 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm John Finasi of johnfinasi.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today, our topic, how to know he's serious about a relationship. We're gonna find out how to know for sure. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you could be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if a F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So all I ask is you give me a little bit of a chance. All right, let's talk about how to know if you really, really, how to know if he wants a serious relationship. Well, let's think back about 60 years ago. For the most part, and I'm thinking here in the United States for the most part, and I just said for the most part, now I've said that three times. If two people, if a couple want to have sex, they usually got married because back in the olden times, sex wasn't given for freely like it is today, so there had to be some level of commitment. In fact, marriage was the fullest level of commitment. So it was most likely, well, it was the most serious form of relationship if we'd like to think that marriage is the most serious form of relationship. So for the, God, I'm saying for the most part, repeatedly, I have to rewind myself right there. So when we look back to the past, there certainly was a level of commitment that was just part of the dating process that doesn't exist today. In fact, I'd say it's changed dramatically in the last 100 years, and certainly it's changed dramatically in the last 20 years since the invention of the internet, since the invention of these smartphones. And quite frankly, I think most of us would agree that dating has turned into a shit show. I mean, a true shit show. Now, what I mean by that is one thing I'm noticing particularly with the midlife category and my area of expertise happens to be midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement, one of the significant contributors to this shit show that I said was that for the most part, most people are experiencing rebound relationships, rebound relationships. And I want you to think about this. So roughly about 75% of singles who are over 45 years old are divorced. So they had one significant relationship in their life, maybe two that didn't go the distance. So now the next go around, they wanna make it right, they wanna make it right, they wanna make it right. And what happens is in today's dating realm because of the internet, because of the access to so many people, what's happening is a lot of human beings, again, mostly here in the United States because I can't speak for the entire world, but there's this repetition going on, this one after another, after another experience. I'm gonna repeat this repetition of one after another, after another experience. And what happens is this wears emotionally on most human beings if you've had one experience that didn't work out, another experience. And by the way, when I talk about experience, we could be talking about a first, second, or third date that doesn't go anywhere, a short-lived relationship that was maybe six weeks to three months long, or maybe a longer relationship, maybe a year or two that doesn't go the distance. And what we're seeing is a significant increase of short-lived relationships. And I believe these short-lived relationships actually wears on us emotionally and makes it difficult to actually bond with another human being. Let me add to that that some of these short-lived relationships might create attachments to the people that it ended with. And so what happens is that person tries to fill that void with somebody else. And this is true for men and women alike. They tried to fill the void that happened with the previous relationship and they might actually be yearning for that past relationship while they're engaging with this new relationship. I can tell you as a man out there, I've experienced this a number of times where I've gotten to know a woman. I was very interested in her. Only to have her go back to some previous relationship because that attachment wasn't complete. And I'm sure many of you have experienced the same thing because men do this and women do this. And this can wear on us emotionally, which makes it very difficult to know if someone wants a serious relationship. And I can understand why many of you are feeling frustrated in the process. And I gotta tell you, I'm there with you. I get it. I say this with, I say this humbly. It can wear on us emotionally and makes it very difficult to actually build trust with someone new, especially if you've been hurt more than once, one time, another time, another time, another time. And when I say the word hurt, I'm just gonna say been disappointed, let down, maybe worse feeling betrayed. Betrayed, yes. And it can feel like such a betrayal when you've given your heart to someone only to find out that they're either not ready for a relationship or worse, they're still holding on to someone else, not literally, but figuratively, but not literally, figure, well, you know what I mean. I'm a little tongue-tied right now. And so this is one of the big challenges we're dealing with. And I think it's rather naive to think of a fantasy way most people experience relationship. And yet what's so fascinating to me is people are falling in love every day. It's happening every day. People are connecting significantly on a regular basis. And many people are falling in love. So yes, it's a shit show out there. Yes, a significant percentage of the population is dysfunctional. And at the same time, people are falling in love all the time. And I think one of the big reasons this is happening because we've seen a shift in the fantasy way of dating and there's beginning to be an understanding of the importance to do personal development work and spiritual work and self-help work on oneself so they can actually make themselves ready for a relationship. And I'll talk about that in a few minutes. So let's dive in on how to know if a man is real serious about a relationship. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. I'm gonna pull up my notes. And I came up with a couple of things to share. And number one, and I think this is rather important to address is that they've had, whether it's a man or woman, they've had a significant relationship in their life. They've had a significant relationship in their life. Now there are a number of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s that have a number of casual, casual, short-lived relationship, short-lived relationship. That's not necessarily a good sign that someone has had a significant number of short-lived, casual relationships. For the most part, as I said earlier in the demographic of the over 45 category, most people have been married once before. So that's usually a little bit of a good sign but that's not necessarily, I think it's just important to recognize that they've at least attempted a long-term relationship at least once in their life. Now, this might give criticism to those people who have been never married. I am certainly not criticizing those that have been never married. I'm just here to say that they've had a significant relationship and what I think by significant relationship, it's somewhere between two to five years as a minimum, even if they weren't married, they've had a significant relationship in one's life. If two people have gone through two seasons together, two cycles of the earth traveling 365 days, if they've done that at least two times, that certainly at least means that they're open to the idea of a serious relationship. So I'd certainly want to get a sense of that. And the good news is most people fit into this category, not all, but most. Okay, number two, they ask you about your dating life. They ask you about your dating experience. In other words, they're inquiring about your past relationships. I think it's a good sign when somebody asks you about your past relationships because they're trying to get a sense. And by the way, this is true for men and women alike, but they're trying to get a sense of your experience. And I think people who are genuinely serious about a relationship want to get a sense of your past experience. Now, this can be a little bit tricky because men are also very territorial. And what we're mostly looking for, and at least I know in my case is, are you still attached to someone else in your past? So I know for me, I prefer not to date someone who's had a significant relationship or serious relationship in the last six months to a year at a minimum. And I can tell you when I came off my six year relationship, and there was a period where it was on and off again for six years, it took me a long time before I was ready for a serious relationship. And I say this because interesting enough, every time we broke up, I thought, I'm ready for a relationship. I'm ready for a relationship. I'm ready for a relationship. But I was still attached to this other person. I think it's highly important to ask, I mean, drill someone or interrogate someone, if you will, to get a sense of their past relationships because you may find that they're still attached to a previous relationship, but they're not admitting it upfront. So that's why I want you to become good detectives by asking better questions. In fact, my whole channel is designed to get you to look beyond the box, beyond the surface. I don't sugarcoat this stuff. I invite you to go deeper than the surface because most people, all they talk about on a first date is, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. In addition, many of you have been taught to just lean back in your feminine and do nothing and let the guy lead and let me tell you, that's a recipe for disaster. You are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. Don't you ever give that to a man. This is why, ladies, I continually recommend before the penis ever goes inside the vagina to purchase two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. Purchase two copies of this book. And the reason being is, you should be reading this together as you're getting to know one another. This literally asks all the great questions you can ask to get to know someone to see. Are you compatible with one another? Do you share the same values? Are your lifestyles blendable? And you'll get a sense of their emotional maturity because only emotionally immature people will reject this. Let me repeat that. Only emotionally immature people, mostly it's controlling people that will reject this. And you'll know right up front, if you invite this in and they are turned off by it, then they're really not your guy. And don't be afraid to speak your truth. In fact, those of you know, I wrote a book called What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, there's a link below to get all my recommended books. The reason why I'm recommending this book right now is chapter one is Speak Your Truth, deal with kindness. And chapter nine, or is it nine? Nine. If it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy. So don't be afraid to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to be transparent, to be radically honest. So ask those deeper questions. And number three, oh, men are upfront about their relationship goals. They're upfront about their relationship goals. I know I'm very upfront in the dating process. Those who follow my work know my rhetoric. I always say I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. So men who share their relationship goals with a little bit more forethought than, oh, I want a relationship. What the fuck does that mean? I want a relationship. Your ideal relationship and their ideal relationship could mean two different things. Their ideal relationship might be, you know what, I'm gonna see you at my beck and call when I feel up to it. That might be their idea of a relationship. Your idea might be more similar to mine. You want it to be more structured. So go beyond the surface and ask deeper questions and be mindful, is he sharing his relationship goals with you? Okay, number four. He's already making small commitments already. He's making small commitments already. This is how you can tell a man is serious. He's actually planning future dates with you and this is after having sex together. Let me be clear about something. There's the pre-sex where guys will