 All right, welcome. Here we are talking to probably nobody or Just the folks who can put show up on YouTube It's the first day of recovery Mondays and new series that I'm gonna do today We're gonna go over why you are not broken Why you are not broken. You are not ill. You're not beyond repair. You're not beyond hope You're not unfixable. You're not ill. We're gonna talk about all those things So I know that in the live stream It's going to be a much smaller audience because at the time of this stream Facebook is down Instagram is down and I believe even Twitter is having some sort of string problems. I'm told I don't know So we'll make do with what we have if I have to redo it later Maybe I'll do it for those folks, but at a minimum we can have a little bit of a conversation I see 10 people So good pop in when you guys show up on YouTube welcome YouTube You're the only ones today because I can't stream to Facebook and I cannot post to Instagram just yet because of the outage But just give me a hello. Let me know where you're coming from and we'll get into this I've been trying to keep these a little bit Shorter and yet they still wind up 20 25 minutes So I am going to try and keep this one a bit shorter, right? And yes, I will save it that's true I'll save it and then I will post it to to Facebook later on so their loss, but I'm glad you guys are here There's 11 of you here on YouTube. Thanks for coming by I appreciate it Bethany says during the apocalypse. Yes, the great social media apocalypse of 2021 So let's talk about this. Why are you not broken one of the most common fears that come along me? And look these anxiety problems that we talked about all time. We're just loaded with fears, right? There's nothing but fears fears of your own body fears your own thoughts fears of your heartbeat and your breath and intrusive thoughts and scary thoughts But one of the most common fears that we don't talk about it's very meta in a way is fear of the disorder itself And fear of the idea that you can't get better like you are broken You are damaged you are ill and that it will not get better But that's not true. That's actually not true So and I want to talk about that now So if you're worried that you're not going to get better or that you're definitely broken or there or you're mentally ill or your Damage or something like that, then I am absolutely talking to you today Why are you not broken and ill first of all? Sometimes this is a bit controversial, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I Tend to not look at anxiety as a mental illness Now some people really get angry when I do that and I'm not sure exactly why if you would like to think of this as Some sort of mental illness or disease then by all means you are welcome to do that I don't happen to share that view, but that's my opinion. You can disagree with me for like Here's why I say that and here's why I say you're not really broken You've simply learned to be afraid of things that you actually don't have to be afraid of now Don't let me tell you that these things are not scary or worthy of fear They are like these things that you experience are very scary And they're very uncomfortable and they seem like you should be afraid of them And they kind of seem like you should begin to restrict your life and work around these things to try and make them not happen Right. So if you are plagued with all the body sensations and the panic and the anxiety and the panic attacks And the thoughts that are scary and intrusive and you can't stop them It would make sense that you would try to get away from those things and stop them from happening And try to prevent all that and make it all go away. So I do get that. I really do However, that does not necessarily mean that you have an illness or that you are broken or that you're doing something wrong Or that this is your fault. None of it is your fault So how did you how did you get here and really and truly like this is all out of chapter one of the anxious truth Which is the book that you see in the corner here. So that's the book that I wrote last year This is my that's my recovery guide Uh and why are you not broken like because you have simply experienced some scary things that your body has thrown at you But they are natural and they are normal humans think sometimes those thoughts get a little sticky and loud Humans have bodily reactions to fear Sometimes those bodily reactions get exaggerated and they happen when they're not appropriate Humans have threat detection and response systems and sometimes those get activated when they're not supposed to So these are all very natural things and they're normal things Just triggered at the wrong times or you may be in a situation in your life where maybe your resilience is a Little bit low and you're a bit maybe you're under the gun in terms of stress And therefore some thoughts might get a little stickier on you than they do at other times in your life So that's why these are not necessarily in my view in my view These are not illnesses because illness implies Something has happened to you that is beyond your control that you can do nothing about Unless some external force is introduced that will cure it or make it go away Then that's simply not the way this works. And