 So yesterday in one of my live stream videos one of the Viewers wrote in a comment and she said Jonathan while I love your content and it and it totally resonates with me Quite frankly, I don't feel very I don't feel much hope Given the current state of affairs as I call it the dating marketplace and as I was reading it I really empathized with how she felt in in the sense that it is quite frustrating to Find ourselves in a society where we're quite disposable quite frankly And it's certainly shifted in the last 20 30 50 years if you will I think the mating process in general To actually find a partner who really is truly aligned to who you are and what you want in life And I can understand that and so to experience that kind of relationship where you feel adored And or How does that happen? How does that happen given the state of affairs? And I think one of the challenges we have to recognize that the reality of life is and I think this is what she was Reflecting upon the reality of life is to find a truly healthy partner is a needle in the haystack I'm just going to be candid with you. It is truly a needle in the haystack the question is Do you want to become the pin cushion and what I mean to say and not in the derogatory way? Do you want to find yourself in a position where men are attracted to you? Men want to adore you or are you going to come from the pessimistic view that it's come? It's almost impossible Listen part of the problem is right now We are we are a society of there's a lot of mental health issues going on and I mean, let me reframe that emotional mental health issues going on Unlike ever before because in the past ladies, I want you to think about this really think about this for a second throughout history Women have been subjugated to the whims of men. They have absolutely had to settle Based on survival, that's right women had to settle on whomever who would accept them Based on survival needs and that's certainly changed in the last 50 years. Women are no longer dependent upon men for their survival. I Think what's happened from a DNA perspective, and this is just merely my opinion. I think to some degree Women throughout history have been so dependent upon men From a survival perspective that it's bled into now Dependent on men to love them for them to feel good about themselves. That's right I truly believe women more so than men are dependent on men to love them so they can feel good about themselves Now I don't mean all women. I just mean that this seems to be the challenge today Maybe not with the younger generation Maybe not the Gen Z's and the Millennials, but certainly for those of us who are in the baby boom generation and the Gen X Generation fact sadly, I think we're suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself and this is true of men and women alike This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help and spiritual work by the way, there's a link below get a copy of all the books. I recommend Why I'm sharing this with you is If you want to experience a relationship where you're adored And first you have to find that space within yourself to adore yourself You have to find that space within you To genuinely adore yourself and sadly I believe here at least here in the United States And I think this is a global issue. We're suffering from a place of I don't feel good enough I don't feel lovable and I don't feel likeable. That's right. I truly believe that's what we're experiencing In many degrees this this fear of not being loved not being enough And sadly dating triggers this like nobody's business because when you think about the repetitive nature that shift What I mean about I'll explain repetitive nature in a second In the past when we mated with people we mated within our tribe we mated within our village we mated within Our city or town most likely there was only one degree of separation And now because of our devices because of our devices Online dating or swipe apps have Literally leaped to the number one place to meet people and sadly we're meeting total strangers And when you meet a stranger, there's not one degree of separation There might be three or four degrees of separation what I mean to say is How can we trust somebody who's a total stranger? And yet sadly we have been so indoctrinated that chemistry equals relationship success So if there's even remote physical attraction for someone That means that we're completely Perfectly aligned for one another and that's now if you're listening to this and you're hearing this right now I want you to know that that's delusional thinking if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart I share this with you attraction Is above the waterline? That's the first thing we see is chemistry But compatibility is how you experience a relationship where you feel Genuinely adored by your partner and that's when you share the same values your lifestyles are blendable and most importantly They have the emotional maturity to lean into a healthy happy relationship So what's it going to take for a man to fully feel a be fully Be fully be capable to adore their partner. I've been noodling on this because I'll be candid with you. I'm in what I call a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship It's taken over 50 years for me to experience this I wonder when to think about this I certainly got married, but I don't really believe that was real love When I first got married I was a baby. I didn't know any better I was experiencing love attachment style And then my most second my most significant Relationship after my divorce was another woman I was I was I thought I was in love with her but and I am clear that I was it while there is There is care for this other person deep care I was experiencing my anxious attachment style reliving my experience from my childhood of having a mother who was emotionally disconnected If you're not familiar with the book Attached by Amira Levine and Rachel Heller as well as the book getting the love you want by Harbell Henryx and Helen Hunt I highly recommend check clicking the link below in the description to my books. I recommend I lay out all the books that I recommend I didn't pull that out today because I want to lean into a deeper conversation It's taken me over 50 years. I had to be in my late 50s To meet this special person. Why did it take so long? Why did it take so long to meet someone? That could actually be capable of adoring Because ultimately if a man isn't in this space that i'm about to share with you in a second If he's not in this space, then it's going to be very difficult for him to lean into Leaning in not leaning back leaning in to the space of adoring you Every man has to experience this to be capable of doing this For the long term look at I know many of you can experience short-lived relationships You can play a lot of the dating coaches games out there Manipulative games text this when he says this do this when he does that Folks all of those are for short-term gains You can play the leaning back in your feminine energy which creates anxiety in a person Which can create anxiety in a person not always That he might temporarily want to pursue you but at the end of the day if he doesn't have this foundation in his life To actually lean into a healthier happy relationship. It's going to be very problematic. This is why folks I I know this is the depressing news i'm about to share But here's the reality. This is about emotional maturity and relationship skills and again This is not a fact. This is merely an opinion I believe 20 of the population has clinical issues And while I state 20 of the population is emotionally healthy As good skills, I believe most people are dysfunctional So you can play the games Or you can do a better job of weeding men out And what I mean to say is to weed out the men who