 Hey friends, Dan Stephanie Burke. You're watching behind the scenes to find it to misurator. We're back With dr. Ian Murphy the road to self-awareness the therapy book for Christians Pretty excited about this book. We don't always do two shows, but worked out. We're getting to do that today with dr. Murphy so Hang in there. We'll get we'll get rolling in just a second here and Continue our conversation if you miss part one you can find it of course On spiritual direction comms YouTube page eventually these will be all up at spiritual direction comm website And on eWT and radio you already mm-hmm, okay? On your market set go Welcome to divine intimacy radio. This is Dan and Stephanie Burke And you are listening to your radio haven of rest your hermitage of the heart your monastery of the mine Where we lift our hearts and minds to heaven to draw upon the wisdom of the saints To help us to navigate navigate to help us to navigate this tumult of life And today we have back with us dr. Ian Murphy To talk about his excellent book and the perspective he offers in the road to self-awareness Which if you didn't know I mean we have a lot of listeners who are very you know interested in discussion about the interior life and growing and wholeness and holiness and Self-awareness what I like to call Godward self-awareness, which is not just self-awareness for its sake, but it's a self-awareness wherein we Recognize who we are in the context of God and the context of his love and his redemption is planned for us and all of that But it's a self-awareness that leads to a Healthy reality of recognition Not a one that condemns but one that redeems and I think that dr. Murray has captured this concept really well in the road to self-awareness Welcome back and dr. Murphy to Divinity some see radio and thank you again for having me on the show I'm delighted to get to do a second segment with you. This is great Just I appreciate you and everything you do. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Awesome. So we're ready. Yeah I know you had a question we left I do I do so we talked about some of the Ill that's going on in therapy and self-help books and all of that So how does your therapy book for Christians take us past these incomplete sandbites and cheap gimmicks and just this soulless and Godless approach to healing Into the real healing that is deep and lasting Yeah, great question What's left out of the self-help industry? You know that is again incomplete at best harmful at worst in a word is God They've left God out. It's they've literally left the Counselor the Holy Spirit the counselor out of counseling and so of course it's going to be incomplete or warped What makes? The road to self-awareness a therapy book for Christians different and not a self-help book You know, it's it's a God helps book, you know, I found I was Radically incapable of Saving myself, you know in a sense the self-help industry is committing the Pelagian error of Self sufficiency, you know this lie that people Can save themselves. No we can I mean in my weight loss journey I encountered my weakness for all things peanut butter and my propensity to fall on my face repeatedly You know, it was only in Christ that I could heal apart from my maker I could do nothing apart from Jesus Christ. I could do nothing so what makes my book different is it it puts God back into it and as soon as you put God back into it this whole world opens up Because you know one of one of the tendencies of the self-help industry because of what it leaves out is it reduces therapy to problem-solving and it reduces the person to a problem to be solved, right? But I'm not a problem to be solved I am irreplaceably precious to the one who made me and is pursuing me and Would say that to anybody listening you are irreplaceably precious to me my child. I am after you. I am pursuing you I await you and when we know we are loved and That we're not a problem to be fixed where God's beloved Then we get the grace that heals we get the power of the sacraments We get the accompaniment of the counselor. We get the power of prayer It just it opens up a whole world of transformation Absolutely, you know, especially this understanding that we're loved, you know, I like to use The phrase that you are not your sin You are not your sin It's just a manifestation of your woundedness or your brokenness and it's an invitation to healing and I think people just don't hear that, you know Even if you talk about the scripture verse of you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood if you take that out of context to a loving receptive surrender Abandonment to God's love for you and an understanding that he desires To pour his mercy and his love out upon you and to bring you to healing You can fall into the problem of oh, I just I just got to fight her I got to be I just got to be more militaristic. I just need to deny myself more But we need the love of God because otherwise we're getting nowhere Whether it's pride or whether it's gluttony Whether it's anger or whether it's slow, you know, whatever it is We're getting nowhere without the love of God because it's only through the understanding that he loves us That we can even come to healing Amen, you know, we picture our fight against sin You know with like the imagery of Rocky, you know, we're going against this foe and and we're taking some shots But we're leveraging even harder shots and we're sweating it out and trying to deliver that knockout punch You know the fight against sin and vicious habits in our lives is Ironically more passive than active. It's a letting go. It's a trust fall You know, it's a letting go and letting God it is Moses who can't hold his arms up anymore and needs Aaron and her to hold them up for him It's the person who is addicted to a bad website and so they just cut the internet connection in their house It's about not keeping cookie dough in the fridge in the first place You know, God doesn't want it to be grueling for us to heal. It's about avoiding the occasion Of sin it's it's a letting go. It's it's ironically passive. We just again that lie of self-sufficiency even creeps in To our growth and holiness and we think we're the