 Let's talk about deep insecurities. The kind that press down on your shoulders and that fog up your vision like some cheap contact lenses that altered the way that you see every social interaction. I want to talk about my deepest insecurity when it came to my career and how it's taken me five years to start to feel confident in this area and why I'm still not done. Furthermore, I want to share my quarterly strategy for overcoming deep insecurities one by one. And I also want to tell you that videos like this are only possible with the support of Squarespace. Well, 2024 has arrived. And yeah, it's time for a complete restructure. This year, Shan and I are embracing a new direction. Focusing on artistically stunning and engaging content, starting with Shan's website makeover. There's no better partner for this transformation than Squarespace, the proud sponsor of this video. Squarespace isn't just a sponsor for us. It's ideal for us and tailoring our brand and fit our unique needs and our desires. It stands as the ultimate platform for entrepreneurs looking to stand out and succeed online. With Squarespace, creating a captivating website is a breeze, allowing you to connect with your audience and know your audience with in-depth analytics. Plus, you can sell everything from products and content to time. Now, while I can go on and on about Squarespace's impressive capabilities, I'll save that for later. But if you're eager to explore Squarespace right now, for yourself, visit squarespace.com slash shambudy for a free trial. No credit card needed. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash shambudy to enjoy 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Enjoy the video. We'll talk soon. You might have heard of the story of Achilles, a prominent Greek mythological tale centered around a heroic warrior renowned for his strength and invulnerability. Except for his heel. According to the myth, his mother Thetis dipped him in this magical river. But she held him by the heel so for the rest of his life, which spoiler alert did not last that long. He had this weak spot. And although we know this is a myth, we also know people who will say, yeah, that's their Achilles when pointing out someone's shortcomings. And the problem that I have with this is it promotes the idea that we, especially our insecurities, are fixed forever. In 2016, the New York Times put out a hit piece against myself and other sex educators for well, not being all that formally educated. And while as a black and Indian woman, I do know better than to elevate myself without reinforcement. The truth was, without a university degree, my reinforcement was not thick enough. And boy, did people sure kick it. God bless her. She's so cute. I want sex advice from someone like Dr. Root. And this bothered me because A, I'm human and B, I love what I do. And I think I am damn good at it. And I want for people who feel the same way to have the kind of expert that they can champion, not one they have to constantly defend. So in my 30s, I started trying to figure out the school thing. I hired consultants, went on mentor lunches, spoke with some leaders in my industry, and the consensus was I didn't need a formal education. So why bother with the time, effort, and money? Did I mention time and money that it would take to get it? So with that, I let it go for a couple more years. And till I finally admitted that maybe this week, Ankle didn't bother everyone, but a sure as heck was bugging me. So in 2018, I enrolled in a bachelor's program at the State University of New York. And thanks to my prior post-secondary education, I was able to finish in two years. Through a pregnancy and a pandemic, yes, I did that. Then, since I was already in the flow of working full-time, mothering, and going to school, I decided to enroll in my Masters of Science in Psychology at Arizona State University. Now, it took me longer than the other students that I began the program with because I had some other things to tend to along the way. But in December of 2023, I completed this program and I did it with honors. Side notes, I didn't get to go to the commencement because of a schedule conflict. And although education is a place of pride for me, at this point in my life, it can't be my top priority. However, I did order all the fixing so I could celebrate this moment where my Achilles became an Accolade and I did it with my daughter's presence so they could see that the real magic is not in the absence of vulnerabilities. It is in the acknowledgement and the diligent strengthening of them, which often is not possible to tackle alone. And speaking of daring to do with the support of the people who love you, come check for me in 2029. And when you do, don't forget to say, doctor. Okay, little pause here, but let's just dive into why Squarespace is so impressive to me. First, their appointments feature has been a game changer for us. With our schedules being quite hectic, this feature streamlines our day-to-day management beautiful. And speaking of beauty, you've got to check out their fluid engine. It makes creativity so easy and it's accessible from your browser or even your phone. And are you thinking of selling products? Squarespace has you covered here too. They assist with everything from product design to production to inventory and shipping, plus their mailing list management and analytics tools are top notch. And the ease of designing and customizing your website is simply amazing. If any of this sparks your interest, visit squarespace.com slash shambudy to start your free trial. No credit card required. And when you're ready to launch, go back to squarespace.com slash shambudy to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Remember, that's squarespace.com slash shambudy for your free trial and 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Now enjoy the rest of this video. I want to share a story that has always stayed with me. A friend of mine was talking to a paralegal and the paralegal said to her informally, you know what? I love law. I've always wanted to be a lawyer. And my friend asked, well, why aren't you a lawyer? And then she said, well, circumstances in life and finances. And now, even if I did decide to start that journey, you know, I wouldn't even be practicing until I was like 50 years old. And my friend thought about it and said, well, aren't you going to be 50 anyways? Long story short, 