 Oh, can it be a ray of sun that makes you happy when he awakes? Oh, no, it ain't his sun ray. It's the Grape Nuts Flakes. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don. Don, what's that? Well, Jack, we have to have a theme song for Grape Nuts Flakes, and I thought that would be a good idea. Well, that's awful. You better get another one next week. Okay. Grape Nuts Flakes Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The man of the house sounds before he has breakfast. He opens one of the iron groans, oh, what a day. What a day. But wait, give the man of the house a big tempting bowl full of delicious toasty brown Grape Nuts Flakes, and then you hear something like this. Oh, boy, what a day. What a day. Same words, same man, but notice the difference. The difference that goes with a swell tasting breakfast, and it's the makings of a swell tasting breakfast you get in each big 12-ounce package of Grape Nuts Flakes. Your favorite, multi-rich Grape Nuts flavor in toasty brown tempting flake form. So keep smiling, friends, on the home front with plenty of delicious sweet as a nut Grape Nuts Flakes. In the halls of theater in Palm Springs, California, we bring you that sun-tanned adenoids. That's Adonis, read it right. Oh, yes. Adonis. That's sun-tanned Adonis, Jack Benny. Thank you, sir. Who is that guy? Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, it sure is a thrill broadcasting for this all-army audience. Yes, it is, Jack. Just think, we have army nurses and patients here from Turney Hospital, soldiers from the Tank Corps at Camp Young, Army Air Force pilots from Camp Hemet, and pilots and ground crews from the Ferry Command. And don't forget the boys from the gliders school, the 29 pounds, they're here too. Oh, yes, yes, and that reminds me, will you fellas up there in the gliders quit looping around the chandelier? We're broadcasting. You don't see why they can't be their gliders outside. But you know, Don, with all these soldiers in this area, Palm Springs has really changed. What do you mean, Jack? Well, I know a cute girl that works in the drugstore up the street here, so last night I dropped in as usual to ask her for a date. And what happened? She's booked solid till 1987. I'll be down to get her in a wheelchair, honey. By the way, Don, where are you stopping here in town? Oh, I'm at the Deep Well, guest ranch. Oh, at the Deep Well, eh? Yes, where are you staying, Jack? Me? Oh, I'm at the shallow bucket motel. It's, uh, it's right in, it's right in back of the Deep Well. You can't miss it, it's a nice white building with a corral around it. Corral around it? Why, that's our stable. I know, when I say I'm gonna hit the hay at night, I really mean it. But the hotels are crowded, I don't mind roughing it here on the desert. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello. Here we are in old Palm Springs, with its sunshine oh so bright. Here it's calm and here it's peaceful. But hold your hats on Saturday night. Well, naturally, Mary, all the soldiers come to town on Saturday night and have a right to celebrate. I hear some of these boys haven't been off the desert in 12 weeks. You're telling me. Well, we didn't expect to laugh on that one, did we? I dropped my handkerchief on the main street yesterday and, oh, brother, what a riot. I mean, they moved in on you, eh? Yeah, now I know what they mean by a military objective. Well, after all, Mary, there aren't many girls around here. You said it. You should have been at the USO dance last night. What happened? I barely got started dancing when a corral came up and said, pardon me, miss, may my squad cut in? Squad, you mean to say you were out on the floor with eight fellas at once? Yeah, that's the first time I ever danced cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek. All right, I know what you mean, but you'd think that, well, look who's here, Dennis Day. Where? You. You're Dennis Day. Hello. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hmm, what are you staring at, kid? Gee whiz, look at all those big moths flying around. Moths? Well, now, for the last time, will you fellas and the gliders please come down? Relax at your day off. Well, Dennis, Dennis, what's on your mind? Mind? That's a hot one. I mean, uh, I mean, how do you like it here? Have you been having fun? Yeah, but this town sure has changed. Remember when we were here a year ago, and we used to step out with all those pretty girls? Yes, sir. You and I sure played gin rummy last night, didn't we? That, uh, that we did. How much did I win from you, kid? $300. Oh, yes. I can't understand it. We were only playing for matches. Well, you see, Dennis, those matches represented $10 apiece, and I had them all. When I had them all, a match was a match. Never mind. You had fun, so forget it. Say, Dennis, uh, Dennis, did you go around visiting the different camps and sing for the boys like I told you to? Yeah, and you know, Mr. Benny, I saw a lot of tanks at Camp Young, and they're painted all different colors. Well, sure, sure, Dennis, they camouflage them. Camouflage? What's that? That's the stuff they put on Jack's face when he makes a picture. That's makeup. Everybody uses it. In layers? Never mind. Anyway, it's about time for a band number. Say, Phil, Phil, have you got a good hot tune for us? If you're referring to a musical selection, I have one prepared that should