it's not only my opinion This is we have just tremendous tremendous mountains of real world evidence in many many cases From all around the world for many many decades that tell us that these types of problems are treated very effectively With cognitive behavioral therapies and their variants CBT acd act dbt metacognitive therapy like these things work really well in these cases And those wouldn't really work if you are broken or had some sort of actual illness in the traditional sense of the word So that's why I say that you are not broken You have learned and understandably so to be afraid of certain things that your mind and body are doing However, you don't necessarily have to be afraid of them and the way out is to unlearn that fear response, right? So you have to learn through experience that you don't necessarily have to be afraid of those things Even though they are absolutely scary and uncomfortable. I will validate that all the time They are scary and uncomfortable and doing this makes it really difficult, right? Because you're actually going against what some people, you know survival instincts air quote So it makes it really hard to do but it doesn't make it impossible And these things do not mean that you are broken and again, none of this is your fault All of us sort of experience these things almost all human beings experience these things from time to time But for some reason for some of us they become a little stickier So many many people have panic attacks at least once or twice in their life But not all of them develop panic disorder people develop panic disorder and don't develop agoraphobia Why is that I don't know nobody knows that's kind of the zillion dollar question, right? But the bottom line is that what you're experiencing is not a horrible illness or an incurable disease You don't need somebody or something to be introduced to cure this. There's no defect going on You've learned to be afraid of certain things and there is a way out of that And millions upon millions of people have done this and actually found the way out of that over many many decades, right? So this is not new. I'm not making this up. This isn't my own special system or method or anything like that This is just science. This is what we know to be true based on a very very large population sample across Multiple cultures all over the world for a very long period of time So while you may be incredibly afraid and incredibly uncomfortable and feel like You are broken or damaged or that there's no way to fix you The reason it's first of all, it's understandable because these things really are very impactful in our lives It's a hundred percent understandable why you would feel that way But the error in that judgment starts to be when you think well, I have to try to stop it from happening Right. So part of the reason that people think that they are broken or damaged is because they can't seem to fix it Right. So part of it is that they can't seem to fix it But the problem is the definition of fix So when I say that we have a very large sample and a very large data set that tells us that people can get out of These problems they get out of the problems when they stop trying to fix it in the sense of make it go away So when you are trying to fix it figure it out If I could figure out my triggers if I could figure out what I have to avoid If I could just stop these things from happening if I could stop my heart from beating so quickly If I could stop having that thought about harming my child or if I could stop having that thought about this Or I could stop ruminating so much or I could stop having that short of breath feeling If I could stop all these things from happening that I'll be fixed And when you can't do that because it's really really hard or almost impossible to do to address it that way By trying to stop it all instantaneously Then you will logically come to the conclusion that you are broken And then nothing is working. So I'm sure a fair number of you watching whether you're live or watching on a replay would probably say Well, I feel like I'm broken because I've tried everything and nothing works But you have to understand that it's not your fault that nothing worked Nothing was going to work because you were trying to address the problem by pointing at the wrong target Like that's really really important to understand and I my heart goes out to you because I understand how you might feel And you might think that you are absolutely 100 broken and cannot be fixed. You're damaged. You're ill I have a mental illness because every time you try to manage Your anxiety or you try to control it or you try to stop it and you can't you fail at any consistent level It would definitely lead you to believe that there's something seriously wrong with you and you would start to lose some hope So I get that so the message today really is we hit the 10 minute mark and then I'll see if I take a couple of questions From the audience here, which again, thanks you guys for coming by but uh, yeah, if you This this is why it leads people to believe that you are broken But the reason why you are not broken is that there is actually a way A path to get out of the corner that you're stuck in right now It's just generally not the way that