 Okay. Good morning, everyone. Welcome to week eight of our class. Hope all of you are doing well. Welcome to all the e-learning students as well. Thank you for tuning in week after week, as well as all the online students, trust you're doing well. Just an important announcement before we pray and get started. The assessment, the graded first assessment is up for both the e-learning students as well as the online students. Please ensure that you do it for the online students. The last, the due date is tomorrow, so kindly complete it because post that it would close and you do require the marks of this for your final mark sheet. The e-learning students, it will be put up and you will have time to complete it till the end of the course till November end. So once you have done the prerequisite of the assessment then you can get into doing the graded assessment. Okay. All right. So let's just start with the word of prayer and we'll quickly move on. Heavenly Father, we thank you for this morning. Thank you, Lord, for your grace and for your power over our lives. Thank you for sustaining us through the last week. God, in His way, move into class and look at different aspects and a different perspective of marriage. We pray, Lord, that you would open our eyes. You would bring us to a place of conviction. You would bring us to a place of aligning ourselves in our lives to your will and your word. Thank you for being with us. Thank you for all the students who are here who are listening, who have joined in today. Lord, I pray that your grace and your peace works and is with each one of us. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen. All right. Okay. So quickly, would anyone like to share what did we, what we covered last week? Anybody would like to share what we covered last week? The online students here are not in one classroom, is it? They are all logging in from their own places. Sorry, I can't hear you. Can you hear me? No, I can hear you. We are all connected in Anand's laptop and we are just projecting it now. I see. Because I can see four or five of you. I can see Ren, I can see Radha, I can see Nikhil. We connected to the speakers actually, so we are listening. Okay, okay. Okay, good. So the last week we had done on conflict, on resolving conflicts and we looked at how, in marriage we are different and as a result conflicts do come. So we looked at how, what are healthy patterns of dealing with conflict, what are unhealthy patterns of dealing with conflict and what are seven steps of resolving those conflicts. The first three being something that you do on an individual basis and the next four something that you do with your spouse. So we looked in detail with that. Today we are going to be looking at another element of marriage which is becoming a team, being a member of a team. So marriage in itself is a team, it constitutes a team. So different things that both a husband and a wife does constitutes a team and they work together as a team. I am at page 97 if you are following the hard copies and 96 on the, sorry, 95 on the soft copy. So if you would like to follow with me please turn to that page. So generally I think let's probably take some parallels. When we're looking at a team, we're looking at the first examples that come to your mind are probably sports teams, right? Maybe a football team or a cricket team or a soccer team or whatever. There are teams that you work with and that's the best representation that you can see. So what happens, what is the strength of a team? The strength of the team is that you can depend on one another and because you can depend on one another, there is a lot of encouragement that comes from that. Or a team together has a certain objective, it has a certain goal. You are maybe if you are let's say a sports team, you're working together to play a game well enough to maybe win a trophy or win a match against somebody, right? Or if it's a work team, you have a certain objective in mind that you may want to get out maybe a product or a project or you're working towards some cause. So you're all come together using the different skill sets you have and work together as part of the team, right? Or in anything else, in any other area of life, wherever you're working together as a team, there is a certain objective that you have. So similarly, when working in marriage is the husband and wife constituting a team. So when a team is there, there are many things that actually can be done in better ways when a team is there. Or when there are challenges, that's when you can overcome together as a team. So this chapter, we're going to be looking at different aspects of a team. So first of all, we look at what is the impact of two people being in a team? What are some ways or some perspectives that a team could use or becoming a stronger team? And how as a team, you can fulfill the purpose of God here on Earth, okay? So let's just look, we'll begin with understanding what is the power of being a team? What is the power of two? So in that, let's just look at Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verses 9 to 12, so I'm on page 94. If somebody could read that Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verses 9 to 12, it'll be helpful, okay? Someone please read that. Anybody? Hello, Pastor. Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Two are better than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help them up. But if someone is alone and falls, it's just too bad, because there is no one to help him. If it is cold, two can sleep together and stay warm. But how can you keep warm by yourself? Two people can resist an attack that will defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break. Thank you. Thanks. So when you look at this passage, it talks about... Sorry, excuse my dog. She's standing in the middle. Okay, sorry for that. So when you're looking at this passage, although it doesn't specifically speak about marriage by itself, it definitely talks about how two people are better off than one. So let's just look at what is it that we can take as an application from these verses? How can we apply these verses or what you find the power of being in a team, how we can apply it in marriage? So let's just look at one of these verses. So the first verse is two are better off than one, because together they can work more effective, which means that when there are two people in a team or when there is a husband and wife together in a family, things have a