ones doing it. No, we're the ones Acquiescing to God's will we are the ones giving total abandonment to his happy plans to prosper us You know, what's beautiful about that doctor is that I you know, that's a fearful place to be Yes, you know, I've I've talked about the vulnerability That the Lord asks us to enter into is a radical vulnerability It's much more vulnerable than any of us are comfortable with And I remember hearing a family member one time we were trying to help them get to that place of accepting God's path for them and you know Leaning into the Lord and the healing and the love That um that the god the father has for them And this family member said but I'm afraid that I won't like who I become And that that honesty of I don't know who I'm going to be without this brokenness I don't know who I'm going to be without this sin Because it our sin almost becomes like a security blanket You know, I I don't know your thoughts on that Yeah, it's that I I want to be in control I I think that is a true insight and I and I admire and I'm inspired by that self-awareness From the the testimony you're referring to that ability to say Honestly and vulnerably I want Some control it's like we all have this the stop sign That we hold up to God when he wants to take more territory and we say, okay, that's far enough Stop I I'm keeping some of this for me. I need some control. I need some familiarity You know, I I need a security but I need what's familiar what I know I at the unknown scary just stop. Let me keep some of what I know Yeah, and and he and and he's ever inviting us just pull it back some more Pull that stop sign back just another inch. Just give me another inch. Just give you won't regret it Give me another piece of your heart and then for us to one day just say, you know what? I don't need this And drop that stop sign all together and say I'm all in take it all Yeah, that's freedom. But that that is scary and and and it means I'm not in control It's a total trust fall. This is Danny Stephanie Burke with divine intimacy radio. We're talking to Dr. Ian Murphy about the road to self-awareness Really how to get free Of things that seem that bind so many of us and I think nobody There's no exception Everybody struggles with sin. I think this book can be a great help to you. You can find it at e2btn's religious catalog Doctor, I think I want to know I mean in the book You you talk about a breakthrough that you had. I mean, of course, we've talked about the button prayer I think of Stephanie's comment and your discussion about coming to know the love of god. It reminds me of the second A book of the scent of mount carmel. We're saying john john lacrosse says Do you want to get to heaven quickly? Do you want to get to sanctity quickly? He didn't say Knuckled most people would say well, what what do you think he said? Well, they would say, oh, he would just say Knuckle down do your discipline, you know, do you know that they would think john's but he didn't say that at all He said get to know jesus emulate jesus And then a few pages later He says then you will come to love jesus because you know how much you're loved And then you will have the strength To follow him How does that relate to the discovery you made in your own process of healing? Wow, what an amazing insight Yeah, it's uh, you reminded me of something pope benedict the 16th said is that It's only when we know we're loved It's only when we know we're loved that we Have that god-given need for security and significance Satisfied that as he words it that's when we know it is good that I exist But then he adds that all human love is fragile Because all humans have sin and are broken and don't love perfectly yet It's only when we are assured that god loves us You know because the human love is fragile when we're assured of god's perfect love for when we know we are delighted in When we know we are irreplaceably precious to him That is when we know in our bones. It is good that I exist And that is the source of every that is the source of our strength to follow him You know my initial journey was one failed weight loss attempt after the next Because I was trying to knuckle down and fight harder and do it on my own strength It was just one failed diet after the next one failed exercise dvd after the next I had To do just what you described. I had to fall in love with jesus and let him love me you know just be Let him see me as I am you know the prayer of every true believer of from king david search me know me See if there's anything unclean in me You search me and know me in other words. I've heard it put be spiritually naked Before god let him see you just as you are And know that you are loved You know that is when we have the strength to follow And surrender and as I found out my healing journey falling down isn't the issue staying down is Right. Absolutely. Absolutely when we get back from the break we'll continue our conversation with dr Ian murphy the road to self-awareness the therapy book for christians highly recommended No doubt it will help you break through barriers by god's mercy and grace in and through god's mercy and grace and love That have been a your nemesis for a long time the lord wants you to be free And dr murphy is a good insight on how that all works. We'll be right back Um Okay, so I think What I want to do when we come back from the break is talk about the structure of the book So we'll have you describe the structure of the book um And uh, so we did this I want to do this And we we already did that we did that one. Yeah, okay Okay, uh, but we can do those others. Okay. All right and uh That sounds good for folks, uh on the live stream real quickly Divine intimacy and marriage retreat november 3rd to the 5th shrine of the most blessed sacrament. This is 2023 Enhanceville, alabama spiritualdirection.com forward slash events A marriage retreat that your husband will not be angry that you took him there It might be angry that you on the way there and in the seat before it starts, but I guarantee you And by the way, your wife too. I mean, we've had both husbands and wives, you know In in quotes dragged their spouses there We had one in the last event Who