 Family Theater presents Virginia Mail, Michael O'Shea, and Richard Denning. From Hollywood Family Theater presents Citizens' Arrest, starring Virginia Mail and Michael O'Shea. And now, here is your host, Richard Denning. Thank you, Tony LaFranco. Family Theater's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives if we are to win peace for ourselves, peace for our families, and peace for the world. Family Theater urges you to pray, pray together as a family. Now to our transcribed drama, Citizens' Arrest, starring Virginia Mail as Phoebe, Michael O'Shea as Merton, and featuring Alan Reed as Eric. Yes? Al Merton is out here, Inspector. How about the Madison's? Are they there? Yes, sir, both of them. Okay, bring Merton in here. Here he is, Inspector. Hi, Inspector. Hello, Al Fonz. So you finally made it back, eh? Oh, come on, Inspector. Nick's on that Al Fonz stuff, huh? What's the matter with you? Don't you like it on the outside? Please, Inspector, you talk like I got caught on purpose. Well, didn't you? No, of course not. Quinn? He tried to hold up a market. Owner pulled a gun out of the cash drawer and slapped him with a Citizens' Arrest. What's that on your coat, Al? That blood? It's a ketchup, Inspector. Any shooting? Oh, yeah, lots. Eric Madison, the market owner, claims he fired twice over Merton's head, and that was all. Oh, no, now wait a minute. That's not the way it happened at all, Sergeant. You got to learn to get the fact straight if you want to go any place in this business. Sit down, Al. Oh, say, Inspector, could we take these things off? I'll give you my word. I won't try nothing. Oh, yeah. Take off his handcuffs, Quinn. Thank you very much, Inspector. So you think we don't know how to get our fact straight? Oh, I didn't say that. It's just that you never talk to the right people. That's all. You know, Quinn, I'll bet you a cup of coffee. We'll get three different stories on how this happened. It's a bet. And I'll also bet you that Merton here will do everything he can to get up to the pan before the start of the baseball season. Yeah, the baseball season. Look, Inspector, will you please stop talking like I wanted to get caught? You want me to take this down, Inspector? Yes, Quinn, we might as well get this now. Save time later. All right, Al, according to the blotter, you were apprehended this morning at 8.15 o'clock in the act of... You see, Inspector, that's what I mean. Now you're going to read me the blotter. You don't even want to know how it happened. All right. Now, suppose you tell us, Al. Just tell us in your own words. Yeah? Yeah, in your own words. Yeah. All righty. Good deal. Yeah, well, early this morning, I was sitting in my suitor rooms at the hotel. What hotel? What hotel? Oh, the home away from home hotel. He had a hall room with a Murphy bed and a hot plate. Look, who was telling the story anyhow? I'll tell it. You just write it down. All right? Okay, okay. Well, I'm in your story, Al. Yeah, well, you see, I was short of cash, and I'm thinking of going out to the track. So right away, I think that it's marked on a corner. Well, I kind of looked the place over one day just in case there's such an emergency. You know what I mean? Well, I goes downstairs and I hops into me touring car. I got one of those big black jobs with all the extras. You see, Inspector, one way of telling the difference between a cheap hood and a real operator like me is that the bums are always in a hurry. Me, I'm taking my time. I cruise around the block twice to make sure the beat cop ain't around. Then I noses my seat and enter the curb just a little ahead of the market entrance. So then I get out and I strolls very casually around to the back. There, I start fiddling with the plates in the back while out of the corner of my eye, I'm casing the market to see if anybody is in there. You know, customers and things like that. Well, it was only this guy and his wife. So I moves inside and I angles for the check stand and I ups and I says, hey, give me a pack of butts, yeah? Why don't you shut your yap? Hmm. And you see, I'm busy. What's the matter with you? Well, how am I to notice guy has a line, Inspector? Give me a look with a give Dillinger the willies. I'm standing there with my rod bulging out of my pocket. And he goes right on adding up a column of figures. And his doll, I want to tell you, she was as bad as he was. I tell you, they was boat lions. Hey, Phoebe. Yeah. Come on, get on the ball. Take care of this goof. Can't you see I'm too busy? So am I busy. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. Is that any way to talk to your husband? You're looking for a cloud, are you? From whom? From you? Raise your hand to me and I'll let you have it with his bottle of ketchup. Put down that bottle or I'll clobby it with this can of tuna. You wouldn't dare. And it's solid packed, not flakes. Now put down the ketchup, Phoebe. Ah, all right. That's better. Now take care of this guy. Well, what do you want, stupid? Look, you want to wait somewhere, buddy. Go to the bus station. This is a market. Aye, aye. Ah, call me back when he's come to. All right. That's enough. You can both put him up. This is a stick-up. Say, come on. Put up your hands. A stick-up? Get this clown, Eric. Yeah. This guy is trying... He's trying to hide the joy. Now, Inspector, you can see how a thing like that might tend to unsettle a man a little. Things were not going so pretty good with me and I had my reputation to think about. So I hunches up me shoulders and it takes the rod out of my pocket so they can get a good look at it. And I says, look, I ain't kidding. This ain't no pea-shooter. You know what I mean? Pea-shooter. I don't get that, Phoebe. Yeah, a pea-shooter. Hey, what is this? A gag? Is this a friend of yours? No. Never saw him before. All right. Stop it now. That's enough already. Stop it or I'll shoot. Time over your cash. I want your dough and I want it now. I want your dough and I want it. You watch. Next, he'll be saying, give me your money or your life. Yeah. What a cornball. Oh, I tell you, Mr. You're a scream. Eric, Eric, honey, if you don't notice, punk, why don't you take out your rod out of the cash drawer and cut him down? Now, wait a minute. What's the matter with you people? What kind of market is this? Go ahead, Eric. Get your gun out and blast him. No. I'll just do it with his. No, no, no. Now, stand back. Don't come any closer. There you go. Ah, you're missed. Knock him over this way, honey, so I can hit him again. Well, the last thing I see is this ketchup bottle coming down on me and then nothing. When I come through, they got me propped up against the cash register. I say give them the cement treatment. Then we'll take them out in the delivery truck and dump them in the river. Uh-uh. Got no cement. Ah, we could wrap them in a paper from the meat department and weigh them down with a couple of cases of soda pop. Oh, no. Why waste food? Well, we could use 20 or 30 pounds of those cold cuts. I don't think they're moving too well. Hey, looks like he's coming around. Yeah. Hey, wow. Hey, want to know something? You people are nuts. The boat of you. You're crazy. Ask him what we ought to do with him, honey. Yeah, yeah. Hey, tough guy, what do you think we ought to do with you? Come on, tough guy. You got no ideas? Police. Call the police, please. Please call the police. You know, Phoebe, I hate to admit this, but he's right. I guess that would be the best way. Oh, sure. If we knock him off, we got to close the market for the morning. We can't afford to lose a sales. Yeah, you're right about that. Okay, honey. Go ahead. Call the cops. And I swear to you, Inspector, that is exactly the way the whole thing happened. Yeah, sure, Al. Now look, Inspector, you know that I am a very tough citizen. Just down on my luck is all. I just picked the wrong place. I decided to know the guy was a lion. And that, that, that mall of his. Wowee. Al. What were you batting on the prison team when you got out? 300? No, 380. But believe me, Inspector, I ain't trying to get back into the penger. And look, I wish you'd stop talking like I was. That kind of talk can ruin a man. Things a little rough on the outside, Al. Well, crime ain't what it used to be, but... It's safer on the inside, isn't it, Al? Yeah, but don't go saying... Where all your friends are. Look, what I told you, it's the truth. So help me. Sure, Al, sure. Look, I'm a very tough hombre. Oh, very tough. That's all, Al. Look, Inspector... Well? Could I ask you something, please? Go ahead. I know you don't believe me, but well, as long as I confess... You want me to try to keep it quiet, Al, huh? Yeah, yeah. As long as I'm going up, I mean a thing like this could ruin me. You know what I mean? Well, I'll see what I can do, Al. Take him out, Sergeant, and bring in Eric Madison. Yes, sir. Just a minute. Hey, Inspector, aren't you... Aren't you forgetting a little something? Huh? Oh, yeah. Thanks, Al. Put the cuffs on him, Quinn. This is a very dangerous character. Now, uh... Your name is Eric Madison? Yes, sir. That's correct. I'm Eric Madison. You made a citizen's arrest of an armed robber this morning at, uh, 8.15 o'clock. Well, that's right, Inspector. Any right-thinking citizen would have done the same thing. Mm-hmm. Well, if you don't mind, Mr. Madison, just tell us what happened this morning in your own words. My...my own words. Yeah, that's right, Mr. Madison. All right, Inspector, I remember it all exactly. Mrs. Madison and I were in the market this morning at about 7. That's the time we