 My name is Mark Shklav, and I am the host of Think Tech Hawaii's Law Across the Sea program. There are some things that laws cannot control, but perhaps parents can. This is especially true in the digital age. My guest today is Lauren Pair. In today's special program, Lauren will share the counter-intuitive practice that Silicon Valley executives use to give their own children an edge in today's overwhelming and constant technological environment. This is kind of a secret that these Silicon Valley executives have. Lauren is passionate about passing this secret on to others and helping families navigate the uncharted waters of raising confident, capable, and resilient children in the digital age. Lauren, welcome. Good to see you. Thanks for having me, Mark. It's great to be here. Well, you have some good points that I never knew about, and first of all, though, tell me a little bit about yourself. What's your background, your education, where you grew up, professional background? Yeah. Please. So I was born and raised here in Oahu. I went to Punahou School and then went on to the University of Pennsylvania, where I studied economics. I started my career in finance in New York City. I worked as a researcher for the New York Federal Reserve, multi-strategy hedge fund, and Goldman Sachs. But several years ago, I left Wall Street. I'm from a fifth generation from a missionary family, and I love Hawaii, and I decided to return home. And since leaving Wall Street, a common thread on the projects I've been working on is that they involve education, workforce development, and public policy, responding to changes that came about due to the digital age that we're all living through now. So you were on Wall Street, and I know you had a successful career. You were doing financial things. What really made you change? What brought you back? I mean, I hear what you say about the love of Hawaii, but you were making money in New York in the Big Apple. Yeah. Well, my last job in finance was working for a hedge fund, and the work was lucrative and interesting. But I wasn't satisfied. I wanted to make a bigger contribution to society and also to Hawaii. Okay. All right. Now, so what are you doing now? What's your present focus? Where are you hoping to go? Well, my last couple of years, I've been really interested in how screens, which means smartphones, tablets, TVs, computers, all of it together, how it's affecting child development and child well-being, and ultimately their success as adults. And so coming up with new creative solutions and getting government schools and parents all involved in this process. Okay. So screens, I guess you're talking about these things that we have here on the table. Indeed. And all different types of screens. So you left New York, you left a good profession, okay? And you came back to do something else and where are you now? I mean, what got you interested in the screens? I mean, what prompted you to get into that area? Well, I would say it was really the convergence of these two different projects I was working on. The first was working for a World Summit on technological unemployment. Technological unemployment is when jobs are displaced by technology through either automation or robotics. Okay, now let's say that again for me because I want to make sure I understand. Technological unemployment is when jobs are displaced by automation or robotics. Okay. All right. So I was working on a summit that we had in the fall of 2015 in New York. It was the first high-level gathering of high-level policy makers, academics, and thought leaders to talk about this issue. And we had some really great speakers like Robert Reich, Larry Summers, and Joseph Stiglitz. And so in addition to being the director of research, I led our education panel, which was called Educating for the Transition. And so I was sort of thinking about, well, how do we create kids that are resilient against technological unemployment? And what I came up with was this idea of focusing on human competitive advantages, things we do better than computers and look poised to continue to. Right. So these are things like deep thinking, interpersonal skills, create a problem solving. And what was a little concerning was what I was reading was that employers were complaining that these skills had actually been declining. And so I started thinking maybe all this time we're spending with machines and devices, maybe that's making us more machine-like and sort of stunting these human competitive advantages. Not having the creativity that we had before we had, before we had... Before we had iPads. Please. The iPad. Yeah. And so these thoughts came to you while you were doing this project in New York. Right. Which sounds pretty substantial. Yeah. Yeah, that was one way. And the other, I started a company called College Consciously around that same time, which was focused on giving college students career and college navigation counseling. And so I was talking with a lot of kids. And I noticed that they seemed more stressed and on edge than my peers had been just a decade prior, roughly. And I also noticed when talking to them I was very interested in how they wanted to grow during their time in college. And something that came up repeatedly was they said they wanted to be more grounded. And this also, I don't think that my peers would have said that. So it was these two kind of, one was this intellectual pursuit on how we prepare students for the digital age. And the other was more in-person connection with college students and sort of getting a pulse for their emotional state and stress levels. So really you've always kind of had this passion for kids, for students and helping them learn. And now you discovered from employers in one