 Assalamu alaikum and welcome to Making a House a Home with myself Raghad Barkar and our expert life coach and NLP practitioner Fahima Mohammed, who today will be talking about the crucial topic of friendship, how to choose friends and how to be a good friend. Assalamu alaikum Fahima and thank you for coming today. Thank you very much for having me. Can you tell us from your perspective, life coach, the importance of friendship? Well, it's not just about life coaching. I think in general, we know as humans, we exist wanting and having the natural need to connect with each other as humans and obviously the most easiest way to do that is through our friendships and we build a bond when we're our families with our siblings and then as we get older and we go through life in school and outside with work and colleagues and things like that, then friendships is the most easiest way to connect with people and it's really necessary and it's really important and actually it doesn't matter what kind of personality you have, there's always a time in the stage in your life where you want people around you and you need people around you and it's actually healthy to have someone around you. So, knowing the importance of friendships is vital but then we have to know what kind of person are we being as a friend is one thing and the other thing is how do we choose our friends because psychologists and researchers today, even in the religion of Islam, has said a lot of the same things which is that you become who you hang around with. There is an influence and there's an impact especially over time and there's a lot of issues in between that because on one end you can say like especially now in the communities parents encourage their children to sort of be with particular communities that are their own, same background, same culture, same religion and on one hand that could be really good to have that influence but at the same time like living in the West and having the diversity and wanting to integrate and to be open, also having an influence because you are a particular way so you want to have the influence and depending on the character that you are you either be influenced or you can influence. So the upbringing and your strong character and the building of yourself is really vital because that will make a difference with your choices and your decisions with regards to the environment and the people that you are around and we do say that it's nice to be around the same sort of communities which is your own but at the same time to what extent do you do that and I think there's a difference with different stages and different ages and I think when we are also keeping ourselves in boxes and labels it can be quite negative and it can be quite sort of keep you back in certain situations and scenarios. So there's two signs to look at it. I know that a lot of people are scared parents that have come from abroad years ago and they want to keep the tradition and they want to keep families and communities and languages together and thinking that you know if our children are mainly playing with people that are not from their own you know background then they're going to be influenced in the bad way but actually the other side of that is is how you bring them up and how they see life because you can never really keep anyone caged and if you do they will go wild. So to what extent do you actually you know open them up to what extent do you actually show them the outside world and have those sort of friends and as you get older the influence can be a lot more damaging if they go a certain way. As you said it's quite important to also mix with people outside of your culture but you can kind of differentiate between a friendship with someone within your culture and someone who comes in and out of your house as we say in Arabic and a colleague so someone who you mix with at school or at work just so that you can you know diverse your outlook and just have a more diverse circle of friends. So you can have like two types of friends can't you? Absolutely. Thing is though we're not taught to be in that way though because the amount of time they actually spend outside the house even if you have people coming in and out of your house is outside the house in school and that's where the diversity does you know come in and even at work. So as much as you want to be with your own it's very difficult at the same time and the influence is there so you need to be really strong within yourself to know who you are and to build that character and to not be ashamed that you don't need to conform and at the same time you know you actually you know teaching others about yourself by being your way. Exactly because if you just hang around with your own people for example at school because I remember when we were at school yes you know we had our friends that were our school friends but they were just school friends so even when we left school we didn't really say in touch with them they went from different culture and then we had our real friends they were also at school but then we'd meet them outside of school as well until now we're still in touch. So I think yeah what you're saying is spot-on like as like you have to have that diverse to your friends and balance yeah balance and the thing is I mean it's okay to also label people outside your background being a bad influence but actually you know you might find scenarios where there are people that might not be from your religion but they actually have much better morals and the problem may lie even with your children being in their own culture and background and being influenced in the bad way so those sort of friends are also to be warned about and then you know you think well they're also Muslim but they're doing wrong so it's okay for me to do wrong so you know you know all these things need to be considered so you need to sort of like