 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the great Gildesleeve. Gildesleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. There's something truly new and truly wonderful about Kraft's new parquet margarine. New parquet now spreads smoothly even when ice cold. Join with your neighbors in making this great discovery. The minute you take new parquet from your refrigerator, it's ready to spread smoothly on the freshest bread. No tearing, no trouble. Kraft's new parquet margarine comes to you in a new ice blue package. Try a pound. You'll love the way it tastes. You'll love the way it spreads. With his job of water commissioner, he'd be out at junior high school every afternoon watching football practice because he dreams of the day when Leroy will make football headlines. And there's no greater dreamer than the great Gildesleeve. Ready. In the kitchen, Mr. Gelsleeve. Yeah. Is Leroy come home from football practice? I don't think so. The refrigerator ain't been raided. Well, the coach could have kept some of the team a little late. Yes, sir. This is the day he was to pick the squad to go to center city next week. Yes, sir. Mr. Gelsleeve, you think Leroy's good enough to make that squad? How can he miss? The coach is taking 24 players. There are only 26 out for football. Well, Leroy's been working at it very hard. Oh, he'll make it, buddy. He has to. Commissioner Hogan was in today bragging about his boy. He's on the first team. That's nice. Says they call his son, hurry up, Hogan, because he can run faster than the other boys. Yes. I can't stand people who come around bragging on their children. No, sir. I wish Leroy would hurry. I'm going to go down and tell Pee-Vee and the rest of Leroy made the squad. Here comes Leroy now. Brides, George, he made it. You made it. I mean, you made the football team. Are you kidding? You didn't? But you sounded so happy. I am happy. I think I'm going to be assistant cheerleader. Oh, my goodness. What tomorrow? All right, too. Leroy leading cheers is all right, but I want you to play in the game. Guys, Hunk, you know I can't make the team. Why not? You know me. When I run out for a pass, my feet are all firm. Well, you know, you haven't really tried. You're taking this too lightly. Yeah, but... You're not really interested. Gee, Hunk, I wouldn't be if I ever got to play. What's the use of putting on shoulder pads just to sit on the bench? Now, that's not the right attitude. We Gildersleeves have always been a football-playing family. Eggman. Who's that? Mr. Cooley, the Eggman. Eggman. Where's Birdie? She went upstairs. Eggman. Just lay them on the back porch. They've already been laid, sir. Yes, yes. And I never leave them on the back porch. I always put them in the refrigerator. Great. My eggs are fresh, and I always keep them that way. I have my reputation as an Eggman to think about, Mr. Gildersleeve. Hello, Leroy. Hi, Mr. Cooley. Now, Leroy, I want you to fight for a place on the team. Follow in the footsteps of your old uncle. I'm putting the eggs in a refrigerator, Mr. Gildersleeve. All right. At State College, I had quite a reputation on the gridiron, my boy. You know what they said about me? Ham, that goes good with eggs. They said I was the best blocking back they ever had. But you were big, and I'm just a skinny little kid. It isn't just size. It's grip and determination. Commissioner Hogan's boy is smaller than you are, and he's on the first team. Oh, gosh. Now, show some spirit. I want to sit in the stands and watch you lug the old pigskin. Just start doing it tomorrow. Okay. And I was going to turn in my suit and go roller-skating with Babs tomorrow afternoon. That boy, roller-skating when he can play football. Is Babs a little girl across the street? Well, I thought you were gone, Mr. Cooley. I wanted to explain why I'm so late with the eggs today, sir. Yeah, that's all right. When I was putting them in the cart and I dropped one, and had to wait around the hen house for a new one. You don't have to apologize. You can't hurry a hen, you know. Well, I don't want to hurry you either, but haven't you more deliveries to make? Oh, no, sir. I'm through for the day. I can stick around. I was quite amused by that line you were giving Leroy. Line? I'm always telling my little kid what a big shot I was, too. Now, I'll see you here, Cooley. I did play football at State College. First team? Two Ls. Second team? Well, Cooley, you're getting a little personal. Uh-uh-uh. Come on, let's see you catch a pass. I'll throw you an egg. You will not! What do you about that egg, man? Mr. Cooley? Yes. I'm afraid I'm a little cool on Mr. Cooley. Why don't we buy our eggs from the market? Oh, Mr. Gilson, we