sense and from the students themselves that despite having all the advantages of technology, something seemed to be missing. And that's what kind of got you thinking. Is that it? Absolutely. Always had an interest in students. And I've also long been interested in sort of the interface between technology, economy and society. Okay. All right. And then you came back here and so you were an entrepreneur, you started a company that you thought would help kids. And then you discovered something, right? And let's talk a little bit about the real theme of the program. And that's the counter-intuitive secret that Silicon Valley elites use to help their own children thrive in the digital age. That's a long title, so that's why I read it. But that intrigued me. What is that? What is that? So, you know, as I mentioned, I sort of got interested in this topic and started doing some research because I'm a natural researcher. And I expected screens to impact, you know, maybe attention and sleep and things like that. But when I started doing the research, I found that it really affects so much more than that. When you study child development, you realize how interconnected the systems are and how many unintended consequences there can be when you introduce a new variable into the environment or, you know, take something away. And things like kids vestibular systems, which is like our balance systems, are less developed these days because they're spending so much time like this and not moving around. Was one of these things in front of them? Exactly. Versus, like, moving around. And who knew, right, that underdeveloped vestibular system, that has implications for your reading ability and your emotional control and even your ability to pay attention. And just walking. I mean, in a way. Well, that too. That too, right? Yeah. But it has all these unintended consequences. And at first, honestly, I started, like, doubting myself because I was seeing all of these ways that children were being affected, but this was two or three years ago and it wasn't in the media very much. So I was like, if it's having such a profound effect on kids, why aren't we talking about it? Am I creating, like, an echo chamber, you know, like a biased research bubble? And what really gave me confidence that I was onto something and that this was a big deal was this article I read by a journalist, Nick Bilton. And he interviewed Steve Jobs. And apparently he'd stepped on Jobs' toes before. And Steve Jobs is a titan. He surely is. Yeah. Okay. And so he'd stepped on Steve Jobs' toes before and so he was asking him a softball question to butter him up, right? And he said, your kids must love using the iPad. And Steve Jobs said, no, they've never used it. We have tech limitations in our household. And that's an understatement. He had a teenage son. Never used it. That's pretty strict restrictions, yeah. And so that's what Nick Bilton said. He was surprised, but then he realized, you know, he talked to other of these high-level executives on Silicon Valley, what I call the Silicon Valley elite, and thought leaders there. And this was actually a common practice. Steve Jobs was not the exception. He was the rule. And so that's when I knew that all of these effects that I had been seeing, they were real. And I think that that's why the Silicon Valley elite were quietly shielding their kids from the impact of excessive tech exposure. Wow. That is, I mean, that's all, that's shocking. Yeah. In a way. Isn't it? Yeah. No. You can't use this. Right. And what was, was there an explanation that Steve Jobs provided? He just said no. I don't think in that interview there was. You know, he talked to Chris Anderson later, who was the first editor of Wired, and he talked about how he had seen friends that have fallen into it, right? Because these are also people that have been in the industry. They've seen the effects before the rest of us, and they have a better sense of how it affects the economy and society and individuals. So Steve Jobs saw what you saw. Yes. So did Bill Gates, by the way. OK. And did Bill Gates have the same rule for his kids? He had strict rules on his kids' tech time as well. OK. And they saw the same thing about employers. Well, these kids are not quite the same they were. They're not a creative, perhaps. They're not as together. Human. Human. OK, there you go. And then you saw, on your own, the kids were a little distracted. And what I want to ask, when they were talking to you, were they going like this all the time? Not constantly, but they did talk, I mean, they talked about that being an issue. You know, that's something they were somewhat cognizant of. So then you saw the secret. Right. You put it all together. Yeah. You put two into a game. Where did you go from there? Well, you know, I saw the secret and a lot of people wonder, you know, why exactly are they doing it? You know, more specific. What motivates them? Right. What are the benefits? And so I think, like, all parents, they want what's best for their children, right? They want children that are happy and healthy and successful. And so I think that they do this because they believe it confers benefits for their children. And I'll go over three of them today. The first is that it gives their kids a valuable edge in the digital economy, which is something that we already started talking about. But I think this is the point I'll spend the most time on in Wannahammer home, because it's really counterintuitive to a lot of parents. A lot of parents think that to thrive in the digital age, their kids need to be on tech early, not have too many restrictions so that they're comfortable in the digital world. But what these tech executives are seeing is that as children are developing