 you can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you are notified for when my next podcast goes live I'm Ben Moron and today's guest we've got Katie Price, Katie how are we? I feel like I'm on death row with you yeah you see nothing yeah how you been? no I've been good like when I got asked to do this pod I was like yeah I do it because I do a lot of pods and they're like Kate this one's different I went yeah it's fine and now I've met you now I'm like oh shit you said it's gonna get very deep but we don't mind that so I suppose this is getting called getting to know the price in a different way no one has seen before which I like because that's quite refreshing yeah it's about stripping on back hold a bullshit because you're probably on a different character every day of your life trying to not fit in but you've been in this industry for 30 years it's very damaging towards the brain it's very damaging especially the relationship you've been in things that you've done it's toxic but listen there's a lot of love in you as well and you can't take away from the fact that you're a great mother yeah and you're still in the industry for years later you've done so much which we'll touch on but first and foremost how are you I'm good I know I was late nearly two hours oh come on I was that you don't mean us what I had to deal with at home first because my little boy doesn't go to school at the moment and then it's just chaos in the house but I like chaos yeah your leaf been full of chaos which we'll touch on later on in interview balls like to go back to the start with my guests get more of an understanding about you where do you grow up how it all began so it's brought up with Brighton brought up with a lovely family work just a normal working class family and yeah had a good life I was just into my horses swimming gymnastics just very humble very family-orientated why is your real names another Katrina some was oh yeah my mom Katrina Amy Alexandria Alexa Simfield why so many ask my mom I think she wanted to put every auntie dead auntie or whatever and you know when you're younger they're like oh now I'm gonna name you after this one and that one so then when I was 16 I changed it to Katie price you paid like 50 pounds to get a solicitor to change your name got my mom and dad signature that I could do it and then Katie price I mean come on that is a big name I haven't even got a middle name now so why Katie please I hated Katrina just hate it now I'm older I don't care if I was called Katrina but when you're younger I hated it but Katie price it's just yeah oh yeah because my mom and dad remarried so I took the price that used to be infield price but then I just changed it to Katie price no reason is just I preferred it how well you at school hated school why so I didn't really listen I was much about just always I know this is really weird to say and I've got it in my all my school reports but I always said I'm gonna be famous I always said it and the teachers were like oh Kate's a dreamer she doesn't listen she's easily distracted and I think it's when I was 11 I did it for one of my TV shows I found one of my old school books an English book and on it it says what I want to do when I'm older was the title and in it I basically said I want to get married have a fairy tale have a big house horses lots of kids and I want to be a famous pop star or model and I wanted to have a black convertible jeep wearing a black cat suit and it all came true and now everything I wanted then has come true and beyond but I think once your dreams come true I don't I think it's an adult and you always there's always something else you aim for because I like to have goals to aim for otherwise I get bored I have to have something to aim for to make me do it what about the relationship with your mum and dad because they divorced at four is that correct they separated when I was at four so I can't really remember my real dad being about so basically my dad used to cheat on my mum because they were together for when they were 15 and then Paul my stepdad used to work for my dad and he used to give him money to take me my brother my mum out and then he ended up falling for my mum so my mum ended up with him and obviously not my dad so they didn't get on for the first few years but now like they're all friends and that and like with a walk down the aisle with both dads do it how much does that affect you because we spoke earlier about abandonment in the broken home and how much do you think that moulds you for being older threatened not looking for the father figure is sought but something they needy they neediness and looking for that male more role model I don't think you really think about until I had therapy because a lot of it through therapy goes to childhood and I didn't know that everything that happens in your childhood affects you when you're older which might be why I was always needy for a guy to have that kind of father figure I don't know not that I was looking for a father figure but just that male comfort even though I had it from a stepdad like I would look at him as my dad and I had my real dad so I don't know really ways did you get into modeling well I modeled when I was about 11 for Joe blogs jeans I don't know I just got asked to do it and there was a photographer on it called keys quant well that wasn't actually his real name but we thought it was and then after that he's to take me to his house near New Haven in Brighton and my mum would drop me off with my nanny said I would just do some photos where because I've got a child model agency and so I'll do pictures like sticking my tongue up but it have been suspenders and all of that but my mum never watched it I didn't know any difference he's like yeah we're gonna make you a model make you a model and I remember he used to make this pineapple drink I didn't like it so I never drunk it and I remember one day we was there and he wanted me to put a shirt on wet and we have nothing underneath and he had a woman there and I said oh no I know I don't wear it I'll be too cold and they're like no it's fine we put hot water on it you know we make it warm and I was like oh no no I don't want to do it and I was thinking where's my mum and I don't want to do it and then after we never went back but he used to ring me on the phone and that but he was seemed so legit to my mum you know and then we had police protection turn up at the door and he'd gone into prison because he had 11 different names 11 different bank accounts he was in there for sexual stuff with girls and he used to drug him with that drink and apparently he was obsessed with me had pictures all over his cell and they said if he ever comes out or tries to contact you I have to get in touch with him so that was my first sort of stuff that brush with modeling and then I was trained to be a nurse a registered nurse when I left school and then not that far into it one of the girls was a photographer and she kept saying oh you should be a model I mean I was ugly I still don't feel anything on that I know how to work in front of a camera but I'm not the pretty prettiest of girls so we did some pictures on Brighton Beach in a lunch hour she sent them off to an agency called Samantha Bond in Kings Road so I was too short for fashion and then when and saw her I don't even remember Joe Guest and all of that she had all pictures of her all Joe Guest Emma Noble some of the pastry girls I couldn't even name them now and I remember looking thinking I'd love to be famous like them and then within a week I was in the Sun for five days you know there was a film called strip tease Demi Moore had done a film strip tease so I took a item of clothing off for five days but before I did it they said we'll have to change your name because if you get known to do pastry could stop you doing other work so we just come up with the name Jordan just went through different names they said what about Jordan I said all that would do literally just like that and then I've never turned back it's just happened from there was it like doing page three for the first time loved it I'm an exhibitionist I remember my dad's 30th I was up 14 and I turned up all in leather don't ask me why like just turn I just always now and on non-uniform days I'd wear cat suits and stuff like that I knew I was always different how other people were is that to be different or to crave attention from just wanted to be different and then I've had incidents with men I was raped in a part when I was seven I could still remember the guy's face now not that I think that affects anything in my life then one of my dad's friends tried to rape me in a toilet and then he fell out with him and then I've had a guy that's tried to duck me in the car so my mum was very protective wouldn't let me have paper rounds or anything like that which is alright because I ended I was always at the horses anyway we'll swim him but there's always been incidents with guys so my mum was very protective yeah my daughter doesn't have sleep overs she fucking hates me for it but that's the the reason why because I don't have you enough people to understand people a lot of people are men and women majority come from men of course but and they do it to people and it might not be the parents my kids going to stay with but could be the brother the uncle the granddad and I'm not take that risk because I know I've been a subject to it and it's not everybody goes through it but I'm not willing to take that risk it's not worth it honestly and then obviously I start the industry and then there was a famous person he raped me because I'm afterwards because I don't do one I stands in that and I said to my friend I said no I said it's definitely right definitely rape me and then not long ago after all these girls come out about this particular guy and they went oh my god Kate you was right why don't you go to the police but I didn't want to be involved in the scandal and how hard does that for you because coming from the porn industry or the page 3 you've not really get anything leverage to then play with because people automatically think you're a slut because you're getting a tattoo but is it more difficult for someone and that industry to speak out do you think because of well when I when I look back at my career I would I was doing no different to any other young girl I take the model into the side but when I'd go out where small little outfits boobs out but that's what you did at that age and it's you know people would get me a picture coming out for nightclubs looking worse for wear or the worst pictures so I suppose that gave me the image of the party girl but I'd always be the one out of the group of my friends who would look like the slut the dick priest or the easy fuck whereas at the end of the night it wouldn't be me it'd be my friends that go home and I'd like to see her and not do nothing but I think it was the way I want and then I did all the loading magazines FHM I was like a sex object basically one decade girls of the year all these medals I mean I was the pin up then and girls hated me absolutely hated me so I used to hang out with Michael Greco and from my room Gary Lucy Dean Caffney all that lot I loved Dean all of us China whites Wednesday night then it was like red cube we're like all these places sugar eave they were such good days but girls hated me because of the job that I did so we never had the support from the male or female never so I was always hanging out with men and then I knew what these men were like who I'd hang out with not just them other men what they were like behind their missus is back so it's like I know the tricks in the books what they do hi darling yeah I'm just going out put further yeah I'm coming to me yeah we're gonna fuck tonight so like I ain't I just knew how men were playing and in my mind men weren't faithful no people are surrounded with a faithful every guy I've been with have cheated on me so it's sort of like doesn't give you that self-worth does it because I'm like why have they cheated on me like what have I done wrong so I suppose it stemmed from them and then you end up meeting the wrong ones because you know you hear them say oh yeah you're they're sure you're gorgeous