are most likely Incapable of leaning into a healthy happy relationship Now I want to recommend a book right now that I think would Totally change your life and help you. Okay, look I know you all love the idea that men are the leaders of the relationship And they just will come in and sweep you off your feet. I know you love that idea It sounds fantastic as movies have been made about it The reality is is Men throughout history might have been the provider protectors from the physical realm of the relationship The end of the day women Predominantly have been the emotional containers of the relationship They are the ones that can lead by example to actually open a man's heart up to deeper love Unless he's in this space This is why I want to recommend this book by Barbara DeAngelis How to make love all the time Why I love this book is these are great examples of creating deeper connection with someone And by doing this you actually can weed out the men Who are capable of leaning into a healthy happy relationship? And let me explain. Okay 80 percent of men aren't there. That's the reality of it My job as a coach This is what I do as a coach is help you help to put the odds in your favor to get to the other 20 percent Who are actually capable Of doing what i'm about to share with you I want to put the odds in your favor by the way There's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you And if you can't afford coaching check out my link to my group Midlife love mastery. This is a great group for less than 20 a month You can have direct access to me and if you join today I'll shoot a personalized video just for you. So check out the link right there A man has to be in a state Of commitment readiness The only way he can genuinely adore you beyond the surface adoration I'm talking about looking in your partner's eyes and really appreciating your partner and say I want you not just from the physical Sensual sexual perspective. I want to embody I'm not embody. I want to embrace all of you When you can experience a man who wants to embrace all of you that to me is the definition of adoration And he doesn't look at your flaws I don't even like the word flaws the flaws you may think you have within yourself. I think of my girlfriend She points out her flaws all the time her physical flaws What I mean she pointed out is Like I appreciate her capacity To be vulnerable authentic and transparent because she knows I'm not going to run away So she shares some insecurities with me I'm so tired of the rhetoric out there right now that we can't be vulnerable authentic and transparent It is through that that we can build the deeper roots of emotional intimacy with our partner But the same time as I said a moment ago For a man to be capable to fully adore you He has to be in a state of readiness for commitment So ladies look it I know you love the idea that first date second date third dates He's romantic and he's chivalrous and he does all these fantastic things to woo you Romance should be reserved For those in a seasoned relationship not as a precursor to get into a relationship You've been sold this idea. You love this idea. You buy into this idea and what happens over and over and over again Remember the tinder swindler. He romance the heck out of her private jets everywhere until he used And abused this person Romance is not the entry point to a relationship character values Lifestyle emotional maturity those are the ingredients along with chemistry and attraction But ultimately We are sitting in a we are in a sea of opportunities. What I mean is there's so many options There's so many options right now that it's difficult It's difficult to sift through these options This is why you have to cut to the quick lay your cards on the table be radically honest right from the get-go And what I mean to say is push his boundaries by testing him To see his capacity his readiness for commitment. This is why I definitely today I want to remind you of this book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman Folks, I want you I really only want you to read chapter one Here let me open it up chapter one page 38 page 38 spare with me What's the it's called lean on me trust and commitment trust and commitment Without establishing this very early on Very early on you might be setting yourself up For an experience that will let you down As I said earlier in this broadcast Dating triggers are number one emotional health issue of I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likeable Without establishing the ground rules very early on Right from the get-go why listen, what do you have to lose? Do you remember the Seinfeld episode where? Where george decides to do the opposite of what his natural instincts are What do you have to lose by trying to do something different by by literally laying the ground rules right up front right on that first phone call By weeding out men that are not capable of commitment You've got basically listen 80 percent of men aren't capable of this by the way This is true of women as well. You just you girls are no pick you ladies excuse me are no picnic either There are plenty of amber herds out there Or variations of her Deborah you'll like that one And that's not my girlfriend's name um You have to do a better job establishing. What are the ground rules to what this commitment look like for you? And how can I trust you how are you going to how are you going to Demonstrate trust and trust isn't just merely about fidelity trust is do you have my best interests at heart? You know, thankfully there are a lot of good men out there that genuinely look out for a woman's best interest right from the very get-go I've kind of been 50 50 on this But ultimately Determining his state of readiness for commitment Is your vehicle to actually being adored by someone because without it You could find yourself being used by someone And ladies, you know before I you know my recommendation is before you become physically intimate with someone Do a better job of vetting them? I know listen. I recognize Jonathan. This seems like a lot of work. Shouldn't this be easier? No It's not It's going to be hard if you want something of value. It's going to take monumental effort to make this happen No olympic athlete who wins the gold walks up and says i'm not going to train. I'm not going to do any work I'm just going to run and do the you know the one mile run and i'm just going to win it They train for years. Well, guess what if you want a juicy delicious relationship? And I got to tell you I've been training for a decade and a half after my divorce I've been training for this relationship So I am a big proponent of individuals having some self-awareness that they've done some Introspective work some personal development work some self-help work some spiritual work to prepare them to be in the state of readiness So they can actually lean into the experience of adoring you And that is my hope for everyone. So do you want to feel adored? Choose a man who's capable of commitment and readiness And if you too hit it off you have a great chance to experience adoration in this relationship All right, I think that's enough for I want to share today I'd like to hear your thoughts on this Please post a comment below if you like this video, please hit the like button. Please hit the share Please tell your friends about my channel. Please subscribe to my channel Check out the links in the description below for the books. I recommend joining my group midlife love mastery or Scheduling a chat with me to see if working with a coach is right for you And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off. Give myself a big gigantic joth america self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone pet teddy bear pillow Give enter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye. Bye