you would want right because it's an uncomfortable way. It's a difficult way It's a very counter-intuitive way Then in many instances as we do these recovery mondays, we're going to do these every monday, right? And we're going to take lessons right out of that book the anxious truth We're going to go right out of that and I'll give you samples as we go But we're going to talk about Why all the things that you've tried and the advice that you've been given has not worked for you So leading you to believe that you are somehow specially broken or worse than everybody else So when I say broken, I would also say a lot of people kind of think like Oh, this is clearly because I'm worse than everybody else. This can't work for me. I'm worse So that's a very very very common feeling too, but The path out is just not the one that you want. It might not be the one that you were looking for It's not the most comfortable one. It's very counter-intuitive. It doesn't seem like common sense So there have been many times in the social media community when I've run across somebody who is maybe new to the podcast Or hasn't hasn't seen me before and they'll hear me say things like you have to learn to willfully Like josh Fletcher says willfully tolerate anxiety or I'll say you have to surrender to it And some people will hear that for the first time you get really angry with me very angry Like you clearly have never experienced this. You don't know what it's like You don't know what it feels like and that doesn't make me angry. I understand that they want to disagree with me they think that I don't understand they think that I've never felt it because I would say something like that and The idea that the way out is so counter-intuitive and so opposite from what you want And so difficult because it you have to be willing to be intentionally afraid and uncomfortable Is what leads people to believe well, I don't want to do that. I don't want to accept that solution So therefore I I stay in the conclusion that I'm broken, but you're not I promise you're not I feel you but you're not broken Okay, so about 11 minutes. I'm going to try and wrap it up in 15 minutes or less So let's see if we have any comments From youtube. Thank you youtube Um, I don't spend a lot of time on youtube, but I'm glad that we're changing that So let's see what we have here and by the way, I will put up and yes, I'm going to do this because that's the way it goes But if you are interested, you do not have this book the anxious truth And you are not sure what to do like you're lost you're confused I literally started the book with those words your lost confused afraid And and don't know where to turn and directionless then. Oh, why did I do that? It blanks the screen? I forgot to turn off my app that that does that Um, okay, so if you're not really sure where to start This is all new to you and you're thinking I've tried everything nothing works How do and you want to ask those individual questions? How to overcome shortness of breath? How to overcome heartbeat how to overcome dpdr? I would strongly suggest you either listen to all my podcasts Those are 100 free or go and pick up a copy of that book Because all of these concepts that I talk about are laid out in that book in very great detail I spent a long time writing that book and it's incredibly detailed So let's see here. Um I feel a crashing feeling in the afternoons, which causes odd sadness at times. So I see I'll put these up here Um, I see two things. You guys can't see each other's comments. So I'll I'll just kind of call them out Um, so I see two things. I feel a crashing feeling Um, okay, that's a feeling. So you feel a certain way which causes odd sadness Okay So you are changing that what happens is you you're the way you feel changes and your emotions kick in And you may feel a little bit of a sadness or a low mood. The issue here is not necessarily that right? I mean unless and I'm missing something and you're suffering from clinical depression Which I'm guessing you are not because you didn't say that But it is 100 normal for us to change the way we feel involuntarily many many times throughout the day I'm in a good mood. I'm in a bad mood. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm neutral I'm nothing like that changes all day long all day long We react to external stimuli and our mood changes and our state changes our physical feelings change All of those things happen. The problem here is that when you say, well, I feel a certain way I don't like feeling that way and then I start to feel sad and I begin to analyze why I feel sad And I'm afraid to feel sad and what does that mean? Does it mean I'm depressed? Is something wrong with me? That's the problem. The problem here is your reaction to this, which is the basis of all of this stuff Okay, see so it makes me question whether there's anxiety or something else and triggers anxiety So trying to figure out what this is because you're unwilling to simply accept that like well Maybe you will know what it is, you know, if you have a fight with your partner and that makes you upset Well, that would be a very clear thing like I am really upset because I had a big argument with my partner Or I'm really upset because I got I got let go for my job