say just about anything to get in your pants and then there's post-sex. Okay, I mean, well, not the post the first time sex. Is he continually making effort to make plans with you? Whether it's social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, going out on future dates, that's a great sign because these are little commitments. He maybe makes a commitment to go to a party with you. He makes a commitment to go to a family event with you. Those are great signs that he's serious that he wants a relationship. And the last one, and this is most important. And again, I want to differentiate between pre-sex and after the first time sex. He is consistent. He's consistent. He's consistent when it comes to making time for conversations with you. He's consistent with making plans with you. He's just consistent. You know, I did a video this morning about men stringing you along and one of the consistent things about men who string you along is that these people are inconsistent. When a person is consistent, especially when it comes to making time to talk with you. And I can't begin to stress now the importance. I did a video recently about the incessant communication people have, but at the same time, because these days we're meeting total strangers, we're meeting total strangers most likely in the dating realm, we know nothing about them. It takes more effort to actually bond with one another. And it takes a level of intentionality. This is why I'm beginning to recommend the book, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. What to know about the people you don't know. Folks, it's so important to develop a level of consistent communication to build trust. It takes about 100 hours of face to face time, face to face time to build the first layer of trust in a romantic relationship. So recognize that it takes consistency and it takes a level of consistent effort. And when people are acting wishy washy or inconsistent, that's a terrible sign. And usually you know when the men are inconsistent, you feel it in your gut, you feel in your gut. When you feel anxiety, I'm gonna say something. I've learned this recently because I had an experience which I'll share in a moment. Where I was feeling a level of anxiety with a person, I realized because their communication wasn't consistent that anxiety was merely my intuition speaking to me, saying something was off, it's an alarm and it's an alarm and it's an alarm. And I wanted to give the person the benefit of the doubt. And yet when a person is inconsistent in their communication, that's a sign that they're either going to string you along or they don't want a serious relationship because a man or woman who wants a fully committed serious relationship is going to be consistent in their communication with you. And I think you have to pay attention to that. All right, so just to recap, those five things I just shared to know if someone wants a serious relationship, they've at least had a significant relationship in their life, it's two years plus in their life. That's usually a good sign. Another good sign is they're asking questions about your past relationships and your dating experience. Number three, they share their relationship goals with you. They share their relationship goals with you. Number four, what did I write down? Or number four, they make small commitments with you on a regular basis. In other words, planning dates, planning activities and agreeing to do the things that you like to do as well. And lastly, that consistent communication, that consistency of making conversations a priority and not being trivial. Because those people that treated as trivial are looking at you as their beck and call girl, sorry for saying it that way, but it's not a good sign when someone isn't consistent. All right, that covers our content portion of our live stream today. If you are watching right now live, there's a chat box in the corner there. If you'd like to ask, this is time for our Q and A section. If you'd like to ask a question, write the word question, post the question there after or purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. If you purchase a super sticker, super chat, goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's my son right there. They're right there. He's the one who passed away a few years ago in his honor. I've created a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking help in this area and to donate to the personal development charities that make a big impact in the world like the Hoffman process or Insight seminars. So I highly recommend you checking them out. All right, we're gonna take questions in a second. Really quickly though, I have a personal share to share with everyone. First, I want to reach out to Lillian who sent me a Christmas gift of Godiva chocolates. I want to thank you so much for this gift. There was also a little plaque that said believe. And there was also $20 that went to the Connor Asley scholarship fund from the bottom of my heart. I want to thank you. I also want to thank all of those who commented this morning on my post regarding my father. My father, who's 96 years old fell and he's having surgery this week. And I'm a little bit scared. And I really want to thank all of you that wrote comments in the community chat box. I really appreciate that. Also want to share what happened in my most significant dating experience. I shared in a couple of previous videos how I met someone. I was very enthusiastic and excited about them. We had what I thought was a great first date. And then I got ghosted. I just flat out got ghosted. I reached out, we communicated after the date via messaging, but we couldn't get on the phone call. There was some inconsistency on her part. And then when I reached out, there wasn't a response. I reached out again, there wasn't a response. And then I did a last ditch effort of reaching out during Christmas, just simply to wish the person a very merry Christmas and no response. And I do see that they're on social media. So I don't think they're in a ditch somewhere. I can say that being ghosted can wear on a person's self-esteem. It feels like a betrayal from the perspective of the