and you're like that's about time I find someone like that and then soon as you're involved then the red flags start saying and then you're too involved and then they start controlling you and then this that and it just happens all the time which is now with like with the therapy I've had I realize I was in toxic relations and two toxic people don't work you have to set boundaries and you know make things clear from the start how things are for any man doesn't matter what man it is and so some will admit it and some won't for a missies but for me as a protector I wouldn't want my missies having a tits out I wouldn't want my missies and babes it's nothing to do with being confident or whatever it's because I'm a protector wouldn't want my fucking daughter doing it my mum my sister wouldn't want them doing it so men see you as an object so they want that but then when they get it the jealousy kicks in and it's in controlling baby I was like I love bombing and it's that all the usual suspects if you know it was so toxic why didn't you leave because you don't know at the beginning and then they know what you do in the beginning they're fine with it but I think when they fall in love is when they can't handle it and then it's I'm in a situation where like but you know what I've done you know my past you know what I do like I don't do it now but back in that day I know I do only fans but I don't go topless and show anything back in the day I'll do topless but that's all I knew I didn't know any different that that's all I've known my whole life is to be in front of a camera and pose and model that's all I've ever known so it's really hard for someone to come and say why are you doing that putting me down I'm like well hang on look what I've made in my life like when you meet me I'm I might have that image but I'm not that person what I mean is I don't go out dressed like it like now I've got the biggest boobs I've ever had but you'll never see me with a mouth ever so do it for me I don't know I'm a really weird complicated person to work out no but everybody's pretty yeah I'm switched on I act stupid it's just easier to do that but doesn't mean some people take advantage of my kindness as a weakness sometimes so there's been times in the past we'd all go out the build always come to me and then like one day I thought you know what when the bill comes I'm gonna go to the toilet and let's see who pays and no one did and I'm like it got to point my thing am I paying for my own entertainment here because I don't need to do that there be people who can come out to places who want to pay or offer or so I've been through all of that as well people use me to think of what parties they can get people being with me to get a blue tick on Instagram I've just been there and I just say to myself most of my exes are calling mr. prices because I've made them something well that's my own fault for entering it I don't know when was the first time you were in love I felt as if you're in love probably Dane Dane powers what age was that I was about 18 19 when did you go to formula one because you worked for Jordan's accurate yeah it must have been about 1920 and I was with Ralph Schumacher how long for I was well I don't really go into detail about it but yeah that was a strange one but the thing is well I said it in my book he didn't get into first gear because I thought I just I don't even know if it's out there I don't even know I think everyone knows where everyone knows he's gay but I don't think I don't come from my mouth the touch a kitty breeze and it's wicks I could tell when you're in bed just the way he had touched my boo but I just I could just tell in public it was all effectual but in bed it was like fucking how he outfitted his he don't want to do nothing like I just thought is it fucking gay and then a few years ago literally it was the night I called Kiran fucking my best friend on the beach on holiday my brother rang me and said Cora Schumacher's rang me she's really trying to get hold of you enough what was that Michael Schumacher's other half and it wasn't it was Cora who Ralph had been married to and I said to my brother she can only be ringing me for one reason it's either if Ralph's getting in contact with me or to see if Ralph is gay and I was right she was telling me all about him and apparently she's the second person I was the first she was the second person like girl they've been with I was there so we had a conversation there so that was back in the Ralph days and that was too posh for me oh my god I remember he wanted to fly me everywhere going to the Ritz he was doing his pilot license and he was in Miami I mean hide the whole top floor penthouse and it was just too posh for me like I remember trying to eat with them all and I was just felt so uncomfortable like I don't know it was just too like posh for me where does the lack of so you're someone who portrays themselves as confident front of magazines everything you do but I am very confident I'm very vulnerable yeah but where there's a lack of when you talk about yourself sometimes you put yourself down even just being to you from 10 minutes where does that come from is that come from men quite humble I don't look I've done a lot in this industry met a lot of people and I'm not someone who picks up label I've met that person I've been to that person and I respect places I've been to and parties I've been to things I've seen go on I never repeat because I respect people's privacy the only reason I mention that Ralph thing because it was in my book but it's like I always wish people would be like that with me it never happens people sell me out but I don't know I've just always been quite humble grounded I think there's a lot of my friends I've known since school and my family don't like it and there was like yeah if you've got ever above your boots we bring you down but I think the horses keep me grounded having Harvey young age you know knowing about all the stuff he's got it's like I had to grow up quick I grow up but I'm not a kid as well I can't explain it I could be really mature like when I'm in the houses of comments and I argue and I do in debates then I put on my like shirt yeah I mean business but then an hour late when I'm at home I'm like Kevin and Perry go large oh someone put the on like I don't know I've got I'm the same person but I just can adapt in different situations yes different faces for different places yeah I'm still the same person I'd still like I'll be in a room and I know I can test the waters to how far I can go if I can have Joe banter or Kate just keep around shut but that's all coping mechanisms yeah remember all from all the shit that trauma do that I don't think yeah I know I can you could take me anywhere in any situation and I'll adapt in it and I don't think many people could cope with that yeah but like I say because you've been through trauma you've adapted to the pain to get over the like I say the shit that you went over they went through as a kid that's yeah normal that's not I've had lots of trauma kidnapped threats hijacked I've had it all how did you meet Dan Bevels film premier it's weird because when I was young he used to drive around on my Range Rover and just have loads of clothes in the boot because you never know if your friends like don't come out there and I remember I was on my way home from a shoot and my friends said ah why don't you come to this I think it was Will Smith so I can't remember what Premier it was called but it was a Will Smith film and I was actually seeing a Tottenham player John Scales sort of on and off and I don't know my friends said come out and I remember another level were quite big in the group and we happen to all be in the same place and Dane was there and then came over to talk to me and I remember seeing John Scales over and he wanted to talk to me so I was like oh what do I do here because I wasn't committed to John although I'd seen him and then Dane then I ended up partying with Dane that night and then I ended up being with Dane but John was like John's such a nice guy how was Dane was that not an abusive relationship oh he cheated on me bad oh my god so bad and my friend sent it to me he went to do a gig in Ibiza and there was a Dutch she sent me a clip said okay I think you need to see this there was a dance on it going oh yeah I was with Dane Bowers he's going out with that FHM model Jordan haha all that and I remember what she think is you fucking what so I was trying to get this video and then I got it so when Dane came back because we lived together I said Dane I've got something to show you he says what I said just sit down I've got something to show you like that and I put it on I said so you're gonna fucking explain that then and I said you know denied it and I knew because then he went out of Sarah Bosnitch when he did the song with Victoria Beckham suddenly I wasn't allowed to go away because they suddenly wasn't enough room then he ended up with Sarah Bosnitch who was Victoria's friend I I've just been betrayed and lied to and everything were you ever pregnant with him yeah I got rid of it yeah don't want to baby then how was that for you fine I could just say it fine you know women do these things how far along were you I don't know but I've been weeps but you know yeah what he's here I can't even remember you want about something like 20 or years ago I remember what about the thing with Gareth Gates yeah I took his virginity when I was six months pregnant what you're asking me what you're looking at was that just because I was pregnant I don't say I can't have a boyfriend and how did the relationship with where you start well I was out in a nightclub and I decided that night I wanted to dress as a police woman don't ask me why because that was just what I was like and I remember being in a club called Attica and I was just walking through the crowd and I felt a tap on my shoulder I looked round just saw these guys look and they're sort of going like that to Dwight and then he come up to me and I didn't even have a fucking clue who he was and then my friends like oh that's Dwight and these friends like come and sit with us so that sort of started from there I made him wait about a month or longer before I had sex with him or stuff like our typical footballer you're not gonna fuck me like that then I started seeing him and then I fell pregnant he didn't want it and so I tried to abort Harvey three times went to the abortion clinic thinking no I don't want a baby but I went like three times sitting there they put you in the gown and I thought are we gonna have to have my white sandwiches in an hour cake because when you wake up from anesthetic they give you your marmite sandwiches and I remember sitting there thinking actually why can't I have this baby if he doesn't want it I can support it myself I don't need him I don't know just someone stopped me aborting him I don't know so I didn't decided to keep him and then the following week I'd already done a cover of Loaded Magazine with Gabby Richens she was seeing Aldi Harrison the boxer and Dwight was pictured walking up for club holding her hand so I was like you're hot he denied it but you see the holding hands walking up the club so he cheated on me with her and that was it so I all I did then was sent him the pregnancy but you know of stages when you're pregnant didn't want to come to any scans but I'd always send him a picture and the pages of it because I thought if the baby whenever it's old I don't want him ever to come back and say why didn't you involve my dad always said he couldn't be involved never never taken a penny off him don't want his money could shove it up his ass so I decided to keep half and I did and that's the best thing I ever did see when you've got the scans and stuff obviously we'll touch on Harvey's disabilities but any till till scenes through the scans nothing best pregnancy I've ever had best easiest pregnancy in fact he didn't want to come out I was three weeks late and had to induce me he's quite happy in my belly while the sounds of things best pregnancy they said he'll be small but then when it come out was 8.13 he wasn't small and they said if they knew he was that big they would have