 From Hollywood transcribe my friend Irma name is Jane, and I have a roommate named Irma Just the other day. She was saying to me Yeah, and I just love that saying all's well that ends So I said Irma you didn't finish it. You mean all's well that ends well Yes, you're right. It's all's well that ends well when you begin with ends colorful tablets Yes, Irma has the right idea because everybody who wants complete protection from odor offense sooner or later Ends up with ends America's most popular chlorophyll tablets E N N D S ends chlorophyll tablets stop triple O orders of body orders of breath other odor offense Stop all three all at the same time keep you fresh as a daisy all day all over it's amazing But one or two tiny ends tablets dearly are all you need to stop triple O Oh, oh, oh and stop triple. Oh Now ends the really effective chlorophyll tablets are proud to present your favorite comedy show Created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma and Kathy Lewis Jane in my friend Irma Oh, so come on get out of there. Come on. Oh, please. Give me five minutes more. Oh the water feels so good What is water made out of water? Well h2o hydrogen oxygen. Oh, what they give you when you have trouble breathing. Yeah, that's right I'm so glad you told me a friend of mine has asthma. I think I'll send him a bottle of water Why don't you test it first just duck your head under and breathe deeply for five minutes? Oh, I can't I just had my hair done or my Get out of that top now and get dressed. I'll straighten the living room. All right I'll get into my robe. I'll close the door Jane chili. Okay, you know this tea Mrs. O'Reilly is giving for all her friends is the biggest social event of her life Her brother just got back from Africa and he's gonna tell us all about everything What's the matter? Come here. Are you hurt? What's the matter the friendship ring Al gave me? Yes? I left it on the sink and what I went to get it it slipped down that drain. Oh You frightened me to death over nothing nothing Jane. I've worn that ring for six years It's a piece of junk. I have heard of gold rings and gold plated rings and gold filled rings and gold painted rings and Imitation gold but brass what it was made of that ring to me represented love and I can't stand here and watch my love Go down the drain Please Jane help me get it out. Honey. How am I going to get it out of that narrow little pipe? Don't we know anybody with a long skinny hand? Oh We're on the third floor that ring is liable to be any place. That's terrible Somebody in this building uses a water. It's liable to wash my ring down to the river. I must prevent that What are you doing? Or hope it's not too late. Oh Irma stop making a fuss you can easily get another ring like that When we buy a chicken at the butchers, we'll take the band off the leg and scratch out the words freshly killed Well, you know that ring that Al gave Irma it fell down that drain what that can't do any harm I think it belongs in the plumbing To me it's always looked more like a washer than a ring Yes, professor, I think so the man from the phone company left a long piece of wire here yesterday. It's right in this closet Oh, I hope no one is using the water. Does this look long enough? Who knows wait? I'll bend the end into a little hook Okay, let's go fishing I haven't got the least idea the way the plumbing in this building has been fixed for years Connected disconnected terrain twisted. Who knows what goes where? But we'll see you've got over 20 feet in there. It should be past the Martin's apartment. Yeah Past Mrs. O'Reilly's and baby near the basement Do you feel anything yet? No, no, and that hook would grab anything in the way Janey Mrs. O'Reilly your white what's wrong Janey? I was in my bathroom washing me false eyelashes when a long black thing came out of the faucet grab me eyelashes out of me Stick around Mrs. O'Reilly, I'm reeling in well look we caught two baby actor person Those are me eyelashes and don't be funny. What's going on here anyway? I dropped the ring. I'll get me down the drain and I'm afraid someone will wash it down to the river Well, I'll send for a plumber, but you'll have to pay the bill Will you shut the water off until he gets here shut the water off? But I'm giving a tea in an hour, and I have to get myself all prettied up and a girl needs to drop it to a water a Draper to you All the water in the Hoover Dam wouldn't help you Look how many different colored streaks of red you got in your hair. What do you do? You paint that through a Venetian blind? Look who's talking while your skinny mongoose I Don't see why you have to use wire to get down in that pipe if you just pull your ears in you could go through it yourself I've never asked too much you're there, but if you if you like me just a little you'll shut the water off Well, this is a terrible time to ask me, but all right. I'll shut all the water up for a half hour Oh, thank you, but mind you plumber or no plumber It goes on in half an hour because