today. Like, okay, that would be obvious But when your mood changes and you feel like, oh, no, I have to know why to be safe From my mood and my feelings and you can't identify that Then yes, you will interpret that as the mood change itself and the emotion itself becomes the danger So instead of saying like, oh, yeah, the problem here is the big fight that I have with my partner You can't find the problem and you are afraid of that change in state So you will say that the problem is the change in state itself And that's very circular right and it feeds the next episode and again leads people to believe that they are broken So let's see here Put this up on the screen here. Maybe be easier for everybody Let's know what you feel changed about yourself when you gain recovering through panic disorder I like to hope that going through it might make me a stronger person in life easier. Okay Well, I mean the book that I'm writing now, which will be out next year Sometimes it's called lesson from the panic zone lessons from the panic zone That is all about the lessons that I learned as part of this process. And yes In retrospect, there were many silver linings silver linings and I did not get the old version of me back I got a better version of me back. So we could talk it. We'll talk about that But that is a very common experience many people who go to the other side of this will look back and say Oh, yeah, like I learned so much and I'm actually a better person now because of it It doesn't make it any easier now because you're really suffering and I understand you're under the gun and you're feeling like there's no way out But on the other side of that you may find as is very common I and many others have found this like oh that experience actually was was a net plus for me in the end But again, I posted about this on social last week Do not let anybody tell you that there's a silver lining to how you're feeling right now because right now you can't see that So none of this toxic positivity like this is going to make you stronger You'll see that after but for now I understand you're struggling What changed for me to be honest with you was I literally said I would prefer to just die Then to continue to live like this Skipping things skipping out on my family events not being there for my daughters Not paying attention to my business not being engaged with my family I didn't want to do that anymore So I was I was backing away from everything because of this fear and anxiety was telling me that I was in danger all the time I basically decided the discomfort of being Isolated and disengaged and feeling like I was failing at everything that discomfort was way worse than the temporary discomfort of enduring a panic attack because panic attack would be really uncomfortable for You know 10 15 20 minutes if it was undulating and came in waves maybe throughout the days I'd feel sort of spikes of that But then when I would retreat and run back home or refuse to do something or cancel something or miss out on a business opportunity The discomfort on an emotional level of that that just piled up and piled up and got deeper and deeper Was way worse than the panic. So for me, I decided Pick your discomfort I will choose to be temporarily uncomfortable in anxiety and panic as opposed to permanently uncomfortable because I'm stuck on my sofa That's what changed for me in a big way Um, so let's see here. Oh, I see this is a follow-up on the first thing. Yes I'm focused on some deep fear of depression again. So it's not the fact that you are Experiencing a change in mood. It's that you are seeing your mood itself not as a natural variation that humans have But as a sign of something bigger Uh, and that's another thing that leads people to think that they are broken Because we somehow think that the anxious feelings and sensations or the thoughts that we have Are more than sensations and thoughts. We think that they are omens or indicators or predictors And they are not and they are not but that would lead you to believe like something is really wrong here Because I feel like something is wrong And when you can't put your finger on it then it leads you to believe that like i'm never going to figure this out And if I can't figure it out then it means i'm stuck and i'm broken and I can't be fixed But the reality of this is we get better when we actually stop trying to figure it out I know very paradoxical, but it is what it is What's the connection between anxiety and lightheadedness so I'm not actually going to answer that but i'm going to put it up on the screen Why because in the beginning and you may be new in this journey. This is a good question, right? So this is the difference between assurance like productive assurance, which we would call teaching or learning Like part of a job of somebody like me is to provide that psycho education and help you to learn like teach you right But once you've heard the answer to this once twice three ten times and you've asked a million people Why you get lightheaded and people tell you what's an anxiety symptom? So my short answer to this is it is an anxiety symptom, right? It's very very very common to the point where we have Common phrases in the english language like my I was reeling r e e l i n g the