you know as parents bring up your children a certain way and even as adults you know take on responsibility for yourself to sort of check yourself as to you know who is around me and what is their you know influence on me and am I following them or are they leading me and you know people also change when you have long-term friendships over time when there's college university work and marriage you know people do change in their stages whether it means they become more religious or less or they become you know less connected to you in many ways because of their different you know changes and stages in their lives so you know it's again it's relationships at the end of the day and it's quite complicated and simple at the same time but you really need to know yourself and understand that to be a good friend you have to be very strong yourself as to what your values and your beliefs are and you have to be confident that you can carry that in different environments and settings so that others are not you know gonna be influencing you in a bad way and you can only take the good and you won't go through the bad I mean people think that children generally will be influenced badly but actually the influence do come a lot from the house and if you have a strong you know role model in the house or you have strong you know rules and regulations and you have general conversations about what's going on and to say that you know in our household and in the way we do things and the reasons for what the way we do things is the way we do things and other people have their right and we can respect it but doesn't mean that we have to follow suit and if you sort of instill this from a young age I think then it can build a character of being okay with who you are and still mixing and you know you being the one more powerful to influence in your way right then have it the other way around and how about that saying man a share of common are buying a young as the ham in home so the one whoever mixes with with a peak with a group of people for 40 days becomes like that so I mean what is that coming because you're saying that more it's more the influence at home because I mean you are with your family but the thing is the timing obviously outside you know with school and work is that but you know if you constantly coming back to your house yeah and you constantly reassuring that you know you're doing certain things you're having these conversations and you are practicing certain things that will keep you away from it and you'll be aware that you know the closeness and the connection that you have with people outside even if you're spending time with them is not really that influence but then there's something within us that will drive us towards those friendships to which we have to understand unconsciously that we go to those friends that are doing sin or they doing something that's not right in school and they acting in a certain way and we are actually attracted to that so what does that say about us so you know you can't just blame friends as well it does come from you as to who you choose to hang around with because you know you find quite once and you'll think that oh my child's really quite wise you know why they're hanging around with someone that's so loud but they actually yearn for it and the same with adults you know they might come across as a you know a married man you know with the responsibility and commitment yet they love the fact that they hang around with someone 10 years younger was going out a lot and they will do the same thing if not worse so you know so it really comes from you you need to build and know who you are and that's what makes a difference so what you're saying is sometimes your friends are a reflection of what you have to be psychology you know psychology says that right yeah there isn't there is a sort of sec you know an impact that you know you think that other people are having on you but actually it's just a reflection of how you are really so you don't really have that right to say it someone else's fault and don't bring the friend really that's what I'm saying you have to build a friend because at the end of the day you chose to to walk with that friend or to hang out with that friend absolutely and again we also come back down to the fact that we are accountable alone so there's no one to blame except for you but the thing is but friends can be manipulative as well and they can have that influence and they can see a certain trait in you that they can actually bring out even more knowingly or not knowingly so you know to be a good friend as well you know you need to know like are there someone that you know will actually tell you the truth if you're doing something wrong or are they gonna encourage you to do something a lot of the times nowadays we have friendships that are built upon the fact that I will stand by you no matter what wrong or right I'm there for you you're my brother you can go and even you know hurt your own family but I'm on your side now that's not a friend and on the very basic level you need some education you know because that's not how it should be you know you do not back someone up and you do not support someone you do not give them that helping hand if it's going to break their home if it's going to break a relationship or you do not break a relationship and you don't be part of that a true friend and especially in Islamic one you know will actually stand back distance themselves or advise and they certainly would not encourage it they would not give a hand in that but a lot of the times you find especially with teenagers or adults generally you know they stand by their friends wrong or right they think that is loyalty that's loyalty that you know you stand by the friend no matter what happens and they don't realize that you didn't get on judgment yes there's no such thing as that because you know you're