 The Jack Benny program. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. The prime. Sure thing. That's right. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. LS, MFT. I'm SOT ARMY Phi Grocery. Certainly, it takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette. and independent tobacco experts present at the auctions can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy the finer, the lighter, the naturally milder Lucky Strike tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Larry Stephens and yours truly, Don Wilson. And now let's go out to Beverly Hills to Jack Benny's house where we find our star of stage, screen and radio relaxing in the library. Gee, it's nice to have a few hours to yourself with nothing to do. I think I'll read a book. See, there's some good ones on this shelf here. Here's one. Gertrude Eichelberger, girl plumber. Oh, I read that one. Gosh, it was touching. I'll never forget that part where Gertrude tenderly picked up a monkey wrench and bashed her husband's head in. But he had it coming to him. Imagine heating his beer with her soldering iron. Maybe there's another book. Oh, here are some. The Rover Boys on a Marshmallow Hunt. Nah, I'm too old for that. LC Dinsmore's first petticoat. Hmm, pictures too. Nah, I'm too old for that. Forever Amber. Nah, I'm, hmm, no picture. This book's on the wrong shelf here. I better put it over here. Wait a minute, there's a book missing. Oh, yes, I remember. Ronald Coleman took that one two weeks ago. Two weeks. Say, that little book is gonna pay for itself in no time. Oh, here's one I haven't read. I never left home. Must be by one of those new French authors, Bob Hopay. Well, I'm not in the mood now, so maybe I'll say, here's a book I never saw before. Let's see. My Diary by Rochester Van Jones. Oh, what do you know? It's Rochester's Diary. I think I'll take a look and see if, no, I better not. Oh, I'll just read a little bit. It can't hurt. Dear Diary, I take my pen in hand to tell you the little secrets that dwell in my heart. Isn't that cute? Let me see. March 8th. Dear Diary, last night I went to another meeting of the Central Avenue Roll Out the Barrel and Dice Club. I told Mr. Benny I was going to a lecture on meteorological phenomena. Hmm, a lecture on meteorological phenomena. Look how he spelled lecture. Let's see. April 2nd. Dear Diary, two nights ago I dreamed that Lena Horn fell madly in love with me. Last night I dreamed she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. Right now I'm drinking Ovaltine as my dreams are getting better all the time. April 5th. Dear Diary, Mr. Benny is one of the kindest, most considerate, most generous bosses I ever had. Well, and he never gets mad when I ask him for a raise. I know this because I've asked him thousands of times. Well, I've always believed in free speech. I guess I've read enough of Rochester. Wow, look at the list of girls' names and phone numbers he's got on the last page. Flossie Brown, Jefferson, 2957. Ethel Johnson. Oh, here he comes. I better jump up on the table and put his diary on the top shelf. Now he'll never suspect that I've read. Oh, boss, what are you doing up on the table? Huh? Oh, oh, oh, there's a mosquito in the room. A mosquito? Last time I caught you up on the table, it was a mouse. When did you ever see me hide from a mouse? The night you made me send for Frank Buck. Rochester, what did you come in here for anyway? Your violin teacher called and said it'd be a few minutes late. Oh, Professor LeBlanc. Yeah, he's going to give me a lesson today. Oh, well, that's the case. Can I have the day off? Why? I want to go to a lecture on meteorological phenomena. Rochester, you've been there once. Well, this time I'm going to try to get even. I thought so. Well, you can't go. Okay. Then I better call my girl Flossie Brown and tell her I can't meet her after the lecture. Let's see. What's her phone number again? Uh, uh. Jefferson 2957. Boss, you saw that in my diary. No, no, I didn't, Rochester. I, I guessed it. Guessed it? Yes. You know, boss, it's possible to guess Jefferson 2. And with a little effort, you can guess Jefferson 29. Rochester. And under extreme coincidental and unusual conditions, you may even guess Jefferson 295. Rochester. But when you guess Jefferson 2957, that's another meteorological phenomenon. All right, all right, Rochester. I accidentally came across your diary. And by the way, thanks for saying all those nice things about me. You're absolutely right. I don't mind how many times you ask for a raise. You can ask me for a raise anytime you want. I know, boss. I know, but repetition ain't doing for me what it's doing for LSMFT. Well, don't worry. Maybe someday you'll, oh, that must be my music teacher. I'll get it. Hello, Jack. Oh, it's you, Mary. Come on in. Say, Jack, here's a copy of Look Magazine and it's got your picture on the cover. Look Magazine? Let me see that. Oh, gosh, look at me in a full dress suit playing my violin. Say, Mary, I'd like to keep this magazine. How much does it cost? Nothing. This week they're giving them away. They are not. There it is right on top. Ten cents. And look, there's a story about me inside. See, it's about my career in show business. Oh, yeah. Oh, for heaven's sake, look at this misprint. It says I play the Orpheum Theater here in 1867. Isn't that ridiculous? Yeah, it was the Pantages. And look, here's a picture taken when I was in the third grade. That's me in the corner. I should have known. Look at that dunce cap on you. Mary, that's not a dunce cap. I had a very high forehead. Dunce