I've got company coming and you're only giving me 30 minutes to make me self-attractive And I don't think that's fair neither do I How can she straighten out in 30 minutes what I took her 70 years to wrinkle up? Come on miss O'Reilly, I'll go down to the basement and shut off the water with you Every so often you say something gentlemanly do do you want me to go with you? Yes, there are no lights down there. It's very dark. Oh Oh, is it yes, doesn't that give you any ideas? Yes, why don't you hold the party down there and go the way you look now All by ten minutes why funny when the water's around you don't miss it, but when it shut off Just your imagination forget about it. All right. How can the human body go without water? I'd all depends you see the human body is 90% water Wish you were somewhere I could squeeze myself I'm thirsty. Oh, Irma. Would you stop that? You're just building this thing up in your mind because the water is shut off It is We have any soda or coke around No, you're getting thirsty me. Oh, no, I don't think I'm 90% water when I walk. I don't hear anything splash Now stop talking about it. You're getting me that way Turn the radio on all right doesn't take our minds off it. Yeah He cursed the day he came to Death Valley He lay in the sun his throat parched His lips cracked screaming mother mother Turn off that radio You don't have to yell. Let's not have another word about water Oh, that was who was screaming mother mother Irma. Will you finish getting dressed? I can't I think I'm getting weak Come on honey. Get your mind off of it read a book. Oh, here's one not the Desert Fox Peterson if you hadn't dropped that down rain down the drain maybe that's a plumber Come on. I'm sorry girls, but I won't be able to get a plumber until tomorrow. I'm not going to the party I won't leave here until I get my ring. I'm a darling We called every plumber in the neighborhood and believe me. They are not easy to get Do you realize how much a plumber makes an hour? And for a small job they don't like to get off their yachts Even told one plumber my head was caught in the washing machine Yeah, and he said just make her comfortable. It's set for two rinses I don't care. You people don't know what that ring means to me. That is the symbol of our love Al gave it to me the first night we met. I know honey. Oh, I'll never forget it I had gotten a job as a hostess in a dance hall Oh, you know 10 cents a dance and Al was my first customer. I still have his IOU I was doing a rumba, but we got on famously and you're both still doing the same step Yeah, and then he walked me home through central park and all the time We just kept staring at each other. Oh blinded by love It must have been that because we both walked right into the lake Now when we got home he gave me the ring And you expect me to go out in a half hour to be gay I mustn't take this girl to see betty davis anymore. It's doing things to her Ms. Arale, you and the professor better get down to your apartment. I'll be there when your brother arrives Come on miss Arale. Well, by the way after your brother finishes his talk on africa Are you going to serve refreshment? Well, yes, I baked some cherry tarts You baked them Well, your tarts can be america's answer to africa's poison darts Triple O more and more folks are learning this vital fact every day In fact right now in the drug store a man asks Can you give me really effective protection against triple O odors of breath odors of body and other odor offense? I've never found any old-fashioned deodorant that could take care of all three Yes ends chlorophyll tablets stop all three at the same time stop triple O It's the new safe and pleasant way to stay fresh as a daisy all over all day long But how about these cheaper chewing gum or candy products? They contain chlorophyll too But look at any of them. Nowhere does the label state how much chlorophyll it contains while you're right Now look at the ends label it states very clearly that ends contain 100 milligrams of daritol chlorophyll A fully effective dose. That's why only one or two tiny ends tablets a day stop triple O Stop all three odor offenses all day long Oh, oh, oh ends stop triple O But don't expect such long lasting results against triple O from cheaper chewing gum or candy substitutes that contain so little chlorophyll Ends are so effective because they start acting instantly inside the body where odors begin So for pennies a day, you get ends longer lasting protection They're pleasant tasting and safe as any garden vegetable get E N N D S ends chlorophyll tablets Oh, oh, oh ends stop triple O Trial size ends only 49 cents a drug cart is everywhere larger sizes even more economical And now back to my friend Irma. Oh must you bother me on your day off? Or something I must ask you we'll make it snappy my wife and I are just sitting down for some cribbing And if you tell me it goes well with corned beef, I'll kill you I want your problem. Well six years ago. My boyfriend gave me a friendship ring and I