room was spinning I thought I would pass out This is not things that just people with anxiety say like these are very common things that normal air quotes Normal people say when they get bad news or they get really excited or they're in danger Like oh my god, the room was spinning you've heard people say that So this is just the way the human body reacts to that to those type of stimuli The problem comes when you do not accept that explanation or you that's not the one you want because it doesn't give you certainty And it doesn't make it go away. So you just keep coming back and asking again and again and again That's the issue. That's unproductive reassurance And one of the reasons why people think that they are broken while they are not Is because they don't understand that that sort of pattern of trying to fix it that way by asking those questions about specific symptoms Again and again trying to seek 100 certainty and reassurance That's the wrong path out and it makes you feel like you can't get better Because it's not working for you asking those questions isn't working, right? So let's see here. Um I have been unbroken. Let's see what jim has to say a couple more minutes here I thought I was going to do 15. I ain't going to do 15. I just don't have the ability it appears This is good. We just have 22 people. I'm glad you guys are here. I've been unbroken for quite a while Excellent. However, I worry about the crack in the healing that will lead to broken. Ah, okay That is a like a confidence and recovery problem, right? So if you've been working this this thing for a while Then those repeated experiences and this a little bit more of an advanced topic for those of you who are Further along the line in recovery So as you have repeated experiences surrendering to anxiety and willfully tolerating it floating Accepting whichever terminology you like as you get better and better at that and you learn experientially like oh, I can handle this I can handle being afraid. I can handle being uncomfortable I can handle having disturbing or uncomfortable thoughts and just kind of floating through them and navigating through them I can handle all those things you start to build a sense of competence Like I can handle this I can handle this So first is the courage right did this a couple of weeks of the three C's courage is what makes you start doing that Going from like oh, I need my lavender oil in a pill to stop it from happening To I will let it happen and try my best to navigate through it That's courage when you do it enough times you discover. Oh, I can do that That's competence, which is Jim probably where you are And then when you continually have that experience and you vary it across multiple contexts So you keep having that experience in the supermarket home alone at a wedding on a long drive Whatever at work giving a speech whatever giving a presentation at school taking a test Whatever you keep having those experiences in multiple contexts Then you start to build Confidence which is confidence says that there's no crack that's going to lead to broken Because this is a wide and deep recovery that is portable across multiple contexts and durable So you just have to keep going and recognize that the the thought that you might have a crack in your recovery That will bring you back to broken is just a thought Just it's not a predictor that that will happen. All right So let's see you Okay, so Nanette says I always feel uh unhelpful because I've been agoraphobic for 16 years It's okay Nanette. I know many many people who have suffered for a very long time with these things It's it's not pleasant, right? It's not it's not good and it makes you think that You can never be fixed. I did a podcast episode on this if you go to the anxious truth dot com It's one of the you there's a search bar and uh, there's a search tool and the episode is called you can recover No matter how long you've been Suffering something like that. Uh, it's probably back in the last six or eight months But I did an episode on that it doesn't matter I mean it does matter because it's 16 years of your life and I feel for you But um, it doesn't mean you're unfixable. I promise Uh, let's see red dog Good name. Um I think that's it. We run out of comments here. It's a great book says mark. Thank you. That's this book here I assume mark you're talking about. Um Yes, thank you So I like to think that it is a very helpful book So if you don't have that book you can go to the anxious truth dot com slash recovery guide all the ways to get it Are there is unkindle paperback through all kinds of places and audiobook. So you're you're welcome to it. Um Let's see My son. Oh, this is always heartbreaking. I'll take one or two more and then I really do have to really have to uh wrap it up Um, let's see your san diego johnny's here No, no, no bought an audio form excellent. Let's see here. I'm really worried about shallow breathing It really upsets me. Okay. Well, a lot of people are afraid of shallow breathing. It's very it's one of the most common things I did a podcast episode on that if you go to the anxious truth dot com Hit the search tool and search for breathing and breath You'll see that I did an episode entitled breathing and breath centered anxiety Feeling