 Well, before we begin today's broadcast or what I mean getting into the deep content I actually have a confession to make to all of you that I think it's important that I share Because when I think of the red flags men give to break up I I oftentimes think of my own Experiences in my early stage of dating after my divorce and some of the things I did But my confession has is going a bit deeper today because in some ways when I share my Perspectives and by the way all I'm doing here folks is sharing a perspective. I'm not saying this is a truth I'm a bit of a contrarian so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations my condition condition my Confession is I've been an asshole. I've been a jerk. I've come on strong I've made all kinds of promises and while I never disappeared right after sex I've done what's known as the dysfunctional moonwalk and basically that's backtracking to get out of something I got into the dysfunctionality piece was I was trying to convince them to break up with me versus me breaking up with them another part of my own dysfunctionality I Flirted with women online sexually I have During the pandemic. I felt very lonely I felt very addicted to online dating and a lot of women came Came on to me on a sexual perspective and I availed myself of that And I'm confessing all of this because folks when you watch my videos Many of you put me up on a pedestal as if I'm something unique. I'm an average man Just merely sharing my opinions Well, I'm probably not average in that I've done a lot of personal development self-help and spiritual work This happened after losing my son Connor in 2018 I went on a journey to explore self-love. In fact, I wrote a book called what the heck is self-love anyway This is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work. By the way, you can check out the link below to the book I'm just here to say I know no one's special and many of you put me out to be special on I'm not I'm just another human being flawed like we everybody is flawed And so when people enter into the relationship and relationships and relationships are rather complex today Because unlike the past we most the time chose relationship based on survival needs and based on Dependency I'm repeat that survival needs and based on dependency and because of that women in particular had to suck it up When they were come when there was some legitimate reasons to complain about their partner especially since we've been literally indoctrinated in the one-up one-down type of Dynamic meaning men were oftentimes superior to women and Thankfully thankfully thankfully that's changed or at least it's changing to some degree I know there are a lot of my contemporaries out there Sims literally suggesting to women that they must be subservient to men for a relationship to work And I am appalled at that Partially because I was the jackass guy that used to believe that and now I believe in a sense of parody I sense I believe in sense of mutual I'm mutual Enrichment in the relationship mutual effort into a relationship and that begins in the very early stages of dating So why is it so dysfunctional? Well? I want you to think about it Do you realize that I believe I believe the number is two-thirds if not more Then two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women and that's because most relationships lack a sense of intentionality a sense of purpose a sense of Emotional intimacy and yes them if for those people that were kind of stuck in those dependent Relationships and had to suck it up. Well women are in a capacity now where they can take care of themselves and hallelujah to that But at the end of the day nobody wants to have to do this by ourselves and especially right now when we're in a midst of an inflation and there's a lot of and the cost of living is outrageous and we should be wanting to pair up together to take advantages of the benefits that a relationship can bring to us and yet people are dysfunctional and coming back to women initiate the divorce because men are rather clueless and I'm here to call men out on this bullshit if you want and I'm gonna be sharing something shortly That I won't I'm gonna by the way stick till about 10 or 15 more minutes because there's something I want to share to all the women here to change the narrative to get men to commit much much more intentional than ever before But I'm here to say and I'm gonna talk about those red flags in just a moment that the man's gonna break up with you I'm here to want to encourage better relationships with people I'm here to encourage more Co-creative type relationships. In fact, I'm gonna give you some I'm gonna give you some clues of what that looks like so you can be better prepared and Ladies I know as much as you love the men to be the leaders in the relationship And all you have to sit back in your feminine energy because the guy is gonna claim you Okay, and by the way if someone is offended by that voice I will tell you that I've heard that from other female coaches and I can't stand it So yes, I'm calling that out because a woman should never sit in her feminine energy I invite every woman to be in her empowered energy to be in her empowered energy This is why I just began reading this book called why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total babe in total control of herself es Because I'm here to encourage this book is about a woman being in her Empowerment and not putting up with shit from men to actually set the stage But you've been so indoctrinated for 200,000 years that men are the leaders of the relationship And I'm here to say you're giving the job to the wrong person You are in