Wilhelm Reich - Alone (10 min. home recording) (03.04.1952)





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Published on Mar 23, 2012

Transcript by Mikhail Bakhtunin:

It is April 3rd, 1952, at Orgonon, Rangeley, Maine. I, Wilhelm Reich, am sitting alone in the large room in the lower house. All people are gone. In the morning and the whole day yesterday, a meeting took place of the members of the board of trustees of the foundation which carries my name. Everybody is gone now and I would like to add a few words to the recording we made yesterday and today of the disaster which struck Orgonon. There's nobody here to listen to what I am saying. The recording apparatus is the only witness.

I hope that someone will at some time in the future listen to this recording with great respect, respect for the courage that was necessary to sustain the research work in orgone energy and life energy all through these years. I shall not go into the great strain, into the details, into the worries, the sleepless nights, the tears, the expenditures of money and effort, the patience which I had to have with all my workers and with all my students. I would like only to mention the fact that there is nobody around, there is not a single soul either here at Orgonon or down in New York who would fully and really from the bottom of his existence understand what I'm doing, and be with me in what I'm doing.

They are all very good people. They are decent, honest hard working. I trust them. They are very good friends. All of them - or most of them. But, this does not alter the fact that they all, without any exception, are against, I say, are against what I am doing. Every single one of them spites me, interferes with my effort, crosses it out, blunts out, flattens out, this one thing or another thing, whatever it may be, to diminish my effort - no, to diminish the effects of my effort. To block out the sharpness and acuity of my thoughts. To reduce to rubble and nothing - or nothingness what I have elaborated and about now thirty - thirty three or thirty four years of systematic thinking and in about forty years of human suffering, since about 1912, or rather 1910 when my mother died. There is not a single soul around who would fully understand or would not say "no" to it all.
This "no" is identical with: I don't want it, I don't like it, I loathe it, why is it here?, why does he have to exist?, why does he - why doesn't he sit down and take it easy?, why did he have to start this ORANUR (nuclear radiation) experiment which gives us so much trouble? They see only the trouble. They don't see or they don't want to realize what it means for medicine, biology and science in general, as well as philosophy, to have this ORANUR going. To them it is mostly a bother, an inducer of sickness, suffering and at times I have the distinct feeling that they believe or they do not quite dare to admit their own thoughts, that I may have gone hayward.

This reaction of my closest friends and coworkers to the situation here is exactly the same that has harassed the human race for as much as we can say, 8.000 or 10.000 years, since patriarchy has ruled its destinies and since natural love was extinguished in the newborn infants. I shall not go into that. It is all written up in my publications. Whoever knows these publications also knows what that means. The discovery of the life energy would have been accomplished long ago, had this "I don't want it, I fear it, I loathe it, I'll kill it, I'll flatten it out, I won't let it exis- live, or exist". If that had not been in their structures, not in their desires, not in their positive conscious wishes. They're all descent and good people. No it is in the structure. It is somehow in their tissues, in their blood. They cannot tolerate anything that has to do with orgone energy, or life energy, or what they call God, or what is their deepest longing for love fulfillment. They cannot tolerate it and they fear it. They fear it by way of structure. Their tissues, their blood cannot stretch out, cannot take it, evades it - avoids it and loathes it.

I do not say all this to depreciate their efforts, their honour, their loves, their lives. I say it because it is true, because it turns up in every single move, in every single word, in every single opinion, in every single paper, in every single thing they did to a- to whatever ever had to do with discovery - the discovery of genitality, life, love, such people as Laurence/Lawrence, or such philosophies as Giordano Bruno's or such great lives as Jesus Christ, ensoforth, ensoforth. It is a sad, lonely chapter of the human race.

I don't feel that I am obligated to solve this riddle, to do anything about it. I happened to discover the life energy. I happened to induce the ORANUR experiment. I know what it means for the future development of medicine and biology, philosophy and natural science and in this awareness I am completely alone. There is no soul far and wide to talk to, to give one's feelings - to let one's feelings go freely, to speak like - as friends speak to each other.
This is all.


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