 Every Way Woman celebrates tomorrow's stars fresh from California's funniest female contest representing the East Coast on the West Coast, Ms. Brooklyn. Welcome to the show. So I hear. So I hear. Alright, take it away. I'll let you be the judge of that. Okay. Deal. Thank you. What's up, everybody? So my mom started taking karate lessons. Now she thinks everything is a weapon. I can't take her nowhere. We were in a restaurant the other day. She was drinking her juice, tongue bow. See this straw? You could kill somebody with this. Get you a dart. I'm like, where you going to get a dart from? She said, keep thinking this again. We're outside, a bird fly by. She's like, see this feather? You can mess somebody up with this. For real, that's a dangerous weapon. It ends in shock. You just, hmm, hmm, hmm. You can mess somebody up. She bugging out. Like, sometimes she'll just run up and grab me like this and be like, what you going to do if somebody grabbed me like this, huh, huh? And I'm like, call you. Can you imagine? I'm just like walking through a dark alley and some guy just grabs me like, give me your money. And I'm like, mommy. And my mom jumps out like, hey, with a straw, just runs up on him, starts stabbing him in the face with a feather. I was in CVS today, you know, just shopping around. You know what I noticed? They got home tests for everything now. They got pregnancy tests, HIV tests, DNA tests. I saw home drug tests. Now, how does that work? I mean, I'm pretty sure you know if you're on drugs. You ain't gonna be in the store like, I wonder if I'm a crackhead. Well, let me just grab one of these and I'm gonna go find out. This lady outside of CVS stopped me and was like, excuse me, miss. Do you have an extra dollar? Who the hell has extra dollars? Like, I was in there counting my money like 19, 20, 21, 21. Oh, hell no. Where this extra dollar come from? I don't even want this one. Hey, you want it? I hate when those extra dollars be getting all in my way. Making my wallet too tight. I broke this hell, man. I ain't got money to just be giving away to people. This homeless guy was outside shaking a couple of chains in my face. I was like, show off. I'm so broke, I'll window shop at the supermarket. They're like, excuse me, miss. Can I help you find something? No thanks. I'm just looking. I'm so broke when people come over my house. I make the food nasty on purpose so it'll last longer. They be nasty or mad slow. You have to be so broke you get jealous of people pets. Be like, that dog probably ate twice today. He ain't got no job. I'm not living in this nice neighborhood. Stupid dog. All right, let's get serious. Let me just ask you a question real quick. You ever seen a cute little boy? Then you realize it's an ugly little girl? Whoo! That is some freaky stuff. You'll be like, aw, ew. You ever seen an old baby? Look like somebody old Uncle Ernest. People try to say cute stuff about it. They be like, aw, I'm trying to use him as a weapon. They be like, see this baby? You could blind somebody with this. I'm Brooklyn. That's my time. Thank you so much. With anyone's baby? No, all the babies I know are cute. I'm associated with ugly babies. I mean it. What's next for you? A lot of things. I do a lot of parodies. So you can check me out on YouTube at Brooklyn Jones Comedy. I just did an Iggy Azalea fancy parody, which is called Lazy. I also did a Beyonce drunken love parody, which is called Chunky Love. So you can check me out doing parodies and performing all around the city. I'm so lazy. Lazy? Yeah. You already know. Stay tuned for more Every Way Woman when we come back. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Thank you.