just dropped it down the sink Well, what about it? Well, you have a lot of rich friends. Do you know any plumbers? What you see that ring meant the world to me. Why is it gold? No, is it platinum? No silver No bronze no copper. No. Well, will you give me a hint or do I have to go all the way down to paper? Made up doesn't matter it dropped down the drain and mrs. O'rally wants to turn the water on isn't there some way we can stop her No, miss peterson as I see this pathetic case. We have only one legal step within our power What's that? We can sue the drain pipe for alienation of affection Fine, please don't make jokes about it. Can't we get an injunction? Of course not. Well, how about a corpus christi? A what? Or a red omnibus A red omnibus. Yeah, you don't mean a rift of mandamus. Do you? I've been working in a law office six years and I still can't remember those spanish words Mr. Clyde you're an authority What can we get my dear girl? I will tell you what we can get we can get a rift of transportation Who that's wonderful. What is it? That is a legal document which allows two men in white coats to take you back to the institution from which you escape Jane I'm here. Oh, well, I'm glad you got my message. Did you bring another ring for erma like the one she lost? Oh, I'm sorry. Jane couldn't pick up another now. Don't tell me they're that expensive. Oh, no. No, you see It wasn't really a ring. It was a brass fitting from a milking machine and they have discontinued the model My mother got it from the county farm. She was doing a strike um visiting That's just great. Now. What am I going to do? She won't go to mrs. O'Reilly's party. No, kid. No You mean to say my chicken won't go anywhere's while my ring is still in the pipe Oh Boy, what devotion you know, you couldn't find a dog that loyal I'm getting to believe it too. I think I'll take her next week for rabies shot Imagine loving a guy so madly I guess I got more than meets the eye Back some of it meets the nose What is that cologne you're wearing? Oh, you like it? It's um, it's french Ow, bouillabaisse is to be eaten not worn Chicken these is the tragedies that before many young lovers try and get the ring out Oh, I can't chicken my pal mushy's been arrested for theft and I have to be a witness Mushy was arrested. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they caught him walking out of a supermarket with a live chicken under his coat And even though he threw the bird away think they're going to convict him on circumstantial evidence See they found a hot egg in his pocket So long chicken Come on arm. It's time to go to mrs. O'Reilly's you'll have fun honey, and you'll forget about the ring Nothing doing. I'm going over to the library. Maybe they'll have a book on plumbing. Goodbye Well, mrs. O'Reilly, this is quite a crowd. Is that Patrick the explorer over there? Yes, doesn't he look wonderful? It's hard to believe he's 68 68 Must be a great thrill after all these months to welcome back your kid brother Cut it out. He's older than I am Look, let your brother tell the wild tales not you Who are all these people? Oh, I have friends mrs. O'Reilly. Oh, jainy darlin. We're zermatt Oh, I can't do anything whether she's out now trying to get a book on plumbing mrs. O'Reilly, you look just wonderful. What a beautiful dress. Well, thank you I had it made especially for this tea I hardly had time to get it away from the dressmaker I don't think you made it from the back. It looks like she's still in it Now cut it out. That's a bustle and it's the newest thing Well, come on mrs. O'Reilly now. Let's have it. Who are all these people? Well, that one over there in green. That's the widow Johnson She come into a fortune in aisle Really? Yes, her husband got hit by a refinery truck and she collected insurance Who's that sporty-looking guy over there? Oh, that's McGonigal You know, he's the baker who invented the donut with a large hole So you can put your two fingers through it for people who like to dunk and hold a cigarette at the same time Who's that very distinguished looking gentleman the one with the white vest and gold chain? Oh, that's one of me boars Flanagan. He thinks I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen Isn't he the one with the thick glasses who just walked into the wall? Shut up. He tripped Well, I think I'll serve tea now and then we'll sit around and listen to my brother's adventures in Africa Professor you can help me hand out the cookie. Oh, sure and I'll call up the construction company and tell them to send over a derrick Like a This is a library Oh, I'm sorry. Have you got a book on plumbing? Have you tried looking under p? No, I've been looking under b Under b. Yes, you see. I lost my ring in the bathroom Oh Well, I'm sure there's a plumber's manual What are you doing here? While at a new boyfriend jokes about a man who sells frogs legs Well, my family didn't they met him the other night. What did they say that we should both croak Oh, I dropped the friendship ring. I'll gave