 No is no. Kikari was a vivacious young girl living with her mom in a busy part of Okukumaiko in Lagos, Nigeria. It was not unusual for her mom to ask her child to go and buy biscuits from Mamabisi, Huskyosk, served as the local grocery store. It was also usual for the neighbors to watch TV in each other's homes as not everyone owned one. One day the evil monster called rape reared its head in the person of the male neighbor who had always had a smile and a kind word for Kikari. The family did nothing and so the police did nothing. Hush! No one must know. It's your fault. You've brought this grace to us as though this was the fault of Kikari and not the wicked act of a pervert who should be locked away and the Kishtron away forever. Did you know that in Nigeria in 2020 alone there was nearly 40% increase in rape and domestic sexual violence against women? Are you aware that in 2018 the official Nigerian demographic and health survey found that 30% of girls and women aged between 15 and 49 reported suffering sexual abuse in one form or another. So this means that one in three women that you know, a child, a sister, a colleague, a friend, a cosmet, a relative has been sexually assaulted or violated. The scary part is she may never speak about it to you or anyone. For fear that she is ridiculed and humiliated because of our culture of shaming and because we live in a society which says why were you dressed like this? What were you looking for there? Good girls don't get raped. How can you say you did not want it? What were you doing there? Now just to be clear, rape is a criminal offence in Nigeria. Under the criminal code of Nigeria section 357 and 358 rape is defined as having unlawful canal knowledge of a woman or girl without her consent or with her consent. If the consent is obtained by force or by means of threat or intimidation of any kind or by fear of harm or by means of false act or in case of a married woman by pretending to be her husband. Now this offence is actually punishable by imprisonment for life with or without caning. Under the criminal code of Nigeria section 282 a man is said to commit rape who has had sexual intercourse with a woman in any of the following circumstances against her will without her consent, with her consent when the consent is obtained by putting her in fear of death or hurt. However, this code is only applicable in the northern states of Nigeria. Yet, according to the International Center for Investigative Reporting website, there have been only 65 rape convictions between 1973 and 2019 in Nigeria. What an abysmal number considering the prevalence of this crime, considering that one in three women, you know, have been sexually molested or assaulted. Is it that the victims are not reporting for fear of shame? Is it that we've kept inadequate records? Or is it a poorly administered judicial system that protects a perpetrator over a victim? How can we explain to people that no is no? How can we remind everyone that the child is not a sex toy? How can we hold our courts accountable when cases are actually reported? How can we read our society of this despicable act? How can we support rape victims when they actually do come forward? The time has come for changes to the criminal code to be more stringent to punish perpetrators of this crime. There is urgency required in changing the mindset that a rape victim is somehow responsible for this offense. We actually need a sex offenders register where those who have been found guilty can actually be listed to protect us from future occurrences. However, we only have less than 70 names. We need to learn to speak up when we hear such accusations. We need to empower people to actually speak up when they have been victims of this crime. We need to teach everyone that no is no. This is one topic that tears my heart. I have a daughter. And even I, as you were right, I think I don't think there's any woman is in Nigeria that has not been a victim of sexual assault or indecency exposure. I don't think there's any because we are in a society where it's almost as if the woman is just there for, you know, for the taking. And I think the major issue here, apart from the judicial system is the conspiracy of silence. And unfortunately is the women who drive the conspiracy. You have mothers in homes that know that their fathers, the husbands are sleeping with their daughters. But she wants to save her marriage because society has said she must be married and if she and it is somehow her fault. And so it's a vicious circle. You have aunties that know you have sisters that know and everybody says be quiet. Now imagine if women who are custodians, especially the women who are custodians and the ones that are the major victims in this doesn't mean that they aren't men or boys. I think even some of our laws have been amended to reflect that a man can be raped too. But because the prevalence of the crime is on the side of the female, I feel so disheartened that women are not playing the, you know, the role in nothing. I think the most recent case we have is that Baba Ijasha case and one of the women just came out two days ago and all the woman to say that she begged Iyabo not to talk. Why? Why? If there's something that was done to this girl that needs to be reported, why is it that we think that these things should be hushed and kept quiet unless we break the circle of conspiracy of silence? Honestly, there's nothing that can be done. Honestly, we probably will not even see any rape case in another 10 years, any conviction. So we need to speak to women, we need to empower our girls, we need to also tell them that even if it is because they said the girl was walking naked, it does not give any man, any woman, any right to rape. Go and report instead that there's a mad person running from the street, a kind person, but not to rape. Absolutely agree with you, comfort. And you know, another big problem, and I don't want to even go into the problems, I want to talk more about the solution, but another big problem is the fact that the little little things that we allow, you know, allow to happen that lead to these things. You know, a lot of men are so uneducated and so ignorant, a lot of families are so, I mean, these neurons are astounding. I have two daughters, I mean, there are certain places I don't hit my daughters when I'm playing with them. So they understand that touching this part of your body is not like it's given by your father. You know, they put it so uncle, they say, no, it's not your uncle, is it your uncle, is it your mother? No, so it's mister. So they're setting boundaries that we have to start. My daughters are seven and two, you know, from that level, you have to