 what's up YouTube just the needed podcast episode 143 and I'll be honest with y'all this last week was tough on your boy I haven't been this upset and the press is kind of the word probably since matinee 18 you know it hasn't been a while for me to be this bummed out for real and luckily for the podcast we get to talk about it boys I is to the point where I was it's a crossroads man and I'm definitely at a crossroads right now for myself and everything oh it's definitely it's always good vibes what's up boys what's up we got one tie this is the first time we've ever had one topic I'm good p dot trust me I'm good it's not a prayer for a situation anything like that we're good it's a lot of people doing a lot worse than me my man mellow with the year let's go your are yes super stat your are I am well I know I mean it's been a long it's not even a week it's been a long five days a really long five days you know that's right jay my that's right that's right it's been a really long five days my man Europe with five so there was the need a bowl I don't even know what else to talk about let's just get into my what happened because you guys have been asking me and we kind of talked about it a little bit we kind of talked about it a little bit during the weekend and uh but I'll talk about it from the beginning from everything that happened um if you guys don't know me um I am 34 years old I started playing Madden when I was 14 maybe I don't know but when I won my belt back in the prehistoric years I remember uh trying to I was never a nerd now I don't know what your nerd level is like my nerd level was zero like as far as technology and equipment and you know computers my my nerd level was I was a regular working human being if that makes sense I don't know what what is your nerd level mine was about a zero maybe a one right maybe I was a one on nerd level right my nerd level was never good never I was never smart well not smart I was always smart but I'm talking about like how computer-wise and technology and shit I was kind like chicoby's like a 15 let's be honest he's cap and he's a 15 I was definitely very low like as far as like videos or cool I didn't know what the hell I needed I remember that feeling but I remember knowing that you know what they people make money for streaming making content you know and I I kind of just got introduced to that in Madden 16 really it's like okay let me do what I have to do to do this and I had to go and figure it out I don't want to say on my own I always had friends especially once I won a Madden tournament everybody kind of wants to be your friend when you win a Madden tournament and that's when I met Tocque and CC and Skomo and stuff and they helped me a lot but my technology level was very low and as an old person and being the person I am I kind of I always said to myself what I have to offer Madden players and is that guidance that I kind of didn't have when I was 16 or in Madden 16 or 17 when I was you know 28 and 29 and stuff and that's kind of what needed gaming started as you know I don't have the money to be a super organization I don't have the sponsorships to be a super organization if you guys don't know me I did have and we'll get into that a lot more the um the tweets that I had in man or in 2011 where I was calling my friend a bunch of racial slurs I did have that and that has always been over my head rightfully because at the time and still now is super wrong you know we will get into that in a lot more detail but most people know that and I always take for granted that there's a lot of new people that don't know that but it is something that happened to me and it's something that I did I want to say something that happened to me is something that I did when I was younger and it's kind of the gross and inappropriate way that I used to joke with my friends and it's not how I live now and it's not how I will continue to live but that always has hung over my head um it's always stopped me from having the opportunities that other people have and I understand that you know it's and it's always going to be there and this week was a reminder that it's always going to be there and it's never going to go away and every time that happens to me it's a little bit depressing but I mean I I made this boat that I float in so I'm okay with that and I've been able to live with that but that's why I started my own group because I didn't have opportunities other people had and I remember having Echo Fox would talk Echo Fox was like they were like just looking for a whore that's it they were walking down the street looking for a whore right and this is when MCS was kind of popping man 1718 it was kind of popping so and so Echo Fox was looking for a whore on the corner they started with skimbo skimbo's price was too high for him so they didn't Echo Fox did not uh wind up uh let me say Echo Fox did not wind up talking to skimbo so then after skimbo they came to me now obviously me and skimbo we talk about everything so I knew that he was like no I don't want to be part of Echo Fox but then they're talking to me I'm like oh shit maybe a couple thousand dollars a month I'm excited and the best part for me it was always like damn a company really wants to work with me a company really does want to work with me right so I was super kind of excited like oh damn this is cool like I'm out of the I'm out of the forest of you know this stuff hanging over me that's kind of how I felt I made it to the clear but then you know a week later they told me they googled me or they found it and they don't want to deal with me so they were off my whore bandwagon and then they moved the joke and that's when joke assigned with the Echo Fox you know so that is when I kind of that was after Needed started Needed was kind of started man 17 and 18 and uh yeah so Echo Fox left me and then went the joke so I really never I I really never imagined myself being with any org because of this so I said you know what I'm going to make my own I was motivated I remember man 18 I remember them not putting me in the game right as a coach when I was like the biggest belt I mean it was skimbo and it was me as far as like the biggest belt winners and personalities and they did not put me in the game and that that hurt me and that that was like the same that feeling I had then was the same feeling I've had this week of like it's pointless you know what I'm doing is that never gonna work uh I I should just quit honestly that's the feeling I've had that week and it's the feeling I've had this weekend for really it really has been for the last five days of feeling like I should quit uh this is pointless really is the feeling I've had and um but at that moment I had a crossroads and that's when I just continue to invest in myself because I believe in myself and that's why we're at that's why we're here now you know because I continue to believe in myself continue to invest myself so back then Needed when I started it I said you know I'm we're going to be a group of friends that just work together and really try to motivate each other that's what is the most important thing about it and I remember I was blessed to have a fellow named Philly Ron who I haven't really talked to probably in three years I don't know if he ever pays attention to man anymore but Philly Ron helped me a lot you know when I first started content and in this community helped me a lot and then the best thing he did for me was when EA do a challenger in Philly in man 18 he brought me down he brought me down to Nerd Street and that's when I met Rob and that's when I met all the Nerd Street guys prior