greater impact. Their things are done much better. It is much more efficient. There is a lot more of work that can be put in effectively towards this common goal that we were talking about. There could also be a greater measure of success that happens because two people are together. Verse 10, it says, when one falls, the other can help about. So there's always another person who's there to support the other person when fallen. Or like in clear examples, let's say maybe in practical ways, when one person is sick, the other person takes on maybe probably more responsibilities and duties so that the home keeps running. Or when one person is away, the other person takes over the job and the responsibilities of the other so that things are moving in the same effective manner as it did earlier. Verse 11, it says, if it is cold, two can sleep together and stay warm, but how can you keep warm by yourself? So basically it's again talking about even when times are difficult, you have one another to support and encourage each other. When one is down or one is not keeping okay or not in a state or not in a frame of mind or not in a good space, there is support and encouragement when times are challenging. It also has a physical aspect of it, that when two people are together, there's more warmth that's there, there's more connection and affection that's there. And the last one, verse 12, two people can resist and attack. So when there are two people in a team, there is a lot more strength, there is a lot more power in order to bring down any kind of challenges that they may be going through. So even when there are attacks and when there are pressures that are there, two people standing together is what really brings about a greater strength and enhanced strength and enhanced power. So that's the power of two. When we look at Matthew 18, 19 to 20, and this is a very familiar verse that all of us know very clearly, is when you're in agreement, when you have come together in prayer, there is a greater power. It says, when two or three, two of you on earth agree about anything you pray for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven, where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there with them. So it talks about how even in the spiritual aspect of life, when you come together, there is greater success in things when you come together in prayer, come together as one. So where there are two people, the presence of God is there. You're carrying the presence of God, you become a carrier of the presence of God. So here the husband, when we understand that there is power in two, you intentionally, the husband and the wife intentionally works on developing that togetherness, coming together, as a team in different things, right? Whether it is to do with spiritual life, whether it's to do with things at the home, whether it is to do with bringing up the children, whether it's having a certain purpose together, whether it's work, whatever it is, two coming together really builds an enhanced strength and enhances power, enhances success, efficiency. Then there is a lot more of things that gets done as a result of two people coming together. So we'll just look at what does this actually build or what does this help in? So when the husband and wife, when they come in with their strengths or with whatever they offer, this power of togetherness is what bears upon their own lives, bears upon their marriage and bears upon the family. So it has, and as a result, it has greater strength even when they are working individually or personally, knowing that there is someone who is there to work alongside with them. When there is this impact that comes, this brings about a blessing for the children. It brings about a blessing for the home, it brings about a blessing for the family because the marriage becomes a place of oneness, it becomes a place of unity and strength and out of that unity and strength when children are being nurtured, it becomes a whole and a good environment to see the family growing, the family evolving. So even for children who are growing in a setup like that, when the husband and the wife are together as a team, it becomes a great model for them to look. It becomes an example for them to see how their parents have worked together with a kind of love or with a kind of sacrifice or with a kind of service that they bring about. So the children are nurtured in this environment and that's what kind of gets carried on. And lastly, what does the husband and wife team, what does it help with? It helps in the purposes of God. It helps with serving what God has ordained for the marriage or for the family. So there is an advancement of the kingdom of God through the different graces that God has given a husband and wife. So as we read in Corinthians that with each of us being members of a body, we are all given different graces, we're given different gifts so that we can come together as one body. So similarly, in the home, the husband and the wife are given different gifts, are given different graces so that they can serve God's purpose together more effectively and also help in bringing about God's kingdom through the gifts that God has put and placed in each one of their lives. Now, we look at the next portion which is what are some of the obstacles or some of the hindrances that keep us, keep people from becoming a good team? What are hindrances that keep, or maybe in this case, a marriage or a husband and wife from becoming a good team? So if we look at the verse in Mark 3, verse 25, it says, if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. When the house is divided, it cannot stand. So in other words, what it says is if a husband and a wife who are divided, the home or the marriage will not stand, the marriage will break down, the marriage will disintegrate. So we're going to look at what are some of the things that keeps the marriage in a place of breaking, especially when there isn't a good sense of oneness that's there. So the first factor is what is self-preservation. What does self-preservation mean? Self-preservation is, you know, so I'm sure you understand the term preservation, right? Like especially if you make pickles or jam, you're putting some things inside the pickle or the jam so that it doesn't get spoiled so that it can be of use for a longer period of time. Now that's what the word preservation means. Now self-preservation is you are attempting to preserve yourself or things that may be important to