 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay.com And I'm so excited to be in doing this short video for you today our topic his silence makes him miss you It's like a puppy dog. He misses you Really quickly if you're brand new to my youtube channel Please hit the subscribe button at the bell seek we notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the youtube algorithms Also, these are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis And if you post questions in the group, I shoot personalized videos just for you So check out the link in the description to my VIP group. All right Let's talk about how silence makes a man miss you. So Well, let's think about this for a second. I want you to think when a man ignores you Well, let's say you're in a relationship with someone you like this person you enjoy spending time together You you communicate on a regular basis and all of a sudden he goes silent on you for a variety of reasons He feels like he's ignoring you. He disappears. It feels like he ghosted you. How does that feel? When you experience that Do you miss him? Do you have anxiety? Do you feel frustration? Do you feel anger? What are the feelings that happen when someone goes silent? Well, I can say it can be rather frustrating to go through this experience And I want to spend a moment to share why this happens and then how to lean into something that shifts your narrative all the way around So the thing is whether it's a man or woman most the time when a person goes silent It's because there's some sort of chaos going on in their life. It might be their work life It might be their their family life. It might be a contentious ex. It might be health issues The reality today is most people are Carrying a lot of weight on their shoulders Even when they're in a relationship with someone and they don't feel comfortable Sharing that weight with another human being because they haven't developed this yet And I'm gonna talk about that in a second. I want you to think about this I know for many of you women you get very attached to a man In fact women have a propensity of giving their power away in relationship And when I mean by giving your power away the relationship is all predicated on whether how he feels about you I'm gonna beat that the relationship is all predicated based on how he feels about you instead of how you also feel about him and I see this happening frequently in relationship. It's all in fact when Relationships ends. It's always about what he didn't do right and why he didn't do this Instead of looking inward as to what might be going on inside of me and if you're not familiar with my book And why I'm sharing this now is my book is called what the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get my book why I'm sharing this with you It's a book about understanding that no matter what in life You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first Repeat that you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first Just like when the flight attendant says if you're traveling with small you know in the case of cabin pressure change Oxygen masks will drop down and if you're traveling with small children put it on yourself first and I just spit Because you can't be a benefit to anybody else if you can't take care of yourself So right from this moment ladies I really want to encourage you to recognize that a relationship is a two-lane street It's a two-lane street of both mutually making effort in other words It's not about him making all the effort and you just leading back in your feminine energy and he'll just naturally claim You know it's about mutually making effort in the relationship. Now. You're probably going well Jonathan What does this have to do about a guy's silence and what does silence make? How did how do I make him miss you? Jonathan, how do I make this guy miss me? You know, I'm not a big proponent of missing and I'll share about that in a moment But I am not a big proponent about missing and I'll explain why But coming back to why do these things happen miss because the reality is is folks We are dealing with the population of human beings Especially in midlife that are rather dysfunctional if you haven't seen my newest graph It says emotional maturity Relationship skills and on this side. You see the word clinical these this means that there are a lot of people with clinical issues whether it's borderline whether it's Bipolar disorder whether it's narcissism. I mean there are some really there are probably 11 different clinical issues out there and A big percentage of the population has experienced that by the way really quickly. This is not fact This is just my opinion 20% of the population is clinical then about 60% of the population is Dysfunctional when it comes to relationship skills. I repeat that 60% of the population is probably Dysfunctional when it comes to relationship skills and lastly probably 20% are rather healthy So for the healthy guy that's going through that chaos in his life He actually can lean into the relationship because this one element exists in the relationship And that's what I want to talk about today. Okay, because And this is very confusing because if you're in that if you're in that bracket You've if you're in a relationship with a guy who has clinical issues It's going to be very difficult to form a relationship with them And if you're with the man who's very dysfunctional and by the way, this isn't just for men This is for women too. Okay, if you're with someone who's dysfunctional It's very difficult to build the foundation To the relationship that can actually build your house if someone is going through dysfunction. Okay And I'm here to say that most human beings are good people. They're just unaware of Their issues they're unaware of their traumas from the perspective of how to actually heal it and some people are very resistant to it men become very stoic and oftentimes we just go inward and Instead of expressing our self outward and I got to tell you there are men Thirsty to want to share and yet they don't know how nor do they feel safe? Repeat that there are men thirsty for intimacy and they don't know how nor do they have do they feel safe And that's did you hear the word I said intimacy intimacy into me you see if you follow my work You know, I'm a big proponent of ladies. I continually say Men are not the leaders of a relationship. Women are the leaders of the relationship What's that expression? You're the head and I'm the neck kind of thing. I mean, I'm here to say you're actually in a great position To lead the relationship in such a way that bonds the two together in a very strong healthy way The problem is you've been so indoctrinated that men are the leaders of relationship And you've been also so indoctrinated in this belief that the dating process is just about having fun Let's just have fun focus on the fun. You can worry about the serious stuff later The problem with worrying about the serious stuff later is that once you get attached It's very difficult to detach from someone That you start to have feelings for so wouldn't it make sense to ask better questions in the dating process to Determine if the two of you are on the same page I'm a big proponent of asking better questions You can even get on the phone before a first date and ask some really deep serious questions In fact, if you're not familiar with the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman They've already laid out the questions You should be asking before you get serious with someone But Jonathan everybody tells me it's a numbers game And if I just do this amount of people in the metrics say if I do this I will naturally fall in love Folks Relationships is not a numbers game Dating is not a numbers game dating is a prospecting game, and it's a pre-qualifying game Repeat that. It's a prospecting and pre-qualifying game Because the problem is today and I'm gonna what I'm about to share is the silence that I encourage all of you to have going forward And that is to silence the voice in your head to silence the Expectation to silence the fairytale and to replace it with an understanding of learning how Relationships actually work when you can replace that Fantasy all the movies we've seen and everything else if we can replace the fantasy of how the dating process should work replace