 section 10 of the Ingallsby legends first series this leverbox recording is in the public domain the Ingallsby legends first series by Richard Harris Barham section 10 post ego versiculos fecky tulit alter honoris Virgil I wrote the lines owned them he told stories Thomas Ingallsby Mrs. Botherby's story the leech of Folkston reader were you ever bewitched I do not mean by a white wench's black eye or by love potions imbibed from a ruby lip but were you ever really and bona fide bewitched in the true Matthew Hopkins sense of the word did you ever for instance find yourself from head to heel one vast complication of cramps or burst out into pseudorific excitation like a cold thaw with the thermometer at zero were your eyes ever turned upside down exhibiting nothing but their whites did you ever vomit a paper of crooked pins or expectorate white chapel needles these are genuine and undoubted marks of possession and if you never experienced any of them why happy man be his doll yet such things have been yay we are assured in fact on no mean authority still are the world according to the best geographers is divided into Europe Asia Africa America and Romney Marsh in this last named and fifth quarter of the globe a witch may still be occasionally discovered in favorable ie stormy seasons weathering dungeon s point in an egg shell or careering on her broomstick over dim church wall a cow may yet be sometimes seen galloping like mad with tail erect and an old pair of breeches on her horns an unerring guide to the door of the crown whose magic arts have drained her utter i do not however remember to have heard that any conjurer has of late been detected in the district not many miles removed from the verge of this reckonedight region stands a collection of houses which its maligners call a fishing town and its well-wishers a watering place a limb of one of the sink ports it has or lately had a corporation of its own and has been thought considerable enough to give a second title to a noble family Rome stood on seven hills Folkston seems to have been built upon 70 its streets lanes and alleys fanciful distinctions without much real difference are agreeable enough to persons who do not mind running up and downstairs and the only inconvenience at all felt by such of its inhabitants as are not asthmatic is when some heedless urchin tumbles down a chimney or an impertinent pedestrian peeps into a garret window at the eastern extremity of the town on the sea beach and scarcely above high watermark stood in the good old times a row of houses then denominated frog hole modern refinement subsequently euthanized the name into east street but what's in a name the encroachments of ocean have long since leveled all in one common ruin here in the early part of the 17th century flourished in somewhat doubtful reputation but comparative opulence a compounder of medicines one master Erasmus buckthorn the effluvia of whose drugs from within mingling agreeably with the ancient and fish like smells from without wafted a delicious perfume throughout the neighborhood at seven o'clock on the morning when mrs. Botherby's narrative commences a stout suffix punch about 13 hands and a half in height was slowly led up and down before the door of the pharmacopolis by a lean and withered lad whose appearance warranted an opinion pretty generally expressed that his master found him as useful in experimentalizing as in household drudgery and that for every pound avouat du pois of solid meat he swallowed at the least two pounds Troy weight of chemicals and galanicals as the town clock struck the quarter master buckthorn emerged from his laboratory and putting the key carefully into his pocket mounted the sure-footed cob aforesaid and proceeded up and down the eclivities and declivities of the town with the gravity due to his station and profession when he reached the open country his pace was increased to a sedate canter which in somewhat more than half an hour brought the horse and his rider in front of a handsome and substantial mansion the numerous gavel ends and fade windows of which bespoke the owner a man of worship and one well to do in the world how now hodge gardener quote the leech scarcely drawing bit for punch seemed to be aware that he had reached his destination and paused of his own accord how now man how fares thine employer worthy master marsh how have he done how have he slept my potion have done its office ha a lack ill at ease worthy sir ill at ease returned the hind his honor is up and stirring but he have rested none and complaineth that the same gnawing pain devoureth as it were his very vitals in sooth he is ill at ease morrow doctor interrupted a voice from a casement opening on the lawn good morrow i have looked for longed for by coming this hour and more enter at once the pasty and tankard are impatient for thine attack mary heaven forbid that i should bulk their fancy quote the leech soto voce as abandoning the bridle to honest hodge he dismounted and followed a buxom-looking handmaiden into the breakfast parlor there at the head of his well furnished board set master thomas marsh of marston hall a yeoman well respected in his degree one of that sturdy and sterling class which taking rank immediately below the esquire a title in its origin purely military occupied in the wealthier counties the position in society now filled by the country gentleman he was one of those of whom the proverb ran a night of kales a gentleman of wales and a layered of the north country a yeoman of kent with his yearly rent will buy them out all three a cold sirloin big enough to frighten a frenchman filled the place of honor counterchecked by a game pie of no stinted dimensions while a silver flagon of humming bub vis ale strong enough to blow a man's beaver off smiled opposite in treacherous amenity the sideboard groaned beneath sundry massive cups and waiters of the purest silver while the huge skull of a fallow deer with its branching horns frowned majestically above all spoke of affluence of comfort all save the master whose restless eye and feverish look hinted but too plainly the severest mental or bodily disorder by the side of the proprietor of the mansion sat his consort a lady now past the bloom of youth yet still retaining many of its charms the clear olive of her complexion and the darkness of her andelusian eye at once betrayed her foreign origin in fact her lord and master as husbands were even then by illegal fiction denominated had taken her to his bosom in a foreign country the cadet of his family master thomas marsh had early in life been engaged in commerce in the pursuit of his vocation he had visited antwerp hamborg and most of the hans towns and had already formed a tender connection with the orphan offspring of one of old alva's officers when the unexpected deaths of one immediate and two presumptive heirs placed him next in succession to the family acres he married and brought home his bride who by the decease of the venerable possessor heartbroken at the loss of his elder children became eventually lady of marston hall it has been said that she was beautiful yet was her beauty of a character that operates on the fancy more than the affections she was one to be admired rather than loved the proud curl of her lip the firmness of her tread her arched brow and stately carriage showed the decision not to say haughtiness of her soul while her glances whether lightening with anger or melting in extreme softness betrayed the existence of passions as intense in kind as opposite in quality she rose as a rasmus entered the parlor and bestowing on him a look fraught with meaning quitted the room leaving him in unrestrained communication with his patient for george master buckthorn exclaimed the latter as the leech drew near i will know more of your pharmacy burn burn gnaw gnaw i had his leaf the foul fiend were in my gizzard as one of your drugs tell me in the devil's name what is the matter with me thus conjured the practitioner paused and even turned somewhat pale there was a perceptible faltering in his voice as evading the question he asked what say your other physicians dr. fizz says it is wind dr. fuzz says it is water and dr. buzz says it is something between wind and water they are all of them wrong said a rasmus buckthorn truly i think so returned the patient they are manifest asses but you good leech you are a horse of another color the world talks loudly of your learning your skill and cunning in arts the most of streus nay soothe to say some look coldly on you therefore and stickle not to ever that you are cater cousin with bielzebub himself it is ever the fate of science murmured the professor to be maligned by the ignorant and superstitious but a truce with such folly let me examine your palate master marsh thrust out a tongue long clear and red as beetroot there is nothing wrong there said the leech your wrist no the pulse is firm and regular the skin cool and temperate sir there is nothing the matter with you nothing the matter with me sir potter carry but i tell you there is the matter with me much the matter with me why is it that something seems ever gnawing at my heart strings whence this pain in the region of the liver why is it that i sleep not at night's rest not a day's why you are fidgety master marsh said the doctor master marsh brow grew dark he half rose from his seat supported himself by both hands on the arms of his elbow chair and in accents of mingled anger and astonishment repeated the word fidgety i fidgety return the doctor calmly tutman there is not ails thee save thine own overweening fancies take less of food more air put aside thy flag and call for thy horse be boot and saddle the word why hast thou not youth i have said the patient wealth and a fair domain granted quote marsh cheerily and a fair wife yay was the response but in a tone something less satisfied than arouse the man shake off this fantasy but take thyself to thy lawful occasions use thy good hap follow thy pleasures and think no more of these fancied ailments but i tell you master mine these ailments are not fancied i lose my rest i loathe my food my doublet sits loosely on me these racking pains my wife too when i meet her gaze the cold sweat stands on my forehead and i could almost think marsh paused abruptly mused a while and added looking steadily at his visitor these things are not right they passed the common master erasmus buckthorn a slight shade crossed the brow of the leech but its passage was momentary his features softened to a smile in which pity seemed slightly blended with contempt have done with such follies master marsh you are well and you would but think so ride i say hunt shoot do anything disperse these melancholic humours