 I'm olive soap your beauty hope and bluster cream shampoo for soft glamorous Corressible hair bring you our miss Brooke starring Eve Arden Many school teachers work under different supervision during the summer months than they do in the regular school terms But not so our miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High summer school No, our beloved principal Osgood Conklin is very much a part of the deal as he puts it It doesn't matter what time of the year. It is Madison High is my baby And to prove it he holds it up by the heels and slaps it all summer It isn't that mr. Conklin's always in a bad humor why there are minutes at a time when he stops frothing at the mouth and The lightning that plays about his head subsides leaving just a few glowing coals nestled in his mustache Last Thursday morning at breakfast. I was discussing his latest diabolical device with my landlady, Mrs. Davis He calls it the Conklin carelessness code. Mrs. Davis. What in the world is that kind? Well, it's a list of petty offenses for which the faculty and students may be fined. Of course, these fines are purely voluntary Voluntary. Yes like income taxes The fines all go into a fund which will be used to buy a brand-new statue for the library What kind of a statue a statue of the man whom Osgood Conklin admires and respects more than anyone else in the world Who's that who else Osgood Conklin? You see when he first thought of the idea he put a receptacle in the hall for donations marked Osgood Conklin bust At the end of the day, he found six notes in it reading you said it That's what gave him the idea for the carelessness code leave it to Osgood. You don't have to leave it. He takes it What bothers me most though is the way he takes it every time he catches somebody committing one of the offenses Which he makes up as he goes along. He rattles a tin can and says feed the kitty feed the kitty Has he caught you yet Connie has he I've fed the kitty so often. I feel like a tall mouse Take last Tuesday for instance, I happened to run into mr. Boynton in the hall Well, I just didn't happen to run into him. I sort of aimed myself at But just as my favorite biologist and I greeted each other the bell rang for the next period and mr. Conklin came by and find me a dime for not being in my classroom That is straight. That's nothing Wednesday, I hit a parlay. I had to donate 15 cents because I went up a stairway marked down 20 cents for loitering near a fire exit Having your foot caught in the door loitering Do you have to submit to all these fines I mean has mr. Conklin the right to do all this we voted on it in assembly of course It was really more like a plebiscite, you know vote. Yes. Any way you want to Isn't the money I missed so much it's the lunches I could have bought with it Imagine it not having enough money for lunch. I don't have to imagine it those fines add up You know you poor dear it has been an expensive week for you, hasn't it? Yes, and that's what worries me so much today. I haven't got a dime in my purse. You can get me on a vagrancy wrap Well, maybe it's for the best the less I have on me the less I can donate to the bus for the bus Well, I had a good breakfast anyway, I'd better get ready to leave now Walter Dentons picking me up any minute But where's your car Connie at the tailors? Mrs. Davis the tailors Don't you mean the garage Connie? No, I'm having it pressed the last time I drove it in traffic. I got it all wrinkled I'm glad you called for me promptly today Walter the Conklin code provides a stiff fine for tardiness believe me Miss Brooks my punctuality was not inspired by purely altruistic motives By that I mean I too have been harpooned by our beloved principal. I'm glad you explained it I don't like the way things are going at Madison High. We've got to take some steps. What and get fine for stealing school property This code is nothing but medieval tyranny why yesterday he fined me 15 cents for whistling outside of his office At downright injustice. Why weren't you whistling? Well, sure I was whistling, but I didn't know he was in his office. I Was just trying to get Harriet's attention. She was down at the end of the hall Besides, I think the fine was exorbitant. Well, I gave was a two-finger job A two-finger job you mean where you put two fingers in your mouth and then blast yeah, that's the one 15 cents he soaked me I've heard that whistle Walter and in all honesty, I must confess that I consider seven and a half cents a finger very reasonable But the entire code is founded on injustice and Miss Brooks