charge of your relationship destiny. Don't give that up to a man But you like I know how much you love to be Chased by men it feels good when someone's making effort But that's never a guarantee Because most the time when guys are making effort it's to get laid And quite frankly these days It costs a couple drinks and a couple dinners and a guy can get laid Unlike the past where there actually had to be a level of commitment to have sex And we and by the way so many women and by the way, let me be clear about something A woman can do whatever she wants with her body from my as far as I'm concerned Okay, and a woman can have sex whenever she wants. That's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about for those who are looking for a fully committed relationship And yet sadly the the the barrier or the entry level to sex is so non-existent that yes It's going to be tough to find those more legitimate man. And sadly, oh, I forgot Everyone hold on for a second because I forgot my charts And I know it's important that I have my charts here Most listen, it's tough out there Because the vast majority of men are either users or spenders and what I mean by spenders they waste your time Look at this chart Okay, we've got users. These are the players and the love bombers That's about 20 of the population Maybe 20 of guys are actually emotionally healthy and they want to grow and build a relationship And most guys are spenders. They want companionship connection and coupling, but they have no direction So the reality is it's going to be hard to find someone This is why I teach a better way to date I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity from a man By the way, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Because folks, I'm going to teach you based on your personality How to choose better and if you could literally eliminate Listen, if if you had to go on 10 dates and you had eight of them users and spenders Wouldn't you like to learn a technique where you can narrow it down to two of the guys who are actually growers and builders? If you do then let's talk That's my it's my my strength is to help you with that plus i'm your big brother I'm your protector if I could be there on a first date I'd have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's face and say what's your intentions with my little sister Because there's a lack of accountability. There's a lack of tribe accountability Because sadly we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers And if you haven't read this book by malcolm gladwell, I highly recommend checking out talking to strangers What we should know about people we don't know folks The days of giving blind trust To strangers is over in my watch. Okay I'm going to suggest something in a few minutes that will absolutely change your life. So stick with me Okay, I'll jump into those red flags that I came up for this podcast or this broadcast I should say We'll get the content and and i'm going to share something that's going to change your life. Are you with me? All right, close to comment below if you are uh really uh quickly Okay, number one He all of a sudden has more solo plans That don't involve you number one. He all of a sudden has more solo plans That don't involve you that's a sign He's probably beginning to pull away from the relationship when he starts to do things without you I want to run through these quickly because I don't need to give you the whys Number two. He stops seeing your quirks as charming and he snaps at you more often He stops seeing by the way my ex-girlfriend had some quirky stuff about her Um, actually I learned to love it even to this day. I still love her quirky side But if I was ready to break up I'd start probably I would have been snapping at her Uh from the get-go Okay, number three. He stops saying we language and he starts using i language In other words, he might have said hey, we should go shopping today and he might start saying I'm gonna go shopping today Hey, we should go to the park today. Hey, I'm gonna go to the park today. He starts referring Outside of the we to an i language. Okay number four He starts putting you down By the way, in the work of john got and john and julie got and they talk about the four horsemen to the apocalypse of a relationship And that is criticism contempt Stonewalling and defensiveness criticism content stonewalling and defensiveness And so when someone starts putting you down that's contempt And that's a good sign that he's going to be pulling away from this relationship number five Your sex life begins to drop. He starts pulling back sexually Now for midlife men, that's not an uncommon thing to cut back on sex because it takes us more to um You know, it takes us more time to replenish our testosterone In fact, I know a lot of men that actually allow themselves three or four days to build it up But when you start seeing a decline in your sex life, there's a good chance He's probably emotionally left the relationship and he's ready to leave the relationship pretty much full blown And lastly For at least today's broadcast and I have a whole series of red flags broadcast coming up You start feeling something is off You start feeling something is off and this isn't based on fear This is actually based on your relationship. Your gut is speaking to you not from a scared place Do you know how you know what your gut? Because it's not coming from a scared place It's coming From a very calm place and you can feel the energy is off when you feel the energy is off There's a good chance that this relationship is starting to turn cell So you have to ask yourself something Are you two spending