and become yourself again well i will do your bidding said marsh thoughtfully it may be so and yet but i will do your bidding master cob brentzett writes me that he hath a score or two of fat used to be sold a penny worth i had thought to have sent ralph looker but i will say to go myself oh there saddle me the brown mare and bid ralph be ready to attend me on the gelding an expression of pain contracted the features of master marsh as he rose and slowly quitted the apartment to prepare for his journey while the leech having bidden him farewell vanished through an opposite door and betook himself to the private boudoir of the fair mistress of marston muttering as he went a quotation from a then newly published play not poppy nor mandragora nor all the drowsy syrups of the world shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep which thou owns yesterday of what passed at this interview between the folkston doctor and the fair spaniard mrs. botherby declares she could never obtain any satisfactory elucidation not that tradition is silent on the subject quite the contrary it is the abundance not paucity of the materials she supplies and the consequent embarrassment of selection that makes the difficulty some have averred that the leech whose character as has been before hinted was more than threadbare employed his time in teaching her the mode of administering certain noxious compounds the unconscious partaker whereof would pine and die so slowly and gradually as to defy suspicion others there were who affirmed that lucifer himself was then and there raised in propria persona with all his terrible attributes of horn hoof in support of this assertion they adduced the testimony of the aforesaid buxom housemaid who protested that the hall smelt that evening like a manufactory of matches all however seemed to agree that the confabulation whether human or infernal was conducted with profound secrecy and protracted to a considerable length that its object as far as could be divined meant anything but good to the head of the family that the lady moreover was heartily tired of her husband and that in the event of his removal by disease or casualty master erasmus buckthorn albeit a great philosophist would have no violent objection to throw physics to the dogs and exchange his laboratory for the estate of marston its livestock included some to have inferred that to him did madame isabel seriously incline while others have thought induced perhaps by subsequent events that she was merely using him for her purposes that one jose a tall bright-eyed hook-nosed stripling from her native land was a personage not unlikely to put a spoke in the doctor's wheel and that should such a chance arise the sage wise as he was would after all run no slight risk of being bamboozled master jose was a youth well favored and comely to look upon his office was that of page to the dame an office which after long remaining in abeyance has been of late years revived as may well be seen in the persons of sundry smart hobbly hoise now constantly to be met with on staircases and in boudoirs clad for the most part in garments fitted tightly to the shape the lower moiety adorned with a broad stripe of crimson or silver lace and the upper with what first wit of our times has described as a favorable eruption of buttons the precise duties of this employment have never as far as we have heard been accurately defined the perfuming a handkerchief the combing a lap dog and the occasional presentation of a sip it shaped billet do are and always have been among them but these a young gentleman standing five foot ten and aged nineteen last grass might well be supposed to have outgrown hoise however kept his place perhaps because he was not fit for any other to the conference between his mistress and the position he had not been admitted his post was to keep watch and ward in the anti-room and when the interview was concluded he attended the lady and her visitor as far as the courtyard where he held with all due respect the stirrup for the latter as he wants more resumed his position on the back of punch who is it that says little pictures have large ears some deep metaphysition of the potteries who might have added that they also have quick eyes and sometimes silent tongues there was a little metaphorical piece of crockery of this class who screened by a huge elbow chair had sat a quiet and unobserved spectator to the whole proceedings between her mama and master a rasmus buckthorn this was mismarian marsh a rosy cheeked laughter loving imp of some six years old but one who could be mute as a mouse when the fit was on her a handsome and highly polished cabinet of the darkest ebony occupied a recess at one end of the apartment this had long been a great subject of speculation to little miss her curiosity however had always been repelled nor had all her coaxing ever won her an inspection of the thousand and one pretty things which its recesses no doubt contained on this occasion it was unlocked and Marion was about to rush forward in eager anticipation of a peep at its interior when child as she was the reflection struck her that she would stand a better chance of carrying her point by remaining hairdo fortune for once favored her she crouched closer than before and saw her mother take something from one of the drawers which she handed over to the leech strange mutterings followed and words whose sound was foreign to her youthful ears had she been older their import perhaps might have been equally unknown after a while there was a pause and then the lady as in answer to a requisition from the gentleman placed in his hand a something which she took from her toilet the transaction whatever its nature seemed now to be complete and the article was carefully replaced in the drawer from which it had been taken along an apparently interesting conversation then took place between the parties carried on in a low tone at its termination mistress Marsh and master Erasmus Buckthorn quitted the Boudoir together but the cabinet I that was left unfastened the folding doors still remained invitingly expanded the bunch of keys dangling from the lock in an instant the spoiled child was in the chair the drawer so recently closed yielded at once to her hand and her hurried researches were rewarded by the prettiest little wax and doll imaginable it was a first rate prize and miss lost no time in appropriating it to herself long before Madame Marsh had returned to her sanctum Marion was seated under a Laura Steinus in the garden nursing her new baby with the most affectionate solicitude Susan look here see what a nasty scratch I've got upon my hand said the young lady when routed out at length from her hiding place to her noontide meal yes miss this is always the way with you mend mend mend nothing but mend scrambling about among the bushes and tearing your clothes to rags what with you and with madams farthing gales and kirtles a poor bower maiden has a fine time of it but I have not torn my clothes Susan and it was not the bushes it was the doll only see what a great ugly pin I have pulled out of it and look here is another as she spoke Marion drew forth one of those extended pieces of black pointed wire with which in the days of two pays and pom-pons our foremothers were want to secure their fly caps and headgear from the impertinent assaults of Zephyrus and the little breezes and Premis where did you get this pretty doll as you call it asked Susan turning over the puppet and viewing it with a scrutinizing eye mama gave it me said the child this was a fib indeed quote the girl thoughtfully and then in half soliloquy and a lower key well I wish I may die if it doesn't look like master but come to your dinner miss hark the bell is striking one meanwhile master Thomas Marsh and his man Ralph were threatening the devious paths then as now most pseudonymously dignified by the name of Rhodes that wound between Marston Hall and the frontier of Romney Marsh their progress was comparatively slow for though the brown mare was as good a roadster as man might back and the gilding no mean nag of his hands yet the tracks rarely traversed saved by the rude wanes of the day my re in the bottoms and covered with loose and rolling stones on the higher grounds rendered barely passable the perpetual alternation of hill and valley the master rode on in pain and the man in listlessness although the intercourse between two individuals so situated was much less restrained in those days than might suit the refinement of the later age little past approximating to conversation beyond an occasional and half stifled groan from the one or a vacant whistle from the other an hour's riding had brought them among the woods of actress and they were about to descend one of those green and leafy lanes rendered by matted and overarching branches alike impervious to shower or sunbeam when a sudden and violent spasm seized on master marsh and nearly caused him to fall from his horse with some difficulty he succeeded in dismounting and seating himself by the roadside here he remained for a full half hour in great apparent agony the cold sweat rolled in large round drops a down his clammy forehead a universal shivering palsy every limb his eyeballs appeared to be starting from their sockets and to his attached though dull and heavy serving man he seemed as one struggling in the pangs of impending dissolution his groans rose thick and frequent and the alarmed Ralph was hesitating between his disinclination to leave him and his desire to procure such assistance as one of the few cottages rarely sprinkled in that wild country might afford when after a long drawn sigh his master's features as suddenly relaxed he declared himself better the pang had passed away and to use his own expression he felt as if a knife had been drawn from out his very heart with Ralph's assistance after a while he again reached his saddle and those still ill at ease from a deep seated annoying pain which ceased not as he avert to torment him the violence of the paroxysm was spent and it returned no more master and man pursued their way with increased speed as a merging from the wooded defiles they at length near the coast then leaving the romantic castle of saltwood with its neighboring town of Hyfe a little on their left they proceeded along the ancient paved causeway and crossing the old Roman road or Wattling plunged again into the woods that stretched between Limpney and Austin hangar the sun rode high in the heavens and its meridian blaze was powerfully felt by man and horse when again quitting their leafy covered the travelers debouched on the open plain of Aldington Frith a wide tract of unenclosed country stretching down to the very borders of the