 So is he is avoiding me or is he really busy? Why do men always say they're so busy when it's actually them just pulling away from a relationship? And we're gonna dive into why men pull away once a relationship begins now I think it's really important to identify the two types of men actively dating In my in my three men of okay first off I just want to share with you I have three types of men who are actively dating But I'm going to talk about the fact that there are users Spenders and grower builders so just hold that for thought But the user and spenders are a little different than the grower and builders and let me identify this the users and spenders Those are men seeking Connection they are seeking a connection for themselves The grower and builders are seeking commitment So I'm just going off and a little tangent for my normal content where there are people that seek connection And then there are people that seek commitments. Okay. Now within the connection category There are those men that seek short-term connection or those that seek longer term Connection but longer term could just be a few weeks a few months Maybe even a few years, but they're not really capable of diving into commitment So so what's the difference between a man seeking a commitment versus the man seeking connection? See here's the thing a man seeking a commitment is very crystal clear on who he wants in his life He wants to commit he wants a partner in his life and the way he approaches the dating process is Vastly different than the man seeking connection See, let me explain the difference and I actually I'm going to use a phrase from Wayne Dyer I might butcher this so give me a second to share this But Wayne Dyer once said I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it I'll believe it when I see it now someone else might have said this So that's a person that seeks connection and if they believe you're the one then they will see it Versus the person says when I believe it I will see it When I believe it I will see it when I believe it I will see it in other words when a man already has commitment in his consciousness Then he will see his potential partner Now some of you are familiar with my user Spender category the users are the love bombers. They're the players They're the they seek short-term connection and I'm gonna read something to you in a moment that illustrates this Okay, they seek short-term connection. Those are the users the spenders These are the people that want companionship connection and sex and yet they are most likely fairly broken They are fairly broken So they'll spend a longer period of time with you hence why they're called spenders But the end of the day they will use you because they're not Capable of commitment. These are the people that are going through a contentious divorce Somebody who has a contentious relationship with his ex somebody who's got issues in his professional life Basically these spenders these people that might seek a longer term Connection with someone the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid when the ground underneath the man doesn't feel solid He's incapable of commitment So this leans the okay, and by the way of those men who seek commitment those spenders 80% of them will pull away Claiming that they are busy because busy is a really, you know a fair excuse, you know, I'm busy with work I'm busy with my children. I've got other Activities going on in my life, and I can't devote the amount of time I wish to devote to you because I'm busy Okay, here's the bottom line Okay, when a man is Ready for commitment and he's and he's chosen to pursue you from a commitment category He's chosen to pursue you from a commitment category He's never too busy to see you He puts you as equal importance as all the other things in his life He puts you in equal importance of all the other things in his life See a man who's ready for commitment and he's pursuing you with the intent of exploring something serious He won't use the excuse. I'm busy if he doesn't believe you're the one. Here's what he'll say He might say something along these lines. I really appreciate the time. We've gotten to know each other I just don't feel fully aligned with you from a long-term perspective And it's not fair to you to continue a relationship if I don't feel like we have a long-term potential Now some of you might argue that he's wrong But the minute you argue he's wrong. You're giving your power away. You're chasing him. You're trying to convince him Because he has your power the minute you try to convince someone to want to be with you It's kind of natural to do that in a moment of weakness in a moment of Feeling insecure, but when you sit with it after a day or two And you're still chasing this person who's clearly said they don't want a relationship with you It is all on you at that point And it's time to look in the mirror and say I need to regain my power back I need to love myself If you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self up in spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of my book. I highly recommend it So how do we avoid this? Well, I got a question in my instagram the other day and I want to read this to everyone Says uh, here's what I'm struggling with and this may be a good topic for one of your videos I've known someone for six years whom I've grown attached Most people use dating apps to meet women To love and then get off the dating apps This guy views women women as transactional He's not emotionally evolved and he uses bumble for a decade or longer to get off literally Like a prick predictor. I think she meant predator Having one meaningless round of tennis to bed and discard and most end Most end in hateful words because he's a real Casanova He's perfected his craft The fact was an error on my part and then the length of years was a result of many years with no communication So I guess she still has a connection with this this broken soul is not introspective nor evolved and certainly not my match But there should be a way to discern intentions early And I think your viewers could bed or benefit from such a discussion Okay, this leads into the difference between those guys seeking connection and those that seek commitment Guys like him they want to bed you Very quickly they will rarely ever wait past three dates to have physical sex with you So in this particular case Most likely he gets them in bed very quickly and then he's gone. Okay, so how can you avoid this? By prolonging the process if you have a habit of getting attached to someone rather quickly Like the person that's trying to fight for their relationship Then I would recommend what I call my 10 date rule my 10 date rule 10 dates is basically this it takes about 100 hours of face to face time Just to build the first layer of trust In addition Most men who are in it for the short run are usually gone by the fourth fifth or sixth date if they haven't had sex with you They the men are in it for the short run The men the 10 date rule basically says that you operate with the following You apply radical honesty Laying your cards on the table and you establish the rules of engagement. In other words, you are crystal clear With what you seek in a relationship Now here's the thing I'm your big brother here folks If I if I could be on the first date or if anyone that goes on a first date with this guy I'd have my shotgun pointed at the guy's head and says what's your intentions with my little sister In other words, there's no consequence for a guy like this And I'm a little saddened to hear that she's rather attached to this guy because he he sounds like he's pretty disrespectful to women So I don't know if you'd want to be friends with somebody who's disrespectful with to women. That's just my observation So to dive into this a little