time together? Are you growing together? I'm going to repeat that Are you spending time or growing together spending time means companionship connection and copulation or sex? But it's not actual commitment. There's not a growing. There's not a building in the relationship This is why ladies I always say before the penis goes inside the vagina You should be reading the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman Okay, this will actually help prepare you to be in a healthier relationship because most of you guys are Clueless you think chemistry equals relationship success. And if you haven't seen my Relationship iceberg chart. You can see above the water line is attraction. That's where chemistry is And you all are desiring romance in the beginning But what you're not paying attention to is a count of or Compatibility and that's shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity But there's something deeper that needs to happen to build the deep roots to a relationship In fact, I talk about this in my private coaching quite a bit. I help you work through these things because the definition of commitment if you google by the way, if you google the definition of commitment is um, it says Engaged in a common activity or a restriction of freedom Engaged in a common activity or a restriction of freedom And i'm here to say stop being so fucking naive To the process and start becoming intentional. I posted a great podcast the other day by mark robes on my community page here And I invite you to listen to it. It was about conflict But the but he talked about in the podcast. This was really brilliant the the speaker talked about Five or six of the most important things to feel safe and to feel trust in the relationship to feel safe in the relationship And he said attunement In other words, you're really attuned to one another you can feel each other's energy And it's a mutual thing you are attuned to one another number two To the ability to repair the when there's conflict in the relationship the ability to repair if you're not familiar with conflict resolution skills I highly recommend checking out the work of marshal Rosenberg called nonviolent communication To really learn how to be more of an effective communicator. I have a female friend of mine We talk frequently and she is probably the most amazing communicator to the men she's dating She she's she's embodying the book why men love bitches. I love her ability to authentically communicate how she feels to a man From a she speaks her truth and does it with kindness when these guys are acting like jackasses So the ability to communicate effectively to repair when there's conflicts Number three truthfulness Oh my god, we are running around so fucking scared of being Vulnerable authentic and transparent with one another no wonder. It's a clusterfuck out there in relationships. This is why I highly recommend Reading the book emotional intimacy by robert masters Folks if you're not doing the inner work to be prepared for a relationship What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over and over and over and over again expecting different results and ladies Just because you have a capacity to vomit your feelings to your girlfriends doesn't mean you're actually good communicators I I talk to women all day long Most of you are terrible at communicating your your feelings in a concise way To men. In fact, this is why I highly recommend reading this book called I Hear You the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. These will give you templates along with By the way, I love Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt's work called getting the love you want Because this will help you with communication skills and I'm going to tell you something so many of you It's like you have duct tape. Wait a minute. Hold on one second. Hold on one second literally Most of you operate With fucking duct tape over your mouth I I have to illustrate this to prove this point you the duct tape is your fear This is how you operate You operate afraid to speak up because you're afraid he'll break up with you folks It is time for you to stand in your power and speak your truth Because when you're with the right guy, just like what I wrote in my book chapter nine Of what the heck is self-love anyway chapter nine If it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person Listen, I'm sorry to say you only have yourselves to blame when you constantly constantly Fucking complain about man and you complain about the relationship But you won't fucking do the work to actually be prepared to be in a good relationship And by the way, I'm not here to even I'm not advocating that men. I'm here to advocate men do the fucking work as well You know, it's fascinating to me I went to here's the thing I went to a singles event last night hosted by a matchmaker and I actually spoke to a therapist that um Told me that 70 percent of her practice right now is men coming in To wanting to help improve the relationship. So men are doing work It's just the hard part is we are live. Okay. Here's the real challenge. Okay. This is what we're faced with This is my emotional maturity relationship skills chart And roughly this is not a fact. It's merely opinion. By the way, that's the same with the other chart as well okay Roughly 20 percent of people have clinical issues when it comes to their relationship skills And while I say 20 percent are healthy I'm being rather generous with that because do you see this number 60 percent? It's dysfunctional and this is you too And I know you don't like hearing that Because you're all because humans are fucking delusional To