 The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Here's a very funny thing. There was more conversation about Junior's diet and what he ate for breakfast. Then it turned out that the husband, the head of the house, the big provider, if you want to get mercenary about it, never ate breakfast at all. Now that's all wrong. Dietitians tell us that we all need an adequate breakfast and one that includes cereals with whole grain nourishment. That means cereals like swell tasting Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes. Both are basic seven foods with whole grain food values so they're chock-a-block full of nourishment and boy are they good to eat. Mm-mm. They're zest in every moldy rich mouthful. Grape Nuts, crisp and crunchy. Grape Nuts Flakes and Toasty Brown Flake Form. So eat a good breakfast folks and you'll do a better job and help yourself to plenty of Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes. They're good. Starting from the Marine Corps Air Station in the Mojave Desert and this week they're celebrating the 168th anniversary of the founding of the Marine Corps. So without further ado, we bring you a man Jack, did they get you? No, no Don, I'm all right. Good. For a minute I thought they spoiled my opening speech. No don't be ridiculous Don, they weren't shooting at me. Go ahead with the introduction. Ladies and gentlemen as this is the 168th anniversary of the founding of the Marine Corps. Without further ado, we bring you a man. Jack, did they get you this time? Don, don't be silly. I told you they weren't shooting at me. Now go ahead. Okay. So without further ado, we bring you a man with two holes in his hat, Jack Benny. Again, this is Jack Benny talking and Don, what just happened was purely accidental. You see the boys are having their aerial target practice. I was getting tired of wearing this straw hat anyway. Well boys, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here on the week of your 168th anniversary, the day which commemorates the founding of the Marine Corps. Don, it is a little dangerous around here. Will you please close the window? Okay, Jack. As I start to say fellas, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here on your 168th anniversary. Please pull down the shade. And while you're at it, you better go over and close the screen door. But Jack, a screen door won't stop the bullets. I know, but it'll sift out the big ones. Wait, Don, this is a nice camp even if it is a bit noisy. It's very picturesque out here in the Mojave Desert. Yes, it's a romantic spot too, Jack. You know, just a little way from here is the famous Golden Queen Goldmine. Oh really? Yes, Jack. They only recently, they took out eight million dollars worth of gold. Imagine that. Well, of course right now they're not operating it and all that gold is just lying around. Is that so? Well, I'd probably get excited about her if I was the type that was interested in gold. Anyway, Don, there are more important things to talk about. You see, this being the week of the 168th anniversary of the Marine, we're going to, he's got that bullet on a yo-yo. Let's cut the string and go on with the program. You know, Don, one thing I like about playing these different camps is, oh, oh hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Oh boy, am I winded. Mary, what's the matter with you? Why are you so out of breath? Well, I just came over here from the PX. The PX? Well, that's, that's just a short walk from here. I know, but it's a fast run with 150 marines chasing it. Now, Mary, don't be silly. Marines don't chase after girls. Oh, no. No. Since when are large butterfly nets part of their equipment? Look, Mary, you've got nothing to worry about. The boys here are nice bunch of fellas. They're just a little playful, that's all. You're not kidding. They wanted me to play hide and seek with them. They told me to hide and they try and find me. Well, why didn't you play with them? You used to enjoy that game when you were a kid. Yeah, but when I was a kid, we didn't play finders keepers. Oh, oh, oh. Well, anyway, Mary, you got away from those marines, didn't you? Yeah. Oh, Livingston, you fool girl, you. Well, don't worry about it, Mary. Maybe next time you'll stumble. I did this time and they picked me up and gave me another head start. All right. All right, forget about