 Should you be picky about choosing your friends? Have a think about who your friends are right now. Have a think about the people that you're friendly with. Have a think about your acquaintances. Talk about, well think about the people that you spend the most time with. Now, have a think about what it is that you want to achieve in life. What are your goals? What's your vision? Now, I want you to think about, are those friends and are those acquaintances going to help you achieve that vision and achieve that goal? The people that you spend time with, the people that you socialize with, people that you hang out with, are they able to help you achieve this goal and this vision that you have? Are you clear on what your goal and what your vision is? It's okay if you're not. That's another episode on how to get clear on that, but so don't, I don't want you to like feel I'm such a loser. I don't know my vision. I'm not clear on that. I get it. It's fine, right? It's my vision still changing. But if you know what kind of direction you're heading in, whether it's getting a lot healthier, whether it's making more money, whether it's starting a business, whether it's getting out of the rat race, whether it's a life of travel, whether it's getting married, whether it's being a parent, if you kind of know what direction you're heading in, ask yourself, are my current friends, are my current acquaintances and my existing social group, are they going to help me get there? And if the answer is no, well, is it time to cut your friends? Is it time to exit your existing social group? Is it time to find a new group of friends and acquaintances? This is a tricky subject because some of us have had friends for years, great friends, wonderful friends, but great and wonderful friends for certain elements or a certain phase of our life. Not necessarily for the upcoming phase of our life. This is a tricky, tricky situation because your friends are your friends, you don't want to cut your friends, but if your friends are holding you back from achieving your vision and your goal and what you want to do and you're realizing that, then every single minute or every hour, every day or every week or every year that you spend continuing to socialize and be in that group of friends is holding you back from achieving your goal and your vision. Everyone's situation will be different, okay? I'm not going to hear, going to say a blanket statement like cut your friends, be ruthless, break up with your friends, but maybe you should do that for some of your friends. I have a woman, a platonic friend who's been a friend for 10 years, more than 10 years maybe, yeah, no, 10 years, a decade, and there have been phases over the last 10 years where I've been closer to her than other times and when I first met her, we were great friends, saw her every day in terms of like we worked in a similar work environment. When I had an office and I owned a PR company on Sunset Boulevard, she worked in the adjacent office, we became friends, we hung out a lot, always ever only platonic friends, but a great friend. Now, in the last four years, last four or five years, I've gone down a rabbit hole of self-development, of entrepreneurship, of learning about business and finances, of learning about my health, seven years ago I quit drinking, so my body has changed, my mindset around nutrition and health has changed, my mindset around what I want for my life in terms of building a business and learning about being an entrepreneur has changed, my focus has changed, how I spend my time has changed. I used to be obsessed with watching NFL and the Denver Broncos, I'm still a massive Denver Broncos fan in the NFL, but there were years living here in the U.S. where I would watch every single game every Sunday and that would just suck up my time. I mean, if a game started at one o'clock local time, I'd get ready at 12.30 to watch it and then I'd watch it from one until like 4.30 and then all of a sudden I've spent five hours committing to watching a group of guys run around in the football field and that's fine, it was enjoyable, it was fun as hell, but I started to ask myself, those five hours, could I have spent those five hours differently? Now with this friend I'm referring to, a Spatonic friend, we were great friends, we're still great friends, but while I went down a path of self-development and growth and learning about business and entrepreneurship and I started spending more time with people who were healthier and I started spending time who were successful in business, I found myself wanting to spend less time with her, less time with her thinking because she, in my opinion, has not progressed as quickly as I have and that's fine. I'm not saying I'm right and she's wrong, I'm just saying the way I've done it is right for me and the way that she's done it may still be right for her, but her thinking is more like not nutrition, not health. It's all, it's not all, but there's a lot of negativity, there's a lot of complaints, there's a lot of victim mentality, there's a lot of, my life is hard, there's a lot of maybe not, maybe making fun of people a little bit, not a lot, but a little bit and because now I have, I felt like I've progressed and I'm more positive and I'm more likely, I'm more of a glass half full kind of guy than a glass half empty, my new attitude and my new mentality doesn't mold well with hers, which has not changed, it's pretty much stayed the same. Now again, I want to stress here, I'm not such a smart person, I'm not such a smart person, I'm not so genius because I'm so self-developed and I read a book every day and I work out and I go to the gym and I understand, I'm not saying that I'm terrific and whatever, I'm just saying this is just the path that I've decided to walk down, this is the life that I've decided to lead, which is one of learning, always be learning, of being educated, of being surrounded by amazingly successful people in their field so I can then become successful in that field. She has not done that, in my opinion and so it's harder for me to spend