marsh itself here it was in the neighboring chapelry the sight of which may yet be traced by the curious antiquary that Elizabeth Barton the holy maid of Kent had something less than a hundred years previous to the period of our narrative commenced that series of supernatural pranks which eventually procured for her head an unenviied elevation upon London Bridge and though the parish had since enjoyed the benefit of the incumbency of master Erasmus illustrious and enlightened namesake still truth to tell some of the old leaven was even yet supposed to be at work the place had in fact an ill name and though popish miracles had ceased to electrify its denizens spells and charms operating by a no less wondrous agency were said to have taken their place warlocks and other unholy subjects of Satan were reported to make its wild recesses their favorite rendezvous and that to an extent which eventually attracted the notice of no less a personage than the sagacious Matthew Hopkins himself which finder general to the British government a great portion of the Frith or Fright as the name was then and is still pronounced had formerly been a chase with rights of free warren etc. appertaining to the archbishops of the province since the Reformation however it had been disparked and when master Thomas Marsh and his man Ralph entered upon its confines the open greensward exhibited a lively scene sufficiently explanatory of certain sounds that had already reached their ears while yet within the Sylvan screen which concealed their origin it was fair day booths stalls and all the rude paraphernalia of an assembly that then met as much for the purposes of traffic as festivity were scattered irregularly over the turf peddlers with their packs horse groupers pig merchants itinerant vendors of crockery and cutlery wandered promiscuously among the mingled groups exposing their several wares and commodities and soliciting custom on one side was the gaudy ribbon making its mute appeal to rustic gallantry on the other the delicious brandy ball and alluring lollipop compounded after the most approved receipt in the true gentlewoman's garland and raising the waters in the mouth of many an expectant urchin nor were rural sports wanting to those whom pleasure rather than business had drawn from their humble homes here was the tall and slippery pole glittering in its grease and crowned with the ample cheese that mocked the hopes of the discomforted climber there the fugitive pippin swimming in water not of the purest and bobbing from the expanded lips of the juvenile tantalus in this quarter the ear was pierced by squeaks from some beleaguered porker whisking his well-soaked tail from the grasp of one already in fancy his captor in that the eye rested with undisguised delight upon the grimaces of grinning candidates for the honors of the horse-caller all was fun frolic courtship junketing and jollity made Marion indeed with her lesions Robin Hood Scarlett and little John was wanting fryer tuck was absent even the hobby horse had disappeared but the agile Morris dancers yet were there and jingled their bells merrily among stalls well stored with gingerbread tops whips whistles and all those noisy instruments of domestic torture in which scenes like these are even now so fertile had I a foe whom I held at deadliest feud I would entice his favourite child to affair and buy him a whistle and a penny trumpet in one corner of the green a little apart from the thickest of the throng stood a small square stage nearly level with the chins of the spectators whose repeated bursts of laughter seemed to intimate the presence of something more than usually amusing the platform was divided into two unequal portions the smaller of which surrounded by curtains of a coarse canvas veiled from the eyes of the profane the penetralia of this movable temple of escalapius for such it was within its interior and secure from vulgar curiosity the quack selver had hitherto kept himself ensconced occupied no doubt in the preparation and arrangement of that wonderful panacea which was hereafter to shed the blessings of health among the admiring crowd meanwhile his attendant jack pudding was busily employed on the proscenium doing his best to attract attention by a practical facetiousness which took wonderfully with the spectators interspersing it with the melodious notes a huge cowshorn the fellows costume varied but little in character from that in which the late alas that we should have to write the word late Mr. Joseph Grimaldi was accustomed to present himself before a generous and enlightened public the principal difference consisted in this that the upper garment was a long white tunic of a coarse linen surmounted by a caricature of the rough then fast falling into disuse and was secured from the throat downwards by a single row of broad white metal buttons and his legs were cased in loose wide trousers of the same material while his sleeves prolonged to a most disproportionate extent descended far below the fingers and acted as flappers in the summer sets and caracals with which he diversified and enlightened his antics consimid impudence not altogether unmixed with a certain sly humor sparkled in his eye through the chalk and ochre with which his features were plentifully bedopped and especially displayed itself in a succession of jokes the coarseness of which did not seem to detract from their merit in the eyes of his applauding audience end of section 10 section 11 of the Ingallsby legends first series the sleeper box recording is in the public domain the Ingallsby legends first series by Richard Paris Barum section 11 he was in the midst of a long and animated harangue explanatory of his master's high pretensions he had informed his gaping auditors that the latter was the seventh son of a seventh son and of course as they very well knew an unborn doctor that to this happy accident of birth he added the advantage of most extensive travel that in his search after science he had not only perambulated the whole of this world but had trespassed on the boundaries of the next that the depths of the ocean and the bowels of the earth were alike familiar to him that besides salves and catapalsms of sovereign virtue by combining sundry mosses gathered many thousand fathoms below the surface of the sea with certain unknown drugs found in an undiscovered island and boiling the hole in the lava of a suvious he had succeeded in producing his celebrated balsam of crack a panico the never failing remedy for all human disorders and which a proper trial allowed would go near to reanimate the dead draw near continued the worthy draw near my masters and you my good mistresses draw near every one of you fear not high and haughty carriage though greater than king or kaiser yet is the mighty aldra vando milder than mother's milk flint to the proud to the humble he is as melting wax he asks not your disorders he sees them himself at a glance nay without a glance he tells your ailments with his eyes shut draw near draw near the more incurable the better list to the illustrious dr. aldra vando first position to prestor john leech to the grand llama and hakeem in ordinary to mustafa mule bay have your master ever a charm for the toothache and please you asked an elderly countryman whose swollen cheek bespoke his interest in the question a charm a thousand and every one of them infallible toothache kova I had hoped you had come with every bone in your body fractured or out of joint a toothache propounded tester master of mine we ask not more for such trifles do my bidding and by jaws even with the word shall cease to trouble be the clown fumbling a while in a deep leather purse at length produced a six pence which he tendered to the gesture now to thy master and bring me the charm forthwith nay honest man to disturb the mighty aldra vando on such slight occasion were pity of my life a read my counsel aright and I will warrant thee for the nonce hide the home friend infuse this powder in cold spring water fill thy mouth with the mixture and sit upon thy fire till it boils out on the for a pestilent nave cried the cousin countrymen but the roar of merriment around bespoke the bystanders well pleased the japa put upon him he retired venting his spleen and audible murmurs and the mount a bank finding the feelings of the mob enlisted on his side waxed more impudent every instant filling up the intervals between his fulleries with sundry capers and contortions and discordant notes from the cows horn draw near draw near my masters here have ye a remedy for every evil under the sun moral physical natural and supernatural have any man a termigant wife here is that will tame her presently have any one a smoky chimney here is an incontinent cure to the first inflection no man ventured to plead guilty though there were those standing by who thought their neighbors might have profited with all for the last named recipe started forth at least a dozen candidates with the greatest gravity imaginable Piro having pocketed their grotes delivered to each a small packet curiously folded closely sealed containing as he avert directions which if truly observed would preclude any chimney from smoking for a whole year they whose curiosity led them to dive into the mystery found that a sprig of mountain ash culled by moonlight was the charm recommended coupled however with the proviso that no fire should be lighted on the heart during its exercise the frequent bursts of merriment proceeding from this quarter at length attracted the attention of master marsh whose line of road necessarily brought him near this end of the fair he drew bit in front of the stage just as its noisy occupant having laid aside his formidable horn was drawing still more largely on the amazement of the public by a feat of a special wonder he was eating fire curiosity mingled with astonishment was at its height and feelings not unaligned to alarm were beginning to manifest themselves among the softer sexes specially as they gazed on the flames that issued from the mouth of the living volcano all eyes indeed were fixed upon the fire eater with an intentness that left no room for observing another worthy who had now emerged upon the scene this was however no less a personage than the deus ex machina the illustrious Aldravando himself short in stature and spare in form the sage had somewhat increased the former by a steeple crowned hat adorned with a cox feather while the thick shoulder padding of a quilted doublet surmounted by a falling band added a little to his personal importance in point of breadth his habit was composed throughout a black surge relieved with scarlet slashes in the sleeves and trunks red was the feather in his hat red were the roses