 Lucky Strike presents the Jack Benny program, but first here's an important message from the National Tobacco Tax Research Council. Everyone likes to talk about the high taxes he pays, but you cigarette smokers have a right to do some special fancy talk in yourself, because you cigarette smokers give nearly two billion dollars a year in cigarette taxes. Every time you buy cigarettes, you give your federal government eight cents a pack, and most of you get three or four cents more to city and state governments. That adds up to a better than 50% tax on every cigarette you smoke. Yes, in buying cigarettes over half your packs, go for tax. And now the Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, get better taste, be happy, go lucky, get better taste today. Friend seeing is believing, and you can see for yourself clearly and beyond any doubt that luckies are made better to taste better. Just take a lucky from a newly opened pack, and remove the paper by carefully tearing a narrow strip straight down the seam from end to end. In tearing, be very careful not to loosen or dig into the tobacco. Then gently lift out that cylinder of fine, mild tobacco. Now in exactly the same way, remove the tobacco from any other cigarette. Compare it with a perfect cylinder of fine, mild tobacco taken from the lucky. See how round and firm and fully packed the lucky is with long strands of fresh, clean, good tasting tobacco. See how free the lucky is of excessive air spaces, hot spots that burn harsh and dry. There is your proof that luckies are made better to taste better, to taste fresh and clean and smooth. And remember in a cigarette, it's the taste that makes the difference, and luckies taste better. So to enjoy the fresh, clean taste of fine tobacco, be happy, go lucky, make your next carton lucky strike. Strike program starring Jack Benny with Murray Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Dane, yours truly, Don. Ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills. At the moment, our little star is shaving. My beard feels kind of tough this morning. I wish this was April 1st, so I'd put in a new blade. I wonder, I wonder how I would look with sideburns. Charles Boyer has sideburns. I can just see myself taking a beautiful girl in my arms and saying, like Boyer, my darling, come with me to the cash drawer. I mean, maybe I ought to just shave and forget it. Hey, that must be Mary. I don't know why I want sideburns anyway. That fellow on television who calls himself the continental, he doesn't have them. Boy, is he romantic. That's the type I am, the continental. Do not be afraid, darling. It is only a man's apartment. Jackson, open up your baby blues. Oh, it's you, Phil. Oh, say, Phil, who am I imitating? We'll do it again. Do not be afraid, darling. It is only a man's apartment. Barry Leonie. Look, Phil, I'm in the midst of shaving, so if you want to talk to me, come in the bathroom. Okay, where's Rochester? He went to the market. Hey, Phil, what are you doing here so early anyway? Alice threw me out of the house. Again? It was my fault this time, Jackson. You see, I... Just a minute, Phil. Wait a minute. Where's my razor? Oh, here it is. Phil, why did Alice throw you out of the house? Oh, I don't know. They were having a parent-teachers meeting. You know, all the mothers and teachers were there, and they were deciding to make some sort of an outing for the kids in the third grade. They call it a nature study. Oh, yes, that's one of those hikes up in the hills. Well, they should have told me. Why? When they said they wanted to study nature, I suggested the Burbank Thid. A burlesque show? Well, I don't blame her for throwing you out of the house. Yeah, I don't know why I always... Well, I wish you wouldn't stand behind me while I'm shaving. Why? Every time I see the reflection of your eyes in the mirror, I think I cut myself. I'll move, I'll move. Oh, there's somebody at the door. Oh, I'll get it, Jackson. Oh, hello, Phil. Do not be afraid, darling. It's only a man's apartment. What is that? I don't know. That's the way the answer to the door around here. Hey, come on in, Livy. Jackson will be through in a minute. He's shaving. Hey, look at you. That's a cute little dress you're wearing. Well, I'm glad you like it, Phil. I knit it at myself. It sure fits you beautiful. The way it shows off your figure. I mean, it clings so snug around the hips. And, hey, wait a minute. You said you made that dress. How come there's a price tag on it? I put that on myself. I wanted something for Jack to notice, too. What are you doing over here so early? Well, they were having a parent teacher's meeting over at the house. And Alice threw you out. How'd you know? I took a wild guess. Well, I'm all through with my shaving. Oh, hello, Mary. Where did you get that $45 dress? You see, Phil, I told you. Told him what? Nothing, nothing. Hey, Jackson, that's a new suit you're wearing, ain't it? Yep, and I got a bargain, too. You know, walk up one flight and save $10. Where'd you buy that one, on top of old smoky? Well, for a fellow who was thrown out of the house this morning, you're certainly... Hello? Hello, is this Jack Benny? Yes. Well, Mr. Benny, my wife and I are having a big argument, and you can help us settle it. Copy a look magazine and your picture's on the cover. That's right. How old are you? 39. 