 So much of Christian social media is tied up in this idea of becoming a good Christian and I get it because for a long time I was caught up in that mentality too but today I'm going to share with you why I'm done trying to be a good Christian. I grew up in a Christian household. I heard the gospel on many occasions. I grew up with seven siblings and we were all homeschooled. I think a lot of being in a big family, at least for me it was about I need to get attention from my parents or anybody honestly and so for me that consisted of trying to be the best child. I tried to do all my chores. I tried to do all my schoolwork. I tried to get my parents' attention by doing these kind of crazy like cleaning the whole house on a particular day or whatever else just to get their attention to get their love and I didn't realize it at the time but that was so tied up into my personality. As I approached Christianity growing up in a Christian household hearing the gospel I understood that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. That part made sense to me but what I also had in my mind was this idea that I needed to be good in order to get to heaven. For some reason these two things were able to simultaneously coexist in my mind for a long time even though they were kind of at each other and it wasn't until my brother showed me a Living Waters YouTube video with Ray Comfort that I really understood that I wasn't a good guy. In fact I had broken all of God's law and I was deserving of hell and that was where Jesus came in. That's where Jesus' sacrifice actually made sense so it wasn't about me being good or it wasn't about me trying to be this moral good kid or guy or teenager. It was about me surrendering my life and apologizing and repenting for my sin and trusting in Jesus' sacrifice. A lot of people think that when you become a Christian that kind of solves it and all those kind of lies and that baggage that I was once carrying around that's all disposed of because now I have Jesus. Yes when we encounter Jesus that's when healing begins that's when you know justification happens at the moment of salvation that is like a beautiful thing but that doesn't mean all the baggage and all the lies are completely done away with. It's not as if becoming a Christian is the end of your story but rather it's the beginning and that's something I didn't understand. You see when I became a Christian I felt like okay look I've become I've become a Christian I've lived in a Christian household my whole life I've read the Bible my whole life I kind of know what's going on in a way and now this is just the culmination of my story now I should have it all together and this really perpetuated a really negative and just a distorted way of approaching God. Anytime I would come across a sin struggle in my life or some shortcoming that I would have I just kind of bury it. One of my big struggles throughout my life has been with lost and so let's say you know I've watched I watched a social media video that was you know sexually explicit in some way and you know and I kind of let it linger and then I switched off it and I was thinking okay man that was that was wrong I shouldn't have done that it was against what God wanted me to do in that moment and so I would repent I'd apologize right and that's good that's right that's the good response but then what I would do is I would kind of justify it in my mind I'd say hey but you know Isaac it's not that big deal like you're still a good Christian considering the fact that a lot of guys will watch and girls will just watch pornography and you don't do that so you know you're good according to God you know you're all good I was so desperate to cling on to this idea of being a good Christian that I would minimize and justify my own sin in order to stay in that camp I would apologize for it but I never really deal with it because hey I'm better than the next guy now this reminds me of Luke 18 it's a story of a tax collector and a Pharisee who go to pray and the Pharisee says God I thank you that I'm not like other men extortioners unjust adulterers or even like this tax collector and the tax collector prays seven of the most powerful words I believe in all of scripture it says God be merciful to me a sinner even within my own heart I find myself tending towards the mentality of the Pharisee saying God you know I'm sorry for doing this stuff maybe not to the extent of the Pharisee maybe I'm not gonna you know I'm gonna apologize God yeah I got some sins but but God thank you that I'm not as bad as those guys it was my way of protecting myself of holding on to this goodness that I felt like I possessed it was saying I you know God I'm not gonna lose this good Christian title please please don't take it away from me it wasn't that bad but here's what I'm learning God doesn't want good Christians he wants humble repentance submissive Christians who are honest with him about where they're at because that's where growth actually takes place like think about it in my state of saying you know God I'm you know I'm sorry about this but at least I'm not like that guy I'm justifying my own sin if you continually justify your own behavior you're never actually gonna grow isn't that the irony it's like we're always in this mentality oh I'm trying to be a better Christian trying to be a better guy but when we hold on to that identity of good Christian we're