given Mrs. Aaron because my hips were small worst pain ever ever so I had him my mum and that told why that was going into labor because I just never would want my child to be like why didn't evolve my dad didn't want him in the room with me when I was given birth I had my mum and my best friend but even after he was at the hospital but he didn't even want to cut the cords and my dad cut it I didn't want to cut the cord don't know and then when he did see him he was like what are these bruises on him because they look like bruises on him on Harvey and I was really like take him back after giving birth what do mean his bruises but they're called Mongolian blue spots if you're mixed race you they they're called Mongolian blue spots you get them they look like bruises on you and that was it really I think you've seen Harvey about nine times in his life I don't think he liked it that I was with Pete so I remember one time I was in the car he was in the back and he said to me it should be me in the front there you in the back was a bit like all so I don't know if it's because he couldn't have me or half till this day I've never know I've tried to send him pictures of Harvey on Instagram Harvey playing the piano just ignores everything doesn't want to know but the doors always open always why because I don't know because I'm like that I'm like really I should say fuck off you asshole you don't deserve and you've not been part of it because I don't know I just think if he saw half and saw how amazing he is for him to be like fucking out I haven't seen what lies he's my logical son any man can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a dad in my eyes but it's still he's biological son and I suppose to prove him wrong that because when he found out he was blind and all of this he was like oh he never played golf he never played football because of you and it's all it's not my fault is it I done all the tests at Great Ormond Streets for their when they do all these tests when things are abnormal and stuff so they can use it for experiments or find and out things just don't know why it happened to know just one of them things and then none of my other kids have been like it's just one of them things I don't know when did you start seeing those tell-tale scenes of something mate you've been about a mess with Harvey at the start when he was a few got kids you got kids you know the how I can't bear how visitors but anyway six weeks old they sort of say that has he done his social smile basically when they look at younger whether it's wind or not you know sometimes when they have wind they do that smile and I said I don't really know really and they're like because I had a lot of mobile thing for him you know of the things that hang and she said does he follow us and well no not really so she put a torch in his eye and he wasn't following the torch so she said oh it boys can be a bit delayed but maybe go and see your GP and then from them I thought oh here we go what's it's for her to say that so when I saw Dr. Khan our doctor still family doctor and he looked in his eyes he went yeah Kate this this isn't really normal for this age I think it was about eight weeks then by the time I got the appointment so he said go to Moorfields Eye Hospital in Brighton so I went with my mum sitting there in the reception room you know you've got other people in there you know like in a doctor surgery you sit there like I wait to be next so we took Harvey in I can't my thing's name was Professor Moor and I remember sitting there with my mum and he was getting all his stuff out looking in his eyes and it suddenly just went as blatant as this yeah he's blind yeah he's blind and then my mum looked to each other like whoa he's definitely blind when yeah he's blind and we're like right he goes yes sorry about that and we just sat there like right and that was it we just left the room no like oh we can give you advice or there's these people you want to I don't know we walked out the room like that it is blind like now what like we were just left in limbo like we just when told he's blind just like that you know when you go and see a doctor and it's like yeah he's blind and then we come out we're like he's blind and then on the way home we're like my mom was like really upset but I still couldn't believe like he's blind what that means they never walk will he walk will he need to stick what happens like you don't expect he like blind like we just don't know and then when you look at him then you could sort of see his eyes because they sort of moved a little bit different and it just made me love him more to be honest because I'd look at him think I'm gonna protect you so much more I wouldn't let anyone hold him I was very like no he's mine I'd only let certain people hold him I was like obsessed he come everywhere with me but then you would notice his eyes and then as he got a bit older no the hospital admitted because he started drinking a lot of water and then my mum found these charities Blatchington Court and they're with kids who are blind disabilities and stuff so we had dropping sessions and it was only talking to the other mums that they said oh I bet he's got SOD which means septic optic dysplasia and they're like is he drinking a lot of water and all of that as well because that's what happened with our son you need to go and see a doctor called Dr. Duttonie a great almost treat but you need to be referred by your doctor so we did that it's a Harvey at this point was about six seven months old so we took him there straight away Dr. Duttonie said he's got SOD we'll give you this medication this medication we're like how was this not picked up by the doctors so Bryson they wrote a letter and admitted when they did an MRI scan on Harvey they were looking at the eye the optic nerve and on it showed his maturity gland which is the front line gland at the front of your brain and it was abnormal but they didn't pick up on it and if they did they would have given them the medication to not starve him as much as much so he wouldn't have been how he is today does that make sense but we didn't sue them because we're like well when it is happened now and we need the NHS for him and then as he got a bit old he didn't walk he used to sit there not talk I suppose he'd just sit there like that and you'd give him things in his hands to try and play with and then weird my mum would find someone to come up to help stimulate him with his eyes this that sounds so he just didn't walk till he was in a wheelchair I think till he was about 11 and then we found out he was autistic when he was about four so he didn't speak I used to make his clothes because he was so fat I couldn't and luckily I like sewing I've got free sewing machine so no one knows about me I make the curtains in my house and so I used to just make him a laster weights weighted elastic wasted tracksuit bottoms because he'd be in size 14 year old bottoms from the middle but they obviously they're too long so I'd make his tracksuits and stuff but he just used to sit there and just not do anything just make the odd noise but then he taught me his language and it went on from there didn't eat had only liked certain foods and I think we just kept doing everything we can to stimulate his eyes stimulate them and now he can definitely see someone because he knows all his colors and does drawings so I think his typo is reads 48 I think it is like his iPad he holds here so I used to be worried about his eyes then my mom looked into stem cells and then I said you know what mom Harvey doesn't know any different so why would you want to put a pair of new eyeballs in his eyes that would probably freak him out because he's got so used to how he is now but my problem with him now is not his eyes it's his behavior because now he's got ADHD opposite deficit disorder Prada Willys which he's never full up so he just wants to eat but affects his behavior he's caught his soul deficient so you have to watch the amount of water and that he has basically he's on medication for life if he doesn't take it or die other than that yeah his eyes aren't the problem it's the other side but if you see him in the house he walks around as if he knows the house but soon as you take him outside then you notice it because he's like that on the ground holds you like but I wouldn't change anything about him I wouldn't change anything because he lives like a king how angry does that make you towards men because every man it's coming to your life is left let's be honest yeah every man every man you've trusted a man you've loved to have left Harvey's not because it's your son of course but any man who doesn't stand up to the plate no matter how the relationship is with the mother is a weak man and the same goes for the mother mother mothers who hold their kids away from the father are the worst on the planet but as people were out there I use their kids yeah I would never do that and with Harvey every time he sees what he just loves me from he doesn't judge me because he doesn't know how doesn't know how to blackmail he's just the most pure innocent man and he's 22 in May but he's not in a baby's body but just loves me wants my cuddles just wants love having a laugh and he's so simple as long as you give him a carrot cake some twisty crayons he's happy because relationships can become toxic and with your lifestyle and stuff as well I can imagine it be hard for men as well to come into your life because it is a great show but Dwight's coming from the football background and it's it's sad to see because if any if your kids you think that would make them want to spend more time with their kids and my own mind to try and protect them and guide them through life because you got a lot of stick as well at the start when the I had it all that he wasn't the dad he's too white to be Dwight's because he was quite white when he was born it says that it's in the papers yeah and then he didn't believe that he was his and I went to do the birth certificate I said well don't be on it then but it did turn up and he was on it then he wants to do a DNA test and I said if you want to do a DNA test to be on the birth certificate don't bother like I'm not a slag I know I've been with like I'm not I don't sleep around anyway you could see it's his whether we did a DNA or not I don't know but he knows he's his and then so yeah it did cross my mind God if I ever meet a guy they've got not just accept me some people are racist you know they are and they might want to know that I've got a kid with a black man because there are racist people out there and he's got disabilities it's quite hard to see even that from man to come in my life but if you forward it on I've got five kids by two different dads all see it three fucking hell honey remember I don't know I know what I mean I have more aggravation with the dads with the kids I have now than anything Harvey's the most complex hardest one and I get no ag from no one if anything doctors are always okay you're amazing with him he's never been in hospital for missing medication nothing like that and then if I do meet guys it's hard because you've got me to handle on my own which I'm a handful not like that I'm just quite lively and stuff want to have fun but then you've got to meet the kids and it's like five times the amount of me see I don't see that what I see is ready-made family but what I see is vulnerability as well all that shit that you do is an act it's all bullshit it's just a show it's all bullshit because what you've had to do is then go through all the trauma and pain that you went through as a kid you've had Harvey you've had to get your masculine energy as well so it must be difficult for a man because you're playing both roles yeah so it's difficult because you don't know who the fuck yeah all you know is you're a strong independent woman try to do something which is fucking raise kids and like you say Harvey with all the disabilities that a poor kid had and then try to make something of his life and show him the love it takes a lot it takes a lot of draining and stuff try to put food on their move and have a career yeah and the same time getting battered this that which I know and then yeah so after the kids and