 Item number SCP-190-DE Object Class Euclid Secure Containment Procedures Direct containment of SCP-190-DE-1 and Dash-2 is currently considered too costly and counterproductive. They are allowed to continue their business under condition that they inform the Foundation staff at all times where and when they will appear next. They are also required to keep the special characteristics of SCP-190-DE-3 and the nature and origin of their non-terrestrial natural resources secret. SCP-190-DE-3 is to be equipped with a GPS tracker and all quality and health inspections are to be carried out by Foundation-certified personnel. SCP-190-DE is to be monitored at all times by Foundation personnel, but not to be informed of this fact. If one or both entities actively attempt to avoid being monitored by the Foundation, the Mid-Guard protocol is to be enacted. Description SCP-190-DE are two entities with a humanoid appearance. SCP-190-DE-1 has the appearance of a 40-year-old, 196 cm tall muscular man with long blonde hair and a full beard. SCP-190-DE-2 has the appearance of a 40-year-old woman with a size of 179 cm. SCP-190-DE-2 is bald, but conceals it with a brown wig. Both claim to be the Nordic gods Thor and Sif, but this has not yet been conclusively proven or refuted. SCP-190-DE-1 and Dash-2 operate a small mobile kebab joint. Herein after referred to as SCP-190-DE-3 with the name The Turkish Wahala that offers dishes and drinks corresponding to such an establishment. SCP-190-DE-1 always works as the front of the counter, serving and talking to customers, while SCP-190-DE-2 takes care of meal preparation. Although SCP-190-DE-3 looks like a normal snack cart painted in white, it has several special features. Instead of a vehicle, SCP-190-DE is towed by two domestic goats, Capra Agagris Herkist, which can reach speeds of up to 70 km per hour. DNA tests show that they are completely normal goats. These extraordinary abilities are readily accepted and ignored by bystanders, presumably due to an anti-mimetic effect. Furthermore, SCP-190-DE-3 has larger internal dimensions than what should logically be possible with its external dimensions, thus it has a usable area of approximately 70 m2, which is occupied by kebab grills, ovens, refrigerators, and other objects necessary for a kebab joint. However, some of them are arranged in such a way that this spatial discrepancy cannot be determined by outside glances. SCP-190-DE-3 is also capable of spontaneously disappearing with a flash of light and reappearing at another location. The time between disappearance and reappearance does not follow any laws that are apparent to the Foundation. SCP-190-DE-1 explained in its context that they were still visiting other worlds in between. SCP-190-DE-1's and SCP-190-DE-2's DNA is human, but both show a much higher body performance and vitality, but only a normal human intellect. It was observed how SCP-190-DE-1 and Dash-2 work consistently for a whole week without signs of fatigue. Resilient on their resistance to various influences have not yet been carried out, but both entities are immune to narcotics in all doses and weak poisons use so far. SCP-190-DE-1 has asked to refrain from such tests in the future, otherwise things will become, quote, really uncomfortable, unquote. Due to their physical strength and resilience, the Foundation expects high losses in its attempted containment, and is refraining from doing so for the time being due to its peaceableness, willingness to cooperate, and desire to remain undiscovered. SCP-190-DE has so far traveled around northern and central Europe to sell its food. Both entities speak the languages of all countries they visit fluently, and apparently know the local laws for the commercial distribution of food, the keeping of goats and behavior in local traffic. It has not yet been observed that any of the entities deliberately broke any of these laws. Although SCP-190-DE sells ordinary foods and beverages, it also offers dishes with a range of ingredients whose biological source cannot be found on Earth. Before the Foundation contained them, they praised it as, quote, the best of all nine realms, unquote. Discovery SCP-190-DE was discovered when Foundation webcrawler flagged a finding in the database of the bottom Wurttemberg Ministry for Royal Areas and Consumer Protection, which stated that the meat used by SCP-190-DE could not be clearly attributed to an animal. Also, SCP-190-DE3's actually impossible dimensions were mentioned. Foundation agents were sent to investigate the case. Interview with SCP-190-DE1 Note, this is the first interview with SCP-190-DE1. Agent Wilder stepped up to SCP-190-DE3 and started talking to SCP-190-DE1. Due to the late hour, no other customers were present. Begin log. Hello. Nice weather we're having this evening. Oh, yeah, can't complain. What will it be? I'm not here because I'm hungry. During a food inspection, very strange meat and vegetables were found here. Can you tell me anything about it? Are you sure? We make every effort to prepare everything properly, and none of our customers have complained as of yet. I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. Can I have your name for the protocol? Yes, of course. I'm Thorsten. Thorsten Nordmann, with TH. Okay. Tell me, where do you get your meat from? Oh, here and there, where dealers just offer something at a good price? Also applies to the vegetables and other ingredients. But we also go hunting for some things ourselves. Of course, only where it is allowed. Are you allowed to hunt? Yes, of course. I got a special hunting license. Take a look. SCP-198-D-E-1 pulls out a wallet, apparently made of goat skin, and pulls out the said document to show it to Agent Wilder. Hmm, everything seems to be fine with that. What kind of animals do you hunt? Oh, well, wild boars, deer, partridges, lendworms. Lendworms? Thorsten exists here, you moron. You're not helping, Stiff. Wait a minute, Siff. You call yourself Thorsten. Let me guess, the names of your goat have something to do with teeth