bit deeper Listen, it takes about 90 days For a guy to really know if you're the one if he's if a man is commitment oriented If he's truly commitment oriented and he's investing regular time with you those 10 dates Should happen within You know, what is that if you went out on two dates a week that should be five weeks Roughly about a month and a half. Okay, or if you went out once a week That would be 10 weeks roughly about 90 days To really know if you are someone For him worth investing the problem is for those men who are seeking short term connection or those spenders I talk about They this is the easy way to spot them. They're either trying way too hard to get you in bed in the beginning or Their life is a bit dysfunctional the light the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid And that's usually a sign that he's going to waste your time and then he will use the busy category Because he's not avoiding you when a man says he's busy. Excuse me when a man says he's busy He's really avoiding you because no man who truly wants to be in a fully committed relationship with you Will want to put you off to the side. There's not enough busy in the day to do that Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. Here's the thing ladies when a man If by the 10th date He continually makes you important in his life There is a good chance you have and especially if you hit the 90-day mark And you're going at a nice steady pace. There's a good chance you have Relationship success. It's not a guarantee, but a good chance. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know If it is please hit that like button right now Please share this video with your friends and if you're brand new my channel, please hit the subscription bell I'd like to hear your thoughts on it as well and also check out all the links below all right If you've gotten this far and you're watching live This is christmas day today And I decided to do a video for christmas day now I actually bought an ugly sweater and I went to go from amazon and I went to go open it up Check this out and you won't believe it I ordered a large and they sent me a small Can you believe it? What do you think of this ugly sweater? I was planning on wearing and it's got bells so I want to be candid with you all being single on Christmas day sucks It sucks. Okay. Now. I know I did a post that said the following and I want to read it to everybody But I also want to be in full transparency right now. So the post says The most important relationship we can have Right the most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself the most important journey You can take is the one of self discovery. Okay. Now. This is what I wrote underneath it. Okay Here's my truth I'm by myself for the holidays I'm by myself for the holidays. Sorry for the fuzziness Okay There is no romantic partner To give a Christmas present And no plans to be kissing someone at the stroke of midnight What I'm not going to do is focus on lack because I truly enjoy my own company. Let me see if I can fix this What I'm not going to do is focus on the lack because I'm truly enjoying my own company While it might be nice to be coupled It's equally as nice exploring the depths and the meaning of life in meditation self love is a space when calm Is the best feeling to aspire to who can relate? It looks like my camera is a little bit fuzzy. So I want to fix that really quick. Oh, there it is Okay, now it's working. All right. So I wrote this post to kind of validate all of us that are by ourselves during Christmas to say it's okay But can I be really honest? It fucking sucks to be single during the holidays. I'm just going to own it now I can rationalize it through this post and say it's going to be fine You guys might have seen my post in the community page, but it kind of fucking sucks. It does So what are we going to do about it? What are we going to do about it in 2024? What are we going to do differently? And that's the conversation I want to have with you tonight I'll stay on as long as you're willing to wrap with me You're even willing to join me on the hot seat that I just put a link for But I'm going to open it up to questions right now. I'm going to open it up to a conversation. Let's talk about Let's talk about it fucking sucks being alone being by ourselves Now I didn't say the word alone because I'm not alone and I hope you're not alone either My son came by today. Where is he pictured fallen right there? He came by today And I got a chance my sister and I connected today I my someone from my dad's facility reached out today So I don't feel alone. I've got invited to several parties today I got invited to several people's homes, but I chose to be by myself See, I said the words by myself. That's not the same as alone I think alone is a feeling of not feeling love within yourself. I feel love within myself I'm just by myself today. I even watched a john wick movie today Oh, and I watch football and as soon as I wrap up these live stream I'm gonna head over to a bar and watch the Ravens, uh, san francisco game, which I believe just started Okay If you have a question Write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase the super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat Goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley. He's the little rascal right there in the woody outfit He's my son who passed away over five years ago and we donate to causes like the hoffman process Insight institute and our goal is to get 50 dollars and wait 50 dollars in donations tonight. So let's give some love today so, um Who who wants to be brave enough to join the hot seat to get in this conversation? Let's talk about being by ourselves through the holidays being alone. We can talk even about my ugly sweater Like you want Oh my gosh, it's falling apart right now. Oh, look at that ugly sweater um Okay, billy lin hold says I made sauerkraut with bacon onions Potatoes a can of beer a little cracked pepper so good. I'm not a fan of sauerkraut, but um, I'm sure it tastes delicious But I'm not a fan of that um One of our facebook members By the way, if you want to have direct access to me on a regular basis check out my group called midlife love mastery Uh one of our facebook members rope I'm by myself too, but i'm going to my parents house later and my closest friends called me on the phone this morning Thankfully i'm off in two hours. Well, well, I hope it's I hope it's okay. You're working. Okay. It sounds like you're working All right. Who else is in the house? Barbara says thank you for doing this tonight. I figured you know what? Listen, one of the things that brings me a lot of joy is connecting with you all so Hey, let's talk about anything you want uh related to dating mating relating Melissa just wrote I just want to point out something that I read somewhere excitement and anxiety are similar psychologically So excitement can be misinterpreted as anxiety just a heads up Interesting. Well, I suspect that's probably the case All right. Lee is in the house. Merry christmas, jonathan How can you get a man to identify his feelings? He says he has a lot of feelings but has a hard time putting them into words You know, I believe the best thing to do is first lead by example You know, I didn't get good at expressing my feelings until I actually started to witness it And there are great books or there you can even try this card deck called Intimacy that invites the questions to expose how we feel about things So, you know, check out this thing called card decks, you know, there's cards here. Let's pull one out Let's see what it says here What were the major turning points in your life that got you here? That's an interesting one and then you might want to say well, how did you feel about that and just through practice Here's