 For the safety of your smile use pepsidon twice a day see your dentist twice a year Leverbrothers company presents the pepsidon show my friend Irma created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane And I live in New York a city that's often referred to as the melting pot of the world You will hear many strange tongues Chinese Italian French Norwegian and many others and unless you're a linguist Nothing they say makes any sense Which reminds me of my roommate Irma Peterson. She also speaks a strange tongue now Don't get me wrong. She speaks English, but nothing. She says ever makes any sense Think I'm a young a little rough on the girl Well, how would you like to be with her in a restaurant and have Irma say to the waiter? What do you mean do I want my halibut grilled? You know, you can't get a confession from a dead fish See what I mean. No wonder I rush home from work as soon as I can because when I open that door It's like opening a grab bag. I never know what's going to pop out Jane for sending the flowers to your little girl Patricia. Oh It wasn't measles. She just got mad at the electric fan and hit it with a bottle of ketchup. Hi, you chicken Hello, you look worried. What's wrong ain't been myself lately chicken. I noticed the change Notice the change in you yesterday Al when you helped me with my coat in the restaurant Well lately don't know what I'm doing chicken feel the time has come to blow this bird. What do you mean Al chicken? I'm going out west out west. Uh-huh to Nebraska Happened to have an aunt who lives on a ranch. I've never seen her Well, then why do you have to go way out there to visit her? Well, it's the right thing to do You see my aunt's getting very old and she has some money and I got a feeling she misses me That far away from me Nebraska if you all miss you too much and beside your you're liable to fall in love with one of those eskimos Chicken I said Nebraska not Alaska Nebraska is cow country. What's the difference? I don't trust you with anyone Besides if you love me you never treat me this way leaving me all alone. Ah chicken I love you, but this town has me in a rut. I ain't getting anywhere. There's so much red tape Take the unemployment office. They won't even let me use their telephone to place my bets at the racetrack And then and take my deals never have no luck with them because people in this town don't have no imagination It's the same old story. I'm years ahead of my time And the world ain't ready for me yet Oh so what l I love you enough the world isn't ready for you we can live some other place Ah them sweet sentiments chicken and I love you for it But the west calls me and in the words of Cassidy. I must hop along Depends on the reception I get from my aunt we come from a stubborn family and she may go on living indefinitely But if things go right we'll send for you and we will walk around our ranch hand in hand Oh, I know and it sounds so wonderful Al. You and I will be two ranch hands What if something goes wrong and I never hear from you again Oh them is the sacrifice his pioneer's make when they go west chicken Remember it ain't going to be easy for a guy like me who has always lived in a city I don't know nothing about roping them corrals And hitching them posts Random them wheels Well, I'm not gonna let you go Al. You can't do this to me. I'll be miserable without you That's understandable chicken And I'd like to stay here because you deserve the best But you see here. I'm like a little fish in a big pond Out there is the great open desert. I got room to swim around Let's be brave about this thing chicken. All right Al if that's the way you want me to be That's the spirit chicken. Here's to the future and what it may bring sure say love. I am at a good And now as they say out west I'll be hankering down to the pool room to say goodbye to my friends We'll see you after I pack So long pardon He has an aunt out there and he says he may live with her on a rent. Wait a minute. I don't get this How come he wants to leave new york? Well, he says there's no opportunity for him here Well, I admit we have the finest police force in the world, but He could make an honest living Well, he says you can't find any work here that appeals to him Irma, I have no patience with a man like that. Take richard as well off as he is He always finds time for some little side issue that not only affords him pleasure But often brings in extra income right now. He's experimenting with flowers He's perfected an orchid which he's entering in the flower show tonight And he's naming it in honor of his mother the hellen rineland orchid You know jane, I've never seen an orchid. Well going around with al you're lucky if you ever saw a sandwich But i'm just trying to show you what a man with ambition can do Well, do you think that's the thing for al? Well, I don't know. It's just a thought but modern horticulture is wide open to you There's this big money in it Why they've already developed a marigold with no odor and they've developed a lettuce that looks just like a flower And they've got thornless berries Oh, there are so many things in the world just waiting for men with ideas and ambition I guess so jane, I I guess it's all my fault that al hasn't gotten him gotten anywhere your fault Yes, because I read that a man is only as good as the woman behind him Now now take napolin while he was out fighting his wife ran