 Vanessa, where are you? Oh my god, Tom! What is your crossbow doing on the kitchen table? A crossbow doesn't clean itself, you know? What is he doing? Hey, why don't you come back out here and play? No, I'm poking a hole. Two left lessons in film. Hi. Today we're gonna be making sense of life through the five-year engagement. It basically follows Tom and Violet figuring out when the right time would be to get married. Which ends up meaning that they are engaged for five years because they just can't figure out. Yeah, through moving, through even breaking up, through relative style, careers changing. But they do at the end. Yeah. And it was good. So the initial thing that stands in the way of them getting married is Violet gets a job. She's been trying to find a job with a university where they live, which is San Francisco, but she hasn't been lucky. She gets a job at the University of Michigan. Tom is very supportive and so they end up moving there. They're supposed to only be there for two years. And he's like, no, that's okay. Two years is not a long time. And he's gonna quit his job here as a chef at a pretty impressive restaurant. The plan is to move back after those two years. But then when she's there, it ends up getting extended for three more years. Tom... He's struggling to find a chef job that he's satisfied with. He falls into a spiral of anger, self-pity, depression. Depression, yeah. And he's hanging out with this guy who's also kind of a faculty husband. They start hunting together. The guy teaches him how to knit and he becomes an amateur beekeeper. Tom has become something of an amateur beekeeper. It's just at the right stage of fermentation. Oh, there you go. Drink as much as you like. Feel like I'm drinking out a Chewbacca's dick. But all of these things aren't satisfying. He's very visibly depressed. All of that does take a toll on the relationship and Violet ends up cheating. He also gets drunk and then himself cheats. And then they end up just calling it quits. I guess the main thing with Tom, right, is that his main struggle, I guess, is that he wanted to support his fiancee into moving to Michigan. But it wasn't a good fit for him. And he's away from everything he knows and is familiar with and likes. But he doesn't anyway because he wants to be there for Violet. He is definitely a good example of why it's important not to be a martyr. He's very supportive. Violet says, my mom quit her job for my dad and she never forgave him ever. She became a real martyr and she's not a happy person and I just don't want you becoming my mother. He makes a joke that he'd rather be the resentor than the resentee. Both suck. I don't think there should be room for resentment in a relationship. Yeah, that was a mistake there. Not taking the decision seriously enough to be like, ah, you know, if one of us is going to be resentful, I'll take that on. So you're convincing yourself this is what you do out of love. I'm doing this for my partner. Well, I'm sacrificing myself. I'm a good supporter. You know, this is what you do when you love someone, you support the person in that way, you know? And I think that's true, but I don't think it's right to support someone when, you know, you're sacrificing your own needs. It even takes on kind of like a very different personality and identity to try and make this new fit work. Work, yeah. And it's depressing it. And he doesn't say what he wants. He's not honest about what he wants. And he's angry at her. I became the resentor. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she called it and she expressed her concern and he was like, no, no, no, no, I'm good. But then you still get angry, even though you did make the choice and it was on the table for discussion, she was putting it on the table. I mean, I guess I also liked Tom just for the fact of if I'm comparing these two people, I think he has a better idea of making sacrifices in a relationship. You know, when you are in a relationship, there are lots of sacrifices that people have to make. Things like moving for a job, you know, for someone else's job, but it doesn't mean just sitting there and just, yeah, okay, I'm gonna quit my job without knowing what the repercussions of these things are. So I think he does care about his fiance. He's really doing his best. I don't think we always get it right, but he is trying his best to be compromising. And I think that there's a lot to be said for that. I agree. Yeah. And then you've got Violet where at the beginning, before she gets the job, she's very open and direct about, let's talk about this. Like, we don't have to do this. I don't have to go ahead with this if you feel like it's not right. And then maybe it's that kind of thing where he feels, whether she was pressuring him subtly or not, he feels like, no, no, no, I wouldn't, I don't want to say, I wouldn't be that guy that says, no, don't follow your dreams. But then then by doing that, they really don't see it through. Think about it properly. And then when she's there, she's enjoying her new job, which is great. But then she does start to really kind of neglect Tom. I got a lot of quality time with your friends. They really like rat tattooing. Did I ignore you at the party? Come here. I love you. I love you too. Sorry. Maybe because he's seemingly less exciting because he's getting more depressed. Yeah. Who knows where she's enjoying this new thing that she's doing. Then even when she sees that he's clearly in a bad spot, she isn't like, let's just leave. Let's just go back. This isn't working. You know, we tried it. You know, the thing with Violet, I was really frustrated with her throughout. I really was because, you know, things are going great for her. But then how are you able to, if you love someone, I just don't understand how you're able, you would be able to look at your life and just enjoy your life. And meanwhile, your partner is depressed. Even if your partner's depression isn't rooted in the choices that you made, or like in your career, or the sacrifices that he made for you, even if it wasn't rooted in that, I just don't understand how you can literally be living with someone and be so happy every day while your partner isn't. How are you comfortable with that? Yeah. I think if I cared about someone, I would be concerned about it. Yeah. And if my choices are affecting someone I love, you better believe I'm going to sit down and reflect on what is worth it, really, to me. That's her growth, I guess, as a character, is that at the end, her career at that university also falls apart because the relationship fell apart and they affect each other. So then she had nothing after she didn't have the relationship. She didn't have her working at the university. So that's where she went. They went back and then she actually proposed to him and had it all set up this time with the on-the-go wedding. All right, all right. I'm going to drop the sheet in three, two, one, drop it. I don't know me, dummy. Just wait till the wedding. Right. Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay, of course. I think if you have been in any kind of caring relationship, you really get to understand that someone who loves you will a lot of the times act in your best interests over their own. I would then have to have the conversation about, you know what, I really appreciate you being sensitive here, but are you sure you're doing this for me or are you doing it for yourself? Yeah, that. Are they doing it for themselves or they are doing it for you but at the expense of the relationship, which might have been what was going on there too, right? It's like he was willing to give everything she wanted but not realizing that that would then damage the relationship and then she didn't seem to notice that either. She really is in denial. Like he chooses to stay in denial of the fact of how her choice has affected the husband. Like when they're at dinner with their friends and his center sister, he's, you know, thoroughly just out of it. They're drinking out of bear claw. For furry mugs. Mugs, furry mugs. The friends are clearly worried about him and the friend even says, like, are you okay? Yeah. Because you seem in a bad place and then the sister is aware. Everybody's aware. Violet's just like, oh no, he's getting into, you know, beekeeping and knitting. Isn't that great? He doesn't want to face the reality that her choices had a negative impact on her partner and on her relationship. And I think that's something that's really tough to do. The bottom line is that I also really just didn't, what? This is more serious that I'm, I'm sure people weren't expecting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it hot in here? Anyways. So how's Michigan? You know, it's a, it's a bit of an adjustment, but all in all, it's fine. Wow. Sorry. Have you told her how much you hate it? I don't hate it. Bit of Irish stoicism never hurt anyone. Well, I think it hurt a lot of Irish people. I like Alex. Him and Susie's relationship is same. Yeah, it works. That's the thing, right? It's like at first how they, you know, they hook up. Susie gets pregnant and then they get married. And, you know, before that happens, they're all thinking, oh no, first of all, like Alex is totally loony and like, don't get married. And what's going on? You're making, what are you doing? And then they end up being very stable and good for each other, the entire movie. Yeah. And great parents, really supportive of each other. They love each other. They're goofy. They understand each other. They're open with each other. So I really liked this relationship and it, it is what I would have hoped for. Tommen. Tommen Violet, doesn't it? The thing about Alex that I like, you know, he's very crass, truly. He is. Guys, I need hands on my carrot wiener. Alex, put the carrot wiener away. The face is the worst part of it all. Get back to the floor, Graw. He's goofy in that way that sometimes people don't take seriously and think you're dumb. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cause I even have that at one point where when Violet finds out that Susie is pregnant, she's like, but I'm so wrong. What, of all people? Exactly. And I'm like, Amoron as the movie, you know, progresses, you're like, this is the most mature guy. Yeah. First of all, this Moron can see through your husband's denial and repressed emotions. He's able to be like, no, you're in a bad place. He's also able to say like, you got to be honest with your partner. This is going to be your wife. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, you're not being honest with your wife. You're not being honest with yourself. You're not being honest with me. You're not being honest with anyone. Yeah. Bro, you got to be honest with her, man. I am honest. Uh, be honest with me. You're not being honest with her. Don't be a martyr. Trust me, dude. You need to be honest with this woman. She's going to be your wife. And you have to do that. If you're going to be married, that is the, you know, foundation for a good relationship. That is the Moron. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. A lot of times I think people mistake someone who might just do things a little different. They have a different kind of sense of humor, different way of looking at things, but it actually has a lot of knowledge and wisdom. Yeah. I think we've all talked about this, like comedians that we like, where people who think in black and white terms have this very static way of looking at people. So if you're a comedian, you're just that. And if you're a comedian, it means you're not serious, you're not smart. And I'm like, but do you even know how hard it is to make people really laugh? And if you can manage to make people really laugh, I think that that is a mark of intelligence for me personally. Who's the guy? Let me take some guesses. Okay. Just don't even think about it. One, two, three. Fucking hell. Who did you say? That reminded me of that. And how he was treated there because, you know, calling him a Moron just because he jokes around and he's funny. It doesn't mean that he's actually, he has so much integrity. He's a good friend. Yeah. And he has, you know, a really strong moral compass. Mm-hmm. Violet. Breathe, breathe. A perfect freedom in every way. Breathe so much. I love you. And I'm a dog. I love you too. I like Susie too. Yes. Yeah. Susie is the perfect example. I love people like this. Supportive sister. Yeah. She's a supportive sister and friend, you know, friend to her sister. I like her because she's very adaptable. You know, pliable. I like people like that really because life is always changing. And Violet strikes me as those people who are just very, this is my goal, this is the trajectory I want and no matter what, my partner gets depressed. I don't care, it's fine. But I'm still on my path. That's the goal that I want. My relationship is falling apart or calling off the wedding. I'm having affairs. My partner is having an affair now. No, it's fine because I'm still on the same, on the road. That's my