to the tournament you know like yeah I'm a guy that wanted them nice to meet y'all and at the time I'm like all right these dudes are fucking nerds they are nerds I'll be honest Rob is a nerd everybody in that building was pretty much a nerd but that is where I suck that was being a nerd it goes back to my zero so they uh meeting those guys and at the time Nerd Street was all about like community and like let's build up the Philly streamers and all that nerd stuff you know I I actually went to a Nerd Street streamer community meet-up went to one don't think I'll go back to another who knows what my life will be but I went to one it's good times um but anyway I was able to meet Rob and and that relationship uh him Steve and everybody my buddy Andre that works down there it's just got Griffin all these guys I you know saying and all the I meet all these guys and they teach me so much about producing and you know computers and all this stuff they're so mad I bought so mad I bought a pre-built computer and stuff so those guys always helped me and then uh so that is probably one of the best things Philly Ron ever did to me was introduce me to all those guys and uh so my goal was okay I'm a nerd now I know what it's like to be an absolute idiot in streaming but I want to stream you know and how can I help other people you know how can I help other people one add them to my team help grow my brand together and also help them stream and learn how to do it have the right equipment and all that stuff because I didn't know I didn't know how to do the shit and I learned slowly gradually buying a bunch of shit I didn't need you know how many microphones I bought at first I think I bought a microphone that plugged into my phone at first and thought it was it and I came home and it just didn't work but I learned all that stuff uh kind of the hard way and kind of through YouTube so I thought my my biggest asset was helping people stream and uh most of the people that were on my team were just my friends for the most part you know and when it first started I'll tell you uh I saw Clef in mad in 19 or eight one year when he started playing at the end right I want to say it was mad in 18 like the summertime like he was a june goon or whatever they call and I remember him watching him right I remember watching him and I always I always believe that Clef would be like the best streamer I thought he'd be the best mad player I always believed that um and I told him that that mad in 18 I said listen dude and I remember him asking in a twitch chat what computer do I get and and when I saw him asking in a twitch chat how do I get a computer what type of computer do I need it flashed me back to exactly how I felt when it was time to get a computer that exact cluelessness when it was time to get a computer and I reached out to him and I said Clef man I believe in you I'll get you a computer just be part of my team everything like that uh and that's how we started and I always told him I believed in him and I think he'll be the best I think he'll be the best streamer and I will always believe that to this day um so then the stream team started and I told you my biggest asset was I knew how to do the stuff I went through the road of being a streamer already buying the equipment I know how to use OBS and then I had Rob and I had uh all the nursery behind me and I told these guys uh listen I have guys that know how to do all this producing stuff they know how to work OBS uh whatever you need and uh I will help you guys and and at the point I will tell you Clef is probably the first person I reached out to that I wanted that I saw and I said you know what he's special that I saw that I everybody else on my team was pretty much my friends at the time uh this was skimbo didn't really stream uh books pretty much still doesn't really stream but you know uh he those were my friends like that was like a no brainer but Clef was the guy I reached out to that I thought was special and I still do I always will uh and I was like you know I want him part of my team and I want to help him because he is going through the same thing I did prior to getting equipment and stuff so that's how we started um and that was madden 19 18 madden 19 probably for sure the start of madden 19 and I remember I remember buying computer parts that I'm still not a nerd I remember buying computer parts for Clef bringing them jobs down the nursery and drabe built the computer then we mailed it as a whole computer to to clef into Florida and hey guys I don't know if it's still the same computer users but uh that's how we started and um and like I said I always believed that it was the first person I looked at outside and needed outside of my friends I said this guy's want to pop for real and uh yeah buying trust me Mac trust me I did not buy them I got a list and bought the list trust me I just bought a list that somebody gave me Mac trust me I to this day I don't think I could pick out the right computer parts for a computer but then it grew in more and more and then obviously Trey became a part of it bulls user uh skimbo started streaming Vilma started streaming everybody that uh which I'm called everybody everybody that I was close with I really have urged all my friends to start streaming dude especially Vilma my buddy elite that I used to play man with my buddy proof I used to play man with in fact proof I still half of my lingo is stuff that proof says like I'll be honest like he's a funny ass dude and I tell him all start streaming man like I have I have put myself in a position as a streamer to help you you know grow your stream I have put myself in position to be able to give it back to my friends and that's pretty much what the stream team became now uh I for me I you know I was I was my dreams are through the roof my dreams are astronomical I would love to be 100 thieves that that is like my pinnacle you know I would love to get there um but you know at first you have to be able to grind together and the biggest thing once we got into baseball I remember baseball in the summertime it was great to have uh me skimbo aj Dylan and gunski every night like we would try to like outdo each other or just not outdo each other but seeing others work and succeed really motivated me and that's kind of the best part of having a team having a team around you and everything like that it really was um so that is the big was the biggest benefit for me is just really having these guys work and really motivating myself even especially in a time where Madden's not popping and our streams aren't popping as much but then this year happened I feel like we're doing well everybody's doing well last year Madden 21 was the year we got everybody 70 30 from twitch from being on the team now people don't get 70 30 anymore um it's really tough to get 70 30 means you get 70 percent of your sub money most partners nowadays are get 50 percent of their sub money um for me I I was able to get most of the guys 70 30 split from being on the team so that was a big deal in fact I believe skimbo is probably the only one that still doesn't have it he was like a month too late and he missed out on it and I still feel like it's I feel still feel like it's the one of the biggest let downs of my life honestly that he was not able to get on board with that and you know for real uh so that but most of my friends have it because they were on my team so that was a good thing but then we go to this year the competitive part was kind of the competitive part I mean we haven't really had success I guess Madden 18 we were on top of the world Madden 19 Jacksonville