the store so he could sell all that brandy Take that take george washington Did he open those candy stores? No, his wife martha did It's my duty to find a job for al It's only me professor krapatki Hello, jane, you know, my two little palm trees One with dates on top the other with a coconut on top Excuse me a little joke. I picked up that I should have left play there Well, I'd like to laugh professor, but I'm not in the mood. Oh, I noticed you've been crying. But what's the trouble al is going west No, this I don't think is fair out there. They already had storms and blizzards. I don't think they deserve one disaster after another You must be fooling me. I'm no professor No, it seems to be on the level and irma is heartbroken. I thought if I could find him a job Maybe he would change his mind Do you know of anything professor? Well, I can speak to my boss at the gypsy theorem There is a job open that he might give to al. Of course. It's kind of dangerous What do you mean dangerous? He would have to test the food and this I wouldn't recommend even to al Well, uh, maybe mrs. O'rally knows of something Well, if you're going to talk to mr. Riley, I would rather not be here Oh, why not? She's a little angry at me because I told her I knew a place where she could pick up a little extra money modeling Oh, what's wrong with that? I don't know but when I told her what they wanted her the model for she became a little sensitive What was it for for a buck beer? They want a picture of a goat's head I just told you that irma to cheer you up. Nothing will cheer me up professor. It's my duty to get al a job Oh irma. That's ridiculous. It's not your duty. Besides, it won't hurt anything to let him go out with Oh, you're wrong. Jane I've got to try everything in my power to keep him here Because once he gets out west you'll forget about me as he sits under the moon and listen to those howling cutie Irma those are coyotes And what's the difference competition is competition I know only one thing al is my man and I'm his woman and I think it's too nice an arrangement to break up Irma, where are you going the pool room? I want to talk to al Well, be careful sweetie. The last time you went there you were hit on the head with a cue ball Oh, that's all right. Yeah, it didn't count against al score She's a wonderful girl, isn't she jamie? Oh, they don't come any truer. Maybe smarter, but no truer The thing she got to such extremes for a guy like al It seems like the right people always attract the wrong people. Oh, how well I know it I remember when I was married to my son. Yeah, it was like being in the cleaning and dying business At night she was cleaning up my pockets and in the morning when I looked on her I felt like dying And for 20 years after that I vowed I would never become friendly with another woman What about mrs. O'Reilly? Well, you see I kept my vow no one could believe that's a woman So, jenny if I hear of a job for al I'll get in touch with you. Oh, where will you be in my room? This is nesting time and I want to make sure that the birds don't carry out any of my furniture Oh, let me see Now where are those want ads? There must be something al can do. Oh, here they are Wanted young man to work Uh, no that won't do Young man with character ambition and honesty Oh brother now. I'm really getting cold Come in Hello, jane Richard I didn't expect you. I know you didn't expect me jane, but I've just dropped by to ask a favor Well, certainly richard. What is it? They're not taking the entries for the flower show for two more hours And I'm afraid my prize orchid may wilt so I thought I might leave it in your refrigerator until later Understand well, of course richard. Is that the new green variety you were telling me about? Yes I had my gardener select this one richard does your mother know about this No, no, it's going to be a surprise. Oh what a thrill it'll be for your mother the helen rinelander orchid Thank you and richard while we're speaking about flowers. Um, how about the uh, jane stacey forget me not I'm working on that jane. All right, richard. I'll put the box with the orchid right in the refrigerator. It'll be safe there How do you know because you have fragile marked on the box? And I'm sure ermah will think that that says poison Oh Here's good news big money-saving news about the wonderful new film removing pepsidant An amazingly improved film fighting formula for brightening teeth and cleaning breath And you can get it now at a sensational introductory bargain Listen right now you can get two 25 cent tubes of new film removing pepsidant for only 33 cents Yes, two 25 cent tubes in a special twin pack Regular price 50 cents now only 33 cents you save 17 cents Yes, penny for penny ounce for ounce new pepsidant gives you more for your money than any other leading toothpaste And more in results too for no other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidant's new film removing formula It foams wonderfully goes to work faster removing film Makes your teeth brighter and your breath cleaner So act now In this day of high prices. Don't miss this amazing bargain get two 25 cent tubes of new film removing pepsidant for only 33 cents More for your money than any other leading toothpaste today Cheer up sister and you too mister pepsidant The pace for you Surma and go west personally I think if owl went west everything would come east not that I