in his shoes which rejoiced moreover in a pair of red heels the lining of a short cloak of faded velvet that hung transversely over his left shoulder was also read indeed from all that we could ever see or hear this agreeable alternation of red and black appears to be the mixture of colors most approved at the court of bales above and the one most generally adopted by his friends and favorites his features were sharp and shrewd and a fire sparkled in his keen gray eye much at variance with the wrinkles that ran their irregular furrows above his prominent and bushy brows he had advanced slowly from behind his screen while the attention of the multitude was absorbed by the pyrotechnics of Mr. Marryman and stationing himself at the extreme corner of the stage stood quietly leaning on a crutch handle walking staff of blackest ebony his glance steadily fixed on the face of Marsh from whose countenance the amusement he had insensibly begun to derive had not succeeded in removing all traces of bodily pain for a while the latter was unobservant of the inquisitorial survey with which he was regarded the eyes of the parties however at length met the brown mare had a fine shoulder she stood pretty nearly sixteen hands Marsh himself though slightly bowed by ill health and the coming autumn of life was full six feet in height his elevation giving him an unobstructed view over the heads of the pedestrians he had naturally fallen into the rear of the assembly which brought him close to the diminutive doctor with whose face despite the red heels his own was about upon a level and what makes master Marsh here what sees he in the mummies of a miserable buffoon to divert him when his life is in jeopardy said a shrill cracked voice that sounded as in his very ear it was the doctor who spoke knowest thou me friend said Marsh scanning with awakened interest the figure of his questioner I call thee not to mind and yet stay where have we met its skills not to declare was the answer suffice it we have met in other climbs perchance and now meet happily again happily at least for thee why truly the trick of thy countenance reminds me of somewhat I have seen before where or when I know not but what woods thou with me nay rather what woods thou here Thomas Marsh what woods thou on the frith of Aldington is it a score or two of paltry sheep or is it something nearer to thy heart Marsh started as the last words were pronounced with more than common significance a pang shot through him at the moment and the vinegar aspect of the charlatan seemed to relax into a smile half compassionate half sardonic Gramercy quoth Marsh after a long drawn breath what knowest thou of me fellow or of my concerns what knowest thou this know I master Thomas Marsh said the stranger gravely that thy life is even now peril evil practices are against thee but no matter thou art quit for the knots other hands than mine have saved thee thy pains are over hark the clock strikes one as he spoke a single toll from the bell tower of Bilcington came wafted by the western breeze over the thick set and lofty oaks which intervened between the frith and what had once been a priory doctor I'll drive on though turned as the sound came floating on the wind and was moving as if half in anger towards the other side of the stage where the mount a bank his fires extinct was now disgorging to the admiring crowd yard after yard of gaudy colored ribbon stay nay pretty stay cried Marsh eagerly I was wrong in faith I was a change and that a sudden and most marvelous have indeed come over me I am free I breathe again I feel as though a load of years had been removed and is it possible has thou done this Thomas Marsh said the doctor pausing and turning for the moment on his heel I have not I repeat that other and more innocent hands than mine have done this deed nevertheless heed my count so well thou art parlously encompassed I and I only have the means of relieving me follow thy courses pursue thy journey but as thou valuous life and more than life be at the foot of yonder woody knoll what time the rising moon throws her first beam upon the bare and blighted summit that towers above its trees he crossed abruptly to the opposite quarter of the scaffolding and was in an instant deeply engaged in listening to those whom the cows horn had attracted and in prescribing for their real or fancied ailments vain were all Marsh's efforts again to attract his notice it was evident that he studiously avoided him and when after an hour or more spent in useless endeavor he saw the object of his anxiety seclude himself once more within his canvas screen he rode slowly and thoughtfully off the field what should he do was the man a mere quack an impostor his name thus obtained that might be easily done but then his secret griefs the doctor's knowledge of them their cure for he felt that his pains were gone his healthful feelings restored true Aldravando if that were his name had disclaimed all cooperation in his recovery but he knew or he at least announced it nay more he had hinted that he was yet in jeopardy that practices and the cord sounded strangely in unison with one that had before vibrated within him that practices were in operation against his life it was enough he would keep trist with the conjurer if conjurer he were and at least ascertain who and what he was and how he had become acquainted with his own person and secret afflictions when the late Mr. Pit was determined to keep out bone apart and prevent his gaining a settlement in the county of Kent among other ingenious devices adopted for that purpose he caused to be constructed what was then and has ever since been conventionally termed a military canal this is a not very practicable ditch some 30 feet wide and nearly nine feet deep in the middle extending from the town and port of Hife to within a mile of the town and port of Rye a distance of about 20 miles informing as it were the cord of a bow the arc of which constitutes that remote fifth quarter of the globe spoken of by travelers trivial objections to the plan were made at the time by Cavaliers and an old gentleman of the neighborhood who proposed as a cheap substitute to put down his own cocked hat upon a pole was deservedly poo pooed down in fact the job though rather an expensive one was found to answer remarkably well the French managed indeed to scramble over the Rhine and the Roan and other insignificant currents but they never did or could pass Mr. Pit's military canal at no great distance from the center of this cord rises abruptly a sort of woody promontory in shape almost conical its sides covered with thick underwood above which is seen a bear and brown summit rising like an out in miniature the defense of the nation not being then in existence master Marsh met with no obstruction in reaching this place of appointment long before the time prescribed so much indeed was his mind occupied by his adventure and extraordinary cure that his original design had been abandoned and master Cobb remained unvisited a rude hostile in the neighborhood furnished entertainment for man and horse and here a full hour before the rising of the moon he left Ralph and the other beasts proceeding to his rendezvous on foot and alone your punctual master Marsh squeaked the shrill voice of the doctor issuing from the thicket as the first silvery gleam trembled on the aspens above it is well now follow me and in silence the first part of the command Marsh hesitated not to obey the second was more difficult of observance who and what are you wither are you leading me burst not unnaturally from his lips but all question was at once cut short by the peremptory tones of his guide hush I say your finger on your lips there be hawks abroad follow me and that silently and quickly the little man turned as he spoke and led the way through a scarcely perceptible path or track which wound among the underwood the lapse of a few minutes brought them to the door of a low building so hidden by the surrounding trees that few would have suspected its existence it was a cottage of rather extraordinary dimensions but consisting of only one floor no smoke rose from its solitary chimney no cheering ray streamed from its single window which was however secured by a shutter of such thickness as to preclude the possibility of any stray beam issuing from within the exact size of the building it was in that uncertain light difficult to distinguish a portion of it seeming buried in the wood behind the door gave way on the application of a key and Marsh followed his conductor resolutely but cautiously along a narrow passage feebly lighted by a small taper that Winkton twinkled at its farther extremity the doctor as he approached raised it from the ground and opening and adjoining door ushered his guest into the room beyond it was a large and oddly furnished apartment insufficiently lighted by an iron lamp that hung from the roof and scarcely illumined the walls and angles which seemed to be composed of some dark colored wood on one side however master Marsh could discover an article bearing strong resemblance to a coffin on the other was a large o-hole mirror in an ebony frame and in the midst of the floor was described in red chalk a double circle about six feet in diameter its inner verge inscribed with sundry hieroglyphics agreeably relieved at intervals with an alternation of skulls and crossbones in the very center was deposited one skull of such surpassing size and thickness as would have filled the soul of spurts I'm or Deville with wonderment a large book a naked sword an hourglass a chafing dish and a black cat completed the list of movables with the exception of a couple of tapers which stood on each side of the mirror and which the strange gentleman now proceeded to light from the one in his hand as they flared up with what Marsh thought a most unnatural brilliancy he perceived reflected in the glass behind a dial suspended over the coffin like article already mentioned the hand was fast urging towards the hour of nine the eyes of the little doctor seemed riveted on the horologe now stripped the master Marsh and that quickly untrust I say discard by boots doff doublet and hose and place thyself incontinent in yonder bath the visitor cast his eyes again upon the formidable looking article and perceived that it was nearly filled with water a cold bath at such an hour and under such auspices was anything but inviting he hesitated and turned his eyes alternately on the doctor and the black cat trifle not the time man and you be wise said the former passion of my heart let but yon minute hand reach the hour and thou not immersed by life or not worth a pin's fee the black cat gave vent to a single mu a most unnatural sound or a mouser