happened I don't know what anybody in my group don't remember Madden 20 we kind of got popped we all got popped skimbo made a little bit far but he got popped and then nine madden 21 skimbo didn't play and we all got popped but then skimbo came back this year so it was a different vibe it felt good you understand at the end of the day skimbo was like LeBron he came back he was leading the squad had a different vibe everything looked good and and and I will tell you I know a lot of you guys don't really know like how much energy people put into this first tournament in any Madden tournament you know so we were like I'm talking like really like a lot of energy I'm talking hours and hours every single night trying to get better and better and better and you know every single madden sweat across the country is doing the same thing you know every little group is having their own discord they're having their own group battles and everything and so that's what it was for a month you know and we're looking around this group of guys and we realize you know we're pretty fucking old you know I'm me being the oldest at 34 I think bugs is 34 user is I don't he my user is 30 something skimbo is the youngest and he's turning 30 in like a month for real like we're really old and trey at the time was like trey is like 25 right trey is like 25 but he's like a 45 for real for real because he got two kids you know you know what I'm saying I've been to a trey is older so we're all kind of old right the youngest person at the time we had was clef but clef kind of old too we all have kids like we're an old-ass team you look at TNC they haven't come close to having a kid so you look around at us dudes disappear on the mic for for two hours like I'm telling you like we're an old-ass group right we're out here trying to find blitzes none of us old-ass dudes trying to put in two controllers and stuff like that but we're not but then we're trying to stream make videos nobody trying to put two controllers in a lap so my point is we're looking around in this group and we said yo listen we gotta find some young we gotta find some new people now I have always been kind of hesitant to really add people in Madden because I feel like our our reputation and our pedigree is super high like I mean between me skimbo bugs as much as we joke about bugs he's had super success in Madden like let's not downstate that I've always felt like yeah like yeah we the two thousand something like that yeah we're old dukes you're saying so I've always been a little bit hesitant but to this was the year it was like yo we gotta get some young blood in here right so that's when we start just throwing names up on the bulletin board and at the time it was kind of like everybody had a problem with everybody you brought up for the most part like damn what about this guy oh I don't like him that much oh we had beef we had beef in Madden 19 oh we had beef in Madden 14 like it was always something and then it kind of got to the point was like boys we gotta find somebody we gotta find somebody right so so we get to the point where it's like I think Trey was like yo John Beast and I'm like yo I know John Beast always from the C4 tournaments Vilma used to go to for some reason I'm a for some reason I'm a crazy Vilma supporter and I would drive the Connecticut to watch him play and these Larry Ridley tournaments because I'll be honest the little Foxwood casino was kind of popping up there in Connecticut it was a good times and John was always at those like I feel like that's like the g league of Madden there's not even a g league that's like middle school jv I'm saying so for me I kind of knew John through that and he was always in that little underground squad or the underground community and stuff like that so uh Vilma always knew him so I always like I was like all right what's up so we wind up adding John to the discord John's a sweat if you don't like he's he's a mad nerd like I'm talking this dude knows what what god damn Calvin Johnson pass block rating is like he's kind of what we needed a a nerd a kid nerd that grinds the game so it was far as I'm concerned it was a super dub and uh everybody was grinding the game we were playing the shit out the game with John um we that we added that boy to the discord he was in there chilling with us uh he should have been for a year or so and then we added what's him called joff because joff when joff put out first of all I've always been a joff fan and then he put out the video and I hit him up I'm like bro what's up how do that little juke and he was like y'all want to be needed I said all right let's do it so I added him so those three guys right so as the tournament breaks down we all get popped outside of clef and John so clef and John are on they both make the live event uh so they both make the live so we're super excited now you got to understand while we're in our discord playing the shit out the game trying our hardest trying our best to make it so is every other crew in madden they're sweating their dicks off to try to make this first tournament right it is kind of a measuring stick of what squad is smarter what squad is better what squad has the better players it always is that's how it always is you want to beat the you want like fuck them other guys that's how it feels when mad when it comes to madden for real it just is like it really is like that's how the vibe of it is like you you want to win and you want to show other people that you're better than them and your group is smarter and you've got the best players for real that's how it was in madden 18 I remember I remember madden 18 people being mad that me and skimbo were on opposite sides of the bracket at the end of the end of the madden 18 classic so they they were like they kind of set it up so y'all could play each other so like that so and it was like that vibe again where we made it it's like and we look at the bracket and it's like damn it's really a chance they could win and they could play now I'm a realist I've always been a realist maybe a pessimist but I'm like it's no way it's no way and the back of my mind there's no way there's no way they both win the win out and make it in the finals like that's like do y'all like that's such a small percentage that that could happen they both went out final eight and they wind up meeting in the finals that's such a small percentage and uh never thought it would happen a million a million times in a row and and they both ball they both looked like the best players they both really uh did well and we really form all the way I think in the back of my mind Clef is somebody that I expect him to win games you know against Keynes I expect him to win those games when he played joke uh he kind that game kind of wasn't close you know when he played joke it wasn't close it was nothing you know but then John it's like is he gonna be journey like come on dude it's fucking journey right as as I as John gonna be journey like that's a crazy underdog right and he wins so it's like oh shit now I gotta do is be ice and he wind up being in the finals right and from a group from a friend standpoint from a group uh from the people that's been in the discord for three weeks playing the shit out the game every night till till till five a.m. right it's like oh shit this is tough like I'm this is crazy exciting this is awesome for all the work these kids put in for all the work that we all put in this is awesome so so naturally we're like on top of the world aesthetic for them aesthetic for the group aesthetic for our friends aesthetic to realize that we are on top of the madden