me down the drain. Oh, I don't think mrs. O'Reilly can sue you I'm getting a book on plumbing. I'll have to say goodbye violet Let's get together some night for dinner Plumber is indeed one of great skill. Oh, no, that's not the part I want to see you. Oh, here it is Um in old buildings It is often difficult to trace the path of the original plumbing However, by tapping on a pipe gently one may discover the location of an obstruction or object It is important not to tap too hard or a broken pipe may result Now where's my hammer? I simply must find a delicious mrs. O'Reilly. Well, thank you, Janie And now we're ready for the lecture and waiting till you hear patrick talk He's so exciting. You'll imagine you're right there in africa. All right patrick. We're ready Hey, koh and good afternoon ladies and gentlemen I have just returned from the land of the obangies and pygmies So naturally it's nice to see my sister again Well, thank you patrick not at all my dear. I have just returned from a three-month trip into the heart of africa I was with an expedition looking for ivory That reminds me where's urma? Well, she couldn't make it. I think she's working on some uh irrigation project Let us continue Never in my life have I known such terror has shocked us in the jungle especially at night The death frightening silence and in the distance the beaten of the tom-toms Glory be I can almost hear them. It's so realistic And then and then in the sky out of nowhere The flash of lightning and the sudden downpour of rain And more rain Mrs. O'Reilly look. You're an african queen. There's a brass ring on your nose And jay we'll be back in a moment, but first stop triple Yes, and here's proof in an amazing scientific odor test eight out of ten men and women stopped or definitely reduced triple Oh with ends stopped odor of body stopped odor of breath stopped other odor of ants Executive secretaries clerks even factory workers at 110 degree heat took ends chlorophyll tablets Results from hundreds and hundreds of examinations were astounding working inside the body where odors begin ends actually prevented Unpleasing odors from forming stopped all three odor offenses. Oh, oh, oh and stop triple Yes ends keep you fresh as a daisy all over all day long You get more complete longer lasting protection against triple O than from any old-fashioned body deodorant toothpaste So mouthwash and ends are so much easier to use and safe as any green vegetable Pleasant tasting ends contain 100 milligrams of fully effective dose of daritol chlorophyll So beware of cheaper chewing gum or candy substitutes that contain so little chlorophyll Or that fail to state their chlorophyll content on the label always insist on ends chlorophyll tablets Oh, oh, oh and stop triple That's emnds ends trial size ends only 49 cents larger sizes even more economical And if you folks got plumbing you want done you just call herma peterson Because believe me she's gonna have to make some extra money to pay for what she's done to our place in the mrs. O'Reilly's You think she's worried not at all Not at all She's got her ring back You know, it just burns me up the way she carried on about something. It isn't even a real ring I think i'll tell her the truth Irma yes jane honey You might as well know the truth that piece of junk that al gave you is not a ring It's a brass fitting from a milking machine How could you say that it's even engraved on the inside right there inside? Oh, honey, I didn't know that Read what it says To set for three quarts turn to there she goes crying again You know between her tears and the leaking pipes I'm going to be ready to swim the english channel next summer if I go on living with my friend My friend Irma is a sigh hard production and is directed by park levy who writes a script with stanley adams Pat Burton is associate producer Marie wilson is tired as Irma and kathy lewis as jane The part of al was played by john brown Hans konried was heard as professor kropotkin Gloria gordon as mrs. O'reilly and ellen reed as mr. Clyde the music was under the direction of led bluskin Tired-looking eyes can ruin your appearance make you look unattractive doll So don't take chances when eyes are red weary from lack of sleep glare driving get eye gene Two soothing drops in each eye float away that tired eye feeling at once Eye gene is like a prescription contains lexatol acts as a tonic for the eyes safe gentle, too Get eye gene e y e g e n e tonight Use it daily for bright attractive eyes trial size only 25 cents larger sizes even more economical Eye gene at drug counters everywhere Our fighting men in korea need your help Thousands of lives have been saved on the battlefield through the prompt use of blood plasma Make an appointment to give a pint of blood to your local red cross chapter as soon as possible Be with us next Sunday at this time when ends america's most popular chlorophyll tablets again bring you my friend irma Carl caruso speaking My friend Irma was transcribed this is the cbs radio network