 The Craft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the Great Hilda Sleeve! The Great Hilda Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. Craft makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold than the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salads better tasting with the one and only Miracle Whip. The Great Hilda Sleeve's niece Marjorie and her husband Bronco have been in their new house long enough to be pretty well settled. In fact it's about time to invite their friends in. So this morning Marjorie is over discussing plans for the housewarming with her uncle. Auntie can I ask Bertie to help me with refreshments tomorrow evening? Yes indeed my dear. And I'd like to borrow your blue willow cups and saucers. Anything you like. We're short of dishes and we've invited practically everybody we know. Excuse me ahead Marjorie. More people you get the bigger the loose. Oh Leroy. Well I agree with the boy Marjorie. I'm not mercenary but I am practical. As a matter of fact I took the liberty of inviting a few people myself. To my housewarming? Auntie you didn't. Do you invite people she doesn't even know? I know them Leroy. They're old customers of the water department. Oh what did you do if they don't show up with a present turn off their water. Well the more the merrier. By the way Marjorie since you're having a housewarming you might give me an idea for a gift to warm it with. Oh I don't know Auntie. Yeah come on you can give me a little hint. Well if we get a floor lamp we can return the one we borrowed from you. No hurry about that. And if somebody gives us fireplace fixtures and a coffee table we can return yours. Hey Aunt why don't we throw the house warm and we're the ones who don't have anything. I'll see you two later. Goodbye my dear. Well Leroy it's high time I figured out what to take to Marjorie's housewarming. Yeah well the nice things she'll get my gift to look like nothing. What are you going to give her. Nothing. Leroy you have to give her something. Why I'm a relative. I thought these housewarming would just attract friends. Oh everybody who gets invited is trapped. I mean that is they're expected to come up with something. But I can't come up with anything. I've been broke since father's day. Had to buy you a gift and you're only my uncle. What a rat. Leroy do I say that when I'm called upon to buy a few gifts. No you say. Come on Leroy let's go look for our gifts. We're not looking for expensive gifts. I've already done a lot for Marjorie and Bronco so I'm going to limit my gift to around fifteen dollars. I'm going to limit mine to the dime store. What. I think I'll give them a goldfish. A goldfish. Oh the ball of course. Leroy you can't get by with that. Why not it's gold. Looks expensive. Yes let's go into P.B. to see what he has. Hey look in his window on a spinning wheel. Spinning wheel. Don't tell me P.B. has gone in the antique business. I don't know some of his stock is getting pretty old. Say that's a spinning wheel made into a lamp. Yeah look at that big jar of beans. Let's see what the sign says. Guess the number of beans in the jar and when this spinning wheel lamps. Hey I could win the lamp and give it to Marjorie. It wouldn't cost me a cent. Well not a bad idea if you're lucky enough. Come on Leroy let's see what P.B. is up to. Oh Mr. Gildersman. What can I do for you today. Mr. P.B. I'd like to guess how many beans you got in the jar. Okay well. Let me see now I guess. Just a minute Leroy before you guess you'll have to buy something. P.B. the sign didn't say that. No I say that. Oh my goodness what a come on. Mr. Gildersman that's what you call a gimmick. These days everybody has a gimmick. Business has a gimmick politics has a gimmick. Everybody has a gimmick except taxpayer and he'd better get one quick. P.B. I'll thank you not to talk about taxes. Yeah let's talk about beans. I'll take five chances Mr. P.B. Five chances. Oh my what do you want to buy Leroy. Five pieces of bubblegum. Bubblegum. Yeah I'll help you out Leroy I'll take five pieces of bubblegum too. Well I'm trying to disappoint you big spenders but you have to make a minimum purchase in one hour. Oh brother. P.B. the sign in your window doesn't say that. No I say that. Now what would you like to buy that costs at least a dollar. I can't buy anything that costs a dollar. I'll be glad to put you on the book. Leroy it won't be necessary for you to go into debt. I'll help you win the land. Oh boy. P.B. what can I buy for a dollar. Not very much these days. Of course if you want one hundred pieces of bubblegum. No thanks. I see a dollar cigar lighter down there in the case. Give me one of those. Very well. Why you're paying them all right down my guess. You know wait a minute Leroy. If I'm going to win the lamp for you I should do the guess. Oh for corn sake. Now let's see. Pretty big jar. The beans are small. There you are. Here's your land I must have got anything. You can just put it on the counter P.B. I'm thinking. Come on find me. I should guess pretty close P.B. Won't be far off. Yeah let's see. Eleven thousand three hundred and six. That's really your guess. Seven thousand three hundred and seven. I can't tell you how many are in the jar meticulously. But I will tell you that you're several thousand