their own issues. You all have blind spots But I can tell you when you start to do the work when you really start digging deeper and doing the work Do this do the work in this book the hoffman process You will become so crystal clear on your negative patterns You're limiting beliefs that you'll actually be able to step into deeper intimacy in a way you never had before Doing this work. You'll be wrapped in a blanket of self-love I'm here to encourage that So what's my message here today? I yelled a lot uh My message is this Listen, I yell because I'm I'm frustrated at delusional thinking hypocrisy And victim consciousness. I'll be candid with you, but I'm also yelling at myself because I get angry at my own delusion hypocrisy and victim consciousness because like everybody we're all human doing the best we can So I invite you I invite you to read the books. I recommend I invite you to start with my book because it's a journey to take you on a road Of understanding that it doesn't matter whether you're in a relationship with a man or not What matters most is the relationship you have with yourself and just like ester parel says And she wrote a great book called mating in captivity. She said uh The quality of our life is based on our quality of our relationships And while she didn't say the following i'm saying this the relationship to yourself is what matters most Is this sinking in is this resonating if it is saying yes jonathan This is resonating write that in the comments. Um, and write that in the chat box as well All right, we're going to take questions in a few minutes Uh, if those of you know my format if you have a question write the word question and post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley that's him right there. He passed away. Um, god, I can't believe it's coming on four years right now And in his name, I've created a fund to defray the cost of personal development for those seeking help and also to donate causes The causes like the hoffman process and insight seminars. We've already given away over two thousand dollars I'd love to give away another two thousand dollars. So purchase a super sticker super chat today All right, and I already noticed one earlier today. So I want to thank you so Before we get started today, I have a share with you And that share is this ladies I have a huge announcement to make and that is i'm here to offer a suggestion On how to get men to commit before sleeping together That's right. How to get men to commit before sleeping together Now have you ever heard the term? Men women are the gatekeepers to sex and men are the gatekeepers to commitment Let me repeat that men are the women are the gatekeepers to sex and men are the gatekeepers to commitment Okay, now I want you to think about this up until probably 50 60 years ago before birth control It used to be at least here in the united states if a man wanted to get laid He actually had to make the ultimate commitment. He had to marry the person to have sex That was a big commitment because not only are you committing to You know, especially in the vows of love honor cherish sickness and health death do us part It's also a commitment to take care of one another Repeat that to take care of one another there was a vow At the altar a promise to god universe spirit however you look at from a spiritual perspective To actually lean in and make a vow to this person and you held each other's hands and said in front of a minister And you said we are going to commit to one another And this was before sex And then everything changed after birth control And certainly things began changing right around the 60s when the divorce rate Took a sky rocking an increase Because mate a lot of couples shouldn't have been married. Okay a lot of people got married that they shouldn't got married But what happened is now in the last 50 years the entry level to sex The entry level to sex is almost non-existent Basically a man could take a woman out for a couple drinks a couple cocktails Even first date sex second date sex third date sex. This is happening frequently And there's literally no trust built with one another. There's no agreement of monogamy. There's no agreement of exclusive dating There's little or no trust built. There's actually little or no familiarity with the person and this is happening habitually and partially this is skyrocketed because of these devices And these apps, you know these apps like this one and many others It's so easy for men to get sex that they don't have to make any commitment going forward Well, ladies, I'm here to announce something that I want you all to take hold of okay And I invite you to be empowered going forward in the dating process So most of you know my rhetoric I always say before the penis goes inside the vagina You should purchase two copies of the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman Two copies of this book and begin reading it together. This is the outline to describe What a healthy ha the beginning stages of a healthy happy relationship to see if you're aligned with one another It's the mechanics to build a relationship together and i'm here to empower you a little bit deeper Now one thing you could do to slow the process because you might have heard me say Men are the gas and women are the brakes Men are the gas and women are the brakes and you might want to Suggest before you're physically intimate with a man that you both take an sd std test an std test this slows down the biological process of mating It actually slows it down and what you find is those men who are the love bombers those men who are the players They oftentimes don't want to be bothered