interest that was shared before we last saw each other, or at least during the last time we saw each other and even the interest afterwards, and then nothing. So let me just say this, ladies, it is very common for men to ghost and as equally as common for women to ghost, okay? And I will say that's war on me emotionally. And then to add to that, I had a troll on my YouTube channel yesterday write a very nasty remark to me. So I almost didn't do this live stream today. I was feeling between my father being ghosted and then this troll and a few other things. It certainly is wear on me emotionally. The reason why I'm sharing all this with you is you folks actually bring me a ton of joy. I can't begin to thank you so much for your kindness, your care, your love every time you post a comment and that content resonates with you. It brings me much joy. So I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I do this, listen, the troll made it sound like all I'm in it for the money. Folks, I recommend so many other people's content because I want to encourage personal development, self-help and spiritual work for you all because that's what I believe is the vaccination to emotional chaos. I highly recommend this book. Actually, I'm gonna recommend a new book to you all. This is from my friend, Russell Feingold. He wrote a book called Heart Wisdom, Heart Wisdom. I highly recommend checking out this book. When he wrote this book some years ago, I fell in love with it. He was nice enough to send me a signed copy. I recently got in a chat with him today or a few days ago. There's Russell's little signed copy. Heart Wisdom, I really, I really highly recommend checking this out. There's a link to all my recommended books below, but this is a great book to learn how to connect with your heart because as I shared with you a moment ago, I've suffered what feels like a lot of blows at this at Christmas time of all times. And at the same time, I know the importance to reach into my heart, have compassion for all and know that everything is happening for us and not to us. So thank you for allowing me to share. This is gonna be a short live stream today, so let's go into the Q and A. All right, oops, Anne writes. Question, when having sex for the first time with someone, I'm unsure if I should hold back and just do the boring movie sex or just let loose and have fun monkey sex. I don't want him chasing just sex. So, okay, Anne, I'm gonna share with you a story. It reminds me of one of my first relationships after my divorce. This was about nine months after my divorce. I met a woman online and we connected on the phone and she happened to live about 40 miles from me and I drove down to where she lived for our first date. And I'll tell you what, I'll be candid with you. Our first date turned into three days in a row of three days of great sex. And by the way, this is a high powered executive, senior vice president of a pharmaceutical company. I mean, I'm not trying to differentiate. I was about to say something degrading, but I'm just gonna say this was a person who I thought was a high character. And I didn't judge the fact that we had sex on the first date and I gotta tell you the sex was great. I wanted more and I wanted more sex, okay? What's more important is not about the sex. What's more important is this person an emotional grownup. Is this person an emotional grownup? The fact of the matter is, is sex has nothing to do with emotional maturity. Emotional maturity has more to do with unresolved childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that go unresolved, which causes them to have weak relationship skills, if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, I can show you roughly about 20% of the population has, by the way, this is not a fact right here. This is my opinion, roughly has 20% clinical issues, clinical issues. Another 20% of the population might be emotionally healthy and the vast majority of dysfunctional. So having great sex the first time, I think is a great thing. I do not hold back. At least that's how I feel, don't hold back. I hopefully the guy doesn't hold back. You have great sex together. Remember though, if you have sex, just like on my coffee mug here, before the penis goes inside the vagina, read that. Buy the book eight dates. Maybe you should read the book eight dates before you have that hot sex. And that might put you in a better position to know if it's worth investing in this person or not. So just as a reminder, the book eight dates before you have that hot sex with him. All right, I think it was Anne. I want to thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. And I hope that helped. Gina says, Jonathan, you rock, thank you so much. Cece says, we love you, Jonathan. Thanks for all that you do. Thanks so much. All right, I really appreciate that. Let's see what else we have. All right. Trish says, I think you're great. It takes a very brave person to share with all the things that are going on in one's life. Carolyn says, red looks good on you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right, let's see. Oh, we've just gotten a super sticker. All right. Jonathan, I'm sorry to hear. I was rooting for you too. She is not your person. You have grown and you're still growing and deserve someone doing the same thing. Thank you for helping me on my journey. Oh, I love you, bro. Thank you so much for that super sticker. I really appreciate it. And thank you so much, folks. Listen. You know, I have to oftentimes ask myself, how can I be a good dating coach if I haven't found someone special in my life? And I recognize that this journey of, this journey we call life. This journey we call life, this journey we call life is not about finding your mate, per se. It's about finding the mate inside of you. It's about finding that person inside of you that you can love like nobody's business. And it's taken me a better part of 50 years to get to a place where I actually am starting to like and even love myself. This has not been an easy journey for myself. And what I oftentimes think I experience many of the same things you experience, especially from a woman's perspective, even though