and especially in early childhood, like the first 10 years, it's far more important to hone those human competitive advantages and build those foundations. And that actually too much exposure to tech early stunts the development of it. That's very interesting, because I know young parents who are saying, I want to get my kid knowledgeable as soon as possible, and the little children are on their machines or on their technological toys. It's the number one pushback I get from parents, right? It's like, but they're going to live in a digital world, don't they need to know this stuff? And they do this. But the motivation behind the think tech, I mean behind the technology giants is that we want our children to have a little bit of humanity. Humanity and those are also valuable skills again. These are what employers want. And so things like deep thinking are undermined by the constant distractions that tech bombards kids with and adults for that matter. Empathy, you know, they've done research where they take just screens away from kids for five days and they score significantly better on reading nonverbal cues than they do prior to their break. And things like problem solving, things that I learned studying child development. A lot of the foundations for that are from unstructured play. And as screen time has gone up, free play has gone down. And you know something else, like I know a lot of people that are probably thinking, well, I can't argue that empathy and problem solving are good, like clearly they are. But what about these tech skills that are so in demand, like coding? And I think that's a great question. Well, let's wait and answer that question after our break. Okay? Sounds good. And also, I do want to also hear more about these tech billionaires. And I may ask you why they keep it a secret, okay? So we'll take a short break right now and come back and talk some more. And Aloha. My name is Calvin Griffin, a host of Hawaii in Uniform. And every Friday at 11 o'clock here on Think Tech Hawaii, we bring you the latest in what's happening within the military community. And we also invite all your response to things that's happening here. For those of you who haven't seen the program before, again, we invite your participation. We're here to give information, not disinformation. And we always enjoy response from the public. But join us here, Hawaii in Uniform, Fridays, 11 a.m. here on Think Tech Hawaii. Aloha. Hi. I'm Bill Sharp, host of Asian Review here on Think Tech Hawaii. Join me every Monday afternoon from 5 to 5.30, Hawaii Standard Time for an insightful discussion of contemporary Asian affairs. There's so much to discuss. And the guests that we have are very, very well informed. We have the upcoming negotiation between President Trump and Kim Jong-un. The possibility of Xi Jinping, the leader of China, remaining in power forever. We'll see you then. We are back with Lauren Pair talking about the secrets that the tech billionaires have and are really the secret that they have and that they use to help their children be successful in the digital age. We left off, Lauren, you were talking about some of the benefits and motivations, so please continue. Yeah. So, you know, we were talking about how having all this exposure to tech undermines these human competitive advantages. And then that, you know, a response that's frequently, you know, would be given by parents is, well, what about coding? These are really important skills. And so, no doubt, that's true. But what I would argue is if you look under the tech veneer of something like coding, what you see down there is, or what really makes a good coder, is these human competitive advantages that I was mentioning earlier. Things like deep thinking and creative problem solving and grit. And if you actually Google what it takes to make a good coder, you'll find that. What you won't find is people saying you need to be on hours a day, every day starting at, you know, age six or seven or eight. And that's because, you know, coders, they get a problem, they have to sit down with it, think of different ways to solve it, think forward to see obstacles that are going to come up, pick a solution, and build. And the reason patience and grit is so important with coding is for anyone, anyone who has coded, it's very persnickety and precise. So if you put a semicolon instead of a colon, that can break your whole code. And then you have to go through and figure out where that little mistake was. It's called debugging. So if you don't have patience and an attention span, you're not going to be a good coder. And there's actually one other thing that I think coding can really enlighten us on, and that is how counterintuitively limited tech can make people more efficient and really sharpen their tech skills. A while ago, I was reading this book Flash Boys by Michael Lewis, which is on high-frequency trading, which is a very tech-heavy corner of finance. And so they have a lot of coders. And one of the characters was trying to, he noticed that the best coders were Russian, and he was trying to figure out why this was. And finally, one of the Russian coders enlightened him. He said, well, our cohort of coders, we grew up in the Soviet Union, and we had very little computer time. So before we got on our computer time, we'd spent a lot of time making our code elegant, which means concise, and easy to debug. And it's these same traits that made them the best coders that were so in demand by Goldman Sachs and all the other big banks. And so counterintuitively, that limited time made them more efficient and sharpened their tech skills. And I would argue that that's true for kids. If kids have a limited time, they're gonna be very intentional about how they use