beans off. I am. You care to try again. Sure buy something else. Yes I dare. Well what the heck. Give me one of those little alarm clocks. Alarm clock. P.B. it was very nice of you to tell me my guess was off a few thousand. Very nice of you to guess again. This time I think I'll guess. Eight thousand five hundred. How's that P.B.? You rather often you were before. Care to buy something else. You went the wrong way. I'll let me try this time. All right Leroy. Give me anything that costs a dollar P.B. Happy to do it. Now here's a little item I haven't been able to tell. Well I don't know what it is but I'll take it. What's your guess Leroy. Hey I think I figured this thing out. Why guess. Why not figure out the exact number. Well that's what I've been trying to do. All I have to do is get a jar that size and fill a full of beans. Say beans like yours. Right here behind the counter we've had quite a run on bean jars. What a come on. Contest. Count the beans in the jar and win half as soon as I count the beans. Or when they're spread out. Are you planning to give Miss Marge of that land that the house warming tomorrow next Christmas. It won't take so long I guess. I'll count fast. One two. Counting beans by the thousand. Out of class sometimes I don't know what gets into this family. Ready. Will you please open the door. Counting beans coming home loaded with beans too. My hand's full Bernie. Yes but just look at the packages. Yes just a few little things I picked up at P.B.s. Yes. Leroy didn't have much money for a housewarming gift so I thought I'd help him get the free lamp. Let's see if I brought home everything I bought. Alarm clock. Cigar lighter. Safety razor. Mr. Guilfeeve how much of that free lamp cost you so far. Well about fourteen dollars. Yes. Now Bertie we can use all these things. Where's Leroy. He's in a dining room. Count the table full of beans. Oh what a waste of time counting a jar of beans. You'd never catch me doing a ridiculous thing like that. No. Come in Marjorie. How are you Miss Marjorie. It's fine. I brought back the roasting pan I borrowed. Yes ma'am. Been shopping on key. You have. I picked up a few things. Oh I saw the most gorgeous lamp in Mr. P.B.s window. You did. Uh huh. It's a replica of an old spinning wheel. I just love to have one like it in our living room. Marjorie wouldn't surprise me if you got that very lamp. Really. As a matter of fact you can just count on getting that lamp for your housewarming. Oh uncle I could never be that lucky. Yeah I never can tell. Well I'll keep my fingers crossed. Thanks for the pan Bertie. You're welcome. I'll see you later Auntie. Goodbye my dear. Bertie what do you think of that. The lamp is just what she wants. She sure likes it. Right George she's going to have it. How can we miss with Leroy counting the beans. Let's see how he's doing. Leroy. Yes. How are you coming with the beans. Up in the thousands yet. Are you kidding. Hundred and ninety eight. Hundred and ninety. Hundred and ninety nine. Poor Leroy it's hardly started. Oh my goodness look at that table full of beans. Here I must be a million of them. I wonder if that would be a good guess. Well I'm going back to guessing. I'll never get these beans counted. Leroy I practically promised Marjorie that lamp. You can't give up now. The heck I can. What are you going to give Marjorie. Well what's wrong with giving her that alarm clock you bought at Mr. P.V. You can't do that to your sister Leroy that's a cheap clock. Well I'm a cheap brother. Better no clock at all. They don't have one do they. No and if I give it to them they won't have to leave that bedroom window open and listen for our clock. Leroy counting the beans in this jar is the surest way of winning the lamp. No I'm giving Marjorie a clock to count a jar full of beans as a whole in this head. Well Marjorie has her heart set on that lamp birdie. Yes sir. I'm going to sit down and count these beans. Give me my hat. You have to wear a hat for that. I don't want anybody to see the hole in my head. The Great Gilded Sleeve will be back in just a minute. 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Actually it outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. You'll be amazed at how much better your salads taste when you make them with smooth delicious Miracle Whip. Get a jar from your grocer first thing tomorrow but remember there's only one Miracle Whip salad dressing so be sure you see the name on the jar you buy. Miracle Whip made by craft. When the great Gildesleeve learned that his niece Marjorie admired a certain lamp she'd seen at Peavy's pharmacy he practically promised she would get it as a housewarming gift but getting the lamp isn't as simple as you'd think. Peavy in his darn contest. I wonder just how many beans this jar will hold. It must be an easier way to find out than counting them one by one. They all seem to be about the same size. How many of you counted this Gildesleeve. None Birdie. I'm not full enough to count all these beans. No. If I'm smart enough to be the city water commissioner I'm smart enough to figure this out without working. Yes. The way to win this contest is figure it out mathematically. Let's see if I can get any help out of Leroy's geometry book. Is the scientific way to arrive at the right answer for