not just doing harm to that person who's doing the wrong you yourself you know being like you know encourage a supporter whatever that may be in whatever form you're actually damaging yourself we all have homes to be built in we all have you know houses to be made and created it over time and all of that will come back to you and it does hurt you so do not you know think that you know because it's not really you and it's someone else it's not my choice but I'm just backing up my friend and I'm just doing what they do and I'm being their friend and being there for them no you have to know that in Islam you have to be righteous and religious and you have to have the good morals and that's what making a good friend is but you also tell your friend in a way that doesn't harm them and hurt them but the truth needs to be told and you need to guide and lead in the right way so you will attract the right friends as well by being a certain friend yourself so it works hand-in-hand so you know I mean over time we do have different phases and stages with regards to friendships and it do it does change and even having a long-term friendship can change over time you know people do separate and people do you know make different choices in life but you have to really be strong as to who you are and what is it that you want around you and even successful entrepreneurs they put themselves in situations and they hang around with people that are going to uplift them and they compare themselves to people that are better than them not worse than them don't say oh you know for example you know I didn't have a good role model but I'm better than that role model for my children no you can pay yourself someone even better and that's how you bring yourself up so at the end of the day you need to know that you know what does it mean to be a person and to be someone of influence so that you do not be influenced in the bad way but you yourself can be the leader and you can be the one to influence so basically when you're self-judging don't look at someone who's less than you or to make yourself feel better to make yourself feel better look at someone who is better and try and strive to to get there yes absolutely because that's what we do in order to say well we you know we're not that bad you know we're not that bad we could be worse but actually you should strive to be on top you need to be the master or everything that you do and that's how you get to greatness that's how you overcome and actually work because you know unless you want to live a mediocre life and if you want to just you know you know brush by whatever you are doing that's fine but you'll never be fulfilled and happy and again you know to be supportive and to encourage I know a lot of friends they don't want to open up to their other friends and tell them the truth and tell them you know what you're doing is wrong or distance themselves if they cannot vocalize it you know and they cannot say it in the instead of like a communication way there's non-verbal communication you know distance yourself then and that person will realize and then maybe you can have a reason as to why it may be that way because it does have a big impact on everything that you do you even realize that even psychologists have said that they even tried dress like them they try and look like them whoever they're hanging around with because you know they want to mirror their friends they want to be part of a group a click whatever it may be because people want to feel like as if they belong a lot of the time a lot of these kind of people actually are very insecure as well you can have friends you can hang around in groups but don't forget to be an individual because that's when you stand out and that's when you have an impact and that's when you make a difference and that's when you can you know actually know what's right from wrong and actually be okay to you know to say it out loud when you faced with it so at the beginning of the show we were saying how to be a good friend how to choose your friends so can you start off by telling us how we can be a good friend well you did explain a bit about that I mean absolutely the truth or telling them want to do something wrong but what else I mean it there's a lot of things there's a lot of things that we have to address like you know at the end of the day we have we have to know that our character you know becomes you know part of our faith you know our in intellect and intelligence and at the same time you know we have the the sort of like the figures like we have the role models that we have of the imams and the reason why they were so great it wasn't just because of what they went through is because of their characters their virtues you know and they even won over people that were even against them because of the way in which they were and you know people always say it's so difficult to be you know a find good friends you just got to be a certain person and that will be drawn you know to you all those right people will be drawn to you because you will be that attraction because of you know you know being loyal is not about you know just standing by your friend no matter what they do right and wrong no it's about speaking truthfully it's about standing by them and giving support to them and not turning your back when they're in need for example not breaking relationships you know not holding back on you know being honest about certain advice advice is something I would not give because everyone's in their own journey even as a life coach we don't give advice but question them so that you have an understanding of what they're going through it's about really being empathetic and you know compassionate and also trying to you know like I said it's like parenting in a way you know you've got to give support and you don't turn your back on them when they're in time of most need because friends