another one. Which personal accomplishment are you most proud of? So here are just two examples from this card decks It's called intimacy. It's called best self intimacy and that might help you tap into it Hey, I just had a thought would you guys be interesting to interested to hear Some of my notes when it comes to manifesting my soulmate, would you be interested in hearing that? Okay Well, I have some notes here notes, ah You're gonna have to come back and watch that and stop the screen did that quickly But here's some of the feelings I want to experience in relationship Okay So I I I really want to experience the feeling of reciprocity Now reciprocity is when you share or give that a person shares and give At a relatively reciprocal rate I think one of the most frustrating things for women in particular is they seem to give more Emotionally in the relationship than the man gives and it doesn't feel reciprocal. So Reciprocity is one of the most important values. I seek in relationship somebody who can give and receive Give and receive receive and give give and receive. Okay I'm also Seek someone as a grateful or appreciative mindset somebody who has a grateful or appreciative mindset I know a lot of women and men who have kind of a negative view on life. They're more pessimistic They focus on what's wrong Instead of what's right and they don't use the words Appreciate grateful gratitude as part of the lexicon of their language. I'm really to me That's one of the most important Values traits experiences or feelings for me in relationship And I hope that is for you too. So I call I say a grateful and appreciative mindset Number three somebody who has an agreeable nature somebody who has an agreeable nature I think you know, I got to tell you something a lot of women get accused of being strong, smart, confident And they're in their masculine energy There's nothing wrong with a woman being strong, smart, confident But those women also oftentimes don't have a very agreeable personality And whether you're a man or woman, I think it's important to have agreeable personality Somebody who's sick has sexual passion I'm still young to give up on this and I still want regular sex. So that's on my list is sexual passion Somebody who has a connection to their higher self to their divinity something greater than themselves Somebody who's romantic verbally and physically Words of effort. Okay, if you're not familiar with the book The five love languages highly recommend checking it out. Okay My top love language is not it's not words of affirmation. It's words of adoration But then I'm a leo we like to be adored but then physical touch So romantic gestures that are both verbal and physical are important to me Somebody who is growth oriented willing to work on their shit willing to work on their stuff and grow past Their negative patterns and their limiting beliefs somebody who is emotionally expressive I already said that but i'm piggybacking that emotionally expressive emotionally appreciative Verbally appreciative those are really important things that I look for Within a person somebody who's commitment oriented in other words is marriage minded or clearly wants to live with someone I'm I'm looking i'm getting closer to the the last couple chapters of my life And I don't want to do this dating thing, you know on and on and on so I seek commitment Now i'm sharing all this for you because i'm giving you some context to maybe Think of what you seek in a relationship. I go on to say I want someone who's open minded I can't stand closed minded people some people who are too far on the right politically Some people who are too far left on the politically politically to me are gigantic turnoff if they're too far at the ends because And if they hate the other side, I just can't stand that to me that lacks an open mind But that's just my personal opinion Somebody who is financially at peace financially independent. Fuck. Why not somebody financially rich? I'm not going to turn that away if somebody's financially rich But certainly financial peace and financial independence somebody who is fun playful funny I need someone who's fun playful and funny and I also need somebody who's more like a social director They're good at planning ship for us to do because that's a weakness of mine. I'm sorry It's just I'm kind of a little bit of a hermit and I need somebody to pull me out of my shell okay I need somebody who is chill, especially under pressure. That's another area weakness from right I I become spastic under pressure and I need somebody who's stable and chill under pressure Um, I need someone to be all in I need someone to be responsive Um, I shared all this with you because I'm inviting you to write down your list of what's important to you I'll read it all again reciprocity grateful and appreciative mindset Agreeable nature sexually passionate connection to the divine romantic verbally and physically growth oriented, um Oh, they must be present. Oh, that's an important one a mostly expressive and appreciative verbally commitment oriented open mind financially independent fun funny playful chill, especially under pressure all in and responsive Can any of you relate to what I just shared if you did I want to read something to you These are my intentions for 2024 My intention is to be reciting my dating vows with someone special Do not familiar with my dating vows check out the link below to get a copy of my dating vows But I want to read you a couple paragraphs. This might Invite you to maybe even reach out and do some coaching with me and it goes like this Our mutual physical attraction for one another feels stimulating and passionate including verbally expressing this attraction towards one another which includes regular practice of flirting with one another through words of affirmation and adoration physical touch and quality time which feels sensational What does that sound to you? What does that feel like to hear that? The communication between us feels liberating and more importantly it feels respectful and balanced We mutually feel seen heard and understood We experience a deep sense of intimacy while choosing authenticity and transparency as our daily practice Which feels safe. We feel mutual comfort and ease when we're together which feels grounding And I want to give Margaret some props for giving us a 30 dollar super sticker That means we're only 20 dollars away from our goal tonight By the way, if anyone wants to join my hot seat join the hot seat while i'm sharing my My uh affirmation if you will We love talking and hearing about our passions to one another at a balanced rate and we listen to each other with respect And presence that fills each other up. We are truly cherished when we speak to each other We seem like we seem to like the same things in life At the same time we appreciate and learning new things from one another and we are We are we devote regular time to nurturing the relationship from a conscious place that feels grounding Folks, I invite you to Envision what this relationship looks like This is one of the things we do in my private coaching. I call the love mantra and I just shared with you My love mantra by the way is two pages long. Look at this And by the way They are simply What I want to feel in relationship. It is simply what I want to feel in a relationship It's not how tall she is or how much she weighs or what she looks like. It's just the feelings Of what you want to experience. I invite you to write down the qualities you want to experience and then Commensurately write down the feelings you want to experience in relationship as well Hey, who wants to join the hot seat tonight? Come on. Let's this is christmas. I'd like to have some fun Cecilia just posted a question I keep showing I keep showing Him feelings through voice