start indoctrinating these things. So they realize that, you know, even if their mother wants to be unfortunate or any other family by themselves because they may be empowered, they understand there are some things that should not be allowed. So we have to start looking at these little things. So someone comes in, I also come and say, no, don't sit on this lap. No, there's a chair, sit on the chair, you know, because, I mean, maybe 50 years ago or 100 years ago, it was OK to sit on your own. But today, there are so many people around that even have these tendencies that even they don't know until they, you know, until they start to exhibit those things. So it's very important that very early on we start to indoctrinate our daughters. It's like that's the way we have to start now because we want to go to the 70 men that have been represented since 1970, you know, that's what I'm going to go into. I think dealing with our daughters and again, dealing with the men as well. Because, listen, there is nothing for me as barbaric, as inhumane, as use any word, any adjective you want, as rape. Because what you are saying is it's demeaning, in my view, it's an insult. It's great, it's bigger than saying, like we say, your mother, this is the height of it. Because you're taking someone, sex is so important that it's price. If he's giving it to you or she's giving it to you herself, fine, but you're taking it. I personally feel that, but I feel any man that is able to rape, she's not just being the sex offender's register, register, she'll be castrated. Fine, because listen, I'm telling you, because they said without killing, I don't understand. I mean, that's it. And that's how bad it is for me, but I like to go on a touchy bit of it, which we are a lot of time, we don't like to talk about. And I'll start this way, so that we can understand. Listen, if I drive a G-Wagon 2020 model and I drive it, go to Oshodi or, let's say, any other place. And I leave the ignition in, the key in, I wind down, I come down from the car and I cross the road to buy something. And my car is stolen. I'll be called careless, but that doesn't mean the police is not the responsibility to go look for the car for me. I think looking at the demand over time, looking at the mind frame of men, even some women set these women up for rape. We need to, and some men are so careless and so weak mentally that anything they see, they must touch. And we don't have a security to protect you. I think are women, not the kids, but the women who have control over their body, who can go to any place at any time. We need to start watching how we appear in certain places most importantly. I know, yes, I know a lot of times we say, is my body, the fact that my body is this doesn't mean if it turns you, it means you are weak. Yes, we know it's weak, but when it affects you, the law is not strong, not the law this time, because the law is there to protect you, although we don't apply it. But the security and the condition there is not strong enough to protect you. Because listen, I saw on TV yesterday about city guys, they were accused of raping a girl and killing her in a law university of Eloring. Looking at them, it's obvious they were on drugs. The amount of drug abuse we have in the system right now, and the man seen a lady that already undressed in a particular way. It doesn't mean you don't have your right. The same way you have your right to drive your car and park it anywhere, in some places in Lagos and when you're driving you hide your phones. You don't hold it. It's your phone. You bought it with your money. But for your own safety, you keep it just to avoid anything going wrong with you. I think we need to look at that piece as well. I disagree. I said this touchy. I completely disagree. I don't agree because that's not a sustainable solution. It's not even a solution. Do you understand? If you see a man walking naked, a man, there are mad men that walk up and down the street naked because they are mad. Do women go after them and say they want to? Because you don't have that problem yet. People women, I don't think that it's a sustainable solution. And it's not even a solution because how do you say I should control what I wear based on somebody. There are women that are hijacked from head to toe but they get raped. No, hold on. And that's why I use the car as an example. The fact that you're keeping your car on the road and installing. Now you can even park your car in the house, put your fence and people will still jump. But when you are in town, you don't say okay because I park it at home and everybody can still leave it. I think we need to look at that piece as well. That's the most sensitive part and should not be discussed. Most of these things happen when they are little. The highest percentages are from a certain age bracket and they are mostly young vulnerable girls. So are you saying a child wearing certain things is going to appeal to him? No, that's what I'm saying. There are different aspects. We can discuss this on and on. I know this has no end. Just to speak a bit of what he said. In my understanding of what you're saying, let's educate both young and older women. So what you educate them on is also important. So if you say to them, don't wear this or don't wear that, that's not really the conversation. It's not about really what you're wearing. It's first there's a male species that has a problem. Exactly. So if you understand, if you're going to lion's den, you're not going to say a dog, you're not going to say a dog. Children who don't have these. Those are exceptional cases. They are not exceptional cases. They are the most rampant cases. You know right, a woman's body belongs to her. If she says no, no is no. There are no excuses to it. We need to start to educate the men to do better. We need to start to educate the men. There are many women willing to give it up for free. You don't need to rape a woman. So we hope that this conversation triggers something in you. It's never enough time for us to deep dive, but we want it to be a conversation starter. Go and have those conversations with people and let's start to fix our nation one problem at a time. So join us again next week on another edition of The Advocate. The Advocacy continues on our social media platforms on Facebook plus TV Africa. Hashtag The Advocate NG. And on Instagram it's plus TV Africa. Hashtag The Advocate NG. And to catch up with previous broadcasts, go to plus TV Africa dot com slash The Advocate NG. Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel on plus TV Africa. Join us next week, same time on this station and let's keep advocating for a better society. Bye everyone. Bye. Bye. .