I've talked it over with the other kids at school and we've appointed you our leader me You are the logical member of the faculty to cross swords with mr. Conklin. Oh now wait a minute Walter I've crossed swords with mr. Conklin often enough to know that all you can get out of it is a bent sword But you can't avoid this responsibility miss Brooks, we've got a fight fire with fire You are the night we have chosen to slay the dragon. I'm sorry, Walter, but my card in the dragon slayers Union expired Besides the bust is supposed to be finished by tomorrow, but how do we know there's enough in the kitty to pay for it? I whoo here's a school Did I stop too suddenly for you not at all I always like to kiss the windshield goodbye Before I let you out, I'd like to ask another favor miss Brooks Would you please hold this 40 cents for me 40 cents? Yeah, it's my lunch money, and I don't want to have it on me in case mr. Conklin finds me for breaking some rule he makes up right after I've broken it Just put it in your purse for me. Will you all right, Walter added to what I've got in there now It totals one broken watch crystal and 40 cents I'll find a place to park you go on in miss Brooks. All right, Walter Maybe I'd better tiptoe past mr. Conklin's office squeaky shoes 20 cents Miss Brooks Please mr. Conklin we've got to talk this thing over very well, and would you like to step into my office? Thank you Now wouldn't you like to sit down? Yes, I would I thought you would that'll be 10 cents for not going straight to your first class Now come on miss Brooks feed the kitty feed the kitty That's what I wanted to talk to you about mr. Conklin many of the students are getting a little tired of your carelessness code Oh Is this in subordination about a nickels worth? Yes? I'm surprised at you miss Brooks. Don't you realize where this money is going? Yes, mr. Conklin It's going into a statue not just a statue miss Brooks rather the Statue which will serve as an inspiration to unborn generations of Madison high students And why not let them pay for it? Just where are you going to put this statue mr. Conklin why in the school library of course on that lovely mahogany Pedestal that overlooks the entrance you mean next to the bust of Julius Caesar instead of it miss Brooks That's a pretty big job summer replacement for Julius Caesar Where are you going to put the other statue before the Board of Education takes their next inventory Caesar may meet with an accident It's possible. He met with one before I Meant the statue miss Brooks who knows inadvertently it might be severely damaged why mr. Conklin You're not thinking not out loud. I'm not you know before I forget miss Brooks I want you to straighten out the records in the library at once Walter Denton's been acting as school librarian for the past few weeks and Needless to say he's made a mess of everything But mr. Conklin my regular school duties are quite and not this won't interfere with your school duties miss Brooks I hereby grant you permission to attend to this matter after school hour Why mr. Conklin how charming of you But about this carelessness code. Oh, thanks for reminding me you owe me 30 cents feed the kid here But I haven't got any money. Mr. Conklin. Please miss Brooks. I distinctly heard your purse rattle when you sat down Oh, well, I might as well add him bezeling to my other crimes. Here you are mr. Conklin But miss Brooks, I only asked for 30 cents. You put 40 in the kitty Hang on to it mr. Conklin. I'll try my best to earn another fine before the day is out Our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith Here's wonderful news ladies wonderful wonderful news now There's something thrillingly new in palm olive soaps famous beauty lather. Yes something thrillingly new palm olive's famous beauty Lather now brings you new fragrance new charm new allure millions of women will prefer beauty lather palm olive Over all other leading toilet soaps the minute they try it for palm olive soaps famous beauty lather Now has a new clean flower fresh fragrance for new allure new charm So ladies forget all other beauty care and use palm olive soap the way doctors advised for a lovelier Complexion just stop improper cleansing and instead wash your face with palm olive soap three times a day Massaging palm olive's wonderful beauty lather onto your skin for 60 seconds each time to get its full Beautifying effect then rinse that's all all types of skin young older oily Respond to it quickly. Don't wait another day to try palm olive's beauty lather You'll be thrilled by