messages and written. He only reaches out when I got married and got my passport He wanted to divorce. He wanted me to divorce and marry someone. What's my role? I'm a little bit confused. Are you married? To somebody else and you have feelings for somebody else. That's very confusing to me and I'm not I don't even want to entertain that Sharon wrote down holy cow. That's a hell of a list sometimes Jonathan. You get what you need You wait you get what you need not what you want I think well, I these are all the needs I have in relationship. I don't think what I'm asking for is is I mean What I want the opposite of any of these needs. I don't want somebody who's not emotionally expressive I don't want the opposite of any of these needs If they're flat when it comes to emotionally expressive. Well, then that's not good either If they if if they're dirt poor broke and in debt I don't know if I want to take on someone else's financial burden. I don't think so I don't want someone who's who's closed minded Um, I really don't want someone that doesn't have a connection to the divine in their higher self I certainly don't want someone who isn't growth oriented because this is everything. I just listed is who I am See what I'm seeking is my watermark I'm only asked. I'm only seeking to meet somebody who's who already meets me where I'm at So I don't see that as asking for too much Vivian writes Jonathan, don't you have to be those qualities that you I I'd like to think I am all the qualities I listed there except for two things. I'm not the best social director And I'm not the best Under pressure, okay Now I'm aware of this and I'm working on it I'm hoping to meet someone who has some strengths In some areas and I have strengths in other areas. See that's the other thing we bring We bring our own strengths to the relationship. So I think I bring High emotional IQ. I think I bring expressiveness. I think I bring full commitment But I want somebody who's going to meet me in those places as well So maybe she's got some strengths in some areas of her life and I have strengths in other areas of my life And Kathy says he's anxious Yeah, well, I I'd like to think I'm a healed anxious attache and if you're not familiar with love attachment style I highly recommend you read the book wired for love by dr. Stan Tachan Also, I highly recommend reading Uh tis this book um learning love Ty East book Ty East Gibson's book learning to love and there are all links below All right Who wants to join the hot seat? Oh, Kathy says I'm anxious. Okay And Margaret says no, you are not asking for too much. We all have some shortcomings exactly. I think we all do so, um So who wants to who's come on. It's christmas. Let's somebody get on the hot seat. Let's when I say hot seat Let's have a conversation Um Gigi says You are all those qualities. Don't compromise on what you want. She's out there and she will appear I do believe in the power of manifesting. I do believe in the power of it law of attraction I believe if we emulate what we desire by doing it from the inside out Um, if I think we do it from the inside out, we have a greater chance of achieving what we see um Okay, karen says something. Let's see what she just said I do not have debt my problem is accepting my physical disabilities and finding a man who accepts them too I can understand, you know, that's a real challenge today as we age Can we do we Can we initially accept somebody who has a disability? That's a great question You know, it takes a very special person to first accept it In addition, it takes time to build trust So our current dating environment makes it very difficult because when you're meeting total strangers You don't get to know them from the heart So I can understand why that can be incredibly challenging and why it might be difficult Accepting someone who's a total stranger to also Appreciate and accept you for who you are and that's just kind of a you know I I would say do Volunteering events to meet people where you can meet people over a longer period of time Who can actually grow to appreciate who you are as a person versus our real cold way of meeting through the online dating methodology that we currently have all right Lucky star says why not challenge yourself and try to do things you don't like to do Is it difficult in the beginning and it gets easier? I have done a number of new things in my life Recently so yes, I'm pushing myself beyond my comfort zone But I'm still you know, you get to a certain age and boy it is harder You know like the older you get the more grooved you are the more you are you groove your life, you know So I'm working on it. I am definitely working on I did a number of things differently Since um since Marie moved out that I hadn't done in the past. So thank you for that Asking that Okay, Jonathan Isn't the foundation of our healthy relationship with others based on how well we've worked on a connection relationship With ourselves primarily exactly the relationship you have with yourself Is going to most likely dictate the relationship you have with others great question um Karen says, uh, I tell them upfront. I am disabled I think that's very admirable to do that and just recognize that when you're meeting a total stranger It's hard to accept that I think ladies would feel the same way You know if a man was disabled they might I would say nine out of ten times they're going to be rejected That's just kind of the nature of the beast of you know, meeting strangers again when you're meeting a total stranger Margaret goes on to say so true about grooved your life grooved your life Yeah, you know the older we get the more set in our ways I mean it's harder to be more Flexible hence why we need the closer we meet in alignment the greater chance we have for success You know, I think of some of my contemporaries, you know who got married uh in their thirties and made babies You know, they had they they were looking for a wife They were looking for the mother their children and their whole relationship is built on raising babies being a family Even Matthew Hussey just got married and I'm sure he's going to be raising making babies and raising a family For those of us in midlife. It's a whole different ball game. We have fully curated lives. We have families. We have medical conditions I mean it is so much harder. That's one of the reasons why folks I think I appeal to the midlife demographic is I get it. I've been divorced I've had two significant Relationships after my divorce. I get the whole dating marketplace and I'm telling you it's a fucking You know, it's it's a clusterfuck out there. It's a mess And if anybody tells you otherwise, they are full of shit And I speak from personal experience It is not easy, but the most important journey you have coming back to that post is the journey you have with yourself This is why I'm such a big advocate for loving on yourself and healing your childhood wounds and promise You're not familiar with the book the Hoffman process That link below I highly recommend reading this book This is a great book to heal your childhood wounds and adult trauma So you don't fall into the pattern of giving your power away to a man Who's going to be really a busy and avoid you like the title says All right, she speaks What kind of man sabotages your first holiday together on day one? He gifted me his true colors angry and I left without a word. Well, I'm sorry to hear you experience that I'm a broken man An emotionally constipated a man a man who's not capable of commitment He was a man who only wanted connection and the minute it became more than he could emotionally Like by the way most men's capacity to emotionally handle to emotionally Meet someone is predicated by how solid the ground underneath them is both in their physical logistical emotional and spiritual