like you cannot breathe is not the same as not being able to breathe So I will send you to that podcast episode and avail yourself of it. There's a lot of good information in that It will address what you're talking about Fear of dying says chris peterson. I literally just did an episode not too long ago again Go to the anxious truth dot com hit the search tool at the top of the the website and search for death And dying and you will see a podcast episode. I did on the my my fear of dying and how that resolved for me This is good. So tanya I'm this always heartbreaking when somebody talks about their their kids and you know what tanya I appreciate that you are like concerned and certainly advocating for your son My son has been having a lot of anxiety when in school. Should I approach it the same as we do here I again, this is gonna sound like working record. I did a podcast episode about six or eight months ago with dr Jackie Bogdanov. She I'm instagram connections with her. She is child behavior doc on instagram But if you go to my website and search for child children family, you will see that episode the short answer According to dr. Jackie is yes, generally speaking the same exact rules apply You have to remember though depending how old your child is We may need to give them more help and and present these concepts in an an accessible form that they will be able to understand Given their level of maturity and their their mental development, right? So it's one thing to explain this these concepts to a 17 year old or a 13 year old Very different in explaining them to a six year old right or a five year old So dr. Jackie talked about that but yes, generally speaking the same rules apply and a lot of it has to do with Also as a parent the way we model this and the way we react to their anxiety So dr. Jackie talked about it was really good episode. Just check it out Um, I'll do one more and then I'm wrapping it up. I promise during your recovery with their times So you couldn't go through with an exposure or left during okay? This is a total broken record here I did a podcast episode called what do you do when you fail or what do we do when we fail? So again, go to the anxious truth.com use the search bar And and you will find that generally speaking were there times that I did not do an exposure No, I don't think that there were times and then look there was a while ago So I could be wrong here, but nothing is sticking in my head in terms of a time when I bailed on an exposure There were twice when I was sick like I had the flu and I was really sick Uh for about four or five days. I did not for the first two days I tried to go out and do my exposures because I was stupid that was dumb. I I should not have done that Um, there was no reason for me to do that But I missed some stuff when I was I had a nasty flu for about a week that that went to I remember But I didn't ever not do my exposures There were times when I did exit them early and what I learned from those experiences Is if I just went home and left it and ended it that way, it was worse So what I learned was I would Go back home if I did that and I would get myself together and I'd go back out and do it again And the second time for me was always much more of a success And that was a valuable experience the the act of bailing getting myself together and going back into it and having a more Positive outcome the positive outcome by the way was not I wasn't anxious It was that I moved through that the anxiety that was really helpful So yes, if you fail because you say bail for instance going back out and doing it again after your regroup is a good idea But I did a podcast episode and I called what do we do when we fail? all right, um So let's see here the the breathing question so many gen the how bad can hyperventilating get in a real in a nutshell if you were high if I just started If I just did that for the next 45 seconds You'd probably see me fall off the frame because I would probably pass out And then once I passed out my body would begin to breathe normally again. So how bad is hyperventilating? Nobody ever died from hyperventilating Um, it's it's again that that thing where now you feel like you can't breathe So you start panting and trying to fill your lungs all the way Just go to check that podcast episode breath and breath centric anxiety. You'll see Um, okay guys, that's about it. Thank you. Bestie. You're very welcome. I'm glad you think that I rock So, uh, that's it. That's it for this one. We did okay 22 people even though half of the social media universe is out today I appreciate you guys coming by We are going I'll put this back up on the screen if you want to copy that book This is what we're going to do every monday. We're going to do another lesson out of the anxious truth There are many many lessons. So this series is going to go on for quite a while So next monday at the same time on youtube and facebook and then I will post it to my instagram my IG tv afterwards Whenever instagram gets stacked together again today. Thank you all for coming by I appreciate it. And uh, if you have comments and questions, keep them coming I will do my best to try to answer them. And uh, yeah, see you guys next week. Thanks for coming by. Hope it was helpful