it seemed as it were mewed through a cow's horn quick master Marsh uncase or you perish repeated his strange host throwing as he spoke a handful of some dingy looking powders into the brazier behold the attack is begun a thick cloud rose from the embers a cold shivering shook the astonished yeoman sharp pricking pains penetrated his ankles and the palms of his hands and as the smoke cleared away he distinctly saw and recognized in the mirror the boudoir of Marston Hall the doors of the well-known ebony cabinet were closed but fixed against them and standing out in strong relief from the contrast afforded by the sable background was a wax an image of himself it appeared to be secured and sustained in an upright posture by large black pins driven through the feet and palms the latter of which were extended in a cruciform position to the right and left stood his wife and Jose in the middle with his back towards him was a figure which he had no difficulty in recognizing as that of the leech of Folkston the latter had just succeeded in fastening the dexter hand of the image and was now in the act of drawing a broad and keen edged saber from its sheath the black cat mewed again haste or you die said the doctor marsh looked at the dial it wanted but four minutes of nine he felt that the crisis of his fate was come off when his heavy boots doublet to the right gala Gaskins to the left never was man more swiftly disrobed in two minutes to use an Indian expression he was all face in another he was on his back and up to his chin in a bath which smelt strongly as a brimstone and garlic he'd well the clock cried the conjurer with the first stroke of nine plunge thy head beneath the water suffer not a hair above the surface plunge deeply or thou art lost the little man had seated himself in the center of the circle upon the large skull elevating his legs at an angle of forty five degrees in this position he spun round with a velocity to be equaled only by that of a T totem the red roses on his insteps seeming to describe a circle of fire the best buckskins that ever mounted at Melton had soon yielded to such rotatory friction but he spun on the cat mewed bats and obscene birds fluttered overhead Erasmus was seen to raise his weapon the clock struck and Marsh who had ducked at the instant popped up his head again spitting his buttering half choked with the infernal solution which had insinuated itself into his mouth and ears and nose all discussed at his nauseous dip was however at once removed when casting his eyes on the glass he saw the consternation of the party whose persons it exhibited Erasmus had evidently made his blow and failed the figure was unmutilated the hilt remained in the hand of the striker while the shivered blade lay in shining fragments on the floor the conjurer ceased his spinning and brought himself to an anchor the black cat purred its purring seems strangely mixed with the self-satisfied chuckle of a human being where had Marsh heard something like it before he was rising from his unsavory couch when emotion from the little man checked him rest where you are Thomas Marsh so far all goes well but the danger is not yet over he looked again and perceived that the shadowy triumvirate were in deep and eager consultation the fragments of the shattered weapon appeared to undergo a close scrutiny the result was clearly unsatisfactory the lifts of the parties moved rapidly and much gesticulation might be observed but no sound fell upon the ear the hand of the dial had nearly reached the quarter at once the parties separated and Buckthorn stood again before the figure his hand armed with a long and sharp pointed misery Cordy a dagger little in use of late but such as a century before often performed the part of a modern oyster knife in tickling the osteology of a dismounted Cavalier through the Shelly defenses of his plate armor again he raised his arm duck roared the doctor spinning away upon his cephalic pivot the black cat cocked his tail and seemed to mew the word duck down went master Marsh's head one of his hands had unluckily been resting on the edge of the bath he drew it hastily in but not altogether scatheless the stump of a rusty nail projecting from the margin of the bath had caught and slightly grazed it the pain was more acute than is usually produced by such trivial accidents and Marsh on once more raising his head beheld the dagger of the leech sticking in the little finger of the wax figure which it had seemingly nailed to the cabinet door by my truly escape of the narrowest quote the conjurer the next course dive you not the readier there is no more life in you than in a pickled herring what courage master Marsh be but heedful and they miss again let them by the issue he drew his hand a thwart his brow as he spoke and dashed off the perspiration which the violence of his exercise had drawn from every poor black Tom sprang upon the edge of the bath and stared full in the face of the bath or his sea green eyes were lambent with unholy fire but their marvelous obliquity of vision was not to be mistaken the very countenance to could it be the features were feline but their expression was that of the jack pudding was the mount a bank a cat or the cat a mount a bank it was all a mystery and heaven knows how long Marsh might have continued staring at from Alcon had not his attention been again called by Aldravando to the magic mirror great dissatisfaction not to say dismay seemed now to pervade the conspirators Dame Isabelle was closely inspecting the figures wounded hand while Jose was aiding the pharmacopolis to charge a huge patronel with powder and bullets the load was a heavy one but Erasmus seemed determined this time to make sure of his object somewhat of trepidation might be observed in his manner as he rammed down the balls and his withered cheek appeared to have acquired an increase of paleness but amazement rather than fear was the prevailing symptom and his countenance betrayed no jot of irresolution as the clock was about to chime half past nine he planted himself with a firm foot in front of the image waved his unoccupied hand with a cautionary gesture to his companions and as they hastily retired on either side brought the muzzle of his weapon within half a foot of his mark as the shadow we form was about to draw the trigger Marsh again plunged his head beneath the surface and the sound of an explosion as of firearms mingled with the rush of water that poured into his ears his immersion was but momentary yet did he feel as though half suffocated he sprang from the bath and as his eye fell on the mirror he saw or thought he saw the leech of Folkston lying dead on the floor of his wife's boudoir his head shattered to pieces and his hand still grasping the stock of a burst in Petronelle he saw no more his head swam his senses reeled the whole room was turning round and as he fell to the ground the last impressions to which he was conscious were the chucklings of a horse laughter and the mewings of a Tomcat master Marsh was found the next morning by his bewildered serving man stretched before the door of the humble hostel at which he sojourned his clothes were somewhat torn and much bemyered and deeply did honest Ralph Marvel that one so stayed in grave as master Marsh of Marston should thus have played the roisterer missing perchance a profitable bargain for the drunken orgies of bit night wasle or the endearments of some rustic light alove tenfold was his astonishment increased when after retracing in silence their journey of the preceding day the hall on their arrival about noon was found in a state of uttermost confusion no wife stood there to greet with the smile of bland affection her returning spouse no page to hold his stirrup or receive his gloves his hat and riding rod the doors were open the rooms in most admired disorder men and maidens peeping hurrying hither and thither and popping in and out like rabbits in a warren the lady of the mansion was nowhere to be found Jose too had disappeared the latter had been last seen riding furiously towards Folkston early in the preceding afternoon to a question from hodge gardener he had hastily answered that he bore a missive of moment from his mistress the lean apprentice of a rasmus buckthorn declared that the page had summoned his master in haste about six o'clock and that they had rode forth together as he verily believed on their way back to the hall where he had supposed master buckthorn's services to be suddenly required on some pressing emergency since that time he had seen not of either of them the gray cob however had returned late at night masterless with his girth's loose and the saddle turned upside down nor was master irasmus buckthorn ever seen again strict search was made through the neighborhood but without success and it was at length presumed that he must for reasons which nobody could divine have absconded together with Jose and his faithless mistress the latter had carried off with her the strong box diverse articles of valuable plate and jewels of price her boudoir appeared to have been completely ransacked the cabinet and drawers stood open and empty the very carpet a luxury then newly introduced into England was gone marsh however could trace no vestige of the visionary scene which he affirmed to have been last night presented to his eyes much did the neighbors marvel at his story some thought him mad others that he was merely indulging in that privilege to which as a traveler he had a right indefeasible trustee Ralph said nothing but shrugged his shoulders and falling into the rear imitated the action of raising a wine cup to his lips an opinion indeed soon prevailed that master Thomas Marsh had gotten in common parlance exceedingly drunk on the preceding evening and had dreamt all that he so circumstantially related this belief acquired additional credit when they whom curiosity induced to visit the woody knoll of Aldington Mount declared that they could find no building such as that described or any cottage near save one indeed a low roofed hovel wants a house of public entertainment but now half in ruins the old cat and fiddle so was the tenement called had been long uninhabited yet still exhibited the remains of a broken sign on which the keen observer might decipher something like a rude portrait of the animal from which derived its name it was also supposed still to afford an occasional asylum to the smugglers of the coast but no trace of any visit from sage or mount a bank could be detected nor was the wise Aldrovando whom many remembered to have seen at the fair ever found again on all that countryside of the runaways nothing was ever certainly known a boat the property of an old fisherman who plied his trade on the