world So that's the kind of man that did that to you and I'm sorry that happened to you that really sucks Kathy goes on to say I was just seeing this guy now. He's acting weird. I'm confident woman. I do a lot of meditation on myself He is him and I am me. He is now mirroring me with his own insecurities He's mirroring me with his own insecurities saying I'm insecure Yeah, it just sounds like he's a like an emotionally wounded guy that doesn't have a capacity to lean into A deeper relationship. I'm sorry you're experiencing that Kelly, but thank you for sharing um All right, let's keep going Melissa How by the way folks if you have a question write the word question and post the question thereafter Come on. Our goal is to get 50 dollars tonight. We need 20 more dollars to get there. So let's send some love Okay, um, melissa says how does your intuition and spiritual development help us with uncovering Attractions to bringing compatible partners in our lives. It would be great if you would touch on this topic and mention How does our intuition and spiritual development help us uncover attractions? Well, I think our spiritual barometer helps us recognize when we're feeling aligned with another person or Align, that's I think your intuition kind of tells you so The the tricky part is our ego wants to be loved. Okay our ego wants to be loved Our spirit doesn't need love from someone else So if someone is excessively giving you love and you're deficient in love Your ego is going to be accepting that and your intuition isn't going to be involved when you are spiritually Aligned with yourself and you are aligned with your intuition. I highly recommend reading the book Gary Zukoff's book called spiritual partnership a journey through authentic power when you've I when you've tapped into your authentic power folks My relationship with marie ended five and a half months ago I haven't gone any needy as I'm allowing my intuition My center to really drive the bus right now And I by the way, I fully believe this is I'm going to be candid with you all maybe I'm a little bit I don't need I only need to go on one date That's it one date and what I mean to say is I only need to meet one more woman in my life To go the distance now Is it a guarantee? No, but I am trusting My inner guide to do the work for me. I don't need to I don't believe in listen I know a lot of dating coaches will tell you go on one date a week, you know Just keep going out on date after date after date after date after date. That is fucking exhausting Oh my god, that is so fucking exhausting to go out with one person after enough That's simply like a telemarketer going. Let's get the phone book out. Let's dial this phone number Let's dial this phone number. Let's dial this phone number. Let's dial this phone number. Let's dial this phone number This is a lot of my contemporaries are recommending date after date after date. I'm I want to get you so attuned To knowing who you really are who's really compatible with you Who's really right for you? And if you need some support with that schedule a discovery call with me I'm here to encourage less dating and more tapping into your authentic power Gary Zucca the journey to authentic power Is this sinking in please let me know Uh virginia says I need someone who wants to travel with me. Okay virginia. Virginia said I will give you a man that's Communitive expressive kind commitment oriented and the only thing he does it needs a handsome and you guys have great sex But the one thing he can't do is travel. Will you pass that guy up? I Think we should let go of some of those Tribule things for the more important things. That's just anyway how I feel um Kathy says I feel the same way jonathan. I'm ready to meet the one billy holt Communication is everything Sadly most humans are very poor at communication. I highly ladies you are no fucking picnic at communication either Just because you say the words communication and just because you have a propensity to vomit motions and feelings Most of you do a poor job. I highly recommend reading the book non-violent communication by marshal rosenberg If you want to be seen heard and understood and by the way guys should be everything I say is by the way I'm an equal opportunity Judger of bad behavior men are just as bad women are just as bad You guys are all just as bad at this shit. Don't think otherwise Hey, I want to give vivian props for the four dollar super sticker. That means we collected 34 night That means we're 16 dollars away. I'd love some more love Um Kathy said would you pass up a woman if she has an anxiety? well I think there are two types of people people that have anxieties that rear up on occasion And then I think of people who live in anxiety if someone who's constant state of anxiety It probably would fuck with my chi. I'm just being candid with you I don't know I don't know but if someone's in a constant state of anxiety They probably need to do a bit more personal development work. I suspect okay But if it's a mild case of of anxiety anxiousness on occasion I mean, I'm no different although according to taiz gibson She says I'm better suited with somebody who's a fearful avoid a secure attachment style with a little bit of fearful avoidant than being anxious Okay, but that's what I've been told If you want to join on the hot seat. I just posted a link in the chat box Kelly says when a man When a man truly wants you wanted you you wouldn't need to chase exactly You don't by the way two people that want each other don't need to chase each other Let me say that again Two people who want each other don't need to chase each other. I mean that's just as easy as it comes Billy says I know I'm a I know I'm bad. I'm a writer not a talker I think and think guys don't understand that I guess I'm not easy You know, it's interesting. I met a woman who wrote these beautiful emails to me beautiful emails to me And then we were together. She was silent and I mean it was like boring as fuck to be with her I got to be candid with you. She wrote these A beautiful emails and then I was like trying to get her to communicate and it was like I realized we were a complete mismatch I think she'd be better served with a guy made. I think they'd be better served in a text She's better served with a guy who's not verbally expressive like me and she's probably better to be with a guy who's a texter That's not who I am. Um, but when you shared that Billy had made me think of that. So, um um Maria says Merry Christmas to Jonathan the bachelor and bachelorette Hey, Cecilia is in the house Hi, Jonathan. Hi everyone. You got the rock star sunglasses on Yeah How are you Jonathan? Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays Merry Christmas. I'm very happy to be with you everyone Especially you Jonathan. Thank you so much for a wonderful All right, so Cecilia You've been commenting commenting commenting on videos and I have no fucking clue what you're talking about So Are okay first off are you married? Yes or no? To a polygamist So, right you're married to to somebody who's married to other people Yeah, he didn't tell me about we were going to be just and how long have you been married to him? Since april April of this year. Are you getting a divorce? I probably can just get an annulment. So I have documents to Divorce, but I'm gonna try to get an annulment Okay, so um and now are you flirting with some other man because you keep talking about a man And feelings who the hell is this guy you're talking about? Well, um two years ago um I was told by my cousin who had never met before That he wanted me to find him a girlfriend and we had Kind of like a friendship like a platonic relationship But then last christmas. He says I wanted you to be my girlfriend and for us to get married Okay So So have you been seeing him? Have you been seeing him physically? No Okay, have you had sex with them? No So do you communicate via text messaging? One-sidedly What does that mean one-sidedly? The last time he communicated with me was last month and it was just a cold and dry communication about A transaction that we were having for a kitchen that he wanted me to he wanted me to Save money up for him to make kitchen or remodel the kitchen at my home Okay Okay, it was just about that All right. So what's your why do you follow my channel and what's your what's your question for me? well He and I have had a lot of feelings for each other sexual of course But when it comes to communicating Um, it's almost felt like he's been lying to me. You can't tell when he lies or so tells the truth So when I listen to your channel, it helps me to Kind of understand Where I just don't have to go through too far Into my feelings with him Okay, so do you love him? Yes or no? Yes, very much. Okay. So are you ready for some tough love? Yeah, yeah, I mean are you sure this is christmas, you know, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the Grinch for a moment Oh, I'm I have a very Very strong uh inner critic. So I'm yeah, I'm fine. Okay. You haven't strong inner critic, but do you have thick skin? No, I don't have thick skin. Uh, I like to make I like I'm a composer I'm a scientist too, but uh, but it's okay. It just means that you're gonna handle the criticism I'm gonna give you so first off you are in what's known as artificial intimacy with this man You haven't physically met him connected with him. So when you say you have all these feelings These are false feelings because they're not based on any real time spent together as I say Repeatedly it takes another Last year we did spend a lot of time together Last year last year last year was 365 days ago when last year because you just said you re okay So you got married in april to somebody. No, I'm not thinking about my ex-husband not anymore Wait, wait, you just told me you're married Yeah, you said you you got married in april and you're still married Uh, it's it it was not a conventional marriage. We never met in person I'm gonna have an annulled preferably if not divorced. Okay. So wait, wait, see Okay, let me be clear here Yeah, uh Wait gg The world would be a boring place without her. Okay. So let me be clear Yeah, um, you you married a man That you never met Yeah, we had communication. Is he in prison? No, no, he's he's a worker. Okay. So where does he live? Well, right now he lives in dubai I don't want anything to do with him though. Okay. So how did you two physically get married? Oh, we went to um I used distant marriage.com and we had our ceremony Yeah, it was nice. Oh my god. This is news to me. Oh my god Yeah, okay so When was the last time you got laid? Mmm Uh, that was like four years ago with my, um A boyfriend that I had and we we're gonna live together, but we didn't we lived in it I'm sorry, but sometimes you just can't make this shit up I mean you need to be on a reality show really You know what I can't give you conventional advice because what you're doing Is most likely there is an emotional wound within you That makes you gravitate to relationships that are are really um almost fantasy type relationships And so I I highly recommend that you see a psychologist a psychiatrist a therapist And really work on your stuff because I suspect you are really just Living most likely in some sort of delusional state Because of your choice. These are purely based on the choices And the way you've communicated in previous messages. I'm not saying this I'm not a professional mental health professional, but I would say I'm gonna say everybody else would most likely agree with me. You highly need to seek somebody for professional care Yeah, because of your choices Um, but then again, you know what? Who am I to say you can't live in the delusion? Okay? That's the thing The advice I would give somebody. I know Um, but whom I to judge your choices. So I'm not here to judge it, but I'm here to say You're going down rabbit holes that aren't going anywhere Okay, I like that. Um the three of my Deepest relationships were people that had bipolar Schizophrenia and some other type of delusion. Let me ask you a question. What's the definition of insanity? Doing things over and over again and thinking it's gonna change No doing the same thing over and over again So you literally said I have a habit of choosing bipolar schizophrenic this that so maybe make new choices And maybe have relationship dated maybe date face to face for a while So you can determine this stuff a lot sooner rather than later That's that's a thing. It's just that since I still have feelings for my cousin I'm thinking of just letting things pass Yeah, um Okay, because if I go to another relationship another I might just Cecilia I want to give other people a chance to jump in I've given you my recommendation I'm sending you off with a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug. I'm sending you happy holidays I'm wishing you a better 2024 and I truly hope you go seek medical attention Because it is clear to most likely me and everyone else watching you probably need a bit of love from a professional, okay? Uh, huh. Okay. Thank you. I actually have g uh general anxiety disorder. That's what my doctor said Okay, well work on that. I was I was diagnosed I was diagnosed with a real anxiety disorder Uh, well, you know, Cecilia has been following me for quite some time. She posts comments on a regular basis I think, um, it takes a lot of bravery to join us live. So we got to give her a lot of props for that So let's give her some props a few people think she's cute, but I also think Um, she's she's a perfect example of people that live in a a world in their head and not really A day in day out relationship. Hey, we've got travel grab goddess that just gave us a $50 super sticker big hugs and thank you So she says I'm being intentional with my dating practice for the first time at age 58 I ended a date in 10 minutes last week and I'm going on one date A week until I meet the right guy. Thanks for your coaching call. You're very welcome. Oh My pleasure big hugs to you. I'm so grateful. I've been able to be a support person in your life And thanks for that $50. We appreciate the love Rebecca writes question part one of two. I want to go back to the statement you made regarding Leslie and golden bachelor Uh, I thought you said she should not be talking about her past relationships negative. Okay, let me see the next part two Okay, um, there's not a part two yet, but I'll wait for that Wait for that You know, maybe Maybe the the tv abc hyper focused on it, but they she talked about I don't Here's the thing if you continually say you've been hurt And it's an ongoing narrative that means you haven't healed from it. You can simply say hey, I was hurt once I've healed from it But the she talked about it incessantly on the show. Oh, well, I wasn't less. Yeah, it was Leslie I just thought that was a big turnoff to me if you're talking about You're hurt incessantly. I think it's okay to say hey, I was hurt my past relationship I've grown and I've healed from and I moved on but there I mean I bet you we could accumulate multiple comments that she made about that and that's just a turnoff Does anyone agree with me on that if someone talks negatively about their past and they've been hurt They sound like a victim I'm not saying she is a victim or isn't a victim. I'm just saying it sounded too victimy and it was a turnoff to me And and she talked about it quite a bit. Oh, here's rebecca's part two I'm thinking she was being honest and open to him about her previous relationship. He shared his so she revealed hers Okay, there's a difference between but here's the difference Instead of saying