 My name is Jeremiah Sumerian and welcome to harsh critique. Oh boy. The article I have to look at today is something by a individual known as a witness. And witness is a scp049 super fan who has actually asked me, they're a patron, asked me specifically to tear apart several of their drafts. And well, since they're a patron, I've agreed to do so. So to make a point, by the way, this article is actually on the wiki right now at plus 92. So take that as you will. But it's called boiled scrambled and fried. SCP049 was sick. For the first time in its stay at the foundation, there was something clearly wrong with it. Over the security cameras that had been observed holding its stomach and moaning, limping around its cell and stopping occasionally to lie down. The medical staff didn't know what to think. There was nothing noticeably off about the plague doctor except for the strange stomach pains. It didn't help that there was no way to get access to its body beneath all of its skin robes. That's a phrase I never thought I would say. SCP049 was taken to the medical station for a proper examination. Oh, a proper examination. I see. This caretaker was Dr. Richard O'Mell, which f***ing omelets. This whole thing is about eggs. Who specialized in the care of humanoid anomalies? Please, I beg you doctor, leave me be. I can assure you I am strong enough to withstand the pain. SCP049 struggled against his restraints as Dr. O'Mell examined him. And then we come to Dr. O'Mell, who, I'm sorry, given the dialogue, which is really bad, I can only hear as like a surfer dude. So it's like, man, what happened to you, 049? This is bizarre. That's nothing realistic about that, by the way. What? Man, what happened to you, 049? This is bizarre. I mean, let's just break it down. The articles writing outside of the dialogue is, well, who cares? But the dialogue is so bad. It's not realistic in any way. It doesn't sound like real people talking. And while I get that this is supposed to be super weird and absurd, that doesn't mean you can write badly when you're doing it. Man, what happened to you? Who talks like that? Who looks down? Oh, there's a man. Man, what happened? And even if someone did talk like that, it wouldn't be a doctor at the SCP Foundation. This and this is bizarre. I love how the characters in the dialogue here always state things that are blatantly obvious to both the audience and all of the characters who are present. You don't need to say this is bizarre. 049 is doing something weird. We all noticed it. That's why you're there. Oh, man, I felt the lump in SCP 049's stomach because he touched the doctor with his gloved hand. Abdominal distention, maybe? SCP 049's breathing became labored as it spoke. I'll be fine. This has happened to me before. And I promise that it's no disease. Then you know what's happening. Why didn't you tell us? Dr. O'Mell stopped touching it. Well, that's an indefinite pronoun that makes that a really weird sentence. I'm not really sure if you're talking about his stomach, if you're talking about 049 in general, or if you're talking about something else. Oh, for fuck's sake. I did not think you would believe me. So I said nothing. Doctor, I'm pregnant. So already, I can tell this is SCP 049 fanfiction. And a particularly weird branch of it that involves, I think, I think it's male pregnancy. I mean, maybe just be that. It's like a basic descriptive term. Oh, wow. You're what? I'm sorry. I can't explain it. Please just let me return to my cell. I need to make the proper preparations. But how can you be pregnant? We haven't let you out of our site in months. SCP 049... Oh my God. No one talks like that. How can you... He's again stating stuff that everyone already knows. We haven't let you sit out of our site in months. We know. You know. He knows. Everyone watching knows. Everyone... And even if the reader doesn't know, because it's not contextually included, you don't say it. That's the whole point of... When someone says, show, don't tell, this is what they're talking about. SCP 049 tensed up and began breathing heavily. It looked like it was in intense pain. It looked like it was in intense pain. Oh, you see the problem with that? Oh, man. I love this. So there are three reiterations of the same concept, but done differently. So SCP 049 tensed up and began breathing heavily. That is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Everything after that and that entire paragraph is bad. It looked like it was in intense pain. Well, you just said he tensed up and began breathing heavily. Don't tell me what he is. Tell me what he's doing. And then, of course, you add on, 049, are you all right? Because he's in intense pain, of course. 049, are you all right? I mean... All three of those sentences communicate the same thing to the reader. And two of them are unnecessary and two of them do it clumsily. Don't concern yourself with me. This will only take a moment. SCP 049 ran out of the room to retrieve more members of the medical staff. Not sure what they're going to do to help you, but okay. SCP 049 continued to struggle and gasp in pain until it shuttered and let out a cry. Now, 049 and the others returned just in time to see a pearly white egg tumble out from beneath its robes. SCP 049 recovered quickly and spoke. Doctor, would you please free me from these shackles? I need to tend to the egg. It will die without my care. Dr. O'Mell was so shocked that he complied. That makes no fucking sense. He was so shocked that he complied. Just what? And SCP 049 gently reached down to pick up the egg and cradled it in his arms. And then some other random doctor. We'll need to file a report about this immediately. Good to know I kind of figured as much. Breathe one of the doctors. This has never happened before. I mean, I feel almost bad for the person that wrote that. This has never happened before, as if everything that you've written so far hasn't made that abundantly clear. You're telling me, honestly, SCP 049 has never laid an egg before. And if he has, you gave me plenty of contextual information that this was surprising to Dr. Omelette. So why in the world would you say out loud, this has never happened before to the reader? Because no one in the universe needs to know that. Oh man, but SCP 049 slowly rocked the egg back and forth. The Foundation kindly allowed SCP 049 to keep and raise the egg for research purposes. What research purposes? I want to see how SCP 049 handles an egg. For the past five days, it devoted all of its energy to take care of the egg. It had requested fabric and paper, which the Foundation granted to it. And from