39? Yes. You win, Mabel. Them wrinkles must be in the paper. I don't know, since I had my picture on look, I've gotten a lot of phone calls. Yeah, and I know what you go through, Jackson. You're not the only one who's had his picture on the cover of a magazine. Well, Phil, I've never seen your picture on a cover. Neither have I. Well, that's because you kids don't subscribe to the monthly manual of the Amalgamated Society of the City Planning and Construction Engineers. Phil, Phil, your picture's on the cover of the monthly manual of the Amalgamated Society of City Planning and Construction Engineers. Yeah, and I got a copy of it right here in my pocket. I'll show it to you. See? Phil, that's a picture of the new freeway. Yeah, but look who's laying against the curb. Well, if that's you, this picture certainly has an appropriate caption. Landmarks of Los Angeles. Yeah. How anybody can brag? Here I am, boss, back from the market. Oh, good, good. Hello, Rochester. Hello, Miss Livingston. Mr. Harris. Hi, Chester. Hey, do you want to check off the list? Yes, Rochester. I'll check them off as you put them on the table. OK. Two large cans of. Two large cans of. Two small cans of. Two small cans of. Three mediums. Three medium cans of. Four large cans of. Four large cans of. Wait a minute. What kind of checking off is that? Two large cans of. Three small cans of. Cans of what? What are you going to say? Imagine buying canned goods without labels on them. When we sit down to dinner, it's like a mystery program. Hope for dessert. Everything. Imagine buying canned goods without labels on them. Isn't that silly, Phil? I wouldn't know. I'm a boxer. Put the things away. OK, boss. And I've bought you a new pair of woolen mittens. What's that for, Jackson? Well, as soon as I get a chance, I'm going up to Big Bear to do some more skiing. You know, Mary went up with me a few weeks ago. Well, Jackson, I didn't know you could ski. Are you kidding? I've been skiing for years. Of course, I haven't got perfect form. In fact, the last time I came down the slide, took off and sailed through the air. I did flap my arms a little too much. A little too much? A duck hunter took a shot at you. Duck hunter, duck hunter. You'd still be out there for your fever, hadn't brought you back. Oh, don't be so smart. If we go up in the snow again next week, I'll show you how good the... Come in. Well, Don, Dennis, come on in. Go ahead, Dennis. You go first. Oh, no, no, Don, you go first. Oh, you go first, Dennis. No, no, Don, I'd rather you go first. Look, fellas. Dennis, please go first. No, Don, I insist that you go first. Oh, for heaven's sake, what's the matter with you guys? Why are you so polite to each other? We both have two shows. The silliest thing I ever heard. Now, come on in. Glory, does that outfit bring out the curves? The way it clings around the hips. Oh, you notice it too, eh, Dennis? Yeah, Mr. Benny's wearing a new suit. You very much. Now, Dennis, before you get too silly, let me hear the song you're gonna do on the program. Okay, oh, by the way, Mr. Benny, where'd you get that suit on top of old Smokey? Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Phil Harris just said that. Well, that's funny. At rehearsal, I had the joke. What happened? I don't know how anything happened. Just sing your song. I've got something I want you to hear. It's a very clever commercial. In a minute, Don. Say, Dennis, your song was so good that if you promise not to annoy me, I got a nice surprise for you. A surprise? Yes, next week, Mary and I may go skiing up in Big Bear. And if you're a good boy, we'll take you with us. That's right, Dennis. Gee, up in the snow? Yeah. Have you ever been up to Big Bear kid? Well, I haven't, but a few weeks ago, my mother went up there on a hunting trip. Did she get anything? No, but she took a shot at a blue-eyed duck. Oh, she did, eh? Yeah, and she couldn't understand it. Her retrieva came back with a toupee. Dennis, that duck your mother thought she was shooting at was me. Oh. Now, Don, what's on your mind? Well, Jack, I have to leave. So I want you to hear a very clever commercial I plan. Okay, go ahead. Oh, pardon me, Don. Hello? Who's calling? Sam's supermarket? He did? Oh, well, thanks. Thanks very much. Oh, Rochester. Yes, the clerk at the market called said that when you were there, you left one large can of on the counter. Well, certainly, it might be something we like. Now, Don. Don, what is this clever idea that you... Oh, say, boss. Now what? We're going to have to get a puppy. Why? The last can I opened up was ideal dog food. Dog food. What's this idea of yours that you think is so clever? Well, Jack, since everybody's talking about the Academy Awards last Thursday night, I made up a wonderful commercial about them. You did? Yes, and in it, I very cleverly worked in the names of the pictures and the stars who were up for Academy Awards. Well, Don, this better be subtle. Oh, it