it. Yes. You can always find a shortcut if you look for it. Yes. Every time the slow-witted caveman wanted a drink of water you ran down to the stream until some thinking man like me invented the bucket. You get the idea Birdie. Yes sir. The man with the bucket was the first water commissioner. No. No. Now let me see. I have to find the volume of the jar. To do that it says here you have to square the circle. Square a circle. You and Einstein couldn't do that. Let's give me. Yes Birdie. Just who did invent the bucket. Yeah I don't know maybe a guy named Bucket. Now let me concentrate. Yes. The volume of a cube is equal to the product of its dimensions. And since its dimensions are equal the volume is equal to the cube of any of its dimensions. Yes sir. Does that make sense to you Birdie. No sir. The fellow who wrote this book is getting away with murder for all I know. Now let's see again. The jar is round. And to get the area of a circle it says to multiply the square of the radius by pi. Mmm. You've given up Mr. Gilles please. No I'm not. Now I know how to find out how many beans in this jar. You do. You bet. One two three four five six. One thousand six hundred and sixteen. One thousand six hundred and sixteen and a half. I wonder where the other half of that bean is. Oh well it'll show up. One thousand six hundred seventeen and a half. One thousand six hundred eighteen and a half. Hello Leroy. What are you doing. Counting beans. What. Hey here's the other half of that bean. You count them by half. Leroy this bean was split. Where was I before you interrupted. It was at one thousand six hundred and eighteen or one thousand six hundred and ninety. I don't know. Oh well so I'm one bean off. You're going to count all those as more than one bean off around here. You know I'm determined to win that lamp for Marjorie. Now scoot. Okay. Mind if I take a handful from the bean shooter. Get your paws out of there. Okay. Well George I'll never get these beans counted if the people don't keep out of here. One thousand six hundred and twenty. Twenty one. Twenty two. All right birdie. It was for me I'm not home. Yes. One thousand six hundred and twenty three. Hello birdie. Well it's that good. Oh my goodness. I'd like to see Mr. Gildersley. He's definitely ain't him. Oh yeah he is. I saw Leroy in the yard and he said his uncle is turkey bean. Well if you know that much I might want to tell you he's inside of you. Thank you birdie. You're out of the old judge you have to drop in at a time like this. Hello Gilder. I hear you're counting beans. Yes and I don't want to be interrupted Horace please. Very well I'll sit here as quiet as a mouse. Well you do that. One thousand six hundred twenty four. Very thoughtful of you going to all that trouble to win the lamp for my dress. One thousand six hundred. Not many men would waste their time that way. Gone found a judge I thought you were going to be quiet. I was quiet. You were talking. Well I was talking in a low voice. Well don't. All right I will. One thousand six hundred twenty five. One thousand six hundred twenty six. You have to count faster than that. He is closing the contest at five o'clock this afternoon. I know that judge. One thousand six hundred twenty seven. He's invited me to open the sealed envelope that contains the exact number of beans. Great one thousand six hundred twenty eight. That's because I'm a judge. He can trust me. One thousand six hundred twenty nine. He knows that I won't spill the beans. Judge do you mind leaving before I spill this bean jar right over your head. Oh I didn't realize that I was annoying you Gilday. I'll see you this afternoon if he did. You all right I'll see you there. Bye. Goodbye. Thank goodness he's gone. Now I'll get something done. What a talky old goat. One thousand six hundred and thirty. One thousand six hundred and thirty. And for Gilday five o'clock. Judge. Where was I. One thousand six hundred and thirty one. Seven hundred and forty five. Brother that's a lot of beans. I don't want to interrupt you but can you stop counting beans long enough to eat the sandwich. Oh thank you Bertie I need it. Yes sir. Looks good. What kind is it. Roast pork. Well pork and beans. You don't make it it's nearly four o'clock. Well I haven't till five. The jar is three quarters full. If I don't have another interruption I'm all set. Oh that's Miss Marjorie. Yes Miss Marjorie. Bertie keep her out here until I hide the beans. Yes sir. Come in Miss Marjorie. Yeah I'll just break these loose beans into my hat and take the jar upstairs. Guess I can take the hat and the jar both at once. Now if I can just get this jar into my arm. Oh beans everywhere. Nothing my dear you stay out there. I just dropped my watch. I should just make it to pee before the deadline. Good thing I knew how many beans were in the jar when I dropped it. Now all I have to do is finish counting these in my hat. Fourteen thousand one hundred and nine. Fourteen thousand one hundred and ten. And three makes fourteen thousand one hundred and thirteen beans. Hey I don't like that thirteen. Yeah but that's the grand total. You know I'll bet I'm closer than anybody else. Nobody else would be fool enough to spend a whole day counting beans. Oh PV. Missing out this means. Come in Jody come in. You're just in time to find