you or things that you see is needed for you to become better, to become greater or whatever, whatever things you may have, you take care of building it, take care of working at it with so much of attention that it becomes very focused on you and yourself. So it could be with regard to your career, with your finances, with regard to the things that you have, your possessions, with regard to other things that may be pretty special for you. So when you spend time and take on a lot more of effort to preserve your own things, to ensure that your own things are going on without really paying attention if the other person with your spouse is also being helped or if they require any support, this becomes an issue for a breaking of the marriage, for the team to disintegrate because there's just one person doing everything to preserve and keep themselves well whereas there is no care or support given to help the other. So often you would see these in things that it's described as this is mine or you take care of what is mine, you take care of what is yours. This is yours to do and this is mine to do. So there is this mine and versus yours kind of an issue that could take, that takes place. So what is important is that both the husband and the wife sees things as ours rather than as hers or his and do the best they can to share everything in common. Now this is just probably not with things of, not items just in itself but even let's say time, I have my own space, my own time, I have my own energies, my own things that I need to do. Now yes, all of us need to ensure that we take care of these different things and it's important to do that but nevertheless it shouldn't take up so much of importance that you keep away from seeing what importance you need to give to the other person and often we see these in examples of when looking after elderly parents where one of the spouses say, I look after my family, you look after yours or I will do this for my family, I cannot look after yours. Now to be seen, to give importance and to learn to look everything is common and so self-preservation would basically mean to get away from this mindset of mine and yours and move it to a mindset of ours that this is something that belongs to us together. So whatever it may be, it may just not be material things but it could also be factors such as time, energy, sacrifice, support all of that to be able to not just preserve yourself but be a way that you're preserving the team that as a team you are looking at how you can work different things in your life together. The second one is selfishness. Now selfishness is when either one or both of the spouses really look at their own interests instead of what may be beneficial to the larger family. So looking at how they can do things for themselves more rather than looking for what may help the family. Now this again with multiple examples of maybe, I'm just trying to bring about a simple example maybe someone would like to especially young families where you have young children knowing that young babies or young toddlers may not sleep through the night and there may be one person, one among the spouses who say I need my eight to ten hours of sleep no matter what I will have to sleep at that point of time and not really concerned about whether the other spouse has been able to sleep or not. So it becomes important for the person to keep their sanity or keep their sleep in place and not really giving the importance to what would happen outside. These are very simple examples but you could look at even greater examples with regard to work and maybe certain personal ambitions or dreams what one has around it. Maybe one person has a really strong ambition maybe to study a lot more where it has a lot of finances and selfishly wants those finances to move to this person or to the dreams of the aspirations of the person not really looking at how much they may be depleting from the other person. So it's important that both the husband and the wife learns to give the marriage and the family and the team the place that it deserves, that place of importance and then try and work that those ambitions or those desires, those dreams or those personal interests around them. So many, many examples even in the way that people may hone their hobbies so one person may like certain hobbies and it may need to support time for the other spouse or quality time for the other spouse. So all of this brings about this factor of what could reduce from then becoming a good team. So we looked at self-preservation, we looked at selfishness. The third one we're going to look at is competition. Now competition is when both the husband and the wife are in a constant race to do better than each other. For example, my husband earns this much, I must earn better or my husband has got a job and this kind of a company I must get it somewhere better. My spouse has bought this kind of a vehicle I want to get it better. So this can definitely lead to a very unhealthy connection with each other and that in itself breaks the team. So think of it this way. When you're in a team, suppose you're in a team especially I mean cricket is a game that most people understand or most people watch here in India. Just for the fact that let's say there are two runners in the crease and if one guy says I need to get five runs because I'm at the batting position but doesn't look at the ball whether it's going to strike the wicket or not. So what happens? They're putting the entire team in jeopardy. Although he may get an extra run but he's putting the entire team in jeopardy with a loss. So it's important to see each other as a teammate and that you are working towards the same thing and you are moving towards the same thing. Once victory will also be your victory or once defeat will become your defeat. So the more that you look at enhancing and building the other person up, you yourself are also you're actually building as a team you're eventually going up or you're growing together and it also builds for the relationship. Are you all with me up until now? Are we all here? Just a thumbs up. Anyone else? Anyone else is here? So let's look at the next one which is pride. Pride is again another thing that can be very, very debilitating for a team. This feeling of I am much better than you or you're not good enough for me. So the sense of feeling like being on a high horse or being a one-up position, that attitude where you're looking down upon the other because they can't do