I'm a male, I feel like I experience a lot of the frustrations women experience so I can actually be a better coach. I oftentimes wonder if I attract a lot of dysfunctionality from women, if you will, and myself as well as a way to be a better coach. I'm not saying this is a fact because the reality is as we age it becomes increasingly harder to find a compatible mate where we share the same values where our lifestyles are blendable and more importantly, does this person have emotional maturity? This is why, excuse me, I'm gonna walk away from the computer for a second. Because a book fell. This is why I really recommend everybody, everybody purchase this book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, this book, this book along with, and I highly recommend this book as well, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. What I love about these two books it's allowed me to get really to the heart of who I am as a person. When someone asks you who are you, we oftentimes share the professional status of who we are, we might share that we're parents, we might share that we're children of parents and such like that, but who are you really as a person? That's been the journey for me using the dating dialogue to really get to understand who I am as a person. Now I don't identify with masculine or feminine energy for myself, I identify with being what I'd like to consider an awakened, evolved, conscious human being, and I feel like I'm only touching the surface of being awake, evolved, or conscious. I feel like I'm just barely touching the surface. So when someone asks me who are you, John? Jonathan, I'm a human being experiencing life I'm a spiritual being experiencing having a human experience in a very dysfunctional way. Because folks, I'm gonna say I feel like my dating habits almost feels dysfunctional. Now what I mean to say by that is I genuinely want a life mate so I genuinely make efforts. I genuinely make effort out there. I put myself on all the dating apps I reach out to people on a regular basis when I feel like there is some compatibility between the two of us. I make the effort to plan dates I go through the process of asking questions I had a time pre-qualifying questions. By the way, that's what I do as a coach so check out the link to a discovery call with me. And what's interesting is lately my intuition has been screaming at me. In fact, even that woman that I was all excited about recently my intuition said something was off because I was feeling a level anxiety between our communication and what I mean by anxiety my intuition was screaming at such a level it was creating anxiety within me because I knew something was off. Folks, in consistent coming back to the original conversation here inconsistent behavior is either the excuse of a person not ready for a relationship or it's just a demonstration that they're not on the same page as you. Let me repeat that inconsistent communication oftentimes means they're not ready for a relationship or they may not be on the same page with you. Now look, I get that people are busy. But when you're with a person that's aligned to who you are and what you want then the time you make to connect with each other will feel almost effortless if it feels like you're pulling teeth or they're trying to pull teeth to get you to communicate with them then that's usually a bad sign that there's a mismatch there. And why I share this with you is I've met some really beautiful women I've met some very kind generous loving women and yet still something didn't feel right that we weren't on the same page and what I know for myself I don't want to do is I just don't want to go down another rabbit hole with someone that it doesn't feel like we're in alignment. In fact in one of my most recent mushroom journeys and those who follow me know I do mushrooms on a regular basis the last journey what was screaming at me was the desire for resonance resonance, resonance that feeling of alignment that feeling of clicking that feeling of like we almost can finish each other's sentences now I'm not expecting this on the first, second, or third date for sake but it's just that feeling of alignment that feeling of resonance and what gets, what's the tricky part is chemistry is so deceptive chemistry is so deceptive and I am not immune to that chemistry bug and if you're familiar with my relationship iceberg you know you can see it right here it says chemistry is on the tip of the iceberg but below which above the water line is attraction and below the water line is compatibility shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity emotionally mature person doesn't ghost you emotionally mature person at least if they're not interested they at least give you a good bullshit excuse why they're not interested they do the whole George Costanza it's not George Costanza it's not you it's me so I'm here to say just to come full circle on what I'm sharing here I often times question am I a good coach now thankfully I get emails after emails and phone calls after phone calls from clients who have worked with me Jonathan I met a great guy Jonathan I met a great guy Jonathan I met a great guy and they know the difference so I know I'm making a difference in other people's lives and you know what whether I meet my soulmate day after tomorrow or tomorrow let's not wait a day after tomorrow or two months from now or two years from now you know what we all have our own divine timing and that's why I highly recommend reading all these books and I recommend if you really want to connect with your heart then read the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated because this throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric dating practices and helps you connect with your heart because this isn't a masculine or feminine thing this is a heart thing because ultimately we choose relationships to feel good to feel good in our heart because most of us don't need someone from a financial perspective so let's make better choices going forward and I invite you to do the work ahead of time so you can be prepared for juicy delicious healthy happy relationship alright thank you so much for