out how many beans are in the jar. I know how many are there judge. You can double check me. Just open the envelope. Well it's five o'clock PV. Where's the envelope with the winning number. And just to prove everything's above board I keep it in the cash register. Good. Now when the lucky number is disclosed we'll post it in the pharmacy window. That's so the winner will know who won. PV I know who won. Open your cash register and make it official. No sale. No sale. You sold out the store. Well here's the envelope judge with the winning number. Thank you. Hey wait a minute before you open it here's my number. Fourteen thousand one hundred and thirteen to the bean. Very well. I'll record that. Well here we go. Gentlemen the exact number of beans in the jar is fourteen thousand one hundred and twenty three. Yay I'm only ten beans off. I win. Now wait a minute wait a minute. Let's see if anybody else is closer. They couldn't be. They wouldn't dare. How about it PV. I'm sorry to say this Mr. Gildesley but there's a guest that comes a little closer than yours. What. Fourteen thousand one hundred and seventeen that's only six beans off. PV who could possibly get that close. And it seems to be Mrs. PV. PV you have to tell her she can't win. Who me. Oh no no thanks Mr. Gildesley that that is be just asking for trouble. PV if I don't win you'll have more trouble with me than you ever could have with Mrs. PV. We have to leave her. She didn't even know Marges for the housewarming. Well Mr. Gildesley phone and said he wasn't coming home until he found the lamp like the one he didn't win at Mr. PV. Poor old uncle. After counting all those beans I thought sure he'd win. Me too. Maybe he got punchy and started counting the buttons on his vest. Back way. I found it. Here just look at this. My my that a pretty lamb. Yeah just like the one of PV's spinning wheel at all. It's exactly what Marjorie wants. I gotta give you credit. Uncle didn't give up. My boy I never give up. No sir Mr. Gildesley told Miss Marges she's gonna get that lamp and she's gonna get it. Yeah getting this lamp wasn't easy. I looked all over town. And at last I saw it in the store window the place was closed. Yeah. But I didn't stop me. I found the owner dragged him away from his dinner table and bought the lamp. How much did it cost you? Well it cost just a little more than what I spent on free chances of PV's. But it was worth it. Yeah I trust PV but I'll always wonder if Mrs. PV didn't pull some sort of shenanigans to win that lamp. She sure caused you a lot of trouble. Well Mrs. PV can't stop me. You know already let's find a big red ribbon to tie on it. Yes sir. Yes mine. Hide the lamp behind the door Lee Roy. Okay. Coming Marjorie. Let me give you a great big hug. Well thank you. What's this all about. I just had to run over and tell you. You said I'd get the lamp and I did. Well I haven't given it to you yet. You say you have it already. It's my housewarming present from Mrs. PV. The sleeveless leave will be back in just 30 seconds. Like shrimp salad you like it more than ever made with miracle whip salad dressing. Just try it. See what a wonderful peppy flavor. Miracle Whip gives that salad. Miracle Whip has a flavor millions of folks call just exactly right. It's a different flavor to one you won't find in any other salad dressing. Once you try this fine dressing you'll join the good cooks all over America who agree that salads taste better than ever made with a one and only miracle whip. Hey you breakfast Mr. Killsie. Thank you Bertie. Miss Marjorie's housewarming was sure a big success. Yeah fine. Those his and her bath towels you got from were real nice. Well I had to run all over town last night to get them. That Mrs. Peepee sneaking in ahead of me with that lamp. I couldn't let Marjorie know I had one for her just like it. Well we got next to the lamp out of it. By the way Bertie what happened to all those beans. I don't know. I was going to poke them but they disappeared. I'll bet Leroy got them. Where is that boy. Don't look now Mr. Killsie but I can see his eyes peeking over the back of the couch. He's watching you. Oh he's got a star something in his mouth. Right George I'd like to know what he did with all those beans. Leroy give me that bean shooter. Good night folks. This is played by Willard Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White and is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Teppley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Earl Ross and Dick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the craft foods company makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday throughout the summer for the further adventures of the Great Gilded Sleeves. Calling all sandwich makers. Be on the lookout for a miracle sandwich spread when you're shopping. Take a jar home and discover what a delicious different flavor this wonderful spread gives your sandwiches. Miracle sandwich spread is made by craft from America's favorite salad dressing. Miracle whip and spicy relishes. Use it along with the meter cheese sandwich filling you like best. Or for the quickest, easiest, thriftiest sandwich you could want. Use it alone between slices of bread. Get it tomorrow. Miracle sandwich spread. Tonight, hear the best of Groucho Marx on NBC.