 Hello there, my beautiful, lovely internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. I am Joe, your friendly neighborhood disabled amputee. And today I wanted to talk about being called inspirational because as a person who is visibly disabled, this is something that I get called constantly. From the moment that I woke up from my amputation surgery to present date, many of my videos, pretty much every Facebook comment about my amputation journey in the beginning, people around me, people I meet at coffee shops and grocery stores, call me inspirational and I'm not alone in this. There are a lot of articles out there about how, if you exist with a disability and you do anything that's public, you are so inspiring. And this is something I've hesitated to really share my feelings on because I know, I know. When you call someone who is disabled inspirational, it is never your intention to hurt them, to harm them, to offend them. I know that this is something that comes from like a very kind, good, loving place. Even if those intentions are golden, it doesn't mean that the outcome is always going to be a good thing. So I wanted to take some time today to share my personal perspective on what it feels like to be called inspiring all the time everywhere I go. And while I'm sharing these thoughts simply from my perspective, I also know that this is something that a lot of my disabled friends feel. I've linked articles down below from disabled writers talking about this and I think it's an important conversation to have. Most recently I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and I saw this video pop up, which is a video of a gal who does not have arms driving with her legs, with her feet, really cool. And I went through the comments section of that. I pulled out just like some of the first comments I saw. The entire comments section looked like this. Just comment after comment after comment of like, you're so inspiring, you're so brave. I can't believe people complain about their lives because yours is so much harder. You're so inspiring. So let's talk about why being called inspirational kind of feels like crap. But first, a word from our sponsor. I'm thrilled to be able to introduce you to our returning sponsor, Anna-Louisa Jewie. Now, if you know me, you know that I love this company. If you watch any of my recent videos, you will see me wearing their jewelry because I honestly love it and I wear it every day. And this is very well timed considering that Mother's Day is coming up. Quick reminder, it's May 9th if you didn't know. Mother's Day is an amazing time to take some time out of our normal routine and show our moms how much they matter to us. And one way to do that is to get her a meaningful, lovely, beautiful gift like Anna-Louisa Jewie. They are running a fantastic sale right now. Using the link down below, you can get 15% off all of their products. And additionally, two things that I personally really appreciate about their company. There's no luxury markup. These pieces start at $39 and go up from there. And additionally, they're all about sustainability. Meaning that if you are supporting Anna-Louisa Jewie, you are supporting a company that is carbon neutral and really cares about the environment. They have a lot of different styles, meaning that there's going to be something for everyone. Like I said, I wear their jewelry pretty much all the time. Whether I'm like trying to dress up and look nice or honestly just wearing like a t-shirt and jeans at home. I discovered a few months ago that wearing jewelry really helps me feel a little bit more put together even on days when I like don't take a shower. And it's also amazing to really style beautiful pieces of clothing that you have when you want to look fancy. Their jewelry makes an amazing gift for your mom or for someone you love or for yourself. So use the link down below to get 15% off, check out their site, check out their products. Like I said, I absolutely love this company. I've said that probably maybe too many times in this ad, but it's honest and I'm thrilled to be working with them. So thank you so much Anna-Louisa to sponsoring this video and my channel. And with that, let's get back to inspiration or not. So this whole situation happened two and a half years ago. Prior to losing my leg, I had lived through a lot of ankle surgeries and procedures, lived with a lot of pain and eventually made the decision that I needed to cut my leg off if I wouldn't have any hope of walking without pain, any hope of doing any activities I loved, of living a normal life or really just the life that I wanted. And from the moment, and I do mean the moment, that I woke up from surgery, the one word that people used to describe me or talk about what I had had to do was inspiring as I scrolled through the lovely, encouraging, amazing messages and comments that were left for me on Facebook. Like 95% of the things that were said had to do with me being so inspiring. And as this journey has continued on, that pattern has continued. If you go through any comment section of any of my like big videos or when I've told my story inspiring, thousands of people consistently use this word. And recently I was on Facebook and I came across this video post, which is a really cool story about a girl who has no arms learning to drive with her feet. Awesome. Amazing. But as I perused the comment section, I found pretty much nothing but comment after comment after comment about how inspiring and how brave this was. And it really got me thinking