said that uh, she came and told us that I was going to leave my husband And after and once the event was over she said one first I want you to know I didn't know how beautiful and wonderful Catholics could be because she experienced the love of the the good people around her She was kind of weak in the faith and then she said and I've decided I'm not going to leave my husband Another woman Who had exited the marital room the the master bedroom was sleeping on the couch said I'm going back to you know to be with my husband just Over and over we hear these things interesting. I don't know why two women came to mind, but yeah Well, and then we had one One husband who did not want to be there At the end that was a fat emphatically on his feet Arms outstretched talking about how this was absolutely transformative. He was on fire. He's still on fire Yeah, he's a man. He's a man. He's a man's man. He thinks every man needs to come to this retreat. So It you know, no matter where you are on the journey, whether you're just starting out Whether you're seasoned whether you everything's roses or everything's thorns This retreats for you. You're going to find beauty and goodness and tools to help you grow Towards oneness that is sent to oneness towards one another and the lord And so we hope that you will consider making this an early christmas gift for your spouse Either for the november Um Retreat or we also have one coming up in february the next 2024. Yeah, so check those out at spiritual direct I have a money back guarantee. Can I do that? Sure, I guarantee you That if you've been to 25 retreats before You will have never been to one like this. Oh, that is true. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, good All right, let's jump back in any markets that go welcome back You're listening to divine intimacy radio. This is dan and stephanie burke So grateful to ewtn for allowing us to do this important work and for all the great work they do For the church and uh today our guest Is a second time guest you can find part one of the show Out on spiritualdirection.com Also on our youtube page The it's dr. Ian murphy the road to self-awareness a therapy book for christians I'm loving everything about this interview. Yeah, I know me too like like this is a brother in christ Oh, you like the guest. I like the guest. I like I think I like everything about this This is awesome. This is great material. Yeah, me too. Okay, so with that dr murphy What I want to know is um Could you briefly describe the structure of your book And how your own story of healing gets woven in because I think it's a really powerful part of your book I'd be happy to and the feeling is mutual by the way Thank you for your thoughtful words. It's uh I feel like I I'm getting the the blessing here today. So thanks again for having me. Yeah, the structure of the book I it's set up, you know, very accessible very readable specifically Every chapter opens with the next episode In my broken and sometimes hilarious weight loss journey You know, you'll you'll hear about the failed diets. You'll hear about me Coming to hate my emotions and starving myself the starvation diet the no seafood diet And not seafood as in fish but foods that start with sea Carbs candy cake carrot cake cotton candy doubly off limits I mean with the exceptions of like celery and and and carrots and and some obvious things Cheese and crackers and I mean cow so many things that start with sea I just I fired and starved myself and and of course that backfired too because I was treating myself like a problem to be fixed and not grounding everything in The three persons of the trinity and me as the human person maiden loves image You know, so you'll you'll hear in every chapter of the next episode in my broken and funny Battle against weight loss then the next section Draws the healing concepts from that episode of my journey to light and say, you know, here are the healing concepts that that part of my story Illuminates and exhibits and then the last part of most chapters is called Applying the concepts across the board where we show how those healing concepts, you know They're not limited to gluttony or weight loss. They apply to well Miss spent energy addiction Toxic relationships. I mean whatever it is that has you stuck This book the road to self-awareness a therapy book for christians is a step-by-step accompaniment Out of whatever you're stuck in but not just out of the vice but Into the flourishing life god has planned for you beautifully said um, I I do think that you know, if you're somebody out there Uh, well, let me back up In my own I used to be a business strategy consultant. My first book was a secular business strategy book And one of the things I discovered with these I used to go in and rescue large-scale software failures And what was fascinating about the failures every one of them had people of goodwill Who are very intelligent and very capable yet the projects were failing And what I discovered was what I called a rule of three and that is if you've tried to solve a major problem in your life That you that you and and you and you've tried with great energy And you failed three times That means and this applies to corporations and religious orders and You know parishes and that means that you do not have within yourself What you need To succeed you do not have what you need to be healed And so I strongly recommend if you're one of those people and you think yeah, I've tried the weight loss thing Like 73 times or I've tried to get over porn 83, you know 89 times or whatever You know, whatever the issue is that just keeps plaguing you that you keep having to take back to confession And you're ashamed because you have to keep going back You don't have what you need You're doing well by going to confession and being catholic and for taking the sacraments But so I strongly recommend you pick up the road to self-awareness a therapy book for christians To begin to gain a kind of different look at all of this And how it is that that you can overcome that god has given you what you need To overcome and will give you what you need to overcome whatever hinders you in union with him But what I want to