cap. Well, if that's your head, you must have got your hair cut with a pencil sharpener. A pencil sharpener. You know, it's a very nice picture of me on the cover. Oh, Rochester. Yes, boss. Take this magazine out and pin it on the bulletin board in front of the house. Yes, sir. Shall I put it above or below the reviews on the horn glows at midnight? Put it right next to them. And while you're out there, throw those rocks back off the lawn. Jealous bunch of actors there. Oh, Mr. Benny, I meant to tell you, your music teacher, Professor LeBlanc, is waiting for you in the den. Professor LeBlanc, I didn't hear him come in. Say, Jack, is that the same violin teacher you had last year? No, no, Mary. He gave me three lessons and was drafted. Boss, he gave you three lessons and enlisted. Never mind, Mary. I gotta go in the den and take my violin lesson. See you later. That's funny. Told me he was drafted. I never could understand that. He arrived in July and now back to Jack Benny's house where we find Jack taking violin lessons. No, Mr. Benny, no. Did I do something wrong, Professor? No, no, Mr. Benny. Perhaps it is my fault. But do you mind if I tell you something? No, no, of course not. After all, you're the teacher and you probably know more about the violin than I do. Thank you. Now, Mr. Benny, you are holding in your hand a very delicate instrument. The music from the violin is like the singing of the angels. Like the murmur of the breeze. Like the rippling of the brook. Now, play. Gee, it does sound like that, doesn't it? Mr. Benny, perhaps if you held the violin upside down. But Professor, I can't play that way. Let's try anything. But Professor, I don't think I'm good enough to do tricks yet. Very well. We will try it again. And this time I will help you. I will count off. Okay. Ready? One, two. Raise your little finger higher. Keep your nose up off the G string. A little softer while you're learning. Not so loud, my stomach's turning. Hold your boss or strokes a little. They should make you play for Hitler. Mr. Benny, Mr. Benny, the violin is an instrument that is supposed to soothe you, to calm you, to make you relax, to settle your nerves. The singing of the angels. The murmuring of the breeze. The rippling of the brook. Professor, Professor. Forgive me, Mr. Benny. I lost my temper. Oh, I wish it was my hearing. What? Never mind, never mind. We will proceed with the next lesson. Intermezzo. Intermezzo, that's what I like, that classical stuff. Proceed, please. Thank you. No, Mr. Benny, you must not go... You must go... Oh, oh, I see what you mean. Is that what you want? Mr. Benny, you must deedle on your feetle. A CC, senor. What are you doing with that? Oh, no, no, no, it's Spring Jackson. The little birdies can't take that. Phil, stop butting in. I'm taking a violin lesson. Well, who's the character with the silly mustache? Phil, please. I am Professor André Leblanc. Mr. Benny's music teacher. Hi, Andy. What are you here from Petrilla? Professor, this is Phil Harris, my orchestra leader. Oh, you fellow artist. I greet you. Funny you didn't do that when I came in. Well, it's just a French greeting, Jackson. They do that all the time. Oh, well, Phil, sit down while I finish my lesson, will you? Okay. Now, Mr. Benny, continue with Intermezzo. Mr. Benny, you are playing much too loud. Can't you play a little softer? Do you have a mute? No, but I can put a glove on my left hand. Why don't you throw a wet towel over the string? Now, Phil. Please, please, please, Mr. Harris, I am trying to teach Mr. Benny something. And you are driving me nuts, too. You said not be quiet, Phil, will you? I didn't smoke to think a cat had to die for this. God in this very disturbing. Who phone? One of the neighbors? No, the San Francisco conference. Stop making things up. I'm sorry, Professor. Well, never mind. Well, today the lesson is over. Through, finish, kaput. I will see you next week. Oh. Well, okay, Professor, but tell me, do you think you can make a great violinist out of me? Well, I think I can do something for you, but it will take time. How old are you? Why? How much time have we got left? Now, wait a minute, Professor. I know you're a great teacher, but if you don't like the way I play the violin, why did you take the job? I am working for that bien-quit dollar. Well, I'll see you next week, Professor. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Twenty-four years and all he knows is... Hey, if I wasn't so hungry, I wouldn't come back. Now, Phil, please go in the other room with Mary. Well, I want to practice a little more. Hey, Jackson, what's come over you all of a sudden? Practicing the violin and taking lessons and everything? Nothing, nothing. I just want to get rusty, that's all. Oh, no, you got something up your sleeve. Now, what is it? I have nothing up my sleeve. Now, get out of here and let me practice, or I'll put you out. You put me out? Yes. Let's see you do it. Okay, Jackson. Think better, Jack-o. Lucky strike means fine-to-back-o. Done, done. Let me practice. One and two and three and four, so free and easy on the drawer. Done, let me practice. Well, you cut it out. Lucky strikes, they are for me, and so is L-S-M-F-T. Done! Oh, my goodness, look what time it is. Hey, kids, kids, I've got to be leaving. I've got an appointment. Where you going, Jack? Oh, just out for a little walk. I'll be back. I knew you had something up your sleeve. I haven't got anything up my sleeve. Can a man have an appointment? Now, I've got to run along. I'll see you later. Well, what are you taking your violin with you for? I'm taking it by the music store to have it fixed. Now, so long, fellas. I'll see you later. Say, say, Phil, it's been quite a while. I wonder where he went. Well, I don't know, Don. I'm sure. And he took his violin with him. You believe what he said about taking it by the music store to have it fixed? Now, the way he plays that thing, how could he tell if it was busted? Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe he had an appointment with his dentist. No, he could have sent those. Yeah, that he could. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait until he gets home. Yeah, would you like to play some gin rummy, Murray? No, I don't think so. I'm a little tired of gin. How'd you like your little crabs, kid? Oh, don't be silly, Phil. Let's listen to the radio. Okay, I'll turn it on. And now, ladies, once again, I bring you the latest news on rationing. On August 1st, a new shoe stamp becomes valid. This stamp should not be confused with stamps X, Y, and G, which become valid August 5th, whereas the new shoe stamp becomes valid August 1st, which is two days after stamps M, L, and O expire. This leaves you stamps H, I, and W, which are blue, and are not to be confused with the red stamps, which are Q, R, and J. These stamps are to be used to buy, but then your grocer doesn't have any, and they will go down expire before he gets some. However, which are called meat stamps should be used to purchase butter in limited quantities, unless you prefer margarine, in which case you use stamp C, H, and E, which become valid after A, D, and Y become void before F, T, and H become valid. Copy this information down and understand it. Please send it to me as I am all bald up. All bald up in care of the station to which you are listening. Oh, get something else, Phil. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, are you a Los Angeles pedestrian? Are you suffering from bumper fatigue? And when you answer it, is it a wrong number? It is? Then you've got static in your attic. But why not try sympathy soothing soups for people who can't sleep? Just mix two drops of sympathy soothing syrup with one quart of gin. On this pleasant mixture, and when you go to bed, pull the cork up over you. Sympathy soothing syrup. Sympathy spelled backwards is utapimus. Y-A-T-A-P-M-Y-S. Gentlemen, a few weeks ago we got a letter from a man who was greatly helped by sympathy soothing syrup. And we have asked that man to come here tonight and tell you his own story. And what is your name, sir? Jack Benny. Yeah, so that's where he went, huh? And Mr. Benny, what is your profession? I'm a violinist, and it just happens that I brought along my violin, and I'd like to play... Now, Mr. Benny, how long ago did you start taking our product? About six months ago, and at that time I was very weak and run down. In fact, I used to get tired out from brushing my teeth. But after using three bottles of your sympathy soothing syrup, I can now brush my teeth without changing hands. Man was an emaciated, dried-up little weakling. A sickly, scrawny nincompoop. A hollow shell without ambition or courage. A spineless little jerk. Now, wait a minute. I wish you could see him now standing here straight and tall. The bloom of health in his cheeks. And his body bulging with muscles. Me? Who six months ago was a sickly, scrawny man. We want to thank you for coming up here tonight, and hope you will continue to enjoy such excellent health. Thank you, Mr. sympathy. Now, I have a little selection that I'd like... That concludes the interview. And now, ladies and gentlemen, a word on behalf of my... Tonight, folks, I'm going to play... Get away! Commercial to do it! But you told me if I came up here, I could play. I did not... Ladies and gentlemen, the news of Germany's collapse is bound to break any day now, and we will have cause for deep gratitude to our fighting men over there. But for thousands of other fighters in the Pacific, the E Day will be simply another day on which to fight, perhaps on which to die. The news of their comrades' victory in Europe will naturally raise their spirits. But we here at home can show our thanks by continuing our home front efforts for the victory yet to be won in the Pacific. We can prove to them that we will celebrate Germany's surrender by rededicating ourselves to the support of all wartime activities, and giving them all we have for an early defeat of Japan. Thank you. Zach, we'll be back in just a minute. But first here's my good friend, L.A. Speedrick. Quality of product is essential to continuing success, and lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco. The finer, the lighter, the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco. So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, lucky strike, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. The famous tobacco auctioneers heard on tonight's program are Mr. L.A. Speedrigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina. And Mr. Effie Boone of Lexington, Kentucky. And this is Basil Riesdale. There's real deep down smoking enjoyment in lucky strike, for lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco. Hey kids, I'm back. Where were you, Jack? Yeah, Jackson, what was the big secret? Well, if you must know, I made a guest appearance on a very high-class program. You did? Yes, and kids, I want to tell you that I was absolutely a sensation. I played a violin solo, they made me take four encores. Imagine four encores. Jack. What? We heard that program. Oh, wasn't it lousy? Good night. This is the National Broadcasting Company.