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The Book of Eddygoombah

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Published on Jun 13, 2011

The Book of Eddygoombah

Chapter 1

And the Flying Spaghetti Monster called unto Goombah, and spake unto him from the book of arbitrary rules, saying:
2 Speak unto the children of YouTube, and say unto them,
If any man of you bring an offering of bud most kind unto his noodly appendage,
it shall be accepted for him to make atonement for him.
3 And if he shall place the weed in paper, and it shall be rolled,
then thou shall have a seat at my altar
And if he puts flame to the offering, it shall be a burnt offering,
let him offer it of his own voluntary will at the door of my tabernacle.
4 And he shall not bogart the offering before me, and he shall call unto Pizza Hut for munchies, and crazy bread shall be placed upon the altar,
5 And he shall sprinkle cheese on thy crazy bread, and he shall cut it into pieces,
and place the garnished pieces upon my altar,
6 And his Xbox shall be turned on, and Portal 2 shall be prepared,
for GLaDOS is to be a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire.
7 And he shall cut her into his pieces, and with her diodes and her circuits,
place them on the fire which is upon the altar before me.
8 So Sayeth this book

Chapter 2

And the Flying Spaghetti Monster spake unto Goombah, saying
2 Speak unto the children of YouTube, that they not separate themselves from this book,
3 Say unto them, Whoever shall worship a "false god", being a term that is redundant, named as the decedents of Abraham, they shall be known as theists.
4 And if a man followeth the law set down upon them by their book, and annoy others as to have them join their flock, then let it be known that they are A-holes.
5 And the A-Hole theist who spouteth from his book rantings against his gay brethren, they have committed an abomination and shall have their docs dropped.
6 And if the theist tries to make a law that prohibits his gay brethren to wed,
they shall be tied to a fence post and will be involuntarily known by 3 horses, 2 sheep and an orangutan.
7 And whosoever sayeth that the earth is only 6000 years old and Dinosaurs layeth with mankind, they shall be lined up each Wednesday night and shown on every channel on Prime Time television whereupon the masses at home will text vote for "Biggest Fucktard" of the week.
8 And any man shall not offer appeal to the majority as proof of his belief, neither shall he make straw men, for they are abominations and he will be cast out from any further debate and naughty things shall be said about him.
9 Whosoever claims moral superiority because they are theists shall be cast aside and made to eat icky things like llama gonads, and salamanders.
10 And if a theist votes into office other theists only because they are theists, his liver shall explode, his brain will swim in bile, goblins will feast on his buttocks, his gums will become diseased and ulcerous and his teeth will turn to glue.
11 ye shall only need to provide this book as proof of its own validity.
12 So Sayeth this book

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