world that is what it feels and so instantly when the game started we I mean we all hopped in the discord we were all together and we were having fun I I had you know it was no doubt that it was going to be a good time it was no doubt that this was like this was I honestly it was awesome for all of us and we all were happy we were all on top of the world everybody was ecstatic for both of these guys and when we when when the game started we're on the discord and we agreed that man clef got to win this game because if he doesn't win then it's going to be a little bit sad we all said that we all said that boys we all agreed on that in in in the discord we agreed on that uh so we we were kind of like damn clef kind of win this game or the vibes are going to be a little bit different the vibes are going to be a little bit different so essentially the game happens we're super happy if you remember clef fumbles twice we're fucking devastated clef throws a pick in the end zone we're devastated um so the whole time we're happy games over we're happy but it's like damn clef lost but what are what as a group that is on top of the world like what is our you had a run commit we were sick uh what is our options after that game happens like what are we supposed to do you know for me I have never hit anybody up after they lose for real I really I've never done that and that's that's some dealing with with skimbo that's from dealing with Vilma that's from dealing with bugs like dude you lose you're on your own you know where I'm at you know where I'm at if you want to talk about it I'm here you know where I'm at you know what I'm saying so for me I never hit nobody up after a loss because for me if I lose I don't want to hear a little you'll be all right speech until I ask for that shit like if I want my if I want my you'll feel better you'll be okay speech I'm going to go ask for it you know I don't want it to be just sent to me that's just how I feel um so I don't hit anybody up when they win uh so what happens is you guys got to see you guys don't know there's a whole nother discord right there's a whole nother discord and the discord is full of these madden players and saying every madden player you know every sweat madden player right now as we watch the needed bowl do you think the other madden players were happy to watch the needed bowl do you think they were in a good mood to watch it do you think that was what they wanted to watch do you think that's what they signed up when they started playing this tournament was to watch the needed bowl do you think they enjoyed it I'm just I'm just asking do you think do you think it was something they really wanted to uh really wanted to watch and enjoy I just want to know what do you think their attitude was when there was was two people from the same squad playing in the finals not one person one I just want to know what do you think their attitude was when there was two people from the same squad and me and the boys were acting like assholes in the chat during the whole time I just want to know what do you think their attitude was seeing our whole squad on top of the world and that's my point and so as the game ended what happened was we we were on the discord and where Clef went was to that discord with all the old mad all the old mad people that are mad that we were on top so what do you think they told Clef in that discord it's alright bro you'll be back your squad supports you it's alright Clef man you gonna do great your squad is behind you Clef what do you think they told them that's why I'm asking they told them damn Clef look at your squad they celebrating without you damn Clef they doing you dirty damn Clef I was never being a squad like that damn Clef how you gonna how you gonna let them party on your behalf they gonna leave you out the drive they saying fuck you and partying with somebody else now I saw all this shit I saw it with my we all saw it if you guys watch we're all watching this discord while we were streaming and like damn this is crazy and naturally Clef already pissed that he lost as everybody is when they lost I'm saying so that's when while we're we're having a good time that's when I went into this course I said yo Clef join the cord bro cuz fuck these dudes these not the dudes you supposed to be on be talking to when you lose they're not period they're not the dudes you should be talking to even though you lost bro we are here regardless that's what I that's all I said in this court I said Clef join up if you don't want to fine but for me those is not the dudes you got to be around for real you'm saying yeah we were all reading this play-by-play and it was some point in the discord where Trey and Buzz and all them just started airing them out like yo you you acting like a bra blah blah blah you saying but ultimately if I did something wrong I honestly I'm sorry I text Clef that that I'm sorry I I don't know what I would have did differently personally I really don't know what I would have did done differently I felt like in my life when somebody wins journey was definitely gas in the whole damn they celebrate in which you journey was gas and but he was gas and but for me I have always celebrated somebody's accomplishment to win and when I won it was the best thing that ever happened like I it might sound like a L like my life is shitty but when I won a man tournament in front of that many people it was kind of it was the best thing that happened to me so I know what it's like right so when people win to me it's like dude I got it I got to celebrate this at least toes congratulate this person right now it's the it's the dude we just added to the squad a month ago what am I supposed to in mind you know I owe I wanted him to turn his stream on because that's the benefit of it you're at home you can turn your stream I said John turn your stream on I want to host you with these two thousand three thousand people that are watching this watch party right now I want to put them all in your stream and I want to gift you subs why I would never change that decision a day in my life right I never would so for me that's what I wanted to do I remember actually skimbo lost man 18 versus beast mode right this is a tournament skimbo should have won easily he he got popped by beast mode I don't want to say he laid down he got a little unlucky beast mode played pretty good but beast mode one and I remember skimbo did his I'm disappearing for an hour I'll come back an hour so during that hour during that hour I I remember toasting with beast mode after he won like dude I'm happy for you blase blase everybody has won a man tournament I've tried my best to support them and celebrate with them because it is a big deal so for me I don't think I would have changed anything about that night it wasn't that I don't think it was the choke slam event I don't remember but no honestly I really we cracked the champagne when the game started we definitely wanted Clef to win fortunately he didn't win you know and I don't like I said I don't know what I I would have done different I don't know what I should have done different or honestly I really don't one I already drank a bottle and a half a liquor so I'm already on I'm already having a good time so after math this is alright so after Clef puts a tweet out I'm not in social media already is like already finicky if Clef wins if Clef wins we're all here the same way we are now one million percent nothing would have changed it would have been a completely different vibe there had been no negative to it but you know what he didn't win he lost you know saying and John won so