usually open up. We worked on the books and restocking the shelves till about the time the robber came in. Oh, dear. Yes, love? On that order for the Melbersons yesterday, was that a number one can of asparagus or a number two can? Well, it was a number one can, love. Thank you, dear. Oh. Oh. Good morning, sir. Good morning. How may I help you this morning? How may I be of service? Get your wife over here. Pardon me, sir. It sounded like you said get your wife over here. Yeah, that's what I said. This is a stick up. Uh, stick up? You better call her over, bud. Honey. Honey, you better come over here for a minute. Coming, dear. Oh, what is it, dear? It's a stick up, lady. Just keep calm, dear. Oh, Eric. Just take it easy and nobody ain't going to get hurt. Eric, I'm frightened. Stand behind me, dear. I'll protect you. Okay, buddy. Hand me over all your cash. Oh, Eric. He's going to take all our hard earned money. Oh, no, he's not, dear. Oh, yes, I am. Uh, not a penny. Now, now, listen, buddy. This lump in my pocket ain't a bunch of grapes, you know what I mean? I've seen your kind before. I think you can bully whom you please. You've never turned a hand to earn an honest day's wages or I miss my guests. Well, you can't bully me. I'll not stand for it. It's time you learned once and for all that crime does not pay. Look, Mac, my trigger finger's getting awful itchy. Well, scratch it, then. Scratch it? If you really needed the money, if you'd come to me as an honest man in trouble, I'd have given you the money. All right, if I make you feel any better, you can think of me as a rubin' trouble. Now, just give me the dough, huh? No, not now. You, you, hooligan. It's the principle of the thing. Now, I shan't give you a cent, not one cent. Yeah, but this is a stick-up. Ha! Look, look, just put up your hands, will ya? I'll get the money myself. Oh, Eric, please, let's not take any chances. Let's, let's put our hands up, Eric, please. Just this once. Not on your life. Now, now, buddy, I'm warning you. Hey, what's that smile for? On second thought, my dear, we will put up our hands. Oh, thank you, Eric. Thank you. The bunnies in the register, my friend, just opened the drawer. Alrighty. How do I get this thing open? Just push the no-sale button. No-sale button. Like this? Ha-ha! Trick you! No, no you don't. Oh, Eric, be careful! Now, the jig is up. Just stand where you are. P-p-p-please don't shoot. Didn't think I'd have a revolver hidden away in the cash drawer, did you, my fine-fetted friend? Now, give me your gun. Hand it over. Okay. Oh, okay. Here it is. Sorry, I dropped it. I'll pick it up for you. Oh, no, you don't. No, I'll get it. Look out, Eric. He's got a bottle of ketchup. Oh, yes! Oh, man, I'm shot. I'm dead. No, you're not. I just had to shoot the bottle out of your hand. My hero. Can't understand why I missed it for the first bullet. Better call the police, my dear. Call the police. Well, that's what happened. As you know, Inspector, the officer arrived and brought us all down here. Now, that's all you want. I really should be getting back to... That's not quite all, Mr. Madison. Well, I don't see why not. Well, you can show Mr. Madison to the waiting room now and bring in Mrs. Madison. Mrs. Madison? And we've heard two versions of the story. You just want to hear her tell it. Well, I don't understand. Just for the record, Mr. Madison, routine. Oh, yes, of course. Oh, this way, Mr. Madison. Mrs. Madison, will you tell us what happened this morning? Well, my husband has already told... It's just routine, Mrs. Madison. We have to have it. Yes, that's right. Well... No, no, no. Just tell us what happened as nearly as you can remember. Now, I may have forgotten a few things you understand. It was quite a shock. We understand. Well, at about eight this morning, or, let's see, maybe about quarter past... Honey? Yes, dear? I don't think this attic machine is working right. Oh? It keeps saying one dollar and eleven cents and twenty-six cents is a dollar thirty-seven. A dollar and eleven cents and twenty-six cents is a dollar thirty-seven, dear. Oh. Well, maybe that's why I keep saying that. Honey, on this bottle of ketchup, what's it say? I can't make out the price you put on it. Oh, just a minute. I'll be right there. Maybe you'd better take care of the customer first, Eric. Hmm? Oh, good morning, sir. I didn't see you. Come in. Put down a bottle, mister. Pardon me? I says put down a bottle so you can put your hands up in the air. Here's a stick up. A stick up? Oh, watch it. Watch it. Oh, now look what you've done. You've got ketchup all over me. Oh, I'm sorry, sir, really. I'm sorry. Never mind. Just stand back. You too, girly. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Just stand back there. The man's got a good gun. Oh, it really is a hold-up, isn't it? Well, I've got to do something. Yeah, do something. Just open a till, that's all. Give me all your money. Anything, anything, sir. Only don't shoot. Don't be frightened, Eric. He's not going to shoot. Oh, yeah? What makes you think I am not going to shoot? A big, handsome guy like you wouldn't shoot a poor, defenseless little girl like me, would you? Come on now, would you? Well, well, I mean... What about the guy here? He's your husband. Please, don't wave that gun around like that. What makes you think I wouldn't shoot him? I'm a pretty tough customer, you know what I mean? Shoot him? Why bother? Huh? We'll just raise your voice and he'll tremble. Go ahead, try it. Go on. Oh, come on, this is screwy. Try it. Say something menacing like, uh, now see, hear you. Okay, okay, I'll try it. Now see, hear you. See what I mean? Hey, you're right. I bet if you said boo, he'd faint. Hey, you think so? We're at the try. I think I will. Hey, you. Me? Yeah, you. Boo. See, he fainted. Yeah, I don't know what had it in me. Well, you just don't know your own strength, big boy. Hey, tell me something. Why are you looking down like you fall for a guy like that? Oh, I don't know. I guess I thought he was strong like you. And I guess I was in a hurry. You know how a girl gets to think in the right manner, never come along. And then when he does, well, what does a poor girl do? Huh? You're so strong and so masterful. Me? You talking about me? You, you just take what you want. Life isn't so easy for a girl, you know. Big strong men just can't imagine. The toil, the strife, the hardship, the tears and endless waiting for the right man. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Well, it makes some women hard, but I wouldn't let it happen to me. I knew that someday you'd come. Yeah, but how did you know it was me? Well, a girl knows these things. I felt it from the moment you came into the store. You saw how I looked at you? Yeah, yeah, I saw how you looked at me. Hey, I want to say that I'm sorry about the gun. I hope it didn't frighten you. Oh, what was that compared to the look in your eyes? From the moment I saw you standing there, it was, well, bigger than both of us. It was? Uh-huh. No kidding. Didn't you, didn't you feel it? Well, I, I... Yeah, I guess that's what it was, all right? I don't have to guess. Hey, want to know something? You and me could make pretty beautiful music to get it, baby. Let's grab the Dora cash register and Lambert for Mexico. Anything you say, handsome. I'll get the money. Can you, can you get over, Eric, all right? I can get it. Oh, no, no, it's all right. Now, you just see, all I do is push the button, reach in the compartment and, uh, grab this gun. Hey, wait a minute. Just shut the gun out of me, honey. Don't honey me, you... See? But what about Mexico? Did you really think I fell for you? What kind of a woman do you think I am? This is the man I love. Eric, can you ever forgive me? I was the only where I had to fool you to save us both. Eric, Eric! Oh, there wasn't no other way. Hey, wait a minute. You mean you really loved that when you could have had me? Oh, he may be a weakling, a simpering yellow-livered coward afraid of his own shadow, but at least he's honest if nothing else, and I love him. Eric! Oh, Eric, wake up. You've got to call the police. And that's just the way it happened, Mrs. Madison? Well, uh, I may have forgotten something, but that's just about how it happened, Inspector. You're a very brave woman, Mrs. Madison. Oh, thank you, Sergeant. Well, now, if you don't mind, my husband and I really should be getting back. Oh, yes, of course. Sergeant Quinn, will you have those statements typed? It won't take long, Mrs. Madison. It'll save you a trip later. Later? If you'll just wait for about five minutes and sign the prepared statements, then you won't have to come back and sign them later. Well, but, uh, well... All right. This way, Mrs. Madison. It won't take long, ma'am. You'll probably be back in the store within the hour. Well, Inspector, I guess I owe you a cup of coffee. Yeah, I guess you do, all right. Three people at the scene of the crime and three different stories. Yeah. Which one do you suppose is true? One of them's got to be right. We may never know. Say, Inspector, it's too bad you haven't got that waiting room of yours bugged. Sergeant Quinn. Well, I mean, that is, I... I know it wouldn't be right, but... No buts about it. Oh, I mean, just out of curiosity. Very idea that we might listen in on a private conversation between two such civic-minded citizens should be abhorrent to a good police officer. Yes, sir. That kind of eavesdropping went out with rubber hoses in the third degree. I'm sorry, sir. Well, I should hope so. You'd better give