consider owl an undesirable character I'll just put it this way one look at him and cripple creek would regain its health and grab the first train Dry gulch would fall off the wagon and death valley would turn over in its grave But since urma says she'll die if he leaves there I talked to richard and he said he'll try to get owl a job And if he does get one for him, we'll still have a problem. We'll have to chloroform owl every morning to take him to work Hello, hello jane. Oh, hello, honey. What are you doing? Where are you? I'm working any luck, sweetie Honey richard said he's going to see what he can do Yes, honey, I forgot to feed the condresser Irma I've seen that package and I've got news for you blue jay is not bird seed. It's corn plasters Right Irma. Get home as soon as you can. Goodbye Hello, mrs. O'Reilly. Hi professor. Hello, janey The professor here tells me that owl is going out west. Yes, unless we get him a job Well, my brother has a Hudson agency and maybe owl would fit in there Why that sounds perfect because the Hudson is the car you step down into and there's no one any lower than owl But Irma loves him janey. How are you and richard getting along? Well, I haven't seen much of him because he's been busy You see richard has developed a new orchid and he's entering it in the flower show I have it in the refrigerator now. He's going to name it in honor of his mother the helen ryanlander orchid What a coincidence several years ago I used to go with a gardener and he named a flower after me Oh, I would love to see the mrs. O'Reilly cactus bush So, well for your information, it wasn't a cactus bush at all. It was a very interesting plant It was a cross between a snap dragon and a pussy willow He called it the mrs. O'Reilly snap pus Well, this isn't getting us anywhere. I wonder if Irma had better luck getting Al a job It's no use chicken the event of you and so many guys and none of them will meet my turn Well, Al you can't expect him to pay you if you don't work Besides jane says richard may have something for you. Ah that guy he always promises things No chicken. It's no use. Guess I might as well go ahead and buy my western outfit sombreri Lassie And maybe a pair of machatches to go with my jodsburg Be so determined to leave me if you love me. Oh chicken. Don't cry. You know, I love you It's just the boy. Can we keep on trying Al my boss mr. Clyde lives right up the street Maybe he can find something for you. Well, I'll try if you'll just promise to stop that crying What are you gonna say to him? Well, I'll just tell him you're looking for a business opportunity so we can get married and I can quit my job Oh, no chicken don't like to have you make them sacrifices from Besides we got to impress mr. Clyde with my importance so he will have confidence in me All right, Al. What should I say? Well, just say uh, uh, you have never known a man with such character And if he will be on the lookout for a good business and give us the lowdown on it We will never forget it. You got it chicken. Of course, crazy's house. Okay. Here goes the bell When he starts making offers of money, let me do the talking chicken All right. Look, miss Peterson. You make my life a nightmare during working hours I insist you allow me the evenings at home to recover Well, mr. Clyde, I thought maybe you have a job you could give my boyfriend Al Oh him Yes, you you have never seen such a lowdown character as Al And if you don't look out he'll give you the business and you'll never forget it Hold it Chicken here is a is a little confused. She's uh, she's not herself today. Personally. I thought it was a pretty good description Now if you'll excuse me my guests are waiting. Good day You see chicken this town just don't take to me Well, do me one last favor come back to the house and see if any of our friends have found anything for you Cokes me chicken. Cokes me. All right, Al. Here's a kiss There I'd like to see any of those western cattle duplicate that Chicken ain't got a note on the table. Have you discussed the agricultural possibilities with Al? If not do so Jane what's this agricultural angle chicken? Well, Jane says that people are doing wonders with new scientific planting They've grown lettuce that looks just like a flower and lots of things and all you needed some seeds and some vigorones and dirt and some imagination You're gonna have a green thumb Well at the gold ring you gave me turned my finger green. Maybe you could wear it while you're planting No chicken. I'm not a farmer. Hey, how's about getting me a sandwich, huh? All right, Al. I'll see what's in the ice box Find anything chicken. Uh, yes. There's a couple of hard-wiled eggs some tomatoes some little green onions and Oh, I wonder what's in this box with the wax paper over it Well, open it up ready. What a beautiful shade of green Almost looks like a flower. Oh, Al. You're so naive. This is probably that new lettuce Jane was telling me about Wonder how it tastes put it in the sandwich chicken. Oh that knife. I'll chop it up. No. No, you want to ruin it Just cover it with mayonnaise Place the eggs on it now, uh salt and pepper There you are Al. Thanks chicken How does it taste? Wonderful I'll bet you lettuce like this costs at least 10 cents a head Yes easily and now that I know you like it. I'll buy some and keep it in my hope chest Oh, so you're back Irma. Hello tenderfoot. Where have you been Jane? Uh, did