I had a relationship that didn't work out the person Wasn't a right fit for me. Okay. That's sharing your past relationship. I have a habit of getting hurt I've been hurt a lot. I've been hurt a lot. I've been hurt a lot I've been hurt a lot. You don't need to talk about what you experience You just need to say I had a relationship. It didn't work out for either one of us I grew from the experience and that's all you need to say. That's my suggestion But she was being honest and transparent But it sounds like she's still in her wound See when someone is still in their wound and they haven't healed it It makes it very difficult for them to open up to someone new so um That's just my interpretation But how can it sound good? Well You know Had none of you know, okay. Have you all noticed that okay in the book conscious uncoupled? In the book conscious upcoupling, okay, I highly recommend this book by Catherine Woodward Thomas You don't need to say that you were okay. You could say hey, I had an experience That I didn't appreciate. Okay I had an experience. I didn't appreciate I was in a relationship with someone who couldn't fully commit or couldn't fully engage in the relationship And because of that I ended the relationship. Okay. That's just I mean that's saying the same Thing it's just saying it without the inflection that you're still if you're still talking about the hurt Okay, let me give you an example when my second most or my most significant relationship after my divorce ended All I could do was complain about her. I got hurt. I complained about her I got hurt. I complained about her and it took me a long time to get over that Now I don't need to complain about her say that I'm hurt I'm just and by the way, she didn't do anything wrong either. It's just I wasn't in a good space So when you take ownership on your part and you only focus on the ownership of your part You don't need to you don't even need to share the details of what happened You know what? I was in a significant relationship. We were misaligned with each other. It didn't work out and we moved on That's all you need to say. That's it Oh But he was a narcissist and he used me and he was a narcissist and he used me and it was a narcissist and he's used me And he was a bullpup by bipolar and he was borderline and he did all these negative things That's a turnoff folks. You don't need to express it. You were just misaligned with each other and it didn't work out All right Hey, we're coming up on an hour. Listen, it's christmas time. I can keep going But if you but I need some content from you guys Uh Okay, I need some content or you need to join me on the hot seat. We need some we need some love right now Lisa says victim mentality gets old after a while. It's a total turnoff. Exactly um Question is there any difference between fawning as a trauma response and a healthy expression of affection in intimate relationship When you're actively working on healing Hey google What is the term fawning mean? Here's the definition of fawning displaying exaggerated flattery or affection obsequious Okay, so I wanted to just for those that aren't familiar with the word So is there a difference between as a trauma response? You know I think when I I think in a healthy relationship, there's a good balance of Communication with one another it's not excessive when it becomes excessive. It's usually a lack within you Now that's okay if you're but if you're aware of it and you acknowledge it And you can temper yourself. You see if you can temper yourself Then you're probably in a good space Okay, but if you can't temper yourself if you don't have self-discipline then its chances are you need more work Okay, that would be my uh indication on that by the way. What is the hot seat power puff piggy says? What is the hot seat? This is to join me live, okay? um Okay, fawning was an automatic reaction power puff power puff piggy says fawning was an automatic reaction I'm getting better and better all the time. Okay, then you're working on it And as margaret says emotional regulation emotional regulation The more you work on yourself The less you need to be doing that as a trauma response because you're healing the trauma, but I think it's kind of like the tipping of the scales if the scale is too too much Then you probably need to back up and the scale is about right then you're probably okay Especially if you communicate with your partner as well um Melissa goes on to say it's part of a fight flight Freeze and fawn response after surviving trauma. Thanks, jonathan. I'm not an expert in this area So that's why um, I I think it's better to talk to a therapist that has more expertise like this um Penelope says, please don't stop well folks. We need some content here I need some really good rich content so we can talk otherwise. I'm I'm already peaked out Um All right, elizabeth's in the house. Sorry. I saw you posted earlier elizabeth now. We'll cover what you said A guy I met suggested sexually on the phone wait A guy I met gets suggestive sexually on the phone and I laugh along with it But it is this misleading Where should we meet for a second date? He came to my house party meet and greet Well, it's and most likely he's physically attracted to you and he's he's focused on the sex The question is are you guys having deeper conversations with each other? Are you asking them the radically honest questions that determine alignment? um guys who are overly sexual You know nine out of ten times. They are users or spenders So, um, you basically hold off on sex and see if he lasts 10 dates Um, but where should we meet for a second date meet at a meet it up while it's winter time But you can well at the beach here and I live overlooking the ocean. I'm very blessed Um, where can you meet? Um Where can you meet meet at a restaurant meet at a bar meet at a coffee shop? There's lots of places you can meet, you know Um, there's lots of places you can meet Hold on a second. I just want to share with you something Uh, bear with me Here's a view from my office tonight. This was the view from my this is uh a view from my office tonight In southern california So meet at the beach no meet at a coffee shop meet at a restaurant Meet at a bowling alley meet at a pool hall meet at a bar to watch a football game like i'm going to do shortly um Elizabeth says you're blessed to live by the ocean. I am very blessed folks You know, most of you know my significant relationship ended with marie and we lived together And I think you've noticed I haven't bad mouth her. I just said there was a misalignment between the two of us She felt the need to move on. I'm okay with it We barely got into any fights. I don't think we ever had a fight We had a couple disagreements with one another But and we had a very conscious uncoupling When a person has conscious uncouplings When they are clean in their past life Then they're more likely to be available in any future relationship And so, um, I think this is really important. That's why going back to leslie I just don't think she's still clean. I don't know. I mean, I don't know her personally So i'm just judging it based on few minutes of conversation. She had on a show Um, but that's my interpretation based on what I witnessed and again That's not accurate. That's basing it purely based on what they showed on television Um maria says meet at your house and invite all your friends. I like that idea great idea marie Maria, excuse me Oh, uh, wait first off mal get magla. Oh wait, hold on I just want to get big. I just want to give you a huge hug jonathan. Thank you so much margaret. I appreciate that. All right magda What does it does it? Mean when the man says need a break in deeper conversations during christmas time. We talk one month and we are exclusive Uh, it just means he doesn't want to talk to