what am I supposed to do am I supposed to pop out you'm saying who who's supposed to pout it's a no pouting situation period it's a no pouting situation for me you know saying if you want to pout that's fine some people like to pout after they lose bugs a big everybody's pretty much a powder when they lose it's just levels to the shit for real for real mmm John powder when he won you know yeah I don't know how it was in a win-win lucky I don't know how you know I just I I hearken back to this story I hearken back no one uses their word I need a water I'm sorry boys I hearken back I hearken back I hearken back to this this story I gotta replace new wheels all the time I hearken back to this story right I've always said you you can tell somebody's character when they lose for real for real now I hearken back to this story about me and skimbo in the Madden Madden 17 final four that I won I remember skimbo losing and being the saddest I've ever seen a human being you ever see like a kid when they got their kid their toy taken from them and they don't know where the toy is for real that's how skimbo looked when I beat him in Madden 17 right just howdy is ever sitting here with his book bag just like for real like super pouty like I've never seen somebody that sad and then I play problem and I beat problem and honestly skimbo was happier than I was that I won that belt I honestly have never seen somebody emotionally do a 180 like that to go from the saddest person in room to the happiest person in the room and and and and I always said man if you can I got a hearken back yeah if you can be that happy for somebody else man you're super content and you're you're gonna be successful I feel I just it's always harder to be happy for someone else but it shows what your heart really is you know for real like yeah that shit was different I'll never forget that shit I would like like I'll never forget that shit dude for real he was super happy for that so that's when I was like yeah this this is a good guy but everybody's different you know and you know like I said if I felt if I did something wrong that night I'm sorry to Clef like I said I called him once I text him I haven't heard from him I'm sorry I didn't mean I didn't never meant to ever hurt this kid ever I always believe in Clef I think he's the best man player I think he'll be the best man streamer if he puts us all into it he will be the best I have always believed that and I have always told him that after every single time he's lost in a tournament or every single time he feels like he's let us down and I told him I you I have never been let down cuz you're a superstar I have told him this since mad 19 non-stop told him this you know non-stop so like I said I'm sorry I don't think I would have changed anything differently I don't think I would have so they did try to add Clef don't let journey kept but this is how I feel about journey journey don't know what he's so stupid and airhead-ish he don't know what the hell he's doing seriously he really don't like he don't know when he do that touchdown on me when he was up 30 points with two minutes left that's when I realized he don't have no common morality or nothing he don't know shit for real he don't like he don't know any like he just here having fun like yo for real as soon as I saw him do that touch down up 30 I said alright I was alright he don't know he don't know right from wrong for sure yeah he like a eight-year-old kid bro he don't know he don't know no better for real but I said I always believed in Clef I always will whether I talk to him ever again or not I don't know I will always think he's the best I have no hard feelings in fact I regardless I don't I wouldn't have did anything differently but I still think I did something wrong but I wouldn't have changed anything that I did I'll always celebrate all I will always celebrate somebody's accomplishments and it was John's night it was at the end of the day you understand at the end of the day it was John's night God bless him and I said it if you're saying I don't know I feel like I've always helped these kids a lot you know I say kids but you know they're my peers you know I feel like I've always did my best to help them and guide them as best as possible for most point alright so then then what happened was later in the night when half everybody sleep I actually fell asleep too like this on the chair like this I did first time ever happened to me I fell asleep on a chair this was in John's stream this wasn't in my I will get to it so I passed out on the chair after the champagne and shit so I wake up and then I we're still live so let's go it's it was just like me Vilma Joff and John at the time John's cuz John had to get his head shaved and he was getting his head shaved for four hours if any guy like it was the worst head shaving ever I was like dude I could I could shave my head with like you like with you know a rock fast and you're shaving your head oh my god that's why I fell asleep honestly so I wake up I turned the thing back on then I see I see my peers in in the chat the same group of people that was egging Clef on and and antagonizing him to flip on us the same group of people that was in that discord just gas and clef up that we were bad for him that same group of people were in John's chat and I snapped cuz I listen I'm already I'm first of all I'm on I drink the whole bottle champagne or so so I see all these people in the chat they just gas them up so much and for me I saw them so I said I'm gonna I'm gonna air these dudes out or whoever it is so I aired them out I call them out like bro like this you was foul that's it you out of line and and when I air somebody out y'all been here before when I when it gets to that point of airing somebody out they get aired out when it gets to that point of airing somebody y'all know that y'all been there is people that have not survived the air out they ain't survived the stream for real and so anyway then these people their their response to that to me airing them out was to bring up my racist tweets from 2011 that was their response so they brought that up that is what they brought now I'll be honest if you guys don't know that I had racist tweets they are here you can Google them by all means I've never backed away from it I've always taught the people all the time it was a way that I grotesquely joked with my friends that was completely inappropriate at the time and even more inappropriate now there's not even it's not how I act now it's not how I talk it's not how I behave but then back then it was something that I joked of all the time with my not all the time but enough to wear and saying and where it was just something that just how we joked and it was completely wrong and completely inappropriate from now to then always and it's not who I am now it's not something that I do now and for me well I'm say for me that is when when they and you know I always I always understand that new people will bring that up and people that haven't met me or people that are new here and they realize that they'll say damn that and that hurt you're saying that hurt you know I didn't know that all that stuff I'm saying and I understand that but when it's people that are my peers and know me to bring it up that's when it's like what is the point of me putting my all into this community if the community that knows who I am that smiles in my face when they meet me that is happy to do anything that I that I any opportunity I have for them they will take that opportunity and smile in my face right those are the ones that bring it up when they want to bring