time with her now because when I see her, she's still in the victim mentality, the playing small mentality, the just thinking that I have moved on from. Now, what have I done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've spent less and less and less and less time with her to the point where she'll now invite me places and I will decline. She's actually stopped inviting me places now because I don't accept but whereas before she would invite me places and I might go out of maybe a sense of obligation to the friendship part of it, another part being as I enjoy her company now, I don't enjoy her company as much, not because she's a bad person, she's a wonderful person, wonderful, wonderful friend but I don't want to be hanging out with that mentality, I don't want it because I am on a mentality of moving forward and if I put myself in that surroundings and I listen to that type of conversation, I'm going to get dragged down. We're competing or everything in life is competing for your attention, Facebook, Instagram, your friends, your family, text messaging, Game of Thrones, the football game, church, exercise, work, travel, McDonald's, billboards, radio ads, magazines, advertising is everywhere. Everything is trying to compete for your time and attention and I'll be damned if I'm going to give my time to something that sucks my energy just because that's what I've always done. There's a, in baseball, major league baseball, spring training, what happens? Well, team rosters, they cut a whole bunch of players and they add in new players so they cut the dead wood, they cut from the bottom and they just eliminate the poorest performing players and then they try to bring in new blood to always be improving the team. I like that analogy when it comes to your friends. I like the analogy of identifying which people in your life are the dead wood, the dead wood that are holding you back and just cutting them and bringing in new players. Cut the dead wood and bring in new players. Now, you may be listening to me going, that's harsh, James, man, that's harsh. You've been friends with someone for 10 years, 15 years, 5 years, they've been your friend for a reason, there's loyalty, you've got to help them, you've got to stick with them and sure, I get that, I totally get that. It's not like I've completely sacked my friend. I don't want to talk to you again, but I'm very, very picky and choosy about when and how and the circumstances around when I do speak with her. So now I'm less inclined to leave my place, get in an Uber, travel across town, sit down and have a lengthy lunch with her and then travel all the way back town. That's three hours of my time and an hour and a half of which I know is going to be talking about her problems and her issues. I don't want that. So now it might be on special occasions where it's a birthday or it's Christmas or I haven't spoken to her in a few months and I might just send her a little text, say how things, or I might do a phone call and I'll say at the beginning of the phone call, oh, listen, I've only got 15 minutes, but I just wanted to catch up and see how you're doing. And now I've set a time limit around that. Now you might be listening to this going, well, that's harsh, that's brutal, James. Like, I don't like that. Well, okay, you don't have to like it. This is not for everyone, but I'll tell you, I'll tell you this. The more I spend time around the types of friends that I want, the happier I am. It's no coincidence that my business and financial success in the last three or four years, building businesses, having money flow into my life, has come at the same time that I have chosen to make friends with entrepreneurs, with people who are focused on building businesses. It's no coincidence that since I have chosen to be healthier, that a lot of my friends are now healthier. They're like health coaches or personal trainers, or they really focus on their nutrition and their exercise. I had a party here at my West Hollywood home about a month ago. And I was thinking about the people who came over to my place. I had about 15 people here. I catered it. I got some really nice healthy paleo food that came in, no alcohol. And I think about the people who are invited and who turned up who are now my friends. And they include Ben Greenfield, who's a New York Times bestselling author of the book Beyond Training, and one of the best health coaches I think I've ever met or come across. Ben Greenfield from Ben Greenfield Fitness has a very successful podcast. Mark Dahmer, British guy, great friend of mine. Ripped, six foot four, ripped British guy, super healthy, former men's magazine model, former personal trainer to the stars. He used to train celebrities like Rita Ora, the musician, and a few other people, helps people with mindset now. Mark Dahmer was here. Daniel De Piazza, Daniel De Piazza from Rich 20 Something, a great friend of mine. Again, he's very much into health and fitness. He lives a very healthy life. He's doing amazing things. He's launching a book later this year, which we all hope will be a New York Times bestselling author. And I'm going to help him get there. Very business minded, very positive. Luke Story, new friend of mine, guy that I met recently. Also doesn't drink, quit drinking a while ago. Has a podcast as well. I was on his show. Wonderful woman called Anna. Also is creating a business, very entrepreneurial. And then a few other people turned up who were guests of some of the guests I invited, who again, were all into fitness and health and business and positivity. And all these people showed up at my place and we had a great mastermind session. And I was thinking about all these people like, wow, all these people are so nice and so positive. And they're all doing nice things and they're all doing things. And I'm thinking to myself, my friend who I was referring to at the beginning of this episode would not be, would not fit into this group of people because she doesn't share that mindset. And I loved the mindset that I was in when I had all those people in my home. That's what fuels me. That's what energizes me. That's what makes me happy. This other person would not fit in there. She'd be like, what's going on here? She might even say, this is a bit woo woo. Who are all these people drinking the positivity Kool-Aid? And that's fine. It's okay. It's not wrong. She's not wrong. It's just that mentality is wrong for me. So now I am picky about how I choose my friends. You might be listening to this going, well, this is so cutthroat and strategic and it shouldn't be like that. Maybe the world should be all, you know, let's just meet people and it doesn't matter what they do. And you're right, it doesn't matter what they do. And you might be listening to this going, well, you're just judging people on what they can do for you. No. People can still make you happy where there's no business or financial goal to that. Just enjoying someone's company. I'm in business. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm not saying I only spend time with entrepreneurs. I only spend time with people who are obsessed about their health. No, I'm not saying that. I will spend time with anyone who makes me feel good, who helps me grow and who ultimately helps me achieve my vision. And my vision includes being happy all the time or at least as much of the time as possible. It's not, it's actually not possible for me to be happy all the time. And studies have shown that you don't want to be happy all the time. You actually want a little bit of depression because then you can really appreciate the happiness. But what I'm saying is, is that if someone is holding me back from achieving my goal of being as happy as I can and being as successful as I can. And the lifestyle that I can, then I'm going to cut them or I'm going to significantly reduce the amount of time that I spend with them. I'm going to double down on the people who helped me achieve my vision. And I'm going to cut or significantly reduce the amount of time that I spend or that I give to people who don't help me in that vision. If someone makes me happy, has absolutely nothing to do with being an entrepreneur, but someone makes me happy just by being around them and maybe they're not as fit and as healthy as they could be. But I learn from them and they make me happy by being in their company. Then sure, they're in, they're in. But if someone's holding me back, if someone's skeptical, someone doesn't support me, even if they've been a friend for 10 or 20 years, I'm going to spend less time with them. My best friend in the whole world, my best mate is a guy called Anthony McDonald. He lives in Brisbane, Australia, grew up with him, met him in 1987 as a 12 year old kid. We were best mates through high school. We lived together in the first few years out of high school in Brisbane, Australia. Then since then, since 1999, I have left Australia and I went to London for four years and now I've been in America ever since pretty much. I also lived in Columbia and Argentina for a time, but I only see my best mate, Macca. His nickname is Macca, Anthony McDonald Macca. I only see him once a year now. I only talk to him twice a year. So I see him once a year in person when I fly back to Brisbane and I talk to him on the phone probably once a year. So we only really communicate twice a year. In person, it's usually a dinner. We catch up three hour dinner and we have cook a barbecue. We catch up how you're doing. And then maybe once in the year, if I'm driving between San Diego and LA and a car or something and the time zones right ago, I might give Macca a call. See how he's doing and I'll call Macca. Macca's got a couple of kids. Lovely children. He's separated now. We've got a new partner. He's my best mate. He'll always be my best mate. But for 363 days of the year, I don't even talk to him. Now Macca and I are on different paths. Macca is not an entrepreneur. He works in a job. He works in the steel industry, buys and sells steel. He's very high up there. He's great at what he does. Everyone loves him. Wonderful guy. And his life up until this point is in a job, gets a salary. He's very, very good at it and he lives in Brisbane. There's not much world travel. He's raising his kids. He loves to play golf. He loves to have a couple beers. He loves to watch sport on the Sunday. He loves to go to Fraser Island, which is an island off the coast of the state of Queensland where I grew up. He loves to go camping. He loves to do all those things. Now all of those things that I just brought it off, I don't like to do any of those 10 things. I don't want to go camping on Fraser Island. I don't want to drink beers on a Sunday afternoon. I don't want to spend every weekend playing golf. I mean, I play golf a couple of times a year. I go and play around a golf with my father and Brisbane when I go back at the Pacific golf course in Brisbane, Australia. I play there once a year with him when I go back and see my dad. I don't want to stay in Brisbane and be based in Brisbane. I want to travel. I want to travel the world and I do travel. Last year I went through the Baltics to Latvia, Lithuania. I went to Belarus. I was in London a couple of times. I went skiing in Wyoming in the US. I went to Denver and Boulder, Colorado and I travel like I love to travel. I went to Finland. I went to Norway and Sweden and Denmark. I love to travel. Macca doesn't like to do any of that stuff. Well, maybe he would like to do it, but it's not a high. It's not high on his list of priority. He loves to do all the other stuff. He loves stuff that I don't love, but guess what? It's okay. I'm not spending 363 days of the year talking to Macca about that. There's two days of the year and that's okay. And that's awesome. Spending 363 days of my year talking to my best mate is not going to help me get to my goal. Because we're so vastly different. My goal is different from his goal. But guess what? He and I still love one another. We're still best mates. And when I see him, I hug him and we embrace and we catch up and it's awesome. And when we talk on the phone, we catch up and it's awesome. And