is, Jack. It is. Just listen to this. If you're feeling blue and want to find your place in the sun, smoke a lucky strike. Hmm. You may have this yen for a lucky strike on a train or in a bus, or even on a street car. You may get this desire. Don. Don. So whether you're an African queen or an American in Paris, be like Frederick. March to the nearest store and buy lucky. Look, Don. Yes, luckies are smoked everywhere in all resorts, especially in Florida, where shelly winters. Where shelly winters? Don, how clever can you get? I've personally told all the Academy Award nominees that I love luckies. I told Arthur Kennedy. I told Montgomery Cliff. I even told Marlon that they're my favorite brandos. Now, Don, just a minute. So next time your wife or girlfriend offers you a lucky strike, smoke it and Oscar for another. That's it! I'm trying to sell lucky strikes. The next time you come in with such a corny idea, I'm going to grab you by the seat of the pants. Jack. And throw you right out of... Jack, Jack, relax. Control yourself. Huh? Don was only trying to help. I guess you're right, Mary. Don, I'm sorry I flew off the handle. Why? That I'm sorry I flew off the handle. Well, that's normal for a duck. Now, cut that out! Dennis, this is your last warning. If you open your mouth again, I'm going to hit you over the head with a large can of. A large can of what? If he knew, he wouldn't be so liberal with it. Well, Jack, Jack, I want to apologize for upset you, but I thought you'd like an Academy Award commercial because you were there Thursday night. What's that got to do with it? Of course I was there, and I took Mary with me. Yes, but it's the last time I'll ever go with you. What? Why, Mary, what happened? Well... Mary. Quiet, Jack. I'm going to tell him. Well, Don, last Thursday evening, Jack picked me up at my house. We drove down to Hollywood, parked the car, and we were walking to the pantheon. You know, Mary, I should have had Rochester drop us off at the theater before we parked the car. Oh, it's only a short walk, Jack, and besides, I want to talk to you. What about? Well, you've been taking me to the Academy Awards for many years now, and tonight, when you go up to congratulate the winning actor, do me a favor. What? Just shake his hand. Don't say, lucky for you, I didn't make a picture this year. When did I ever say that? You started with William S. Hart. I did not. Say, Jack, I want to step into this drugstore and get some cough drops. Have we got time? Oh, sure. Well, let's see, where's the drug counter? Right over there. Don't worry, Mary, we have plenty of time. Aren't you, bud? Long time, no see. Huh? Oh, hello. Come on, Mary. Uh, Jack, wasn't that... Yes, that tout from Santa Anita. I always run into her. Say, Mary, they have a fountain here. I think I'll get a cup of coffee. Would you like some? No, no, you go ahead. Okay. When you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back to you. But... But... Huh? Come here a minute. Who, me? Yeah, yeah. Where you going? Over to the fountain. What are you going to get? Coffee. Uh-uh. What? Get milk. But I want coffee. Coffee hasn't got a chance. Why not? Wet grounds. I don't care. I'm going to get coffee. Don't be a sucker. Take milk. Why milk? Look at the breeding. The breeding? Yeah. Milk is on a cow by squeeze. I don't care. I don't want milk. Oh, look, bud, if you don't let it get around, I got something really good. What? Obaltine. Why ovaltine? It's a sleeper. Well, maybe I'll... Hey, wait a minute. I know what I'm going to get. What? Cameraman. Yeah. I'm going to get tea. Why tea? Because tea is in the bag. Hey, it's your dough so long. So long? What a guy. I always run into... Okay, Jack, I'm ready if you are. Fine, Mary, let's go. Did you enjoy your coffee? I didn't have any. Why not? I didn't like the odds. Oh, come on, Mary, here's the theater. Gee, the lobby's crowded. Yeah, everybody in pictures seems to be here. Boy, these Academy Awards are really something. Look who's here. Danny Kay, Betty Davis, Marlon Brando. And there's Irene Dunn and Joan Crawford. Arthur Kennedy. Gene Autry. Everybody is. Look, Jack, there's a radio commentator doing a broadcast right in the middle of the lobby. Let's go over and listen. Oh, yeah. And so tonight, everybody who is anybody in Hollywood is gathered here for the annual Academy Awards. Ladies and gentlemen, I shall do my best to bring you some of these celebrities. Oh, here come some famous actors walking by. I'll see if I can get them to say a few words. Mr. Jimmy Cagney, would you please say a few words over the air? I'm very happy to be here tonight. And I'm sure this is going to be another great occasion. Thank you, Mr. Cagney. Gee, Mary, remember Cagney and Yankee Doodle Bandy? Yeah. And now coming up to the microphone is Mr. Lionel Barrymore. This is really a great night for Hollywood. And I know that the ones who win the award will deserve it. Thank you, Mr. Barrymore. Gee, he's a great actor. And here we have Mr. Edward G. Robinson. Hey, Mr. Robinson, would you say a few words? Sure. I'm very happy to be here tonight. See? And I'm here to see these actors get a fair