 When I think about this idea of What it means to be alive what it means to this this quest to have a meaningful life It seems like one of the big parts of that is the idea of Feeling alive the idea that Before my life ends. I would like to have a strong feeling of aliveness. I want to feel that I was Really Seizing this opportunity and I've I felt this for for many years Although the details of it are so unclear But the idea of you know, what do I want with my life? I want to feel that I lived a full life. I want to Have the experiences that are I Want to have a strong sense of this experience of how we can live now And I I want to Be on my deathbed with the feeling of I lived Life to the best that I could Now of course all the details of that where are the details, you know The details of that are so unclear but certainly I knew when I was spending So much of my time in Empty escapism. I could sense that This is not The best use of my life And I know this is a very common feeling It's a very uncomfortable feeling Can come from people in escapism It can come from people who are just working seemingly just running on the hamster treadmill Just putting all their time and energy into this working without a sense of meaning This this is really at the core of what I'm trying to do here What I'm trying to figure out for myself and also something that I hope will be useful for others because I know so many people Have this feeling that I am not fully Alive I'm not fully living my life in a In a in in the fullest deepest way that I can and one of the things that motivates me is the feeling that I might Wake up one day Maybe I'm dying and then I look back on my life and I think well Oh, I should have done all these other things and I should have really made the use better use of my time That feeling of regret is very powerful and already I Have had that in the past few years and that's part of what has motivated me to make changes in my life and Be sure that I'm living my life In a deep way in a better way So what are the details of what it means to live with aliveness this terribly vague term? I Don't have a complete answer The answer that I've been starting with is this idea of meaning the idea So that's one big component of it for sure the idea of meaning the idea that I'm living for something I am working for something that I believe in something that is beyond simply me simply My own Concern it's something that connects me with something larger and therefore My life is part of something bigger I see how I'm connected to something bigger and that gives me a sense of meaning Which gives great satisfaction to my life and then that as my life is ending I can Still look with satisfaction and say I was part of this thing and this thing that continues and So I feel like I feel the satisfaction in my life so that's that's a big That's a big piece that may be the biggest piece and I've I've been thinking of another piece of it, which is more of the sensual Direct sensation feeling side of it and that's simply the idea of feeling alive the idea that I Feel this intense feeling of being alive and that itself is Is a powerful and clearly important part of living a life of meaning so there's this There are these different ingredients different components in balance there's this sort of the There's the disciplined side that I am controlling Myself and controlling my life and dedicating my energies towards a higher cause and Then there is the side the sensual side the side of feeling aliveness Where this is where I think of You know really celebrating the senses and really appreciating This consciousness that we have and that's through all the arts and the joys of life through Appreciating art and music Appealing to our senses and of course through the pleasures of eating and the pleasures of comforts the the touch and all of the senses and really feeling those sensations in a very intense way and This in some sense, it's it's a lot easier than the whole disciplined monastic side of asceticism and self-restraint and control because this is the celebration and sort of like the party side of it and yet It's almost like this is its own aspect of discipline and and control because Of course everything in our culture Presents to us opportunities for simple pleasure and gratification But if we really look at most of it, it's really pretty shallow. I mean if you have, you know, the pleasures of Food, you know, we get sort of these this fast food Kind of sort of a shallow Presentation that gives us that hit of the pleasure with the sugar fat salt and the flavors But it's sort of this kind of shallow empty version and of course you see it with the pleasures of love and sex and The sensuality delivered to us Through pornography in a very shallow Presentation where it is like the fast food of sensual pleasure and We see this we are presented with so many opportunities to have This hunger for Aliveness presented to us in this sort of a shallow and cheap way The that sort of fills our bellies with empty calories and The metaphor of filling up on emptiness filling up on empty calories is really applies to to all the senses and That's where the the discipline and control comes in that we we choose what we let in we choose What We will feed ourselves with With all in all our senses We can choose We can cultivate for ourselves we can reach out and find the best that we can in the world and Find that depth of feeling the searching for Fine Sensual experience How do we how do we find the best and and not simply be distracted by By the shallow offerings around us I think partly it's it's a sensitivity to those feelings themselves and really being open to the subtleties of All the senses just like being a gourmet a gourmet Having gourmet taste and that doesn't mean it has to be all like fancy elevated stuff I mean simple rustic homemade dinner can be the most wonderful thing So the word gourmet sounds like you know, it's gonna be all foie gras and like all this like aristocratic food, but you know a simple a Simple you know, it's a simple mashed potatoes country style mashed potatoes. I mean they can be the greatest thing and It doesn't need to be any particular tradition or any kind of sense of elevation but simply appreciating the details the subtleties and the details of Whatever we are consuming and that's with food and with art and with all forms of sensuality and I think one of the biggest aspects of it is that we One of the big parts of this sensuality is that we are Receiving input through our senses we are not living in our heads because so much of our of our lives is lived in our heads in this sort of abstract rarified realm and Then we need this kind of hit of like, you know, this blunt hit of like You know of this sort of junk food hit to sort of cut through that wall To bridge the gap Because we're not so well attuned to our senses that we need that kind of extreme hit To be able to that I get through but if we simply let ourselves Experience the life of being in this body That is the essence of sensuality simply being open to receive input from the senses and simply Appreciate the details and the nuances and the subtleties of everything that comes through our five Senses or however many number you want to divide them up Appreciating those little details That seems to me to be one of the keys to living that full and deep life