With taking an std test Certainly a person who's legitimately serious about relationship isn't going to have a problem with it And certainly there are men who are even in it for the short run that will take the test because there's a benefit to taking the test For them as well that they know that they're clean, but at least it's a barrier It's a it's like at least it's a barrier to entry Some barrier entered entry, but we're going to offer something completely different And I call this the dating vow the dating vow So i'm going to put on my trusty glasses and I want you to see it right here Get him to commit before sleeping together the vow Okay And the vow sounds like this Okay Sounds like this So i'm going to use my name But you both have to agree to this vow before the penis gets to go inside the vagina and that vow is I jonathan or I penny or jade or michelle whatever is listed here I jonathan agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months Okay, that's the first vow the second vow is I jonathan agree to be monogamous sexually while we are having regular sex together An agreement of monogamy number three I jonathan agree to not actively seek to meet or date others While we're in this process of getting to know each other which includes I will take down my dating profile I'm going to repeat all these again I jonathan agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And by the way, you're both saying this to each other and lastly I jonathan agree to invest regular time in the process of getting you to know you which looks like this We're going to spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life That leads to either moving in to get moving in together or getting married That is my vow So the vow Again, I'm going to repeat this. I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together I agree to not actively seek to meet or date others while we're in the process of getting to know each other I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And I vow to agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you Which looks like blank So here's the thing ladies 90 percent of men will bail on this Because there are thousands of women who will have sex with them without any commitment or agreement whatsoever And if all women band together tonight today going forward And if they cut off sex this would change men forever and how they treat and use sex But in the meantime until that ever happens, which you most likely won't because women there's so many women too willing to have sex They're willing to give the milk for free without the guy buying the cow I offer you this suggestion the dating vow Are you with me? Are you willing to do the dating vow going forward? I'm here to say band together ladies Make this request If a man genuinely likes you if a man genuinely likes you Making this simple request isn't a big deal But if and by the way, I will say this Sex is part of the decision-making process to be in a serious relationship. Let me be let me let me make this clear I know many of you like the idea of waiting for marriage That could be a recipe for disaster If the guy has a small penis or he's shitty in bed or he premature ejaculates or he can't get a heart on Let me just say this. I'm not here to wait for sex I'm just here to say before you have regular sex together make a vow with one another The guys by the way since 80 percent of men are users or dysfunctional or spenders You're going to eliminate a lot of the wrong guys But guess what if a guy steps up you have a greater chance of relationship success And while this is going to turn off a lot of guys, I'm here to say put your chesty belt on Because wouldn't you want your daughters to do the same thing? And if there are any men watching wouldn't you want your daughters to do the same thing? Or would you want people just to have cavalierly have sex? Because let me just tell you this This cavalier casual dating process is an emotional clusterfuck It's an emotionally it is emotionally draining We weren't designed to have so many partners over and over and over and over and over again I'm not even partners experiences. I should say we weren't designed for this So I'm here to offer a different way of looking at things I'll tell you my clients are Are experiencing I'm getting phone call each week from clients who work with me telling me about amazing Relationships they're in because they're doing the work Both in their own individual life and they're standing up in their empowerment And I'm here to yell at my top of my lungs to encourage you all to do the same. Are you with me? If you are say yes, jonathan. I'm with you All right, that's my rant really quickly on the the dating vow and I hope it had value for you And check out the links below to schedule a call with me or follow or purchase the books. I recommend as well all right Time to get started with questions All right. Hey my coffee mug says don't make me go. I'll psycho roommate on you. I think I already did that I can already see people saying jonathan. I'm with you stop wasting time. No small pieces Love is in the heart. I agree. Why buy the pig if you can get the sausage for free Well, that's one way of looking at it All right, susan writes question What is the best way to tell someone nicely after a second or first or second date that you don't feel compatible And you don't want to continue seeing them. Love this question So how do you let a guy down simply these days? We do use our devices and it can simply say something like this Hey jonathan. I just want you to know I really appreciated the time to get to know you and I think you're a fantastic person I repeat