its new fragrance new charm new allure thrilled again by the fresher brighter Complexion doctors prove may soon be yours for new loveliness all over Use big bath size palm olive in tub or shower It has always been my experience that nothing stimulates the appetite quite as much as an empty pocket book It was with this poignant thought in mind that I approached the cafeteria at lunchtime as I strolled slowly down the long line of Tempting morsels on the steam table Harriet Conklin who was helping out behind-the-counter came over to me Can I serve you something miss Brooks? No, thank you just smelling I'll finish serving now. I'm gonna have my lunch. I've got it already on this tray here here to join me. All right, Harriet I'll have some water in a napkin Here we are gosh, this roast beef looks yummy. It certainly is did you have it with the barbecue sauce on it today? No, I smelled it plain today I'm sort of a diet Harriet. I don't know why you have to diet golly. I wish I had your figure So do I you could feed it better I Is the beef with that barbecue sauce on it delicious? Would you like a taste miss Brooks? Well, oh, I'm sorry if you're on a diet I better not tempt you Me tempt me I know how difficult it is sometimes to stay on a ton of that meat on this fork or I'll spear it from here Oh That is good, of course to me roast beef is good with or without barbecue sauce Oh to me too really I am one school teacher who offers proof positive pass. I'm over without the sauce Say that is good meat I'm certainly glad our cafeteria staying open during summer school not many of them. Do you know I know? Funny thing about tasting roast beef plain you forget how it tasted with the barbecue sauce I Miss Brooks, you don't really want another Any lunch all week one would be on the right track I Don't like to mention this while you're eating Harriet, but it's all because of your father His carelessness code has kept me broke. I'm against it too miss Brooks Daddy even finds me every chance he gets well there isn't anything we can do about it I guess you know there's something about that barbecue sauce that escapes me I think I'll just try Why Harriet what's the matter miss Brooks? You've gone south with our roast beef I'm sorry. I ate it all so rapidly. I was star Say isn't that mr. Boynton over by the steam table? Yes, it is when it comes to food the bashful biologist isn't very bashful He's getting himself a tray full all right, and he's coming this way miss Brooks Well, don't just sit there girl make room for those groceries Hello, Mr. Brooks Harriet. Hello, mr. Boynton. Would you like to join us? Oh, there's room enough I oh, there's plenty of room Harriet was just leaving, but I go get some milk dear It'll make you strong then you can wolf down some more roast beef tomorrow I guess I would like some milk at that see you later, mr. Boynton bye miss Brooks and so a new partnership starts I See we have lamb chops today Yes, there are certain vitamins found in lamb that enhance almost any type of balanced diet So I've heard but before you eat the mr. Boynton I wonder if you'd mind cutting off what you want and leaving the bones I saw a puppy on the way to school this morning who looked very Sorry miss Brooks, but it's sort of a priority on these bones my frog McDougal likes to nibble on them Yes, extraordinary isn't it he's the only frog I know of who can nibble on a lamb chop bone That's not so extraordinary. I know a girl who could nibble on a frog right now Mac into the cafeteria. I'll show you the girl. Oh, there you go kidding me again Yes hunger is a scream Maybe I'd better drop one more subtle hint mr. Boynton yes, I'm starving mr. Boynton Why don't you eat something? I'm against all these diets women inflict upon themselves suppose you are a little plump You may never get to that second blam chop Mr. Boynton I'm talking about today now lunch. I haven't eaten any because I don't have the money to buy any No, where is all your money? I'm land poor If the Conklin carelessness code continues, I'll land in the poor house Mr. Boynton I never borrow money if I can help it. I know you don't miss Brooks And I think that's one of your most admirable traits Many's of time. I've been tempted to offer you some financial assistance, but I've always said to myself Don't you dare Boynton miss Brooks is proud proud and resourceful She'll come through somehow That's what you said to yourself, huh yes indeed you've got to be more careful who you talk to Mr. Boynton it's getting pretty close to the end of the lunch period. I'd like just a