 The narcissist kept your relationship secret. They kept your relationship hidden the entire time. You may wonder how this could be possible. You may remember meeting their friends. You may remember meeting their family. You may have been seen with the narcissist on many occasions. Their friends and family saw you with them. But it was never a relationship. You were just their supply. They understood that at some point. The supply would lose its potency. They understood that at some point. You would no longer be of any use to them. So they had to make it so that you were able to be replaced when the time comes. And they arranged this by managing other people's perceptions of your relationship. Behind closed doors. They may have told you that you are in a committed relationship. They may have confessed their love and devotion to you. They may have given you false promises and future faking. They may have promised something about your possible future with them. You went out with the narcissist. They took you to different places. And sometimes it was fun. Other times there were a lot of arguments and disagreements. But you're left to believe that you are with someone who really wants to be with you. You're left to believe that it is a real relationship. But when they're around other people. They're playing it down. They're making it seem like it's not as serious as it looks. As though they're still deciding whether or not they want to be with you. They will tell people that you have a lot of issues and problems. They will say that something is wrong with you. But this is just used to trick people. It's designed to mislead people from the narcissist's true intentions and objectives. It's used to justify why they're not fully engaged with you. So they will make it seem like it's not a serious relationship. Which is why when you meet their family and friends. They might not give you the recognition that you deserve. They might not see you as being anything significant to the narcissist. Because the narcissist has already downplayed your relationship. They've already told people that you are less important than they've led you to believe. They led you to believe that you were something significant. But the narcissist only said that to you. They fed a different narrative to everyone else. So you may have thought that they were deeply involved with you. And you were a significant part of their lives. But when they were away from you. They were complaining about you to other people. They were downplaying your position. They made it seem like you were lacking the required qualities and abilities. As though you were insufficient for a purpose. As though you were unable to deal with life. They made it seem like you were the one with all the problems. While they were just trying to help you. It's all a setup. So that when the time comes. They can dispose of you. When they find someone who is more suitable for them. Because then no one is going to judge them for getting rid of you. No one is going to question them. No one is going to think that your position was anything more significant. The narcissist has already been downplaying you and complaining about you. So people will already assume. That the narcissist just didn't want to deal with you anymore. Because you weren't good enough. You had all of these problems. So throughout your relationship with the narcissist. They made it seem as though you were not important or significant. So that they could easily cut you off. And without having to explain to people. Why they're treating you like that. It helps to conceal and protect them. From looking like the person who is bad and wrong. It's very effective. Because you never knew that they weren't serious. They made you believe that they were deeply invested in you. They made you believe that they were deeply involved with you. If there was ever a problem. They would always be there to help you. They would always try to correct the situation. But that's only because at that time. They didn't have a suitable replacement for you. But at some point you realize that they were never really committed to you. You realize that they were never really on your side. Which is when everything starts to make sense. Because there's one side that they show to you. While there's another side that you never see. There's another narrative that they're feeding to everyone else. Because in reality they have no regard for you. They were just wearing a mask whenever they were around you. But to everyone else. They're downplaying your relationship. They're putting you down. But then they're also making it seem like they're trying to help you. Because they know how to balance people's perceptions. To where people outside of your relationship. Have no idea what is being done to you. They've already made up their minds about you. Which is how it's so easy for them. To start smear campaigns against you. Because they've already gone around. And told people that you're insufficient for a purpose. They've already told people that you have issues with problems. So that when the narcissist no longer has a purpose for you. No one is really paying attention to you. No one really cares. And everyone is on the narcissist's side. They will justify the narcissist's behaviour. Following their preparatory measures. You may have believed that you were in a relationship with the narcissist. But the entire time they kept it a secret. You were never anything significant to them. They just had a use for you at that time. They had a suitable position. And they will protect that position. So that they can keep you there. Where you can continue to serve them. But it's not anything significant to them. They don't really want you. They're not really trying to save you. They just want the qualities and abilities that you possess. They don't want you. They don't care about you. It's just the way that you are. The way that you do things. They don't care about you as a person. It's the things that you do. That's what they like. Which means that if someone can do things the way you do. They will replace you. They will take that person. Which is why it's so easy for them to get rid of you. Once they've ran you into the ground. Because at that point you have no value. You have no purpose to them. Which is why you have to be careful. About who you choose to share your qualities and abilities with. Because when you're given these things to a narcissist. They're not going to consider you to be as valuable or as good as you actually are. They're only going to underestimate and under appreciate you. Because these qualities and abilities. Are meant to be reserved for those who are truly deserving of them. Those who have the same amount of value to bring to you. When something has value. It shouldn't be so readily available. It should be reserved for those who have the same amount of value to bring to it. You can't just make yourself available to anyone. Which is how narcissists manage to get away with it so easily. Because you can't just sell a new McLaren or a Lamborghini. To someone who has no credit. Someone who can't even put down the deposit for that type of car. But what happens in these relationships. Is that although they don't qualify or meet the necessary requirements. We still choose to engage with them. When you need to recognize that they have no equal exchange of value. Whenever you sell yourself short. It will only get you in a lot of trouble in the end. Because you're dealing with individuals. Who cannot reciprocate the amount of value that you are bringing to them. Which means that you will be the one who has left paying the price. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonates with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you were like this Nate. My PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching Inquiries. You can email me at coaching.narcsurviver.co.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.