those statements to the typist. Yes, sir. You might as well take Merton downstairs and book him for the crime. Okay, Chief. Huh. Too bad we haven't got the room bugged. And I had such hopes for that boy. It wouldn't be interesting, though. I suppose the man found himself in earshot. It wouldn't be eavesdropping. I'll say, uh, there was a chair right here by the door. And a fellow jet just happened to be standing on it so that his head was next to the transom and the transom were open just a little bit. A few minutes, a few minutes. You should be over the state line by now. State line? Why'd you tell him a story like that? I didn't know I was going to be telling any story at all. I thought I did real well for the spur of the moment. You thought, don't make me laugh. Listen, that was your idea to blow the whistle on my bum. Ho-ho-ho, big man. Wouldn't that make a funny joke? Listen, if they'd looked in that storeroom and found the guy that really owned the market the way we tied him up... Look, we knocked over a market and the guy tries to knock us over while we're doing it. Now, I tell you, it was the only way. Yeah, if I'd had my way, that bum would be wrapped up with some cold cuts at the bottom of the river now. Jumping Jupiter. Hello. Hello. This is Lafferty. Send a uniform officer into my waiting room and tell him to arrest the two people in there in the same robbery. That's right, in my waiting room. Then send a car to the Pinedale Market. Tell the policeman they'll find a proprietor tied in the back room. Now, don't ask questions, do as I say. Yes, that's all. No, no, wait a minute. Catch Sergeant Quinn and tell him to release Merton, not to book him. That's all. Uh, sugar and cream in your coffee, Inspector? Black, thanks. Uh, I really have to hand it to you, Chief, the way you figured out that case. Really clever investigation. Well, Sergeant, you're bound to learn a little something after 20 years on the force. You know, it's a funny thing. I thought Al Merton was going to cry when I let him go. He wanted to know if maybe I couldn't stick him with impersonating an officer. I guess he's just lost on the outside. You know, you know, I'll bet he figures out another way to cop a rap, to get himself sent up. Oh, no, no, no. I don't think so, Quinn. All right, everybody. This is a stick-up, and you'd better stand still because I'm a mighty tough customer. And this ain't a bunch of grapes I got in my pocket. You know what I mean? Oh, how are you, Inspector? All right, Al, you win. Let's go home. This is Richard Denning again. We often feel that our own problems are unique, that for others life is rather easy sailing. Sometimes our problem is the endurance of a great sorrow. But oftentimes it is the steady frustration which monotony induces in us, an endless procession of uninteresting, uninspiring tasks and duties. We feel that life is passing us by. We forget to look around us and see what many others really have to put up with, what a tonic it is, and how encouraged we are when we meet with manly and womanly poises and dignity in the sufferance of trials both great and small. More often than not, when this poise and balance is genuine and trouble-proof, we find that it comes from personal prayer and undeniable confidence that God is one's anchor. And family prayer too is the anchor of the home. No storm of misfortune or of temperament really can wreck the family which family prayer anchors. It makes a family poised and durable when everything seems bound to crack it up. Our bursts of temper, turbulent nerves, fits of disgust and unwarranted rivalries can reach destructive proportions. But when our Lord comes among us as we pray, the gales subside. We of so little faith are renewed in our faith. Our faith in ourselves, in others, and in Him. In reality, the family that prays together stays together. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. From Hollywood Family Theater has brought you transcribed Citizens Arrest, starring Virginia Mayo and Michael O'Shea and featured Alan Reed. Others in our cast were Ralph Moody and Jerome Bakewell. The script was written and directed by Robert Hugh O'Sullivan with music composed and conducted by Henry Mancini. This series of Family Theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program, by the mutual network which has responded to this need and by the hundreds of stars of state screen and radio who give so unselfishly their time and talent to appear at our Family Theater stage. To them and to you, our humble thanks. This is Tony LaFranco expressing the wish of Family Theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you to join us next week when Family Theater will present Roughneck, starring Phil Carey. Ricardo Montalban will be your host. Join us, won't you?