me down those are the ones that throw it in my face when it's when I'm too high that's when it's like that's the shit that's disappointing to me I understand people that haven't met me or you heard this for the first time and you're turned off and you don't want to support me or you don't want to be in my corner that's understandable it's something I deal with forever and it's something I have accepted and I'm sorry you know but I can't do anything about it it's just it's part of my life it's part of me you know so and I understand that but for people to smile in my face and when it's good for them be my friend but then soon as I'm on top and I'm popping to bring that out because you know it's the ammunition you have it's the only ammunition you have to bring that out is like it's depressing it's like why do I spend this much energy on this community for that shit to do it to me why do I deserve that what did I do to deserve that what did I do for real and that's when it's like damn what is the point of me putting all this effort and all this energy and all this money and all this got everything I put into the man the competitive side of that the competitive side it's this this week has made me say fuck competitive side because they're just a bunch of fucking jealous bitches honestly for real just a bunch of cry baby bitches for real and this and honestly if I knew it would just put like a if it would put this much of a stress on me and my friends I honestly wouldn't give a fuck about competitive for real to beat I don't know for real it's it's the competitive side made me it made me feel like you know what this is like crab central man it is crab central definitely not talking about journey at all journey journey's the man for real he's not like I said journey is a eight-year-old we don't know yet no for real but anyway so as these people were in my chat my peers were calling me I was racist and they said and then they and then they called me out like I like I hide from it and that's when I said no I I said it and I said it with I said it was so much passion and of course they turn that into you know that's how I feel today that's how they spun that people that you know obviously people that I've met people that shook my hand and smiled in my face spun it to the point where that's how I feel today you know so for me and that is why and so it's made me once again a racial person or a racist person in the community so everybody else the other people that stepped away from needed are stepping away because they don't want to be associated with a racist person again so and they think that being associated with me hurts their hurts their potential growth you know where you know I think I think being with me and the group and the needed group that helps streams and promote streams and all that is more beneficial than anything but you know I you know and it's just and listen for me I have always they're always my friends and I always respect all their decisions and I've always when I first talked to them I've always said you know whatever you want and what you think is best for you that's what it's about you know saying it's about you it's about what you think is best and your position that you want to take in your future and I'm just here to support you because you're my friend and you know I want to help you that was pretty much my whole thought process in this whole thing so for me I'm not I'm really not upset about any of this I understand it I'm just more upset that you know my peers could just want to want to see me hurt so bad I feel like I don't deserve that from anybody I feel like I've I feel like I've done my best to be cordial and friendly with every single person of the competitive man competitive man community I feel like I have relationships with everybody you know and positive ones with absolutely everybody you know from and from the small I do my best to support the JMH's the eight-year-olds you know to joke to drag to EMB to to give to everybody I feel like I have a good relationship with everybody you know my man panda with 25 gifted so but honestly like I said no my point is I've always tried to stay connected to the competitive community really I've always and I always feel like it's important for me to stay connected to the Madden grinders the competitive guys you know but I understand why my friends don't want to be my man panda going crazy I understand why some of my friends don't want to be associated with me no more I really it's part of life and I told you I remember it's always been a part of my life it's always been you know something I've dealt with and I never want my friends to feel like they're dealing because it sucks man this cancel culture it sucks it sucks it's terrible it's deserved I mean I deserve it I'll never back away from that but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck you know and I never wanted to affect my friends you know I never wanted to affect anybody that I deal with because for real for real that shit is this shit is tough it sucks it does uh no these dudes are my friends and they always will be like regardless uh like I said if I don't talk to Cliff anymore I'll I always believe in them I always think he'll be the best um but the way I felt this weekend was kind of how I felt when they didn't put me in the Madden game it's kind of how I felt like just bummed out like this is this is a tough road you know it's like this is uh it took me back to that crossroads of do I quit or do I just go harder that's pretty much where I was at this weekend do I do I quit or do I go harder that's pretty much how I felt this weekend and not so much quit obviously not quit streaming and Madden and shit like that but I always had a dream of having a team and having a group and having like the power to help people stream support people streams and all that stuff I've always felt like the way uh panda you're a lord you're a legend so I'm at that crossroads do we listen so and for me the only way to the only way to get over it is the full send it's the only way otherwise otherwise I'd be depressed it's either full send or be depressed so we're going to full send we got the website working that's our first step to make sure we get money into this team I'm going to find the people that want to be here I'm going to find the people that want to grind I'm going to find the people that want to be a part of this I'm going to find the people that you know understand what me and my team bring to the table I'm going to find those people you know I still have my boys that are still with me man uh they're we're going to we're going to dominate for real uh we have expanded out of Madden obviously we're MLB dominate that 2k I want 2k bad I want some 2k streamers um but like I said the boys that are with me uh for real those are my guys um you know for real and I and my goal is to and I will tell you man I between Clef and all the everybody that left for me I listen my door is always open my door is here uh if you want to come back if you test the other side of the green grass man you guys are my friends I I listen I will continue to support them full full heartedly you know those guys are I believe in them I believe in them and for me uh FIFA streamers really so for me like I said my door still open and um it's always an option for them to come back at some point you know because like I said uh it wouldn't my brand wouldn't be where it is without Clef without Trey and without some other people you know so for me those guys are always a part of it I'll always support them I said I listen the way the way honestly I don't I don't