are always around hanging around when there's good times when there's you know birthday party and occasion which is a wedding but for example if someone's going through like you know a bad time whether they've lost someone or they've had you know a job that they have you know been let down on or they haven't had good results or they've even you know had a really bad financial turn and everyone just runs away so you know friends are the ones that stick by you and they're with you along the way and not just even if for example in the if there was a funeral and you've got friends coming in the first 10 days the front first 40 days and then it all kind of withers away but the feelings are still there the needs are still there so the odd call the odd conversation and now with social media friendships have now changed we've adapted to the fact that you know we just text messages to each other we have friends on Facebook that we've never ever spoken once on but yet we keep you know adding other people on so pick up the phone and just do a random call or a text message say when are you free we should meet up for coffee you know so change it to the old-fashioned way and have that real human connection so that you are really showing that you are there for them you know even in times beyond those 40 days beyond those times where you think that okay I'm there because you know they went went through something but then what about the rest of the months you know those feelings are still there and they do linger so those sort of friends are the ones you want to be connected with you know and you know that they're gonna stand by you and when they when you know you're not giving them anything back right you know there is nothing that you know they you know they taking from you or you're giving them that's how you are because they genuinely concerned about your well-being okay so that's the kind of friend we should strive to be and how about in terms of choosing friends as a life coach what do you mean choosing friends I think it's really important to have diversity because at the same time you influencing at the same time you're learning you're gonna be open you know and also to educate others that you know even if I'm in an environment at work or in school that I'm not gonna be you know you need to be strong enough to say no this is not how it's going to be or suggest something else and know that you can still withstand and withhold your own values and beliefs and have other people respect you for that you don't need to conform you don't need to follow you don't need to think that it's difficult to be in a society where it's not all of you know the same background as you in fact that's when you shine so you know make yourself shine and really choose people that you can have that with and you'll be surprised that a lot of people outside the community they want to know and they want to learn they they're curious and the more you have that you know impression on them the more you show that then that's how you change people's views and minds in the world and society and communities because you step by step are doing that outside your community you know we have these in interfaith you know sort of like meetings and things but you could do that I mean in Islam it says be kind to your neighbor it doesn't say black neighbor white neighbor you know your own background or culture neighbor it's just neighbor so whoever they are which just you know in a sense to me it's just common sense that it's got to be with everyone to be kind to be nice and be friends you know give them a lend you know a helping hand and you know show that you're available it doesn't mean that you only give charity to someone that's only from your country you know that's only from your background no you can help anyone you can do it for anyone and that is all goodness because there are so many people out there who don't have religion even they've got good morals Islam has both obviously you know in order to be a good Muslim friend a good Muslim person you have good morals good ethics you have the Islamic practical you know that you're doing as well as the righteousness within your mind and your actions so we combine it all that's how you got to see it as yourself to be a person as a good friend and then you know with those virtues and characteristics other people will sort of inspire to be like that and that's what you got to be like a role model yourself okay and I also hear a lot of things about friendship having positive energy or a person having a positive absolutely a person has negative negative yes negative energy towards you is there such a thing when it comes to your line of work do you see that absolutely people can drag you down and pull you up because not everyone has the same insight or the same you know wants and needs as you do so you know when you hang around certain people that are constantly complaining or negative that can bring you down unless you're strong enough to overcome that or you're working in my field and you hear all the negativity and you can still overcome it but generally speaking can bring you down so there is such a thing there is definitely such a thing and if you constantly like that your way of thinking becomes like that because it brings doubt it brings sort of like you know second-guessing so you know you need to be around people you know not to say that you have to have this you know powerful you know group or clan around you but they you know you need to know that these sort of people that you're with radiate positivity and they're uplifting you you know what is there what is you know they're sort of like you know impact on your on your life and there is an impact you know the way in which they live the choices that they make the places they visit the things that they do you know you're gonna be you know walking in the same footsteps you're gonna be doing