people forget I'm a single parent mum running the ship you know the exes have had what they've had off me um even though you say that you've taken a pick of any man I don't even know you say that as well you've still got off them because it is it does run both ways we can sit here and slaughter every ex but like you say you're not easy either so we know what's happened with stuff it's not yeah it must be difficult the thing is with the press they do team this or team that and they don't want to put the truth in because they like a villain I'm always the villain despite knowing the truth that's why when my mum's book come out she was allowed to put a lot of truth next she wasn't gagged I was gagged why do people gag people because they don't want the truth out you remember that and I'm not here I've got stuff on exes that I know I could put out and I never have done because I'm not that kind of person so I sit back let them destroy me and it's over and done with I've learned in therapy don't tolerate don't reply back ignore which is so hard for me to have to learn to do but I've done it but like you know Jess what I've got what I could put out on the wall bad it will destroy but I don't do it why because I'm not that kind of person I just don't want the drama and the only dramas I get is from men so you mean you see you don't want the drama always felt was if you caused the drama if I'm honest people think that yeah because it's where I might have retaliated and done myself no benefit and then before you know it's in the paper so now I just say nothing just let them destroy and ride the tide ride the tide there's got to be peace it's not normal to keep having the stress these dramas but I think most of it is the frustration because it's like it's not true what they're saying that's not true why are they getting away with this because they know I'm not going to do it back to them one couple of them gagged and then the others it's just not worth it I can't be asked celebrity celebrity jungle big part of your life you met Pete yeah another two amazing kids yeah how was it going into the jungle were you going in single were you going in with no what the first yeah a week before I called my boyfriend with the stripper on the sofa who was us Scott who's he Scott Sullivan I think he married a girl from made in Chelsea and I was like well I'm going in the jungle and that was it was I met Pete like an escape I loved the jungle I did it twice didn't I loved it if anyone could do that show that is the show to do and how was it feeling obviously you've got married had two beautiful kids but did you feel I just don't think the marriage now what I know but he too is dead looking loving if I'm honest that's probably one of the best teams I've ever seen yeah everyone thinks that but there's all these TikToks that are out now when people look at them now and think fucking hell he was like that with her like I thought it was love but knowing what I know and what I've got there was nothing we did without a camera because we had the same manager and it was like everything we did birthdays there was nothing that we did not own without anything so when you look back at that it's not really a relationship either is it that was TV cameras magazines the whole of it whose idea is that the manager's ideas are using I can't even remember days when the manager wasn't there because she managed Pete 15 years before that's money that's money she even told us when we could hold hands in front of the camera when I look back at what when you're in love with someone you're just like yeah yeah I'll do it because I love him I'll do it all but when I look back I'd like to say we was in love well I was but when I've seen emails or stuff like if you stick with that Jordan it will make your career this you start to double question things do you think you were getting used yeah I do absolutely because towards the end when we lived in Malibu he was doing an album about breaking up with me and then we broke up in May when we did the marathon and then his song come out about breakups in his relationships why would you do that three months before if you're with someone if you knew the whole story it would all make sense but I'd be here all day but how much is it your life then become a circus act we don't know what's love I don't it's hard it's hard to know someone's for me for me or what they can get out of me because I think when people are actually with me they get to see me as me like I'm family I'm like loyal I'm not high maintenance well I do everything myself I don't rely on a man I think men can find that hard because I'm independent I'm very independent I've got to the stage where I don't need a man or want a man if I want a man it's because I want them not because I need one whereas before it's because I needed a man now it's like I want if I want a man because I want want to be a man not because I need a man how was it pregnant with your setting child were you nervous um old junior that was I always thought oh my god is he gonna turn out to be blind yeah was he that's yeah so when he was born I'd be like that all the time on his eyes is he looking is he looking all the time and he was fine then the same with princess is she looking oh my god I thought there was something wrong for she was so ugly she had the biggest eyes I thought she had internas to see where they got these biggest eyes and I remember I kept saying to the doctors you sure there's nothing wrong for look at her because her eyes was so but she looked like a minion like an alien she was the most ugliest baby ever ever and even princess admits that we look at pictures she's like mom look how ugly I am but she's so beautiful now but I loved her so much but she was an ugly kid she really was because for me is many women need each other I think everybody goes on about masculinity and femininity and all this bullshit many women have got both you can get into whatever role you want but for me it's the nurture that's a love you seem to have always wanted to be a mother you seem to have always wanted to be but you always you couldn't really strive towards that nurture side because you're always getting fucked over so you had to then become masculine you had to then become tough and strong see when you were in the relationship with Pete and you had to because did you feel completely do you feel that was life or do you always feel something I was always the more like when we did jobs together I'd always get more money to make sure we have separate contracts I think you found that a bit hard as well but it was like well hang on you've just been in you've just turned up in the jungle I've already got a career going on you had a song like how many years ago like you need to earn it and this is the truth I made Pete again I don't care when he says I made him again he was no one before he went in the jungle and that's the true that's not me being a bitch he'd done that one here like 10 years ago and I think he forgets where he came from because he had absolute nothing when I'm nothing he was sharing a flat with his brother and sister in Cyprus nothing they were running a gym how was it going through a divorce was that your first divorce the worst ever before I was weak I had a top lawyer Fiona Shackleton they were just hardcore and I think when we split the media fuck me just went for me 10 years of it destroyed me in every way possible it was Pete couldn't do anything wrong everything I did bop bop bop years tarnished me bad hurt me bad mentally bad bad bad bad bad so I always thought you had some sort of control with the media no like even now like if there's pictures I'm in a magazine nothing to do with me like we came up on the train today and the man behind the desk said oh you're in front of a magazine this week I went am I what have I done this week like we had to look they're talking about how I'm getting married like I'm getting proposed to in a few weeks I'm like what where's this come from they just make shit up make it up every day I'm in the press over something every bloody day I don't know why why I don't care they never write about me again because if they're going to write some at least write some of the truth because it's so now mentally does me here because I'm just where I let my barriers down with it therapy now and let it all out I am a human I know to people I'm a product but I'm still a human and I do our feelings and it's to the point where I just don't take it anymore like it does hurt and as much as I just don't read it it does somewhere register up here yeah but I never forget yeah it's always registered in somewhere so I can walk out some people love me or hate me trolls I don't really read what they say I'll do when it comes to my son because I'll protect him the others like June and Princess they're so smart with it all anyway they've just been brought up to know how to deal with stuff but um no not everyone's gonna love your hate me but unfortunately they judge me like if I if I was an outsider looking in at me I would think trash this that rare and it was because that's how the media have portrayed it but the media did make you as much as well as I loved my relationship with the media like it's always a game it's like a monopoly game you give them something you get something bad and it was really fun back in the days fun loved it but it's not like that now I think journalism is so bad they're not just bad on me they're bad on everyone English press are brutal and it's not fun anymore I love the days like like my press calls their return I know what they would want and they give it back to me or do you know I mean it is so different these days now than what it was there fair game you know I loved it I still love my job I love reality I love photoshoot I love doing it and I would never change it but a thing I would change would be journalism's I think there's bad journalism's out there to write the worst story to keep their jobs and be brutal not check on anything and even if they do check them say it's not true they still print it's a wife and buffer asking how do you deal with the trolls with Harvey well I've tried to set up that law Harvey's law and track a troll that's been going on for years we're nearly at the end of that one now all they're trying to decide is when does it become a criminal offence how far do you go now we all know if we write something if it's bad or not you know how they punish him how did you deal with when Frankie Boyle was meeting jokes on stage about Harvey well I'd done a program and and we tried to doorstep him and all of that to get a comment from him and he wouldn't but my argument there just as he's comedian doesn't give him an excuse to go on stage and say these things because if any of his kids wife or anyone had a car accident and they were paralyzed from the neck down saying he had to become their carer and no really well it's like to look after someone like that would he go on stage and take the piss then no that's my view always be careful what you say I can have a joke you can have a joke we can all be matter of fact and have a joke but there is a bit of a limit you know what I mean and the fact picking on a kid that can't defend himself it's like if you're gonna say so at least pick on someone who can defend himself so after the divorce you've got three kids which divorce the first one yeah what happens with police then oh I was introduced to someone couldn't that is the most biggest rebound regret in my life Roxanne yeah I was married to Roxanne worst thing ever mentally damaged me the scenes are seen things I had to do I was in and out of that as quick as I could I didn't even know that man and man or Roxanne I was in and out as quick as I could that is just awful were you married and that one Vegas awful worse worse person ever that would not for me because when he speaks so he says you're the worst ever he does it for press I had to go to court for him he had a baby with Shuntown she was that desperate because he lied to court about what he's like with their kid I didn't know her I even had to go to court to help her about her kid because he lied about a lot of things and I had it on my phone showed the judge and he didn't really have a leg