small bite So that's all I'll put on you. I mean, could you lend me 25 cents 25 cents wife course miss Brooks? Here you are. Thanks. I'll pay you back just as soon. Oh, don't worry about paying me back gosh Anytime tonight will do Have we got a date for tonight? Didn't I tell you I've got tickets for the band concert on the mall I thought we'd spend the afternoon in the park and then have some dinner and dance and take in the concert How does that sound to you? All this and two bits, too I'll just get a sandwich or something and come right back to the table. All right, I'd better hurry. It's almost The end of the lunch period. So it is miss Brooke mr. Conklin and if memory serves you were supposed to be straightening out the library records after lunch Is that correct? Yes, mr. Conklin, but I've got an important engagement I'd like to keep this afternoon. It isn't always what we'd like to do that matters miss Brooks You were volunteered to work in the library and that's where you will have to spend the afternoon But mr. Conklin unfortunately while you were standing here chattering you've incurred another fine for tardiness Tardiness that'll be 25 cents miss Brooks I'm afraid I didn't keep these library cards very neatly miss Brooks. They're pretty thoroughly scrambled If I had some ketchup, I'd have them for lunch Let's see here these cards really are scrambled What does this cryptic entry mean the three musketeers? Alexander Dumas or Mike Shaughnessy. Oh the three musketeers is the title of a book. Yes I know Walter, but underneath the title. Why did you write Alexander Dumas or Mike Shaughnessy? Well, frankly miss Brooks. I was a little confused You see I couldn't remember whether Alexander Dumas wrote the book and Shaughnessy took it out or if Shaughnessy wrote it Give me Walter if Dumas took it out this library isn't for me Well, you better let me straighten these cards out myself. You find something else to do Okay, miss Brooks. I'll grab a rag and dust off old marble head old marble head Yeah, that's what we call a statue of Caesar because his head's made out of marble Of course, even though mr. Conklin's head isn't made out of marble. We also call him. Yes, I know You needn't bother dusting off this old marble head Somebody else in school is planning to dust it off permanently In fact Caesar may meet with an accident almost any time now. I beg your pardon miss Brooks Well, what do you know the Ides of March? These floors are quite slippery a person could very easily lose his balance and be Gosh you accidentally knocked over old Conklin mr. Marblehead What a shocking misfortune Why I love this statue of Caesar with his delicately chiseled features his fine Roman nose You better learn to love him without his nose. It just rolled under the desk Here Walter help me lift Caesar back on the pedestal. No, no, no, please. It was my clumsiness that knocked it off I'll lift it back on myself. Oh steady does it good firm grip now Walter yes, miss Brooks that Caesar up in the next alley. Mr. Conklin's got another shot coming. I I dropped in to inform you miss Brooks. Thanks to your last contribution my statue has been paid for in full It will be delivered tomorrow morning and unveiled at noon. I shall want it kept undercover and Denton, what are you stuffing into that canvas bag the things that are Caesars, mr. Conklin His ears and nose and also the rest of him I figured I could take it over to the shop and patch it up a little and just leave it where it is dentin You see miss Brooks. We have only the one pedestal haven't we just and Since Julius has been so brutally damaged. Oh, he won't be damaged anymore, mr. Conklin I'll see to that this statue is school property and if anyone tries to injure it in any way I'll report him to the student council and the board of education Zellas little Beagle isn't it? Denton you are dismissed as of right now. Have a mr. Conklin shouldn't I go boy? Goodbye boy Now then miss Brooks if you'll excuse me I'll return in just a little while and personally take care of fixing that statue. Yes. I know you will mr. Conklin, but good Pardon me miss Brooks, but where shall I put this statue statue? Oh, just put it on the desk here for now Well, if it isn't old marble head the second. Yeah, it's pretty good likeness of mr. Conklin, isn't it? If you like mr. Conklin's likeness, yes But this wasn't supposed to be delivered until tomorrow. I know but the custodians just told me they wanted to surprise mr. Conklin is there any place we could hide it temporarily hide it? Why yes, there is a place we could