outskirts of the town had been seen to quit the bay that night and there were those who declared that she had more hands on board than Cardin and his son her usual compliment but as the gale came on and the frail bark was eventually found keel upwards on the Goodwin sands it was presumed that she had struck on that fatal quicksand in the dark and that all on board had perished little Marion whom her profligate mother had abandoned grew up to be a fine girl and a handsome she became moreover heiress to Marston Hall and brought the estate into the Ingaldsby family by her marriage with one of its scions thus far Mrs. Botherby it is a little singular that on pulling down the old hall in my grandfather's time a human skeleton was discovered among the rubbish under what particular part of the building I could never with any accuracy ascertain but it was found enveloped in a tattered cloth that seemed to have been once a carpet and which fell to pieces almost immediately on being exposed to the air the bones were perfect but those of one hand were wanting and the skull perhaps from the laborer's pickaxe had received considerable injury the warm eaton stock of an old fashioned pistol lay nearer to gather with a rusty piece of iron which a workman more sagacious than his fellows pronounced a portion of the lock but nothing was found which the utmost stretch of human ingenuity could twist into a barrel the portrait of the fair Marion hangs yet in the gallery of Tappington and near it is another of a young man in the prime of life whom Mrs. Botherby affirms to be that of her father it exhibits a mild and rather melancholy countenance with a high forehead and a peaked beard and moustaches of the 17th century the signet finger of the left hand is gone and appears on close inspection to have been painted out by some later artist possibly in complement to the tradition which test to Botherby records that of Mr. Marsh to have gangrened and to have undergone amputation at the knuckle joint if really the resemblance of the gentleman alluded to it must have been taken at some period antecedent to his marriage there is neither date nor painter's name but a little above the head on the dexter side of the picture is an escutcheon bearing quarterly jewels and Argent in the first quarter a horse's head of the second beneath it are the words I taught this Suoi 26 on the opposite side is the following mark which Mr. Simpkinson declares to be that of a merchant of the staple and pretends to discover in the monogram comprised in it all the characters which compose the name of Thomas Marsh of Marston end of section 11 section 12 of the Engelspie legends first series the sleeper box recording is in the public domain the Engelspie legends first series by Richard Harris Barham section 12 respect for the feelings of an honorable family nearly connected with the Engelspie's has induced me to veil the real sponsorial and patronymic appellations of my next hero under a sober K interfering neither with rhyme nor rhythm footnote Paco nonsense everybody as belongs to him is dead and gone and everybody knows that the poor young gentleman's real name wasn't sober K at all but Hampton pie Esquire and that one of his uncles or cousins used to make verses about the king and the queen and had a sack of money for doing it every year and that's his picture in the blue coat and little gold-glazed cocked hat that hangs on the stairs over the door of the passage that leads to the blue room sober K but there the squire wrote it after dinner Elizabeth father be and footnote I shall merely add that every incident in the story bears on the face of it the stamp of veracity and that many persons of honor in the county of Berks who well recollected Sir George Rook's expedition against Gibraltar would if they were now alive gladly bear testimony to the truth of every syllable legend of Hamilton tie the captain is walking his quarter-deck with a troubled brow and a bended neck one eyes down through the hatchway cast the other turns up to the truck on the mast yet none of the crew may venture to hint our skipper have gotten a sinister squint the captain again the letter hath read which the bum boat woman brought out to spithead still since the good ship sailed away he reads that letter three times a day yet the writing is broad and fair to see as a skipper may read in his degree and the seal is as black and as broad and as flat as his own cockade in his own cock tat he reads and he says as he walks to and fro curse the old woman she bothers me so he pauses now for the topmen hail on the larbored quarter assail assail that grim old captain he turns him quick and balls through his trumpet for Harry faced dick the breeze is blowing has a haza the breeze is blowing away away the breeze is blowing a race a race the breeze is blowing we near the chase blood will flow and bullets will fly oh where will be then young Hamilton tie on the Fulman's deck where a man should be with his sword in his hand and his foe at his knee coxswain or boson or reefer may try but the first man on board will be Hamilton tie Harry faced dick half a swarthy hue between a gingerbread nut and a Jew and his pigtail is long and bushy and thick like a pump handle stuck on the end of a stick Harry faced dick understands his trade he stands by the breach of a long cannonade the lindstock glows in his bony hand waiting that grim old skipper's command the bullets are flying haza haza the bullets are flying away away the brawny borders mount by the chains and are over their buckles in blood and in brains on the Fulman's deck where a man should be young Hamilton tie waves his cutlass high and capitaine crepo bends low at his knee Harry faced dick lindstock in hand is waiting that grim looking skipper's command a wink comes sly from that sinister eye Harry faced dick at once let's fly and knocks off the head of young Hamilton tie there's a lady sits lonely in bower and hall her pages and handmaidens come at her call now hasty my handmaidens haste and see how he sits there in glowers with his head on his knee the maidens smile and her thought to destroy they bring her a pale little mealy faced boy and the mealy faced boy says mother dear now Hamilton's dead I've a thousand a year the lady has donned her mantlin hood she is bound for shrift at st. mary's rude oh the taper shall burn and the bell shall toll and the mask shall be said for my stepson's soul and the tablet fair shall be hung on high or a tape pro anima Hamilton tie her coach and four draws up to the door with her groom and her footman and half a score more the lady steps into her coach alone they hear her sigh and they hear her groan they close the door and they turn the pin but there's one rides with her that never stepped in all the way there and all the way back the harness strains and the coach springs crack the horses snort and plunge and kick till the coachman thinks he is driving old Nick and the grooms and the footman wonder and say what makes the old coach so heavy today but the mealy faced boy peeps in and sees a man sitting there with his head on his knees tis ever the same in hall or in bower wherever the place whatever the hour that lady mutters and talks to the air and her eyes fixed on an empty chair but the mealy faced boy still whispers with dread she talks to a man with never a head there's an old yellow admiral living at bath as gray as a badger as thin as a laugh and his very queer eyes have such very queer leers they seem to be trying to peep at his ears that old yellow admiral goes to the rooms and he plays longquist but he frets and he fumes for all his knaves stand upside down and the jack of clubs does nothing but frown and the kings and the aces and all the best trumps get into the hands of the other old frumps while close to his partner a man he sees counting the tricks with his head on his knees in ratcliffe highway there's an old marine store and a great black doll hangs out of the door there are rusty locks and dusty bags and musty files and fusty rags and a lusty old woman called thirsty nan and her crusty old husbands a hairy faced man that hairy faced man is sallow and wan and his great thick pigtail is withered and gone and he cries take away that loverly chap that sits there in grins with his head in his lap and the neighbors say as they see him look sick what a rum old Covey is hairy faced dick that admiral lady and hairy faced man may say what they please and may do what they can but one thing seems remarkably clear they may die tomorrow or live till next year but wherever they live or whenever they die they'll never get quit of young hamilton tie end of section 12 section 13 of the engelsby legends first series the sleeper vox recording is in the public domain the engelsby legends first series by richard harris barham section 13 the when the where and the how of the succeeding narrative speak for themselves it may be proper however to observe that the ruins here alluded to and improperly termed the abbey are not those of bulls over described in a preceding page but the remains of a perceptory once belonging to the night's template situate near swingfield swingfield or as it is now generally spelt and pronounced swingfield menace a rough tract of common land now undergoing the process of enclosure and adjoining the woods and arable lands of taffington at the distance of some two miles from the hall to the southeastern windows of which the time-worn walls in question as seen over the intervening coppices present a picturesque and striking object the witches frolic seen the snugglery at taffington grand papa in a high-backed cane-bottomed elbow chair of carved walnut tree dosing his nose at an angle of 45 degrees his thumbs slowly perform the rotatory motion described by lexicographers as twiddling the hope of the family astride on a walking stick with burnt cork mustachios and a pheasant's tale pinned in his cap Sola set themself with martial music roused by a strain of surpassing dissonance grand papa locuter come hither come hither my little boy Ned come hither unto my knee I cannot away with that horrible din that six-penny drum and that trumpet of tin oh better to wander frank and free through the fair of good saint Bartle me then list to such awful minstrel see now lay little Ned those nuisances by and I'll read you a lay of gramma ree grand papa riseth yawneth like the crater of an extinct volcano proceeded slowly to the window and apostrophize of the abbey in the distance I love thy tower gray ruin I joy thy form to see though refth of all sell cloister and hall nothing is left save a tottering wall that awfully grand and darkly dull threatened to fall and demolish my skull as ages ago I wandered along careless thy