to stand on I think he was bitter because he wanted to keep a lifestyle he had and I remember one of my kidnap threats I had all Scotland yard at my house and we were divorcing and I had um Scotland yard police looping outside my room on a camp bed he wouldn't leave my house and he thought the police were there for him because I wasn't allowed to tell him I've had a kidnap threat and um oh there's loads I could go on there the notes that they made on him and who he brought back to my house and slept with in my bed um absolute just not for me like I am very open minded open minded sexually I am open to anything but that just got a bit too cd disturbing and mentally disturbing for me and I thought I've got kids I can't have my kids around this everyone's different what they want to have but I didn't really know him see me I can throw that life then how do you then put it this way we had a pink apparatus in our bedroom basically it was a fucking machine and it was in pink my mum and my housekeeper for it was a gym equipment and moved it into my gym they didn't even know what it was like far those are fucked up days had to lock my dress and run up because it nickel underwear and stuff and wigs like it was wrong you want a man to be a fucking man I don't want to be the man well at least I know what strap on is now wearing your knickers like that that industry is fucking was he like that before he met you or did you turn them like that no my friend went to juice well they used to muck about and say if you met Roxanne yet I went to the fucks Roxanne and then I asked I said you dress as a woman he went no like if there's fancy dress I'll dress up why would it bother you if I was a woman like dressed up I went well not if it's fancy dress no and then all the time why I was tested and I remember one night we had a drink and I thought right that little gremlin in my mind do you want me to put some makeup on you let me put some makeup on you open to counterworms and saw the change the voice everything changed really weird it'd be like hello like so fucked up I was like whoa out do you think you can manipulate because you're on it as well even though you play but I'm open for anything but you you're very on it you're on it as well I don't know like I say I'm not quite good at getting things out people if you can manipulate the scenarios the minute come into your life you know exactly what to do what to say and obviously you're trying to get whatever the fuck you're getting but that thing like that of course because I wanted to know is this real was this really it and then it just got worse and worse I'd turn up to house parties he'd disappear and then come down dressed as a woman and that and my friends were like okay what are you doing it was actually embarrassing like embarrassing like no not for me what happened after that relationship then Kieran oh so I was not in a good place when I met him really not in a good place and I suppose he said the right things how did you meet through friends again but it's so there's a few not been in a good place so that's fucking fair I happen the past six years I weren't well six years I weren't swiping in the private twice um I suppose I never felt myself net didn't know about therapy didn't know about all of that um met him then it was so on my case I deleted him remember bbm messaging deleted him because I was like fucking now he's on my case then he ran we said have you just deleted me so uh oh no I don't think I did and I said to my friends oh let's just fucking meet him so it's all of my gay friends invited him at my house and I thought are we shy this that and then five weeks I just married him nuts and then I was pregnant three months into it he started the affair of my friend for 25 years and my other friend of 25 years he had was with her 10 months the other one a year and a half so I called him on the beach then it was the nanny of 10 months because I got into his phone I saw it all I used his fingerprint saw it all then it was the wedding planner um so yeah but I was pregnant both times with him and then I just sat enough I couldn't I couldn't keep saying okay I'll forgive you I'll forgive you I'll forgive you and then when it's your friends it's like it feels like murders around you like I've lost him lost my best friend lost my other friend like who the fuck can I trust here got that bad how long you married him for I was with him I think five years but then I had two kids we I know it's a long time but he said he changed I got into therapy and then I found he had sex addiction but he was so he's so clever clever just knows how to manipulate situations so clever I've got to give it to him clever clever man is it hard to leave these relationships when there's kids involved if I haven't got a happy home I won't stay with a man I wouldn't stop the dad seeing him but I wouldn't want my kids being in a room with arguments and that because kids remember that oh you want your kids being happy I know you can argue like what you're watching on the telly let me watch it there's arguments and there's arguments and like yeah I don't want my kids around that when was the first time you'd done therapy um it was all in the past when I first went to the priory as an impatient when was that five years ago I think just recently five or six years ago but I've been in twice yeah why did you not go earlier so I didn't know about it didn't deny I didn't think I needed help I had to keep everything in said well yeah I'm fine I'm fine of course I could cope I'm fine when inside you're unbroken you just get on with it like a robot just get on with it get on with it were you drinking heavily no I've never been a drinker um when I met Kiran he introduced me to coke and that's why I went in therapy because I started self medicating to block everything out it's all in my book so it's nothing new um but I've never been in the priory for addiction like it's it all people find coping mechanisms to cope um and it just wasn't me I didn't want to be that person like just didn't know what to do so then yeah I ended up in for traumatic rehabilitation psd when you go in there you have to see all the therapists and stuff they assess you all you do your blood tear ccgs everything you have to you can't just go there and say well I'm going to be an impatient you have to be testing and all that properly so I thought I wish it was addiction it's cheap like three and a half grand a week when it's PTSD it's eight and a half grand a week and I'll pay for myself but no unfortunately I wasn't in there for addiction it was PTSD twice what was it like reading your first book what the very first one I can't even remember now be nervous no I think I actually quite like writing books because it's like you get things off your chest your way your words and obviously lawyers go through everything you have to prove everything's right because always you get sued here there and everywhere but quite it can be hard at times talking through things that you don't want to talk about like this new one's quite hard because there's lots of triggers in it and it brings you back to a place that you've already spoke about to move forward but it's being real isn't it who triggers you the most it's it's their exes why is it so toxic with you and your men because they've bankrupted seeing socials do you think media fucks with their head their attention because you look at people from the 90s the boy bands the girl bands behind the scenes that the media don't know all they do and they know they can't write because there's serious stuff going on behind the scenes serious stuff like sort of what I told you earlier so whether the media know about it or not they wouldn't be allowed to write about it because there's serious stuff but and it annoys me when people are like why don't you let the kids see the dad where why are you keeping them off and I feel like to say if you don't even know what's going on but let them tarnish where the truth always comes out but I am getting you know I'm getting it hard at the minute and I have to socials please not because I've done nothing wrong it's the other way around it's tough how was that then going through your still going on now not through your third divorce you've got five kids oh divorce is there they're easy I'm not bothered by them Pete's was the worst because the press got involved in all that I was the bad bad cop he was the good cop and they played it well have you ever been in love looking back on at all Daniel's in love with why him don't know first love I don't know because I'm with his family and stuff like that so and you made a ponder but it was like a talk we weren't I got stitched up with that as well I didn't even leak them take so I was six months pregnant with him but I don't want to talk about it's disgusting um Harvey I was pregnant with Harvey yeah who leaked his tapes him I don't know how do you then learn how to trust now I don't I don't tarnish everyone the same but like I've got a lot of rid of a lot of people out my life when I say so many people who I look at as a trigger or what do they bring me to my life really and if they don't I don't need them in my life I'm too old for it now not too old just too exhausted with it all and how my support network and what I've got around now I'm just quite happy with no ag no drums and things that although there's lots of drama things are settling because I've learnt now how to not retaliate to things to do this and just buy the time it will all go through there's always and then just ride the wave just buy it I've learnt to cope with it whereas before I didn't know how to cope because things would just go around in my brain ruminate ruminate thinking oh my god this oh my god that oh my god that and when you're in that situation it's like noise so I've learnt to deal with it all and know how to cope with it all I only do work that I want to work I don't take on every job um I do what I want to do now I'm not a product for anyone I do what I want to do because I've been a product for people for too many years you're not human yeah love for horses who why is that so strong I love it even the smell that makes me smile already oh they say my safe place because they say what your safe place is the horse is muzzle when they blow out air and I'm like that smelling it it's really weird when they blow that air and go I just love the smell of horses I wake up every morning look at my horses out the window just to smell everything riding them absolutely love it what was it like speaking about the abuse and stuff for the first time which which was from all when you eventually opened up and started speaking out with therapy sessions um it's that was wasn't the problem it's the men how I let them get me in the situation of controlling me and stuff like that um I'd never let it happen again ever never but you see that you're fucking 45 it's taken me that long because I didn't have therapy in that before you just go along with it what was a big brother house like boring as fuck because you weren't that no I don't know how I was so boring in that didn't even get my bikini off leave my boob was half hanging out don't even know how won that show I was so boring and the surgeon came three times a week to dress my boob and then the night before the final they thought I was getting septic because I went to the hospital twice while I was in there and everyone was saying in the house the whole why are you not like you need the money why don't you go I went no I've been in it just as long if I might have a chance to win it like you lot it's not about money it's about achieving it and then they had to check my temperature every four hours as soon as I got out we went straight to Belgium and had my boobs out for six months they were that bad do you think you won it though because you're being you and not someone else oh I would have been me anyway like no I was me but like now I wasn't the one arguing it was like Katie Hopkins and all that so thank god they were arguing otherwise if there was no arguments it would have been so boring how did you go on me Katie she talks about me now but the thing is should be the type that if I hold my cup she would try and start on anyone so say I hold my