that. Hey jonathan. I really appreciate the time to get to know you and I think you're a fantastic person As I reflect upon the first and second date we have I'm feeling as if they're we are not aligned or we're not a match for one another and for that reason I'm discontinuing communication going forward. I just want you to know I wish you all the best on your journey and And maybe may you find love in your life soon warmly sally warmly jane warning jade whoever it is warmly susan, okay So susan go back rewind this that's the script or you can tweak it every you like you send it in the text and boom you're done Matter of fact, I'm going to share with you. I sent a text to a woman after a first date. This will this will help illustrate this bum bum bum This was the date fixed up by the matchmaker. Did I did I delete her number yet? Um, here it is. So this was the message I sent I sent Hey, um sally, I'll call her just wanted to say thanks again for meeting yesterday and it was nice connecting with you my sense was that there wasn't there wasn't a romantic connection between us and And that's also the message I want to pass on to the matchmaker that fixed us up Wishing all the best on your journey warmly jonathan very simple Hey, I just didn't feel the connection between us. That's it. You don't have to give explanation You don't have to go into details. That's any time you want to do that is because you want to make the person feel bad Well, don't do that Just move on. Okay, susan. I hope that helps All right bump bump bump Let's go swim in Let's go swim in Let's go swim in. Let's go swim in. Hey calling. Thank you for the four dollar nine nine cent super sticker I really appreciate it. I saw another one here too corny cob says question My partner has a skin condition that makes him covered in pus. I'm getting disgust and I feel like I can no longer sleep with them What should I do? Wow, that's a tough one I don't know how I'd handle that gosh I mean if it's something curable, I would just be patient, you know, but if it's something incurable I don't know. This is the tough one. You know, it's funny. What is What is unconditional love for better for worse? They're thick or thin. I mean, I don't know This is an individual one. I can't I don't know how I'd handle that But I I will say if the attraction begins to wane it makes it difficult to want to stay in relationship This is why it's more important than ever before ladies not to be independent Relationships because when you're independent relationship, as I said in the beginning of the broadcast, you'll suck up a lot of stuff So I don't know that's a tough one again. I'm hoping it's curable But if it's not, I'm sure he doesn't even want to be in a relationship right now because he's probably feeling Terribly embarrassed and frustrated. That's just my gut reaction to that. So That's a tough one. Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it All right Debra says I'm exploring a relationship with the man. I've known my whole life checks all the boxes above sea And below the iceberg. I'm feeling he's not over his ex though. Do I persevere? so I don't like when you say I have to persevere Okay, I think the question is are you going to have open dialogue with one another? First off Debra is his penis getting to spend time in your vagina? Because if his penis is spending time in your vagina, you should be doing my vow My vow, okay You should be reading the book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman. You should be having deeper conversations with one another But if his penis hasn't reached the vagina yet Um, you know, sometimes it takes look at I had a client text me She's in a relationship with someone and she'd literally just text me jonathan Um, how long does it take for a man to get over a divorce? She literally texts me that and i'm I'm gonna tell you what I wrote her. I said this is the work of allison armstrong allison armstrong talks about Men going through the tunnel and this was a meme she posted Allison armstrong v said sometimes sometime between the age of 40 and 50 most men go through Something we call the tunnel our culture calls it midlife crisis. We think it's a scared Sacred opportunity to reflect on where he's been where he is and what the best What's best in his life? He might not be about it might not be about the divorce. He might be going through midlife crisis I got to tell you my midlife crisis Lasted well over a decade very common to go through a 10-year period women go through this as well You know on in a variety of different ways. This is part of the journey Of going who am I? Why am I here? What am I supposed to be here for? What am I supposed to do here? So, you know, the question is are you growing a relationship together or are you spending time together? My guess is you're in a spending time type of relationship You're not actually in a co-creative growing relationship. Read the book the seven principles of making a marriage work by John Gottman. This is brilliant to understand the mechanics Along with the book eight dates have deeper dialogue with one another Have communication with one another. Did I bring out another one of my books? I didn't But that's just my rough suggestion. So I hope that helps Deborah, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it And she said thank you for answering my question right back at you Jade says 10 years to get over over a divorce. Well, it's not 10 years to get over a divorce It's 10 years the tunnel that the midlife crisis could take a decade could take two decades For me after my divorce I lost my quarter million dollar a year job I lost all my money in the