it with an understanding of the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and Also replace it with the understanding that you are in charge of your relationship destiny not him You're in charge of your destiny not him when you can replace that you are actually now setting yourself up to be in a relationship And I'm just about to say it's not about him missing you missing you like a puppy dog It's not about him missing you it's about the following appreciating you And how does appreciation happen in romantic relationship? It happens through this one element And that is look it I'm gonna talk about this one element a second But I want you to just pay attention for me for a second. I know it's rather frustrating men come on strong They do the you know, you've heard the terms love bombing and all this stuff Here's the thing when guys come on strong when guys are love bombing We are driven by our testosterone and our desire to be physically intimate with you most men when they come on way too strong They're experiencing lust or limerence. I'm gonna repeat that lust or limerence limerence means extreme infatuation And so as my mom used to say you got to take men with a grain of salt And if you're not familiar with the phrase men are the gas women are the brakes when a guy is coming on strong That's not an indicator of relationship success a Relationship is built in little bit of stages and little bit of stages in fact It takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to build level one of trust with another human being and that's not Telephone time that's face-to-face time. It takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time to develop that one level of Trust layer one of trust and I want you to think of trust You know as a layer you build it over time. I can see my shirt. Don't be a salty bitch By the way really quickly Those you know know I my son passed away a few years ago my son Connor his nickname was salty So I get all these beautiful messages from all of you folks about salty and such like that So I just want to tell you his nickname is salty. That's why I wear salty things Salty cruise salty life all this stuff. Okay. I went off on a tangent. Let's bring it back to missing and appreciation missing and appreciation The best relationships happen when two people Appreciate one another and the best way to create appreciation is through intimacy through intimacy both verbal intimacy as well as physical intimacy and The following and I'm going to share that in a second, but really quickly if you're not familiar There's a book This might be out of stock right now, but there's a great book called oral sex oral sex Talking and listening your way to passionate intimacy folks It's time to become genuinely intimate with one another From a heart-centered space and the best way to create intimacy is through friendship Through developing the friendship that means spending time with social activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends This is how you're going to build the friendship component of a relationship Because if you ask anybody who's been married 30 40 50 years and they're happily married they all say the same thing I married my best friend. I married my best friend when I think of my mother and father You know one of the things I shared a second ago is social activities hobbies mutual interest One of the hobbies my parents had was playing backgammon almost every night I watched them play backgammon growing up and they got into the game and they got so intense with one another you thought It was World War three But they looked forward to getting together with them with the you know They looked forward to their backgammon game with each other every night. I witnessed this my entire life In fact, I shared the following experience with some of you previously. I Once dated a woman. This is about half a decade ago And on our second date she pulls out a deck of cards. She pulls out a deck of cards And she says are you into gin rummy? And it wasn't really into it But we played a game and then we played another one and I'm very competitive and she was very competitive She was kicking my butt and and then we ended up going to a bar for our second date And we sat at the bar and we played gin rummy and then every time we got together I think we went out six or seven times We played gin rummy together and when we stopped seeing each other all I could think about was playing gin Rummy with somebody else I enjoyed the hobby doing something with somebody and then during the time you're just beside the competitiveness You're talking about your feelings. You're talking about your life. You've your guard is down And what men are thirsty for is for genuine connection and intimacy now The clinical men they're incapable of it the dysfunctional men they desperately need it They just don't know how the healthy men are already on the path of making this all happen So here's my suggestion for you and this is what's critically important right now ladies is to remember you are in charge of your Relationship destiny don't leave it up to a man start to encourage a greater connection with one another by Recommending social activities hobbies mutual interests. I mean these days everybody's playing pickleball at least where I live here in Southern, California So if you start dating someone and you're starting to connect and you're building that hundred hours together Maybe it's going for a walk together. Maybe it's playing pickleball together. Maybe it's playing gin rummy together Start doing things that connect you In a way that makes you feel like you're talking to a friend and learn some read some of the books I continually talk about so you're better prepared instead of this whole Fantasy way most everybody's dating using you know play hard to get be in your feminine energy. Look, I get it It's rather confusing. You're hearing contradictory advice. I know from me. You're I'm a contrarian. I'm intentionally giving you contradictory advice because You know if it if all that advice was so great, why isn't everybody happily in relationship? I'm the contrarian I'm here to suggest turning the tables around and taking charge of your destiny Because here's the bottom line the happiest relationships are people people that have chemistry shared that if you're not familiar with my Relationship iceberg really quickly they have this is the iceberg attraction chemistry But compatibility shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity Those are the people that have the healthiest happy relationships This is why it's good to vet these guys early on so you're not investing with the the clinical or dysfunctional men You're investing in heart guys who are already emotionally mature and if you need some support with that check out the link below To a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you my coffee mug says I'm Unstoppable This is from a foundation charitable foundation gala. I went to I want you to be unstoppable in your life Because here's the thing. I know it's very frustrating out there, but ultimately we all desire Connection we all desire to be made it on some level and my hope is that the content I provide with you provide for you shifts your perspective to allow that to enter into your life because I want you to be Unstoppable in your relationship I'm mostly unstoppable in loving on yourself. Will you do that for me? Will you love on yourself? I hope so all right Silence the voices in your head the expectation the fairy tale and replace it with intentionality and Build that friendship and he's not going to miss you. He's going to appreciate you. Let's hope he will anyway All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going I'd like to hear your thoughts on this post a comment below if you like the shirt You like the mug you like the books if you hate the shirt hate the mugs hate the books That's okay, too. You can tell me just be nice when you tell me Okay, just be nice if you find value in this, please share that please hit the like button Please tell your friends about my channel. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic job the barrack of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone pet teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could we could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now