so sensitive and insecure about actually letting go of our sin and and acknowledging it and being honest with saying I'm not as far as maybe I should be or as I want to be or as I pretend to be I'm not far along the sanctification that path that as maybe you think I should be but that's okay because my obligation is not to appear as good or you know smart or wise to you that's not my obligation it is to be honest and authentic with God and repent and say God each day mold me and use me and this is where I'm at and this is what I'm struggling with I think many of us have grown accustomed to surface level relationships in our lives now wait for it I'm gonna tie this in many of us grow accustomed have grown accustomed to surface level relationships in our lives we would rather be liked than loved in some ways like because in order to be loved in order to be truly authentically you know real love you have to know somebody but in a lot of ways we don't really want to know a lot of people we just want to be liked by a lot of people and so what do we do we put off a good image and so we never let people into the like the nooks and crannies of our heart and we never really open up because we're scared that they might not actually like us or love us afterwards I think in a lot of ways we do the same thing with God we want to be liked by God we would be content with just being kind of distance from God and God giving us good thumbs up good keep going you good you know do-gooder but we don't really want to let him in to our life because we're scared once he sees all those nooks and crannies all those sin issues all those sin struggles that maybe God won't like us anymore and there's no chance he's gonna love us and it's because we've built our relation with God partially we have this belief that it's a transactional relationship that if I do good if I keep my image up that if I you know appears this good Christian that God will like me but the truth is it's not a transactional relationship in fact if it were we would already be on the streets because because we don't deserve God we don't deserve what he gives us it's all by grace and we also have this distortion that when we become a Christian that we're half we're supposed to have all our stuff dealt with which isn't true either and so when we believe this and we haven't dealt with our stuff yeah of course we want to be distant from God because we're scared of being exposed but the truth is and the beauty is is that to be exposed in in the care of somebody that truly loves us is the most healing experience that can happen here's the deal only when you're honest with God can relational intimacy take place not before that so if you're on the surface if you're distant if you're content with just appearing as a good Christian and doing the rights and wrongs and and say okay don't do this okay do this you're missing out on the true beauty of a relationship with God because despite our brokenness God welcomes us into his household despite our unfaithfulness God welcomes us back with celebration and a party it's not about being so distant so God can't see you you can't fool God you can't fool God with where you're at so why do you keep pretending why do I keep pretending that's a question I'm asking myself like why do I have this such a deep desire to come across as just this you know I never ask questions about you know scripture in bible study because I know it all you know and I don't really truly you know repent of my sin because you know what it's not as bad as the next guy it's like no just be honest just humble yourself just repent just be authentic because look when you realize that God in his grace sees all of that already and he still accepts you and he still welcomes you back like he sees all of that going on in your mind right now he sees all of your struggle all the things you're trying to hide from him all your you know pride and he sees all that already so why wouldn't you just say God I give it to you I'm done I'm done trying to be a good Christian that's not my motivation anymore I don't want you to get the wrong idea from this video it's not wrong to want to honor God that is good to do good works that is great but my problem and my struggle is that I don't want my works to flow out of my insecurity my insecurity that you know I'm not measuring up to what God wants me to be it's not about doing enough to purchase God's love or to purchase his approval it's about praising him that is what we should be striving towards ask yourself what is my highest end like is it to be a good Christian like is that the highest end just to be this great guy or is it to develop a deep relationship with God something that overflows into the rest of your life well you can't help but you know love people and serve people and obey God like that is the goal it's not just to have this kind of exterior posture of being a good guy and like that who's I just want to become the best it's like I want my relationship with God to be primary and then that will overflow into everything else I truly pray that you are helped by this video that God uses it to work in your life thank you so much for watching my videos guys I truly appreciate it and thank you to everyone on patreon that supports my mission of equipping people to follow Jesus daily if you want to support what I'm doing here and help me 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