about this because if you've watched my channel since the beginning, first off, thank you. I'm so glad you're still here. You'll know that I've had some struggle with this word before calling someone inspiring is one of the higher compliments that you can give someone. It's a super kind, nice thing to do. So why does a part of me hate it? Why does a part of me feel super gross and maybe a little bit angry and also very isolated and distant and just weird about it? As I thought this through, I've come up with a small handful of reasons why this makes me so uncomfortable. And reason number one is that it immediately creates distance between me and everybody around me. If someone is an inspiration to you, generally speaking, they're not seen as a peer. It's something to aspire to. Something inspirational is something that inspires you that makes you want to be better. So if you're telling someone they're inspirational, you're kind of, you're kind of putting people on two different levels. And even though the level that you are ascribing to the person with disability as being inspiring is supposed to be a really kind thing, what you're also doing is saying that like, we are not the same. And if you're disabled, you already feel like you're not the same. So it's like this distance between you and the normal people widens even more. Pretty often people will approach me like at a grocery store or a coffee shop and be like, you are so inspiring, keep doing what you're doing girl, you rock. I was walking on the trail the other day and there was a jogger coming by me and he looked at my leg and he was like, dude, you're awesome. And then like kept running. I was like, Hey, thanks, I appreciate that. Right? Like cool. Extra compliment for existing. All right. But if we dig a little bit deeper, I think the problem here is that most of the time disabled people are being congratulated for doing extraordinarily normal things. Now, do these normal things sometimes come with extra challenges? You betcha. Yeah, they do. But do we live life? Do we find our own normal anyways? Yeah, the things that I've been called inspirational for are not world shattering things. Like they aren't inspiring things in my opinion. They're normal, normal tasks. The best example that I can think of this is the time shortly after my amputation surgery when I went to attend and listen to TED Talks. I love public speaking. I love listening to public speaking. I was excited to be there. But as I was trying to make my way to my seat, I had multiple people come up to me and like with awe congratulate me for getting out of the house and being there. Like how inspiring it was that I decided to come to this event because they could see that I was missing my leg. And while I was very kind and I said, thank you so much, it made me feel really small, which I think is the polar opposite of what they were intending to do. Like I was being congratulated and applauded for walking to my seat, for doing something that is extraordinarily normal. And again, does it take extra effort? Sure. Do I need to be like congratulated and put on a pedestal for doing something that the majority of the world can do? If you don't know my story, I really don't. And I feel like this could be controversial to say, but I'm going to go ahead and talk about it as another reason. This is just my personal theory. So feel free to check it out if you don't agree with it. But when you see someone who is disabled visibly and your instant reaction is, oh my God, that's so inspiring. When you see them doing something relatively normal, there's sort of this implication that's inspiring because I don't think I could do it in your situation. Oftentimes, comments are made about the fact that like, man, if I had to go through what you were going through, I would just kill myself, right? Which again is meant as a compliment, but what it really implies is that I don't think your life is worth living. I don't think the struggles that you faced are worth facing because being disabled is bad. You wouldn't want it. And because you see someone who is dealing with this horrible thing existing in life anyways, wow, that's just outstanding because they have to deal with that thing, that awful thing. And yet they're still existing. They're still making it out of the house, which kind of carries the implication that there's this expectation that if you were disabled, someone wouldn't or shouldn't get out of the house. They wouldn't keep living life. The other thing with this is that the bar is so low. Like I can do nothing but walk or wheel into a store and suddenly I am a source of inspiration and awe. Like you would never consider going up to someone without a disability and being like, dude, you were so inspiring for making it out of the house today. Just like, wow, thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for trying your hardest and your best and just really inspiring us. Thank you. That would come across as really weird and sort of patronizing and uncomfortable. But the reality is that for disabled people, oftentimes it comes across as weird and kind of patronizing and really uncomfortable. Now, I think this whole narrative shifts if we're talking about someone who happens to be disabled doing something that's legitimately inspiring. For instance, Dancing with the Stars. I love dancing. I love dancing so much. And I saw Amy Purdy who is a double-blown knee amputee dancing on Dancing with the Stars. And that was legitimately inspiring to me because like that's something I