something or they may not have received or got things like the way that how you have it can bring about a breaking in a team. So it's important to respect one another according to their strength and according to what they bring and not bring about judgement towards their weakness but supporting through strength their area of weakness. So you're bringing and supporting them in their area of weakness. So that's what you're doing. So in order to get rid of that pride it is to see number one like how we had seen earlier that we're all equals. We're all independent, we're interdependent of each other. We are co-heirs with Christ. So all of this shows that there is equality in everything. So we walk together as equals respecting whatever strengths and helping support the weaknesses that they may have. The next one is blaming. Instead of taking responsibility, you're blaming. So this is commonly seen and I think sometimes we may not pay as much attention to it but that's exactly what happens when there are conflicts, when there are problems that happen rather than working together in solving the problem and coming up with the right solutions or solutions that work there comes a blame towards one another. The fact that we did this because you said it or we are here right now, here today because you decided that this is how it should be. So that damages the togetherness that damages the oneness. So whenever you're a team especially look at a sports team whenever the team has lost the entire team is looked at how they can be helped or they can be supported. So you recognize what the faults are together as a team and bring about that change and correction in the team rather than just focused on one specific person. So the blaming especially in conflicts can bring about a whole lot of struggles in building a team. And the last one is to be always focused on a problem rather than to find solutions. So it is problems have its importance you identify what are the problems that are there but you do not stick with the problems you do not continue to just keep circling around the problems because what you're doing is you're just bringing the problem larger to life without actually working on the solution. So when we continue to remain focused on what the problem is and blaming one another it's because of you it's because of this or because of that and not coming to hey okay let's keep that aside and let's figure out what is it that we can do to move ahead for a solution together. So finding those solutions is very important. When together when you are in a team that's what when we continue to look at the problems that kind of brings number one the motivation or the morale of the team. So and as a result keeps people from really solving a problem but then when we're looking at a solution when we're setting our minds on focusing on getting a solution everyone is involved everyone's putting their heads to it so similarly within a team within a couple of teams as well not focusing specifically on the problem but working together to find the best solutions. So what are some of the hindrances that we spoke about we spoke about self-preservation selfishness competition right blaming instead of taking responsibility and the last one being problem focus instead of finding solutions okay. So it's important to notice this or to understand this because it gives we need to be aware of what we could be engaging in without really thinking about it especially when we are in marriage we may tend to follow through some of this like for example we said about self-preservation you may see something that's important to you and without a question without asking yourself a question you know is this something that is needed for me to do now is there something that my spouse would like me to pitch in at this point of time you know without us being intentional and actually being aware and questioning it we may not be in a position to understand that this becomes hindrances to becoming that a good team together okay. Alright I'm just going to stop briefly for a couple of minutes are there any thoughts are there any questions any comments any thoughts okay it's a fairly very very quiet day today okay if there isn't anything I will move on okay so the next thing that we are going to be looking on is what is it that actually makes a good husband and wife team what is it that shows you that a team is good what are some of the characteristics or what are some of the signs what are some of the evidences that show you that a team that a husband wife is a good team together okay so let's draw from scripture let's just take Psalm 133 verses 1 to 3 could somebody please read that Psalm 133 verses 1 to 3 can somebody read it please go ahead Anthony okay behold how good and behold how good and how pleasant it is for present dwells together in unity it is like the pressure oil upon the head running down on the sea edge the beard of Aaron running down on the edge of his gamut verse 3 is like the dew of famine descending upon the mountains of Zion for dear the Lord commanded the blessing life forever more thank you thank you Anthony okay so great so let's if we if we are to look at this verse we see one of the things that it you know there are exclamations in the first verse it says how wonderful it is how pleasant for God's people to live together in harmony so the way that it is put up or how good it is I think in some other version it says how good it is okay when God's people live together in harmony so this is something that brings God joy when when God's people are together living in harmony it brings joy it brings God is pleased with the fact that people live together in harmony and when he is pleased what happens he releases something he releases his blessing it says it is like the precious anointing oil running down from Aaron's head so God is the one when he sees unity he's the one who commands blessing and life he's the one who commands a blessing to to the people there so he releases it's like it is like the precious anointing oil so it is very he releases his power he releases his anointing he releases he releases the presence of the Holy Spirit to the people in unity okay it is like the dew on Mount Hermon falling on the hills of Zion that is where the Lord has promised his blessing so again the dew what does dew do dew helps to refresh it helps to bring about a sense of renewal a sense of newness right a sense of revival so it says wherever there is unity it's like the