grass grown courts among in sky blue jacket and trousers laced the latter uncommonly short in the waist thou art dearer to me thou ruin gray than the squires veranda over the way and fairer I wean the ivy sheen that thy mouldering turret binds than the alderman's house about half a mile off with the green venetian blinds full many a tale with my grand damn tell in many a bygone day of dark some deeds which of old befell in thee thou ruin gray and I the readiest ear would lend and stare like frightened pig while my grandfather's hair would have stood on end had he not worn a wig one tale I remember of Mikkel Dredd now lith and listen my little boy Ned thou mayst have read my little boy Ned though thy mother thine eyedless blames in Dr. Goldsmith's history book of a gentleman called King James in quilted doublet and great trunk britches who held in abhorrence tobacco and witches while in King James golden days for the days were golden then they could not be less for good Queen Bess had died aged three score and ten and her days we know were all of them so while the court poet sung and the court gallant swore that the days were as golden still as before some people tis true a troublesome few who historical points would unsettle have lately thrown out a sort of a doubt of the genuine ring of the metal but who can believe to a monarch so wise people would dare tell a parcel of lies well then in good King James's days golden or not does not matter a jot young ruin a sort of a roof had got for though repairs lacking its walls had been cracking since Harry the eighth sent its people a packing though joists and floors and windows and doors had all disappeared yet pillars by scores remained and still propped up a ceiling or two while the belfry was almost as good as new you are not to suppose matters look just so in the ruin some 200 years ago just in that farther most angle where there are still the remains of a winding stair one turret especially high in the air up reared its tall gaunt form as if defying the power of fate or the hand of time the innovator and though to the pitiless storm its weaker brethren all around bowing in ruin had screwed the ground alone it stood while its fellows lay screwed like a four bottle man in a company screwed not firm on his legs but by no means subdued one night was in sixteen hundred and six I like when I can net the date to fix the month was May though I can't well say at this distance of time the particular day but oh that night that horrible night folks ever afterwards said with a fright that they never had seen such a terrible sight the sun had gone down fiery red and if that evening he laid his head in a fetus lap beneath the seas he must have scalded the goddess knees he left behind him a lurid track of blood red light upon clouds so black that Warren and hunt and the whole of their crew could scarcely have given them a darker hue there came a shrill and a whistling sound above beneath the side and around get leaf near moved on tree so that some people thought all Beelzebub must have been locked out of doors and was blowing the dust from the pipe of his street door key and then a hollow moaning blast came sounding more dismally still than the last and the lightning flashed in the thunder growled and louder and louder the tempest howled and the rain came down in such sheets as with stagra barred with a simile short of Niagara Rob Gopin was a citizen bad though of some renown of no great credit in his own or any other town he was a wild and roving lad forever in the alehouse boozing or romping which is quite as bad with female friends of his own choosing and Rob this very day had made not dreaming such a storm was ruined an assignation with Miss Slade their tristing place that same gray ruin but Gertrude Slade became afraid and to keep her appointment unwilling when she spied the rain on her window pane in drops as big as a shilling she put off her hat and her mantel again he'll never expect me in all this rain but little he wrecks of the fears of the sex or that maiden false to her trist could be he had stood there a good half hour air yet had commenced that perilous shower alone by the tristing tree Robin looks east Robin looks west but he sees not her whom he loves the best Robin looks up and Robin looks down but no one comes from the neighboring town the storm came at last loud roared the blast and the shades of evening fell thick and fast the tempest grew and the straggling you his leafy umbrella was wet through and through Rob was half dead with cold and with fright when he spies in the ruins a twinkling light a hop two skips in a jump and straight Rob stands within that posture and gate and there were gossips sitting there by one by two by three two were an old ill-favored pair but the third was young and passing fair with laughing eyes and with coal black hair a dainty queen was she Rob would have given his ears to sip but a single salute from her cherry lip as they sat in that old and haunted room in each one's hand was a huge birch broom on each one's head was a steeple crowned hat on each one's knee was a coal black cat each had a curtain of Lincoln green it was itro a fearsome scene now riddle me riddle me right madge gray what foot unhallowed wins this way goody price goody price now a read me right who roams the old ruins this dreary some night then up and spake that sauncey queen and she spake both loud and clear oh be it for wheel or be it for whoa enter friend or enter foe Rob Gilpin is welcome here now tread we a measure a hall a hall now tread we a measure quote she the heart of Robin beat thick and throbbing roving Bob tread a measure with me I lassie quote Rob as her hand he gripes those Satan himself were blowing the pipes now around they go and around and around with hop skip and jump and frolic some bound such sailing and gliding such sinking and sliding such lofty curvetting and grand pirouetteing Ned you would swear that Mr. Gilbert and Miss Tapeoni were capering there and oh such awful music Nair fell sound so uncanny on mortal ear there were the tones of a dying man's groans mixed with the raffling of dead men's bones had you heard the shrieks and the squeals and the squeaks you'd not have forgotten the sound for weeks and around and around and around they go heel to heel and toe to toe prance and caper curvet and wheel toe to toe and heel to heel tis merry tis merry comers I trow to dance thus beneath the nightshade bow goody price goody price now riddle me right where may we sup this frolic some night mine host of the dragon half mutton and veal the squire half partridge and widgen and teal but old Sir Topus half daintier cheer a pasty made of the good red deer a huge grouse pie and a fine florentine a fat roast goose and a turkey and chime madge gray madge gray now tell me I pray where's the best wassel bowl to our round delay there is ale in the cellars of taffington hall but the squire is a churl and his drink is small mine host of the dragon half many a flagon of double ale lambswoll and o de vee but Sir Topus the vicar half costlier liquor a butt of the choicest Mao wazi he doth not lack canary or sack and a good pint stoop of clary wine smacks merrily off with a turkey and chime now away and away without delay hey cock a laurum my broomstick gay we must be back ere the dawn of the day hey up the chimney away away old goody price mounts in a trice in showing her legs she is not over nice old goody jones all skin and bones follows like winking away go the crones knees and nose in a line with the toes sitting their brooms like so many to crows latest and last the damsel past one glance of her coal black eye she cast she laughed with glee loud laughter's three dust fear rob gilpin to ride with me oh never might man unscathed despy one single glance from that coal black eye away she flew without more ado rob ceases and mounts on a broomstick too hey up the chimney last hey after you it's a very fine thing on a fine day in june to ride through the air in a nasa balloon but you'll find very soon if you aim at the moon in a carriage like that you're a bit of a spoon for the largest can't fly above twenty miles high and you're not halfway then on your journey nor nigh while no man alive could ever contrive mr. green has declared to get higher than five and the soundest philosophers hold that perhaps if you reached twenty miles your balloon would collapse or pass by such action the sphere of attraction getting into the track of some comet good luck it is a thousand to one that you'd never come back and the boldest of martils a danger like that must fear rashly protruding beyond our own atmosphere no no when I try a trip to the sky I shan't go in that thing of yours mr. guy though messers muck mason and spencer and beasley I'll join in saying it travels so easily no there's nothing so good as a pony of wood not like that which of late they stuck up on the gate at the end of the park which caused so much debate and gave so much trouble to make it stand straight but a regular broomstick you'll find that the favorite above all when like robin you haven't to pay for it stay really I dread I am losing the thread of my tail and it's time you should be in your bed so lift now and listen my little boy Ned the vicarage walls are lofty and thick and the copings are stone and the sides are brick the casements are narrow and bolted and barred and the stout oak door is heavy and hard moreover by way of additional guard a great big dog runs loose in the yard and a horseshoe is nailed on the threshold sill to keep out ought that savers of ill but a lack the chimney pots open still that great big dog begins to quail between his hind legs he drops his tail crouched on the ground the terrified hound gives vent to a very odd sort of a sound it is not a bark loud open and free as an honest old watchdogs bark should be it is not a yelp it is not a growl but as something between a whine and a howl and hark a sound from the window high responds to the watchdog's pitiful cry it is not a moan it is not a groan it comes from a nose but is not what a nose produces in healthy and sound repose yet sir topis the vicar is fast asleep and his respirations are heavy and deep he snores his true but he snores no more as he's i've been accustomed to snore before and as men of his kidney are want to snore sir topis weight is 16 stone four he draws his breath like a man distressed by pain or grief or like one oppressed by some ugly old incubus perched on his breast a something seems to disturb his dreams and rice on his ear distinct and clear falls a voice as of somebody whispering near in still small accents faint and few hey down the chimney pot hey after you throughout the vicarage near and far there