grinding, right? SCP-198-D-E-1 looks embarrassed. Well… Mr. Nordmann, I have been working in this milieu for some time, and I have to say you are a lousy liar. Who are you really? Well, um, to be frank, you know, I, uh… Just tell him you're the god of thunder, jeez. Siff, who would buy that? I would. Wait, what? Well, my employer deals with people like you. I actually came because of the meat and the big car inside. But are you really Thor? Oh, what the heck? Yes, I am Thor, god of thunder, strength, healing, and oak trees. Hmm. How does a god of thunder get to operate a kebab joint? Everyone needs money to live. Gods are no exception. And nowadays, nobody really pays any tribute to us as guardians. You know, with all those Christians. Why a fast food joint, and why Turkish food? Well, I tried to weather service first, but I didn't get through the trial period. Then I wanted to become a grocer together with Siff. I wanted to sell organic food exclusively. That's why our shop was called EcoThor. But people preferred to go to the supermarket, and then I had to shut down. All I had left was my chariot. One day I went to buy kebab to eat something else, and there I had the flash of genius. A Greek colleague of mine had opened a gourmet restaurant in Aegean Sea, so I thought I could do that too. Instead of becoming the god of thunder, I would become the god of kebab. I had my car pimped out by the dwarves, and since then the money had been flowing again. Really? Just like that? Hey, sleeping a goat cart with your wife for five years with no roof over your head because your father kicked you out. Then you'll get really desperate. I had to put my last savings into this place. I see. This thing with your father. None of your damn business. Alright, why are you hiding from the public? As Thorsten Nordmann, I mean. Do you know how embarrassing that would be if the veneer found out that the once mighty Thor has to operate a kebab joint to keep himself above water? Please, that's the last thing I want. I see. If you like, my organization can support you. For certain conditions, of course. What kind of conditions? Well, you'd have to take all non-terrestrial ingredients off the menu, or at least hide them somehow, attach a tracking device to your car, and keep us informed of where you're going. In return, we'll cover such annoying stuff like health inspections and food inspections for you. Hmm, doesn't sound too bad. But I can't do without the ingredients. That's what makes the customers come in. If you wish, I could send you a few specialists to negotiate the exact conditions with you. I'm sure we can work something out. What's the deal? What if we refuse? I'm afraid we'll have to take you into custody. You are gods. You could do all sorts of damage. Listen, will you? I am the protector of Midgard, so I will protect this world and not destroy it by my honor. As far as I'm concerned, lock me up. But if you as so much as touch Sif, I'm gonna get really angry. At least listen to these people. We can still get out of the deal. Alright, honey! End log Closing Addendum SCP-190-DE-1-2 agree with Foundation representatives not to advertise their ingredients in an obvious manner, but to continue to use them after thorough analysis, and agree to the term set forth in the security measures. Foundation agents monitor the joint without SCP-190-DE's knowledge to intervene in the event of an information leak. Addendum 190-DE-1 Note, the following recording is a phone call received by SCP-190-DE-1 on September 5th, 2017. Due to the nature of the recording, it was not possible to record what was said by the other party. The telephone conversation was conducted in Ancient Nordic and translated for better understanding. It should be noted that words were used that do not exist in Ancient Norse. The meaning of these words were therefore inferred from the context. Begin log SCP-190-DE-1's bonus ring. It looks apparently annoyed at the displayed number before answering the call. That you have the guts to call me. Don't pretend as if I forgot that. Uh-huh. No. Business is good. I'm not giving up on this now. It makes me look ridiculous, alright? Big words from someone who rides an eight-legged horse. Hey, I still make more money than you. Yeah, what do you expect? There are now millions of duplicates of drop near, so the price is going down. That's your problem. Then put the dogs on a diet. Like there's going to be so much food on your table. Stop drinking meat and eat something decent. Speaking of which, was the tree doctor there? Ah, just a regular mushroom infection, I say. But no, the deer sir must have missed it at Magical. Can you fix that? Oh. I'm still not going there? No. Oh, Father, I don't care who slays the snake. I was supposed to die, remember? Then ask for Indra in India. He'll be more than willing to do that. This guy is trained for all that kind of stuff, and he even has a club to do it. I realize it's not a hammer, but take what you can get. Look, you can do this thing, but without me. Is that clear? Leave my kids out of this. Yes. Dude better. Loki? No, I haven't seen him. Asked the Olympians. He did what? Oh, the commies won't be very happy about that. Me? What are you thinking? He can catch those critters himself. Goodbye. Analog. Addendum 190DE2 In the following, the steps of protocol Midgard are described. 1. All Foundation coverage is withdrawn and tips on violations in SCP-190-DE3 are passed to the local health department. 2. Should SCP-190-DE wish to evade the health check or reject the decision of the health commissioners to prevent the closure of their store, step 1 is to be repeated in each new city where they appear. In addition, the kebab joint must be defamed through social media to force closure. If SCP-190-DE does not cooperate again by this time, the kebab joint must be closed, and all entities taken into custody by MTF-DE6-Delta, DOS-Oscobot, i.e. the draft. With the possible support of several units of MTF-DE4-Beta, D-Vertigator, all of them must be transferred to Site-DE17 and placed in containment.