that time and more efficient. They have all the time in the world, nothing's pressuring them to be efficient, and it's very possible they're gonna unconsciously just consume and consume and consume. And so being more human is what the tech giants are trying to help their children and to be more successful in the tech world. Doesn't mean concentrating more on tech. It means maybe concentrating on some of the human values that actually help. And I think that concentrating on those human values allow kids to take better advantage of tech later when they're more developed, right? So it's not that tech isn't important, but protecting from excessive tech allows them to use technology better when they're older, as their tool rather than their master. And they'll jump into the second benefit, which is that it really helps their kids reach their academic potential. Now, screens in school is a rich topic, we don't have much time. But I will talk about two areas that are increasingly holding a lot of kids back from reaching their academic potential. And that's executive function problems and mental health issues. And so executive function for people that don't know, it's an umbrella term for high level thinking we do, planning, organization, motivation, emotional regulation. It's in our prefrontal cortex, and it's called our control center. And there is research that suggests that a lot of tech exposure can impact the executive functioning skills. And everything that affects attention, affects executive functioning. And I also think it's kind of concerning that there's been a bit of research on video games. And they find that heavy gamers have less gray matter here in the prefrontal cortex. And we find that boys are how executive function has become a bit of a buzzword around schools. And that's because they're seeing a lot more problems with it. And particularly among boys, and boys are consuming a lot of video games. So I'm saying it's just video games, but it's concerning. So the tech giants are saying, again, this is another thing. I don't want you to be on the machines too much, because I want you to develop these skills. Exactly. They want to shield to protect so that these skills can develop. Yeah. I think they figured it out. And then the other one is mental health issues, which is also increasingly holding a lot of kids back from their academic potential, really. And that's also, I think, the third benefit. It would slide into the third benefit. And that, I think, is all parents want their kids to be happy, well-adjusted, healthy, and just throwing out a few facts on what's happening with adolescent and child mental well-being. It's really sad and alarming. 20 years ago, of disabled kids, only something like five or 6% of them were disabled due to mental health reasons. Now it's 50%. Right? That's a 10-fold increase. Bipolar diagnoses in young people is up 20 to 40 times what it used to be. And we're also just seeing skyrocketing anxiety and depression and manifesting most seriously and tragically in suicide. Teen suicide had been on an upward tear between 2007 and 2015. The suicide rate for teenage girls doubled, fully doubled. And for boys over that period, it's up 30%, which is still a lot and very stark. And we've all heard about the connection between some technology and suicide. True, yeah? Yeah, yeah, we have. And there are a number of ways that technology can affect mental health. One, that kids don't have a break from social stress anymore because they're always connected. So home isn't the refuge. It used to be even 15 years ago. Because they go right on their screen. Exactly, so they never escape. Another is it disrupts sleep and dysregulates their nervous system. It actually creates a lot of stress in their nervous system and their bodies that parents really underestimate. It also displaces time for human contact, which texting and messaging, they don't have the same emotional benefits to us as in-person communication. And there are a few other ways that it affects too. And I'm not saying it's 100% responsible by a long shot, but I think that there's more than enough evidence to act. And to me, it seems like at this point, the burden of proof is that it doesn't cause harm. And not that you should have to prove beyond a speck of doubt that it is causing harm. And the tech elites seem to agree. So your position is you feel there's a connection between the technology and things that are not helping. And I've read research that suggests there's a connection as well. OK, and there's probably good and bad involved in technology. We'll agree on that. Yeah, that's true. I mean, that's kind of what you're saying. And one really quick thing I'll interject too, if people have kids that have behavioral issues or psychological issues and they think it might be connected to screens, digital fasts can really turn kids around. So it's not all, you know. Let's talk a little bit about that. So you say that these tech billionaires, executives, these guys who developed things, Steve Jobs and those folks, they're telling their children, let's lay off this so much. What benefits, how do you tell parents nowadays to do that? Or how do parents nowadays do that same thing? What tips can you give them? Yeah, I mean, as far as tips, I would suggest two mindset tips. And maybe I'll alter three tactical tips. So for the mindset tips, I mean, the first thing for parents today is just remember that you're in charge. And also, you have a right to change. I know it sounds obvious, but a lot of parents forget. And also, you have the right to change your mind based on new information on what you think is appropriate screen time. So that's really important for parents to remember. Second, I encourage parents to think