the same things you know most of the time if you're hanging around with them so you know who's the stronger one is it them or you you following them because you know there's someone who is I don't know of a different category or different profession or a different class or whatever it may be and you want to follow them and you aspire to be them but what are they aspiring to is that something within your religion is that something within your faith is that something within your belief is that your value so you need to question a lot and what's the impact of that you know a lot of these choices that we take today even you know subconsciously unconsciously is because of the influences around us the environment and the people especially so it's really important to you know choose wisely and choose beyond just you know knowing that someone is important you know that has maybe for example money or influence and networking and yeah I want to hang around them is that really for you you know in the long term so you have to be careful in especially when you're adults because you can get stuck to somebody for many years and not realize it and it can affect your own home yeah shala like the friends that we choose not shala like inshallah we always strive to choose the best friends to motivate us and to support us in the right direction inshallah and inshallah we try to make ourselves the best friends we can be absolutely and thank you so much for enlightening us with yet another beautiful topic and we're going for a break now inshallah after the break we'll be answering some of your questions thank you and back soon salam alaikum and welcome back to making a house a home what today we're discussing friendship for him I have a couple of questions that have come in sure and the first question I have statements from summer because it's not really much of a question here and it says why do so many Muslim parents encourage their children to be friends from their own culture and religion when there are so many good people with high morals and can influence better than even people from their own background I mean you know we have to look at it from both sides you know it is important to have your own background and culture you know as friends because then you want to feel like you know you're doing things together especially as children you know when they're growing up and you know they want to feel like they're part of something then I think it's quite nice to have people that they can relate to and they can feel like it's normal to pray to fast to wear hijab for example and to have that surrounding so it's not a bad thing to have people from your own culture but to make it strictly just you know where it's just you know only from your own background that's when it becomes a problem because I think you know there are definitely good influences around and outside the background the cultures and it can make you stronger as a person because then you actually know yourself to say well I understand why we don't do certain things or I understand you know you know what's the reasons you know for doing things to be honest so in Islam it's you know friendships are important to come from all backgrounds because like we said before you know you're influencing as well as you're learning and but parents should be a little bit more open and as long as they're constantly in conversation with their own children and they need to know who their you know friends are because it's important because again when they're young they can go astray and they can be influenced in the wrong way and think that oh because everyone's doing it and things like that and there is you know a concern but again you know in your own household you have to be very strong as to how you bring it up and teaching Islam you have to bring you know the real reasons and the meaning and the purpose and obviously it's different again with someone that's really young to someone that's a teenager but that's why it needs consistency you don't just tell them when they're young and think oh yeah they've won a job now at the age of you know nine or something and that's we just leave them because they're still going through so many stages and phases and they're facing so much things so meeting so many new people and facing a lot of you know different challenges along the way so you need to constantly remind them constantly talk to them constantly make them understand that you understand that the feelings of you know being in certain societies being in certain environments being in certain situations it's going to be a bit difficult it's going to be challenging because not everything is going to be allowed not everything can be done but you know if you address it well they'll be confident to say well we don't really celebrate Christmas but we have two aides for example yeah we have two celebrations you know you can spin it around and you can make it something good so um I do understand the concern of just only having your own background and doing all of that but then you know we're gonna have to go out into the old the whole you know wide wide world yeah you know so it's good to train them from a young age and to catch them from a young age so you can see also what are they actually being attracted to because again it shows their personality which you don't see if they are you know going to be going towards certain you know types of friends and you can address it when they're young and change those habits if need be so it's it's really important to be a little bit more diverse and just not to stick to their own okay thanks um and Sarah asks uh people change over time and your friends can get less in numbers or just become less close yet the type of friendships are changing because of social media and having a negative impact on human so how do you maintain and keep friends well firstly you just got to go back in time