marketplace. I was doing drugs and alcohol for almost five or six years I was snorting cocaine all day just to get through the pain It's not uncommon to go through that and it took me another half a decade of personal development work to get out of the tunnel And even then it's still working So, yeah, it can be a long time. It depends. Are you two a couple are weak couples joining together and say I want to co-create and build something with one other hence why I'm recommending the dating vow But most of you guys are clueless because you want the men to lead the process so you can sit your feminine energy All right, stop being naive to this. I am yelling at you to be the wake up call Read these books together. It's your only Listen, it's not your only chance. I was gonna say that It it puts the odds in your favor Okay, what's the definition of insanity doing the same things over and over again expecting different results all right Thank you And kmt says I love the idea of the vow. I will try it way to go Who else is going to try the vow the dating vow the penis before the penis goes inside the vagina All right kimberley writes Um question personal What is your love language john in other words? How do you want someone to love you? Give you gifts make you meals physically touch you lots of sex Well, I love all of those actually i'm not a big gifts person might primary love language according to the five love languages By the way, folks, if you're not familiar with the five love languages by gary chapman They are words of affirmation physical touch quality time access service and gifts. Okay now mine happens to be Uh words of affirmation actually i'm a leo. It's words of adoration. I love to be adored Tell me how handsome and I am i'm putting your hands and then physical touch. Those are my two primary ones um And then uh quality time access service and gifts are probably equal in that capacity So that's my love languages and again folks check out the book the five love languages by Gary Chapman to learn yours. You can do a quiz online by going to the website five love line the five love languages dot com All right, I want to thank uh, oh we gin will get your question in a moment, but i'm going to take st 690s question. What's the difference between gaslighting and stonewalling? Okay, great question So folks if you're not familiar again, john gotman talks about stonewalling That's when you basically shut down emotionally and don't communicate to your partner shutting down emotionally and don't communicating to your partner That's stonewalling My mother used to stonewall all of us in the family for 72 hours whenever she was upset with my dad My my brother or myself or my sister she would shut down emotionally. She would stonewall Gaslighting is when you turn The words okay, so if you say something to your partner that is That a disappointment your partner they turn it around and make it about you. That's what gaslighting is So stonewalling is kind of avoiding communication for a period of time gaslighting is turning it around on you Okay, I hope that helps st 690. Please let me know if it does All right, we gin writes question Dear jonathan, i'm so happy and fulfilled to be with myself that I like to stay here for another while Thank you for teaching me how to have a wonderful juicy relationship with me your student we gin Oh, it's good to hear from you sweetheart. I you are just a fantastic client I can't begin to thank you enough for all your support and I really appreciate what you shared I know folks. I'm helping making a difference in so many people's lives And it's my blessing to work with people and thank you so much for the super sticker for the khanarasi scholarship fund Thank you so much. Oh that clap seems so All right, danielle. By the way folks, you can write me personal questions. That's okay Question what's your opinion on testing a person you're attracted to? I think we're constantly I think we should be investing and testing as as matthew hussey says invest and test invest and test Both of you are testing each other to see how fully How serious are you? By the way, I know a lot of people are gonna Give me a lot of flak for my dating vow But listen, we need to go back to some level of civility Instead of this pleasure seeking based way of relationships. Let me repeat that a place of responsibility Instead of a pleasure based way of seeking relationship. That's our problem today. We are pleasure based and not Not responsible And and actually caring for other people's feelings. It's a very selfish thing for men to want to drive through You know the the drive for sex under the guises. I'll give her an orgasm. So I did my part Okay, but that's not caring about the person real trust Takes time to build it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust so Anyway, that's my two thoughts my my two cents and i'm sticking to it By the way, are you appreciating this broadcast? Please let me know Okay, st writes is your book selected group to be linked underneath this video clip By the way in the description all my book what the heck is self-love anyway As well as jonathan recommend books are listed there all the books. I recommend All right Jackie writes Hello, I bought the eight dates book loved it self-love reading now so far good. Thank you. By the way, please write a review for me Jackie, I really appreciate it All right jade writes question What if he agrees to the vows straight face but lies? And you can't know it You know what? Listen, this isn't a full proof. By the way People have gotten married said writing vows and cheated the next day on their partner This isn't a good. This isn't a