want to do another bot wars I don't want to dude I don't I don't want to I really don't I really don't my man see ball with the 10 gifted I really don't it ended on a bang dude part of me wants to say part of me wants to bro part of me wants to just say just grab myself and say fuck doing shit for other people like for real it really does it really does we will definitely do another bot wars we are still having bot wars live bot wars live will go down in the spring you know what I'm saying for sure Mike I tried man it's just I was I was depressed I was sad I I I kept looking in the mirror like how did this go from how did this go from the needed bowl to fucking everybody leaving for real for real I'm an MP with 25 I'm sorry if I miss any subs I really was like dude what like how did this happen you know how did this shit happen but I mean I'm I'm a very faithful person and I believe that a lot of the stuff all that happens for a reason it just honestly I I have been feeling bad I honestly have been feeling I for the last year so I have been feeling like I haven't done enough for my friends I really felt that way for real like whether it be cleft or trey or skimbo or boys I really have always felt like I haven't done enough for these you know what I'm saying I haven't done enough for them I wish I could do more my man Mike Mac with 10 my man mp25 prime time C ball with 10 I have really always felt like I haven't done enough for real I really do um and this has uh this has motivated me to say you know I need to do more I need to elevate I need to take the next step for real for real that's that's where my mind is now you know and that's uh essentially where I'm at with it honestly and I feel like honestly and I feel like I feel bad because I feel like everybody else that's associated with me is put into a bad decision like they have to make a decision you know and I feel bad about that you know it's like like what am I supposed to say dude like yeah I want you to stay with me I want to grow this I I want to keep pushing and I want to grow this to something special that I know it can be you know I know I believe in myself more than anything so for me it's like I don't want them to feel like they got to stay or they got you know it's like air effects man it's just panda you're a legend demon man I I it's crazy how excited I was and how happy I was during that game and that tournament how happy and excited I was for the future I was like bro this is huge it's kind I remember man 18 in the classic man 18 in the classic was tough I started a business I once again nerd level zero Madden the summer of man 17 I was going to have taxes I started a business I really uh I started a business I put a lot of pressure on myself I said this business is going to fail if I don't make a live event I put all that pressure on my mind it wasn't true it's not true at all uh so for me my goal was you know I put this pressure on me I want to I want to make another live event it's going to help my my business succeed and man in 18 classic was live event I lost live event in New York I lost live event in Philly I lost live event in Vegas I lost last chance online you had to play 15 single elimination games and I won the last game and the joy I had thinking that the joy I had thinking that it was going to help my business so much that I won that event or I made that event so for me that same joy I had making the man 18 classic was the joy I had watching my friends compete in the tournament and it was almost to a fault where I felt bad that they were making it so much about me and the group rather than the kids that were winning so I went from I went from uh I went from being on top of the world to feeling super sick you know and I felt super sick this whole weekend I I really I really um I'm at the point where I don't know what I did for clout I don't know you know I don't think I don't think that's one of my angles for the most part but like I said man these are my boys I support them regardless if I ever talk to them again you know I support them and I will and I have nothing bad to say about anybody that made the decision to leave in fact like my doors they all know my phone number my doors are always open for all of them for real no we're gonna go up it's okay man I don't know what I deserve for people to want me to fail really I don't know bro I have always left my stream on probably once a month and that's one of the reasons I really don't want to it's it's one of the reasons I don't be wanting to host people for real I don't want to because I always wind up leaving my stream on so that's trust me bro it happens to me all the time for real for real that's why I'd like to host this guy but I don't really want to for real for real bro Earl just does shit for attention yeah bro kid I'd never say I kid you're not subbed I got took off fucking autopay actually fucking crazy shade that's crazy I thought we were like friends for life somebody dunk on kids bro journey don't start journey don't start damn just like that don't oh no Jay Bray dunked on Allerton new card I switched it up no but for real like I said this is a crossroads damn came and kid was a whole turquoise badge no for real uh this is the crossroads where we just got a full sun that's it we got a full sun we're going to take the next step I don't let anybody run journey away uh legend I ain't bro that journey ran himself away for real for real we are locking in we are listen we are full sending at that we are full sending I'll tell you that right now there is no pouting there is no you know what I'm saying like I said if the boys ever get if the boys ever get you know they want to fuck with it again I'm here bro for real I don't have no bad feelings I don't have no animosity man I respect everybody's decision for their own part you know what I'm saying and they can do what's best for them you know everybody's a grown-up they listen they know what's best for them and and I trust that they know you know I'm not going anywhere Madden I'm always gonna be here Madden Needy game is always gonna be a staple so you know what I'm saying if the boys that help make it want to want to come back one day 100% open open door you know I feel confident in my ability to help people be a good streamer I feel confident in my ability to guide people in streaming I had felt confident in my ability to promote people's streams and make them you know a competent streamer for I've always felt that way I believe in that and I will always believe in that and that's one of my biggest assets I will have for the rest of my life honestly listen journey and I listen we're always like tight you know what I'm saying there was always tight and then you know journey got journey got offended by people in squad you know but journey is kind of soft but I listen because I've been around journey so much that I understand like he's kind of clueless to human journey is clueless to human like journey is kind of an alien he doesn't know what it's like to be human like have that emotional thing and stuff like so he's like when he gets put into human situations he doesn't always know how to behave like there was this time he was beating me by 30 points with two minutes left and he threw a touchdown a regular human would say you know I've won this game already let me just run the clock out but this alien human said you know what I'm going up top that's when I realized journey is kind of an alien he don't really understand he's oblivious to human interaction and human feelings for real yeah he's kind of kawaii that's a good point yeah he'd be a whole asshole but he