and say how do you make friends have conversations talk pick up the phone meet up you know really connect with people go to them in the times where they least expect like I said if there was something that they were going through and you know everyone turns up at the same time you know at the beginning so you also turn up when those days have passed you know keep it going basically I know we all have busy lives we have families we have our own things happening because but we're all going to be in those situations we all live in glass houses you know we're all gonna you know experience some sort of cracks and falls and you know breakage and we all need them so don't think that oh my life is so busy and I'm just you know I don't have time for this you know that's also a bother is to go out there and you know give someone you know a smile you know make them happy and you know show them that you care and you're concerned and you know take that time out we can do it it is definitely possible so to be you know in the social media gathering and use that as an advantage not a bad thing everyone says the social media is so bad it's the way you use it you know you can reach out to connect but then take it further don't just leave it as you know with that just one message say you know tell me when you're free let's meet up then if you're going to communicate via that but don't just leave it as oh how are you and have a full on conversation and that's it and never meet never connect never really have that human you know interaction yeah so I think that's really important and vital and can I just pick up on what you said about the being there for someone is abhada yeah I've always felt that way actually that being there for for human beings generally they're just friends is the best form about abhada and we do tend to forget that don't we forget we forget those simple things and you know we know we have to do our daily you know prayers and whatever else that you know which is filed upon us but it's the little things that we take the extra time to do really counts more and it actually builds your character it takes you out of your own world as well and you can be grateful you can be accepting you can be appreciative even more so when you're actually helping someone else and that's what makes you a great person a great friend yeah um and I have a question from Zoha and she asks she asks in a working environment socializing with colleagues is part of networking and you build business when you meet up and create friendships however it can be challenging to stick to your religious principles and maintain the friendship when they may drink alcohol during these social events yeah no of course yes of course in in in work environments it's definitely a challenge but again you know you have to make different suggestions you have to also you know a voice the way you feel and um it depends you know in a lot of companies nowadays in very big companies they are very supportive of you know you being a certain way and you know they actually respect you for being yourself like a lot of you know girls wearing hijabs are working in top 500 companies they're you know they're solicitors they're you know consultants and they do make an impact but I know on the whole it is very very demanding and you have to socialize in places and you know be outside in in areas and you know place that you wouldn't want and you have to gauge for yourself as to how far you can go and sometimes to just maybe not put yourself in that situation and Allah will give you another form of it happening and being that way so that you know because you're doing it out of your principle out of your values that if you think you're missing out we can't go to every party we can't go to and see every event anyways so you know you can work around maybe saying a lunch dinner a lunch a lunch date for example instead of a dinner date so that you know that it's not going to be late for example and it might not have probably alcohol maybe people don't drink during the day as much as they drink during the night for example or they might choose a venue where it's a more like a lunch in a brunch so that they won't be going to a pub for example you know all these things you have to gauge you have to be creative you have to innovate you have to say well you know I would appreciate if you know we would go here for example let's try something new if you don't want to be so upfront about it as well so it is very testing definitely and but I think when you stand out as an individual and you say it and do it in the right way you can actually gain more respect you know because you are following your way just like if a person says I don't believe in anything you know people accept that so why can't they accept the opposite you know you get a lot of English people or non-muslims I call them English people all the time the non-muslims who are vegan or vegetarian and they say you know I'm not going to go to this restaurant because they don't want to see me I eat or there's a lot of non-muslims who don't drink alcohol so it doesn't have to necessarily be you don't need to conform you don't have to say it's my religion just say I choose not to yeah exactly you don't have to label it but this is not your preference this is not what you're comfortable in you can make other suggestions as well you can maybe take charge and say well there's a better venue out there which will suit everyone and you can give your reasons for that you know in a business way you know because it's probably more likely to be less rowdy or you know less busy whatever it could be you can choose but yeah it is challenging but there's no such thing as not coming around it if you really want to exactly you know most of the time people put themselves in situations go into sort of you know areas and places that they wouldn't normally go to and use it as an excuse that