that alright we're going to take one more question Marissa says divine timing yes exactly Crystal by the way I want you to know I got your email I responded back so thank you Sherry says I believe a person who goes has immaturity emotions and is a player that is one possibility but not always some people goes because they don't feel comfortable saying no to someone alright Osho writes Jonathan the question why do I feel guilty about ending the relationship getting ready to it isn't moving forward the man lied about his civil status and has shown his personality to be called a manipulative I don't think you're feeling guilt because I can't imagine someone will feel guilty ending the relationship with someone who's manipulative and has lied to you what I think you're feeling most likely is maybe an unhealthy attachment to someone and so you're feeling love attachment and not necessarily guilt that's just and if you're not familiar with love attachment check out the book called attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller to study that but I'm not thinking I mean I know you say it's guilt but I'm going to assume it's an unhealthy attachment and you feel uncomfortable ending a relationship with someone you're attached with that's just my general consensus on that hey Jenny I want to thank you for the $19.99 Super Sticker for Connor Asley Scholarship Fund thank you so much alright Mijon says question if the new boyfriend said he wants to set the pace and rhythm of our sex that puts me more in a passive place that it isn't as sensual as I like how can we both be excited about it alright I'm a big believer in healthy communication with one another this is why I'm going to recommend two books for everybody right now two books I want you to check out this book couples communication guide to love and happiness and how to build trust in a relationship so these two books learn, communicate, folks I'm going to tell you something women believe that they're great communicators in relationships and ladies just because you have a capacity to vomit your feelings doesn't make you any better at communicating your feelings so this is a time to learn better communication skills this is why I continually recommend everybody reading the book non-violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg I can't, what you have to do is learn healthy communication by starting by speaking from the heart speak from the heart have deep conversations because I got to tell you what most relationships are missing today is intimacy and I don't mean the penis inside the vagina intimacy I'm talking about emotional intimacy and I highly recommend checking out this book emotional intimacy by Robert Augustus Masters Robert Augustus Masters because I got to tell you most women women have this fantasy that you're so much better at communication than men actually men tend to be good communicators when you speak to them in a logical level versus vomiting your feelings level but that doesn't necessarily mean a man's going to open up so ladies if you want a guide to become a better communicator then lead by example check out these books that I talk about so you can have this delicate conversation with them to talk about your sex life together because here the thing is look at you know that we don't have time to fuck around when you get to your 40s, 50s, 60s the days in front of us are a lot shorter than the days behind us so don't be afraid to speak your truth because you'll only scare off the wrong person and the right person leans into the conversation can I get an amen to that thank you so much for allowing me to share there my Jean I really appreciate it alright okay let's go swimming let's go swimming let's go swimming alright I'm going to save the last okay question the first person the next person that asks me if you have a personal question of Jonathan you want to ask me something personally about me post the question right now the first person and that's going to be our last question of the day so the first person that wants to ask me a personal question we're going to wrap up with that one I do want to say that Teresa says amen Jenny says amen Barry says amen me says amen so again if you have a personal question of me this will be the last one we're going to take for the evening otherwise we're going to wrap up in a few seconds so put it down let's see what you have to say by the way you can tell I'm not bashful about sharing my truth so okay Mary Ann says Jonathan I hope it's not too personal but I want to know about the yellow butterfly my friend lost a son and she associates with yellow butterflies alright folks well this relates to my son Connor who passed away so the story of the yellow butterfly so Connor passed away on July 3rd 2018 and when I came home that later that evening, late evening as I was walking into my complex and we have a beautiful waterfall and palm trees and such I saw a yellow butterfly following me I thought that was kind of interesting and just was more like a happenstance I didn't even really think about it at the time I just noticed it and then when I was leaving my complex the next morning I was walking out of the building this yellow butterfly starts following me and I'm like that's kind of weird and I never noticed yellow butterflies before and then the next day so now this is three days after he passed I'm sitting on my balcony I'm at the top floor at my complex which is about three or four stories up I think it's like five stories above sea level and this yellow butterfly is out on my balcony and I knew that was Connor speaking to me I knew it was him saying dad I'm going to be okay I'm going to be okay and ever since then I can't tell you how often I see yellow butterflies and those who know Connor know that his nickname is Salty in fact on this coffee mug you can see it says Salty right there I hope you can see that it's a salt shaker so his nickname is Salty and to me he now represents a yellow butterfly so to answer your question there Mary Ann that's where the yellow butterfly comes from and that's what is associated with Connor so thank you so much for that question I really appreciate it alright looks