That's for children. You know that. We're very good friends, but this is my business. The same as yours. Look, nothing. You wanted me to come over here, and I didn't. I expect to get paid. Well, all right, all right, Georgie. You think I was a chiseler or a tightwad or something? Up to something, you were pretty hot. Well, I just don't want to be Rob, that's all. Rob, why, I left my own birthday party to come here, cake and all. Strangers had to blow out my own candle. Well, calm down, Georgie. Look, and I'll give you a check for whatever you think your time is worth. All right, what do you want? Well, Jack, I don't want too little or too much. In other words, I don't want a cigar or an annuity. Now, don't beat around the bush. How much do you want for this? I'll take $500. If you want to give me 10% extra for my birthday, that's up to you. Up to me? If it's up to Jack, it's back to you, Georgie. Well, all right, George. Let's not haggle about it. I'll write you out a check. Well, that's okay with me. I've got my checkbook right here. Now, let's see. April 3rd. Gee, look at his handshake. Mary. April 3rd, 19th. Now, the amount... Now, wait a minute, Jack. It's 1938, not 40. All right, so I made a mistake. I'm not in power for both. Now, just a second. Now, just a second. Pay to the order of... Say, how do you want this made out? George Gessel or Georgie Gessel? Just put down, man, $500. All right. Sounds like Gessel, all right. Here's your... Here's your check. Well, thanks, Jack. Now, it's really been a pleasure. And if you ever need me again, don't fail a call on me. Oh, I will. I will. By the way, Georgie, where can I get in touch with you? What's your phone number? Just ask for Aunt Ada, you mush face. Goodbye, everybody. Well, that's the last time I'll ever ask him to help me out with anything. See, with Jack, you don't expect Georgie to come over here and work for nothing, do you? Well, why not? He's a friend of mine. Well, would you work on his program for nothing? I'm talking to Miss Livingston. Well, would you? That's Phil's question. Think of your own. Oh, I've got one. Shut up. So, I've got one. Well, let me tell you something. Last week in New York, Fred Allen, Kate Smith, Ripley Lyman, and Von Zell all appeared on my program for nothing. No wonder you told him it was for the Red Cross. Well, it didn't make any difference. Say, Jack, tell us all about your trip to New York. Did you have any fun? Well, I'll tell you about it later. Wait till I get settled here. Kenny, are you ready for your song? I'll set, Jack. Go ahead. Wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Here I am bouncing in again. Well, for heaven's sake, who are you? The cheque you just gave Gessel. Goodbye. I can't understand that. The banks are closed today. Sing, Kenny. I'm locking the bend. Okay, sung by Kenny Baker. Right back on the job again and in the same old form. Say, Kenny, did you listen to me last Sunday when I was in New York? Well, I wanted to, Jack. I ran over to my girl's house to hear it, but her father doesn't like you. No, he doesn't, eh? And why didn't you and your girl go out in your car and listen to the program? She doesn't like you either. Well, that's great loyally. Why don't you find a girl that likes me? I did, and she was slap-happy. Gee, well, I'd like to know how the... I'd like to know how the program came over last Sunday. Did you hear it, Mary? Well, I invited a big crowd over to the house that night. You know how it is. Some wanted to dance, and some wanted to listen to you, so we took a boat. Oh, how did it come out? The big apple won by a landslide. That's fine. You were the hostess. Why didn't you put your foot down? I did. I said, this is my party. You can either listen to Jack's program or go home. Well, that's great. What else did you say? Nothing. I was alone. So I went to bed. Well, as long as you were left alone, you could have listened to me. Why all this hurry about getting to sleep? I'm having a continual dream about Clark Gable. Oh. And I didn't want to miss chapter 12. Yeah! Some excitement. Well, that's a very feeble excuse. Hey, did you hear the program, Don? Well, to tell you the truth... Well, never mind, never mind. All I can say is I'm certainly proud of my associates. Not one of you listened to me. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Don't be so hasty. I heard the program from beginning to end. It was great. Thanks, Bill. Say, how did you like that routine I did with... You're double-crosser. You didn't hear the program. I did, too. Well, how could you hear Whiteman when he wasn't there? I could have been drunk, you know. Come on. You were... You were nowhere near a radio last Sunday. I was, too. I heard every word you said. Well, you're nothing but a great big liar. You got something there. What a gang. To think that not one of you could devote a half hour to me. Come in. Well, look who's here. Well, if it ain't Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. Well, to what do I owe this double feature? Happy welcome to you. Happy welcome to you. A real greeting. Say, Andy. Andy, how come you and Schlepp came up here together tonight? Well, I'll tell you, Buck. Schlepp and I are neighbors now. While you were away, I sold him part of my ranch. Oh, you did? Well, that's a surprise to me. So you're a farmer now, eh, Schlepp? Eh, that's me. My crack is each Schlepperman. Well, Schlepp, I can't picture you behind a plow. What do you keep on your ranch? Oh, I got everything. Sheep, cows, dogs, gooseies. Gooseies? Yeah, you know, I see going chickens. And you bought the land and all the livestock from Andy, eh? Yes, sir. Buck and I gave him a square deal. Yeah, a square deal, he calls it. Three times already, he sold me the same homing pigeons. No kidding. Did you do that, Andy? Yeah. Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself selling pigeons to Schlepp to fly right back to you. I only sell them, Buck. I can't change their habits. Well, uh, tell me, Schlepp, what did he charge you for them? You mean for each pigeon? Yes. A dollar and a half a round trip. Well, that's fair enough. But I'll tell you one thing, Buck. I gave him a real bargain on a cow. Oh, he sold you a cow too, eh, Schlepp? Yeah, a fine bargain. Only one faucet works. Nick, you isn't right. But look, Andy, what's the idea of selling so much stuff to Schlepperman there? Well, I'll tell you, Buck. Pa had to have some ready catch. He's going to buy an arrow plane. Oh, your Pa wants to be an aviator. Has he ever been up in the air before? Well, just once when our goat caught him unaware. So your goat made an aviator out of him. What does your maw think of the idea, Andy? She says letting go has always been hiring a kite anyhow. Well, I wish him a lot of luck. Well, Buck, guess we'll be running along now. Just drop in to welcome you back home. Goodbye, Jackie boy. Come out to my room sometime. Thanks. I'll do that. What's the name of your place? Schlepperman's Hacienda. Suits, cloaks, and fresh eggs. Fine, I'll be there. So long, boys. Oh, say, Buck, I forgot to ask you. Did you have a nice time in New York? Oh, swell, Andy. It was great. Oh, that's good. Well, come on, Zeke. OK, partner. I'm on the range where the deer and the cantaloupe play. Well, so Schlepperman is a neighbor of Andy's now. It won't be long before Andy's talking with a dialect. Any change will be good. Yeah. Well, well, fellas, the program's nearly over. I think I'll call it a day. I'm so tired after that long train ride. Guess I'll run along home. Don't blame me, Jack. Go get some rest. That's just what I need. He'll be good to see the house again. You know, I don't care where you travel, fellas. There's nothing like home sweet home. Well, so long, fellas. Goodbye, Jack. Take a rest. Wait a minute. There's the phone. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. You coming home pretty soon? Yes, Rochester. Rochester, why? Is there anything wrong? Well, boss, I think we had visitors while we was away. Visitors? Yeah, all the dressing drawers are messed up. Well, the mice could have done that. There must have been big ones at the Grand piano's missing. The Grand piano? Why, we've had burglars. It could have been the finance company. Now, that's ridiculous. What else is missing? You know that great big picture of you that hangs in the north hall? Which one? The one where you wear an evening clothes. Yeah, yeah. What about it? Oh, well, I don't care. Everything is insured. I'll be right home, Rochester. I'm tired. I want to get some sleep. You better hurry to Canada bed out now. Well, stop them, stop them. Play field, please. They like it in Kansas. They like it in Maine. They like it in Alberta, Canada. It's jello chocolate pudding, and you like it, too. From Wichita, Kansas, Mrs. Robert Goskin's writes, I've tried nearly all the prepared puddings on the market, and they never tasted quite right. But jello chocolate pudding is perfect. Miss Vivian Hunter of Portland, Maine says, I've tried for a long time to find a prepared chocolate pudding that had a really good flavor, but each time was disappointed. Then I tried jello chocolate pudding, and I was pleased as a child at Christmas time. And up from Alberta, Canada, Mrs. Vincent Pickering writes, jello chocolate pudding makes a dessert fit for a king. And the reason everybody agrees that jello chocolate pudding is so good is because it's made from the same fine, wholesome ingredients you'd use yourself. It has a rich chocolatey homemade goodness, smooth and tempting. Yet it takes almost no time to prepare. The simple directions are in every package, along with several variations. Jello chocolate pudding is inexpensive, easy, and delicious. Order some from your grocer tomorrow. This is the last number of the 27th program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. I want to thank Georgie Jessel for helping me out this evening, and wish him good luck on his personal appearance in Detroit next week. Say, Jack. What? Did you hear Fred Allen's program Wednesday night? No, but whatever he said, I didn't do it. And the idea of accusing me of stealing everything out of the Waldorf Astoria. I thought you didn't hear him. Well, I say, if you... I mean, I could... Oh, good night, folks. Thank you. Help, help. Cheers. Here's on the jello program with courtesy of Mervin Leroy Productions. This is an actual broadcasting company.