 My name is Dr. Jeremiah Sumerian. I'm a member of the SEP Ethics Committee. Some of you look a little bit confused, which shows that you're not stupid. You might even be asking yourself what the Ethics Committee has to do with the food service staff. Well, first I'd like to ask you how much you enjoyed the stale donuts, cold coffee, and warm soda. Probably didn't enjoy it much yesterday either. Every meal you've had this week has been terrible. That's by design. Some of you have been recruited directly from the military. Some of you have trained civilian chefs. Others have worked in fast food for years. Treat the stale donuts as an object lesson. A good meal can make a world of difference in both mood and morale. The people you're going to be feeding every day are going to be working with some of the most dangerous objects in the world. Dr. McDockerson is working with a potentially world-ending artifact every day. He's bound to get a bit listless. The wrong mood at the wrong time, and maybe the good doctor makes a mistake that nobody can recover from. But what if instead he wakes up thinking about the pizza you're going to serve at lunch instead? The effect a good meal has on efficiency and safety cannot be overstated. But that's only half of your purpose. And it's not the reason why I am delivering this orientation. The SCP Foundation is sort of a research organization, but the world is much stranger than we let on. Some of you are even on track to receive security clearances of your own, so you're going to find out exactly how strange the world really is. And you've already likely learned, at least around the edges, what kind of strange and wonderful items we keep in containment. But what do you haven't been told about yet? Are the living anomalies? Yes, murmur, murmur, I get it. That's not in the brochure. But sadly, we're also a prison isn't a good selling point for hiring the best of the best, even with a six-figure salary. So to protect the world, we put people, sometimes under lock and key. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And this causes problems that you will need to find some of the solutions to. First, I'm going to talk to you about a fellow called Jacob McKenzie. He was an accountant born with an anomaly that caused local seismic disturbances if he experienced pain. Now, the disturbances worsen depending on the severity of the pain. His anomalous nature was discovered and he was contained by the Foundation in his mid-twenties. He had a number of dietary restrictions. Obviously, he wasn't allowed frozen foods for fear of a brain freeze. He was not allowed sharp or hard foods on the opportunity he might cut the inside of his mouth. And he wasn't allowed spicy food of any kind. But his favorite type of food was Mexican. At the time, the people in charge of the containment also kept him under the effects of a narcotic pain medication almost around the clock. His nutritional requirements reflected this reality, of course. For instance, he required higher than average hydration due to the medications he was using. Those in charge of his care didn't need to enforce the dietary restrictions we put on him. Because at the time, the Foundation fed the same meal to pretty much every sentient object, except for ones whose dietary restrictions somehow excluded it. A poorly flavored mush that was cheap and could keep a human alive indefinitely. Jacob experienced a period of severe depression and took his own life in 2004. The entirety of Site 134 was lost in the seismic event that occurred during that incident. Now, what a meal from Taco Bell have solved Jacob's depression now. But if we'd been paying attention, we'd have noticed he wasn't eating as much anymore. And, you know, maybe a meal like that would have, along with a host of other precautions, at least helped. You will still run into old Foundation staff who treat the objects under our care as prisoners. But they both are and aren't that. We're not jailers. We're caretakers. Most of these people have done nothing to deserve punishment or imprisonment. They just are in containment for their and sometimes the world's safety. But no matter what, they need to be treated with gentle dignity and respect. This is why the food service staff were put under the ethics committee's purview in 2005. And it's why you attended a number of orientations this week with the newly hired entertainment staff as well. Each of you will be in charge of a site or project's food needs. Some of you will have a staff of dozens. Others will work alone. But no matter what you do, you will need to study the objects under your care. They're once. They're needs. They're mood. This is all your concern. You're not going to be alone. You're going to just be one of many fail safes that we've put in place to save the life of the next Jacob McKenzie. If you need more information about a person's history or preferences than the dossiers tell you, then you should contact the intel department. They will help you look into your anomalies past. If you run into particularly stubborn researchers who you think are negatively affecting the psychological health of those under your care and make no mistake, they are under your care. You will contact the ethics committee liaison for the site or project you were assigned to. There will be more meetings this week and many of you will be receiving specialized one-on-one briefings for the object or objects under your care. I'll leave you with the food service staff's motto. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to feed everybody you meet. Now, by now, I'm sure you've smelled the pizza in the next room. We've got bread free and vegan options and hot coffee and cold sodas. Have a nice day.