shake. See? Don't forget it. Thank you, Mr. Robinson. Hey, he's tough, isn't he? And now Mr. Gary Cooper. Yep. Gee, Mary, I had no idea that Gary Cooper was that tall. Neither did I. And he's so distinguished. Look how gray his hair is. Jack, that's snow. Oh, he really is tall, isn't he? Ah, ladies and gentlemen, we are indeed fortunate. Coming up to the microphone is one of the candidates for the best acting honors, Mr. Humphrey Bogart, nominated for his splendid performance in African Queen. Hey, tell me, Mr. Bogart, do you think there's any chance of your not winning the award tonight? Ooh, I only ask. Well, how do you like that? Say, Mary, I wonder if he's going to interview me too. Quiet, Jack. Jimmy Stewart is walking up to the microphone. Jimmy Stewart? Mr. Stewart, would you please say a few words to the radio audience? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. James Stewart. Well, yes, I'm very happy to be here tonight. Mr. Stewart, before you go, I'd like to ask a few personal questions. Didn't you recently have twin girls? Well, yes, I did. That is, my wife did. They're the cutest things, but so confusing. What do you mean confusing? Well, last week I bought them a little horse. And they take turns riding it. And it's kind of hard for me to tell which twin has the pony. Ooh, what an awful joke. Well, you better think of a better one. The announcer's motioning to you. Oh, yes, come on, Mary. Oh, Jack, wait for me. Take my hand, Mary. Well, Jack, thank you. You do miss Livingston. Hello. It's a pleasure to have you with me. Well, thank you. Well, thank you. You've been coming to these Academy Awards for a long time. Haven't you, Mr. Betty? Yes, I certainly have. Well, tell me, Mr. Benny, what are your future picture plans? Well... He expects to see Quovadas tomorrow night. Mary, please, this is an interview. Mr. Benny, the last picture you made was a western called the Horn Blows at Midnight, wasn't it? A western? Yes, I was at the preview and I remember hearing gunshots. That was the Warner Brothers. Fortunately, they missed each other. Now, Mr. Benny, would you care to make any predictions as to who will win the Oscars here tonight? No, there are so many wonderful actors and actresses up for them, but in the musical awards, if the song I roll... Thank you, Mr. Benny. What a song. When you say I... Mr. Benny, get away from the microphone. Then I'll come back to you. Mr. Benny... When you ask me to forgive you... Mr. Benny... ...I'll return... Mr. Benny... ...like the Swallows at Sereno... Mr. Benny, return away from this microphone. Stop pushing. Before you... Mr. Benny, get away from this microphone or I'll punch you right in the nose. Take your hands off me. Here, watch it for me. Jack, come on. Okay, okay. Oh, may we have your autograph? I'm not Marlon Brando. The announcer just ripped my shirt. Come on, Mary, let's go in. Ladies and gentlemen, we want to make certain that all children have a fair chance to be strong and healthy. And we can do this by giving to Easter Seals. Your contribution provides treatment training centers special schools, summer camps, and curative workshops. Let's give generously to Easter Seals. Please send your contributions and care of your local post office. Thank you. I can do it for a moment, but first... Seeing is believing and you yourself can see that luckies are made better to taste better. From newly opened packs, take a lucky strike and any other cigarette. Then carefully remove the paper from both by tearing a narrow strip straight down the seam from end to end. Be very careful not to loosen or dig into the tobacco. Now look for the difference. Look at that perfect cylinder of fine, mild tobacco taken from the lucky. See how round and firm and fully packed it is with long strands of fresh, clean, good-tasting tobacco. See how free the lucky is of annoying, loose ends that spoil the taste. This is your proof. Luckies are made better to taste better to taste fresh and clean and smooth. No doubt about it. Luckies taste better. So to enjoy the fresh, clean taste of fine tobacco, be happy. Go lucky. Make your next carton, Lucky Strike. Be happy. Go lucky. Go lucky. She married with certainly exciting, wasn't it? Yeah. Arthur Friede winning the Irving Thalberg Award and Johnny Green for the music. George Stevens for directing Place in the Sun. And Vivian Lee for the best actress. Yeah, and Kim Hunter and Kyle Morgan for the best supporting roles and... Oh, Jack, there's Humphrey Bogart. Go over and congratulate him for winning the Oscar for his performance in African Queen. Oh, yes. Wait here, Mary. Say, Bogie, congratulations. And Lucky for you, I didn't make a picture this year. Ouch! Jack, who slapped you? Lauren Bacall. By water, I can whistle two of my teeth are missing. Good night, folks. Brought to you by Lucky Strike, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. This is Don Welch for reminding you to listen to your hit parade for Kyle Lombardo every Thursday night presented by Lucky Strike. Consult your newspaper for time and station. Stay tuned for the Amazon Andy Show, which follows immediately. This is the CBS Radio Network.