 In this one, we're going to be talking about L-O-V-E. Did they really love you? That's what we're going to be talking about in this video. Just been sitting out by the lake before I get ready to go travelling to the next place. But yeah, that's what we're going to be talking about in this video. We're going to be talking about L-O-V-E. Love. Did they really love you? I'm sure many of you will assume that the answer is no. Yeah, I can see it in the comments already. But it is actually a bit more complicated than that. But when it comes to what we think of as love, it's your ability to connect with someone on a deep level. I'm just giving you how I define love right now. It is acceptance of another person. You don't try to change them. You accept their flaws and weaknesses just as you accept the good parts of them. That's what love is to me. And love is also about freedom. You give someone the freedom to choose to decide. It's pretty much the opposite of control. You're not trying to control the outcome. You're not trying to control the behaviour. Because that stems from your own insecurities. And that has nothing to do with love. Love is a good feeling. It's not pain. So that's how I define love. That's my idea of love. And I think it is something that we can all agree with. That is love. With that being said, narcissists have an inability to love anyone or anything. Including themselves. They don't love themselves as well. But how do they pull you into this? How do they get you caught up with them? Well of course they have to show you something. To keep you engaged. And narcissists have their own idea of what love is. Which they use to satisfy your cravings for love. And to keep you calm and quiet and prevent any arguments. By letting you have what they think you want. By making you think that there is this emotional connection. Because if there's one thing they can do. They know how to mimic and imitate love. Because they will copy what other people do. They may even mimic you. And how you give your love to them. Or it may just be something that they've seen in movies. So they can do that. They can create the illusion of love. And they can make you feel like it's real. Because they will say and do things to make you believe that it's true. They will pretend to be something that they are not. And they already know that it's going to work on you. They know that you're going to fall for it. Because they already picked you for a reason. Think about it. They're not going to pick someone who is very cold. Someone who doesn't think much or understand. Because that kind of person is not going to respond to their manipulative tactics. It's not going to work on someone like that. So they specifically selected you. Because they knew that you would be susceptible to it. You would be open and responsive to their tactics. They knew that you could receive their fake love. And they also knew that you wouldn't even know if it's real or not. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference. But with some time you do catch on and you realize that it is not real. Because of course as I've said about what love is, love is not pain. So if it's real love you should feel good. But you don't feel good. How did you end up in this? Why did you even give them a chance in the first place? Why did you want to be with them? Why did you put in all of that effort? The reason why is because they created this feeling of love within you. And they did that by using future faking. They give you this vision of the future. And that is how they created the bonding and connection. It was manipulation. They hugged you in by making these future promises that you wanted to hear. And they did that so they could get what they wanted in the present moment. Which is your attention and validation. That's all they wanted. They don't care about relationships. They don't care about anything long term. They only care about short term. And when they picked you, they picked you as something temporary. Something that was not intended to last long. It was just for recreational use. It was for their own amusement and enjoyment and nothing more. And that should be pretty obvious by now. Because when you look back, you can see that it was only in the beginning that they actually made an effort with you. After that they stopped giving you their time. They stopped giving you their attention. Because they only gave that you in the beginning so that you would respond with your love and attention. Because that's what they wanted from you. That's why they were so into you in the beginning. It's like they may have told you they were interested in romance, love, marriage. They wanted to have a relationship with you. Everything was about you in the beginning. They were messaging you all the time. They were with you every day. But why were they doing that? Well, they were only doing that to get you hooked to make you attracted to them. Until you then mistook it for love because they encouraged you to have these feelings of affection for them. I know many of you, they may have told you that they love you. And this may have been just after a few days or a couple of weeks they're already telling you that they love you and they only want something long-term. They don't do short-term relationships. They don't do one-night stands. They're interested in long-term and marriage. But they're only saying that because they know that's what you want. They're not really about that. And that's how they fade out so quickly because they were never looking for that anyway. So they don't care about that. They don't feel like they've lost anything because that's never what they wanted. But it's what you wanted and they feed it back to you. They're saying they reflect it back until you feel like you found the one. You feel like you found the right person for you because they're telling you they want the same things as you do. But what you need to understand is that their idea of love it's very different to our idea of love because their love is conditional. They place terms, restrictions and rules on the giving of their love. It's not free love. It's not unconditional. It's all an illusion that they create by pretending to cooperate with you. But they're only doing that if you do what they want. So it's all under their control. It's not really love just as I said before love is the opposite of control. But they have to control you because they are very insecure and they have low self-esteem but they will pretend to cooperate with you but they're not going to lose their control. They're not going to give that away but they will act in a way that is attractive and interesting to you. But this is only going to be for a short time. As long as you do what they want they will show you their version of love but that's really just whether they're not aggravating you whether they're not constantly provoking you and if you're not doing that then and if you're complaining, you're confronting them they'll turn against you. They will hate you because they just want you to lay down and submit to their treatment without any push back without any resistance and if you do that then you may get better treatment but they're still going to be the same person they're going to be who they are they can't be anyone else because they've got to keep you under control but yeah you might get a version of them as long as you're giving them the attention and validation that they want then they may respond more positively to you but as soon as you start doing that then you will see a completely different side to them they will provoke you, they will try to make you hate them and at that point it will really confuse you because it could have been just the day before that they said they loved you they were doing all of these sweet kind gestures for you they went out of their way to be there for you and then suddenly they change but it's because you were acting differently towards them you stopped validating their illusion of love because you started to figure it out you realized what you were dealing with you wanted more because you started to see that this is unfair it's an unequal exchange so you try to make it fair, you try to make it equal but when you did that they wanted no parts of it they didn't want to put in the work they just wanted what they wanted and they expected you to submit and do what they