cup she'd be like oh don't you hold your cup funny and inside I wanted to say why don't you fuck off you so instead I'd be like yeah I'm supposed to do really like that because I'm so tolerant chilled laid back believe it or not um and I don't know if that comes from Harvey because you have to be so patient so laid back and so calm that I don't know if I've learned it from him so situations I'm quite good and situations to fuse and things being calm but then if I go I go how much soldier have you had I don't know even if I google it they seem to know more than me I haven't finished yet though I say to my mum in 10 years I'll probably look transparent because I'll have my face like that you'll see on my veins I love surgery but that's rank the thing is with me fucking that's rank but the thing is with me I do stuff and I tell everyone what I do and I don't mind telling everyone what I've done it's when you get people who've had work done they're like oh I'm natural it's like fuck are you natural no you're fucking not you've got filler here your lips there that but I tell everyone I don't care but what I say to princess I did all my modeling career natural apart from my boobs and there was no airbrush and there was none of that when I did it but now I'm in my 40s I'm 45 yeah I am starting on my face and just having my lips done and all that why not so beautiful I don't hate that see the natural like that gross fucking stunning beautiful I don't I look a little princess she goes well thanks mum because I look like you I said princess you're beautiful but I don't look at them pictures anything I'm beautiful I hate how I look that it's weird isn't it and what if your daughter goes down the same route they've seen well it's like in the middle they won't but is that a concern that is she possible because I know she won't she's just she's she knows she's stunning she knows she is and it's like I say to her look you've got naturally look at you you're just like perfect you don't need it and I'm like and all these people on social media you know they don't look like that we all use the same filter I use the filter but then I use them because I'm old I'm actually I like that fake look I love fake look but she knows that a lot of people you see it isn't how it is no one really looks like that how many catfishes there are out there how do you protect your kids because you're one of the biggest names in the UK especially in this industry how do you protect your kids from that it doesn't because you and princess celebrities you'll see their kids going fucking ends are addicts and heads are fucked yeah how do you maintain that to not they are so well-mannered so polite does her dad play a part in that though I don't talk to him but does he get his kids we both have him yeah so but that must play a part that must help so they're sensible switched on they know how it works and they're very like yeah they're not the types that go off part in that they're very focused on what they want to do which is quite refreshing as much as the relationships have been talked to at least just those seizes kids yeah we both do yeah like you I you never ever my advice to anyone listen to this man or woman never ever stop your kids seeing the other parent unless there's a proper reason like where socials or police are involved and there's a proper reason where you're protecting the safeguarding your kids that's different or you can have supervised contact um but other than that I don't hate it when people play you're not having the kids and you're not doing that because why it's not the kids sport is it how what because obviously I see Harvey's videos and it is funny it's so funny like how is that when he's when he's on the reality shows and your youtube channel and he wants to do it is that okay for now because people like because it is funny because I've got not a lot of fucking dark to my sense but it's still funny that you shit because you laugh I'm swearing for me that's funny but Harvey he knows I don't know how he's not stupid like people think because of his way so he has it in context every fucking time like if there's a camera there just come up and go hello you I'm like half what are you doing and it goes like you just you know what he's like and he's so funny and then sometimes I listen to him and it sounds like me I don't ever I remember Kim or he mimics me we just say the same things like he's just so funny really funny yeah how what makes me laugh how was it with when he put money like I had to go to get home I hated it so he goes to college in Cheltenham to learn independent skills and stuff but I've done it all since I was 19 you know I'm just used to washing him even now when he comes home I'm like half you're 21 do you really think I want to clean your bull sacks oh mum he's like that I'm like no I don't the thing is he can shower himself but he doesn't do it properly he doesn't know about hygiene so I have to like help and then dress him then he hates the old drunk going on then he hates the aftershave and I'm like well you want the girls to fancy you price and you oh yeah mum he goes so yeah and then when he finishes college I'll find somewhere nearer because everyone's like okay don't have him just have him like he's got to have a life but it's me being protected because I'd have him at home all the time I wouldn't have anything left in the house mind you but he smashes everything is that why it was like duck and dive someone shuts the door whoa what's gonna go fucking flying now has ever turned on you never never turned on me in a million years he might someone else never me he just wants me to hold his hand stroke his forehead and give him kisses and cuddles and that's all he texted see Texas when he sends me videos all the time I'm so sad mum at your work I need you he goes I need you mummy so we face Tom like three times a day how much is that saved your life like having have it as a first kid as well and obviously you've had a look as but your first oh I wouldn't change it for anything yeah but how in your life do you think it's saved your life at some point because I know you've been so I say do a few things yeah I mean I wasn't I had good beginning of my career nothing it was just when I split repeat it went downhill that was it it's literally downhill when's the first thing you are so I say though I tried to hang myself before I went in the priory the second time I had a microphone wire around my neck in the toilet and then I woke up my toilet was down my phone was down the toilet and like it was waterproof so it still worked and I had all bruises here and black eyes and then I went into the priory it was like that was it and then I survived it but I'd never ever let myself get like that again and poor kids if I'd gone but my mental state then was so bad because of the situation that I was in to do in men and all of that that would never ever let it happen again like who survives that me how does that play in your mind knowing that Harvey might not have had his mother yeah all right kills me if any of them didn't have me but when you're unwell people don't say when you're that unwell and you want help and you don't know how to ask for it it's a horrible situation so now that's why I'm so vocal about things like doesn't mean to say I love working I love working and I love my kids but I do get pressures behind the scenes from things at the moment that are out of my control that mentally is signed to my head and I just have to breathe and space from that because I need to be right to work I need to be focused and focused on my kids and that's my priority and I think all the other noise I can cope with but it has to be when my head's ready to do it because my priorities my work and my kids my work did you ever think you would have got that law especially everything you've already been through or do you think that was all coming to our head it was all coming to our head but I didn't speak up didn't know how to I didn't know why were you too proved I just think because I'm so busy and you think if you admit that you're weak or admit that you're not in the right headspace it would ruin work or people might look at you different um it's like I was an engine just going and going like that hard so I always say to people if you ever feel low you're not you're not alone you speak up always if you don't communicate communicate with bills this that then it just gets worse worse whether I always say communicate is key like trust me I never thought that was you could do that but you're more brave and people respect you more if you communicate that's what I've learned not speaking out it's a strength yeah no it is I never knew how to and didn't didn't have the balls to do it it was too weak to do it didn't know know if there was a consequence to it but it's the best thing I did you always got to speak out and how was that feeling waking up knowing that you were going to kill yourself and you could well I thought I was gone and I woke up and I'm like oh I was surprised that my phone even worked who was there I was on my own were you on the drugs were you on the gear nothing no nothing sober yeah that's when you know you're fucked then exactly so doing it sober is worse what happened to South Africa um hijacked at gunpoint that's when June and princess will always know that I would take a bullet for them when you've got a pillow like that and you're waiting to be shot you're like that waiting to hear the bang so won't let them near the kids either it was like a a film getting in the front trying to find the cars put the keys in to drive off like you know when you watch horror films you're like just get in the car put the keys in and they're like that for the keys it was like one of their moments like I can't get the key and I can't and I really fucking couldn't then they come along and took the keys so then um oh that was just a fucking nightmare that my friend still can't see properly out of his eye because where they knocked him out in the car blood everywhere was unconscious and then they just went but I'll wait I'll we all thought we were dead then night there maybe and now filming for ITV never had therapy for it never offered it um because we went on a different route that the director wanted to go on and my friend who's from South Africa kept saying no you don't do that rule let's stick to the root what we've already planned to do we want to do it for scenery but it was a place that tourists don't go and look what happened so that worked nice so if I ever see like a black guy in a nadi das hoodie it makes them go a bit like that like princess she don't like being in cars at night but I now know that if I'm in a car I like to be quite far behind if something happens you can just get out and drive I don't know it's still like if I go into a shopping center and I see security with guns and I'm always a bit like oh gives me like a bit of that because you're very family orientated your mum's been a big part of your life she seems to be rock she probably wasn't wasn't here you probably wouldn't be here if I'm honest because everything yeah my family is so good of the hell I've put them through but not on purpose like when I got diagnosed with age eight she I hate labels I absolutely hate them but now they can understand how my mind is connected different to theirs and it'll make sense to them why I've reacted how I do this that because I've severely got ADHD it's like on a spectrum of autism what where are you on the spectrum and you have to do all these tests it's not overnight they take ages to do um because my brother and sister aren't like that so yeah that's last year I got diagnosed with that but to my mum it's a bit of relief to know when the doctor speak to her why my head or why I do things a bit different why I'm a bit like that but to me I don't know different I only know me how was it when your mum took not well um she actually lasted the five years no I remember crying on loose swimming going off because as soon as you hear your someone's terminal you'll think they're literally going to die that week and to me it's oh my god how can my mum just go now how but she had it like for five years it's not like I know we're all going to die one day