it. Anyway, I'm glad you're here. I want to get this program off to a good start because this is the marines, hundred and sixty-eight. Say, Jack, how'd you get those holes in your hat? What happened? Oh, it was nothing, Mary. Some of the boys were having aerial target practice and probably mistook me for a target. It was just a quirk of circumstances. Gee, that's awful. Ha, ha, ha. What are you laughing at? As a result of quirk, bullet hits jerk. Mary, stop being so clever. Those are the kind of jokes that went out with Fred Allen. Boy, am I glad he's through with radio. I knew he'd be washed up. But Jack, I read in the paper yesterday that Allen's coming back on the air. So did I. No. When is he coming back? About the middle of December. Well, he ought to be ashamed of himself, spoiling everybody's Christmas. Heaven bless you, fellas. Imagine that guy. Stop turning white. I'm not turning white. It just burns me up, that's all. And stop turning red. Oh, quiet. I just can't understand Allen getting another chance in radio. Now, wait a minute, Jack. After all, there are lots of people who'd rather listen to Fred Allen's program than yours. Oh, they, uh, they would, eh? Yes. Done. There's an old Chinese proverb that says, when big fat announcer open big fat mouth, he soon find big fat salary, A-W-O-L. And I have a good mind to pay you one week so you'll know what I mean. You've been with me long enough to realize how I feel about them. Pick up your hat. Listen, sister, I'm not stooping over till things quiet down. I don't know why they have target practice right in the... Well, look who's here. Hiya, Jackson. All right, boys. It's like I got to do it anyway. Applause me, man. Applause me. Applause you. Applause me. Well, Bill, I'm glad you finally got here. You can help us celebrate the Marine's 168th birthday. 168 years old? Them kids! Well, I don't mean individually. They're 168 years old as they stand as a group. Well, brother, at that age you gotta stand in a group or your landing gear will fold up. Well, have you got your own rider or is he paying you to keep it quiet? No kidding. Didn't you ever go to school? What for? Going to school's just a lot of red tape so you can eat your lunch away from home. Now look, Phil. Don't mind me, boys. I'm just standing here because I'm beautiful. I'm sorry, Mary. Oh, hello, Mary. Say some of the Marines out here are mad at you. What did you do? Oh, the boys aren't really mad. I just wouldn't play hide and seek with them. Well, they sure seem to have it in for you. Oh, Phil, don't be ridiculous. Well, all I know is there's a sign outside of one of them buildings that says Infirmary. That's infirmary. Don't drive me nuts all together. Just walk over to the bandstand and give us a... Missed me. Boy, you said that you had a cigar in your mouth. Oh, yes, play, Phil. It was a good one, too. A ten-center, you know that? In which the listeners lost. I noticed you were able to lead your orchestra tonight. Your arm isn't stiff anymore. Yeah, for three days I couldn't bend it, but it's all right now. The doctor fixed it up. Oh, what was it? Nothing. I had my baton up my sleeve and didn't know it. Well, it must have been awful not to be able to bend your elbow. Yeah, I nearly died of thirst. Well, I should never have said bend your elbow, that I knew. Well, I'm glad you're okay. And now, folks... Say, Jack, I'm meant to ask you something. How'd you make out at the gold mine? Gold mine? What gold mine? Why, Jack, you know, the golden queen mine. I told you about just a few minutes ago. Oh, yes, yes, there is a gold mine here, but let's get on with the program. I'm not interested in it, you know. Stop kidding. You didn't bring that pick up here just to crack ice. Mary, that's not a pick. Well, your tie pin certainly has a long handle on it. Mary, please believe me. I'm not interested in that gold mine. Now, let's... Let's... Now, let's get out with the show. Jackson, what are you so sore about? I saw you sneaking into that mine this morning. I thought it was an air raid shelter and shut up. Your orchestra was rehearsing. I had to go someplace. And now, fellas, since this is the 168th anniversary of your... Oh, Jack. What? Cigars back in your mouth. Well, I've had enough of this. I'm going to put a stop to it right now. Oh, Colonel Adams... What is it, Mr. Benny? Colonel