is no lack of bolt or of bar there are plenty of locks to closet and box yet the pantry wicket is standing a jar and the little low door through which you must go down some half dozen steps to the cellar below is also unfastened though no one may know by so much as a guess how it comes to be so for wicked and door the evening before were both of them locked and the key safely placed on the bunch that hangs down from the house keeper's waist oh it was a jovial sight to view in that snug little cellar that frolic some crew old goodie price had got something nice a turkey polt larded with bacon and spice old goodie Jones would touch not that had bones she might just as well mumble a parcel of stones goodie jones in sooth have got never a tooth and a new college pudding of marrow and plums is the dish of all others that suit with her gums madge gray was picking the breast of a chicken her coal black eye with its glance so sly was fixed on Rob Gilpin himself sitting by with his heart full of love and his mouth full of pie grouse pie with hair in the middle is fair which duly concocted with science and care dr. Kitchener says is beyond all compare and a tenderer leveret robin had never yet so in aftertimes oft was he want to a separate now pledge with a wine cup a health a health sweet are the pleasures obtained by stealth fill up fill up the brim of the cup is the part that I hold the tooth submits up here's to thee goodie price goodie jones to thee to the roving rob and again to me many a sip never a slip come to us for tweaks the cup and the lip the cups past quick the toasts fly thick rob tries in vain out there meaning to pick but here's the word scratch and old bogey and nick more familiar groan now he stands up alone volunteering to give them a toast of his own a bumper of wine fill vine fill mine here's a health to old Noah who planted the vine oh then what sneezing what coughing and wheezing ensued in a way that was not over pleasing goodie price goodie jones and the pretty madge gray all seemed as their liquor had gone the wrong way but the best of the joke was the moment he spoke those words which the party seemed almost to choke as by mentioning Noah some spell had been broke every soul in the house at that instant awoke and hearing the din from barrel and bin drew at once the conclusion that thieves had got in up jump the cook and caught hold of her spit up jump the groom and took bridal and bit up jump the Gartner and shouldered his spade up jump the scullion the footman the maid the two last by the way occasions some scandal by appearing together with only one candle which gave for unpleasant surmises some handle up jump the swine herd and up jump the big boy a non-descript under him acting as pig boy but their housekeeper coachman from bottom to top everybody jumped up without parlay or stop with the weapon which first in their way chance to drop whip warming pan wig block mug musket and mop last of all doth appear with some symptoms of fear sir topis in person to bring up the rear in a mixed kind of costume half pontific alibis half what scholars denominate pure natural abyss nay the truth to express as you'll easily guess they have none of them time to attend much to dress but he or she as the case may be he or she seizes what he or she pleases trunk hose in our curdles and shirts for chemises and thus one and all great and small shortened tall muster at once in the vigourage hall with upstanding locks starting eyes shortened breath like the folks in the gallery seen in Macbeth when Macduff is announcing their sovereign's death and hark what accents clear and strong to the listening wrong came floating along to his robin on coring himself in a song very good song very well sung jolly companions every one on on to the seller away away on on to the seller without more delay the whole posse rush onwards in battle array conceived the dismay of the party so gay old goodie jones goodie price and match gray when the door bursting open they described the allied troops prepared for the onslaught rolling like a tide and the spits and the tongs and the pokers beside boots and saddles the word mountain comers and ride alarm was near caused more strong an indigent house by cats among rats or a hawk in a pigeon house quick from the view away they all flew with a yell and a screech and a hollabaloo hey up the chimney hey after you the vultures themselves made an exit less speedy from corioli fluttered like doves by McCready they are gone save one robin alone robin whose high state of civilization precludes all idea of air a station and who now has no notion of more locomotion than suffices to kick with much zeal and devotion right and left at the party who pounced on their victim and mauled him and kicked him and licked him and pricked him as they bore him away scarce aware what was done and believing it all but a part of the fun hic hiccuping out the same strain he'd begun jolly jolly companions every one morning gray scarce bursts in today are at tappington hall there's the deuce to pay the tables and chairs are all placed in a ray in the old oak parlor and in and out domestics and neighbors a motley route are walking and whispering and standing about and the squire is there in his large arm chair leaning back with a grave magisterial air in the front of a seat a huge volume called fleet and bracton a tomb of an old fashioned look and coke upon little tin then a new book and he moistened his lips with occasional sips from a luscious sack posset that smiles in a tankard close by on a side table not that he drank hard but because at that day I hardly need say the Hong merchants had not yet invented how quay nor as yet would you see Sushong or Bohé at the tables of persons of any degree how our ancestors managed to do without tea I must fairly confess is a mystery to me yet your lid gates and Chaucer's had no cups and saucers their breakfast in fact in the best they could get was a sort of adhesion a a la foreshad instead of our slops they had cutlets and chops and sack possets and ale and stoops tankards and pots and they wound up the meal with rump steaks and shallots now the squire lifts his hand with an air of command and gives them a sign which they all understand to bring in the culprit and straightway the Carter and huntsman drag in that unfortunate martyr still kicking and crying come what are you are to the charges prepared and the evidence clear he was caught in the cellar a drinking the beer and came there there's very great reason to fear with companions to save but the least of them queer such as witches and creatures with horrible features and horrible grins and hooked noses and jins who'd been playing the deuce with his reverence as bins the face of his worship grows graver and graver as the parties detail robin's shameful behavior Mr. buzzard the clerk while the tail is reciting sits down to reduce the affair into writing with all proper diction and due legal fiction vis that he the said prisoner as clearly was shown conspiring with folks to opponents unknown with diverse that is to say two thousand people in two thousand hats each hat peaked like a steeple with forced and with arms and with sorcery and charms upon two thousand rooms entered four thousand rooms to wit two thousand pantries and two thousand sellers put in bodily fear twenty thousand indwellers and with sundry that is to say two thousand forks drew divers that is to say ten thousand corks and with malice propents down their two thousand throttles emptied various that is to say ten thousand bottles all in breach of the peace moved by satan's malignity and in spite of king james and his crown and his dignity at words so profound rob gazes around but no glance sympathetic to cheer him is found no glance did i say yes one madge gray she is there in the midst of the crowd standing by and she gives him one glance from her coal black eye one touch to his hand and one word to his ear that's a line which i've stolen from sir walter i fear while nobody near it seems to see her or hear as his worship takes up and surveys with a strict eye the broom now produced as the corpus delicti air his fingers can clasp it is snatched from his grasp the end poked in his chest with a force makes him gasp and despite the decorum so due to the quorum his worships upset and so too is his jorum and madge is astride on the broomstick before him hocus pocus quick presto and hay cock a laurum mount mount for your life rob sir justice adieu hey up the chimney pot hey after you through the mystified group with a hollow and a whoop madge on the pommel and robin on croup the pair through the air right as if in a chair while the party below stand mouth open and stare clean bum based and amazed and fixed all the room stick oh what's gone with robin and madge and the broomstick i what's gone indeed net of what be fell madge gray and the broomstick i never heard tell but robin was found that mourn on the ground in yawn old gray ruin again safe and sound except that at first he complained much of thirst and a shocking bad headache of all ills the worst and close by his knee a flask you might see but an empty one smelling of ode v rob from this hour is an altered man he runs home to his lodgings as fast as he can sticks to his trade marries mislaid becomes a teetotaler that is the same as teetotalers now one in all but the name grows fond of small beer which is always a steady sign never drink spirits except as a medicine learns to despise cold black eyes minds pretty girls no more than so many guys has a family lives to be sixty and dies now my little boy Ned brush off to your bed tie your nightcap on safe or a napkin instead or these terrible nights you'll catch cold in your head and remember my tale and the moral it teaches which you'll find much the same as what Solomon preaches don't flirt with young ladies don't practice soft speeches avoid waltzes quadrills pumps silk hoes and knee breaches frequent not gray ruins shun riot and revelry hocus pocus and conjuring and all sorts of devilry don't meddle with broomsticks their BLs above switches of sellers keep clear they're the devil's own ditches and beware of falls banquettings brandy and witches above all don't run after black eyes if you do depend on till find what I say will come true old nix some fine morning will hay after you note on the square of tappington Stephen engelsby surnamed the niggered second cousin and successor to the bad sergiles visitation of Kent sixteen sixty six for an account of his murder by burglars and their subsequent execution see dodsley's remarkable trials et cetera london seventeen seventy six volume two page two sixty four x the present volume article hand of glory end of note end of section thirteen