but I suppose it's watching someone closely deteriorate deteriorate from someone being so active and then like my brother made me laugh like we're so matter of fact it's like we're not going to mope around we're still have fun I'm Henry farted in her tube when she was in the other room like dad what the fuck you stink because he saw this guy in America do it so he's like I'm going to fart in her oxygen tube so things like that and she'd have her rucksack on and in the garden because it was on a line she could only stop at a certain bit so we're like you on your lead mum like obviously she's not on it now because thank god two weeks I reckon she had left and they found her lung trance plant but it was the day on the m25 when all the protestors are on it and they shut the m25 and literally when they phoned at eight in the morning you have a three hour slot or you miss it so they had to go up the harsh shoulder call an ambulance on the way so they can get through the traffic and she made it in time and now she's still fucking moments at me every fucking day about something typical mothers oh yeah I know but she's aged a lot from it shaking a lot from the steroids she's alive but now her kidneys now because of the steroids are now affected her kidneys so they're changing that but I'm like mum you're still alive you know you're always gonna have something now because you're on meds but at least you're alive you've just bought a new house in Isle of Wight you're doing now it's like a refresh for them restart for them all and my dad gets hempet life up so that's Paul yeah it's so funny and I should say dad yeah no but it's funny she's always hempet him and oh you must love the hempet in because he's still there she's funny how is that when do you feel as if you put them through a lot as well with your life yeah but it's not because I'm meant to this is what I said I haven't meant to do I don't mean to do it and I haven't meant to do it and I'm like I'm sorry I've done it like I'm sorry for the things that I've done in the past at the time I can't have how I reacted to things or what I did what I just just what I did at the time so that's why now like having therapy and stuff I know I reacted to things differently now um I'm still waiting to get the right meds for the ADHD I know I need it and it's weird because now I know I've got I know I know like I don't sit still whereas before I know I'm hyper but now sometimes I think just sits because I now notice that I do move around and I'm written like that or when I'm excited for something I suddenly go really like which I've always done and now my friends and they're like hey just calm down and I'm like okay I don't know I know now it makes sense I notice what I do things okay was a playboy mansion I loved it he seemed like an old CD bastard time no do you know what this is the thing why Jordan days I had the fucking best times Harvey joined me and all of it he's been in the playboy mansion half he's make you have nice done it all they were the best days the media it was all fun with the media the places I've been like the Oscars all the formula one events all the parties I've been to all the photo shoots the countries I've been to like I can't ever say I haven't lived because I have um playboy mansion was amazing such a good like good time I had there maybe it's all good just so different and it's like to be on the cover of American playboy was always everyone's dream I was the first English girl to do it what did they call me the bad girl in London do you love that yes um now I loved it so much fun yeah that definitely was the grottoes all of that the every Sunday he would have a movie night so it'd be all directors producers we'd all sit at the front with Heff and then everyone behind it's just the people I've met and seen it's like obscene like people in a lifetime wouldn't have experienced stuff I have up there's only one me in that way like no one can ever have said I know some say I want to be like you but they can never be like me because they've never done what I've done like there's no magazines to do what I've done and because I just don't do it literally every week on the cover or the men's mags I've literally that's all I did do you feel as if there's not many people could have walked in your shoes and got through it definitely not I think having a personality helps because there's so many beautiful girls out there and some of them would fuck their way up there some girls would waste their manual design to close this and that I was quite horsey still I didn't really I don't really care anyone's quite a chav like I've wear what I want to wear I don't wear things to impress anyone clearly here if I fucking tracksuit on the biggest podcast in the UK yeah fucking yeah at least people get to see what I'm like I couldn't fucking no want to I just send because we're going for lunch after but anyway and I'm vaping away yes all day in trouble for that but yeah and that's that's why I talk to podcasts I do one with my sister because one it's nice to catch up with my sister and you have a voice a light for you you can have a voice on podcast it's the thing back in the day it was all print didn't have a word to say anything and I think that's why media have to be careful these days what they say about people because everyone's got a voice there's so many platforms you can say the truth one on that now but this is a new media it definitely is there's no bullshit here this is you you can only just be you and people can make their own assumptions or who yeah what if the thing about the UK public then daft either we do see through bullshit I think they're starting to I don't think they're used to I think they are now and I think they can see how many people are damaged like from media stuff but like you've got a voice like if I ever out of journalists on my Instagram or something they end up emailing my sister can she take it down and I'm like what but it's all right for you to write a fucking story but you don't like it when I out you well don't do it to me then Gaza he was he was just I love Gaza he was just out a rehab and again yeah I love him the reporters left two empty bottles I've worked at his door banged his door ran away and then he came out and picked him up and they've got the 40 sin guys up my no see what I mean yeah but that's the media unless you're in this industry sorry I've blown my faith on your face unless you're in this industry like I always wanted to be famous I'm not famous I'm a celebrity but it's not always what people think because you do you get good perks don't get me wrong and it's fun you get out there like that's always what I wanted to do but you've got to remember you've got to be a tough cookie to put up with it because they're not always going to write good stuff about you I think only a few people can put up with it and get through it it's not easy not an easy industry when people want to bring you up it's fantastic but when you're down because the media don't care if you're up or down they just want to sell papers and it can affect you and it did affect me does affect me but ride the storm I've been in it long enough but I think when people say I feel so lucky to do that I'm like really have a week in my life and tell me if you would put up with because everyone around me they're like I don't know how to do it just don't know how you do it all because you're after it's not a normal job either is it really yet you're happiest at home the kids and the horses and that people I want to be with actually is not in the room JJ has actually bought sunshine to my life so you've got a new fail let's speak of around sunshine I didn't want a boyfriend did not want a boy I've exhausted revelation didn't want one did not want one at all younger man 31 yeah but do you know what he's done a lot as well like in his life because he was from LA and he's he's quiet and what I like about him he doesn't judge me knows all like all about my past he's been in LA he's been to probably more parties than me it was associated with people he's done his TV show it's not like he needed me for that a lot of people want to use me for stuff but he's just so kind not judge rental loving seems so loyal I can't see any red flags literally and I wasn't looking and it didn't start off like that like oh should we go out for each other like it wasn't like that it's all been done properly slowly but it all seems like the same patterns with you no he's definitely not the same not hopeless and fingers crossed hopefully but it's all the same pattern not looking for a man he's like he won't put on and the good thing is I don't try and push his buttons to test where in the past I would push buttons to test what reaction I don't feel I need to do that from I don't want to do that because that's not how you start a relationship I don't want that and I actually do things with him we go out and actually do things like he took me to this country thing at the weekend I've never had listened to country music in my life but he loves it when you don't have to go I went no if you like it I'll go like you know if that's what you like I'll go along I'll actually really enjoyed it so I think being a relationship sometimes you have to converse do what the other one wants to do you know we go to theatre date nights like how it should be yeah it's a partnership there's more pure relationship than love yeah it's got to be an understanding like you see you're coming with a lot of baggage let's be honest I do three fucking divorces five kids and this is the thing if I went on a dating agency and I first thing was I'm 40 45 kids would you say yes no they fucking wouldn't go exactly but the next one is oh I've got my own money you don't need to pay if you don't have to pay for my kids oh I might push it then the next one like you don't have to do nothing supply nothing I don't even have to be a father figure for my nothing do you know what I mean it will take long time but that's why it's hard for me to meet anyone because you don't know what they want but it's true on a dating site of course they're not going to say yeah I'll come and date you have you ever been on a dating site no I did try and get on that rail one two years I still haven't accepted me little fuckers what's wrong with me but I don't need to be now but what's your what's your darkest day my darkest days your darkest day in your life see it's all a noise it's like in therapy you do art therapy and you don't know what you're going to do in art therapy they just tell you there and then they might say right you've got 10 minutes to draw what's on your mind and in mine and it's always the same I always cut a bit off and I have like P Alex Kieran police socials media and there's two managers of mine always that that is my noise them constant that that lot is my noise yeah how much do you think you've spent over the years fuck knows but you can't take it with you you just kind of the life like people worry too much about money life so much about money but at the end of the day we all go in a box or unless you want to be burnt but like you can't take it with you so family nothing people around so far important that what makes you happy like having people around for dinner like your friends family to me that that is what makes me happy how lucrative was it back in the day like 50 grand 100 grand for front page stories they used to be all like that okay isn't that they just don't pay that money because of social media but I'm alright still got my nice house and all of that you read about the bankruptcy and stuff but you know what there's so many situations for people in being bankruptcies I think that word stigma is so like bad like like petrified me but now it's like look it is what it is just get on with it don't just don't let it affect you it is what it is isn't it you can't take everything with you what was your health my like I loved him because a lot of people not loved him like but a lot of people don't know yeah they yell him now but they didn't moan at the time and they're with him did they like he got them the covers of the magazine then their status and now they want to slag him off I don't understand it nice guy shrewd guy and I had some of the best times