Adams, believe me, I... I hate to be a tattletale. All right. I hate to be a tattletale, but your boys are having aerial target practice and three or four times I've almost been hit. Well, I can't understand it, Mr. Benny. They're shooting according to the written rules. I'm not concerned about the boys who are shooting according to the rules, but that guy who's ad-libbing has me worried sick. But I appreciate how you feel, Mr. Benny, and I'll go right out and tell them to stop it. Well, I hate to put you that trouble, Colonel Adams. Are you sure they'll do as you ask? Oh, I think they will. Those pilots like to humor me. I see. Well, I'll certainly appreciate it if you'll... For heaven's sake, Colonel, will you please hurry out there and tell them? Why don't I pick up my hat? Thank you, Colonel. Boy, I'm glad I left my hat off, although I hate to spoil their fun. And now, fellas... Oh, Jack, pick up your hair. I'm glad the Colonel's gonna put a stop to this. And now, fellas, you may not know it, but since this is the week of the 168th anniversary... Hello, Mr. Benny. ...of the... Oh, hello, Dennis. Well, kid, it's about time you got here. What's been keeping you? Oh, I've been down to that place you told me not to mention. And boy, is it full of gold. Dennis, I don't even know what you're talking about. And now, fellas... You told me if I brought back two buckets full, I could keep the handles for myself. Dennis, I told you I don't know what you're talking about. And now, fellas... You even put your arm around me when you talk me into it. Dennis, will you please be quiet? Gee, you're fickle. What an imagination that kid's got. Oh, Jack, why do you keep denying that you're trying to work that mind? Mary, I'm not working anything. I told you I thought it was an air raid shelter. Then what was Dennis digging for? For exercise. Well, he brought back two buckets full. All right, bucket full, bucket full. And as pretty as sight as you've ever seen. Nice gold and nuggets. Each one a treasure in itself. Dennis, will you please stop talking about gold? Gold? I'm talking about grape nuts flakes. Oh, oh, oh. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, their toasty brown sweet is a nut and have that molly rich flavor. Burns me up after all of mine. Does look like an air raid shelter. Say, Mr. Benny... Grape nuts flakes bring you whole grain food values and are not rationed. Whole grain, whole grain, whole grain. And grape nuts flakes are a thrifty buy in the big 12 ounce economy size package. Say, Mr. Wilson... You said it, Don. And now, fellas... Say, Mr. Livingston... This being the 168th anniversary... Jack, what about that gold mine? Mary, stop interrupting Don. And now, fellas... Don't mind me. I'm just standing here because I'm pretty. Dennis, you're standing there because in a few minutes you'll be doing a song in honor of the 168th anniversary... Oh, Mr. Benny. Yes, Colonel Adam. You needn't worry about that target practice anymore. From now on, there'll be no more shooting. Good, good. There'll just be trial runs with our speed planes. Oh, just speed planes. Well, that's fine. Thank you, Colonel Adams. I'm glad you... It goes one now. Oh, yes, yes. Those planes are fast, aren't they? Gee, you can hardly tell. See them. Well, thanks. Thanks very much, Colonel Adams. You're welcome. Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny, before I go, would you do something for me? Yes, anything at all. As a little favor to the Marines, would you please mention that this is the week of their 168th anniversary? I'll see if I can squeeze it in. Goodbye, Colonel. Goodbye. All right, Dennis, let's have your song now. Okay, Mr. Benny. And sing it with a lot of feeling because... Because I have a lot of friends in the audience. I wish they wouldn't fly so low, really. My mouth's full of nuggets. How much can he eat? Jack, there's a marine at the door. Oh, oh, yes. Mr. Benny? Yes. I'm Miss Sergeant Gillis. Oh, how are you? How do you do, Sergeant Gillis? My job is to see that you're well taken care of during your visit here. Now, is there anything special you'd like for dinner? Well, um, let me see. Could you hurry it up, Mr. Benny? I got to go around and ask all the Marines what they'd like for dinner. Hey, well, that's nice. What do the boys usually order? Oh, some of them order crepe