wanted you to do that's when you saw the mask slip that's when you saw who they really are because who they really are is someone who's not so kind or caring they're very different to what they show to you in the beginning but in the beginning it appeared to be love it appeared to be something coming from their heart but that was all an act to induce a certain type of behavior from you and it was a very good act, it worked it made you believe that it was love so it was very effective because you thought it was real but now by this point you realize that you were the only one who was offering anything and they were the only ones who were benefiting from it because just think back and you will remember how they demanded your loyalty and your commitment but they weren't willing to give that to you it was all one-sided it was all their way or no way because they would only cooperate with you if you didn't expect anything from them they wanted you to have low expectations of them to not expect so much so that you don't hold them accountable for their actions because that is their version of love but there's no arguments, there's no difficulties you're not bothering them but of course there are going to be arguments there are going to be difficulties that is bound to happen because anyone who is rational and sane and in the right state of mind and they think normally like a normal person they're going to realize that this doesn't make any sense because you are being treated in a way that seems like it's kind and helpful but it's coming from a feeling of superiority as though they're above you as though they think they're better than you and more important than you are and they're just trying to keep you quiet by giving in to what you want to resolve a problem to prevent an argument or disagreement by letting you have what you want or telling you what you want to hear so of course you are being tricked they're cheating you they're deceiving you you begin to realize that this is not love because they are being fake they're playing you and they're doing a really good job at it because anytime they like they can just turn it on whenever they feel like it and they're very good at it because they've had a lot of practice they've done this to many people before you and they're going to do it to many people after you're gone this is how they get their supply their attention their validation so they've got to be good at it to make people open up and be more communicative to be more available and accessible they make you feel like you're in love they make you feel like you've met your soulmate and then they've got you they've locked you in but it is not real because it's conditional but it did seem like it was real because they never got too close to you it's like you never really sat down and had a proper conversation with them not of anything that's deep or meaningful or of any substance they kept you at a distance they kept you at arm's length they only gave you so much of their time so that you wouldn't catch on and figure them out so that you wouldn't realize that they actually don't have any love to give to you they can't love you or anyone else they can't even love themselves because they're very insecure and they have lost off steam and that is why they do it but they don't want you to know that because as soon as you figure that out the attention stops you stop giving a damn about them you may focus on other things or on someone else someone who can actually give you real love and they need your attention to feel like they're worth something they have to keep you doing things for them to keep this fake act going where they pretend to love and care for you so that you then feel good because you have them and you get to be with them because if you give into their demands and you do what they want you to do you might get better treatment for them they might give you more of what you want to see but then it starts to have an effect on your mind it brainwashes you you start to think that okay I just need to do what they want because then everything will be fine there won't be any arguments it's meant to make you think that if I just do what they want then I will get more from them then I'll get that feeling of love when in fact they will breadcrumb you those of you who don't know what breadcrumbing is Google breadcrumbing this is a common tactic that narcissists use where they will give you morsels of their love and affection and it's meant to keep you chasing after them because you want more you want it back you know a normal person wants to progress and advance in the relationship but the narcissist is constantly holding back it's like you take one step forward two steps back so you never actually arrive at a destination with them you never actually get what you want and some of you will know this even you know many of you are thinking what would happen if I just kept validating it and I stayed with them and I gave them what they wanted maybe eventually things would change things would get better maybe that character that you saw in the beginning would come back I know that's something a lot of you have in your mind and you know there's plenty of people who watch my videos they've already done that they've been through it you know they married the narcissist they had children with them they stayed with them for 10 years 20 years and they can tell you that that character never comes back consistently because of course it is a false character everything you saw in the beginning it wasn't real when they feel like you're about to leave when they feel like you're starting to figure them out then they will give you glimpses of that false character to keep you locked in Michelle Neves she has a channel I remember something she said before they love you most when you have one foot out the door when you're about to leave then they bring back the false character the fake love it all comes back but then that's just to pull you back in and then as soon as you go back to them then things go back to normal they go back to how they were treating you before so yeah you're really wasting your time you know if you have that mindset if you're thinking like that it's just not going to work out that way the best thing you can do is as soon as you spot it as soon as you realise that this love is inconsistent it's not adding up then you just got to cut it off because it's not going to change it's not going to get better it's always going to be like that and don't worry about what happens to them or where they go next it's just someone else's lesson to learn someone else will have to deal with them and they're going to get the exact same thing that you did they're going to get the love going in the beginning followed by the devaluation but they start seeing things wrong with you and then the discard they want nothing to do with you that's the cycle love bombing, devaluation, discard sometimes they will hoover you sometimes they will come back but it's only so they can get more of your attention and then they're off again to another situation that's just how it is it's an endless cycle it's constantly on repeat and they do this with everyone that they encounter love bomb, devaluation, discard sometimes hoover it never changes so as soon as you spot it you just got to get yourself out of there because it's not going to get any better they're not just suddenly going to change and be everything you wanted everything that they show to you in the beginning and then you're going to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after it never goes like that not with narcissists you could do that with someone else but not with them they're always going to be the same no matter who their dinner with just a little walk on the beach before I get something to eat and go to the next place it's a pretty nice beach here yeah so I'd just like to leave you with this it wasn't real love at least not the idea of love that we have it was their own version of love love makes us feel good makes us feel happy obviously what you went through it didn't make you feel good made you feel pain and they found pleasure in your pain in your suffering so take your focus off of that don't focus on things that don't make you feel good instead focus on the things that make you happy do things that you enjoy that's my message for you today you all have a great day