you during the holidays. It's too emotional Um, we talk one month and we are exclusive So I didn't hear you say you're dating for one month. Have you gone on a physical date with him? Have you had sex with him? If you've got physical dating you have sex with him and he doesn't he wants a break from deeper conversations during christmas time That's not a good sign. It's not a good sign. Anyway Um because a man who genuinely wants to be with you He wants to spend time with you during the holidays versus the other way around. That's just my interpretation based on that One of our facebook members says in your own experience What do you think most important area of your life to work on in order to attract and meet a great partner? You know lately. I've been thinking my physical health. I have gotten I need to get back into a physical Exercise routine. I'd like to drop 10 pounds. I live in southern california. I don't have six-pack abs So I'm already behind the eight ball. I'm just kidding. Um physical health is really important to me But that has nothing to do with a relationship, but I think it's about feeling good about myself Hmm Also, I want to get back into a better eating habits. Um I've been a little bit indulging After maria and I split up partially because we had a good routine in eating and I'm not on I've not got into a really good diet or routine for myself. Those are two areas. Um also working on On not chasing Someone to like me I still have a people-pleaser attitude and really staying in my vortex is really important to me as well So thanks for that question. I really appreciate it Um Melissa Jackson says great tips. Look up look up info about runner and chaser dynamics on the net It's about the push pull avoidant anxious attachment dynamic. I believe me. I'm quite familiar with that Kathy's in the house Is it a good thing to be completely transparent as you are on a second date? He has been The one to initiate it Well, I don't believe that you divulge your entire life on a second date But I think if it's material to the relationship, I think it's important to be continually If it's material to another human being and you guys are exploring a relationship together Then it requires being more transparent. For example, if you had herpes I don't think you need to tell someone on a second date, but then again, wouldn't that you know, this is okay Let's use that as an example Would you rather know want to know five minutes before you have sex with someone? They have herpes or would you want to know it before you go out with them? I mean, those are tricky subjects to want to know about right? So When is it should you be transparent if it's material to a relationship with someone? I think it's important to be transparent I I'm online dating and I have a few men asking to meet me I'd like to meet four of them, but can't meet all of them in one week. How do you explain that to the men? I'm a big believer of only talking to one person at a time And dating one person at a time. That's just me. I just don't have the bandwidth now That's if they are physically wanting to meet you then meet one of them You know say, hey, I'm tied up for a couple days. Meet that person Then meet the next person, you know, like I mean you have to decide that for yourself I can't really tell you how to manage your time But what you say to them just say I'm not available until a couple days And by the way, usually when a woman tells me that that usually tells me she's flirting with other men And I lose interest in the process. I'm because I'm only devoting myself to one person at a time That's just the way I operate. I just feel like it's cleaner. It's healthier for me But everybody's got to do what's right for them How do you deal with triggers in a relationship? How do you tell your partner you buy this book? Where's the book? You buy the book non-violent communication. Oh, here's another great book. Um Because this talks about triggers as well hold me tight Hold me tight by sue johnson another great book to talk about what triggers you and how to communicate to your partner Those are a couple things I recommend Uh tati says how do I get over the reluctance to restart on the dating apps? I used to be on the apps for several years with no results. Okay. Here's what I would do Um, I'm on bumble. I'm on hinge And I I make it a habit I bought I paid extra to only see who swiped on me. So I only I only I don't go on the app. I just look at who's already swiped on me So that's what I would recommend and then it takes all the pain out of swiping You know just focus on the people who've already swiped on you um lulu says I had been on and off with a guy who I met that over than two years ago He always want to come and see me after work, but I don't like last minute things. He didn't say He said don't worry about your looks Okay, thanks for sharing that with us appreciate it Rebecca's back in the house Maybe consider personal. Did you ever consider doing the sign thing on the beach like your son did to meet people? Yeah, um I don't know maybe my son and I are talking about doing man on the street kind of thing. So um Maybe might be a good idea All right, Elizabeth's back now. So my god I literally just pulled the book nonviolent communication the others I have nearby our emotional intimacy in the Hoffman process. What do you recommend? I read first By the way, I love the book emotional intimacy By the way, the first book you should read is what the heck the self-love anyway. Um You know what I would read first and it's not in the list there I would read the untethered soul by michael singer the untethered soul by michael singer This is a great book to learn how to talk to the voices in your head all the links below to get a copy of the book I recommend Hey folks, you know what? I'm gonna go head off and go watch some football This has been a lot of fun to hang out with you during the holidays. Oh, Elizabeth. I read that already Then read nonviolent communication um Folks, I'm gonna go off and go watch the ravens, uh, san francisco game. I'm gonna go over to a bar to Have a margarita watch a little football. It has been a blast to hang out with you during Christmas I'll be back tomorrow night. I'll think of a good topic to talk about Is he avoiding me or is he really busy go back and watch the beginning if you want to get the answers to that I just want to wish everybody Happy holidays happy. By the way folks if you didn't know I bought an ugly sweater Christmas sweater, but they they sent me the wrong size. I ordered large and they sent me small I could barely put this on So I hope you found value in our conversation tonight if you did please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if you did please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos I'm gonna um. Oh by the way. Yes, it sucks the chief's loss today I'm like what the heck happened to them Not that the raiders played great the chiefs just gave the game away Um, and I didn't see what happened to the eagles. Wait a minute. Let me just see what happened to the eagles Um, did they win or lose? Oh, they won. Okay everyone. I want to wish you a super duper wonderful Uh, Christmas and we'll have more to come in the next couple days I'm gonna sign up with because I'm myself a big gigantic child of the bear I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone pet a teddy bear pillow and give inner them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank rebecca and vivian and amanda and holly and sandi and melissa and kathy and margaret and jt and lindsay and melissa and elizabeth and barbara and Karen and marsy and cestillia. Thanks for being on billy lynn holt lulu Rita Let's see who else jt lindsay everyone big hugs. Thanks for being on Take care. Have a great wonderful fantastic evening. This has been a