aspired to be. And I felt inspiration watching her do that and being like, I want that. I could do that too. That's incredible. A personal part of this for me is also the fact that I was dealing with exponentially harder things than losing my leg for years before it ever happened. I was dealing with the aftermath of some very intense physical, mental, sexual trauma. I was dealing with surgeries and surgeries on my ankle. I was dealing with chronic pain and chronic illness like I was really, really struggling. But I was never like told that I was inspiring or inspirational for those things until the moment that I became visibly disabled. As soon as I had my leg cut off, which granted is a pretty big deal, the cheers were deafening. But prior to that, aside from those people who were like really, really close to me, right? Like they didn't exist. And it's weird to suddenly go from an average person dealing with challenging but pretty human struggles to then overnight be something to so many people and be this inspiration because now I look different. If you aren't disabled, you might not know this. But as a disabled person, you have two options. You could be the inspirational disabled person or you can be the sad, pathetic disabled person. Pick one. And it almost feels like when I'm called inspirational, that like people are congratulating me for passing as the good kind of disabled. Because when we see the bad kind of disabled, when we see the bitter disabled person with a blanket on their lap who barely leaves the house, poor, you know, sweet, pathetic, bitter people, like that's the bad kind of disabled. And here's the reality. No one is one or the other. People may appear as one or the other, but I've had many days where I am bitter and I don't want to leave home. And I've had many days where I feel fantastic and I'm grateful and I'm out doing stuff and rocking it. No one is one of the binary, but it kind of feels like you have to be. It kind of feels like there are two narratives laid out before you if you become disabled and one is to be inspiring and one is to be pathetic. It feels like good job. You are passing as the socially acceptable form of a disabled person. Therefore, you get the label of inspirational when I know that there are so many people out there who are struggling. When I know that I can definitely present myself as very together, as confident, and I can go out and do stuff and I'm very grateful for that. But I know that not everybody is in that position. And I feel like I get the the the pass to normal society because I can come off as living an average life, which thus means I am so inspiring. Like we have very little expectations of people with disabilities if they can do anything. We're like, wow, oh my god, that's amazing. And it is, right? Like it is amazing that people who face certain challenges are able to do things, but that spans the board of human experience. That applies to single moms who are working job. That applies to people dealing with depression. That applies to those who have lost parents and are still trying to adjust to life again. To people who have had their heart broken and choose to continue to be open and look for love, like going through life with a disability, yes, it is different. Yes, it comes with specific challenges, but so does everything. And I don't want the bar for my existence to be congratulated to simply be choosing to live, choosing to do things. And while it can feel nice to feel like you're exceptional for something, when you know you are capable of so much more and you know that your community is capable of so much more, to know that people expect nothing of you and thus do not have high expectations or even high views of you is hard. And again, I know these are nice things that people are saying, so I feel like a big old jerk complaining about it, but I just wanted to give some insight into perhaps what people are thinking. When you see someone, you don't know their story and you call them inspiring. There was a while ago where I had this conversation with an able-bodied friend of mine and he was like, Joe, why don't you like being called inspirational? Like, isn't that a good thing? And I was like full of anger and rage about it. I was like, I'm not your freaking inspiration. Do I inspire you to do something or does seeing me being a different looking person just make you feel better about your own life for a second? Like am I inspiring you to make positive change in your life and be a kinder, better person or to do more things that you want to do or are you just saying that I look different and that's weird, but I've continued to go on so good for me and thank God that is not what you have to deal with. This is kind of a conversation for another time, but you often will see like motivational posters of disabled people and the tagline will be like, what's your excuse, which is something I have lots of feelings about, but that kind of stuff or like the montage videos of disabled people like running or doing cool things and everybody's like, wow, I can't believe I complain about my life. They're so inspiring. And here's the thing, if someone who is disabled is doing something that is inspiring, that is like outside the norm that actually inspires you to do something, then I think that word fits, right? Then I would be so honored and grateful to be called that. But when it is described for everything, when it is labeled, if you exist as a person in society with a disability and you still do some things, you are inspirational, it