it's work but they actually want to go anyway so you know you've got to look at it in that way too yeah if you really didn't want to go I think there was you've come up with a million reasons for not to absolutely yeah um and I have a question from Manar and she asks how can you still be friends with someone who has changed their ways like now they have become less concerned about practicing their faith and living a very different life than before so I'm finding it really difficult because I feel we do not connect as much as we used to but I don't want to lose our friendship okay we need to analyze now um are we you know sort of being friends with people because they're like us um we have to sort of analyze are we only with certain people because we know we get something from them or are we giving them something so you got to know the type of person you are and some people you rely on to uplift you to sort of help you through your religion to help you through your day to help you through your practices and yes that changes over time but you need to be an individual understanding that everyone is not going to be on the same level as you as every time and they're going to have their different opinions they're going to have their different ways of living they're going to change but friendships are not based upon them being like you all the time and giving you what you want all the time we have to also know that it's about you being there for them and you also being accepting even if it's against what you believe in then you distance yourself if you can't influence and the fact that you still care for this person and you're in the situation then maybe it's an opportunity it's an opportunity to dig deeper to ask more meaningful understanding questions and if they diverting into an area or you know into some sort of lifestyle that you're not you know happy about then you can step away there's nothing wrong in that and you don't have to be oh i'm doing that because you know you're not praying anymore for example or whatever it may be because no one's better than anyone we don't know if we're going to be accepted in any sort of way but she's asking that she wants to she wants to keep the friendship yes you can keep that friendship but it's going to change everything changes and you know if that person chooses a certain path they have to also understand there's consequences for it you know everything that we choose we have freedom of choice we have free will but there are consequences for it so that might make her continue because she's got new friends or it might make her come back because she's losing her own friends you don't know which direction it goes you just got to be the best you can be you still got to be supportive you still got to be out there you know reaching out but you can't expect people to be like you as friends that's another very important thing we want us all to be the same dress the same eat the same go out the same have the same likes no we've got to be accepting of the differences and it goes far beyond even just you know being outside the religion if they have a different religion and oh we think that now we're the same religion we're going to do everything the same and that's what keeps us good friends no everyone's different and we've got to accept those differences and you know even people don't like to be with friends if they have a different opinion and if one friend likes one friend and gets along and if the other one you know has to conform and do you have the same sort of relationship it doesn't work like that you know you can't be like those sort of friends you need to know that you know to be supportive to be understanding and if that person does not remind you and is not there for you for your purpose in life then yeah you have to sort of distance yourself and you have to walk away sometimes and you can still be there but there's different forms there's different ways of being there for somebody doesn't mean you might you might not hang around as much as before you might not have the same opinions but that's okay you know friendships come in different forms in different ways and there are people that have friendships over years and they only pick up after months and they can you know and they can be fine they can pick up from where they left off or there's friendships that feel that they need that constant conversation and phone calls and those hourly talks you know on a daily basis but doesn't work all the time and it can't remain the same all the time so it's okay it's okay whatever your friends going through you're still their friend you know it might change a little bit it might you know alter how it used to be but if it's not beneficial to you it's not a bad thing so you know be brave you know you can obviously if it's a good enough and close enough friends you know you can be open about how you're feeling and sometimes just be careful how you say it though you don't want to hurt somebody and you don't want to judge someone either you can have you don't have a right to always have an opinion and you can't judge we don't know if we're good and we're bad even if we're doing the right things how do we know it's accepted for you to even judge someone else so you know just just take it you know as it comes and don't lose the friendship there's no need to lose the friendship it's just a different type it's a different relationship now and you can actually even grow maybe stronger from it okay that's all we don't have any more questions for today and thank you for answering the questions and inshallah our viewers have benefited from everything that Bihima has said today and that's the end of our show inshallah we'll be back next week with another topic and thank you so much if you've been affected by the following topics raised in this episode please contact your local GP or for Hira Muhammad on coachfm1athotmail.com