guarantee But let me tell you something you're going to eliminate 97 of the looky loos That are most likely even the liars. You're going to eliminate a lot of them So listen, this isn't merely a suggestion take it for what it's worth But again, you have at least a nine out of ten chance Of the guy wants to do the vow. He's way more serious than the ones who don't so great question jade. Thank you so much um Weegean says I didn't I don't have questions jonathan. I just wanted to show my appreciation big hugs to you sweet art Thank you so much Do you know what a blessing you are jonathan? You know, you're appreciating value. Oh, thank you so much I do this folks. I'm going to share something with you all I have to be careful to not get so wrapped up in the gray out the amount of kind What's the praise I get because It could create You know a bit of vanity for me and i'm very careful not to get so Egoically attached to all the wonderful comments I get and yet at the same time I'm incredibly grateful that I feel as though I'm making a difference in the world And as I said in the beginning of this broadcast look, I am a flawed human being I have been delusional I have been uh hypocritical I've even acted like a victim and I probably still do and maybe still will always It's just inherent in human nature And yet each day if someone calls me out of my shit I do my best to stand up and say I was wrong I was wrong And so I am grateful for all the love. I'm so grateful for all the love many of you give Many of you give me and I hope you understand that I'm not a perfect human being believe me I'm rid I'm riddled with flaws By the way, I'm doing a mushroom journey this weekend. That's my way of working on some of those flaws I'm so excited about doing psilocybin. It's such a fun experience to get to connect with your divine self To connect with yourself and say how can I work on being a better human being for myself? And I'm so grateful that I get I get to do this stuff. So anyways, thank you so much for your question Debra or your comment Debra. I really appreciate it. Does anyone else feel like Debra? Please let me know. Thank you Uh, I don't date anymore, but I do get so much from your shows. Thank you so much Colleen She joined my private group folks called midlife love mastery If you want to have direct access to me on a regular basis to connect with me privately check out the link to my VIP group called midlife love mastery all right Mary Ann writes question When you're on these dating apps are a lot of the women of all ages dress Provocatively, I hope it's not like that. It doesn't show self-worth. I hope it's not like all that It doesn't show self-worth. I would say that usually women over 45. They don't dress provocatively They just have shitty fucking profiles I mean, I want to bomb it at the The level of stupidity by human beings on the online dating world. That's why I've stopped I've cut back on my online dating Viewing I barely look anymore. I've upgraded just to see who swipes me. I upgraded for that service So let me see. I can try to show you some lame profiles Anyway, oh, she's kind of cute So anyway, that's just my two cents in there. We have stupid people online dating Women as well as men stupid people That's so not nice of me to say stupid people. That's so mean, but I can't help myself It just bugs the fuck out of me. All right Okay, let's see. Oh, I want to give Amy or props. Thank you so much for the $10 super sticker. I really appreciate it Listen, we have a lot of comments Oh, okay. This will be the last share for today. What happens in my private group Okay, so I have a private group called midlife love mastery check out the link in the description in that group We have a facebook group Where we interact on a regular basis I shoot three private videos a week in the group based on your personal questions I shoot personalized videos just for you and then once a month we do a live webinar In fact, it's this just in a couple days We're doing one where you can talk to me directly on the phone to ask questions So that's a once a month live webinar And then I've got a library of videos that you can search on for almost any subject out there I've got hundreds of videos in the group. So check out midlife love mastery calling or Kathleen. I hope you join today All right folks, I think this would be a good place to wrap up today I want to thank you so much for allowing me to share. I hope you got value at the six or seven signs of Signs of red flag. He's gonna break up with you. I hope you found value in that conversation I had about attunement and I hope you start using to get him to commit before sleeping together vow And that vow is I agree to explore the raw process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious In the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in this dating process of getting to know each other Which includes I'll take down my dating profile I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing and lastly I agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know you which looks like this and then you share what that is Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please give me a thumbs up. Please share this video with your friends All right, i'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic chanth and bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank holly and jade and heather. Hey heather uh, jennifer and danielle and st 690 and claudie and uh, debora and amy and rp and vicki and scorpio moon And amy and kathleen and jade. I think we said all those maggie michelle everyone. Thank you so much wishing you a Bad evening. Bye. Bye now