about it as a family solution. And what this really does is help kids buy in. And by family solution, I mean that the parents' habits are on the table, too. They've got to be involved, too. It's not just the kids. Exactly, because kids complain and complain about parent hypocrisy, right? The parents are saying, you can never be on, but the parents are always on themselves. And on top of that, to be honest, modeling behaviors is the most potent way of learning. So if you're on all your phone all the time, your kids are going to pick up on that. They're going to see that. They're going to see, and it's going to affect them and how they act. But conversely, if you are non-defensive when you're talking about your tech habits and you try to make changes, that's also going to affect them. It's going to make them easier for them to do it as well. And I think that through this idea of family solutions, you can really make it something that draws the family closer versus something that is constantly creating conflict. As far as the three tactical tips, the first I would say is taking away your kids' devices at night, take them away at night, ideally two hours or so before they go to bed. So they're on to the covers. Yes, they don't have the prefrontal cortex development to self-regulate. And they will go on. It will ruin their sleep, which affects every other aspect of development. I would also suggest some articles will tell you you can leave them in common spaces, like the kitchen or the living room. I say keep it in your room, because I've talked to multiple parents where the kids sneak in. So don't risk that. The second thing that I would say is that download a tracking app for yourself and your kids, something like Moment, just so that most people really underestimate how much they're on their phones and how much their kids are on their phones. And I would sort of tack that as a habit onto the first one when your kids check in their phone for the night. Look over with them. Just spend two or three minutes so that they're cognizant, too, of how much time they're spending on their phone. And actually, you don't even need Moment if you have an iPhone and do it every night. If you go into Settings, Battery, it will show you for the last 24 hours how much time you've spent and on what apps you're on. So that's the second piece of advice. And the last one? And the last one I would say is, you know, schedule family fun activity that's screen-free once a week. Exactly. Go for a hike to the beach without your phone. You know, one parent can have it as a timepiece. But yeah, a rule with no tech allowed. And if it's terrible weather or you just can't motivate that day, then play a board game or a card game. It's really important for kids to have family fun. And that's sort of a more positive way to interject positive family experiences versus always being about limiting and restricting. I seem to remember when I was a kid, that's what we would do. Right. You know, in the minute we have left, tell me what your thoughts are. And where do you want this to go? What's your vision? Oh, and then it is tough for that. But yeah, so my vision is that government can play a role in funding research and getting public health education out there. But I think the most important role is the family. Everything starts at home. And that this can really, there's a way to address that where it makes the family closer and doesn't have to create a lot of conflict. I also really want to see more collaboration between right beneath the family is school, because kids spend so much time in school. They're so affected by their peers. So I want to see schools and families working together to create more positive tech and media cultures in the schools. And personally, I've been working on a few concrete solutions for parents. The first is a parent mastermind. This idea is that I'll get a small group of parents. We will meet weekly for a month. I'll have a mini lecture. We'll have a discussion where everyone gets to talk about what's worked and hasn't worked for them. And over the month, each parent will have one opportunity to be on the hot seat where they'll be able to bring a specific question with the group. And me and all other group members will focus on helping them solve that problem. As far as I'm aware of, this has never been done before. A number of parents have been really interested in this and asking for this. And so if anyone out there is interested, please email me. We'll be putting my email up. And let me know. And I'll put you on the list. And also tell me how old your kids are. Quickly, the second solution that I'm working on is a solution guide. It's compiling solutions from different sources that I've been researching, parents, books, articles. I think of it as a menu that parents can pick from to create a system that works for them. It will go over things like other things you can do, other than being on screen time, which is a huge question I get asked, how to set up a screen time contract, which I think is a great solution for parents, some of the best apps, ways to mitigate kids' resistance and to get them on board. And so that is an early bird price of $35. So you can email me if you're interested in that too. There's one more thing I have to say, Mark, which is that the last thing I'm doing, and I'm sorry it's going over, is doing some sessions with parents on screen time. And for people watching, I'm going to give away 10 half an hour sessions for parents. We'll go over a specific question or challenge they have with screens and come up with practical, actionable solution points. Lauren, thank you very much. I learned the secret, and I am glad to have it. Thank you very much, Allah. You're welcome. Thank you, Mark.