those materials that made a nest in the corner of its cell, the egg was safely contained within the soft nest. And SCP 049 sat on it to keep it warm. Many scientists reported hearing soft clucking noises from the sp- Oh f**k you. My god, I hate this kind of fan fiction. Dr. Omelette was standing in the o- I'm just gonna call this guy Dr. Omelette from now on. Dr. Omelette was standing in the o- Cause I mean, his name is Dr. Omel. Dr. Omelette was standing in the observation room, having come to write a report on SCP 049 after the event had taken place. It seemed healthy and the egg was in fine condition. Still, this was all very strange. Thanks. I hadn't noticed. Neither had anyone else. SCP 049 certainly- Why is this rated plus 92? This gives me so much- You know, I was- I was building up this hope that the SCP Foundation was doing better and better, but you know what? This is an object lesson in what I have been preaching for f**king months now, and almost a year now, that writing for the SCP Foundation is super f**king easy. Mmm. Cause this is not only succeeding on- This is not only like living on the wiki, it didn't just get to plus 10 or plus 20 or something. It's plus 92 and it's probably gonna go over plus 100. It seemed healthy and the egg was in fine condition. Still, this was all very strange. SCP 049 certainly had a bird-like appearance, but that mean it was really a bird? No! You f**king idiot! The writer wants that to be the f**king case. I don't know how to confront SCP 049 when it began to softly peck at the egg. 049, could you explain to me exactly what you're trying to do? Dr. Omelette's voice- Oh, I'm sorry, I did that in the wrong voice. 049, could you explain to me exactly what you're trying to do? Dr. Omelette's voice crackled over the speakers in 049's cell. What needs to be explained? I was just checking for signs of life within the egg, which I found. SCP 049 stood up, returning the egg to its nest, and sat on top of it again. F**k you. For real? Are you a bird? What? I asked if you were a bird. It's just, you know, it's not normal for something humanoid like yourself to lay an egg. God, this guy's a f**king idiot. I'll leave it to you to decide whether I'm talking about the author or the character. SCP 049 thought about it for a moment. No, as far as I'm aware, I've never been a bird. I've never been a bird? What, like, what? Yet, producing eggs is natural to me. By the way, you know what really bothered me about that? Like, this is obvious. Like, I want SCP 049 to be an actual bird fan fiction, but the problem I have with it is that it's, like, so obvious. You're a bird, you're a bird. Are you a bird? There was soft, clucking noises. I lay eggs. But you know what? Animals besides birds lay eggs, you stupid f**k. Then how often does this happen to you? It's difficult to keep track of time, but I believe it has not happened for decades. Oh, I see. Dr. Omelette couldn't believe that he was actually... I can't believe the... Dr. Omelette couldn't believe that he was actually writing all of this in an official report. I can't believe that the author wrote this down on an actual article. SCP 049 began humming to itself as it rocked back and forth on the nest. Ten days after the egg had emerged, SCP 049's cell was filled with researchers holding cameras and taking notes. A glass shield ran through the middle of the room, keeping them safe in case 049 made a move and multiple guards were on standby. Today was a big day. Whatever was inside the egg was going to hatch. How do they know that? No idea. You don't give me any information on that case. And you also put an exclamation point at the end of it, like I'm supposed to be excited about this bullshit. SCP 049 stood protectively over the nest while the researchers whispered to each other on the other side of the room. I want you to remember, as I read further, that there's a glass shield separating the researchers from SCP 049. They literally cannot cross over to where they are. And they can't cross over to where he is. The egg was shaking as a crack in the center began to grow bigger and bigger. Finally, something began to break through. A white beak broke free of the shell and then the creature inside tore itself free with its arms. It was another plague doctor. It was small and looked kind of funny and looked kind of funny. Any time, let me just give you a free tip right here. Any time when you are writing something, you write down what something looks like. And that includes in an SCP document, by the way. But this is a tale. But even in an SCP document, that is the wrong thing to do. You have made a poor decision. Don't do it again. It was small and looked kind of funny. And compare- is it- is it looking that way? Or is it just kind of funny? It was small and looked kind of funny in comparison to its father. SCP 049 let out a gasp of excitement and picked up the small doctor, hugging it in its arms. Should- should we do something about this? I don't know. Why? Just as soon as the excitement reached- What excitement? Why would- Just as soon as the excitement reached its climax, the doctors in the room realized they had just witnessed. They just realized this? They didn't realize it immediately when they saw another one come out? They had just witnessed the birth of a new anomaly that they knew nothing about. Why was it wearing a hat? Why did it smell like a garden? Dr. Omelette was the first to step forward cautiously. 049, would you please put down that thing? I know you must be excited, but we need to observe it in. Dr. Omelette began reaching towards 049. Whoever treated when the small plague doctor in his arms spun around and smacked his hand with a stick. Now attach the doctor. Small doctor leaped from 049's arms and swiftly exited the cell before anyone could react. So two things. Remember that glass partition that separates everything? What the f***? That's all I got to say about that. So somehow, even though this glass shield separating them, he was able to reach out towards 049. And 049's little f***ing demon baby decided it was a good idea to just jump out and go out the door. Because that makes sense. They left the door open on 049's side of the shield. As the containment breach alarms blared, 049 wiped a joyful tear from one of its eyes. He is the cure. This is not funny. This is absurd. This is a bad tale. Like this is one of those things where it's like, oh man, the concept is really silly, but it's executed so clumsily. I hadn't read this until someone paid me to do so. And I'm really, really, really rethinking that concept. Anyway, see you in the next video. Bye.