don't really know that he's being an asshole you know what I'm saying I'm kawaii Leonard no more nays man why would you hug journey how do you get in position like it's time to hug journey like what my man poles with the five gifted journey do everything awkward journey got into a club with a fake id then went and snitched on himself to the bouncer that literally happened I'm inside and then he went tapped on the bouncer so you know I'm really not supposed to be here and he got kicked out swear to god that's when they were there it really I swear to god then he called me like yo you want my bracelet like what I was like he's like you want my bracelet I said yeah I'll take it I'm cool with it it one million percent was a true story I said journey you ain't going he said no I went in then I left I said why you leave I told him I was I was 19 save but journey is right it was definitely no holes in there though he might have been right he might have been 10 steps ahead of us like he is on madden he might have been 10 steps ahead of us I went in there and seen Oreo and civil and throne I said all right I'm out of here I said journey might have been right journey might have been go to it was not still early if they let me tell you something if the girls aren't there early they're not gonna be there late I'll tell you that you know what they doing late you know what they're doing at late night they're not going to the next club journey would be a good wing man the robot was that when was that when jay bird took the uber lot to the jose's house oh man yo drays is that one is that when he took the uber ride nah same the same god bless bro god bless dude say listen you gotta have negative stories because then the negative stories will make the positive ones that much more powerful if your life isn't full with negative stories then what's the point of having positive ones is how I feel you know we all got some negative ass stories and if your biggest negative story is I wrote a uber to see jose and kali it's a pretty cool story honestly I mean oh I mean chicoby was golden yo chicoby was golden that trip I don't want to hear nobody say shit when chicoby showed up to a man event with a whole lay on I said okay I said okay bro he's he's golden there he is say look at him he elevated chicoby went from honestly I don't even joke about chicoby no more he got to the point where he can't be joked about like he switched by jay bird took chicoby spot in the community that weekend I'll be honest the heel the heel of the man community was no longer chicoby he became on the cool side like there's like a mountain you climb in the man community like you climb this mountain like you always start off as a shitter right you start off as a shitter like journey was the nerd ass little kid I don't know if he's quite over the mountain like madden wise he's on the other ground of the mountain right but cool wise you start off at the bottom me myself I started off on the cool side I was never at the bottom of it never never but I was older so it didn't count you know I'm saying so by the time I got in man community I was always 30 years old so I listen I had already went over that hill 15 years ago foxwoods listen no jaybird you you climb but then you slide your ass back down every once in a while like you were ready to go over the top of the and then you didn't have an xbox to play in bot wars so you slid all the way to back down that's when you messed up you know what I'm saying when I gave ample month of month of time to prepare for a fucking bot wars tournament that was going to be the biggest one ever you couldn't get an xbox that is when you fell all the way back down you are now at the pit of despair that's where you're at now you're down in the pit of despair an hour before tournament you are can find an xbox you know but anyway you know he was dead dude as far as shit jaybird came home the sun was up it was like yo jaybird text everybody said we're like oh we had denny's eating breakfast but like I said that end of day I support all my friends decisions I have nothing bad to say about none of them they will continue to be successful and my door and my phone number is always open if you need anything for real I mean I am not a petty person I'm not upset at anybody you know I said I'm sorry if I did anything wrong I never meant to do anything wrong uh but the people that are here the people that are locked in we are going to full send we are going to take everything to the next level I'm going to support everybody 10 times as much as I've supported them before and we're just going to get get things popping for real like I have to do more that's how I feel right now it's a wake up it's a wake up call that I have to do more I have to put more effort into a group I have to be better that's it you know that's how I feel all gas you know and the people that don't want to be here god bless them because they're going to look back and say damn I should have been there for real and like I said when they want to come back god bless dudes dudes help make the squad so they'll always have the door will always be open for real for real but this was the needed podcast glad to talk about that is anything else you guys want to talk about uh leave it in the comments all that good stuff you know the vibes this is only the beginning this is that speed bump that the airplane takes before it hits the runway honestly that's what it is I don't have any unbans I don't want to do any unbans we can do them after that yeah I you know t-dime I I don't what what my friends have done for me and the needed brand will never be forgotten and it'll always be it will always be an opportunity for them to always come rock with us for real so this is the rebirth and honestly my man joff is he's full sending bro he don't want to be hitting me up every day when he said what about the rebirth we ready for the rebirth I told him rebirth is going to be crazy so tell me y'all right now once voles yeah once voles but y'all don't understand voles gonna be hella different and we've said this for years once he actually you know slides in once he slides in some you know what I'm saying he's gonna be a different whole he might not even want to play mad no more band request will be in your spam I'm not doing any I'm not doing any damn CFMs I'm done with CFMs done with them bar boys like I said any other thing you want to talk about like I said I I will be living with my tweets my racial tweets for my entire life I never ran from them I never ever didn't want to talk about them I never dodged questions talking about them I never opened up to anybody that seriously asked me questions about it you know and that's how I've always been and that's how you got to take your head on and it's not how I act now I'm sorry that it ever was something that I used you know no matter what form it was it's never an excusable and there's never no excuses for it but I'm definitely an older smarter better person now than I was 10 years ago and I will forever be apologizing for those and they will always loom over me I just never want them to loom over my friends so I understand why some of them backed away from the brand and that's fine but uh like I said I appreciate all you guys that continue to support me if you choose not to then I mean I respect that as well I respect everybody's decision at the end of the day everybody has their own their own goals their own plans and their own admiration so for me whatever they choose to do I have to continue to support and I will so let's get it boys and like I said this is just the ground floor of the blow-up