I really value it and he's going to be my best mate for the rest of time, even though I only talk to him twice a year. Two days of the year is the only times that I communicate with him. So I have not cut my friend. It's just I'm picky about how much time I spend with him. Now it's easy because I live on the other side of the world, right? It's a lot easier, but you understand the point I'm trying to make here. You don't need to like just disown people and cut them. You don't always have to do that. People can still be great friends. But you do have to choose the time that you're going to spend with them. You do have to choose how much time you're going to be in their company and listen to them because if they're taking away from your vision, if they're sucking time and their thoughts don't help you in your vision, then every time that you spend with them listening to their counterview or they're preventing you from doing that, a part of your soul is dying. So you can feel socially obligated if you want. You can feel obligated to the friendship, but that's not going to make you happy. If you're doing it out of a sense of obligation, that's going to suck away at your soul. That's not going to make you happy. And ultimately, it's going to put a strain on the friendship anyway in whatever relationship you have because you won't be happy because now you're doing something almost against your will. So you have to be picky about choosing your friends. That's my thought. Some people disagree. You don't have to agree. It's okay. That's my view. You should be picky about how you choose your friends and who your friends are. And I get it when it comes to family as well. You can choose your family sometimes. Don't support your goals. Don't support your vision. People say, we can't just cut your family. No, you can't just cut your family. Your family is your family, but you can choose how and when to interact with your family. You have the power. It's your life. You can still love your family. You can still love and support your family, but be a lot pickier about when and how you spend your time with your family because if you realize that your family is holding you back, then your family is not serving you in your vision. And ultimately that's going to cause you pain and suffering. Now, I don't want you to be going, James Swanik said on the James Swanik show that I should cut my family and I should cut my friends. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying you should think about maybe cutting some of your friends, maybe just adjusting how much time you spend with them, how you spend your time with them. Some of them will just naturally be cut as you move into a new group of people. When I was drinking alcohol, I used to go to the Jones Bar on Santa Monica Boulevard here in West Hollywood. A couple of times a night, a couple of times a week rather with a friend of mine. Get a gin and tonic, have a couple of drinks. And when I was at the bar, I would be talking to people who were also drinking and drinking was part of their life and that was fine. That was okay. But it also coincided with a time when I was a little bit overweight and not working out and I wouldn't sleep very well because I was drinking and got a little chubby and a little bit slow and I wasn't as productive. The moment I quit drinking and stopped going to the Jones Bar on Santa Monica Boulevard and stopped hanging out with other people who were drinking was the moment that I started when I joined a gym and when I met other people who were health conscious who invited me to go hiking. And when I went hiking, I met other people who were enthusiastic about hiking and being out in the sun and nutrition. And that coincided with the time that I just happened to meet another person who wrote a book about health and nutrition and then I met an entrepreneur and then the entrepreneur introduced me to another entrepreneur and then all of a sudden I'm socializing and then I meet who would end up being a business coach of mine, Tai Lopez. And through Tai Lopez, I met other entrepreneurs and through reading other entrepreneurs, I met other entrepreneurs and all of a sudden now I'm thinking about being an entrepreneur and now all of a sudden years later, I'm inviting people to my house and the invitation list includes New York Times bestselling authors, health experts and entrepreneurs, which is the lifestyle that I want for myself. I'm not saying that an entrepreneur life or a healthy life is the best life for you. It may not be. I'm just saying that's what works best for me. That's the life that I want. The point is this, when you start spending time with people who are already doing what you want to do or who share the same interests as you share, it's amazing how much you can achieve. Ben Greenfield has talked about my swanese blue light blocking glasses on his podcast. Mark Dahmer has talked about my 30 Day No Alcohol Challenge on his podcast and to his followers and to his email list. Mark Dahmer has given me health and coaching advice. Ben Greenfield has given me health and physical training advice because I'm interested in health and entrepreneurship. There's a phrase that says you're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. It's true. You spend the most time with people who are bringing you down or sucking away at your soul or negative. Then you're going to be negative. My dad says if you lay down with dogs, you come up with fleas. You hang out with dogs, you're going to get fleas. You hang out with healthy people. Chances are you're going to be healthy. You hang out with successful people. Chances are you're going to become successful. You hang out with a bunch of big drinkers and party animals. Chances are you're going to be a big drinker and a party animal. If you're a guy and you want six pack abs, the easiest way to get six pack abs is to make your five new best friends or be like male models with six pack abs. Because just by being around them, you'll learn by osmosis. You'll learn what to eat, what not to eat. Ab exercises. You want to...