loses its meaning really quickly, it creates this distance between you and everybody else. It reinforces the fact that people immediately see you as different. If you see me and you're like, by the way, I just, I just want to say you are so inspiring. Thank you for doing what you're doing as I am standing in line somewhere or picking up my coffee. I'm like, oh, you saw me and you saw a disabled person. You didn't see me and think of me as a fellow human being. You saw me and you thought of me as something different. I also feel like being called inspirational all the time kind of creates this pressure to be inspiring. Like I know that's something I felt, especially during the first year of being an amputee when so many people were telling me that. I was like, I have to do something amazing with my life because so many people think that I'm inspiring. So I can't just be a normal person. I can't just live my life. I can't just adjust to my prosthetic leg and do the things I want to do. I have to be someone. I have to be something because so many people think I should be this thing. And I know that that is not just my story. I know from personal conversations with a lot of other people that there is this pressure to not really talk about your struggles because that's not inspiring. Even though I personally actually do find it inspiring when people are real and honest and vulnerable. But like that's not the socially acceptable thing to do to be inspiring. You have to go do normal things in society and overcome challenges and talk about overcoming adversity and about how you've never let your disability define you or slow you down or stop you. I've had people tell me that before too that like, like I just I love the fact and it's so inspiring that that you haven't let your disability slow you down. And I'm like, dude, it's absolutely slowed me down. It's a huge part of my life. It impacts me in a lot of ways. It's not all of who I am. But like you don't know my story. You don't know my life. And if you don't know that, why am I inspirational to you? Am I inspirational because I exist in a body that you would not want to be in? Am I inspirational because I look different and you see me as different and you know you see me as different? Meaning that you probably have a suspicion that I feel different from everybody around me. So are you just saying that like you're really glad that's not you? After saying all of that at the end of the day, I genuinely know I truly do that anyone who's ever said to me, you're inspiring or if you've ever said to someone who was disabled, you're inspiring. I know that it's never been met with anything but like pure intent. I know that it's meant to be a good and a kind thing. But I wanted to share this video and some of the feelings behind it because I would love to see this conversation change. I would love to see those of us who are disabled be seen as whole people have higher standards to live up to instead of the bar being so low that like if you don't end your own life, you're so inspiring because being disabled is so bad. I would love to see other words being used and not just being objectified as like a source of cheap inspiration. And I do also want to note the fact that I know people who are disabled, a few people, not many, but a couple who want to be inspiring. Like that's their life's mission. Like they want to live life visibly and do things for people to inspire them and show them that it's possible to overcome anything and that works for some people. I don't fault them for a second for that. If that's what they want for their lives, that is great and I wish them all the best. I just know it's something that does not resonate with me. Like I'm not living my life with a disability to inspire you. I'm living my life as a whole human being hoping to bring like healing and connection to the people around me and the people I have the honor of speaking to. Like I want to be a part of the world. I want to be a part of society and connection and not be seen as something that's outside of it and simultaneously looked up to but also looked down to. I truly appreciate you taking the time if you've made it this far to listen to this. Please know that if you've ever said this, I am in no way saying you're a bad person or you've done something wrong. I just wanted to shed some light and sort of start the conversation, start the dialogue, maybe put the thought in your head that maybe calling everybody you see inspirational who's disabled, maybe there's a different word you could use or are you saying that because they legitimately inspire you? What's your reasoning behind that? Just question the ways that we automatically interact with people who are disabled. I think it's an important conversation to start and I appreciate you being here for it. A huge thank you again to our sponsor. Their links are down below. I highly recommend them. If you click those links, not only is it something that I think very highly of, but it also helps to support this channel and I appreciate it. A giant thank you to all my patrons over on Patreon for supporting these videos and the videos over on my channel TraumaTalk. You guys mean the world to me. Thank you. And to you watching this video right now, I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to listen to me. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else and you chose to hang out with me for a few minutes and I really appreciate that. I love you guys. I'm thinking about you and I'll see you in the next video. Bye guys.