goal, right? Yeah. Susie, right? She's like, well, you know, I wanted to have a job. I think it's like, kinesthesiologist or something. Yeah. In the medical field or something like that, yeah. And she's like, in this case, you know, I have two kids which are great, but it can also be a lot. I need a break. She had certain goals and then she's willing to go with the flow of life. And she's also very supportive. She was like genuinely like, couldn't speak, you know, at their engagement party, you know? She's supportive. It's rare. It's really rare to see people that are like, overtaken with. Yeah. Emotion and care for people in their lives. Yeah. I think both Alex and Susie were that way. Yeah. She's a healthy compromise you know what I mean? I think when you're compromising, there is, it's very important if you're, if you're in a relationship, I think compromising is very, very important. But when you're compromising, I think it's important to reflect on why am I doing this and what are the outcomes? Will I be happy with the outcomes? And she's, I think, very cognizant of that of what she gave up. She's very much, yeah, it is worth it, this thing. I'm sacrificing my initial goal. Yeah. You know, for. Anyway, Alex and Susie are great. Yeah, but in the end they're the couple's friend that you would want. Themes? Themes? I would say, Would you say, be, wait, I'm out of the. Theme one. Yeah. Do we have to have the answers before settling down? Yeah. No, I don't think so. I mean, you know, I think the main reason why they closed home the wedding is because they feel like they have to have everything figured out first. Whereas again, Alex and Susie, we're just like, okay, because we're getting married because, you know, you're pregnant and they figured out as they go. Yeah. And also what does that mean figuring it out? Maybe it's some people to also just do stick to a very strict idea of how you level up, which level comes next. It's like, first you graduate, then you meet the person and then maybe for them, it was, you get a foundation in a career, you get a place to live and then you get married. Other people are like, get married first, then we'll, I guess, figure out where we're gonna live. Yeah. I mean, for me, personally, I think what Violet seems to be focusing on is material things, which I don't think if you figure out material things and you're not figuring out the immaterial things, like the value systems that you guys will uphold in your relationship or as a foundation to your relationship. I don't think that things like career where you're living matter at all because if you have made the decision about these are the values on which we are going to base our relationship. Things like, how do we measure compromise? You know, what is compromising too much or too little, what is just right? How do we resolve issues when we are disagreeing about certain things? What do you need for me to show that I love you or to show that you're cared for? Relationship tools. Relationship, yeah. I think those are the most important things because when you figure those out then everything else becomes easier. The theme of do things for yourself when it makes sense for you. We will be doing the wedding in the Bay Area in San Francisco. You could get married here in the village church. Get married in England where you're from in London, come on. I don't know about that as a bully mouse. Violet, America is such a long way away and grandparents do have a tendency to die. As much as it was confusing why it took so long, people were also pushing them too much. You had the parents especially that were like, you know, you should get married before all your relatives pass away, which is not the reason to get married, that's maybe the worst reason to get married. Get married when it makes sense for you and that does not include pure pressure or outside external people just wanting to have a celebration for themselves or get drunk or just so they can say they went to a wedding that summer or yeah. Three grandparents are gone. Your grandparents long gone. You know who goes next, don't you? We go next. Dad, please. Don't do this, guys. He's not kidding. Not kidding. What is this? Yeah. So we have to get married because people are dying? Yeah. And not because we want to or we're ready for it. That's not right. Talk about the resenty, resent or thing. You're going to resent your relatives if you feel like you got pressured into it before you're ready just so that they could all see you get married. You want to talk about it? Yes. I hate it here. I hate it here. I think it sucks here. I think it sucks my great dick. Good. I hate it. I hate it here. Okay, okay, okay. More on the story, Don't Move to Michigan. Yeah. Dickie, dickie, dickie. No, no, no shade on Michigan. I don't even think Michigan is that bad. I'm not even sure why. Why did they choose Michigan? Is it what you guys are? I mean, I guess if you're from San Francisco, that's, I guess, different in terms of other places in the States. Temperature-wise, it's different, culture-wise, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. It just didn't make any sense to me, but you know what? Potato-potata. Yeah. Next theme. Possible theme. But next possible theme. Individuality and sacrifices in a relationship. We have kind of touched on this. It is important to be an individual in a relationship, but once you get into a relationship, I think there need to be some sacrifices. And sacrifices mean that you make compromises that encroach upon your needs as an individual. And if you're getting into a relationship, I think that's something you really want to settle into. Because if you don't do that, then you become violent and you start keeping your eyes on a prize that is tearing your relationship apart to the point of you cheating and getting a third party involved in your personal relationship. Selfish, I guess. But I guess this individual is in the sense of not thinking of the collective of our relationship. But yeah, that's some stuff that we had to say about five-year engagement. What did you guys think? Let us know your thoughts in the comments down below. Share your thoughts on our thoughts. Burning questions. Would you rather go to a chip truck or a taco truck? What do you do when you see your friends depressed and drinking weed out of a furry goblin? Or Michigan versus San Francisco. Yeah. And why? Yeah, and why. Let us know. Have a sabra. And that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Till next time, thank you for watching and drink. Peace.