like we have another one here so let's see what let's see Sherry asked did you like the movie The Matrix I did my son didn't but I went ahead and watched it a few more times at home and I'm starting to get the message behind it folks I believe The Matrix is a metaphor for how we live in a simulated world we literally these days do live in a simulated world ever since we got plugged into this in fact when I did the Hoffman process they took our telephones away for eight days do you know how much quieter my life began to become when I wasn't tapped into this phone we are plugged into The Matrix this is how this phone follows me wherever I go it tracks me it tracks my voice if I'm I was talking to a friend of mine about core exercises next thing and I got advertising for core exercises for all I know the government is listening to us every minute of every second of every day it's probably watching our sleep patterns and everything else so I do believe we are trapped in a level of Matrix and that's why the movie fascinates me because I want to learn how to be Neo and how can I fly metaphorically speaking like a bird and so that's why I'm fascinated with the movie so thank you so much for asking someone asked what does a perfect first date look like you know what a perfect first date looks like it's not what it looks like it's what it feels like a perfect first date to me feels like synchronicity it feels like resonance feels like alignment it feels like this person can and I know we are talking about a first date but there just feels like this person genuinely wants to get to know me I can't tell you how many first dates I've gone where women just do talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and they're in their head they're not in their heart and they're talking about themselves incessantly a great first date for me is a woman a person who's inquisitive who asks me questions that's for me anyway because I'm vulnerable authentic and transparent so my oxygen is talking about for me, oxygen is the following I want to read this to everybody my oxygen is the following I hate small talk I want to talk about atoms, death, aliens, sex, magic, intellect the meaning of life, far away galaxies music that makes you feel different, your flaws your favorite sense, your childhood what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears, I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind, I don't know I don't want to know what's up to me that to me is a first date someone who has a curiosity of life, of human behavior and has a passion to want to discuss these things because that's my jam, that's my oxygen ah so to me a perfect date is that kind of resonance so alright thank you so much for that question and I really appreciate it alright, you know what let's go Carolyn says amen alright folks, you know what I think this would be a great place to wrap up for today I want to thank you all for allowing me to enter your life on this regular basis you have been such most of all of you except for that troll that wrote the other day have been kind, loving compassionate towards recently my father being ill or falling I should say my son who passed away you're so generous with your kindness I get letters in the mail I can't begin to thank you all so much for your love, care and support I do my best to provide you great good content at least from my perspective and I hope I'm making a difference in your life and I know it's happening because I get email after email after email and even this person that gave me these cadaiva chocolates I'm not dating right now I'm not dating right now but your channel is helping me become a better human being you're helping me connect to who I am you're helping me have a better relationship with my family and my friends and I'm so grateful that I can make a difference in anyone's life so from the bottom of my heart all I want to thank you so much for allowing me to share what brings me so much passion and joy and that's the invitation for everyone to do a deep dive into personal development, self-help and spiritual work because I believe that's a vaccination to emotional chaos when Connor passed away I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway it's that journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work and this is why I shared earlier I highly recommend this is my Bible The Untethered Soul Singer and then along with that I highly recommend Return to Love by Marianne Williamson these aren't books about dating or relationships these are books about having a great life you know what hurt my feelings about this troll that came in says you pander to people how can recommending books be pandering to people how can recommending books to change people's lives be pandering to try to hurt someone it fascinates me and yet I'm not surprised at how much hate there is in the world right now and I so want everyone to remember them you don't know a human being until you spend a moment in their shoes you don't know a human being until you've actually talked to them face to face and got to chance to really get to know another human being this is why it frustrates me to know and whenever I read comments that complain and bash men and I can't stand the men who complain and bash women I don't complain I'm trying to enlighten people I don't complain I'm trying to encourage people to look beyond the surface so my invitation for everyone here is to work on yourself first so you can be prepared for that juicy delicious relationship where you can do a deep dive into intimacy and I don't mean fucking I don't mean oral sex meaning talking and like I shared a moment ago my oxygen is talking and my hope is that you feel the same way alright enough babbling enough of a rant I hope you found value today thank you again so much from the bottom of my heart I want to thank Sherry Teresa, Jenny everybody Carol let's see Ann Teresa I think I said that Goldie Mary Ann I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart I'm going to wrap up as I always do this video first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow or my mug and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks so much