dew where it becomes a refreshing place it becomes a place of renewal and this is where and it says that is where the Lord has promised his blessing life that never ends so where there is unity there is a blessing there is anointing there is a refreshing these are things that's there when people are together okay so it's giving us a context of what happens when a team is together when husband and wife are together so what what is what is it that makes two people a good team a husband and wife a good team so the first one is when they are actually intentionally and consciously making an event to stay in that unity and harmony right so it's not something that that you know especially when we were looking at the last chapter we were talking about how we're all different because we're all different there are going to be different opinions and ideas and the way that we see the world and the way that we do things in the world but it says when we make effort when we are intentionally walking in that place of unity and harmony there is the blessing that comes as it is described in these three verses so you're making that intentional effort so you're making that intentional effort to probably sacrifice your time or sacrifice maybe you having a good day with your friends outside and say no you know that's the time that I can spend with my family probably doing things that's important or that is the effort that you take in stepping down from probably spending too much on a certain thing and looking at the needs of the family and giving unto that so it's a place where you make effort it's an intentional it's a conscious it's a deliberate choice that you do to make that effort to stay in unity and harmony what's another way that what is it that makes it is when we are able to look at each person within the family or within the marriage as a different being as a different person with their own likes or their own personalities their own strengths their own weaknesses and begin to respect them for the way that they are or their perspectives and opinions so the more that you are in a place of respect you're in a place of acceptance you tend to accept a lot more things when you respect so understanding that everyone is not made like you and are very different in their in the way that they see life in the way that they pursue life so the more that you accept that and understand those differences you are coming to a place of becoming a good team the third one is through roles so when there is a clear demarcation and understanding of the roles that each person needs to play the team works well right like for example when the husband knows that he being the head of the home may require to take leadership probably of certain things at a certain season maybe financially has to probably take up a lot more responsibility because maybe at that season the wife may be taking care of young children not taking care of young babies where the husband picks up on that role and supports either financially or supports even physically to help bring up the baby that is something that makes again brings about a good team and these roles are like we said it's things that have been defined but yet coming together and supporting where help is needed or to be able to work together so that they complement one another at the times that there may be a need at the times that there may be challenges that's going on so they working together so that they could complement one another is when the roles each person's roles are being enhanced you also become a good team when you are able to share interest and pursue common goals these goals could be could be different finding things that both the husband and the wife can work towards it is to be able to share that interest or to share that certain goal and to pursue that interest or that activity whether it be spiritual, whether it be something for the family whether it be something to do with recreation any of this to build about a larger purpose of life the next is to work together as good teammates especially in different kinds of areas one is the communication you become you become a good teammate by actually a good communication by actually committing to speak and discuss and find ways of how you can deal with challenging situations together communication when you are working together as a teammate you are working to build your communication you are also also attempting to do things together as a team instead of managing things independently you are doing that on all levels whether it be a physical that is running a home not leaving it to one person to do or when there is an emotional struggle just allowing the one person to deal with that emotional struggle or recreational or work whatever it may be being able to do things together rather than doing it independently the next one is to be able to to be able to share in the team what may be going wrong sometimes as a couple there may be certain things that we may be doing that is not enhancing the entire team so to accept that some ideas or some ways in which you are doing certain things isn't helping and being able to share and accept that there may be certain criticism that could come or certain feedback that comes and accepting it for the bigger good of the entire team rather than taking it as a personal attack like for example let's say a husband and wife looking after children maybe one of the spouses comes and tells the other one we should probably spend more time with the children rather than sitting on the phone I'm just giving an example rather than sitting on the phone or rather than pursuing your own personal time of leisure spending more time it is important as a team you accept that feedback that critic has come rather than feeling a sense of being hurt or rejected because of what was told to you the next one is not being defensive that is when a feedback is brought the common thing that happens is you tend to defend your position and say I didn't do this or deflect your position which means you know you are pointing the finger back to me and pointing three fingers back to you what about you, how the number of times you have been doing things so it's more defensive on the way that you are approaching challenges that come about but when you are not defensive and accept your perspective then the team in itself also grows I think I will stop here for now and we will go in for a break we will take a break for 10-11 minutes it's 10-49 and we will return back at 11 o'clock