you talk to Richard about Al's job? No, but I will he'll be here any minute. You see he left his prize green orchid in the ice box He's going to take it to the flower show Oh Glad when I'm relieved of the responsibility because it it's practically priceless. Oh, Al. You said it was only worth 10 cents a head Here Al. What's on your mind? Not on his mind Jane. It's much lower The two of you let me look in that ice box the laundry shoot. They may not pick you up for a week You do with it Irma. Oh, no, this is too ridiculous. You you didn't put it in a sandwich I thought it was that new lettuce. You say look like a flower. Oh, no, and Richard will be here any minute What can I tell him? What can I do? Well, maybe No, I don't think it would work. What? Well, I was thinking we could have Al x-rayed and enter the picture in the contest Oh Richard Why Jane what's wrong? You're crying and Al you're green What's wrong with you the same thing that's wrong with both of them Richard Al ate your prize orchid That's rich Al ate it Richard you're you're laughing aren't you angry not at all Jane? You see my gardener sent the wrong orchid. I have the prize winner here in this box And Jane I brought another one for you to wear when we go out tonight Well, let me get out of here while i'm still in my right mind and Al I haven't got a job for you, but let me remind you if you leave this state You may not be able to collect unemployment for three weeks What in that case I won't go west I'm not gonna jeopardize my annuity Let you and I go out you're wearing an orchid too even if it doesn't show Don't miss the sensational bargain introducing a wonderful new film removing pepsidon toothpaste Right now you can get two 25 cent tubes of new film removing pepsidon for only 33 cents You save 17 cents Yes two 25 cent tubes in a special twin pack regular price 50 cents only 33 cents Penny for penny ounce for ounce new pepsidon gives you more than any other leading toothpaste More and results too for no other toothpaste can duplicate new pepsidon's film removing formula It foams amazingly goes to work faster removing film Making teeth brighter and breath cleaner. Hurry. This introductory offer is limited Get two 25 cent tubes of new film removing pepsidon for only 33 cents Act today Pep pep sedent toothpaste fight film on teeth and greens breath too Pep pep sedent toothpaste gives film on teeth the old skidoo Should orchid won first prize at the show and he said that next year he'll enter another one and name it after me Of course, he couldn't marry me and and I'd have something to name after him And as far as Irma Irma has got the horticulture bug too She has a little window box and she's nursing a tenderling Irma, what are you trying to grow a flower and I'm going to name it after al The al flower. What kind of a flower is it? It's a flower that sleeps all day Except around noon. It opens its petals one hour for lunch And you know if I were luther burbank, I'd never be able to plant anything in the mind of my friend Irma Oh Ladies and gentlemen, we're very proud and pleased to present miss and daggett western editor of radio mirror magazine Who has a message for cy hoard our producer director? For the second consecutive year radio mirror magazine representing its many readers is honored to present You cy hoard with an award as creator producer director of the listener's favorite radio program my friend Irma Last year its first year on the air. My friend Irma won the favorite new comedy program award This year through your efforts and those of your wonderful cast and staff My friend Irma has upheld its high standards radio mirror magazine congratulates you and your sponsor pepzident toothpaste Thank you, miss daggett. I appreciate the award but got a problem And when you got a problem there is only one man who can help you Who's sigh who else but hello joe Got a problem got a citation No, no can't fix the cops. It's an award Want to share it with people responsible for success of show. What do you suggest? uh-huh uh-huh We'll take it from there and thank you and goodbye noble friend What'd he say sigh joe says just be modest and say thank you and accept it on behalf of marie wilson Joan banks john brown hunts conried gloria gordon and donnell wood and park levy and his wonderful writing staff A wonderful production staff last but not least our sponsor lever brothers company the maker of pepzident And hal wallis who is currently filming my friend irma and sigh He should also have told you that the current issue of radio mirror magazine Contains the bylined article by you called the blonde. I prefer we'll go out and get it immediately Good night, and thank you noble friend and thank you in the radio mirror magazine from all of us on my friend My friend Irma's produced and directed by sigh howard park levy writes his script to stand the atoms and roll in the plane And it's brought to you by pepzident to a phase with ariam another fine product of lever rudders company Marie wilson his card is ermal with joe banks's jane L was played by john brown hunts conried with professor fottkin and gloria gordon's viz. O'reilly music was under the direction of blood blood skin Tune in one hour earlier next week and listen to the lux radio theater followed by the pepzident show My friend irma both brought to you by lever brothers company wendell niles speaking the cbs the columbia broadcast