hide it mr. Boyden right in this canvas bag First you'll have to take out this busted bust Yeah That's Julius Caesar say his nose is off and his ear please mr. Boyden There's no time to cut up touches with Julius now slip mr. Conklin statue into the bag all right Yeah, there he goes and what do we do with Caesar we'll take him over to the shop and fix him up the best We can he's just got to occupy that pedestal mr. Boyden pedestal, but I don't understand this Well, I'll explain it to you on the way over you see mr. Conklin assigned me to work in this library And if I'm going to look at a statue all day, I'd like to make very stepped out for a moment so much the better Yes, here's the canvas bag with old marble head still in it Now we'll just take this little hammer and commence Friends Romans countrymen I come to bury Caesar not to praise him What are you doing? It should be obvious even to you miss Brooks. Yes. Well mr. Conklin There's something I feel I should tell you very well miss Brooks, but while you're telling me I'll continue with the business at hand It's like this mr. Conklin And I would normally be very loath to interrupt what's obviously such a joyful hobby to you I feel that what I have to tell you merits your immediate attention What is it miss Brooks if it was something trivial like being disgruntled over having to work in the library Instead of going on a date with mr. Boyd who is now in the park by himself I might hesitate to bother you. What are you driving at miss Brooks? Well, the main point I'd like to get across to you mr. Conklin is that I have Absolings toward you and I trust you have none toward me none whatsoever Open the bag. Yes, mr. Conklin. I'm afraid you'll find that you pulverized the wrong statue You see your statue arrived earlier, and we wanted to surprise you so we put it in that bag What? I'm in here and Caesar is over at the shop getting his nose put back on but miss Brooks You just stood there all the time. I was hammering you Remember your blood pressure, but what will I do? What will I do when the board of education comes to take inventory? What will I put on that pedestal calm down mr. Conklin? I just found out that it'll only cost 15 dollars to repair the bust of Caesar 15 dollars Yes, and I thought of a delightful way to collect the money really how miss Brooks Feed the kitty mr. Conklin feed the kitty Returns in just a moment, but first tonight. Yes tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Luster cream world's finest shampoo No other shampoo in the world gives you K. Dumas exclusive blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Not a soap not a liquid luster cream leaves hair three ways lovelier Pregnantly clean free of loose dandruff Blistening with sheen soft manageable even in hardest water luster cream lathers instantly No special rinse needed and luster cream leaves. No soapy film does not dry hair So gentle luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair tonight for soft glamorous Carusable hair try luster cream shampoo at all drug and cosmetic counters Girl Now once again here is our miss Brooks Well, I finally escaped from the library and hastened to meet mr. Boynton in the park Having had no lunch except a few swatches from Harriet's roast beef. I was ravenous. Hello miss Brooks Beautiful day, isn't it? Yes, it is. How about a hot dog or a hamburger? Oh, no, thanks. I'm full Look look at that little boy just threw a peanut to that pigeon so he did excuse me mr. Boynton I miss Brooks. You're not gonna pick up that peanut certainly not mr. Boynton. That wouldn't be fair to the pigeon I'm gonna race him for it Our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Burns written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch Here's a money-saving offer men a giant tube and large tube of palm oil of brushless shaving cream for 49 cents Yes, a 70 cent value or only 49 cents This offer is made solely to prove you too can get smoother more comfortable Shaves the palm oil of brushless way just follow directions on the tube and treat your face to wonderful shaves Yes for extra shaving comfort at extra low cost don't miss this palm oil of brushless bargain and drug and toilet goods counters Get both giant and large size palm oil of brushless a 70 cent value for only 49 cents For mystery liberally sprinkled with laps listen to mr. And Mrs. North Tuesday evening over most of these same stations and be with us again next week at this same time For another comedy episode of our miss Brooks Bob LeMond speaking People gather every week