sousettes. Others prefer filet mignon saute with wine sauce. I see. And there are those who are partial to baked pheasant under glass. And after you get the orders, you give them to the chief cook? No, first I give them to the interpreter. I see. And after the interpreter gives them to the cook, what do the boys finally get? Well, well... Think now, think. What do the boys finally get? Well... Uh-uh. No coaching from the audience, please. Let's see. I'm sorry your time is up. What is this, anyway? I've got a man here in the third row, doctor. What? And I was like, you really wanted to see me about. Well, I'm also on the camp newspaper, Mr. Benny. And I wanted to... Oh, by the way, I meant to ask you. On your trip overseas, did you happen to run across a cousin of mine in North Africa? A cousin? Well, I don't know. He's a corporal. Oh, his name doesn't start with a C, does it? No, with a K. Good. Crowley. He cracks his knuckles. Knuckles a lot. Funny you didn't hear me. I know, I know, I know. But look, Sergeant Gillis, you said you wanted to see me about something. Now what is it? Well, as I said, I'm on the paper here, and I'd like to get your reaction to our camp. Did you visit the Golden Queen mine? Yes, I did happen to drop in there by chance. In fact, I... I saw a bit of it. You mean you left a bit of it. Mary, stop making things up. If I was digging for gold, where are my blisters? Mr. Benny, if you're looking for them, I got them. Now, wait a minute, kids. I've had just about enough. Answer the phone, Mary. Okay. Hello? Home is lives in this Rochester. You don't have to keep it a secret anymore. We know. All right, all right. So you know, with all the trouble I have, it's a wonder I'm not gray. Give me that phone. Hello? Rochester, my sponsor and I are good friends, and stop wasting valuable time. So you found some gold nuggets, eh? Yes, sir. This place is loaded with morgan thought. Good. Now, get to work. But I gotta stop digging once in a while. My hands are cold, and I can't get them warm. You can't? No, you shouldn't have sewed up my pockets, boys. That is because I wanted to help you resist temptation. Why don't you let me and temptation slug it out on even terms? Because I know you'd throw the fight. Now, listen, Rochester. Just a second, boys. Dig over there, will you, honey? Yes, sir. Have you got a girl down there? Rochester, have you got a girl down there? Empty your pockets, honey. This may be television. Rochester, answer me. Who's down there with you? It's my sweetie. She's helping me dig. Well, I'll be... Rochester, how did you get your girl to go down in the mine? I called you, boys. I told her it was a tunnel of gold. Well, look, Rochester, keep digging for another 12 hours, then you can call it a day. I'll see you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boys. Now what? I hope you won't be mad at me, but while I was digging for that gold, I had a piece of bad luck. What was it? I struck oil. Oh, Donna, well, look, Rochester, just use the oil to wash over the gold and wash off the gold and cheer up. Goodbye. Goodbye. Good old Rochester. One thing about Rochester, he's always willing to work. But Mr. Benny, what is it, Sergeant Gillis? You can't take that gold away from here. Well, that's federal property. It belongs to Uncle Sam. It does? Well, that's swell. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Play, Phil. Never a day goes by, but what we read in the papers about food shortages and rising prices and many a harried homemaker is looking around for the answers. Well, fortunately indeed, cereals are plentiful, not rationed, and frifty. So plan to serve more cereals, such as delicious grape nuts and grape nut flakes. Both of these tempting, molly-rich cereals provide whole grain food values. That makes each one a basic seven food. Well, Uncle Sam's nutrition program features cereals with whole grain nourishment as a daily must. Grape nuts and grape nut flakes provide some of the food essentials of meat, cheese, and other rationed foods. So when you serve these two luscious cereals, you're giving your family pleasure plus profit. Grand eating and grand nourishment. Grape nuts and grape nut flakes are each a thrifty buy. Get some tomorrow. Delicious, nutritious, economical, and a real treat. Congratulations on your 168th birthday, fellas. So long, everybody.