with him and now I didn't have sex with him although I was in the room when it all happened what was the what age was he then when he was shagging he's always looked old to me no idea yeah he's looked about 100 for fucking 50 years I wouldn't be fucking my granddad split that way what was it like though when he was having orgies and shit was that not strange were you not seeing okay this is a bit much are you just thinking I'm living alive went along with it went along with it do you think you accepted a bit too much than what was normal I've seen a lot like when I was trained to be a nurse dead body seen him cleaned him up like things I've witnessed seen you know even like Great Ormond Street seeing ill kids and seeing mums and I've seen it's weird like I've been in so seen so many surreal situations like the kidnap threats the hijack Harvey Great or I don't know all these dramatic situations and I think I've survived it I'm a survivor and now I mean it's a good place to reset that button like I say and now now I know what I've learned just don't make the same mistakes again what's your biggest trigger your revision that fucking out yeah I would say some of the men I've been with but then I wouldn't have had the kids I did but like I said I didn't know I just didn't know I was just one to the other to the other relationship to the other it's all I did because it's all I knew what do you think you're best at being a mum love it and talking and talking and talking I'm good at giving advice but shit it take my I'm my fucking same but I am I'm best at being family and caring I love it I like to care for someone just love that's that's it you think you're just starting to look at life a bit differently even though it's took you 45 years same we thought five years but yeah I want to do like more traveling like with the kids I like them to see the now that the age see things and experiences because they they're lucky and like my dream holiday now so I don't even know how to book it would be like an amazon rainforest but you know them tree houses you get on the side of the cliffs or whatever like one of them like adventure love it stuff like that because your whole life's been full of chaos but where do you get the chaos then get I like peace but how do you then separate the two now no I can I easily don't always have done like soon as I go home I'm like everyone else Kettle on Jamazon what we having for dinner our cook will get a take it's I'm very so normal um and that's another thing I think that confuses people when they meet me they're like she's done all this and she does that and everyone knows her but like we're with her and she's so normal it's like what do you want me to be at home in a ball girl drinking champagne no what's the last thing you're crying to um skiing what happens what happens because I fucking can't ski and I tell you what I looked like I could ski I had all the gear and no idea trying to get um get up with my bum filler and tits as well as my body when I'd fall over trying to get my feet out the skis and then lifting myself back up I was literally like I fucking hate this I hate skiing and then when it's a normal slope oh I like this now and then I see a hill and then I start swimming I fucking hate this why are we doing this right then because I was getting exhausted crying like disappointed in myself I'm like I'm such a fat fuck I can't even get up on these skis my tits I'm like that pulling then it's my fucking ass and then wherever I broke my feet I've got no um I was there full of screws no stability in them so it's so fucking annoying I'm not as flexible as I used to be would you have any more keds yes I think my eggs are a bit old so I think I have to do IVF if I want more and I will have more no one's telling me I can't how many more would you have as many as I can have shut up yeah I would love it that's for me that's what it's all about for me I love it jewelry cars houses it's all bullshit no family I've been there done it had the cars the watches the stuff I've got two kids I want more I'm 40 I want another thing but you have it all for people to go look at their car oh look at that so what would you get married again yeah I'd love to give you some motivation and advice but you're going to podcast in three years saying another divorce another kid but I've just met someone and it's no red flags no leave as you go on I'll be 46 in May um I'm hoping to do this misfits boxing fight as well I've just had all my brain scan blood tests and all my things done so who would you fight I think they want me to fight an American girl from Jersey Shore who I don't know what they're showing me pictures just has got them as I do for that because I've already got my saying if I lose my saying would be I should hope you lose I'm fucking 46 with five kids they're old you and your 20s I should hope you fucking have one that's if I lose how do you feel going over your story again and again and again it helped you I think it's interesting for people but I could sit here all day because so much has happened I possibly couldn't just do it all in an hour or two hours because so much so people have to just find things they want to talk about because I could sit here for hours and hours I've got so many stories so many places I like it's literally but everybody I'm not a story but everybody knows you're storing you can see you're a decent bastard you can see your sound you can see you can sit and have a dinner and have a laugh and there's no bullshit absolutely with my country but then in the other hand you can't see you're a mad bastard as well do you think I am fucking you're off your fucking rocker do you think oh no because I try and say what is it you look always I always say do you think I'm not for you don't see it no that's when you know you're going that's Jeffrey that's some yeah that's some Jeffrey that's a journey I need to know this from you yeah English what you spent what an hour two hours was way how do you know I'm not some nutty bastard it's just because what can you tell actions from the years but that's again that's all the time now that's what interests me I want you to tell me mechanisms it's all the time it's all the fidgeting it's the smoke in the vape it's the being allowed the singing before the cameras are on the fucking's married to three men five different kids it seems normal being in South Africa that's mad but you're going to be tapped that industry makes people tapped you're still here telling the tale so what it also tells me is you're one strong bastard you're one survivor yeah definitely and you've come through a lot no doubt you've always you're always going to be up there in the UK everybody loves the Katie Price show everybody loves Jordan whatever act people buy your books 54 books or 56 books yeah you've been involved in perfumes makeups it's all coming back yeah you've done amazing yeah some people don't realize and this is why these long formats are so good because people get an understanding of you yeah they can tell you're a bit loopy but you can also tell like I said I love it you can also tell I agree I don't know I don't I'm just me I don't know you're a great fucking mum to be there I love it especially when the fathers have been in and out so I'm having yeah non-existent and we can sit and slate the men as well but you've got to take some responsibility of putting yourself in these predicaments these situations and you wouldn't be because I would imagine sitting here we go go on yeah no but with the stories and that because I've seen you retaliate and when you do retaliate it's fucking it's dark it's toxic poisonous but I don't know anymore I know but that fucks with men's because we've all got pride with all yeah but men have still got to understand what they were getting involved in they know exactly what they were doing come into your life yeah damage goods yeah I am damaged goods but I've got a heart and there's still always a way forward and there's always a way I can get through things but at least I admit I am damaged goods but you can't blame me for saying I've been through so much but good damage goods yeah where do you go forward for a future kitty fucking I've told you it's that reset button there's more to the pricey to come and I fucking smile because there really is I've turned it all around never thought I would from that moment the darkest moment I never thought I never saw the light I have now I know the triggers and that to never let me get that way it's a scary place to be and what about only fans I love it I love getting my kit off because there's no magazines then I am not going to get my kit off on Instagram or any of that when that's what I've been paid to do and all like a lot of the older fans and there's some newer ones who love all the Jordan stuff so I do it on only fans I absolutely love it like my favorite thing is being in front of the camera I'm like an animal come alive I love it but you want your daughters doing all the fans oh they wouldn't do it but would you now I said she could do Love Island she'd like to do that but I said they need to do the jungle Juno Princess that's where like the dad was like they'd be iconic to do that if it's still going Juno could do it now he's 18 wish I could it's memory apart from having kids I would say the first 20 years of my career were the best these last 10 have been shocking awful like damaging awful testing damaging but the first 20 years amazing for anybody watching this maybe being in a life of struggle or struggling right now you've came through suicide attempts yourself everything what advice would you have for them communicate you're not alone you'll be surprised how many people go for things it doesn't matter how big or small that is to someone else it's what's small to me could be massive for someone else in the head magnified what's where I could probably think fucking ours that all your money that but you can't judge people like that everyone deals with things different and how they cope with it in their head um like my therapist said Kate you really have real life events so you're understandable the way you are some people might have some small but it affects them like I've just got to talk and I really really have to talk communicate get yourself out of that because if you don't you'll keep getting further down that hole further down that hole until you will end up being suicidal or losing everything or but whether you've got an addiction or a problem doesn't matter how many people go on you do this do that the only person you can help with yourself you've got to want to do it yourself no one can make you do anything and as soon as you wake up one day and go to know I am going to do it I am I am I believe you're going to do it you can that's yeah that's the only way the advice I could sort of give yeah good on you and no one's perfect I'm a pure pure example of that yeah I'm nuts apparently yeah but I say man listen you're still here and late you see a survivor and for everything you've done and going forward for the future I wish you nothing but the fuck thank you I genuinely I think I'll be a good therapist myself no doubt man listen you've lived that life okay listen would you like to finish up on anything else no I've really enjoyed it actually going going back to my roots yeah you've looked at ADHD have I told you that was lying split personality bipolar maybe I think I've got everything ADHD is fucking life under your fucking psycho oh no I fucking love it no but listen would you like to finish up on anything else I just hope everyone enjoyed listening to the podcast it's been a pleasure not a chore yeah listen unbelievable again thanks for coming on today thank you thank you very much I wish you nothing but the best for future keep being you keep doing what you can and if you want to hear more about me go to the catered price show which my podcast which I'll do with my little sister who's a Victorian compared to me what is all your social medias and your tubes and stuff for people who got getting bored yeah I don't know about that you just find me tapping my name that's an absolute pleasure I wish you nothing but the best for the future okay thank you God bless and take care thank you