ask you is is What is the biggest surprise? that you encountered on the way to Sustainable healing like what What what what caught you off guard? Yeah, great question For me it it's easy to identify that the biggest surprise I wasn't ready for this and it did totally catch me off guard was that healing Was not a matter of me trying to feel my way Into a new way of doing something Yeah, that's where I kept hitting brick wall after brick wall is I wanted to Feel like it. I wanted to feel like exercising feel like eating healthier feel like lower in my portions And and we fall into this trap we wait until we feel like it then we never feel like it So we don't ever do it You know, it's interesting the part of our brain that dreams and has aspirations Is a different area than the part that chooses Those have been fractured And they can come back together They can come back together and we can come to get some emotional support in doing the right thing We can actually come to feel like doing the right thing But it starts with action. It doesn't start with feeling like it So again, instead of trying to feel my way into a new way of doing something I had to do my way Into a new way of feeling something Repeat that Instead of feeling my way into a new way of doing something I had to do my way Into a new way of feeling something. This was my big surprise as an example I had to get on the treadmill When I didn't feel like it on a prayer with gods, you know My flesh is weak, but your grace is sufficient for me in my weakness. Your strength is perfect Go on the strength of a prayer alone. I didn't feel like it and it was hard And I'm dragging 300 plus pounds of eon up the mountain and I'm sweating and the weights in the gym smell bad And I said to myself is getting on the treadmill always going to be this miserable And the answer was well, no getting on the treadmill is only going to be that miserable about 27 more times Because the 28th time I get on the treadmill on a prayer And take that baby step one one baby step at a time The habit switch is going to flip. This is what st. Aquinas explains about virtue is that through repetition It internalizes as a new tendency a new habit a new disposition all of the sudden I I feel like getting on the treadmill. I look forward to the toxin cleanse of the exercise It's like what's happening to me the virtue is internalizing as a new tendency a new second nature routine And if we stay with that virtuous habit it ends up molding a virtuous character Yeah, beautiful and you know what strikes me about it a different way to say what you said that that I use is that the lord won't save you without you The lord won't save you without you so as we make that first choice to lean in towards him Invulnerability and say I can't do this But I'm going to choose to do it and I'm going to step out on faith, you know today Whether it's you know throwing a wet throwing out the jar of peanut butter or You know, whatever it is, right or or whether it's choosing to choose prudence instead of You know saying things that I'm going to regret later whatever it is, right? That in choosing to do that the lord meets us in that and then his His yoke does become easy and his burden does become light Because he ratifies that choice and strengthens us in it And I think we so often need to pray for the strength Make the choice pray for the strength and keep going And the lord is going to meet you in that and then like you said you wake up those days and go Oh Something's changed Something's changed and now it's it it's resonating. It's animated in me It's it's starting to bear good fruit and take on the life of its own Um, and then it just it just goes from there, right? It's only ever just one more baby step, you know, I didn't lose a hundred pounds by losing a hundred pounds I lost a hundred pounds by losing one pound A hundred times which is different. It's always just one more baby step Yeah, absolutely We're talking with dr. Ian murphy is great book the road to self-awareness of therapy book for christians Strongly recommend it if you want to learn more about him go to D r i a n m u r p h y dot com. That's dr. Ian murphy Dot com his book is published by sophia and stupress. I just have to say to you Our listeners. Um, I know the president of sophia very well. I know a lot of their employees Uh, they they are an exemplary organization Everyone there is there because they believe in advancing the kingdom of god And they want to publish books that help to do that And they're doing an extraordinary job. And there's other great publishers. Your first book was published by ignatious press Uh, you know, another one is tan out there, but uh, so fiat like to become more known because I think that They they deserve to be uh on the on the top of your list when folks are looking for Something you need. I need a book on something. Who should I go to that I can trust? You can't necessarily trust the uh, the impromoters anymore. Uh, not all the time. You can't really trust all the time Um, you know a lot of things going on in the church these days But you can trust people who are dead deeply committed to the magisterium. So as we exit I know Stephanie has a final question. We just have about a minute. So for those that are struggling Um, dr. Murphy, what are your final words of encouragement that you'd like to leave with them? Oh, thank you for the chance to say that anyone watching any to this live Uh Feed and anyone listening to this radio show. I want you to hear this you are not a problem to be fixed You are not an addiction. You are not a bad spouse. You're not a bad parent. You're not a bad person You are not a problem You have a problem, but that's infinitely different from being one So just allow your maker to see you as you are Love you as you are and take a moment to think about the awesome fact that you are Irreplaceably precious to the lord. He loves you. He's pursuing you. He's after you He awaits you He takes delight in you Amen, that's beautiful. Okay Until next time may the god of peace make you perfect in holiness May he preserve you whole and entire Spirit soul and body irreproachable at the coming of our lord. Jesus christ. Amen Amen