10 years later, that person called her up and said, I want to let you know I am a practicing lawyer. And it was because of that conversation that we had. That stays with me and stayed with me and motivated me because when I first started on this path, I was already technically in my dream career. I was working full-time as a public-facing sex and relationship educator. I was being booked on TV shows. I had a beautiful community underneath me. I loved what I did. I was learning constantly. But there was this thing that was gnawing at me that said that there was a hole. And it didn't bother me because people punched it, but I also just truly want to be the best that I can at the work that I do. And if there's a systematic process that prepares people to be great, how could I ignore the fact that I could be greater if I utilize that system? So when I was having conversations with people about it, what kept really feeling so daunting and overwhelming to me was the here-to-here thought process. When I thought about the fact that I had a college diploma and I had certificates and I had experience, but I would have to go back and get that formal education and then start the process and then even then it could be from anywhere from six to 10 years before I even earned a title from all the work that I had done. It just felt overwhelming. But what I've realized in tackling this is oftentimes we feel like we're not going to reap the benefits of the work that we're putting in until we're at the finish line, until we're at the graduation. But the truth is every step of the way I have been fueled with so much strength and pride and confidence and it continues to grow. I think about that in another example, like when we think about weight loss and if someone's like, I have to lose 200 pounds, that number seems so, for lack of a better term, heavy and inconceivable and far out. But the truth is once you lose your first five in the right places and you start to feel healthier and better and that shirt that you love just sits a little bit better on you, you're already going to start to reap the benefits of the work that you're putting in. And I say that as somebody who is still probably six years out from completing this and even then who knows what happens at that point but in around 2029 or so maybe I'm going to be a psychologist, I'm going to be a licensed psychologist and a doctor and that's going to feel amazing but right now I'm a doctoral student and that really feels great too and the time is going to pass anyways. So why not do it at a pace that is conceivable for me to get started on my goal and to give myself that reassurance that if something bothers me, I'll look after it. As somebody who is a mom, that has actually been a great aha for me as well. As a parent, your job is to give your kids the confidence and knowledge and security that if something bothers to them, if something is important to them, that somebody is going to look out for their best interests. If they really want something, somebody is going to consider if it's possible or not. If something is harming them, somebody is going to do something to stop that or to put them in a path of safety and how many of us can say that we do that for ourselves? That we act as that adult, that figurehead who if something is really bothering us, we can rely on ourselves to step in and do something about it. Even though it's likely not convenient because if it was, you would have already fixed it. Even though it's going to take sacrifice and even though it can take some time but just that somebody has that kind of care for you. And the way that I've been practicing this for myself is actually a technique that I shared with you all years ago that I still do to this day quarterly. I make a list of three things in this exact order. Things I love about myself because gratitude is the right attitude. Gratitude is the holy grail. It is a secret ingredient. Gratitude is probably the difference between an unhappy and a happy person. Secondly, I write the list of things that I hate. Things that are just really bothering me right now. And then finally, I make a list of things that I'm neutral about. Things that maybe I don't necessarily love, I don't hate but they're just things that exist and there's some positives, some negatives to them and so I don't stress about them. And the goal of this exercise is to be able to examine these three things, look at that middle section and see if you can move it up or down. Underneath each point, I come up with a strategy to move that up to something that I love or down to something that I will come to accept. And that is an action item that is extremely important because it turns this problem point into an action point. And in either case, whether you have to accept it or you have to fix it, you are going to have to create an actionable item beside it. So if it's something that I have to accept, I have to attach a mantra or an affirmation so that whenever I do have the insecurity, I remind myself why. This is a necessary part of who I am right now or something that I can't afford to change so I have to learn to live with it. On the flip side, if it's something that I can do something about and I do have the bandwidth, I know what my next step is that I have to focus on. So if I have the thought that it's bothering me, it serves as a reminder to my to-do list, to my action item. And it's really beautiful because if you even look at that list that I have from years ago, there are so many things on that bother space that I have effectively been able to move into that I love space. And having a rolling record of this has just been a really beautiful experience for me to again to see actionably how I love and how I take care of myself. It's making me emotionally even just thinking about that. So yeah, I just wanted to share that all with you and share that you are now looking at somebody who has a master's degree. We started this journey together. If you've been in this YouTube journey with me, we've gone through so many phases together. We've gone through so many motions and emotions and times and to share this accomplishment with you really means the world to me. In the comment section below, I would love, especially some of my OGs out there, I would love if you shared something that you have recently transformed from insecurity to an accolade. Let's keep it going. I've been reaching client action.