can't stop taking eggs from Mr. Cooley. He's got the freshest eggs in town. Oh, well... We can't get cool on Mr. Cooley. But, Bertie, he just walks in the house and makes himself at home. Joins in the conversation. Yes, but he's got the freshest eggs in town. We can't get cool on Mr. Cooley. Well, that may be, but... Mr. Gilson, you know who's got the freshest eggs in town? Yes, Bertie. That's right. So we can't get cool on Mr. Cooley. I guess Mr. Cooley stays. I'll get it! I'll go. He's going to close to the dinner hour. Good girl there. Oh, hello, Judge. Come in. Thank you. I finished drawing up these contracts for the water department. Judge, you could have dropped them by my office in the morning. Well, this seemed a good time to deliver them. That top roast has an appetizing aroma. Hungry old goat. All right, Horace, why don't you stay for dinner? Oh, I wouldn't think of accepting on such short notice. But short notice is all I ever get here, so I accept. Well, come on in the study. Thank you. Bertie, set another place at the table. The judge will be with us. Yes! Evening, Bertie. Yes, yes. Sit down, Judge. How's Leroy getting along with school? Terrible. He didn't make the football team. Is the boy upset about it? No, he isn't upset at all. He's practically happy about it. But he's going to play football. I'm surprised he even went out for football. What's this judge? Well, he isn't the athletic type any more than you are, Gildy. Judge, I'm getting a little tired being told I'm not athletic. Others recognize that fact, too. What do you mean by that? Gildy, you know you can't even sit a horse. You bounce up and down like a jack in the box. And you're the worst bowler in our group. Remember the night that you got your big fat thumb stuck in the bowling ball and threw yourself down the alley? Well, I got my thumb where my finger should have been. You're all wrong about forcing Leroy to play football, too. I'm not forcing him. I'm just insisting that he try like I did. Gildy, if you ever put on a football uniform, it was probably to impress some girl. Well, shoulder pads don't do any harm. See? You did try to impress the girl. I'll judge. I say that might work with Leroy. Why? He's always trying to impress bads. If she'd asked him to make the team, he'd make it all right. Gildy? Yes, sir. Let it light a fire under Leroy. I think I'll talk to her mother about that tonight. Well, it's a good excuse to pay a call on a pretty woman. Judge, it isn't just because she's pretty. I'm only doing this for Leroy. What you go through for Leroy. No, she's over at Mimi's house doing homework. Oh, well, I just wanted to tell her I can't go roller-skating with her tomorrow afternoon. Oh, well, I'm sorry, Leroy. Yeah, Aunt says I got to stay out for football. It does. I don't want to, but I got to. Well, come in and tell me about it. Okay, for a minute. Sit down, won't you? Okay, for a minute. Now then, don't you like football? Well, sure, I like it all right, but I'm wasting my time. All I do is warm the bench. Warm the bench? Well, you know, the same as it is with a girl who's a wallflower? Of course, you wouldn't know how a wallflower feels. Thank you. It's a very nice compliment. That's okay. Leiboy, why does your uncle insist on your playing football? Well, perhaps he didn't get to play football and want you to. Aunt says he played football like crazy. Oh, what position did he play? Gosh, he played nearly every position there is. He played all sports. Oh, really? Yeah. Uncle's a four-letter man. Oh, did you ever see any of his college sweaters? No, he says a long time ago the moths ate them. All right, you ought to hear him tell him about it. Yeah, I'd like to, but he comes over. I, uh, I think I'll draw him out on the subject. That's a great idea. Paula loves sports. She'll be glad to help me make a football player out of Leroy. Oh, hello, Thothmorton. Come in. Thank you, Paula. Mm, a little nippy this evening. Isn't it? Wonderful football weather. Football? Say, I'm glad you brought the subject up. That's the reason I came over. Yeah, at least, for one of the reasons. Oh, well, sit down, Thothmorton. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh, Paula. Yes? Since you brought up the subject of football, I wonder if you'd speak to Babs about getting Leroy a little more interested in the game. Oh, is it really that important? Well, you know how it is with the man who's been an athlete himself. He wants to see the boy star, too. Oh, of course. And I'm sure Leroy found out Babs wanted him to play. He'd play. A woman can make a man do anything, you know. I wonder. What's that? Oh, nice. Thothmorton, I can understand you're wanting Leroy to be like you. Well... He tells me you won letters and four sports. Oh, yes. Football, baseball, basketball, and... Let's see. I forget the fours. Well, could it have been tennis? Tennis. Yeah, that was it. Oh, I love tennis. Thothmorton, why don't you invite me to play sometime? Me? We can play tomorrow afternoon. But Paula, we're going to a dance tomorrow night. Oh, yes, we are. Cut out of that. Well, why don't we do both? Both? Why don't we, Thothmorton? Well, it sounds like a very strenuous day. For you, I mean. There you go, thinking of me again. Well, if I'm anything, I'm thoughtful. No, I'm afraid I've been very selfish, Thothmorton. Keeping you away from the sports you love. No, Paula, I'm very happy just sitting here in the parlor with you. After all your years as an athlete, your big, strong body must cry out for exercise. Well, I try to keep myself under control. And if we play tennis, we can be together so much more. I dog you against that. I just adore athletic men like you. Thank you. I can see you now. So robust and handsome, strolling out on the tennis court in your white flannels. Yeah? With your rackets under your arm, the Turkish towel thrown nonchalantly over your big broad shoulders. Yeah. And after a vigorous game, we can stroll hand in hand through the park. Oh. Looking for a quiet, shady place to relax. Paula, let's go play tennis. The Great Gilda Sleeve will be back in just a moment. Good news gets around in a hurry. And that's why there's so much talk about Kraft's wonderful new parquet margarine. Women are really enthusiastic. And what they particularly like about new parquet is the way it spreads. It actually spreads smoothly when ice cold. That's quite a promise. But it's a fact you can quickly prove. Just store a pound of new parquet in your refrigerator overnight until it's good and cold. Then remove one of the golden yellow quarters and make this test without a minute's warm-up. Cut off a pat or two. Even though it's ice cold, notice how neatly parquet slices. No splintering or crumbling. Now spread one of those pats on a slice of fresh bread. It smooths on evenly and easily. Then take a great big bite. Delicious eating. You'll agree. Another test. Let new parquet stand out in a warm kitchen. See for yourself how it holds its shape. No separation. No running all over the plate. Doesn't new parquet sound like the kind of table spread you'd like to serve every day? Try it tomorrow. Look for Kraft's new parquet margarine at your grocer. You'll find it in a new ice blue package. A picture of a cake of ice up in the corner will remind you that parquet is the margarine that spreads smoothly even when ice cold. Exactly the athletic type, but the great gilded sleeve insists that he go out for football. When Paula heard this, she maneuvered the rotund water commissioner into a game of tennis. How did I get trapped in the playing tennis? Oh well, I get carried away. But the heck, it'll be a pleasant afternoon. You better stop in Peavey's and pick up some new tennis balls. Hello Peavey. Hello, Mr. Gilded Sleeve. What can I do for you? I want some tennis balls. Tennis balls, you say? Yep. Yeah, well. You like taking up tennis, you say? No, Leroy's pretty well occupied with football. And I thought he'd drop football. He was in yesterday and said he was going to. Well, that was before he talked it over with me. You see, well, who's going to play tennis? I am. Peavey, there's nothing funny about me playing tennis? Yeah, you laugh at what you think is funny and I'll laugh at what I think. Peavey, I've played tennis. It could be, but how long ago? Well, let me see. Some years back. I don't mean how many years back. I mean how many pounds back. Now, Peavey, Paula just complimented me on my physique. Yeah, I can tell you the truth. I don't have to depend on you for days. All right, Peavey. If I were you, I'd take it easy, Mr. Gilded Sleeve. When a man gets a little over the hill like you. I'm not over the hill. Man, you're beginning to show the effects of your climb. Yes, yes. I don't want to discourage you, but I sell a lot of liniments to weekend athletes. Do you want your bottle now? No, Peavey. You know exercise is good for a man. I mean moderation, yes. I get a certain amount of exercise out of wrestling. Peavey, you don't wrestle. No, I watch it on television. Oh my goodness. That's no exercise. Yes, for me. I'll never forget the night I got so excited I put a toehold on myself. A toehold on yourself. I threw myself right out of the chair. I don't believe. No, I'm here to tell you. That night I had to use liniments. How many bottles do you say you want for your tennis game? None, Peavey. I'm still sound of wind and limb. Well. Like a horse. Well, yes. Besides, I'm playing tennis with a girl, so I won't have to exert myself. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. I'm not in shape to play tennis. Sprinting from the car to the porch convinced me of that. Well, I hid my tennis shoes. Now we're going to hide my racket. Say, who'd ever think to look for a tennis racket in the fireplace? Oops. Just in time. You in the parlor, Leroy. Well, I'm afraid I'll have to phone Paula and call off our game. Yeah? I know she'll be a disappointed as I am, but it seems my racket and shoes have disappeared. I saw them half an hour ago right here in the hall. Well, that's strange, isn't it? Yeah. Leroy, it isn't that important. Let's not disturb Bertie. The racket and shoes was right here in the hall a few minutes ago. Isn't this mysterious? Oh, I don't know. Nobody's been here except you, Bertie, and me. And I'm not guilty. Me either. Then who could have moved them? Let's not start making accusations. Ah. Fine. You're trying to get out of it, aren't you? Leroy, why would I try to get out of a game of tennis? Because you can't play tennis? Nonsense. Well, we'll help you find the stuff. Come on, Bertie. Hillfrog. I look in the back of the house. That is, if Mr. Guilty don't mind. Why not? I have a tennis engagement, don't I? Yes, sir. Let's see. It didn't fall behind the couch. Leroy, you're wasting your time. And there's nothing under the rug. You're not even warm. I mean, washing machines. Sometimes a family can be too helpful. Oh, no, you're not. I've been watching. Standing on the service line. It's not my game. Sorry, young. Well, if you don't want to go out for football, it's all right, wouldn't it? Oh, I want to go out. You do? Yeah. The coach has taken me with a team to Center City. Really? No kidding. Little Leroy. If you hadn't told me this, I'll never be the great athlete you were. Well, my boy, it seems I'm not the great athlete I represented myself to be. Does make any difference to me, young? He doesn't? I like you anyway. Oh, what a fine boy. You don't have to build yourself up with me like you do with Mrs. Winslow. Well, I'm through doing that, too. Help me up, my boy. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going over and admit to Paula that I can't possibly make it to the dance tonight. Ouch! Charlie horses, huh? Whole stable full of them. You don't always catch us up with you. Just about the phone you that... I'm simply not up to dancing tonight. You're not? I've never been so sore and stiff. I thought you were the one who'd be suffering. Well... Sophomore, you amazed me. How do you do it? All that exercise and you come over ready to go dancing. Me? Well, you honestly don't feel up to it? Oh, I can't possibly make it. I'm sorry, but I just can't keep up with you. Well, you know how it is. Athlete always an athlete. Oh, you're wonderful. Yep, right now I feel great. Oh, somebody at the door, excuse me. You're right ahead. Mr. Peavey. Hello, Mrs. Winslow. Peavey. Mr. Gildersleeve Leroy told me you were here. Oh? And from the way you were groaning on the phone, I felt you might want these liniments right away. Oh! Discovery in a table spread now comes in an ice blue package. It's Kraft's new parquet, the margarine that spreads smoothly even when ice cold. Compare new parquet with any other table spread and you'll agree it spreads better, far better. New parquet is good eating, too, with a delightful flavor that sings of freshness. Tomorrow, look for Kraft's new parquet in the ice blue package. It looks wonderful. It tastes wonderful, and it spreads smoothly even when ice cold. I just love a good band. Nothing like good dance music. You know, I haven't stepped on your toe once. Am I holding your hand too tightly? Not at all. I think we'd be up so late tonight. Neither did I. Perhaps we should call it an evening. Yeah, I guess we'd better. If I can get out of this chair, I'll snap off your television set and go home. Good ol' PV knows how to exercise. Good night, folks. Good ol' PV knows how to exercise. Good night, folks. If you want to make breakfast or supper, make a welcome change of pace from the hot meals you've been serving. Easy to fix, too. But here's a tip. Be sure there's delicious Kraft prepared mustard on the table. Because when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. There are two kinds of Kraft mustard, mild Kraft mustard, so smooth and delicately spiced, and Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added to give it extra zip. Keep both kinds on hand for different tastes. We have Kraft prepared mustard. All right, it's Groucho Marks, and you bet your life on NBC.