be rather euphonious. Euphonious? That means it'll sound good. I know. You know now. I knew before. Well, what I want to know is, where did you get that high-brow language? Well, I've been studying English in night school. Oh, boy. Phil, what's a married man with a baby going to night school for? That's the only way I can get out of the house. Well, you ought to stay home. You studied French all last year, and you don't remember a thing. I do too. Get this. Gère, Peugeot Ray, Don, Les Palmes, Dertère. What does that mean? I went fishing in the mashed potatoes. Well, that's the silliest hobby I ever heard of. Phil, getting back to your euphonious musical selection, how about it? Wee-wee, Mamdelle. Hmm, go ahead and play. I went fishing in the mashed potatoes. Harris and his riveters of music. They really hammer it out. Say, Phil. Yes, Jackson? Phil, you and the boys are going back to Los Angeles Tuesday, aren't you? Yeah. Well, that's the day gas rationing starts. How are you going to get back? Well, you know that big bus we always ride in? Yes. Well, we're going back. I'm going to put my brass section behind it and let them blow. That's the best substitute for gas I've heard of. No kidding, huh? Well, Jack, gas isn't the only thing that's being rationed nowadays. No, there are a lot of things done. There's a half a pound of sugar a week, no whipped cream, one cup of coffee a day, and meatless Tuesday. But we'll just have to get used to it. Used to it? You've been rehearsing for this all your life. What are you talking about? I've always served a lot of food in my house. Go on. You wouldn't even put a piece of cheese in a mousetrap. I wouldn't, eh? Then how is it I catch four or five mice a week? Huh? I'll charm them with a flute. Listen, Mary, if you think I'm bad, you should have been at Eddie Cantor's house with me for Thanksgiving dinner. You had dinner at Cantor's house? Yes. I was on his program Wednesday night, and he didn't give me many jokes, so he invited me to dinner. I guess he didn't want to be a complete louse. Anyway, Eddie, Ida, the five daughters of myself, sat down to eat. Did you have turkey, Jackson? Yes. That's the only bird I ever saw that was beaten to death. You should have seen, Don, you should have seen how fast Ida and those five daughters went after the turkey. Henry Kaiser must have taught them how to eat. That food really disappeared. Well, Jack, what part of the turkey did you get? The runner. That Cantor's really a guy. Well, talking about Thanksgiving dinner, Jack, you should have been over to my house. Mmm, yum, yum. What did you have, Don? Well, for breakfast, I had a bowl of toasty brown sweet-as-a-nut grape nuts flakes right out of that 12-ounce economy-sized package. Good, but what did you have for dinner? Then around lunch, I felt hungry again, so I had another dish of grape nuts flakes. But what did you have for dinner? Well, for dinner, I had a great big turkey. Good. And Jack, do you know what my turkey was stuffed with? Yes, and I wish this was the $64 question. Do I know? Hey, Phil, Phil, did you have a nice Thanksgiving dinner? Oh, it was lovely. We started out with vichy sois à la crion. Yes. Then we had some palm-de-taire à la mette. Uh-huh. And then for our main dish, we had faisan rotisserie. Faisan, you know, roast peasant. That's peasant. Roast peasant. Phil, I give you my word of honor. You're stupid. You can believe me. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Can you imagine waiting through all that French and then stumbling on a peasant? That's life, Phil, that's life. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction this evening, the Benny Livestock Company. I mean, the Benny Livestock Company will present an unusual novel. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Unusual and novelby mean the same thing. Phil, if you don't shut up, I'll take that yo-yo off your baton. Now, it so happens that, um, it so happens that many of the tank troops who are engaged in the North African Campaign learn the principles of desert warfare right down here at Camp Young. So for our play this evening, we're gonna take you to North Africa and show you the amazing adventures of three boys who trained at Camp Young and who are now on the Sahara Desert. Am I gonna be in this? No, Mary, this is about soldiers. There's no part for a girl. You let me be in your play, or I'll tell all these fellas you live in a stable. They know that already. Do they know you're in their pitching for your room rent? All right, you can be in the play. Now, the, um, the three soldiers I spoke of will be, uh, Private Phil Harris, Private Don Wilson, and Corporal, I mean General, Jack Benny. That's the fastest promotion I ever heard of. What? From a pitchfork to a sword and two lines. All right, I'll be a corporal. Now, Dennis... Yes, please? Dennis, you're going to be a general in our play tonight. General Rommel. General Rommel? Whose side is he on? Nobody knows. They can't find him. They will, don't worry. Now, Dennis, uh, General Rommel is the head of what's left of the German army in Africa. And you're gonna be him. I don't want to be General Rommel. You'll be General Rommel. And now, folks... Well, I won't step on a goose. That's goose-stabbed. Won't step on a goose. Anyway, you're going to be that German general. It's only a play. And now, folks, this drama will go on immediately after a song by our temperamental tenor. Sing, kid. I thought I had a place in your heart, I see It never was me It was someone that my dream can never come true My hoping that you would love me Was only... Three dreams from the forthcoming picture Powered Girls sung for the first time on the air by Dennis Day. And incidentally, folks, Dennis sings that song in the picture. Yes, sir. Powered Girls. What part did you play it in, Dennis? I was Tilly, the third girl from the left. You will not stop showing off. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our drama of army life entitled Three Men in a Tank. So let us journey to North Africa to the Allied base in the little town of military secret Morocco. Curtain Music. Taxman for duty, General. What are the orders? Now listen, Benny, I have a special assignment for you and your tank crew. We've received information that General Rommel is hiding in the little town of... Now your orders are to proceed to that town and capture Rommel. Yes, sir. Write that down, Private Wilson. I haven't got a pencil. Write that down, Private Harris. I can't write. Okay, I'll memorize it. Now, General Rommel. I mean now, General. Rommel is pretty tricky. I'm on this mission and I'll capture Rommel. Or my naming... Quiet, Ham. Get moving. Yes, sir. Let's go, fellas. Detachman, forward. Here's our tank. We're off for the Libyan Desert. Darn those camels. Why don't they stay on their side of the road? Hey, are them things camels? I thought they were horses that had a bad night. And incidentally, Harris, you're the gunner and everybody clean up around here or we'll never get that gold star for tidiest tank in the outfit. How are you coming along, Wilson? Fine, sir. I'm all through dusting. All through dusting? Look at those Cretan curtains. I can hardly see the rose buds out. Take them out. Hey, Corporal, can I have a bottle of beer? It's right in the icebox. Help yourself. The icebox is empty. What? A fine tank with no beer. Oh, hostess. Hostess. Yes, Corporal. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. What are we having for dinner? Great nuts, Blake. Oh, boy. It says here. What else are we having? Broil camel chops with two humps of potatoes. Goodie. I think we're running low on gas, Corporal. Low on gas right in the middle of the desert. Well, I'll be done. There's a gas station right up ahead. I'll drive in. Here comes the attendant. Yes, sir. What can I do for you? We'd like some gasoline, please. Okay. Where's your A-book? That's not the December 1st. Now, fill up my tank's tank. Five gallons, please. Yes, sir. How much is that? Nothing. This is a mirage. I'll have to find a mirage after next Tuesday. Well, let's go, men. And I'm going to find Rommel on this desert. Or, ma, name me. Two days on this desert, no trace of Rommel. I wonder where we are. Here comes someone on a camel, and he's dressed like an Arab. Oh, yes. I'll see if I can make him understand me. Hello, there. Me, American soldier. You tell him where it can find Tripoli. I don't know. I'm a stranger around here. Well, aren't you an Arab? No, sir. I want these boomers shooting crabs. Oh, do they, uh, do they shoot crabs around here? You need the obvious to survival of the fittest. Well, uh, where did you get the camel? He knelt down and I faded him. Now, listen, stranger. We're looking for Rommel. Have you seen any Nazis around here? One out four razors, if that's what you mean. Good. Then he must be around here somewhere. Well, thanks for the information, mister. So long. So long. I'm a sheik of arrowbees down south in Africa. Now, how long we've been on this desert? What have we got for dinner, hostess? Roast turkey. Roast turkey, roast turkey, meat, meat. Why don't we have sardines once in a while? Are you kidding? I wonder where we are. Stop the tank, corporal. There's a time post up ahead. Oh, yes. Let's see what it says on that signpost. It says Benghazi, 23 miles. L, Agalia, 16 miles. Palm Springs Racket Club, 8,000 miles. And I want to get some tennis in before dinner. Oh, well. Hey, Corporal, look at that guy running across the desert. He fell in a track suit and he's coming toward us. Hello there. Say, mister, we're American soldiers. Maybe you can help us out. ... ... ... Which way is typically? What? I beg your pardon? Zoomed cup. ... Which way is typically? Wait a minute. I know that, Faith. You're General Ramo and you're under arrest. Arrest? Come on with us. We're American soldiers. little Hitler hears about this. American soldiers are almost bloodied, and the secret police is right in the Führers' face. In the package of delicious, Maldi rich grape nut flakes, I know just about what she's thinking. She's thinking of thrifty and nourishing breakfasts. She's thinking of her family's welfare. And now that we're being asked to restrict over meat consumption, we must all find new ways to balance our meals with foods that are plentiful and thrifty, such as milk and whole grain cereals. Breakfasts of grape nut flakes help to do just this, because grape nut flakes are a whole grain cereal, so they bring you important whole grain food levels, including iron, niacin, and a generous amount of the essential nerve and energy vitamin B1. So remember, ladies, when you think of nourishment, flavor, and thrift, be sure you think of grape nut flakes. We're very late, so good night, folks, and thanks, everybody.